Straight Women and Their Gay Hbands | Psychology Today

Contents:

• IS YOUR MAN GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?
• QUIZ: IS MY HBAND GAY?
• IS MY HBAND GAY? SIGNS OF A GAY HBAND
• IS YOUR HBAND GAY? 6 SIGNS THAT COULD BE A CSE FOR CONCERN
• HOW TO COPE WHEN YOUR SPOE COM OUT AS GAY
• STRAIGHT WOMEN AND THEIR GAY HBANDS

IS YOUR MAN GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?

In his Royal Oaks, Michigan, practice, Joe specializ Gay Affirmative Psychotherapy and IMAGO Relatnship Therapy, often treatg men who are qutng their sexual orientatn.

This populatn is the foc of his new and much-need book: Is My Hband Gay, Straight, or Bi? Number one is the high cince of male-female upl enterg my office bee the woman thks her man might be gay. More often than not, he’s not gay or even bi.

He’s actually straight, but for whatever reason, he’s been lookg at gay porn or he’s been havg sex wh men. A lot of the time the men e on their own and they’re holdg my book about g out as gay, and they want to know, “Is this me?

QUIZ: IS MY HBAND GAY?

Am I gay? And I thk ’s very important to state right here that I’m a gay man, yet here I am sayg that most of the time the men who are beg sexual wh other men aren’t gay.

That’s unual, bee most gay men, even most gay therapists, believe that if a guy is havg gay sex, he’s gay. So how do you terme if a man is or isn’t gay?

IS MY HBAND GAY? SIGNS OF A GAY HBAND

Most gay or bisexual men will say y. ” I always joke wh clients that for me, as a gay man, when I’m walkg on the beach and checkg people out, the women are the way.

Wh gay clients, they say they feel the same way; wh bisexual clients, they say they’re lookg at both the men and the women; wh straight clients, they say they’re lookg only at the women. Another thg that I look for is homophobia. When a man is a long-term relatnship wh a woman but beg sexual wh men, eher lookg at porn or havg actual sex, he eher will or won’t be homophobic.

Intertgly, ’s the gay men who are homophobic. The straight men have no homophobia at all—to the pot where they’re willg to seek unselg om me, an openly gay therapist.

IS YOUR HBAND GAY? 6 SIGNS THAT COULD BE A CSE FOR CONCERN

A lot of tim the gay men never even make to me (whout promptg om their wife, anyway) bee they’re riddled wh homophobia and I’m too gay for them.

So if a client is stgglg wh his sexual orientatn and he’s got a lot of homophobia, he’s probably gay.

A gay guy wants to do all of that wh a man, a bisexual guy might want a man or a woman, and the straight guy wants to only be wh a woman that way. He’s been lookg at gay porn or he’s been hookg up wh guys he meets through Craigslist. And that’s too gay for them anyway.

HOW TO COPE WHEN YOUR SPOE COM OUT AS GAY

The gay man is dog this bee ’s his sexual inty. Even if he’s nfed and don’t want to e out as gay, this is who he is and over time that will e out. But the gay man r.

So this is a way of bondg wh men—ironilly, through sex—and happens not bee the man is gay but bee he don’t know any other way to get this need met. And then they ask me if this mak them gay. It’s not gay or straight, ’s jt your an.

STRAIGHT WOMEN AND THEIR GAY HBANDS

Then I tell them that a lot of gay men don’t do anal at all, eher givg or receivg. If the man is gay, the relatnship has ls of a chance of survival. The reason is that the guy really is gay and he wants to exprs that sexually and romantilly.

Eher they’re worried that their man will eventually ci he’s gay and end the relatnship, or they want monogamy, and his cheatg is a threat to the marriage regardls of who he’s dog wh.