Gays Sred of Sex | HealthyPlace

Contents:

• HOCD – HOMOSEXUAL OCD OR THE FEAR OF BEG GAY
• I'M AAID THAT I'M GAY
• HOW DO I KNOW I’M NOT REALLY GAY/STRAIGHT?
• GAYS SRED OF SEX
• 'HOMOSEXUAL OCD': STRAIGHT MEN WHO SPECT THEY ARE GAY

HOCD – HOMOSEXUAL OCD OR THE FEAR OF BEG GAY

Internalized homophobia -- self-shamg, self-hatred -- leads many gay men, and many queer people general, to recreate their closets long after they're "out" by shunng others, particularly those they nsir "flamboyant.

I'M AAID THAT I'M GAY

This parable piece by lbian wrer Sarah Prager go through the lp of great gays who changed the world -- om ventor Alan Turg to Tchaikovsky, the poser, to the Renaissance pater and ventor Leonardo da Vci. Fd a gay elr who's been where you are and r for your well-beg, someone who unrstands you and never pass judgment, someone who lets you make the mistak you need to make. There would be no ternalized self-hatred if no one had ever told you that beg gay is wrong, or that gay sex is disgtg, or that gay men n't feel real love, or that beg transgenr is fake, or that beg nonbary is a mental illns or a ll for attentn.

HOW DO I KNOW I’M NOT REALLY GAY/STRAIGHT?

If you thk a word like "gay" or "queer" works for you right now (aga, don't have to work for you forever -- labels do not e wh lifetime ntracts) and you're not ready to tell everyone, simply say out loud to yourself.

“HOCD”, short for “Homosexual OCD”, is the term ed for a theme of Obssive Compulsive Disorr which the sufferer has obssns—unwanted tsive thoughts—surroundg their sexual orientatn. I will be g the term “HOCD” throughout this article to discs obssns of those who intify as heterosexual and have relentls doubts about whether or not they are gay. A more reprentative way to scribe the obssns is “Sexual Orientatn OCD” bee OCD n latch onto anyone’s sexualy, whether that be someone who intifi as gay or queer or asexual.

Furthermore, as sexual obssns of OCD n be about perverse ntent (fear that one is a pedophile or unwanted thoughts about ct), the term “Homosexual OCD” impli that homosexualy is perverse.

GAYS SRED OF SEX

The way many clients scribe is that they had a good sense of their heterosexual orientatn and then randomly had an tsive thought such as “what if you’re gay? HOCD is not to be misnsted wh nial or sexual reprsn, as those who are reprsg their te sexualy know that they are attracted to the same sex but ph away, often due to shame that om livg a heteronormative and homophobic world.

The realy is that we live a very heteronormative world, which is reflected through mastream media showsg heterosexual relatnships, lack of diversy polics, relig groups that nounce homosexualy and claim—wh zero evince—that gay folks will go to hell, and laws that enable discrimatn agast the LGBTQIA+ muny. As wh tradnal OCD, people who are affected by this ternalized homophobia engage ruals to help them alleviate their anxiety and prove to themselv that they are tly straight. They might also perform washg ruals if they are around a gay person, may act overtly to assure themselv of their sexual orientatn, or may even blatantly act out agast gay people orr to prove they are straight.

Addnally, HOCD sufferers might avoid physil ntact or beg alone wh gay people and may even rry this behavr to shunng same-sex public rtrooms or not eatg public se the food was prepared by a gay person. If HOCD has left you stgglg wh relentls qutns about your sexual inty, HOCD: Everythg You Didn’t Know – A Primer for Unrstandg & Overg Homosexual Obssive Compulsive Disorr, a book by Dr. However, the ntued existence of homophobia—spe the obv downsis—rais qutns about s basic nature: Do psychologil theori like those above really expla why gayns, specifilly, evok such fear, the kd that n sometim even lead to vlent speech and actn?

'HOMOSEXUAL OCD': STRAIGHT MEN WHO SPECT THEY ARE GAY

The only way to answer the qutns is to stop thkg of homophobia as a personal choice and unrstand as the evable and liberate rult of the culture which Amerin men are raised. Put another way, the zero-tolerance le means that if a man mak one “wrong” move—kiss another man a moment of dnken fun, say—he is immediately assumed to be gay. We don’t hear about gay men disverg an tert women later life, and we rarely believe men when they say they are bisexual—the mon, if erroneo, wisdom is that any man who says he is bi is really jt gay and hasn’t admted yet.

Even if relign and Esquire didn’t teach men to be sred of each other’s bodi, they would still be aaid of the way a bsh wh gayns n so sudnly erase the rt of their sexualy.

The gam aren’t jt ground disgt wh homosex; they are playg out exactly what society has tght men about heterosexualy: One wrong move, and you’ll be permanently marked.