Mician Lucy Dac Talks Comg Out as Queer an Essay</tle><meta name="tle" ntent="Mician Lucy Dac Talks Comg Out as Queer an Essay" /><meta name="scriptn" ntent="Lucy Dac is a sger-songwrer whose third album, Home Vio, me out June 2021. In an say, she speaks to her sexual inty and intifyg as queer." /><meta name="keywords" ntent /><meta property="og:type" ntent="webse" /><meta name="theme-lor" ntent="#000000" /><lk href="/_assets/sign-tokens/oprahdaily/static/imag/" rel="in" /><meta property="og:se_name" ntent="Oprah Daily" /><meta name="fb:app_id" ntent="557569598006399" property="fb:app_id" /><meta name="article:publisher" ntent=" property="article:publisher" /><meta name="twter:se" ntent="@OprahDaily" /><meta name="google-se-verifitn" ntent="82jYkYSOEZ5GE7V8m8gSrd7kxTtY-J37c6dvl60N8" /><meta property="og:tle" ntent="Mician Lucy Dac Wonrs If She Ever Really Came Out" /><meta property="og:scriptn" ntent=""I thought I would s down and tell the story," she wr, "but I’m startg to wonr if there even is a story to tell."" /><meta name="robots" ntent="max-image-preview:large,max-snippet:-1,max-vio-preview:30" /><lk rel="apple-touch-in" href="/_assets/sign-tokens/oprahdaily/static/imag/" /><meta property="og:image" ntent="" /><meta property="og:image:width" ntent="1200" /><meta property="og:image:height" ntent="600" /><meta name="thumbnail" ntent="" /><meta name="" ntent="" /><meta name="" ntent=" /><meta name="twter:image" ntent="" /><meta ntent=" property="og:url" /><meta name="to-publish" ntent="never" /><meta property="og:type" ntent="article" /><meta name="twter:rd" ntent="summary_large_image" /><meta name="article:opn" property="article:opn" /><meta ntent="Relatnships" property="article:sectn" /><meta ntent="2021-07-28T19:55:17Z" property="article:modified_time" /><meta ntent="2021-07-28T19:55:00Z" property="article:published_time" /><meta name="sailth.excerpt" ntent="In a 2016 terview wh NPR, acclaimed sger-songwrer Lucy Dac had this to say about her iendship wh fellow die rock mician Julien Baker: "We were both raised Christian. 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href="/life/relatnships-love/a37143947/lucy-dac-g-out-queer/" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Breadcmbs" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="Mician Lucy Dac Wonrs If She Ever Really Came Out" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" class="e9l0kn00 css-10asp0m e1c1bym14"><span emProp="name">Mician Lucy Dac Wonrs If She Ever Really Came Out</span></a><meta emProp="posn" ntent="3" /></li></ol></nav><style data-emotn="css nno972">{font-fay:Juana,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-weight:300;grid-lumn:1/-1;marg-bottom:0.9375rem;marg-top:0;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:2.5rem;le-height:1.1;}}@media(max-width: 64rem){{marg-bottom:0.9375rem;font-size:2.5rem;le-height:1.1;letter-spacg:-0.01em;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{marg-bottom:1rem;font-size:3.25rem;le-height:1.1;letter-spacg:-0.02em;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:3.875rem;le-height:1.05;}}@media(m-width: 73.75rem){{font-size:3.875rem;le-height:1.05;}} span:first-of-type:before{-webk-background-posn:center;background-posn:center;background-repeat:no-repeat;-webk-background-size:ver;background-size:ver;ntent:'';display:block;height:1.125rem;width:1.375rem;} span:first-of-type:before{background-image:url('/_assets/sign-tokens/oprahdaily/static/imag/');}@media(max-width: 73.75rem){ span:first-of-type:before{marg:1.25rem to;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){ span:first-of-type:before{marg:1.75rem to;}}</style><h1 class="css-nno972 exadjwu10"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p0"></span>Mician Lucy Dac Wonrs If She Ever Really Came Out<span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></h1><style data-emotn="css 157op6k">{font-fay:Juana,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:1.3125rem;font-weight:normal;letter-spacg:-0.01em;le-height:1.2;marg-bottom:0;}@media(max-width: 64rem){{paddg-left:1.25rem;paddg-right:1.25rem;}} p{marg:0rem;} a{-webk-text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn-thickns:0.0625rem;text-ratn-lor:her;text-unrle-offset:0.25rem;lor:her;-webk-transn:all 0.3s ease--out;transn:all 0.3s ease--out;} a:hover{lor:#595959;text-ratn-lor:borr-lk-body-hover;}</style><div class="css-157op6k exadjwu8"><p>"I thought I would s down and tell the story," she wr, "but I’m startg to wonr if there even is a story to tell."</p></div><style data-emotn="css 1t9ufoh">{display:block;font-fay:Gilroy,Helveti,Arial,Sans-serif;font-size:0.8125rem;le-height:1.2;marg:0.625rem 0 0.3125rem;marg-bottom:0.625rem;paddg-right:0.3125rem;}@media(max-width: 64rem){{marg-top:1.35rem;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{marg-top:1.75rem;}} addrs{marg:0rem;} span{le-height:1.6;display:le-block;marg:0rem;}</style><div class="css-1t9ufoh exadjwu7"><style data-emotn="css b9totx">{font-style:normal;paddg-right:0.3125rem;font-fay:Gilroy,Helveti,Arial,Sans-serif;display:block;font-size:0.8125rem;le-height:1.2;marg:0.625rem 0 0.3125rem;}</style><addrs class="css-b9totx ehvvd9m2"><style data-emotn="css 1gwutwq">{paddg-right:0.3125rem;font-fay:Gilroy,Helveti,Arial,Sans-serif;display:block;font-size:0.8125rem;le-height:1.2;marg:0.625rem 0 0.3125rem;}</style><span class="css-1gwutwq ehvvd9m1">By Lucy Dac</span><style data-emotn="css 1gryrf1">{display:le-block;text-transform:unset;marg-left:0.625rem;}</style><time class="css-1gryrf1 exadjwu6">Published: Jul 28, 2021</time></addrs></div><style data-emotn="css wkpw2c">{display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-webk-flex-directn:lumn;-ms-flex-directn:lumn;flex-directn:lumn;-webk-box-pack:center;-ms-flex-pack:center;-webk-jtify-ntent:center;jtify-ntent:center;-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;}</style><div class="no-prt css-wkpw2c exadjwu15"><style data-emotn="css 1hpjtwr">{display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;posn:relative;marg-top:0.9375rem;}</style><div class="ntent-hear-actns 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73.75rem){{paddg-left:0.9375rem;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{paddg-left:0;}} span{lor:#6F6F6F;}</style><figptn class="css-5kpeya enfs9c50"><style data-emotn="css 1sepnu9">{paddg-right:0.3125rem;lor:#6F6F6F;font-fay:Gilroy,Helveti,Arial,Sans-serif;font-size:0.70003rem;le-height:1.2;letter-spacg:0.05em;text-transform:upperse;}</style><span class="css-1sepnu9 e6iqd2">Eb Yildiz</span></figptn></div></div><style data-emotn="css woto36">{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:1.1875rem;le-height:1.6;paddg-left:0rem;paddg-right:0rem;posn:relative;}@media(m-width: 48rem){{paddg-left:3.5rem;paddg-right:3.5rem;}}@media(m-width: 48rem) and (max-width: 61.25rem){{max-width:45.25rem;marg-left:to;marg-right:to;}}@media(m-width: 61.25rem){{paddg-left:0rem;paddg-right:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 73.75rem) and (max-width: 100rem){{paddg-left:0rem;paddg-right:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 90rem){{paddg-left:0rem;paddg-right:0rem;}} em{font-style:alic;font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;} strong{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-weight:bold;}{clear:both;ntent:" ";display:block;font-size:0.7rem;le-height:1.5rem;height:0rem;visibily:hidn;}</style><div class="article-body-ntent article-body standard-body-ntent css-woto36 ewisyje7"><style data-emotn="css hxci">{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:1.1875rem;le-height:1.6;}{float:left;text-transform:upperse;font-weight:bold;marg-right:0.9375rem;marg-bottom:-0.625rem;marg-top:0;}{font-fay:Juana,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:3.8431rem;font-weight:300;le-height:1;}@-moz-document url-prefix(){{marg-top:0.625rem;}}@media(max-width: 64rem){{font-size:6.25rem;le-height:0.9;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:6.25rem;le-height:0.9;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:7.87499rem;le-height:0.9;}} strong{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-weight:bold;} em{font-style:alic;font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;}</style><p data-no-id="0" class="body-dropp css-hxci et3p2gv0">In a <style data-emotn="css 9cezh6">{-webk-text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn-thickns:0.0625rem;text-ratn-lor:her;text-unrle-offset:0.25rem;lor:#E61957;-webk-transn:all 0.3s ease--out;transn:all 0.3s ease--out;}{lor:#595959;text-ratn-lor:borr-lk-body-hover;}</style><a href=" target="_blank" rel="nofollow" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="2016 terview wh NPR" class="body-lk css-9cezh6 et3p2gv0">2016 terview wh NPR</a>, acclaimed sger-songwrer <a href=" target="_blank" rel="nofollow" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="Lucy Dac" class="body-lk css-9cezh6 et3p2gv0">Lucy Dac</a> had this to say about her iendship wh fellow die rock mician Julien Baker: "We were both raised Christian. She's a lbian, I'm kd of queer and we jt have so many of the same backstory suatns. Beg om Southern ci, havg the same kd of tert for humans and ias about why anyone would ever make art—'s one of those thgs where you expect to talk for two hours and then you talk for twelve." </p><style data-emotn="css 1fbb0rt">{--data-embed-display:flex;-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;marg-bottom:0.9375rem;}@media(m-width: 20rem){{width:50%;marg-left:1rem;marg-right:0rem;float:right;clear:right;}}@media(m-width: 30rem){{width:40%;marg-left:1rem;marg-right:0rem;float:right;clear:right;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{width:30%;marg-left:1rem;marg-right:0rem;float:right;clear:right;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{width:30%;marg-left:1rem;marg-right:0rem;float:right;clear:right;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{width:20%;marg-left:1rem;marg-right:0rem;float:right;clear:right;}}@media(m-width: 73.75rem){{width:20%;marg-left:1rem;marg-right:0rem;float:right;clear:right;}}@media(m-width: 75rem){{width:20%;marg-left:1rem;marg-right:0rem;float:right;clear:right;}}@media(m-width: 90rem){{width:20%;marg-left:1rem;marg-right:0rem;float:right;clear:right;}} a span{right:1rem;} img{width:to;height:85vh;} a{display:-webk-le-box;display:-webk-le-flex;display:-ms-le-flexbox;display:le-flex;posn:var(--posn, relative);} img:not(.ewcw41w1){display:block;width:100%;height:to;-webk-align-self:flex-start;-ms-flex-em-align:flex-start;align-self:flex-start;}</style><div size="small" data-embed="body-image" data-no-id="1" class="align-right size-small embed css-1fbb0rt e1xqj1sx4"><style data-emotn="css uwraif">{width:100%;display:-webk-le-box;display:-webk-le-flex;display:-ms-le-flexbox;display:le-flex;-webk-flex-directn:lumn;-ms-flex-directn:lumn;flex-directn:lumn;marg-left:to;marg-right:to;-webk-box-pack:center;-ms-flex-pack:center;-webk-jtify-ntent:center;jtify-ntent:center;}</style><div class="css-uwraif e1xqj1sx3"><img alt="t" tle="t" loadg="lazy" width="320" height="320" dg="async" data-nimg="1" style="lor: transparent; width: 100%; height: to;" siz="100vw" srcSet=" 640w, 980w, 1120w, 1200w, 1920w" src="" class="css-0 exi4f7p0" /><style data-emotn="css 78jldq">{paddg-left:0rem;}</style><div class="css-78jldq e1xqj1sx2"><style data-emotn="css okwyab">{width:0;m-width:100%;paddg-top:0.625rem;font-fay:Gilroy,Helveti,Arial,Sans-serif;font-size:0.8125rem;le-height:1.2;} em, i{font-fay:her;font-style:alic;} em{font-style:alic;font-fay:CharterItalic,Geia,Tim,Serif;}</style><div class="css-okwyab e1xqj1sx1"><a href=" target="_blank" class="css-9cezh6 et3p2gv0">Click here for more stori om Oprah Daily’sComg Out seri.</a></div></div></div></div><style data-emotn="css aeyldl">{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:1.1875rem;le-height:1.6;} strong{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-weight:bold;} em{font-style:alic;font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;}</style><p data-no-id="2" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">This was, for the now-26-year-old Dac, a kd of accintal public outg, a did-I-jt-say-that-out-loud moment. But had also been one of the first tim Dac exprsed this facet of her inty herself. <br /></p><p data-no-id="3" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Over three full-length albums and an EP—the latter of which was rerd wh Baker and Phoebe Bridgers, who together form the supergroup <a href=" target="_blank" rel="nofollow" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="boygeni" class="body-lk css-9cezh6 et3p2gv0">boygeni</a>—the Virgia-based Dac, whose most recent rerd, <em><a href=" target="_blank" rel="nofollow" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="Home Vio" data-vars-ga-product-id="917354bd-d8b0-45d6-97f9-a4a419394847" data-vars-ga-lk-treatment="(not set) | (not set)" data-href=" data-product-url=" data-affiliate="te" data-affiliate-url=" data-affiliate-work="{"id":"31518d15-56f8-4a3f-8799-8066452d82","se_id":"10a25939-3448-4c42-8343-9bfdfc32076b","metadata":{},"work":{"id":"469ce69f-4798-416d-9432-eaa9954b4053","name":"Amazon","metadata":{}}}" data-vars-ga-product-brand="BEGGARS BANQUET" data-vars-ga-product-price="$23.99" data-vars-ga-product-retailer-id="6143b7a3-19fc-462a-8045-4bd3a52a59a1" data-vars-ga-product-sem3-brand="BEGGARS BANQUET" data-vars-ga-product-sem3-tegory="Indie Rock" class="body-lk product-lks css-9cezh6 ebsw2pb0">Home Vio</a></em>, is out now, has emerged as one mic's sharpt lyricists. She's a wrer whose subtly-sung nfsns, filled wh melancholic wistfulns and acerbic humor, cut to the quick: "You lled me 'cerebral'/I didn't know what you meant/but now I do, would have killed you/to ll me pretty stead?" she sgs on recent sgle <a href=" target="_blank" rel="nofollow" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn=""Brando"" class="body-lk css-9cezh6 et3p2gv0">"Brando"</a>. </p><p data-no-id="5" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Her prose, turns out, is no different. In this origal say for <a href=" target="_blank" rel="nofollow" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="Oprah Daily's Comg Out seri" class="body-lk css-9cezh6 et3p2gv0">Oprah Daily's Comg Out seri</a>, Dac wr about the NPR moment and so much of what led up to : tim when she tried to articulate her sir and was dismissed, and tim when others seemed to articulate those sir for her. Ultimately, she wonrs, "<em>Did</em> I e out?" Read on as Dac exam the trials and triumphs of tryg to tell one's own g out story—on one's own terms.</p><style data-emotn="css 18pb4rg">{borr:0;borr-bottom:th solid black;marg:1.875rem 0;clear:both;}</style><hr data-no-id="6" class="css-18pb4rg et3p2gv0" /><p data-no-id="7" class="body-dropp css-hxci et3p2gv0">There is a prism hangg on a strg ont of my wdow. While layg the wrg of this say, I laid for so long that I watched the rabow splatters slip om one wall to the next and laid so still that felt like the sun was orbg my bed, not the other way around. </p><p data-no-id="8" class="body-text css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">The rabow is no metaphor here. It is no longer June, after all. I watched the t nap. I ma one pile of thgs to a few smaller pil of thgs. Worst: I watched my roommat play vio gam. </p><p data-no-id="9" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">When I agreed to wre about g out, I thought would be easy. I thought I would s down and tell the story, but I’m startg to wonr if there even is a story to tell. Did<em> </em>I e out?<br /></p><style data-emotn="css 1mtaqr6">{--data-embed-display:flex;-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;marg-bottom:0.9375rem;}@media(m-width: 20rem){{clear:both;marg-left:to;marg-right:to;width:100%;}}@media(m-width: 30rem){{clear:both;marg-left:to;marg-right:to;width:100%;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{width:50%;marg-left:1rem;marg-right:0rem;float:right;clear:right;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{width:50%;marg-left:1rem;marg-right:0rem;float:right;clear:right;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{width:50%;marg-left:1rem;marg-right:0rem;float:right;clear:right;}}@media(m-width: 73.75rem){{width:50%;marg-left:1rem;marg-right:0rem;float:right;clear:right;}}@media(m-width: 75rem){{width:50%;marg-left:1rem;marg-right:0rem;float:right;clear:right;}}@media(m-width: 90rem){{width:50%;marg-left:1rem;marg-right:0rem;float:right;clear:right;}} a span{right:1rem;} img{width:to;height:85vh;} a{display:-webk-le-box;display:-webk-le-flex;display:-ms-le-flexbox;display:le-flex;posn:var(--posn, relative);} img:not(.ewcw41w1){display:block;width:100%;height:to;-webk-align-self:flex-start;-ms-flex-em-align:flex-start;align-self:flex-start;}</style><div size="medium" data-embed="body-image" data-no-id="10" class="align-right size-medium embed css-1mtaqr6 e1xqj1sx4"><div class="css-uwraif e1xqj1sx3"><img alt="t" tle="t" loadg="lazy" width="2560" height="1707" dg="async" data-nimg="1" style="lor: transparent; width: 100%; height: to;" siz="100vw" srcSet=" 640w, 980w, 1120w, 1200w, 1920w" src="" class="css-0 exi4f7p0" /><div class="css-78jldq e1xqj1sx2"><style data-emotn="css 1am3yn9">{paddg-left:0rem;le-height:1;}</style><figptn class="css-1am3yn9 enfs9c50"><span class="css-1sepnu9 e6iqd2">Eb Yildiz</span></figptn></div></div></div><p data-no-id="11" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">In a big way, no, and a myriad of small ways, y. In 2014 I told my boyiend at the time that our joke about beg love wh the same girl was not entirely a joke on my end. It was low-hangg u, she was one of those girls that would’ve been impossible not to feel thgs about: a bubbly, betiful, kd girl who ma a lot of eye ntact. Was the csh at all ser for him? He said <em>you’re not gay, you’re wh me</em>. That felt bi the pot; at least, wasn’t the pot I was tryg to make. It wasn’t the pot I was ready to make. At the time, his refal to tell me whether or not he had feelgs for this girl outshone the rejectn of my admissn. When I prsed him on the topic, he punched a wall and I did not exame what I said for years.<br /></p><p data-no-id="12" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">The phrase “g out” remds me of “gaydar”—the skill of spottg gays, claimed by nfint preteens and eccentric nts all over, their radars l up by clothg choic, stray mannerisms, and an amalgamatn of tast. Both terms are ncerned wh visibily—one allows for agency and the other do not—as if the issue of sexualy is a public ncern, not a private one. The implitn is that stayg visible amounts to the keepg of a secret, which may as well be playg a trick, which may as well be a nefar betrayal. Why do the terms evoke huntg? And why are we huntg each other? Is g out for onelf, or for others? <br /></p><p data-no-id="13" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Many people assumed I was gay years before I agreed wh them. Plenty of people are robbed of g out on their own terms bee of childhood celty or the mor l. For me, wasn’t so dramatic as someone clarg the fact on my behalf—iends of me jt <em>told </em>me I was queer. I wasn’t offend, but wasn’t really their place nsirg they weren’t gay themselv. </p><p data-no-id="14" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">I’m thkg of my middle school iends and what about me ed their judgment. My appearance mt have been the ma factor, beg tall and not skny and low-voiced and never whatever clothg was popular at the time. They didn’t see me as a threat when me to romance, and they ed my ease when talkg to boys to their advantage. I was their matchmaker, a role I loved and willgly accepted.<strong> </strong>I thk what my iends meant when they lled me a lbian was that I didn’t unt. It was a way to exprs the nsens that I was different somehow. In a settg where everyone was actively tryg to be the same for the sake of social survival, I wasn’t petg for space, jt takg up my own. </p><style data-emotn="css ngfslw">{borr-left:0;font-fay:Juana,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:1.5625rem;font-weight:500;letter-spacg:-0.03em;le-height:1.15;marg:0.625rem 0 0;paddg-left:0;text-align:center;}@media(max-width: 73.75rem){{marg-top:1.875rem;marg-bottom:1.875rem;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{marg-top:2.5rem;marg-bottom:2.5rem;}} b, strong{font-fay:her;font-weight:bold;} em, i{font-fay:her;font-style:alic;}{background-lor:#000000;lor:#fff;ntent:'';display:block;height:0.25rem;marg:1.5rem to;width:1.75rem;}{background-lor:#000000;lor:#fff;ntent:'';display:block;height:0.25rem;marg:1.5rem to;width:1.75rem;}</style><blockquote data-no-id="15" class="body-blockquote css-ngfslw et3p2gv0">The implitn is that stayg visible amounts to the keepg of a secret, which may as well be playg a trick, which may as well be a nefar betrayal. Why do the terms evoke huntg? And why are we huntg each other?</blockquote><p data-no-id="16" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">I don’t ndone phg people to realize thgs about themselv that they aren’t ready for, as if your opn is a foregone ncln, but most of my iends are gay now, and has felt different when they've lled me gay. In some way, helped to know that rporatg queerns to my inty wouldn’t be a big al bee they already saw me that way. I remember an ocsn when I was scribg a new iend of me, how I looked forward to seeg her as if I had a csh, the butterfli, the extra effort to look good, and she said, <em>du, you do have a csh, you’re gay, </em>and I said, <em>so what if I am? </em>Comg out n feel like givg . </p><div supprsHydratnWarng data-no-id="17" data-embed="edorial-lk" class="embed css-0 e9hzx6g0"><style data-emotn="css y6rgkz">{borr:th solid #CDCDCD;borr-bottom:th solid black;borr-left:0;borr-right:0;borr-top:th solid black;borr-width:0.75rem;marg-bottom:1.875rem;marg-top:1.875rem;paddg:0.625rem 0 0.25rem;}@media(max-width: 73.75rem){{marg-top:1.875rem;marg-bottom:1.875rem;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{marg-top:2.5rem;marg-bottom:2.5rem;}}</style><asi class="css-y6rgkz e6pr2lz5"><style data-emotn="css whsy2b">{borr-bottom:th solid black;display:block;font-fay:Juana,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-weight:500;letter-spacg:0.1em;marg:0rem;marg-bottom:0.3125rem;paddg-bottom:0.625rem;text-transform:upperse;}@media(max-width: 64rem){{font-size:1.1875rem;le-height:1.2;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:1.3125rem;le-height:1.2;}}</style><h6 class="css-whsy2b e6pr2lz3"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p0"></span><style data-emotn="css 8lle59">{max-width:lc(100% - 120px - .625rem);}</style><span class="css-8lle59 e6pr2lz1">Related Stori</span><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></h6><style data-emotn="css c4s2gi">{paddg:0rem;marg:0rem;list-style:none;}</style><ul class="css-c4s2gi e6pr2lz4"><style data-emotn="css 1b7ml99">{font-fay:Juana,Geia,Tim,Serif;paddg-top:0.9375rem;}@media(max-width: 64rem){{font-size:1.125rem;le-height:1.2;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:1.1875rem;le-height:1.2;}}{borr-bottom:th solid black;paddg-bottom:1.25rem;} a{-webk-text-ratn:none;text-ratn:none;lor:her;-webk-transn:all 0.3s ease--out;transn:all 0.3s ease--out;} a:hover{lor:#595959;} a>img{borr-radi:0.1875rem;}</style><li class="css-1b7ml99 e6pr2lz2"><style data-emotn="css 1bn7a5e">{-webk-text-ratn:none;text-ratn:none;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-webk-box-flex-wrap:wrap;-webk-flex-wrap:wrap;-ms-flex-wrap:wrap;flex-wrap:wrap;-webk-flex-directn:row;-ms-flex-directn:row;flex-directn:row;-webk-box-pack:start;-ms-flex-pack:start;-webk-jtify-ntent:flex-start;jtify-ntent:flex-start;-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;}</style><a href="/life/a35939082/kacen-llenr-agast-g-out/" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="Kacen Callenr:There's No Shame Not Comg Out" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Edorial Lks" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" class="css-1bn7a5e e1c1bym14"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p0"></span><style data-emotn="css 1l0u1">{marg-right:0.625rem;height:to;}</style><img src="" alt="g out" tle="Kacen Callenr:There's No Shame Not Comg Out" width="120" height="100%" dg="async" loadg="lazy" image-align="left" class="css-1l0u1 e6pr2lz0" /><span class="css-8lle59 e6pr2lz1">Kacen Callenr:There's No Shame Not Comg Out</span><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></a></li><li class="css-1b7ml99 e6pr2lz2"><a href="/life/relatnships-love/a34100347/noelle-stevenson-g-out-story/" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="Noelle Stevenson Shar Her Comg Out Story" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Edorial Lks" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" class="css-1bn7a5e e1c1bym14"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p0"></span><img src="" alt="noelle stevenson" tle="Noelle Stevenson Shar Her Comg Out Story" width="120" height="100%" dg="async" loadg="lazy" image-align="left" class="css-1l0u1 e6pr2lz0" /><span class="css-8lle59 e6pr2lz1">Noelle Stevenson Shar Her Comg Out Story</span><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></a></li><li class="css-1b7ml99 e6pr2lz2"><a href="/life/a36431789/sey-mcquiston-g-out-say/" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="Why Author Casey McQuiston Is Tired of Comg Out" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Edorial Lks" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" class="css-1bn7a5e e1c1bym14"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p0"></span><img src="" alt="sey mcquiston" tle="Why Author Casey McQuiston Is Tired of Comg Out" width="120" height="100%" dg="async" loadg="lazy" image-align="left" class="css-1l0u1 e6pr2lz0" /><span class="css-8lle59 e6pr2lz1">Why Author Casey McQuiston Is Tired of Comg Out</span><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></a></li></ul></asi></div><p data-no-id="18" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Both of my parents know that I’m queer, but we don’t talk about much. I don’t remember when I told each of them. If I had to gus, was the r, the perfect place to start a nversatn that you mean to keep short. I probably said somethg like <em>you know I’m open to fallg love wh anyone regardls of genr, </em>real sual, sual enough that they didn’t need to rpond. Both of them have tons of gay iends, so I don’t know why feels different when to me. I know they love me. I get the sense that we’re the middle of a long, slow nversatn that may ntue for a very long time. <br /></p><p data-no-id="19" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">For some members of my fay, this say may be me g out to them, if they read . I’ve heard that g out never ends, which sounds exhstg. Maybe I stctively unrstood that g out would never end and the fear of exhstn is what kept me om begng for so long. But there is also the exhstn of ignorg yourself.</p><div size="medium" data-embed="body-image" data-no-id="20" class="align-right size-medium embed css-1mtaqr6 e1xqj1sx4"><div class="css-uwraif e1xqj1sx3"><img alt="lucy dcs" tle="2018 Outsi Lands Mic And Arts Ftival - Panhandle Stage - Day 1" loadg="lazy" width="3632" height="2504" dg="async" data-nimg="1" style="lor: transparent; width: 100%; height: to;" siz="100vw" srcSet=" 640w, 980w, 1120w, 1200w, 1920w" src="" class="css-0 exi4f7p0" /><div class="css-78jldq e1xqj1sx2"><figptn class="css-1am3yn9 enfs9c50"><span class="css-1sepnu9 e6iqd2">FilmMagic</span><style data-emotn="css 5hycvs">{paddg:0 0.3rem;paddg-right:0.3125rem;lor:#6F6F6F;font-fay:Gilroy,Helveti,Arial,Sans-serif;font-size:0.70003rem;le-height:1.2;letter-spacg:0.05em;text-transform:upperse;}</style><span class="css-5hycvs e6iqd0">//</span><span class="css-1sepnu9 e6iqd1">Getty Imag</span></figptn></div></div></div><p data-no-id="21" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Another time I me out was my first terview wh NPR 2016. They asked me about my iendship wh Julien Baker and I listed thgs we had mon that make easy to talk, which were our fahs, livg the South, and beg queer. I remember thkg <em>did I say that?</em> My stomach was knots wag for the article to e out and I felt a low-gra panic the whole day was published. My mom lled me after she read , ncerned, bee she still saw the word "queer" as a slur. I told her what means to me, why I like as a tch-all term, how feels like sayg <em>not straight and none of your bs.</em></p><blockquote data-no-id="22" class="body-blockquote css-ngfslw et3p2gv0">Maybe I stctively unrstood that g out would never end and the fear of exhstn is what kept me om begng for so long. But there is also the exhstn of ignorg yourself.<br /></blockquote><p data-no-id="23" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">The days I thk I’m eher bisexual or pansexual, but the fact that <em>I’m queer and ’s none of your bs</em> still appli. I want to end this by sayg that is no one’s rponsibily to e out. We should not mand that of each other. I do thk beg te to yourself is a huge relief, and livg shamelsly is a supreme light, but everyone is the god of their own life. I don’t thk time heals all wounds, but I do thk n be tsted. Never is an optn. Now is also an optn. Tst your timg. </p><hr data-no-id="24" class="css-18pb4rg et3p2gv0" /><style data-emotn="css 1v2eakg">{marg-bottom:0.9375rem;posn:relative;}{marg-left:to;marg-right:to;width:100%;}@media(m-width: 48rem){{width:90%;}}{marg-left:to;marg-right:to;width:95%;}@media(m-width: 30rem){{width:75%;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{width:65%;}}</style><div data-no-id="25" data-teractive="VioPlayer-1" class="embed aspect-rat-16x9 css-1v2eakg e3dq3y0"><style data-emotn="css 1ui7hop">{marg-bottom:0.9375rem;--aspect-rat:56.25%;}</style><div class="__rp-ntaer css-1ui7hop e6l0f0"><style data-emotn="css 1yu8e3d">{marg-bottom:0.9375rem;width:100%;height:100%;} .__rp-ntaer{height:to;}</style><div data-embed="embed-vio" class="vio-player css-1yu8e3d e1ou1fny0"><style data-emotn="css 1uds6oo">{height:100%;width:100%;posn:relative;}</style><div class="css-1uds6oo e1f7ylgd6"><style data-emotn="css 1iiivv4">{background-lor:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.4);borr:.1875rem solid whe;borr-radi:50%;lor:#fff;cursor:poter;height:3.75rem;left:50%;posn:absolute;top:50%;-webk-transform:translate(-50%,-50%);-moz-transform:translate(-50%,-50%);-ms-transform:translate(-50%,-50%);transform:translate(-50%,-50%);-webk-transn:all 0.4s;transn:all 0.4s;width:3.75rem;z-x:1;}.e1f7ylgd6:hover {background-lor:rgba(33, 150, 245, 0.8);lor:#ffffff;}@media(m-width: 48rem){{height:5.625rem;width:5.625rem;borr:.28125rem solid whe;}}</style><button aria-label="Play Vio" class="css-1iiivv4 e1f7ylgd1"><style data-emotn="css 1lhf7lq">{fill:#ffffff;height:1.4rem;vertil-align:middle;width:1.45rem;}@media(m-width: 48rem){{width:2.3125rem;height:3rem;}}</style><svg xmlns=" width="24" height="24" viewBox="0 0 24 24" style="fill: var(--primary, #000);" role="img" tle="Play" class="css-1lhf7lq e1f7ylgd2"><tle>play in
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