Gay, Not Gay, Straight, Not Straight | Psychology Today

Contents:

• CAN SOMEONE BE HOMOSEXUAL AND NOT GAY?
• WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN “GAY” AND “HOMOSEXUAL"? IS ONLY BY GENR?
• I LIKE GUYS BUT I DON’T WANT TO BE GAY. HOW DO I STOP BEG GAY?
• GAY, NOT GAY, STRAIGHT, NOT STRAIGHT
• HOMOSEXUALY IS NOT “GAY”
• LBIANS MORE ACCEPTED THAN GAY MEN AROUND THE WORLD, STUDY FDS
• HOW DO I KNOW I’M NOT REALLY GAY/STRAIGHT?
• ARE ‘GAY’ AND ‘HOMOSEXUAL’ THE SAME? HERE’S WHAT WE FOUND.

CAN SOMEONE BE HOMOSEXUAL AND NOT GAY?

So when we therapists are nonted wh male clients, often married on, who e to wh ep nflicts about their sexual attractn to other men, we often fd that they are willg to e the word “homosexual, ” but chew the “gay” label. Unfortunately, much of our natn’s polics have long exacerbated the problem as well, shamg and vilifyg homosexualy, leadg legns of men stgglg wh sexual inty to ternalize their homophobia. I warned them of the pfalls of keepg their sexual orientatn secret: a life of creased prsn, pursug a secret life the gay unrground wh the danger of beg ught, how attemptg to supprs urg n often e them to bee even more obssed wh them.

WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN “GAY” AND “HOMOSEXUAL"? IS ONLY BY GENR?

They may need, om time to time, to seek further therapy, but wh the right therapist, one who has thoroughly unrstood the dangers of such practic of “reparative therapy” which the therapist seeks to change the client’s sexual inty om gay to straight.

I LIKE GUYS BUT I DON’T WANT TO BE GAY. HOW DO I STOP BEG GAY?

Anyway, gays took back the word "gay" bee was beg ed as a slur agast them, much like the n-word, much like the word faggot (and if you are unfaiar wh the rivatn of the word faggot, I suggt you n to your dictnary right now, sce is no where near as fortable as the rivatn of the word lbian). Suffice to say that the word homosexual is an outdated term all but the most tached scientific wrg; that the word lbian appli strictly to women; and that the word gay n refer to both men and women, but ually refers to men. There are some who would argue that "homosexuals" are those who meet the clil fn of beg more attracted to members of the same sex than those of the oppose sex (given that most theori of sexual orientatn today dite that sexual orientatn is a ntuum, that heterosexualy and homosexualy are more than or ls than differenc rather than dichotomi).

Given the opprsn that has led to the "closet, " many people who are more homosexual than heterosexual do not and have never participated the gay liftyle or culture and may even be largely unaware of . It tends to imply salcns bee the word SEX ss right there the middle--a sure attentn-grabber and an implitn that homoSEXuals are exclively ncerned wh SEXual gratifitn and have no "fay valu" whatsoever.

Yet when the men were forced to choose between straight, bisexual or gay, about three-quarters marked straight bee for them bisexual, even if is unrstood as “bisexual-leang straight, ” is too gay to accurately scribe their inty. Yet the mands for new rearch are real: Right now, we thk people are eher straight or gay, as if one drop of gayns mak you gay, even if this means distortg the sexual and romantic experienc of lns of teenagers and young adults who are neher gay nor straight. The pastor mt unsel a former homosexual to cut relatns to his former gay iends; to stay far away om plac where homosexual enunters ed to occur; and to change any activi that are timately associated wh his old liftyle.

GAY, NOT GAY, STRAIGHT, NOT STRAIGHT

If we view those who are gay as the same as those who stggle wh same-sex attractns, then we fail to regnize the need to reach out and help the latter who are lookg for a iend they n tst through their stggle. A ltle outdated and clil, perhaps, but nocuo enough: that five-syllable word has never been more load, more liberately ed and, to the ears of many gays and lbians, more pejorative. “ ‘Homosexual’ has the rg of ‘lored’ now, the way your grandmother might have ed that term, except that hasn’t been recuperated the same way, ” said Gee Chncey, a Yale profsor of history and an thor who studi gay and lbian culture.

HOMOSEXUALY IS NOT “GAY”

The Gay and Lbian Alliance Agast Defamatn, or Glaad, has put “homosexual” on s list of offensive terms and 2006 persuad The Associated Prs, whose stylebook is the wily ed by many news anizatns, to rtrict e of the P. Lakoff, a profsor of gnive science and lguistics at the Universy of California, Berkeley, has looked at the way the term is ed by those who try to portray gays and lbians as viant. ”Historians believe the first e of “homosexual” was by Karl-Maria Kertbeny, a Hungarian journalist who wrote passnately opposn to Germany’s anti-sodomy laws the 19th century.

William Leap, a profsor of anthropology at Amerin Universy who studi the field of “lavenr lguistics, ” which exam how gay people e certa words and phras, said the offensivens of the word stems om s medil history. “It already has all that clil baggage heaped on : that’s the legacy of the term now, ” he said, addg that bee of s e a scientific way, many people do not realize how n fall on gay and lbian ears.

“Now they’re enuragg this young man who’s announced he’s homosexual to go play, when Obama said he wouldn’t even let his own son play, ” Rh Limbgh said recently as he talked about Michael Sam, the llege football player who recently me out. ”And last year, when Jason Colls beme one of the first profsnal male athlet to reveal he was gay, Chris Brosard, an ESPN mentator who has lled homosexualy “that liftyle” and nmned as a s, announced that he had “no problem wh homosexuals. In the late 1970s, Ana Bryant’s “Save Our Children” mpaign was centered on the notn of “homosexual recment, ” the belief that gays and lbians tried to woo unspectg children to their ranks.

LBIANS MORE ACCEPTED THAN GAY MEN AROUND THE WORLD, STUDY FDS

“A lbian uld say she met a gay gal the night before and her lbian iend would know exactly what she meant, ” Profsor Chncey said, “while her straight boss would have no ia what she was talkg about.

” The early gay-rights movement was lled the homophile movement bee s founrs explicly rejected the word homosexual; they did not want to be intified as exclively sexual begs.

This page provis accurate rmatn for those who want to better unrstand sexual orientatn and the impact of prejudice and discrimatn on those who intify as lbian, gay, or bisexual.

HOW DO I KNOW I’M NOT REALLY GAY/STRAIGHT?

Public opn studi over the 1970s, 1980s, and 1990s routely showed that, among large segments of the public, lbian, gay, and bisexual people were the target of strongly held negative attus. The associatn of HIV/AIDS wh gay and bisexual men and the accurate belief that some people held that all gay and bisexual men were fected served to further stigmatize lbian, gay, and bisexual people. On an dividual level, such prejudice and discrimatn may also have negative nsequenc, pecially if lbian, gay, and bisexual people attempt to nceal or ny their sexual orientatn.

ARE ‘GAY’ AND ‘HOMOSEXUAL’ THE SAME? HERE’S WHAT WE FOUND.

Dpe the persistence of stereotyp that portray lbian, gay, and bisexual people as disturbed, several s of rearch and clil experience have led all mastream medil and mental health anizatns this untry to nclu that the orientatns reprent normal forms of human experience. Helpful rpons of a therapist treatg an dividual who is troubled about her or his same sex attractns clu helpg that person actively pe wh social prejudic agast homosexualy, succsfully rolve issu associated wh and rultg om ternal nflicts, and actively lead a happy and satisfyg life. The phrase “g out” is ed to refer to several aspects of lbian, gay, and bisexual persons’ experienc: self-awarens of same-sex attractns; the tellg of one or a few people about the attractns; wispread disclosure of same-sex attractns; and intifitn wh the lbian, gay, and bisexual muny.

Th, is not surprisg that lbians and gay men who feel they mt nceal their sexual orientatn report more equent mental health ncerns than do lbians and gay men who are more open; they may even have more physil health problems. Lbian, gay, and bisexual youth who do well spe strs—like all adolcents who do well spe strs—tend to be those who are socially petent, who have good problem-solvg skills, who have a sense of tonomy and purpose, and who look forward to the future.

If they are a heterosexual relatnship, their experienc may be que siar to those of people who intify as heterosexual unls they choose to e out as bisexual; that se, they will likely face some of the same prejudice and discrimatn that lbian and gay dividuals enunter. Although parable data are not available, many sgle lbians and gay men are also parents, and many same-sex upl are part-time parents to children whose primary rince is elsewhere.