What Did They Love Me For?</tle><meta name="tle" ntent="What Did They Love Me For?" /><meta name="scriptn" ntent="How do whens shape our romantic liv? At a party for gay Asian men and their whe male "admirers," Jam Han Mattson nsirs the heavily racialized world of datg. " /><meta name="keywords" ntent /><meta property="og:type" ntent="webse" /><meta name="theme-lor" ntent="#000000" /><lk href="/_assets/sign-tokens/quire/static/imag/" rel="in" /><meta property="og:se_name" ntent="Esquire" /><meta name="fb:app_id" ntent="171874009543995" property="fb:app_id" /><meta name="article:publisher" ntent=" property="article:publisher" /><meta name="fb:pag" ntent="84169421673" property="fb:pag" /><meta name="twter:se" ntent="@Esquire" /><meta name="google-se-verifitn" ntent="1vf5i9wM7chlCFc_0XI_e-oCfDf4sEvp32sTGKokQ" /><meta property="og:tle" ntent="What Did They Love Me For?" /><meta property="og:scriptn" ntent="Shortly after I me out, I unwtgly went to a party for gay Asian men and the whe men who fetishized . My life would never really be the same aga. " /><meta name="robots" ntent="max-image-preview:large,max-snippet:-1,max-vio-preview:30" /><lk rel="apple-touch-in" href="/_assets/sign-tokens/quire/static/imag/" /><meta property="og:image" ntent="" /><meta property="og:image:width" ntent="1200" /><meta property="og:image:height" ntent="600" /><meta name="thumbnail" ntent="" /><meta name="" ntent="" /><meta name="" ntent=" /><meta name="twter:image" ntent="" /><meta ntent=" property="og:url" /><meta name="to-publish" ntent="timely" /><meta property="og:type" ntent="article" /><meta name="twter:rd" ntent="summary_large_image" /><meta name="article:opn" property="article:opn" /><meta ntent="Books" property="article:sectn" /><meta ntent="2021-09-27T13:11:19Z" property="article:modified_time" /><meta ntent="2021-09-27T12:00:00Z" property="article:published_time" /><meta name="sailth.excerpt" ntent="When I was a hman llege, a iend of me took me to a hoe party near downtown Mneapolis. I didn’t thk much of at the time—beg neteen, I seized any opportuny to drk un-rd—but after we arrived, I fot about the booze. The group was entirely male:" /><meta name="" ntent="entertament,Entertament,books,Books" /><meta name="" ntent="2021-09-27 12:00:00" /><meta name="sailth.socialtle" ntent="What Did They Love Me For?" /><meta name="ntenttype" ntent="standard-article" /><meta id="m1" name="m1" emProp="cssSelector " ntent=".ntent-hed" /><meta id="m2" name="m2" emProp="cssSelector" ntent=".ntent-k p" /><lk href="/" emSpe emType=" emRef="m1 m2" /><lk rel="preload" as="image" image-src-set=" 640w, 980w, 1120w, 1200w, 1920w" image-siz="100vw" /><lk rel="prefetch" href="" as="image" /><lk rel="prefetch" href="" as="image" /><lk rel="preload" as="image" image-src-set=" 640w, 980w, 1120w, 1200w, 1920w" image-siz="100vw" /><meta name="next-head-unt" ntent="49" /><meta name="next-font-prennect" /><script id="vice-tect" data-nscript="beforeInteractive">(()=>{nst o="ontouchstart" wdow||!!navigator.maxTouchPots||("__touch"),t=wdow.matchMedia("only screen and (max-width: 767px)").match,n=o&&t,i=o&&!t,e=[n?"mobile":"no-mobile",i?"tablet":"no-tablet",o?"touch":"no-touch"];,,,sktop=!(n||i),(...e)})();</script><script id="settgs" data-nscript="beforeInteractive">wdow.__FRE={env:"productn",ver:"0.7.353",cdn:te},wdow.__SITE={brand:"quire",doma:",dk:"aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZXNxdWlyZS5jb::20=",lole:"en-",lole_path:"",trailg_slash:te},feProperti(wdow,{SELF_HOSTED_ADS:{value:te,wrable:!1},ADSFREE:{value:false,wrable:!1},GDPR:{value:false,wrable:!1}});</script><lk rel="preload" href="/_assets/e/_next/static/css/" as="style" /><lk rel="stylheet" href="/_assets/e/_next/static/css/" /><noscript data-n-css></noscript><script fer noModule src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/"></script><script id="moapt-data-bundle" src="/_assets/moapt/2.108.0/" async fetchprry="high" data-nscript="beforeInteractive"></script><script id="moapt-bundle" src="/_assets/moapt/2.108.0/" async fetchprry="high" data-nscript="beforeInteractive"></script><script fer src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/"></script><script fer src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/"></script><script fer src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/"></script><script fer src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/"></script><script fer src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/"></script><script fer src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/"></script><script fer src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/"></script><script fer src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/"></script><script fer src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/"></script><script fer src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/"></script><script fer src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/"></script><script fer src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/"></script><script fer src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/"></script><script fer src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/"></script><script fer src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/"></script><script fer src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/"></script><script fer src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/"></script><script fer src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/"></script><script fer src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/"></script><script fer src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/"></script><script fer src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/"></script><script fer src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/"></script><script fer src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/"></script><script fer src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/"></script><script fer src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/"></script><script fer src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/"></script><script fer src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/"></script><script fer src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/"></script><script fer src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/"></script><script fer src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/"></script><script fer src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/"></script><script fer src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/"></script><script fer src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/"></script><script fer src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/"></script><script fer src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/"></script><script fer src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/"></script><script fer src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/"></script><script fer src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/"></script><script fer src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/"></script><script fer src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/"></script><script fer src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/"></script><script fer src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/"></script><script fer src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/"></script><script fer src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/"></script><script fer src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/"></script><script fer src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/"></script><script fer src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/"></script><script fer src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/"></script><script fer src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/"></script><script fer src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/"></script><script fer src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/"></script><script fer src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/"></script><script fer src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/"></script><script src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/" fer></script><script src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/" fer></script><script src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/" fer></script><script src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/pag/" fer></script><script src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/" fer></script><script src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/" fer></script><script src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/" fer></script><script src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/" fer></script><script src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/" fer></script><script src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/" fer></script><script src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/" fer></script><script src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/" fer></script><script src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/" fer></script><script src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/" fer></script><script src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/" fer></script><script src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/" fer></script><script src="/_assets/e/_next/static/chunks/pag/_templat/" fer></script><script src="/_assets/e/_next/static/092680c210/" fer></script><script src="/_assets/e/_next/static/092680c210/" fer></script><lk rel="preload" href="/_assets/sign-tokens/quire/static/fonts/Lsanne-550.e9ff2bf.woff2" as="font" type="font/woff2" crossOrig="anonymo" /><script id="lux">LUX=(functn(){nst a=(typeof(LUX)!=="unfed"&&typeof(LUX.gaMarks)!=="unfed"?LUX.gaMarks:[]);nst d=(typeof(LUX)!=="unfed"&&typeof(LUX.gaMeasur)!=="unfed"?LUX.gaMeasur:[]);nst j="LUX_start";nst k=wdow.performance;let l=(typeof(LUX)!=="unfed"&&(():+(new Date())));if(k&&){}functn f(){if(k&&){return ()}nst ():+(new Date());return o-l}functn b(n){if(k){if(){return (n)}if(k.webkMark){return k.webkMark(n)}}({name:n,entryType:"mark",startTime:f(),duratn:0});}functn m(p,t,n){if(typeof(t)==="unfed"&&h(j)){t=j}if(k){if(k.measure){if(t){if(n){return k.measure(p,t,n)}return k.measure(p,t)}return k.measure(p)}if(k.webkMeasure){return k.webkMeasure(p,t,n)}}let r=0; let o=f();if(t){nst s=h(t);if(s){r=s.startTime}else if(k&&[t]){[t]}else{return}}if(n){nst q=h(n);if(q){o=q.startTime}else if(k&&[n]){[n]}else{return}}({name:p,entryType:"measure",startTime:r,duratn:(o-r)});}functn h(n){return c(n,g())}functn c(p,o){for(;i>=0;i--){nst n=o[i];if(){return n}}return unfed}functn g(){if(k){if(k.getEntriByType){return k.getEntriByType("mark")}if(k.webkGetEntriByType){return k.webkGetEntriByType("mark")}}return a}return{mark:b,measure:m,gaMarks:a,gaMeasur:d}})();(():+(new Date()));[];(a){(a)};(){([""])};(){(["send"])};LUX.addData=functn(a,b){(["addData",a,b])};LUX_ae=[];wdow.addEventListener("error",functn(a){(a)});LUX_al=[];if(typeof(PerformanceObserver)==="functn"&&typeof(PerformanceLongTaskTimg)==="functn"){nst LongTaskObserver=new PerformanceObserver(functn(c){nst b=c.getEntri();for(let a=0;a<;a++){nst d=b[a];(d)}});try{LongTaskObserver.observe({type:["longtask"]})}tch(e){}}; = "StandardArticle";</script><style type="text/css" id="ferred-fonts" media="none">@font-face {font-fay: 'Inter'; src: url('/_assets/sign-tokens/e/static/fonts/ter-v3-lat-regular.c8ad008.woff2') format('woff2'); font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-display: swap;} @font-face {font-fay: 'Glanz'; src: url('/_assets/sign-tokens/quire/static/fonts/Glanz-Medium.ae4cfa9.woff2') format('woff2'); font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-display: swap;} @font-face {font-fay: 'Charter'; src: url('/_assets/sign-tokens/e/static/fonts/e4fc2e26-0ce1-4e6c-bb35-330c133f041c.c08ce2c.woff2') format('woff2'); font-weight: 400; font-style: alic; font-display: swap;} @font-face {font-fay: 'Charter'; src: url('/_assets/sign-tokens/e/static/fonts/74c2aebb-af4a-4c7d-a7f5-2db2c73334eb.c4fa4.woff2') format('woff2'); font-weight: bold; font-style: normal; font-display: swap;} @font-face {font-fay: 'Charter'; src: url('/_assets/sign-tokens/e/static/fonts/e38fddd1-89a4-4995-9f7f-3c701b2e62f1.dd7387f.woff2') format('woff2'); font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-display: swap;} @font-face {font-fay: 'Lsanne'; src: url('/_assets/sign-tokens/quire/static/fonts/Lsanne-550-Italic.026a034.woff2') format('woff2'); font-weight: 400; font-style: alic; font-display: swap;} </style><script type="text/javascript" id="font-loar">(()=>{nst{search:o}=wdow.lotn;if(clus("disableFonts"))return;nst e=clus("bugFonts")?()=>({}),n=document,t=[],s=o=>("> FONT FAILED TO LOAD:",o),d=o=>o,{fontsLoad:a}=ssnStorage;if(!("fonts" n)||a){nst o=n.getElementById("ferred-fonts");return o&&("all"),void(a&&(e("> LOADING FONTS FROM CACHE"),((o=>{(()(d)(s))})),(t)((()=>{e("> FONTS LOADED FROM CACHE"),("fonts-load")}))))}wdow.addEventListener("DOMContentLoad",(()=>{[{"fay":"Inter","src":"/_assets/sign-tokens/e/static/fonts/ter-v3-lat-regular.c8ad008.woff2","format":"woff2","scriptors":{"weight":400,"display":"swap","style":"normal"}},{"fay":"Glanz","src":"/_assets/sign-tokens/quire/static/fonts/Glanz-Medium.ae4cfa9.woff2","format":"woff2","scriptors":{"weight":400,"display":"swap","style":"normal"}},{"fay":"Charter","src":"/_assets/sign-tokens/e/static/fonts/e4fc2e26-0ce1-4e6c-bb35-330c133f041c.c08ce2c.woff2","format":"woff2","scriptors":{"weight":400,"display":"swap","style":"alic"}},{"fay":"Charter","src":"/_assets/sign-tokens/e/static/fonts/74c2aebb-af4a-4c7d-a7f5-2db2c73334eb.c4fa4.woff2","format":"woff2","scriptors":{"weight":"bold","display":"swap","style":"normal"}},{"fay":"Charter","src":"/_assets/sign-tokens/e/static/fonts/e38fddd1-89a4-4995-9f7f-3c701b2e62f1.dd7387f.woff2","format":"woff2","scriptors":{"weight":400,"display":"swap","style":"normal"}},{"fay":"Lsanne","src":"/_assets/sign-tokens/quire/static/fonts/Lsanne-550-Italic.026a034.woff2","format":"woff2","scriptors":{"weight":400,"display":"swap","style":"alic"}}].forEach((({fay:o,src:e,format:n="woff",scriptors:a={}})=>{(new FontFace(o,`url('${e}') format('${n}')`,a)()(d)(s))})),(t)((o=>{e("> FONTS LOADED"),o.forEach((o=>o&&(o))),("fonts-load"),ssnStorage.fontsLoad=!0}))}))})();</script></head><body><style data-emotn="css-global 1km10">html{le-height:1.15;-webk-text-size-adjt:100%;}body{marg:0;}ma{display:block;}h1{font-size:2em;marg:0.67em 0;}hr{box-sizg:ntent-box;height:0;overflow:visible;}pre{font-fay:monospace,monospace;font-size:1em;}a{background-lor:transparent;}abbr[tle]{borr-bottom:none;-webk-text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn:unrle;-webk-text-ratn:unrle dotted;text-ratn:unrle dotted;}b,strong{font-weight:bolr;},kbd,samp{font-fay:monospace,monospace;font-size:1em;}small{font-size:80%;}sub,sup{font-size:75%;le-height:0;posn:relative;vertil-align:basele;}sub{bottom:-0.25em;}sup{top:-0.5em;}img{borr-style:none;}button,put,optgroup,select,textarea{font-fay:her;font-size:100%;le-height:1.15;marg:0;}button,put{overflow:visible;}button,select{text-transform:none;}button,[type='button'],[type='ret'],[type='subm']{-webk-appearance:button;}button::-moz-foc-ner,[type='button']::-moz-foc-ner,[type='ret']::-moz-foc-ner,[type='subm']::-moz-foc-ner{borr-style:none;paddg:0;}button:-moz-focrg,[type='button']:-moz-focrg,[type='ret']:-moz-focrg,[type='subm']:-moz-focrg{outle:1px dotted ButtonText;}fieldset{paddg:0.35em 0.75em 0.625em;}legend{box-sizg:borr-box;lor:her;display:table;max-width:100%;paddg:0;whe-space:normal;}progrs{vertil-align:basele;}textarea{overflow:to;}[type='checkbox'],[type='rad']{box-sizg:borr-box;paddg:0;}[type='number']::-webk-ner-sp-button,[type='number']::-webk-outer-sp-button{height:to;}[type='search']{-webk-appearance:textfield;outle-offset:-2px;}[type='search']::-webk-search-ratn{-webk-appearance:none;}::-webk-file-upload-button{-webk-appearance:button;font:her;}tails{display:block;}summary{display:-webk-box;display:-webk-list-em;display:-ms-list-embox;display:list-em;}template{display:none;}[hidn]{display:none;}*{box-sizg:borr-box;}html{font-fay:sans-serif;-ms-text-size-adjt:100%;-webk-font-smoothg:antialiased;-webk-text-size-adjt:100%;scroll-behavr:smooth;overflow-x:hidn;overflow-y:to;}@media (prefers-rced-motn: rce){*{-webk-animatn-duratn:0.01ms!important;animatn-duratn:0.01ms!important;-webk-animatn-eratn-unt:1!important;animatn-eratn-unt:1!important;transn-duratn:0.01ms!important;scroll-behavr:to!important;}},{overflow:hidn;} #__next, #__next{overflow:hidn;}body{m-height:100vh;m-height:-webk-fill-available;}a{lor:her;}a:foc-visible{outle:0.125rem dotted;outle-offset:0.313rem;}button{lor:her;}img:-moz-loadg{lor:transparent;}.__rp-ntaer{posn:relative;-webk-text-ratn:none;text-ratn:none;}.__rp-ntaer:before{ntent:'""';lor:transparent;display:block;width:100%;height:0;paddg-bottom:var(--aspect-rat, 100%);}.__rp-ntaer img:not( img):not(.filmstrip-image-wrapper img):not([data-dynamic-svg]),.__rp-ntaer vio{posn:absolute;top:0;left:0;width:100%;m-width:100%;height:var(--height, to);max-height:100%;object-f:var(--object-f, ver);}.__rp-ntaer vio{object-f:nta;}.__rp-ntaer {posn:absolute;top:0;}. img[importance=to]{-webk-transn:opacy 0.3s lear;transn:opacy 0.3s lear;opacy:0;}. img[importance=to].lazyload{opacy:1;}{posn:absolute;left:-10000px,width:1px;height:1px;paddg:0;marg:-1px;overflow:hidn;clip:rect(0, 0, 0, 0);whe-space:nowrap;borr-width:0;}{-webk-background-size:ver;background-size:ver;-webk-background-posn:center;background-posn:center;}@media prt{{display:none!important;}}@font-face{font-fay:'Lsanne';src:url('/_assets/sign-tokens/quire/static/fonts/Lsanne-550.e9ff2bf.woff2') format('woff2');font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-display:swap;}[data-embed]:not(:fed){display:none;}[data-embed]:fed{display:-webk-var(--data-embed-display, block);display:var(--data-embed-display, block);}@font-face{font-fay:"Glanz-fallback";size-adjt:97.9;src:lol('Roboto');}@font-face{font-fay:"Lsanne-fallback";size-adjt:103.49999999999997;src:lol('Roboto');}</style><div id="__next"><style data-emotn="css-global ploijv">{clear:both;}@media (m-width: 90rem){():not([data-embed]="body-image"){clear:none;}}</style><sectn data-teractive="SiPanel-1" class="css-0 e7czha50"><style data-emotn="css 72meel">{visibily:hidn;ntent-visibily:hidn;background-lor:#F5F6F8;lor:#000;width:20rem;max-width:20rem;height:100%;overflow-x:hidn;overflow-y:scroll;posn:fixed;top:0rem;z-x:5999998;-webk-transn:-webk-transform 0.2s lear;transn:transform 0.2s lear;-webk-transform:translateX(-20rem);-moz-transform:translateX(-20rem);-ms-transform:translateX(-20rem);transform:translateX(-20rem);} >div{display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;m-height:100%;-webk-flex-directn:lumn;-ms-flex-directn:lumn;flex-directn:lumn;} ~.sipanelToggleable{-webk-transform:ial;-moz-transform:ial;-ms-transform:ial;transform:ial;-webk-transn:-webk-transform 0.2s lear;transn:transform 0.2s lear;}{-webk-transform:translateX(0);-moz-transform:translateX(0);-ms-transform:translateX(0);transform:translateX(0);visibily:visible;ntent-visibily:to;} ~.sipanelToggleable{-webk-transform:translateX(20rem);-moz-transform:translateX(20rem);-ms-transform:translateX(20rem);transform:translateX(20rem);}@media(m-width: 90rem){ ~.sipanelToggleable{-webk-transform:translateX(7rem);-moz-transform:translateX(7rem);-ms-transform:translateX(7rem);transform:translateX(7rem);}}</style><nav id="sipanel" aria-hidn="te" class="new-sipanel-menu hidn css-72meel eqt11jm15"><div data-foc-lock-disabled="disabled" data-foc-lock="ma"><style data-emotn="css 3uwsu9">{marg:1rem 1rem 0 1rem;paddg:0 0.6rem;width:-webk-m-ntent;width:-moz-m-ntent;width:m-ntent;height:2.1875rem;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;-webk-text-ratn:none;text-ratn:none;} svg{fill:#000000;}</style><a href="/search/" class="css-3uwsu9 e1c1bym14"><style data-emotn="css fpbvzc">{height:1rem;width:1rem;}</style><svg alt="Search" tle="Search" data-dynamic-svg class="css-fpbvzc eqt11jm0"><e data-href="/_assets/sign-tokens/e/static/ins/"></e></svg><style data-emotn="css 10myxgw">{paddg:1rem;lor:#000000;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:0.9375rem;le-height:1.9;}</style><span class="css-10myxgw eqt11jm14">Search</span></a><style data-emotn="css 19toa0d">{paddg:0.6rem;right:1.0625rem;top:1rem;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;posn:absolute;-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;-webk-text-ratn:none;text-ratn:none;}</style><a href="#" aria-label="Close Sipanel" class="css-19toa0d e1c1bym14"><style data-emotn="css 1lgifh3">{width:1rem;height:1rem;fill:#000000;}</style><svg alt="Close" role="img" tle="Close" data-dynamic-svg class="css-1lgifh3 eqt11jm13"><e data-href="/_assets/sign-tokens/e/static/ins/"></e></svg></a><style data-emotn="css xwjhf9">{marg:0.5rem 1rem 0.125rem;paddg:0rem;opacy:35%;height:0.0625rem;borr:0;width:to;background-lor:#000000;lor:#fff;}</style><hr class="css-xwjhf9 eqt11jm12" /><style data-emotn="css 1rf2j2e">{posn:relative;list-style:none;marg:0rem;paddg:0.6rem;-webk-flex:1 0 to;-ms-flex:1 0 to;flex:1 0 to;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:0.9375rem;le-height:1.9;} a{-webk-text-ratn:none;text-ratn:none;}</style><ul class="css-1rf2j2e eqt11jm11"><style data-emotn="css 1fqyieb">{-webk-transn:background-lor 0.2s lear;transn:background-lor 0.2s lear;paddg:0 1rem;}{posn:relative;paddg:0.5rem 1rem;lor:#000000;-webk-transn:paddg 0.3s lear,background-lor 0.2s lear;transn:paddg 0.3s lear,background-lor 0.2s lear;}{paddg:0.5rem 1rem 0;background-lor:#ffffff;lor:#000;}{outle:0.0625rem solid black;}@media (any-hover: hover){{background-lor:#ffffff;lor:#000;}}</style><li class="nav-em css-1fqyieb eqt11jm9"><style data-emotn="css 75z2gz">{display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;posn:relative;width:100%;height:2.875rem;lor:#000000;-webk-transn:lor 0.2s lear;transn:lor 0.2s lear;} {height:unset;display:le;-webk-align-ems:unset;-webk-box-align:unset;-ms-flex-align:unset;align-ems:unset;paddg:0.5rem 0;}@media (any-hover: hover){{lor:si-panel-menu-lk;}}</style><a href=" class="css-75z2gz e1c1bym14">Subscribe</a></li><li class="nav-em css-1fqyieb eqt11jm9"><a href=" class="css-75z2gz e1c1bym14">My Bookmarks</a></li><li data-id="3" class="nav-em has-children has-submenu submenu-closed css-1fqyieb eqt11jm9"><a href="/entertament/" class="css-75z2gz e1c1bym14">Entertament</a><style data-emotn="css pjjyzu">{posn:absolute;right:1.4rem;top:1.2rem;borr-lor:#000000;borr-style:solid;borr-width:0 0.0625rem 0.0625rem 0;paddg:0.2rem;-webk-transn:-webk-transform 0.25s ease--out;transn:transform 0.25s ease--out;cursor:poter;background-lor:transparent;lor:#fff;}.submenu-open {-webk-transform:rotate(45g);-moz-transform:rotate(45g);-ms-transform:rotate(45g);transform:rotate(45g);}.submenu-closed {-webk-transform:rotate(-45g);-moz-transform:rotate(-45g);-ms-transform:rotate(-45g);transform:rotate(-45g);}</style><button role="button" tabInx="0" aria-expand="false" class="css-pjjyzu eqt11jm7"></button><style data-emotn="css 1t2le0x animatn-1dfsy">{posn:relative;list-style:none;marg:0rem;paddg:0rem;max-height:0rem;-webk-transn:max-height 0.3s cubic-bezier(0, 1, 0, 1),opacy 0.2s lear 0.15s,marg 0.3s lear;transn:max-height 0.3s cubic-bezier(0, 1, 0, 1),opacy 0.2s lear 0.15s,marg 0.3s lear;height:unset;overflow:hidn;opacy:0;visibily:hidn;-webk-animatn:1s animatn-1dfsy;animatn:1s animatn-1dfsy;-webk-animatn-fill-mo:forwards;animatn-fill-mo:forwards;width:lc(100% + 2rem);marg-left:-1rem;background-lor:#F5F5F5;lor:#000;}.submenu-open {max-height:27rem;overflow-y:scroll;height:to;opacy:1;visibily:visible;marg-top:0.75rem;}.submenu-closed {max-height:0rem;}@-webk-keyam animatn-1dfsy{99%{visibily:hidn;display:none;}100%{visibily:visible;display:block;}}@keyam animatn-1dfsy{99%{visibily:hidn;display:none;}100%{visibily:visible;display:block;}}</style><ul class="css-1t2le0x eqt11jm10"><style data-emotn="css 1e5v4ze">{-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;cursor:poter;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;height:2.5rem;paddg:0 1rem;} {-webk-transn:background-lor 0.2s lear;transn:background-lor 0.2s lear;} {background-lor:#969696;lor:#000;} a{opacy:0.8;}{background-lor:#ffffff;lor:#000000;}</style><li class="nav-em css-1e5v4ze eqt11jm8"><a href="/entertament/tv/" class="css-75z2gz e1c1bym14">TV</a></li><li class="nav-em css-1e5v4ze eqt11jm8"><a href="/entertament/movi/" class="css-75z2gz e1c1bym14">Movi</a></li><li class="nav-em css-1e5v4ze eqt11jm8"><a href="/entertament/books/" class="css-75z2gz e1c1bym14">Books</a></li><li class="nav-em css-1e5v4ze eqt11jm8"><a href="/entertament/mic/" class="css-75z2gz e1c1bym14">Mic</a></li><li class="nav-em css-1e5v4ze eqt11jm8"><a target="_blank" rel="noopener" href="/bt-of-2020/" class="css-75z2gz e1c1bym14">Bt of 2020</a></li><li class="nav-em css-1e5v4ze eqt11jm8"><a target="_blank" rel="noopener" href="/bt-of-2021/" class="css-75z2gz e1c1bym14">Bt of 2021</a></li></ul></li><li data-id="4" class="nav-em has-children has-submenu submenu-closed css-1fqyieb eqt11jm9"><a href="/style/" class="css-75z2gz e1c1bym14">Style</a><button role="button" tabInx="0" aria-expand="false" class="css-pjjyzu eqt11jm7"></button><ul class="css-1t2le0x eqt11jm10"><li class="nav-em css-1e5v4ze eqt11jm8"><a href="/style/mens-fashn/" class="css-75z2gz e1c1bym14">Fashn</a></li><li class="nav-em css-1e5v4ze eqt11jm8"><a href="/style/groomg/" class="css-75z2gz e1c1bym14">Groomg</a></li><li class="nav-em css-1e5v4ze eqt11jm8"><a href="/style/mens-accsori/" class="css-75z2gz e1c1bym14">Accsori</a></li><li class="nav-em css-1e5v4ze eqt11jm8"><a href="/style/big-black-book/" class="css-75z2gz e1c1bym14">Big Black Book</a></li></ul></li><li data-id="5" class="nav-em has-children has-submenu submenu-closed css-1fqyieb eqt11jm9"><a href="/food-drk/food/" class="css-75z2gz e1c1bym14">Food</a><button role="button" tabInx="0" aria-expand="false" class="css-pjjyzu eqt11jm7"></button><ul class="css-1t2le0x eqt11jm10"><li class="nav-em css-1e5v4ze eqt11jm8"><a href="/food-drk/rtrants/" class="css-75z2gz e1c1bym14">Rtrants</a></li><li class="nav-em css-1e5v4ze eqt11jm8"><a href="/ntenttype/recip/" class="css-75z2gz e1c1bym14">Recip</a></li></ul></li><li data-id="6" class="nav-em has-children has-submenu submenu-closed css-1fqyieb eqt11jm9"><a href="/food-drk/drks/" class="css-75z2gz e1c1bym14">Drks</a><button role="button" tabInx="0" aria-expand="false" class="css-pjjyzu eqt11jm7"></button><ul class="css-1t2le0x eqt11jm10"><li class="nav-em css-1e5v4ze eqt11jm8"><a href="/food-drk/bars/" class="css-75z2gz e1c1bym14">Bars</a></li><li class="nav-em css-1e5v4ze eqt11jm8"><a href="/cktail-recip/" class="css-75z2gz e1c1bym14">Cocktail Recip</a></li></ul></li><li class="nav-em css-1fqyieb eqt11jm9"><a href="/sports/" class="css-75z2gz e1c1bym14">Sports</a></li><li data-id="8" class="nav-em has-children has-submenu submenu-closed css-1fqyieb eqt11jm9"><a href="/liftyle/" class="css-75z2gz e1c1bym14">Liftyle</a><button role="button" tabInx="0" aria-expand="false" class="css-pjjyzu eqt11jm7"></button><ul class="css-1t2le0x eqt11jm10"><li class="nav-em css-1e5v4ze eqt11jm8"><a href="/liftyle/rs/" class="css-75z2gz e1c1bym14">Cars & Tech</a></li><li class="nav-em css-1e5v4ze eqt11jm8"><a href="/liftyle/health/" class="css-75z2gz e1c1bym14">Fns & Health</a></li><li class="nav-em css-1e5v4ze eqt11jm8"><a href="/liftyle/money/" class="css-75z2gz e1c1bym14">Money & Career</a></li></ul></li><li data-id="9" class="nav-em has-children has-submenu submenu-closed css-1fqyieb eqt11jm9"><a href="/news-polics/" class="css-75z2gz e1c1bym14">News & Polics</a><button role="button" tabInx="0" aria-expand="false" class="css-pjjyzu eqt11jm7"></button><ul class="css-1t2le0x eqt11jm10"><li class="nav-em css-1e5v4ze eqt11jm8"><a href="/news-polics/polics/" class="css-75z2gz e1c1bym14">Charl P. Pierce</a></li></ul></li><li class="nav-em css-1fqyieb eqt11jm9"><a href=" class="css-75z2gz e1c1bym14">Archive</a></li><li class="nav-em css-1fqyieb eqt11jm9"><a target="_blank" rel="nofollow noopener" href=" class="css-75z2gz e1c1bym14">Newsletter</a></li><li class="nav-em css-1fqyieb eqt11jm9"><a href=" class="css-75z2gz e1c1bym14">About Us</a></li><li data-id="13" class="nav-em has-children has-submenu submenu-closed css-1fqyieb eqt11jm9"><a href="#" class="css-75z2gz e1c1bym14">Follow</a><button role="button" tabInx="0" aria-expand="false" class="css-pjjyzu eqt11jm7"></button><ul class="css-1t2le0x eqt11jm10"><li class="nav-em css-1e5v4ze eqt11jm8"><a href=" class="css-75z2gz e1c1bym14">facebook</a></li><li class="nav-em css-1e5v4ze eqt11jm8"><a href=" class="css-75z2gz e1c1bym14">twter</a></li><li class="nav-em css-1e5v4ze eqt11jm8"><a href=" class="css-75z2gz e1c1bym14">google+</a></li><li class="nav-em css-1e5v4ze eqt11jm8"><a href=" class="css-75z2gz e1c1bym14">ptert</a></li><li class="nav-em css-1e5v4ze eqt11jm8"><a href=" class="css-75z2gz e1c1bym14">tumblr</a></li><li class="nav-em css-1e5v4ze eqt11jm8"><a href=" class="css-75z2gz e1c1bym14">stagram</a></li><li class="nav-em css-1e5v4ze eqt11jm8"><a href=" class="css-75z2gz e1c1bym14">youtube</a></li></ul></li><li class="nav-em css-1fqyieb eqt11jm9"><a href=" class="css-75z2gz e1c1bym14">W</a></li></ul><style data-emotn="css nu5j">{posn:relative;list-style:none;marg:1.5625rem 0 0.5rem 1rem;paddg:0rem;max-width:50%;} a{-webk-text-ratn:none;text-ratn:none;}{ntent:"";posn:absolute;top:0.5rem;width:1rem;height:1rem;background-lor:#000000;lor:#fff;}.visible {-webk-mask:url(/_assets/sign-tokens/e/static/ins/);mask:url(/_assets/sign-tokens/e/static/ins/);}</style><ul class="css-nu5j eqt11jm6"><style data-emotn="css 1vjstyg">{paddg-left:1.1875rem;posn:relative;}{cursor:poter;posn:relative;}>button{top:0.8rem;right:0rem;}</style><li data-id="1" class="nav-em has-children has-submenu submenu-closed css-1vjstyg eqt11jm5"><style data-emotn="css 1y68h0e">{posn:relative;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;width:-webk-max-ntent;width:-moz-max-ntent;width:max-ntent;poter-events:none;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:0.9375rem;le-height:1.9;}</style><a href="/" class="css-1y68h0e e1c1bym14">Other Edns</a><button role="button" tabInx="0" aria-expand="false" class="css-pjjyzu eqt11jm7"></button><style data-emotn="css 1nord4m animatn-1dfsy">{posn:relative;list-style:none;marg:0rem;paddg:0rem;max-height:0rem;-webk-transn:max-height 0.3s cubic-bezier(0, 1, 0, 1),opacy 0.2s lear 0.15s,marg 0.3s lear;transn:max-height 0.3s cubic-bezier(0, 1, 0, 1),opacy 0.2s lear 0.15s,marg 0.3s lear;height:unset;overflow:hidn;-webk-animatn:1s animatn-1dfsy;animatn:1s animatn-1dfsy;-webk-animatn-fill-mo:forwards;animatn-fill-mo:forwards;} a{-webk-text-ratn:none;text-ratn:none;}.submenu-open {max-height:27rem;overflow-y:scroll;height:to;marg-top:0.625rem;}.submenu-closed {max-height:0rem;}@-webk-keyam animatn-1dfsy{99%{visibily:hidn;display:none;}100%{visibily:visible;display:block;}}@keyam animatn-1dfsy{99%{visibily:hidn;display:none;}100%{visibily:visible;display:block;}}</style><ul class="css-1nord4m eqt11jm4"><li dataid="1" sx="[object Object]" class="nav-em"><style data-emotn="css gyakip">{height:1.5625rem;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:0.9375rem;le-height:1.9;}@media (any-hover: hover){{-webk-transn:opacy 0.2s lear;transn:opacy 0.2s lear;}{opacy:0.8;-webk-text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn:unrle;}}</style><a href="/" class="css-gyakip e1c1bym14">US</a></li><li dataid="2" sx="[object Object]" class="nav-em"><a href="//" class="css-gyakip e1c1bym14">UK</a></li><li dataid="3" sx="[object Object]" class="nav-em"><a href="//" class="css-gyakip e1c1bym14">España</a></li><li dataid="4" sx="[object Object]" class="nav-em"><a href="//" class="css-gyakip e1c1bym14">Italia</a></li><li dataid="5" sx="[object Object]" class="nav-em"><a href="//" class="css-gyakip e1c1bym14">Japan</a></li></ul></li><li hidn></li></ul><style data-emotn="css 5a7ket">{marg:0 to;} .ei3fq280{borr:0.0625rem solid black;}</style><div class="css-5a7ket eqt11jm3"></div><style data-emotn="css sfww4i">{display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;width:100%;height:3.125rem;-webk-flex-shrk:0;-ms-flex-negative:0;flex-shrk:0;-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;paddg-left:1rem;}</style><footer class="sipanel-footer-ntaer css-sfww4i eqt11jm2"><style data-emotn="css 1042zvj">{font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:0.70003rem;le-height:2rem;marg-right:1rem;-webk-text-ratn:none;text-ratn:none;text-transform:upperse;} {-webk-transn:opacy 0.2 lear;transn:opacy 0.2 lear;} {lor:activsi-panel-sub-menu-hover;}{marg-right:0rem;}</style><a target="_blank" rel="noopener" href=" class="css-1042zvj e1c1bym14">Privacy Notice</a><a target="_blank" rel="noopener" href=" class="css-1042zvj e1c1bym14">Terms Of Use</a></footer></div></nav></sectn><div data-foc-lock-disabled="disabled" data-foc-lock="ma" class="sipanelToggleable"><span tabInx="0"></span><style data-emotn="css 1ec7baw">{display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;-webk-box-pack:center;-ms-flex-pack:center;-webk-jtify-ntent:center;jtify-ntent:center;posn:absolute;left:1rem;top:1rem;z-x:9999999;text-align:center;opacy:0;-webk-transform:translateY(lc(-100% - 2.5rem));-moz-transform:translateY(lc(-100% - 2.5rem));-ms-transform:translateY(lc(-100% - 2.5rem));transform:translateY(lc(-100% - 2.5rem));-webk-text-ratn:none;text-ratn:none;borr:medium solid whe;box-shadow:0 0 0 3px #55adff;background-lor:#000000;lor:#fff;borr-radi:1.875rem;font-fay:Inter,Helveti,Arial,Sans-serif;font-size:0.8928rem;le-height:1;font-weight:bold;paddg:0.625rem 1.25rem;width:to;}{opacy:1;-webk-transform:translateY(0%);-moz-transform:translateY(0%);-ms-transform:translateY(0%);transform:translateY(0%);}{outle:none;}</style><style data-emotn="css 9l6ije">{display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;-webk-box-pack:center;-ms-flex-pack:center;-webk-jtify-ntent:center;jtify-ntent:center;posn:absolute;left:1rem;top:1rem;z-x:9999999;text-align:center;opacy:0;-webk-transform:translateY(lc(-100% - 2.5rem));-moz-transform:translateY(lc(-100% - 2.5rem));-ms-transform:translateY(lc(-100% - 2.5rem));transform:translateY(lc(-100% - 2.5rem));-webk-text-ratn:none;text-ratn:none;borr:medium solid whe;box-shadow:0 0 0 3px #55adff;background-lor:#000000;lor:#fff;borr-radi:1.875rem;font-fay:Inter,Helveti,Arial,Sans-serif;font-size:0.8928rem;le-height:1;font-weight:bold;paddg:0.625rem 1.25rem;width:to;}{opacy:1;-webk-transform:translateY(0%);-moz-transform:translateY(0%);-ms-transform:translateY(0%);transform:translateY(0%);}{outle:none;}</style><a href="#ma-ntent" class="e1i650950 css-9l6ije e1c1bym14">Skip to Content</a><style data-emotn="css 1p8n2aj">{background-lor:#F5F6F8;borr-bottom:0.125rem solid #FF3A30;lor:#000;height:100%;posn:-webk-sticky;posn:sticky;top:var(--nav-offset, 0);z-x:999;}@media prt{{display:none;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{posn:-webk-sticky;posn:sticky;top:var(--nav-offset, 0);}}</style><nav data-trackg-id="topNav" class="css-1p8n2aj efnztv77"><style data-emotn="css 1pqs8">{-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-webk-box-flex-wrap:wrap;-webk-flex-wrap:wrap;-ms-flex-wrap:wrap;flex-wrap:wrap;height:100%;marg:0 to;max-width:75rem;paddg-left:0;paddg-right:0;width:100%;z-x:1;}@media(m-width: 64rem){{-webk-box-flex-wrap:nowrap;-webk-flex-wrap:nowrap;-ms-flex-wrap:nowrap;flex-wrap:nowrap;}}</style><div class="nav-bar-ntaer css-1pqs8 efnztv76"><style data-emotn="css 1s1p3wv">{le-height:0.7;marg-left:0.9375rem;-webk-text-ratn:none;text-ratn:none;}@media(max-width: 64rem){{paddg:0.5rem 0.25rem 0.5rem 0.625rem;}}@media(m-width: 20rem){{paddg:0.5rem 0.25rem 0.5rem 0;} svg{fill:#000000;-webk-transn:fill 0.3s ease--out;transn:fill 0.3s ease--out;} svg:hover{fill:#595959;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem) and (max-width: 90rem){{marg-left:2.5rem;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{paddg:0.5rem 0.625rem 0.5rem 0.625rem;}}@media(m-width: 90rem){{marg-left:0rem;}} svg{height:1.875rem;width:1.875rem;}</style><a aria-label="Sipanel Button" href="#sipanel" class="css-1s1p3wv e1c1bym14"><svg alt="Menu" tle="Si Panel" data-dynamic-svg><e href="/_assets/sign-tokens/e/static/ins/"></e></svg></a><style data-emotn="css 1ivqn86">{le-height:0;marg-right:to;width:7.25rem;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{height:1rem;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{height:1.1rem;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{marg-right:0.3125rem;}}</style><a href="/" aria-label="Esquire" class="nav-logo css-1ivqn86 e1c1bym14"><img data-dynamic-svg src="/_assets/sign-tokens/quire/static/imag/logos/" fetchprry="high" alt="Logo" height="to" width="to" class="css-0 e1ccpyf90" /></a><style data-emotn="css ao5eoo">{-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;borr-bottom:th solid #F5F5F5;borr-top:th solid #F5F5F5;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-webk-orr:1;-ms-flex-orr:1;orr:1;overflow-x:to;overflow-y:hidn;width:100%;}@media(m-width: 20rem){{background-lor:her;}}@media(m-width: 61.25rem){{background-lor:her;borr-bottom:0;borr-top:0;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{-webk-orr:0;-ms-flex-orr:0;orr:0;width:to;}}{height:0rem;}</style><div style="scrollbar-width: none;" class="css-ao5eoo efnztv73"><style data-emotn="css xs3857">{display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;list-style:none;marg:0rem;paddg-left:1.125rem;-webk-transform:translateX(unfedpx);-moz-transform:translateX(unfedpx);-ms-transform:translateX(unfedpx);transform:translateX(unfedpx);width:100%;}@media(m-width: 40.625rem) and (max-width: 61.25rem){{paddg-left:2.625rem;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{paddg-left:3.125rem;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{paddg-left:0rem;}}</style><ul class="css-xs3857 efnztv72"><style data-emotn="css q9n041">{font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:0.75rem;letter-spacg:0.04rem;le-height:2rem;paddg:0 1.875rem 0 1.25rem;text-transform:upperse;whe-space:nowrap;}@media(m-width: 64rem){{paddg:0 1.25rem 0 1.25rem;}}</style><li class="css-q9n041 efnztv71"><style data-emotn="css c8i4ma">{lor:her;display:le-block;le-height:2.58918;m-height:3rem;m-width:3rem;paddg:.5rem 0 .5rem 0;text-align:center;-webk-text-ratn:none;text-ratn:none;-webk-transn:outle 0.3s ease--out,outle-offset 0.3s ease--out;transn:outle 0.3s ease--out,outle-offset 0.3s ease--out;}@media(m-width: 61.25rem){{lor:her;}}{-webk-text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn-thickns:0.0625rem;text-unrle-offset:0.25rem;}</style><style data-emotn="css 7qn7yr">{lor:her;display:le-block;le-height:2.58918;m-height:3rem;m-width:3rem;paddg:.5rem 0 .5rem 0;text-align:center;-webk-text-ratn:none;text-ratn:none;-webk-transn:outle 0.3s ease--out,outle-offset 0.3s ease--out;transn:outle 0.3s ease--out,outle-offset 0.3s ease--out;}@media(m-width: 61.25rem){{lor:her;}}{-webk-text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn-thickns:0.0625rem;text-unrle-offset:0.25rem;}</style><a href="/entertament/" aria-current="false" class="e1c1bym11 css-7qn7yr e1c1bym14">Entertament</a></li><li class="css-q9n041 efnztv71"><a href="/style/" aria-current="false" class="e1c1bym11 css-7qn7yr e1c1bym14">Style</a></li><li class="css-q9n041 efnztv71"><a href="/liftyle/" aria-current="false" class="e1c1bym11 css-7qn7yr e1c1bym14">Liftyle</a></li><li class="css-q9n041 efnztv71"><a href="/bt-products-to-buy/" aria-current="false" class="e1c1bym11 css-7qn7yr e1c1bym14">Shoppg</a></li><li class="css-q9n041 efnztv71"><a href="/news-polics/" aria-current="false" class="e1c1bym11 css-7qn7yr e1c1bym14">News & Polics</a></li></ul></div><style data-emotn="css gzliae">{-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;height:1.875rem;width:to;marg:0 0 0 to;paddg-left:1.05rem;paddg-right:1.05rem;text-align:center;-webk-text-ratn:none;text-ratn:none;paddg-top:0.125rem;background:#FF3A30;background-lor:#FF3A30;lor:#000000;borr:th solid #FF3A30;borr-radi:2rem;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:0.875rem;le-height:1.3;letter-spacg:0.04rem;text-transform:upperse;-webk-transn:all 0.3s ease--out;transn:all 0.3s ease--out;} {width:unset;word-spacg:unset;}@media (any-hover: hover){{-webk-transn:box-shadow 0.2s lear,background 0.2s lear;transn:box-shadow 0.2s lear,background 0.2s lear;}{;;}}{outle-lor:#000000;}{background-lor:#ffffff;lor:#000;borr:th solid #FF3A30;} svg{fill:#000000;} svg>path{fill:#000000;} svg{fill:#000000;} svg>path{fill:#000000;}</style><a href=" class="css-gzliae e1c1bym14">Subscribe</a><style data-emotn="css 1y41cbl">{paddg-right:0.9375rem;posn:relative;}@media(m-width: 40.625rem) and (max-width: 90rem){{paddg-right:2.5rem;}}@media(m-width: 90rem){{paddg-right:0rem;}}</style><div class="css-1y41cbl e7dmux20"><style data-emotn="css 90yh27">{-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:0.75rem;letter-spacg:0.04rem;le-height:2rem;marg-left:0.3125rem;-webk-text-ratn:none;text-ratn:none;text-transform:upperse;}@media(m-width: 48rem){{marg-left:0.9375rem;}}</style><a rel="nofollow" href="/th/csrf?actn=log&return_url=/" class="css-90yh27 e1c1bym14"><style data-emotn="css 1o5u0ki">{whe-space:nowrap;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:0.75rem;le-height:2rem;letter-spacg:0.04rem;text-transform:upperse;}</style><span class="css-1o5u0ki e7dmux21">sign </span></a></div></div></nav><div class="oop-ad css-0 e1x3pu1"><div id="gpt-ad-oop-1" class="ad-ntaer css-0 e1x3pu0"></div></div><style data-emotn="css 17vkd49">{background-lor:bg-primary;posn:relative;}@media(max-width: 61.25rem){ .ewwgwfo0{overflow:hidn;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{marg-right:var(--sponsor-panel-width, to);}}</style><ma id="ma-ntent" class="css-17vkd49 e1q9j2sb0"><style data-emotn="css 179grqf">{background-lor:#E8E8E8;lor:#000;display:none;m-width:45.5rem;paddg:0.9375rem 0;text-align:center;width:100%;}@media prt{{display:none!important;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{m-height:121px;}}@media(m-width: 61.25rem){{display:block;}}</style><div id="gpt-learboard-ad" class="css-179grqf e1hka4w80"></div><style data-emotn="css 14c23">{borr-bottom:0.0625rem solid #E8E8E8;borr-top:0.0625rem solid #E8E8E8;font-fay:Inter,Helveti,Arial,Sans-serif;font-size:0.70284rem;le-height:1.3;marg:0rem;paddg:.9375rem .625rem;text-align:center;text-transform:none;width:lc(100% + (.938rem*2));}@media prt{{display:none;}}@media(m-width: 20rem){{width:100vw;}} a{lor:her;-webk-text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn-lor:her;text-ratn-thickns:0.0625rem;text-unrle-offset:0.25rem;} a:hover{lor:#595959;text-ratn-lor:borr-lk-body-hover;}</style><div class="css-14c23 eidw0493"><style data-emotn="css 1c5ip">{marg:0rem;paddg-left:1.875rem;paddg-right:1.875rem;}@media(m-width: 30rem){{paddg-left:2.5rem;paddg-right:2.5rem;}}</style><p class="css-1c5ip eidw0491"><span class="css-0 eidw0490">Every product was refully curated by an Esquire edor. We may earn a missn om the lks.</span></p></div><style data-emotn="css joveom">{width:100%;max-width:100vw;display:grid;marg-bottom:0.9375rem;posn:relative;z-x:to;}@media prt{{max-width:100%;}} .ejku7p03{top:0.75rem;right:0.75rem;bottom:to;}</style><hear class="css-joveom exadjwu12"><style data-emotn="css 1lr08az">{grid-lumn:1/-1;text-align:center;}</style><div class="css-1lr08az e12wtocy0"><style data-emotn="css mktybr">{marg:0 to;max-width:75rem;paddg:0 0.938rem;text-align:center;}@media(m-width: 64rem){[data-has-sponsor] {text-align:start;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{paddg:0 2.5rem;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{paddg:0.9375rem 1.875rem;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{paddg:0 1.875rem;}}</style><div class="css-mktybr exadjwu4"><nav aria-label="breadcmbs" class="css-0 e9l0kn03"><style data-emotn="css 4j90ja">{lor:#595959;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:0.70284rem;le-height:1.3;list-style:none;marg:0 to;max-width:75rem;paddg:1.25rem 1.25rem 0 1.6875rem;}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{paddg:1.25rem 2.5rem 0 3.3125rem;}}@media(m-width: 90rem){{paddg:1.25rem 0 0 0.8125rem;}}</style><ol emSpe emType=" class="css-4j90ja e9l0kn02"><style data-emotn="css zxq36b">{display:le;}{paddg:0.25rem;ntent:">";}</style><li emProp="emListElement" emSpe emType=" class="css-zxq36b e9l0kn01"><style data-emotn="css 100k4td">{-webk-text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn-thickns:0.0625rem;text-unrle-offset:0.25rem;-webk-transn:all 0.3s ease--out;transn:all 0.3s ease--out;}{lor:#000000;-webk-text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn-thickns:0.0625rem;text-unrle-offset:0.25rem;}</style><style data-emotn="css 10e6ywj">{-webk-text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn-thickns:0.0625rem;text-unrle-offset:0.25rem;-webk-transn:all 0.3s ease--out;transn:all 0.3s ease--out;}{lor:#000000;-webk-text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn-thickns:0.0625rem;text-unrle-offset:0.25rem;}</style><a emProp="em" href="/entertament/" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Breadcmbs" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="Entertament" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" class="e9l0kn00 css-10e6ywj e1c1bym14"><span emProp="name">Entertament</span></a><meta emProp="posn" ntent="1" /></li><li emProp="emListElement" emSpe emType=" class="css-zxq36b e9l0kn01"><a emProp="em" href="/entertament/books/" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Breadcmbs" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="Books" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" class="e9l0kn00 css-10e6ywj e1c1bym14"><span emProp="name">Books</span></a><meta emProp="posn" ntent="2" /></li><style data-emotn="css huh8md">{display:none;}{paddg:0.25rem;ntent:">";}</style><li emProp="emListElement" emSpe emType=" class="css-huh8md e9l0kn01"><a emProp="em" href="/entertament/books/a37710731/racial-fetishism-asian-men/" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Breadcmbs" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="What Did They Love Me For?" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" class="e9l0kn00 css-10e6ywj e1c1bym14"><span emProp="name">What Did They Love Me For?</span></a><meta emProp="posn" ntent="3" /></li></ol></nav><style data-emotn="css g4r5va">{font-fay:Glanz,Glanz-fallback,Tim,Serif;font-weight:normal;grid-lumn:1/-1;marg-bottom:0.9375rem;marg-top:0.9375rem;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:2rem;le-height:1.25;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:2.625rem;le-height:1.1;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:3.125rem;le-height:1.1;}}@media(m-width: 73.75rem){{font-size:3.37499rem;le-height:1.1;}}</style><h1 class="css-g4r5va exadjwu10"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p0"></span>What Did They Love Me For?<span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></h1><style data-emotn="css 2qf7xf">{lor:#515150;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;font-weight:normal;marg-bottom:0.625rem;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:1.0625rem;le-height:1.2;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:1.3125rem;le-height:1.2;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:1.3125rem;le-height:1.3;}} a{-webk-text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn-thickns:0.0625rem;text-ratn-lor:#FF3A30;text-unrle-offset:0.25rem;lor:#000000;-webk-transn:all 0.3s ease--out;transn:all 0.3s ease--out;} a:hover{lor:#595959;text-ratn-lor:borr-lk-body-hover;}</style><div class="css-2qf7xf exadjwu8"><p>Shortly after I me out, I unwtgly went to a party for gay Asian men and the whe men who fetishized . My life would never really be the same aga. </p></div><style data-emotn="css d04ng2">{lor:#161616;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;letter-spacg:0.02rem;marg-bottom:0.625rem;paddg-right:0.3125rem;text-transform:upperse;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:0.70003rem;le-height:1.4;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{font-size:0.70003rem;le-height:1.3;}} span{font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;letter-spacg:0rem;text-transform:palize;}@media(max-width: 48rem){ span{font-size:0.875rem;le-height:1.4;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){ span{font-size:0.875rem;le-height:1.4;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){ span{font-size:0.875rem;le-height:1.4;}}</style><div class="css-d04ng2 exadjwu7"><style data-emotn="css 1eqkg5m">{lor:#161616;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;font-style:normal;letter-spacg:0.02rem;paddg-right:0.3125rem;text-transform:upperse;-webk-text-stroke:0.005rem;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:0.70003rem;le-height:1.4;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{font-size:0.70003rem;le-height:1.3;}}</style><addrs class="css-1eqkg5m ehvvd9m2"><style data-emotn="css 19e0noj">{lor:#161616;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;letter-spacg:0.02rem;paddg-right:0.3125rem;text-transform:upperse;-webk-text-stroke:0.005rem;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:0.70003rem;le-height:1.4;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{font-size:0.70003rem;le-height:1.3;}}</style><span class="css-19e0noj ehvvd9m1"><style data-emotn="css 1sa04t">{borr-radi:50%;vertil-align:middle;marg-right:0.3125rem;object-f:ver;}</style><img src="" alt="Headshot of Jam Han Mattson" tle="Headshot of Jam Han Mattson" width="40" height="40" dg="async" fetchPrry="high" class=" css-1sa04t ehvvd9m0" />By <style data-emotn="css 7l5upj">{-webk-text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn-thickns:0.0625rem;text-ratn-lor:her;text-unrle-offset:0.25rem;lor:her;-webk-transn:all 0.3s ease--out;transn:all 0.3s ease--out;}{lor:#595959;text-ratn-lor:borr-lk-body-hover;}</style><a href="/thor/231272/jam-han-mattson/" class="css-7l5upj e1c1bym14">Jam Han Mattson</a></span><style data-emotn="css 1bcsdhu">{display:le-block;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;marg-left:0.625rem;text-transform:upperse;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:0.75rem;le-height:1.3;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:0.75rem;le-height:1.3;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:0.75rem;le-height:1.3;}}</style><time class="css-1bcsdhu exadjwu6">Published: Sep 27, 2021</time></addrs></div><style data-emotn="css wkpw2c">{display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-webk-flex-directn:lumn;-ms-flex-directn:lumn;flex-directn:lumn;-webk-box-pack:center;-ms-flex-pack:center;-webk-jtify-ntent:center;jtify-ntent:center;-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;}</style><div class="no-prt css-wkpw2c exadjwu15"><style data-emotn="css 1hpjtwr">{display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;posn:relative;marg-top:0.9375rem;}</style><div class="ntent-hear-actns css-1hpjtwr exadjwu14"><style data-emotn="css eg9z">{background-lor:#FF3A30;lor:#000000;borr:th solid #FF3A30;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-webk-flex-directn:row;-ms-flex-directn:row;flex-directn:row;-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;paddg:0.625rem 1.25rem;marg-top:0rem;marg-bottom:0rem;-webk-text-ratn:none;text-ratn:none;text-transform:upperse;-webk-transn:all 0.3s ease--out;transn:all 0.3s ease--out;-webk-box-pack:center;-ms-flex-pack:center;-webk-jtify-ntent:center;jtify-ntent:center;paddg-top:0.85rem;background:#FF3A30;borr-radi:2rem;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:0.875rem;le-height:1.3;letter-spacg:0.04rem;width:to;}{background-lor:#ffffff;lor:#000;cursor:poter;borr:th solid #FF3A30;} svg{fill:#000000;} svg>path{fill:#000000;}{marg-left:1rem;} svg{fill:#000000;} svg>path{fill:#000000;}</style><button data-tooltip-id="article-hear-save" class="ntentSaveButton css-eg9z e12nq69g1"><style data-emotn="css p7o3tf">{width:1rem;height:1rem;marg-right:0.625rem;} path{fill:#ffffff;} path{fill:#ffffff;}</style><svg xmlns=" fill="none" viewBox="0 0 48 62" class="css-p7o3tf e10k4xbi2"><path fill="#000" fill-le="evenodd" d="M24 46.52 48 61V0H0v61.44l24-14.92ZM5.67 50.9 24 39.5l18.33 11.4V5.7H5.67v45.2Z" clip-le="evenodd"></path></svg>Save Article</button><style data-emotn="css gulrqe">{width:160px;text-align:left;lor:#595959;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:0.70284rem;le-height:1.1;font-weight:normal;letter-spacg:0.045rem;text-transform:none;}</style></div></div></div></div></hear><style data-emotn="css k008qs">{display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;}</style><div class="css-k008qs ewisyje0"><style data-emotn="css 7ce51e">{marg-bottom:0.9375rem;posn:relative;}@media(max-width: 64rem){{max-width:lc(100vw - (1rem * 2));marg-left:1rem;marg-right:1rem;} .e152u5os0{width:100vw;marg-left:lc(-1 * 1rem);}}@media(m-width: 48rem) and (max-width: 61.25rem){{marg-left:to;marg-right:to;} .e152u5os0{width:100vw;marg-left:lc((100vw - (lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem) - 2 * 1rem)) / -2);}}@media(m-width: 61.25rem) and (max-width: 90rem){{max-width:lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem);marg-left:lc((100vw - lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem) - 1rem - 20.625rem) / 2);paddg-left:1rem;paddg-right:1rem;} .e152u5os0{width:100vw;marg-left:lc(lc((100vw - lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem) - 1rem - 20.625rem) / -2) - 1rem);}}@media(m-width: 90rem){{marg-left:lc((100vw - lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem)) / 2);max-width:lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem);paddg-left:1rem;paddg-right:1rem;} .e152u5os0{width:100vw;marg-left:lc(lc((100vw - lc(20.625rem * 2 + 1rem)) / -2) - lc(2 * 1rem));}[data-has-sponsor] {marg-left:lc((100vw - lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem)) / 4);marg-right:lc((100vw - lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem)) / 4);}}</style><div class="standard-ntaer ntent-ntaer article-ntaer css-7ce51e ewisyje3"><style data-emotn="css trzem2">{jtify-self:center;posn:relative;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{marg-left:-50vw;marg-right:-50vw;width:100vw;left:50%;right:50%;}}</style><div class="ntent-lead css-trzem2 ewisyje6"><style data-emotn="css sm2oir">{height:to;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{marg:to lc(50% - 50vw);}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{marg:to;}}</style><div class="ntent-lead-image css-sm2oir e5f9kgu2"><style data-emotn="css eag3eq">{posn:relative;height:to;}</style><div class="css-eag3eq e5f9kgu1"><style data-emotn="css 335qep">{posn:relative;width:100%;height:100%;object-f:ver;vertil-align:top;}</style><img fetchPrry="high" alt="jam han mattson" tle="jam han mattson" width="2000" height="1000" dg="async" data-nimg="1" style="lor: transparent; width: 100%; height: to;" siz="100vw" srcSet=" 640w, 980w, 1120w, 1200w, 1920w" src="" class="css-335qep exi4f7p0" /></div><style data-emotn="css 285vyd">{le-height:1;}@media(max-width: 73.75rem){{paddg-left:0.9375rem;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{paddg-left:0;}}</style><figptn class="css-285vyd enfs9c50"><style data-emotn="css 1mcfn5x">{lor:#595959;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;paddg-right:0.3125rem;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:0.70028rem;le-height:1.2;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:0.70028rem;le-height:1.2;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:0.75rem;le-height:1.3;}}</style><span class="css-1mcfn5x e6iqd2">Elae Chung</span></figptn></div></div><style data-emotn="css z6i669">{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:1.1875rem;le-height:1.6;paddg-left:0rem;paddg-right:0rem;posn:relative;}@media(m-width: 48rem){{paddg-left:3.5rem;paddg-right:3.5rem;}}@media(m-width: 48rem) and (max-width: 61.25rem){{max-width:45.25rem;marg-left:to;marg-right:to;}}@media(m-width: 61.25rem){{paddg-left:0rem;paddg-right:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 73.75rem) and (max-width: 100rem){{paddg-left:0rem;paddg-right:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 90rem){{paddg-left:0rem;paddg-right:0rem;}} em{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-style:alic;} strong{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-weight:bold;}{clear:both;ntent:" ";display:block;font-size:0.7rem;le-height:1.5rem;height:0rem;visibily:hidn;}</style><div class="article-body-ntent article-body standard-body-ntent css-z6i669 ewisyje7"><style data-emotn="css 1nhwtgm">{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:1.1875rem;le-height:1.6;}{float:left;text-transform:upperse;font-weight:bold;marg-right:0.9375rem;marg-bottom:-0.625rem;marg-top:0;}{font-fay:Glanz,Glanz-fallback,Tim,Serif;font-size:6.25rem;font-weight:normal;le-height:0.75;marg-right:0;paddg:0.6rem 0.75rem 0 0;}@-moz-document url-prefix(){{marg-top:0.625rem;}}@media(max-width: 48rem){{marg-right:0.3125rem;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{le-height:0.75;}} em{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-style:alic;} strong{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-weight:bold;}</style><p data-no-id="0" class="body-dropp css-1nhwtgm et3p2gv0">When I was a hman llege, a iend of me took me to a hoe party near downtown Mneapolis. I didn’t thk much of at the time—beg neteen, I seized any opportuny to drk un-rd—but after we arrived, I fot about the booze. The group was entirely male: about 90% Asian, most their twenti, the rt whe and signifintly olr. The were hawkish yet clumsy men who lumbered om Asian guy to Asian guy, leerg, while the Asian men giggled, or flirted, or acted strangely grateful. Some of the Asian men danced. Some stood at the perimeter, asssg. All of them, seemed, were vyg for the attentn of the olr whe men. </p><style data-emotn="css 18vfmjb">{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:1.1875rem;le-height:1.6;} em{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-style:alic;} strong{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-weight:bold;}</style><p data-no-id="1" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0"> I got a beer, avoid eye ntact, and when I returned to my iend, a fellow gay Asian guy, I leaned and said, “What <em>is </em>this?”</p><div supprsHydratnWarng data-no-id="2" data-embed="edorial-lk" class="embed css-0 e9hzx6g0"><style data-emotn="css 1643r8a">{borr:none;marg-top:1.875rem;marg-bottom:1.875rem;paddg:0rem;}</style><asi class="css-1643r8a e6pr2lz5"><style data-emotn="css l3w2xc">{display:le-block;font-weight:normal;marg:0rem;borr-top:0.25rem solid #15263D;paddg-right:1.1rem;paddg-top:0.4375rem;text-transform:lowerse;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:0.875rem;le-height:1.3;}</style><h6 class="css-l3w2xc e6pr2lz3"><style data-emotn="css 156fvc1">{borr-bottom:0.4375rem solid #FF3A30;borr-right:0.4375rem solid transparent;ntent:'';display:le-block;height:0;marg-right:0.5rem;width:0;}</style><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-156fvc1 eagam8p0"></span><style data-emotn="css 8lle59">{max-width:lc(100% - 120px - .625rem);}</style><span class="css-8lle59 e6pr2lz1">Related Stori</span><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></h6><style data-emotn="css c4s2gi">{paddg:0rem;marg:0rem;list-style:none;}</style><ul class="css-c4s2gi e6pr2lz4"><style data-emotn="css 79zw4t">{font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:1rem;le-height:2rem;paddg-top:0.625rem;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:0.9375rem;le-height:1.3;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{le-height:1.4;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{le-height:1.4;}} a{-webk-text-ratn:none;text-ratn:none;lor:her;-webk-transn:all 0.3s ease--out;transn:all 0.3s ease--out;} a:hover{lor:#595959;}</style><li class="css-79zw4t e6pr2lz2"><style data-emotn="css 1bn7a5e">{-webk-text-ratn:none;text-ratn:none;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-webk-box-flex-wrap:wrap;-webk-flex-wrap:wrap;-ms-flex-wrap:wrap;flex-wrap:wrap;-webk-flex-directn:row;-ms-flex-directn:row;flex-directn:row;-webk-box-pack:start;-ms-flex-pack:start;-webk-jtify-ntent:flex-start;jtify-ntent:flex-start;-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;}</style><a href="/liftyle/a36881723/gay-asian-amerin-men-inty-qutn/" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="The Gay Asian-Amerin Male Experience" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Edorial Lks" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" class="css-1bn7a5e e1c1bym14"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p0"></span><style data-emotn="css 1l0u1">{marg-right:0.625rem;height:to;}</style><img src="" alt="gay asian amerin men" tle="The Gay Asian-Amerin Male Experience" width="120" height="100%" dg="async" loadg="lazy" image-align="left" class="css-1l0u1 e6pr2lz0" /><span class="css-8lle59 e6pr2lz1">The Gay Asian-Amerin Male Experience</span><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></a></li><li class="css-79zw4t e6pr2lz2"><a href="/news-polics/a36557765/asian-amerin-iny-language-assimialtn-reclamatn/" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="Language Don't Defe Me as an Asian Amerin" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Edorial Lks" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" class="css-1bn7a5e e1c1bym14"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p0"></span><img src="" alt="asian amerin language" tle="Language Don't Defe Me as an Asian Amerin" width="120" height="100%" dg="async" loadg="lazy" image-align="left" class="css-1l0u1 e6pr2lz0" /><span class="css-8lle59 e6pr2lz1">Language Don't Defe Me as an Asian Amerin</span><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></a></li><li class="css-79zw4t e6pr2lz2"><a href="/entertament/books/a36448936/amy-tan-pbs-documentary-terview-untend-memoir/" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="Amy Tan Is Wrg Through the Qutns" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Edorial Lks" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" class="css-1bn7a5e e1c1bym14"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p0"></span><img src="" alt="amy tan" tle="Amy Tan Is Wrg Through the Qutns" width="120" height="100%" dg="async" loadg="lazy" image-align="left" class="css-1l0u1 e6pr2lz0" /><span class="css-8lle59 e6pr2lz1">Amy Tan Is Wrg Through the Qutns</span><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></a></li></ul></asi></div><p data-no-id="3" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0"> “It’s an Asian group,” he said. “For Asians and their admirers.”</p><p data-no-id="4" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0"> “And all the admirers are old whe guys?”</p><p data-no-id="5" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0"> He shgged, drank. “I gus,” he said. </p><p data-no-id="6" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0"> I felt, for a moment, unmoored. Though I’d told him I didn’t re where we went, jt that I wanted to drk, I hadn’t expected to be thst to such a d environment, one wh a clear race and age divi. As we mgled, I felt sctized, an obv newbie, so I stayed close to my iend. </p><p data-no-id="7" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">“Relax,” he said. “You’re actg weird.”</p><p data-no-id="8" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">I breathed ep, took ep swigs of my beer. </p><p data-no-id="9" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">He troduced me to a group of guys, all Asian, and I sed, chatted, gave perfunctory answers to perfunctory qutns. When my iend exced himself to go to the bathroom, I tried to jo the nversatn—y, Madonna <em>was </em>amazg, and no, I <em>hadn’t </em>heard the new sgle—but beme very clear very quickly that I still languished the land of perfunctory rpons. The group, disapprovg, turned abptly exclive, and I found myself alone, feelg dreadfully nspicuo.</p><p data-no-id="10" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0"> Then, a savr.</p><p data-no-id="11" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">A man me up to me. A whe man thrice my age. He said, “Let me gus, Che.”</p><p data-no-id="12" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0"> My stomach dropped.</p><p data-no-id="13" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0"> “Well you’re not Vietname or Indonian or Thai—you’re too big. Japane? No. Too thick. Not Korean eher bee your face isn’t…hmm. Mongolian?”</p><div supprsHydratnWarng data-no-id="14" data-embed="pullquote" class="embed css-0 e9hzx6g0"><style data-emotn="css 1eiql25">{text-align:center;marg:0rem;paddg-top:0.9375rem;paddg-bottom:0.9375rem;}</style><blockquote class="css-1eiql25 e1pe3zr91"><style data-emotn="css ow0dpz">{borr:0.3125rem solid #FF3A30;borr-radi:100%;ntent:'';display:block;height:2.1875rem;left:50%;marg:-0.99rem to 0 -1.33rem;posn:absolute;width:2.1875rem;}</style><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-ow0dpz eagam8p0"></span><style data-emotn="css la9czl">{font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:1.625rem;le-height:1.2;marg:0rem;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:1.75rem;le-height:1.2;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:2.375rem;le-height:1.2;}} b, strong{font-fay:her;font-weight:bold;} em, i{font-fay:her;font-style:alic;}{ntent:'＂';display:block;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:3.4375rem;le-height:0.72;font-style:alic;paddg:0.3125rem 0.875rem 0 0;}</style><blockquote class="css-la9czl e1pe3zr90">External expectatn mand that I not only know but love the exoticism attached to my exterr.</blockquote><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></blockquote></div><p data-no-id="15" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0"> I looked toward the bathroom, willg my iend to e back.</p><p data-no-id="16" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0"> “I’m right, aren’t I,” the man said.</p><p data-no-id="17" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0"> “I’m Korean,” I said.</p><p data-no-id="18" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0"> “You’re <em>not</em>,” he said. “Oh my god. But yeah, I see now. God, I <em>love </em>Koreans. The food, the culture. Amazg.”</p><p data-no-id="19" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0"> I flhed. The nversatns embarrassed me. I was a Korean adoptee, raised North Dakota by whe parents; I had yet to unrstand what beg Korean actually meant. External expectatn, however, mand that I not only know but love the exoticism attached to my exterr, so while I’d experienced plenty of the nversatns before, they still felt shockgly h every time they occurred. What <em>are </em>you? the people implored. Oh you’re <em>that</em>? I <em>love </em>that! Let me tell you how much I know about you. Let me <em>pliment </em>you bee you’re <em>that. </em>Feel wele bee I unrstand you! Feel imprsed by my knowledge! Feel honored that I’ve studied you! Your kd is <em>amazg!</em></p><style data-emotn="css 18pb4rg">{borr:0;borr-bottom:th solid black;marg:1.875rem 0;clear:both;}</style><hr data-no-id="20" class="css-18pb4rg et3p2gv0" /><p data-no-id="21" class="body-dropp css-1nhwtgm et3p2gv0"> In high school, I remember watchg a <em>Sefeld</em> episo tled "The Che Woman." In , Jerry, after gettg off the phone wh a woman named Donna Chang (who, ’s revealed, is actually a blond woman om Long Island named Donna Changste), adms to likg Che women. Elae lls him out, tells him that what he’s said is a b racist. He rponds by sayg, “If I like their race, how n that be racist?”</p><p data-no-id="22" class="css-18vfmjb et3p2gv0">Back then, I agreed wh this sentiment. Racism was about hate, I thought, not love, so if Jerry profsed a sire for this particular race, how <em>uld </em> be racist? If your feelgs were posive, how <em>uld </em>they be offensive? People had preferenc. Some liked blonds, some bt, some tall, some short—so what was the difference if someone preferred Che people?</p><style data-emotn="css 8c6v">{posn:absolute;left:-10000px;top:to;width:1px;height:1px;overflow:hidn;}</style><div data-ad-exclu class="css-8c6v ehha8ut0">This ntent is imported om youTube. You may be able to fd the same ntent another format, or you may be able to fd more rmatn, at their web se.</div><style data-emotn="css 9angbx">{marg-bottom:0.9375rem;m-height:299px;}@media(max-width: 30rem){{m-height:163px;}}@media(m-width: 30rem){{m-height:252px;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{m-height:347px;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{m-height:299px;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{m-height:344px;}}</style><div data-embed="youtube" data-no-id="23" class="embed align-center css-9angbx exa3d2e3"><style data-emotn="css 79elbk">{posn:relative;}</style><div class="css-79elbk exa3d2e2"><style data-emotn="css b0nlql">{background:lear-gradient(rgba(0,0,0,.8) , rgba(0,0,0,0) 95%);background-repeat:no-repeat;-webk-background-size:100% 60px;background-size:100% 60px;posn:absolute;top:0rem;left:0rem;right:0rem;bottom:0rem;z-x:2;height:60px;poter-events:her;}</style><div class="css-b0nlql exa3d2e1"></div><style data-emotn="css 8vvrvc">{lor:#fff;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;font-fay:"YouTube Noto",Roboto,Arial,Helveti,sans-serif;font-size:18px;height:60px;-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;posn:absolute;paddg-left:1rem;left:0rem;right:0rem;top:0rem;text-shadow:0 0 2px rgba(0,0,0,0.5);z-x:4;}</style><div class="css-8vvrvc exa3d2e0"></div><style data-emotn="css 52d8dn">{background:rgba(23,23,23,0.8);borr-bottom-right-radi:2px;borr-top-right-radi:2px;bottom:5px;lor:#fff;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;font-weight:500;font-size:16px;le-height:16px;font-fay:"YouTube Noto",Roboto,Arial,Helveti,sans-serif;height:47px;paddg:16px 12px;posn:absolute;-webk-text-ratn:none;text-ratn:none;z-x:2;}</style><style data-emotn="css 1exe7l8">{background:rgba(23,23,23,0.8);borr-bottom-right-radi:2px;borr-top-right-radi:2px;bottom:5px;lor:#fff;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;font-weight:500;font-size:16px;le-height:16px;font-fay:"YouTube Noto",Roboto,Arial,Helveti,sans-serif;height:47px;paddg:16px 12px;posn:absolute;-webk-text-ratn:none;text-ratn:none;z-x:2;}</style><a target="_blank" rel="noopener" aria-label="Watch on YouTube" href=" class="exa3d2e5 css-1exe7l8 e1c1bym14"><span>Watch on</span><style data-emotn="css 1b1cg">{display:block;fill:#fff;height:16px;marg-left:9px;width:72px;}</style><svg viewBox="0 0 508 114" xmlns=" class="css-1b1cg exa3d2e4"><tle>Watch on YouTube In
.