Can Someone Be Homosexual and Not Gay? | Psychology Today

Contents:

• I LIKE GUYS BUT I DON’T WANT TO BE GAY. HOW DO I STOP BEG GAY?
• CAN SOMEONE BE HOMOSEXUAL AND NOT GAY?
• CAN PEOPLE STOP BEG GAY?
• HOW DO I KNOW I’M NOT REALLY GAY/STRAIGHT?
• WHY GAY IS NOT OK
• 17 SIGNS YOU'RE ACTUALLY GAY (AND JT DON'T KNOW IT)
• BEG GAY NOT A CHOICE: SCIENCE CONTRADICTS BEN CARSON
• HOW TO ACCEPT THAT YOU ARE GAY
• AM I GAY ENOUGH? WHAT TO KNOW ABOUT QUEER INTY
• THERE IS NO ‘GAY GENE.’ THERE IS NO ‘STRAIGHT GENE.’ SEXUALY IS JT PLEX, STUDY NFIRMS

I LIKE GUYS BUT I DON’T WANT TO BE GAY. HOW DO I STOP BEG GAY?

So when we therapists are nonted wh male clients, often married on, who e to wh ep nflicts about their sexual attractn to other men, we often fd that they are willg to e the word “homosexual, ” but chew the “gay” label. Unfortunately, much of our natn’s polics have long exacerbated the problem as well, shamg and vilifyg homosexualy, leadg legns of men stgglg wh sexual inty to ternalize their homophobia.

I warned them of the pfalls of keepg their sexual orientatn secret: a life of creased prsn, pursug a secret life the gay unrground wh the danger of beg ught, how attemptg to supprs urg n often e them to bee even more obssed wh them. They may need, om time to time, to seek further therapy, but wh the right therapist, one who has thoroughly unrstood the dangers of such practic of “reparative therapy” which the therapist seeks to change the client’s sexual inty om gay to straight.

Bee the labels “homosexual” or “gay” rry such a stigma, some of the men seek help for their “sex addictn” and see their homosexualy as an actg out of same-sex urg. The oppose mp argu that gays are "born that way, " and th that sexual reorientatn therapy is effective, as well as cel and the latter perspective hs closer to the mark, the science of sexualy supports a more measured stance.

CAN SOMEONE BE HOMOSEXUAL AND NOT GAY?

There are no verified s of formerly gay people pletely riddg themselv of same-sex attractn, but do appear possible for some people who are predisposed to same-sex attractn to expand their sexual repertoire — velop attractns for oppose-sex partners as well, and even opt for the oppose sex exclively.

As Diamond noted January the Archiv of Sexual Behavr, femal' sexual fluidy may emerge om the fdg that, across the board, they are sexually aroed by imag of both men and women (whereas men are typilly aroed only by members of their preferred sex) erotic plasticy may expla why women wh same-sex predisposns report better succs adjtg to heterosexual liftyl than gay men do. Sexual orientatn cements around puberty, and acrdg to Gelf Rieger, a sexual orientatn rearcher at Cornell Universy, " is que possible that there are several fluenc on formg a homosexual orientatn. The term “homosexualy, ” while sometim nsired anachronistic the current era, is the most applible and easily translatable term to e when askg this qutn across societi and languag and has been ed other cross-natnal studi, cludg the World Valu Survey.

Dpe major chang laws and norms surroundg the issue of same-sex marriage and the rights of LGBT people around the world, public opn on the acceptance of homosexualy society remas sharply divid by untry, regn and enomic velopment. Those Wtern Europe and the Ameris are generally more acceptg of homosexualy than are those Eastern Europe, Rsia, Ukrae, the Middle East and sub-Saharan Ai.

CAN PEOPLE STOP BEG GAY?

In many natns, there has been an creasg acceptance of homosexualy, cludg the Uned Stat, where 72% say should be accepted, pared wh jt 49% as recently as 2007. There also have been fairly large shifts acceptance of homosexualy over the past 17 years two very different plac: Mexi and Japan.

HOW DO I KNOW I’M NOT REALLY GAY/STRAIGHT?

In many of the untri surveyed, there also are differenc on acceptance of homosexualy by age, tn, e and, some stanc, genr – and several s, the differenc are substantial.

WHY GAY IS NOT OK

For example, some untri, those who are affiliated wh a relig group tend to be ls acceptg of homosexualy than those who are unaffiliated (a group sometim referred to as relig “non”). In general, people wealthier and more veloped enomi are more acceptg of homosexualy than are those ls wealthy and veloped enomi. For example, Swen, the Netherlands and Germany, all of which have a per-pa gross domtic product over $50, 000, acceptance of homosexualy is among the hight measured across the 34 untri surveyed.

17 SIGNS YOU'RE ACTUALLY GAY (AND JT DON'T KNOW IT)

By ntrast, Nigeria, Kenya and Ukrae, where per-pa GDP is unr $10, 000, ls than two--ten say that homosexualy should be accepted by society. The study is a follow-up to a 2013 report that found many of the same patterns as seen today, although there has been an crease acceptance of homosexualy across many of the untri surveyed both years.

The 2019 survey shows that while majori 16 of the 34 untri surveyed say homosexualy should be accepted by society, global divis rema.

Central and Eastern Europeans, however, are more divid on the subject, wh a median of 46% who say homosexualy should be accepted and 44% sayg should not be.

BEG GAY NOT A CHOICE: SCIENCE CONTRADICTS BEN CARSON

But sub-Saharan Ai, the Middle East, Rsia and Ukrae, few say that society should accept homosexualy; only South Ai (54%) and Israel (47%) do more than a quarter hold this view. Sce 1994, and there has been a relatively steady crease the share who say that homosexualy should be accepted by society sce 2000. However, while took nearly 15 years for acceptance to rise 13 pots om 2000 to jt before the feral legalizatn of gay marriage June 2015, there was a near equal rise acceptance jt the four years sce legalizatn.

More than eight--ten Democrats and Democratic-leang pennts (85%) say homosexualy should be accepted, but only 58% of Republins and Republin leaners say the same. In 22 of 34 untri surveyed, younger adults are signifintly more likely than their olr unterparts to say homosexualy should be accepted by society. This difference was most pronounced South Korea, where 79% of 18- to 29-year-olds say homosexualy should be accepted by society, pared wh only 23% of those 50 and olr.

This staggerg 56-pot difference exceeds the next largt difference Japan by 20 pots, where 92% and 56% of those ag 18 to 29 and 50 and olr, rpectively, say homosexualy should be accepted by society.

HOW TO ACCEPT THAT YOU ARE GAY

However, for all 12 untri surveyed where there was signifint difference, women were more likely to approve of homosexualy than men. In most untri surveyed, those who have greater levels of tn are signifintly more likely to say that homosexualy should be accepted society than those who have ls tn.

For example, Greece, 72% of those wh a postsendary tn or more say homosexualy is acceptable, pared wh 42% of those wh a sendary tn or ls who say this. In a siar number of untri, those who earn more money than the untry’s natnal median e also are more likely to say they accept homosexualy society than those who earn ls.

In Israel, for stance, 52% of higher e earners say homosexualy is acceptable society vers only three--ten of lower e earners who say the same. In many of the untri where there are measurements of iology on a left-right sle, those on the left tend to be more acceptg of homosexualy than those on the iologil right. In South Korea, for example, those who classify themselv on the iologil left are more than twice as likely to say homosexualy is acceptable than those on the iologil right (a 39-percentage-pot difference).

AM I GAY ENOUGH? WHAT TO KNOW ABOUT QUEER INTY

In a siar ve, those who support right-wg populist parti Europe, many of which are seen by LGBT groups as a threat to their rights, are ls supportive of homosexualy society. In Spa, people wh a favorable opn of the Vox party, which recently has begun to oppose some gay rights, are much ls likely to say that homosexualy is acceptable than those who do not support the party.

And Poland, supporters of the erng PiS (Law and Jtice), which has explicly targeted gay rights as anathema to tradnal Polish valu, are 23 percentage pots ls likely to say that homosexualy should be accepted by society than those who do not support the erng party. Siar differenc appear neighborg Hungary, where the lg Fisz party, led by Prime Mister Viktor Orbán, also has shown hostily to gay rights. But even untri like France and Germany where acceptance of homosexualy is high, there are differenc between supporters and non-supporters of key right-wg populist parti such as Natnal Rally France and Alternative for Germany (AfD).

THERE IS NO ‘GAY GENE.’ THERE IS NO ‘STRAIGHT GENE.’ SEXUALY IS JT PLEX, STUDY NFIRMS

Relign, both as relat to relative importance people’s liv and actual relig affiliatn, also plays a large role perceptns of the acceptabily of homosexualy many societi across the globe. In 25 of the 34 untri surveyed, those who say relign is “somewhat, ” “not too” or “not at all” important their liv are more likely to say that homosexualy should be accepted than those who say relign is “very” important.