Three sgle, gay dads talk about their journeys. : NPR

Contents:

• AS TOLD BY A GAY SON: 3 LIFE LSONS FROM MY STRAIGHT FATHER
• 7 LSONS I’VE LEARNED AS A GAY FATHER
• LSONS OM A GAY DAD’S FIRST BREAK UP
• GROWG UP WH A GAY FATHER – CONFSNS OM A STRAIGHT SON
• SGLE GAY DADS GIVE TIPS FOR FIRST-TIME PARENTS: ‘I CREATED THE VILLAGE AROUND MYSELF’
• HOW I ACCINTALLY FOUND OUT MY DAD IS GAY
• MY GAY DAD, MY QUEER FAY, HAPPILY EVER AFTER
• 'DON'T SNEAK': DAD'S UNEXPECTED ADVICE TO HIS GAY SON IN THE '50S
• LIFE LSONS A STRAIGHT FATHER TGHT HIS GAY SON
• ‘A FAY LIKE OURS’: PORTRAS OF GAY FATHERHOOD
• THREE SGLE, GAY DADS REFLECT ON FATHERHOOD, SURROGACY JOURNEYS
• MOVG PORTRAS OF GAY FATHERS WH THEIR FAI ACROSS AMERI
• A COMPLITED LOVE: A STRAIGHT FATHER, A GAY SON AND LSONS FROM A ROAD TRIP PAPERBACK – DECEMBER 24, 2020
• IS YOUR DAD GAY—OR ARE YOU A GAY DAD?
• HERE’S WHAT LIFE IS LIKE WHEN YOU’RE GAY BUT MARRY HETERO
• ‘MY PARENTS STILL WON’T ACCEPT THAT I’M GAY!’
• WATCH A TEENAGE BOY FD A STACK OF GAY PORN IN ADAM BARAN’S ADORABLE SHORT FILM ‘JACKPOT’
• AT 60 YEARS OLD, I BEME VISIBLE. GETTG OLD AS A GAY MAN STKS.
• FROM BOOK BANS TO 'DON’T SAY GAY' BILL, LGBTQ KIDS FEEL 'ERASED' THE CLASSROOM

AS TOLD BY A GAY SON: 3 LIFE LSONS FROM MY STRAIGHT FATHER

My dad and I ntue to agree to disagree about my "liftyle choice" (bee he treats my orientatn like, you know, I orred the drive-th at Liftyl R US: "Y, I'd like to orr a gay liftyle wh a si of bchy queen, societal disapproval and add an extra dollop of send-class cizen. While you're at , make that lifetime supply so that I never get hungry for fillg ls than for beg gay and who I am thentilly to my re. Growg up, I always wanted to be a dad, but when I accepted my homosexualy, I also accepted a falsehood that I uld never be a father as an openly gay man.

It ma me wonr what kd of msage he was sendg his kids and ma me thk about my own ternalized homophobia and how there is ntual progrs I need to make. Sce heteronormativy is the flt and expectatn for parents, I’ve learned that beg visible is an important lson for gay fathers and queer parents.

Cameron Call, who me out summer 2019, has generoly agreed to chronicle his g out journey for Gays Wh Kids over this year — the highs, lows and everythg between. My boyiend of 8+ months had had over a to learn who he was as a gay man, and to fd that I was everythg he ever wanted. The LGBTQ+ dad fluencers are g their platform to share their parentg and fatherhood journey, marriage tips, and to shed light on gay rights and equaly.

7 LSONS I’VE LEARNED AS A GAY FATHER

Growg up wh a gay father, particularly one who was aaid to e out, prented challeng our abily to get emotnally close.

After all, he was the son of a Baptist Preacher and there would not have been much tolerance the 1940’s or 50’s for him to e out as gay.

LSONS OM A GAY DAD’S FIRST BREAK UP

In retrospect, the fact that he was a cheerlear his bt iend was a male hairdrser (who was openly gay) that my Uncle Buddy nicknamed him “Percy” (which my Dad hated) and that my Dad went on to open a home furnishgs store might have been a clue. Realizg his sexualy and beg a gay father the late 1960s, pecially wh me a long way away, mt have been really transformative for my Dad. I feel que sure I got lucky this regard and that many kids wh a gay father were picked on for their parent’s sexualy.

GROWG UP WH A GAY FATHER – CONFSNS OM A STRAIGHT SON

Our girls simply accept them for who they are, jt as they do all their other fay members who happen to not be gay. Together we learned how to be a father and son a day and age where beg a gay father was most certaly owned upon. If you are a gay father or the child of a gay father (or mother), and your relatnship isn’t all that uld be, don’t wa until ’s too late to fix .

[Gay Pri Para Rally Dallas] – This photograph is part of the llectn entled: LGBT Collectns and one other and was provid by UNT Librari Special Collectns to Digal Library. In fact, gay sgle dads are part of a growg movement that has seen a signifint surge of tert the last few years, as noted by the New York get a more plete picture of the joys of fatherhood, Yahoo Life spoke to four sgle gay dads who prove that love is what tly mak a fay.

SGLE GAY DADS GIVE TIPS FOR FIRST-TIME PARENTS: ‘I CREATED THE VILLAGE AROUND MYSELF’

(urty photo)When Puerto Rin TikTok star José Rolón me out at 18 years old, there were few public exampl of gay fathers. ”Fzpatrick, whose father, a gay Black man, was killed senselsly by gun vlence the parkg lot of a gay bar when Fzpatrick was 18, says that fatherhood gave him unique opportuni to turn his paful past to purpose through the love of his dghter. One night, Hilton, a sgle gay dad who's weled three children via surrogate, opened up to Evans about the joys of fatherhood and his own journey.

”“I was gog through that empts of growg olr as a gay man and not havg a signifint other and not havg the life I once lived, and not unrstandg where I was gog, ” he ntu.

”Hunter, a succsful divorce attorney wh his own private practice Los Angel, says he was badly bullied as a teenager for beg gay. My brother picked up the word for "gay" – a word my dad repeated several tim durg that that pot, my parents had told they had problems their marriage, but a few months later, when I was around ne years old, we still went on our annual fay summer holiday to France.

HOW I ACCINTALLY FOUND OUT MY DAD IS GAY

The only hardships of growg up wh a gay dad me om society, not om my wonrfully queer cred: iStockBy Alyssa RoyseMy parents were divorced when I was 6 or so. " "And out of all the thgs a father 1959 uld have told his gay son, my father tells me to be proud of myself and not sneak, " Haggerty says. It's still a mystery, but that don't stop rearchers and laymen alike om askg if our environments are to blame, as if beg gay is an afflictn that needs to be solved like a cycle of psychologists and ex-gay therapy groups often throw the claim that gay men long for other men out of a subnsc need to nnect wh an absent or lackg father.

Acrdg to theori, this "father hunger" is so strong that gay men ny their "natural" attractns and head toward the boy's room. Real's work foc maly on male-female relatnships, but his study of straight men and father issu is key to knockg back claims that fatherls environments -- both leral and figurative -- breed gay men.

In other words, the father issu gay men face have ltle to do wh beg gay, but everythg to do wh growg up mal whout appropriate father figur. I saw hetero men through the ey of my father and other gay men through the ey of myself: perpetrator vers sence, my emotnally and often physilly missg and homophobic daddy ma me not want to be gay more than to fd a boy's hand to hold.

MY GAY DAD, MY QUEER FAY, HAPPILY EVER AFTER

Dpe longgs for closer relatnships wh their fathers, sex role theorist Michael Kimmel pots out that men (y, that's you, too, gay!

'DON'T SNEAK': DAD'S UNEXPECTED ADVICE TO HIS GAY SON IN THE '50S

Straight men and some closeted gay men will try to prove that they are mascule and th not gay by overpensatg and attemptg to sleep wh women -- society's ultimate proof of manhood.

The straight man choos hyper-mascule behavr to reject any ia that he is gay, and gay men may sleep wh women as a rejectn of their sexualy. No wonr so many gay men ntue to rry around buckets of ternalized homophobia, which manifts as eher a blatant refal of sexualy (DL anyone! ""Neverthels, " LaSala says, " is important to regnize that father-son antagonism uld be particularly woundg for a gay man.

"To plite thgs further, opposg views say men are sexually attracted to their fathers as young boys and that the father distanc himself bee he is ndned to fear homosexualy. The views by psychologist Richard Isay regnize how homophobia stras father-son relatnships, LaSala not, but they fall short of blamg dads for gay sons.

LIFE LSONS A STRAIGHT FATHER TGHT HIS GAY SON

Ultimately, however, for as many studi that seek the holy grail of homosexualy, there are as many of self-acceptg gays who feel strongly that although there were environmental fluenc, the oute of who we tly are is the same. Celebri like Anrson Cooper have helped normalize the ia of gay men raisg children, and no longer feels revelatory to see them on televisn, as did when “Morn Fay” premiered mon, Mr. Heynen said, are imag of gay fathers who aren’t Instagram ready — like two men bg their dghters’ hair or tossg a football the ont yard.

It’s an unrstandable impulse, which he attribut to a sire among gay parents to feel “normal” after havg their pabili as parents ntually lled to qutn. Heynen said, but rather a celebratn of the day-to-day liv of gay Jt for the YoungCly Rose, 61, and Ryan, 12Cly Rose, who liv Manhattan, was first photographed for “Dads” three years ago after meetg Mr. Heynen “a lot of cred” for cludg a father like him — a sgle dad his 60s — sce he said there is often a lack of reprentatn of olr gay people art and media, which tends to foc on young, f men.

‘A FAY LIKE OURS’: PORTRAS OF GAY FATHERHOOD

NPR spoke to three men, sgle gay fathers, who chose to bee dads via surrogacy, after years of g to terms wh their inti, their fai, and the technologil advanc that have ma journeys like this possible. DUSTIN LING "Sometim the gay muny is seen as, oh, 's the funny guy who's always about fashn or always about travel, " says Dt Lg.

Such a photograph would have been extraordarily rare jt s ago, but now is one of many published the book “Dads, ” a four-year visual archive of gay fatherhood across Ameri that began 2016.

“I felt a ltle b lonely as a gay dad – although there are two of – but lonely the sense that all the other fai I knew were straight parents, ” Heynen said a vio ll, explag why he began photographg the seri.

THREE SGLE, GAY DADS REFLECT ON FATHERHOOD, SURROGACY JOURNEYS

For Heynen, they reprent addnal love and re and help illtrate some of the cisn-makg that, though not exclive to them, all gay fathers mt ntend wh. Heynen, as well as the fathers he photographed, hope that the photographs “Dads” will dispel some of the hurtful stereotyp that still lger around gay fatherhood.

Hosted by Wt Hollywood uple Yan and Alex, the dads e each episo to chat parentg and relatnships, and lately have been focg each episo on the gay rights and fatherhood pathways by untry, and vg a gay father om each lotn on as a gut. This YA g-of-age novel follows high schooler Sal, who was adopted to a lovg Mexin Amerin fay by his gay father, when he begs to qutn his inty and place the world durg his senr year.

MOVG PORTRAS OF GAY FATHERS WH THEIR FAI ACROSS AMERI

This one-hour documentary followed the fay liv of four gay fai and the legal and cultural hurdl the men faced to bee fathers. Savage beme an ternatnally regnized sex lumnist and activist the 1990s and ’00s for his ank cultural sight to gay relatnships and inty. "As Rossouw pots out, when a son out and announc that he is gay, a parent also mt face the experience of "g out".

In alg wh the personal implitns, challeng and assumptns of beg a father of a gay son, Rossouw sets out on a ndid journey of disvery, a road trip wh his son Jared. Reviewed the Uned Stat on Augt 15, 2013Sharg this journey n and will be a wonrful relief for others gog through the same relatnship issu wh their gay child. Reviewed the Uned Stat on June 24, 2010A Complited Love is an hont and well wrten book that explor the relatnship between a father and his gay son.

A COMPLITED LOVE: A STRAIGHT FATHER, A GAY SON AND LSONS FROM A ROAD TRIP PAPERBACK – DECEMBER 24, 2020

The thor reflects on his own prejudic and beliefs and how they may have shaped his views about homosexualy and the way he should munite wh his son.

I highly remend this book to anyone who has a gay son or dghter and to anyone who wants to better unrstand the plexy of relatnships between parents and children, whether gay or straight.

Reviewed the Uned Stat on May 12, 2010This book touched me eply wh 's ndid and often very emotnal discsns between a father and his gay son.

IS YOUR DAD GAY—OR ARE YOU A GAY DAD?

They take the rear along as they embark on a road trip through Nova Stia wh a genue sire on the part of the father to unrstand his gay son and let go of his prejudice around gay relatnships. If you have a gay dad or a lbian mom, after they separate, which of them is most likely to remarry or to remarry and then divorce?

HERE’S WHAT LIFE IS LIKE WHEN YOU’RE GAY BUT MARRY HETERO

But perhaps the most important rearch fdg is that gay dads and their dghters have closer relatnships when dads tell the tth—and the dads are ls clilly prsed than dads who hi this important rmatn om their children (Tornello, 2018). So if you as a dghter or as a gay dad are still tiptoeg around the topic, ’s time to give yourselv a gift by gettg this skeleton out of the closet. Gav Newsom and sla gay rights lear Harvey the ne-hour Temecula Valley Unified meetg, which ran past midnight, some parents spoke support of the nservative majory on the school board and s buckg of state standards for clive and diverse pated Newsom — who plans to send textbooks that reference Milk to Temecula stunts fiance of the board — as a “tyrant” who “forc his le” upon a district he knows nothg about.

”The bate arose after the board rejected proposed stctnal material that mentned Milk, a member of the San Francis Board of Supervisors and the first out gay man elected to public office California, who was assassated 1978.

” Conservative school board Print Joseph Komrosky, who lled Milk a “pedophile” and has been publicly fdg wh Newsom over the issue, asked sheriff puti on Tuday to remove a teacher om the meetg after she lled nservative board member Danny Gonzalez a “homophobe. ” Whout evince, Gonzalez said that proposed stctn would promote pedophilia and said he opposed teachg about the gay liberatn movement that began the 1960s bee ’s “not appropriate to discs sexualy. He had been anonymo until Wednday's his openg statement, Ziegler emphasized that he is a gay man and a registered Democrat who has been acced of betrayg his party.

‘MY PARENTS STILL WON’T ACCEPT THAT I’M GAY!’

Wh theater doors bolted shut for the next…foreeable future, we’re thrilled to see some Broadway talent pop up the pilot episo of Boy•Friends, a new edy based off the My Gay Boyiend web-seri.

WATCH A TEENAGE BOY FD A STACK OF GAY PORN IN ADAM BARAN’S ADORABLE SHORT FILM ‘JACKPOT’

The show centers around two llege roommat, one gay and one straight, and their “journey through llege and to adulthood to bee the homo-hetero power uple of the ag. Given the polil climate surroundg gay marriage at the time, some might have even been thankg their lucky stars that Matthew had dodged a sparkly, rabow-lored bullet.

AT 60 YEARS OLD, I BEME VISIBLE. GETTG OLD AS A GAY MAN STKS.

For more sir perspectiv, check out 5 Reali As A Gay Person Forced To Stay In The Closet and 5 Reali Of Beg Gay In A Country Where It's Illegal. Subscribe to our YouTube channel, and check out Quent Taranto's Gay Revenge Fantasy, and other vios you won't see on the se!

FROM BOOK BANS TO 'DON’T SAY GAY' BILL, LGBTQ KIDS FEEL 'ERASED' THE CLASSROOM

Your beg gay, Normal Son, chang your parents’ story, and this plot twist terrifi them precisely bee they want you to be happy. Perhaps they thk that beg gay means that you’ll face prejudice and hatred — and sadly, bee homophobic people are out there, they may be right.

Maybe they thk that beg gay means you’ll get AIDS — and while sounds like you know all about safe sex, they’re right that you may be at higher risk than a straight man. Maybe they also worry about thgs that have no bearg realy – that you’ll go to Hell or that somebody is “turng you” gay – but the end, they worry that your life will be harr as a gay man than as a straight one.

No matter how many tim you expla that your happs li beg who you are – a gay man – worrisome scenars swirl their mds and they bee nsumed wh anxiety about your future. Given how misrmed they seem about what means to be gay, I’m gusg that their muny of iends will also have a reactn to their havg a gay son, and that they will be ma to feel ashamed some way.