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ontend-pencraft-Text-module__weight-normal--s54Wf ontend-pencraft-Text-module__font-text--QmNJR ontend-pencraft-Text-module__lor-sendary--WRADg ontend-pencraft-Text-module__ret--dW0zZ ontend-pencraft-Text-module__body4--Pl3xY">Other</div></button></div></div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="post-hear"><h1 class="post-tle unpublished">The Elive Platonic Gay Friendship</h1><h3 class="subtle">Navigatg the surprisgly tricky landspe of two people beg jt iends.</h3><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__display-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-directn-lumn--Rq7pk ontend-pencraft-Box-module__paddg-bottom-16--KVxKv"><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__display-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-directn-lumn--Rq7pk ontend-pencraft-Box-module__paddg-y-16--ohCEm"><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__display-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-jtify-start--_8fEd ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-align-center--rSd6h ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-gap-12--rODKq"><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__display-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-directn-lumn--Rq7pk"><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__size-11--k1e8b ontend-pencraft-Text-module__le-height-20--p0dP8 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__weight-medium--x7khA ontend-pencraft-Text-module__font-meta--U_nxy ontend-pencraft-Text-module__lor-pub-primary-text--RzL7j ontend-pencraft-Text-module__transform-upperse--IDkUL ontend-pencraft-Text-module__ret--dW0zZ ontend-pencraft-Text-module__meta--jzHdd"><div class="profile-hover-rd-target ontend-rear2-ProfileAndPublitnHoverCard-module__profileHoverCardTarget--Od_YL"><a href=" class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 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ontend-pencraft-Box-module__paddg-left-12--eE6bp"><h4 class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__size-16--fFowu ontend-pencraft-Text-module__le-height-20--p0dP8 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__weight-bold--Ps9DB ontend-pencraft-Text-module__font-text--QmNJR ontend-pencraft-Text-module__lor-primary--ud4Z0 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__ret--dW0zZ">The Elive Platonic Gay Friendship</h4><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__size-14--Ume6q ontend-pencraft-Text-module__le-height-20--p0dP8 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__weight-normal--s54Wf ontend-pencraft-Text-module__font-text--QmNJR ontend-pencraft-Text-module__lor-sendary--WRADg ontend-pencraft-Text-module__ret--dW0zZ ontend-pencraft-Text-module__body4--Pl3xY"></div></div></div><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__display-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-jtify-space-between--NvIcg 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class="luci luci-msage-circle"><path d="m3 21 1.9-5.7a8.5 8.5 0 1 1 3.8 3.8z"></path></svg></g></svg></a></div><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__display-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-gap-8--HFpIK"><a role="button" href="javascript:void(0)" class="post-ufi-button style-button no-in has-label wh-borr"><div class="label">Share</div></a></div></div></div></div><div class="visibily-check"></div><div class class><div class="available-ntent"><div dir="to" class="body markup"><p><span>I’ve received a uple follower qutns on a related topic so I figured was time for a blog post. Category is – how to navigate platonic gay iendships. My first follower mentned a sire to have more gay iends, but noted how difficult was to stay the “iend lane” wh some of them. My send follower scribed the sucky experience of actually startg out wh the mutual sire to be platonic iends, beg more, and then the guy dumpg him to date </span><em>another </em><span>mutual iend.   The suatns are, of urse, nothg new if you have been gay for more than a week or so. Most of seek love and iendship wh the muny and be tricky to navigate how to acplish both, separately.</span></p><p>I thk the bt way to talk this through is by outlg my advice for some mon scenars where “platonic gay iendship” is msy.</p><ol><li><p><strong>Start out as iends; one of you wants to be more than iends.</strong></p></li></ol><p>This one is straight out of a movie, and for many, an ial way to fd a signifint other. You start out as iends, build a great bond, and one of you wonrs if n bee romantic bee you already spend a ton of time together and love each other immensely. The problem is whether or not the other iend wants to take to the next level or keep a great iendship gog.</p><p>For the iend who wants to start datg, my advice is to really nsir all angl of the suatn. Have you experienced a romantic love before, and are you, perhaps, nfg for the love of a iend? Do you feel a passn for this person that will translate timately? How open are you wh this iend – and if you share your te feelgs, will make thgs awkward if they aren’t on the same page? I would nsir all of the thgs and even privately ask for the advice of third party iends who know the person to get a clearer picture. Sometim you might hear rmatn that will ph you to make the move or enable you to rensir altogether. If you feel strongly about your romantic love for your iend, I would ultimately exprs if you feel fortable – maybe a non-creepy way (i.e. “someone asked me if we were datg bee we looked cute together, thoughts?”). If you are good iends, you should be able to have the nversatn and ultimately move forward or bounce back regardls, but may take time or even a break some s to get back to where you were. After reful reflectn, do what is your heart, but be fair enough to unrstand that the other person may need time to warm up to the ia, get over that you brought up, or even walk away om the iendship if they are eaked out.</p><p>For the iend who jt wants to stay iends – be sensive that your iend thks the world of you and is probably extremely nervo to brg up this topic and put themselv out there. Regardls of how you feel, try to munite gently and hontly. That is not to say give them false hope. If you need to reject the ia of beg more than iends, do so clearly bee leadg them on is no one’s bt tert. If you had never thought about the ia and have no clue how to feel, is totally fe to say that. It is also mon to want to avoid the ia altogether bee you thk the iendship is worth more to you than a relatnship ever will be. Wh divorce rat where they are, I always tell my iends “a boo is temporary, I am forever – prrize acrdgly.” At any rate, do not have to be pletely awkward if you jt want to stay iends.  At the end of the day, they will appreciate not losg you altogether more than beg turned down the short term. Wh time, a good iendship n survive one awkward qutn that is important to a iend.</p><ol start="2"><li><p><strong>Start out datg or a relatnship, ends, and you want to rema iends.</strong></p></li></ol><blockquote></blockquote><p><span>Another popular and even trickier scenar is havg dated and attemptg to mata a iendship afterwards. H-o-n-e-y… there, done that, but let me give a fair asssment of this. I thk beg platonic iends wh someone you dated is possible, but that almost always requir a </span><em>clean break </em><span>om the person to make sure you don’t get to an on-and-off or hurtful relatnship pattern. Most people nnot date someone for years, have them be their everythg, have the relatnship abptly end, and then be good, platonic iends the next day. In my first relatnship (which was a year length), I waed a btal addnal year and didn’t ntact my ex at all to make sure my romantic feelgs for him were over. We later had a rocky start to a iendship (bee I still wanted him to feel some guilt about the breakup), but evened out to years of beg great platonic iends. We never overstepped our boundari, even though was a ltle awkward figurg out how to act the first tim we hung out. Of urse, five years of platonic iendship later, he would tell me his new boyiend didn’t like havg lunch twice a year, and I would later block him om my life, but I digrs. If you have a strong bond wh someone you dated, and pendg on how mutual or fivable the circumstanc of the breakup was, I thk iendship n be acplished so long as both parti want , the romantic feelgs have fad, munitn is strong, and boundari are rpected. It’s a betiful thg not to be enemi wh your ex.</span></p><p><span>That said, I thk is important to regnize the many tim will not be possible to rema iends wh an ex, and accept . Many guys I have sually dated or even hooked up wh </span><em>once</em><span> were not able to mata iendships wh me. Eher the timate feelgs never went away or one or the other uld not rpect the boundari of iendship. It is very tricky, and nnot work unls both parti are on the same page. Beware the mon “I serly jt want to be your iend” ploy to get back your life and back to a relatnship. I am not iends and do not speak to the vast majory of the guys I have dated, if those statistics help.</span></p><ol start="3"><li><p><strong>Can’t tell if he wants to be iends or more.</strong></p></li></ol><p><span>So what about the scenar where you haven’t dated, aren’t really close iends, but one of you is wonrg what lane you are travelg . I would say this scenar is ial, bee the stak are low. You are not alg wh the potential of losg a bt iend, nor are you alg wh the emotnal rolleraster of iendship wh an ex. I would feel the suatn out and give some time. No one is well served by askg “is Ciara </span><em>Promise </em><span>agreeable for the first dance at our weddg?” the first time they meet someone (except me, of urse – I hope my iends are readg this). Rema aware of all of the clu of the relatnship. Did you meet on a romantic app? Did their profile already state their tentns (i.e. met on Tr but the profile said only open to iends)? Is the person givg you any romantic cu or are you buildg a story your md? This would be a great time to tell a third party iend everythg that has happened so they n help you cipher whether or not is more than a iendship. Ultimately, don’t wa too long before askg “hey – what are we by the way?” …bee is no fun for one person to thk a suatn is totally different than what is for the other person.   Also, to the other person, don’t react like an asshole when you are asked that qutn. I thk a lot of potentially great platonic gay iendships are lost bee one person wants to be iends and the other don’t – but don’t have to be that way.   It is perfectly fe to say you are flattered, but would much rather have a lifelong gay iend than another 2 week relatnship. Dick is abundant, iends are not.</span></p></div></div><div class="visibily-check"></div><div class="post-footer"><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flexGrow--mx4xz ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__display-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-jtify-space-between--NvIcg ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-align-center--rSd6h ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-gap-16--TpblU ontend-pencraft-Box-module__paddg-y-16--ohCEm ontend-pencraft-Box-module__borr-top-tail-themed--e17yZ ontend-pencraft-Box-module__borr-bottom-tail-themed--eVwFY post-ufi"><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__display-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-gap-8--HFpIK"><div class="like-button-ntaer post-ufi-button style-button"><a role="button" class="post-ufi-button style-button no-label wh-borr"><svg role="img" style="height: 20px; width: 20px;" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="#000000" 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gay friendships

Navigatg the surprisgly tricky landspe of two people beg jt iends.

Contents:

WHAT THE WORLD CAN LEARN FROM GAY-STRAIGHT FRIENDSHIPS

Could gay guys be the ultimate wg men for their straight, male iends? * gay friendships *

I’ll never fet beg 15 years old and walkg to my first ever meetg for lbian, gay, bi, queer, and trans youth at BAGLY Boston. ”) The close queer iends we make bee a chosen fay, wh a shared culture and inty, formg the bonds that are sential to our wellns and as gay bars and bookstor are closg left and right, many of have turned to apps to fill that gap, meang we spend more time than ever alone our rooms. LGBT2Q people exist all genrs, all cultur, and relyg on your gaydar is a good start, but expandg your queer and trans cultural referenc will boost your abili.

Instagram and Twter make easier to fd other people wh the same terts, whether ’s hedgehogs or aerosol art, and there are so many homo-tastic hashtags.

GAY MEN AND STRAIGHT MEN AS FRIENDS

Heterosexual and gay men n heal and grow as a rult of their iendships. * gay friendships *

Or, add your inty to your state, school, or profsn to fd #GayMichigan or #QueerMorehoe or #TransUtah or #PansexualUK and more. That may be surprisg news if you’ve been raised a homophobic branch of your relig tradn, but I promise you—they’re out there, and they n’t wa to wele you (and you may fd really healg to brg your whole self to your fah tradn). Check out Unlikely Hikers, which specifilly wel and celebrat people who don’t f the classic Patagonia profile cludg fat folks and hikers of lour; Venture Out Project, which is n by and explicly wel trans people; Gay SCUBA Week and Queer Paddlers; and basilly what I’m sayg is that if you want to be out and Out there are fely other ‘mos to do wh your area.

If you’re newly sober or revery and tryg to avoid plac, people, or patterns that may not be healthy for you right now, a gay AA or other revery meetg might be a double-w for you: support on your path and a boost for your new social life. ” or “What a great lor story, ” ’s extremely likely they’re sayg HELLO I AM ALSO QUEER AND/OR TRANS AND I WOULD LIKE TO TALK TO don’t be fooled if someone don’t “look gay.

We’re everywhere and we look like anyone and also please don’t ntribute to the ia that there’s one way to look gay, ol? For a long time, iendships between gay men and straight men – what some now ll “bromosexual” iendships – were unmon.

CAN GAY AND STRAIGHT MEN REALLY BE FRIENDS?

New rearch explor the benefs of iendship between gay and straight men. * gay friendships *

Homophobia was likely one reason; another was that straight men probably assumed they didn’t have much mon wh gay men. Specifilly, we’re terted lookg at the reasons gay men and straight men bee iends (or rema iends after the gay iend out). We currently have a survey vtigatn unrway that explor some of the posive out of “bromosexual” iendships, cludg our theory that gay men and straight men n be optimal wg men for one another.

Gay men – particularly those nservative and ral environments – rema wary about tryg to beiend straight men, fearg prejudice-fueled rejectn.

At the same time, many straight men still doubt that they’ll be able to relate to gay men any meangful way and, for this reason, may not try to iate a iendship. If they’re open-md about beiendg gay men and make the effort to try to fe iendships based upon mon terts, gay men should feel more fortable reciprotg.

WHAT HAPPENS TO GAY FRIENDSHIPS WHEN YOU GO MONOGAMO?

Consir the turng pot of gay relatnships, platonic or otherwise. * gay friendships *

Gay men who disclose their sexual orientatn to their straight male iends earlier life may be able to build more open and hont iendships wh them to adulthood. Send, recent rearch has argued that genr and sexual orientatn might not be as black and whe as prevly thought, which opens up new avenu for explorg how gay and straight men n relate to one another.

If a straight guy and his gay male iend are ls rigid about their masculy and sexualy, they’ll probably be more likely to discs tails about their sexual and romantic liv openly wh one another. In short, women are able to tst the datg advice om gay male iends bee they know their gay iends don’t have any ulterr motiv: They’re not tryg to hook up wh them or pete wh them for guys.

HOW TO TELL IF YOUR GUY FRIEND IS GAY

There are lots of reasons why you might want to know if your iend is gay. There are some important thgs that you have to unrstand about this suatn before gog forward, however. Someone's sexualy is highly plex and highly... * gay friendships *

Bee of the tst they engenr om straight women, gay men are uniquely posned to be excellent “wg men” for sgle straight men.

However, straight women do tend to tst the datg advice of gay men (pecially more than advice om straight men or women).

WHY STRAIGHT WOMEN AND GAY MEN MAKE THE BT OF FRIENDS

* gay friendships *

Jt as a gay man might be able to pass on advice about women to his straight iend, a straight man uld nnect his gay male iend wh another sirable gay man, sce neher the gay man nor his straight iend are petg for the same person. We believe that havg a tstworthy nfidant to help wh romantic pursus is one of the major reasons straight and gay men are leavg the fort of their same-sex, same-orientatn iend groups to form “bromosexual” iendships.

THE BORG GAY ROUNDUPSUBSCRIBESIGN {"@NTEXT":","@TYPE":"NEWSARTICLE","URL":","MAENTYOFPAGE":","HEADLE":"THE ELIVE PLATONIC GAY FRIENDSHIP","SCRIPTN":"NAVIGATG THE SURPRISGLY TRICKY LANDSPE OF TWO PEOPLE BEG JT IENDS.","IMAGE":[{"@TYPE":"IMAGEOBJECT","URL":"}],"DATEPUBLISHED":"2020-11-24T02:56:51+00:00","DATEMODIFIED":"2020-11-24T02:56:51+00:00","ISACCSIBLEFORFREE":TE,"THOR":[{"@TYPE":"PERSON","NAME":"THE BORG GAY","URL":","SCRIPTN":"EVERYONE SHOULD HAVE A BORG GAY ON RETAER, I'D BE HONORED TO BE YOURS.","INTIFIER":"ER:20804978","IMAGE":{"@TYPE":"IMAGEOBJECT","NTENTURL":","THUMBNAILURL":"}}],"PUBLISHER":{"@TYPE":"ORGANIZATN","NAME":"THE BORG GAY ROUNDUP","URL":","SCRIPTN":"EVERYONE SHOULD HAVE A BORG GAY ON RETAER.","TERACTNSTATISTIC":{"@TYPE":"INTERACTNCOUNTER","NAME":"SUBSCRIBERS","TERACTNTYPE":","ERINTERACTNCOUNT":1000},"INTIFIER":"PUB:220744","LOGO":{"@TYPE":"IMAGEOBJECT","URL":","NTENTURL":","THUMBNAILURL":"},"IMAGE":{"@TYPE":"IMAGEOBJECT","URL":","NTENTURL":","THUMBNAILURL":"}}}SHARE THIS POSTTHE ELIVE PLATONIC GAY COPY LKFACEBOOKEMAILNOTOTHERTHE ELIVE PLATONIC GAY FRIENDSHIP

The issu that once kept straight men and gay men apart are dissolvg, real life and popular culture. * gay friendships *

A 2022 study Psychology of Men & Masculi found that the iendships n help shift gay guys’ unrstandable prenceptns about straight men — that they’re all homophobic, for example. But after years of iendship wh me — a gay man who don’t perform masculy a tradnal way — he feels more fortable dog thgs like wearg necklac and havg his bachelor party at a drag bar.

HOW TO MAKE GAY FRIENDS

It’s possible that exprsg vulnerabily has posive spillover effects: Heterosexual men who have close iendships wh gay guys may wd up havg ls fear about beg more open wh their straight guy iends, acrdg to the thors of the 2021 study. Michael Bronski, a profsor at Harvard Universy and the thor of “A Queer History of the Uned Stat, ” said the gay liberatn movement, which emerged after the Stonewall uprisg 1969, began dismantlg patriarchal systems that prsured all men to reprs their feelgs and engage toxic masculy, cludg homophobia. Bronski iendships may relieve gay guys om the prsure to nform to mascule genr norms out of fear of g across as stereotypilly gay.

I did this for years before I me out, at age 16, bee I remember many of my guy iends school nstantly referrg to my behavr as “so gay. ” Even my dad would perform gay ritur an unsuccsful effort to make me lgh by flappg his wrists rogatorily and talkg a stereotypilly gay voice, which he told me he regrets eply today. I know another gay guy or female iend would have e to my fense this suatn, but the fact that was a straight guy showg such tense allyship was my iendship wh Stephen strengthened and I started buildg other relatnships wh people who would never image g homophobic slurs, I veloped a sense of eedom to be myself beyond queer spac: I’m now more fortable g out to straight male boss and owng my sexual orientatn my work, whether be through pchg L.

*BEAR-MAGAZINE.COM* GAY FRIENDSHIPS

Gay Men and Straight Men as Friends | Psychology Today .

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