Gay Men and Straight Men as Friends | Psychology Today

Contents:

• WHAT THE WORLD CAN LEARN FROM GAY-STRAIGHT FRIENDSHIPS
• GAY MEN AND STRAIGHT MEN AS FRIENDS
• CAN GAY AND STRAIGHT MEN REALLY BE FRIENDS?
• WHAT HAPPENS TO GAY FRIENDSHIPS WHEN YOU GO MONOGAMO?
• HOW TO TELL IF YOUR GUY FRIEND IS GAY
• WHY STRAIGHT WOMEN AND GAY MEN MAKE THE BT OF FRIENDS
• THE BORG GAY ROUNDUPSUBSCRIBESIGN {"@NTEXT":","@TYPE":"NEWSARTICLE","URL":","MAENTYOFPAGE":","HEADLE":"THE ELIVE PLATONIC GAY FRIENDSHIP","SCRIPTN":"NAVIGATG THE SURPRISGLY TRICKY LANDSPE OF TWO PEOPLE BEG JT IENDS.","IMAGE":[{"@TYPE":"IMAGEOBJECT","URL":"}],"DATEPUBLISHED":"2020-11-24T02:56:51+00:00","DATEMODIFIED":"2020-11-24T02:56:51+00:00","ISACCSIBLEFORFREE":TE,"THOR":[{"@TYPE":"PERSON","NAME":"THE BORG GAY","URL":","SCRIPTN":"EVERYONE SHOULD HAVE A BORG GAY ON RETAER, I'D BE HONORED TO BE YOURS.","INTIFIER":"ER:20804978","IMAGE":{"@TYPE":"IMAGEOBJECT","NTENTURL":","THUMBNAILURL":"}}],"PUBLISHER":{"@TYPE":"ORGANIZATN","NAME":"THE BORG GAY ROUNDUP","URL":","SCRIPTN":"EVERYONE SHOULD HAVE A BORG GAY ON RETAER.","TERACTNSTATISTIC":{"@TYPE":"INTERACTNCOUNTER","NAME":"SUBSCRIBERS","TERACTNTYPE":","ERINTERACTNCOUNT":1000},"INTIFIER":"PUB:220744","LOGO":{"@TYPE":"IMAGEOBJECT","URL":","NTENTURL":","THUMBNAILURL":"},"IMAGE":{"@TYPE":"IMAGEOBJECT","URL":","NTENTURL":","THUMBNAILURL":"}}}SHARE THIS POSTTHE ELIVE PLATONIC GAY COPY LKFACEBOOKEMAILNOTOTHERTHE ELIVE PLATONIC GAY FRIENDSHIP
• HOW TO MAKE GAY FRIENDS

WHAT THE WORLD CAN LEARN FROM GAY-STRAIGHT FRIENDSHIPS

I’ll never fet beg 15 years old and walkg to my first ever meetg for lbian, gay, bi, queer, and trans youth at BAGLY Boston. ”) The close queer iends we make bee a chosen fay, wh a shared culture and inty, formg the bonds that are sential to our wellns and as gay bars and bookstor are closg left and right, many of have turned to apps to fill that gap, meang we spend more time than ever alone our rooms.

LGBT2Q people exist all genrs, all cultur, and relyg on your gaydar is a good start, but expandg your queer and trans cultural referenc will boost your abili. Instagram and Twter make easier to fd other people wh the same terts, whether ’s hedgehogs or aerosol art, and there are so many homo-tastic hashtags. Or, add your inty to your state, school, or profsn to fd #GayMichigan or #QueerMorehoe or #TransUtah or #PansexualUK and more.

That may be surprisg news if you’ve been raised a homophobic branch of your relig tradn, but I promise you—they’re out there, and they n’t wa to wele you (and you may fd really healg to brg your whole self to your fah tradn).

GAY MEN AND STRAIGHT MEN AS FRIENDS

Check out Unlikely Hikers, which specifilly wel and celebrat people who don’t f the classic Patagonia profile cludg fat folks and hikers of lour; Venture Out Project, which is n by and explicly wel trans people; Gay SCUBA Week and Queer Paddlers; and basilly what I’m sayg is that if you want to be out and Out there are fely other ‘mos to do wh your area.

If you’re newly sober or revery and tryg to avoid plac, people, or patterns that may not be healthy for you right now, a gay AA or other revery meetg might be a double-w for you: support on your path and a boost for your new social life. ” or “What a great lor story, ” ’s extremely likely they’re sayg HELLO I AM ALSO QUEER AND/OR TRANS AND I WOULD LIKE TO TALK TO don’t be fooled if someone don’t “look gay. We’re everywhere and we look like anyone and also please don’t ntribute to the ia that there’s one way to look gay, ol?

For a long time, iendships between gay men and straight men – what some now ll “bromosexual” iendships – were unmon. Homophobia was likely one reason; another was that straight men probably assumed they didn’t have much mon wh gay men.

CAN GAY AND STRAIGHT MEN REALLY BE FRIENDS?

Specifilly, we’re terted lookg at the reasons gay men and straight men bee iends (or rema iends after the gay iend out). We currently have a survey vtigatn unrway that explor some of the posive out of “bromosexual” iendships, cludg our theory that gay men and straight men n be optimal wg men for one another.

WHAT HAPPENS TO GAY FRIENDSHIPS WHEN YOU GO MONOGAMO?

Gay men – particularly those nservative and ral environments – rema wary about tryg to beiend straight men, fearg prejudice-fueled rejectn.

At the same time, many straight men still doubt that they’ll be able to relate to gay men any meangful way and, for this reason, may not try to iate a iendship. If they’re open-md about beiendg gay men and make the effort to try to fe iendships based upon mon terts, gay men should feel more fortable reciprotg. Gay men who disclose their sexual orientatn to their straight male iends earlier life may be able to build more open and hont iendships wh them to adulthood.

Send, recent rearch has argued that genr and sexual orientatn might not be as black and whe as prevly thought, which opens up new avenu for explorg how gay and straight men n relate to one another. If a straight guy and his gay male iend are ls rigid about their masculy and sexualy, they’ll probably be more likely to discs tails about their sexual and romantic liv openly wh one another. In short, women are able to tst the datg advice om gay male iends bee they know their gay iends don’t have any ulterr motiv: They’re not tryg to hook up wh them or pete wh them for guys.

HOW TO TELL IF YOUR GUY FRIEND IS GAY

Bee of the tst they engenr om straight women, gay men are uniquely posned to be excellent “wg men” for sgle straight men. However, straight women do tend to tst the datg advice of gay men (pecially more than advice om straight men or women). Jt as a gay man might be able to pass on advice about women to his straight iend, a straight man uld nnect his gay male iend wh another sirable gay man, sce neher the gay man nor his straight iend are petg for the same person.

We believe that havg a tstworthy nfidant to help wh romantic pursus is one of the major reasons straight and gay men are leavg the fort of their same-sex, same-orientatn iend groups to form “bromosexual” iendships.

A 2022 study Psychology of Men & Masculi found that the iendships n help shift gay guys’ unrstandable prenceptns about straight men — that they’re all homophobic, for example.

WHY STRAIGHT WOMEN AND GAY MEN MAKE THE BT OF FRIENDS

But after years of iendship wh me — a gay man who don’t perform masculy a tradnal way — he feels more fortable dog thgs like wearg necklac and havg his bachelor party at a drag bar. It’s possible that exprsg vulnerabily has posive spillover effects: Heterosexual men who have close iendships wh gay guys may wd up havg ls fear about beg more open wh their straight guy iends, acrdg to the thors of the 2021 study.

Michael Bronski, a profsor at Harvard Universy and the thor of “A Queer History of the Uned Stat, ” said the gay liberatn movement, which emerged after the Stonewall uprisg 1969, began dismantlg patriarchal systems that prsured all men to reprs their feelgs and engage toxic masculy, cludg homophobia.

THE BORG GAY ROUNDUPSUBSCRIBESIGN {"@NTEXT":","@TYPE":"NEWSARTICLE","URL":","MAENTYOFPAGE":","HEADLE":"THE ELIVE PLATONIC GAY FRIENDSHIP","SCRIPTN":"NAVIGATG THE SURPRISGLY TRICKY LANDSPE OF TWO PEOPLE BEG JT IENDS.","IMAGE":[{"@TYPE":"IMAGEOBJECT","URL":"}],"DATEPUBLISHED":"2020-11-24T02:56:51+00:00","DATEMODIFIED":"2020-11-24T02:56:51+00:00","ISACCSIBLEFORFREE":TE,"THOR":[{"@TYPE":"PERSON","NAME":"THE BORG GAY","URL":","SCRIPTN":"EVERYONE SHOULD HAVE A BORG GAY ON RETAER, I'D BE HONORED TO BE YOURS.","INTIFIER":"ER:20804978","IMAGE":{"@TYPE":"IMAGEOBJECT","NTENTURL":","THUMBNAILURL":"}}],"PUBLISHER":{"@TYPE":"ORGANIZATN","NAME":"THE BORG GAY ROUNDUP","URL":","SCRIPTN":"EVERYONE SHOULD HAVE A BORG GAY ON RETAER.","TERACTNSTATISTIC":{"@TYPE":"INTERACTNCOUNTER","NAME":"SUBSCRIBERS","TERACTNTYPE":","ERINTERACTNCOUNT":1000},"INTIFIER":"PUB:220744","LOGO":{"@TYPE":"IMAGEOBJECT","URL":","NTENTURL":","THUMBNAILURL":"},"IMAGE":{"@TYPE":"IMAGEOBJECT","URL":","NTENTURL":","THUMBNAILURL":"}}}SHARE THIS POSTTHE ELIVE PLATONIC GAY COPY LKFACEBOOKEMAILNOTOTHERTHE ELIVE PLATONIC GAY FRIENDSHIP

Bronski iendships may relieve gay guys om the prsure to nform to mascule genr norms out of fear of g across as stereotypilly gay. I did this for years before I me out, at age 16, bee I remember many of my guy iends school nstantly referrg to my behavr as “so gay. ” Even my dad would perform gay ritur an unsuccsful effort to make me lgh by flappg his wrists rogatorily and talkg a stereotypilly gay voice, which he told me he regrets eply today.

I know another gay guy or female iend would have e to my fense this suatn, but the fact that was a straight guy showg such tense allyship was my iendship wh Stephen strengthened and I started buildg other relatnships wh people who would never image g homophobic slurs, I veloped a sense of eedom to be myself beyond queer spac: I’m now more fortable g out to straight male boss and owng my sexual orientatn my work, whether be through pchg L. -themed stori or explag to lleagu the importance of queer iendships between gay and straight men are on the rise, they aren’t universally accepted.

HOW TO MAKE GAY FRIENDS

Sex the Cy, Will and Grace), though a lot ls has been said about how gay and straight men regnize and negotiate the distct challeng, plitns, and rewards of their iendships. S., before there was such a thg as a gay inty, some straight men would, wh ltle shame, engage sexual ntact wh other men (ually allowg themselv to be fellated) when female partners were otherwise unavailable (see Gee Chncey’s semal book, Gay New York: Genr, Urban Culture, and the Makg of the Gay Male World 1890-1940) and there is good reason to believe this still occurs other untri and cultur. As a rult of this behavr-inty lk, sexual ngrs between gay and straight men creased nsirably, or at least went unrground.