Meet The Straight Men Who Are Terrified They Are Gay</tle><meta name="tle" ntent="Meet The Straight Men Who Are Terrified They Are Gay" /><meta name="scriptn" ntent="Is 'Homosexual OCD' - the fear of beg gay, spe beg straight - jt ternalised homophobia, or a ser psychologil disorr?" /><meta name="keywords" ntent="Health & Nutrn/Wellns,Polics,Sex" /><meta property="og:type" ntent="webse" /><meta name="theme-lor" ntent="#000000" /><lk href="/_assets/sign-tokens/quire/static/imag/" rel="in" /><meta property="og:se_name" ntent="Esquire" /><meta name="fb:app_id" ntent="1643411472613830" property="fb:app_id" /><meta name="article:publisher" ntent=" property="article:publisher" /><meta name="twter:se" ntent="@EsquireUK" /><meta name="google-se-verifitn" ntent="1vf5i9wM7chlCFc_0XI_e-oCfDf4sEvp32sTGKokQ" /><meta property="og:tle" ntent="Meet The Straight Men Who Are Terrified They Are Gay" /><meta property="og:scriptn" ntent="Is 'Homosexual OCD' - the fear of beg gay, spe beg straight - jt ternalised homophobia, or a ser psychologil disorr?" /><meta name="robots" ntent="max-image-preview:large,max-snippet:-1,max-vio-preview:30" /><lk rel="apple-touch-in" href="/_assets/sign-tokens/quire/static/imag/" /><meta property="og:image" ntent="" /><meta property="og:image:width" ntent="1200" /><meta property="og:image:height" ntent="600" /><meta name="thumbnail" ntent="" /><meta name="" ntent="" /><meta name="" ntent=" /><meta name="twter:image" ntent="" /><meta ntent=" property="og:url" /><meta name="to-publish" ntent="never" /><meta property="og:type" ntent="article" /><meta name="twter:rd" ntent="summary_large_image" /><meta name="article:opn" property="article:opn" /><meta ntent="Sex & Relatnships" property="article:sectn" /><meta ntent="2021-07-28T18:29:22Z" property="article:modified_time" /><meta ntent="2020-02-28T16:29:00Z" property="article:published_time" /><meta name="sailth.excerpt" ntent="Hunched nu the glow of his iMac, 17-year-old Darren* typed the words 'gay porn' to Google for the first time."I didn't fancy men," he tells me. 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href="//life/sex-relatnships/a14379/homosexual-ocd/" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Breadcmbs" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="Meet The Straight Men Who Are Terrified They Are Gay" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" class="e9l0kn00 css-10asp0m e1c1bym14"><span emProp="name">Meet The Straight Men Who Are Terrified They Are Gay</span></a><meta emProp="posn" ntent="3" /></li></ol></nav><style data-emotn="css g4r5va">{font-fay:Glanz,Glanz-fallback,Tim,Serif;font-weight:normal;grid-lumn:1/-1;marg-bottom:0.9375rem;marg-top:0.9375rem;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:2rem;le-height:1.25;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:2.625rem;le-height:1.1;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:3.125rem;le-height:1.1;}}@media(m-width: 73.75rem){{font-size:3.37499rem;le-height:1.1;}}</style><h1 class="css-g4r5va exadjwu10"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p0"></span>Meet The Straight Men Who Are Terrified They Are Gay<span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></h1><style data-emotn="css 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48rem){{font-size:0.70003rem;le-height:1.4;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{font-size:0.70003rem;le-height:1.3;}}</style><span class="css-19e0noj ehvvd9m1"><style data-emotn="css 1sa04t">{borr-radi:50%;vertil-align:middle;marg-right:0.3125rem;object-f:ver;}</style><img src="" alt="Headshot of Nick Pope" tle="Headshot of Nick Pope" width="40" height="40" dg="async" fetchPrry="high" class=" css-1sa04t ehvvd9m0" />By <style data-emotn="css 7l5upj">{-webk-text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn-thickns:0.0625rem;text-ratn-lor:her;text-unrle-offset:0.25rem;lor:her;-webk-transn:all 0.3s ease--out;transn:all 0.3s ease--out;}{lor:#595959;text-ratn-lor:borr-lk-body-hover;}</style><a href="//thor/16323/nick-pope/" class="css-7l5upj e1c1bym14">Nick Pope</a></span></addrs></div></div></div></hear><style data-emotn="css 149neno">{marg-left:to;marg-right:to;marg-bottom:0.9375rem;max-width:m(lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem), lc(100vw - 1rem * 2));} .e152u5os0{marg-left:lc((100vw - m(lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem), 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strong{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-weight:bold;}{clear:both;ntent:" ";display:block;font-size:0.7rem;le-height:1.5rem;height:0rem;visibily:hidn;}</style><div class="article-body-ntent article-body longform-body css-woto36 ewisyje7"><style data-emotn="css am5pt0">{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:1.1875rem;le-height:1.6;}{float:left;text-transform:upperse;font-weight:bold;marg-right:0.9375rem;marg-bottom:-0.625rem;marg-top:0;}{font-fay:Glanz,Glanz-fallback,Tim,Serif;font-size:6.25rem;font-weight:normal;le-height:0.75;marg-right:0;paddg:0.6rem 0.75rem 0 0;}@-moz-document url-prefix(){{marg-top:0.625rem;}}@media(max-width: 48rem){{marg-right:0.3125rem;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{le-height:0.75;}} strong{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-weight:bold;} em{font-style:alic;font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;}</style><p data-no-id="0" class="body-dropp css-am5pt0 et3p2gv0">Hunched nu the glow of his iMac, 17-year-old Darren* typed the words 'gay porn' to Google for the first time.</p><style data-emotn="css aeyldl">{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:1.1875rem;le-height:1.6;} strong{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-weight:bold;} em{font-style:alic;font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;}</style><p data-no-id="1" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">"I didn't fancy men," he tells me. "I had a girliend, and only ever had sexual feelgs for women, but I jt uldn't shake the ia that I was somehow lyg to myself."</p><p data-no-id="2" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">He plugged his headphon, clicked on an X-rated vio and took a ep breath. It was around 3am, the summer of 2007, and relentls fears of homosexualy had tormented him sce the start of the year. "I jt woke up one day and I was sudnly obssed wh . It felt like everythg I thought I knew about myself was fallg apart. It didn't make any sense."</p><p data-no-id="3" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">He watched, expectg somethg signifint to stir upstairs or down. But there was nothg. Feelg equal measure victory and feat, Darren swched off the monor, laid flat on his bed and wrtled wh his doubts for a few more hours before fally surrenrg to sleep. He rried out the same tt almost every night for the next three weeks, always wh the same rult.</p><p data-no-id="4" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">After searchg Inter mental health foms for answers to his private impasse, Darren beme nvced that he was sufferg om 'HOCD': a not officially regnised form of Obssive Compulsive Disorr fed by the fear of beg or beg homosexual. </p><p data-no-id="5" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">A has passed sce Darren's self-diagnosis and subsequent therapy, but 'HOCD' still remas a divisive subject wh some sectns of the psychologil healthre muny. Now 26, he is keen to raise awarens for what he believ to be a misunrstood and potentially life-g anxiety disorr.</p><p data-no-id="6" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0"> "I was fobbed off by therapists who jt thought that I mt be gay. I don't want that happeng to anybody else."</p><div supprsHydratnWarng data-no-id="7" data-embed="pullquote" class="embed css-0 e9hzx6g0"><style data-emotn="css 1eiql25">{text-align:center;marg:0rem;paddg-top:0.9375rem;paddg-bottom:0.9375rem;}</style><blockquote class="css-1eiql25 e1pe3zr91"><style data-emotn="css ow0dpz">{borr:0.3125rem solid #FF3A30;borr-radi:100%;ntent:'';display:block;height:2.1875rem;left:50%;marg:-0.99rem to 0 -1.33rem;posn:absolute;width:2.1875rem;}</style><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-ow0dpz eagam8p0"></span><style data-emotn="css la9czl">{font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:1.625rem;le-height:1.2;marg:0rem;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:1.75rem;le-height:1.2;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:2.375rem;le-height:1.2;}} b, strong{font-fay:her;font-weight:bold;} em, i{font-fay:her;font-style:alic;}{ntent:'＂';display:block;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:3.4375rem;le-height:0.72;font-style:alic;paddg:0.3125rem 0.875rem 0 0;}</style><blockquote class="css-la9czl e1pe3zr90">"Oh my God, I've jt noticed a guy and thought he was good lookg. Do that mean…"</blockquote><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></blockquote></div><p data-no-id="8" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0"><strong data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor">Avy Joseph is an accreded</strong> Cognive Behavural Therapist and lecturer wh 25 years experience treatg anxiety disorrs. While he asserts that 'HOCD', an acronym ed by sufferers sharg their stori onle, isn't officially classified the Diagnostic and Statistil Manual of Mental Disorrs (DSM), he says that the irratnal fear of beg or beg gay falls firmly wh the umbrella of Obssive Compulsive Disorr.</p><p data-no-id="9" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">"Someone will tell me that they were walkg down the street and saw a guy, and thought: 'Oh, he's really good lookg.' But then they thk: 'oh my God, I've jt noticed a guy and thought he was good lookg. Do that mean…'" </p><p data-no-id="10" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Acrdg to Joseph, 's at such nocuo begngs that a self-perpetuatg and all-nsumg obssn wh sexual inty n beg. "The more you sist that you mtn't have a particular thought, gus what happens? You're gog to have hundreds of them," he tells me. "That anxiety, and then you start to thk more unrealistilly. The abily to thk a probabilistic way go out the wdow. Then you ask yourself: 'How n I be absolutely sure that the thoughts won't e back?' And then of urse you start mandg certaty…"</p><p data-no-id="11" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">A monly held misnceptn about OCD is that sufferers are all fixated wh ntamatn and uniformy. The tth is, for many, OCD has nothg to do wh overworked light swch or pulsive hand scbbg, and all to do wh tsive, relentls, and often distrsg thoughts that swarm around their heads on a daily basis.</p><p data-no-id="12" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Ltle rearch has been published on the rat of sexual obssn OCD sufferers, but a <style data-emotn="css umdwtv">{-webk-text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn-thickns:.0625rem;text-ratn-lor:#FF3A30;text-unrle-offset:0.25rem;lor:her;-webk-transn:background 0.4s;transn:background 0.4s;background:lear-gradient(#ffffff, #ffffff 50%, #d5dbe3 50%, #d5dbe3);-webk-background-size:100% 200%;background-size:100% 200%;}{lor:#000000;text-ratn-lor:borr-lk-body-hover;-webk-background-posn:100% 100%;background-posn:100% 100%;}</style><a data-trackg-id="recirc-text-lk" href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="recent study g a sample of 293 subjects" class="body-lk css-umdwtv et3p2gv0">recent study g a sample of 293 subjects</a> found that 25% experienced tsive sexual thoughts. And while analysis is srce, a Google search reveals a seemgly endls scroll of people sharg their 'HOCD' experienc on foms, and YouTube vios on the topic often wrack up tens of thoands of views.</p><p data-no-id="13" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Aaron Harvey, founr of non-prof OCD awarens project <a data-trackg-id="recirc-text-lk" href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="" class="body-lk css-umdwtv et3p2gv0"></a>, is a former sufferer who found aterny on the ter. "[There was] solace the stori of teens on YouTube, and hope om olr generatns sharg experienc and treatment remendatns. If were not for this muny, I may not have ma ," he tells me.</p><p data-no-id="14" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">From the age of 11, Aaron was plagued by sexually tsive thoughts, culmatg suici iatns at the age of 21. For him, was a full-time afflictn. "Sufferers will spend hours per day 'checkg' or 'ttg' themselv to try to get to the 'tth' about their sexual inty. I would nstantly check levels of aroal. Objectively asss my stctive attractn towards femal and my lack of tert the male form. I even had obssns that I was actually love wh my former partner's brother." </p><p data-no-id="15" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Acrdg to Aaron, four out of five people get tsive thoughts, but one fifty fd them much harr to dismiss, quickly velopg to an all-nsumg obssn.</p><div supprsHydratnWarng data-no-id="16" data-embed="pullquote" class="embed css-0 e9hzx6g0"><blockquote class="css-1eiql25 e1pe3zr91"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-ow0dpz eagam8p0"></span><blockquote class="css-la9czl e1pe3zr90">"Sufferers will spend hours per day 'checkg' or 'ttg' themselv to try to get to the 'tth' about their sexual inty."</blockquote><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></blockquote></div><p data-no-id="17" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">He says the tsive thoughts n often lead sufferers to make drastic life cisns. "They may go as far as to plan g out to fay and iends, all the while not believg they are gay. In relatnships they may whdraw om their partners emotnally and physilly, bee when you fear that you don't know who you are, you bee paranoid you may be sellg a lie to the person you love the most."</p><p data-no-id="18" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">But what someone to fear the prospect of beg gay the first place? Darren says he grew up a "liberal-ish" hoehold and believ that homosexualy would have been accepted by his fay and iends, but 's easy to see how a ls tolerant upbrgg uld turn homosexualy to a e for anxiety. Aaron, for example, grew up a relig home Orlando, Florida, and attend a private Christian school: "Tryg to n om [what he'd been told were] vlent, blasphemo and v thoughts was extremely paful. I had no sense of inty. I had no ia who I was."</p><p data-no-id="19" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Rose Bretécher, btsellg thor of OCD memoir <em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor"><a data-trackg-id="recirc-text-lk" href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="Pure O" class="body-lk css-umdwtv et3p2gv0">Pure O</a></em>, also experienced tsive doubts about homosexualy, nstantly fearg that her life as a straight woman was a lie. "OCD is sometim lled the 'doubtg disease', bee sufferers stggle wh this kd of uncertaty," she says. "The more I soul-searched, the worse the doubts and acpanyg sexual mental imag got. My sense of self was slippg away, g chaos, anxiety and prsn." She had no way of distguishg whether the thoughts she was experiencg were merely tsive or te reflectns of her sexualy.</p><div supprsHydratnWarng data-no-id="20" class="embed css-0 e9hzx6g0"><style data-emotn="css 10klw3m">{height:100%;}</style><div data-embed="youtube" class="embed align-center css-10klw3m ez8lbhw1"><style data-emotn="css 63r9na">{-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-webk-box-pack:center;-ms-flex-pack:center;-webk-jtify-ntent:center;jtify-ntent:center;m-height:10rem;background-lor:#F5F5F5;lor:#000;-webk-flex-directn:lumn;-ms-flex-directn:lumn;flex-directn:lumn;height:100%;marg-bottom:0.9375rem;}</style><div class="css-63r9na ez8lbhw0"><style data-emotn="css 1msakm2">{width:3.125rem;height:3.125rem;}</style><img data-dynamic-svg src="/_assets/sign-tokens/e/static/ins/social/;id=lk-out-embed" loadg="lazy" alt="youtube in" height="to" width="to" class="css-1msakm2 ez8lbhw2" /><a target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener" href=" aria-label="View full post on Youtube" class="css-0 e1c1bym14">View full post on Youtube</a></div></div></div><p data-no-id="21" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Nowadays, the majory of tablished OCD chari – cludg OCDUK, OCDActn and Md - addrs tsive sexual thoughts as a mon trope of the disorr, but that has done ltle to stem a backlash om some high-profile skeptics wh the psychologil muny, who believe that HOCD is at bt misguid, and at worst homophobia s most pernic guise.</p><div supprsHydratnWarng data-no-id="22" data-embed="pullquote" class="embed css-0 e9hzx6g0"><blockquote class="css-1eiql25 e1pe3zr91"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-ow0dpz eagam8p0"></span><blockquote class="css-la9czl e1pe3zr90">"My psychologist jt looked bored and hand me a leaflet"</blockquote><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></blockquote></div><p data-no-id="23" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0"><strong data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor">In November 2015, </strong><em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor">BuzzFeed</em> UK's LGBT edor Patrick Stdwick published an article tled '<a data-trackg-id="recirc-text-lk" href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn=""World's Leadg Anxiety Expert" Offers Treatment For People Who Worry That They're Gay" class="body-lk css-umdwtv et3p2gv0">"World's Leadg Anxiety Expert" Offers Treatment For People Who Worry That They're Gay</a>' that heavily cricised the practice of a Harley Street therapist named Charl Ln who, acrdg to the se, boasted of a "100% succs rate" the treatment of "HOCD".</p><p data-no-id="24" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">At the time the article was wrten, Ln's publishers were dubbg him as "the world's leadg thory on anxiety", and his webse ma hefty promis to sexually-nfed OCD sufferers. "If you are experiencg HOCD … and the thoughts ," the se read, "you are not gay and when you do my Method to elimate this and your other anxieti you'll fd out why you thk you might be and why you certaly are NOT!"</p><p data-no-id="25" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">In their report, <em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor">BuzzFeed</em> revealed that Ln lacked any medil, psychiatric or psychotheraptic trag, ultimately managg to get his practice disavowed by two major mental health anisatns that had prevly featured as endorsements. He has sce troduced a number of veats on his webse, and remas as Google's featured rult for the search 'HOCD'.</p><p data-no-id="26" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0"><em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor">BuzzFeed</em>'s skepticism wasn't aimed solely at Ln's shaky crentials and clumsy phrasg but also towards the credibily of sexualy-centred OCDs as a whole, and the ethics of therapists who seek to treat . They terviewed a number of proment mental health profsnals on the matter, who echoed the argument that the ncept of 'HOCD' was seeped homophobia and psdo psychology.</p><p data-no-id="27" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Elizabeth Peel, chair of the Brish Psychologil Society's 'Psychology of Sexuali' sectn and a profsor of Communitn & Social Interactn at Loughborough Universy, stat wh the piece that: "The term 'Homosexual OCD' is simply nversn therapy unr another guise and somethg we strongly nmn as damagg."</p><p data-no-id="28" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">She went on to say: "People should be wary of the way this therapy is beg promoted, and there are no published peer-reviewed studi to back up the claims that are beg ma."</p><p data-no-id="29" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Profsor Dh Bhuga, a former print of the Royal College of Psychiatrists, also cricised the practice, tellg <em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor">BuzzFeed</em>: "HOCD is not a regnised ndn. By 'creatg' such a ndn there is a ser danger of medilisg normal human emotns and turng lots of people who are var stag of g out, and for var reasons are stgglg to accept their sexualy, to 'ill' dividuals."</p><p data-no-id="30" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">It's clear that the term 'HOCD', ed by onle sufferers and unregnised by the DSM (which only referenc obssns wh "sexual imagery"), n act as a muddyg misnomer the nversatn around tsive sexual thoughts. Even Bretécher believ the phrase is a "ltle misleadg", and the anisatn OCDUK has warned that such unendorsed acronyms provi unnecsary nfn to sufferers and mental health profsnals alike.</p><p data-no-id="31" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">And yet spe the nmnatns, the treatment of tsive sexual thoughts has across-the-board regnn wh the OCD muny. Is jt a matter of semantics? Or do pot to a eper disagreement?</p><p data-no-id="32" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">I asked Elizabeth Peel to clarify her "nversn therapy" ments. In rponse she wrote: "The pot I was makg was that 'Homosexual OCD', as I unrstand , is very siar to 'ternalised homophobia'. The ma issue is not to treat same-sex sexualy as somethg that is problematic."</p><p data-no-id="33" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Aaron believ this is a misterpretatn of the problem at hand. "The statement that 'HOCD is nversn therapy unr another guise' breaks my heart," he tells me over email. "It monstrat the pomp of amia and the fundamental divi between their muny and ours. Misrmatn is everywhere. And 's not jt msage foms, 's g om the mouths of therapists, relig unselors, psychologists and psychiatrists who fundamentally do not unrstand OCD. Th, the explosn of onle muni."</p><p data-no-id="34" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">When Darren suffered a "kd of breakdown" 2007, he looked to the NHS for help. "The thoughts were gettg impossible to live wh, so I drove to the hospal and they sat me down wh what I thk was a psychologist. I opened up about how I was feelg, but he looked bored and said: "Well, maybe you're jt gay" and hand me a leaflet. That set me back a long way."</p><div supprsHydratnWarng data-no-id="35" data-embed="pullquote" class="embed css-0 e9hzx6g0"><blockquote class="css-1eiql25 e1pe3zr91"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-ow0dpz eagam8p0"></span><blockquote class="css-la9czl e1pe3zr90">"I'm certaly not terted nvertg gay men to straight men."</blockquote><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></blockquote></div><p data-no-id="36" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0"><strong data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor">Peel's reference to gay nversn therapy</strong> - the wholly discreded and dangero effort to 'cure' homosexualy - certaly darkens the tone of the nversatn. And an age where even the <a data-trackg-id="recirc-text-lk" href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="Vice Print of the Uned Stat has exprsed tac support for the practice" class="body-lk css-umdwtv et3p2gv0">Vice Print of the Uned Stat has exprsed tac support for the practice</a>, 's unrstandable that high profile figur the psychologil muny would nmn anythg that uld fuel the rhetoric of homophobic 'therapists', or provi party-le approval of their methods. After all, spe recent headways by LGBT groups and nunciatn om former Print Barrack Obama, gay nversn therapy is still legal across the US and only six stat have banned the practice relatn to mors. It's clear that, Ameri at least, the fight is far om over.</p><p data-no-id="37" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">But uld be that this kd of soc-polilly vigilant thkg might impe our abily to engage wh this particular mental health disorr a nuanced manner? While attempts to dismiss the ndn may be well-tentned, they risk leavg sufferers whout proper psychiatric help.</p><p data-no-id="38" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">"As a gay man, I'm certaly not terted nvertg gay men to straight men. Sexualy is anic as far as I'm ncerned," Avy Joseph says when I brg up the subject of nversn therapy. </p><p data-no-id="39" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">"If a client who is gay but anx about the nsequenc of acceptg themselv or g out go to a therapist who has an agenda about homosexualy, then of urse that therapist isn't workg the bt tert of their clients. I image they exist, but I've never met one who would publicly say homosexualy is wrong. It's pletely uhil."</p><p data-no-id="40" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Rose Bretécher believ the accatn HOCD is jt 'ternalised homophobia' is rrect, but don't blame anyone for leapg to such a ncln: "People's unrstandg is only as good as the rmatn available out there – and awarens is still pretty poor. I thk cur skepticism is healthy and that personal ttimony alone don't prove much. But thankfully no-one has to take my word for – go read the huge amount of objective rmatn available on specialist OCD web-s and chari."</p><p data-no-id="41" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Joseph tells me that he has never had a gay person e to him wh tsive thoughts about heterosexualy, but ttimony exists on Inter foms, and the OCD Center of Los Angel stat that do happen. "Over the years, therapists here […] have treated many homosexuals (male and female) who are plagued by obssive fears of beg "straight", and who suffer equally when OCD attacks their sexual inty," stat their webse, which also offers an onle HOCD tt. "It is not exclive to heterosexuals. At s re, sexual orientatn OCD is the fear of not knowg for sure, paired wh the fear of never beg able to have a healthy, lovg relatnship wh a partner to whom one feels genuely attracted."</p><p data-no-id="42" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Which brgs to perhaps the most important qutn: how n a therapist tell the difference between an OCD sufferer experiencg tsive and irratnal sexual thoughts, and a person gog through a difficult procs of sexual realisatn?</p><p data-no-id="43" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">"You'd make an asssment," says Joseph, who practic a variant of Cognive Behavural Therapy lled Ratnal Emotive Therapy. "You'd ask qutns about whether they fd men sexually arog, or whether they have wet dreams about men, and whether they are exced by the ia of sex wh men.[…] If the asssment is that the person is not gay, bee you believe as a therapist that there is no evince, that do not mean they have ternalised homophobia. They're jt askg themselv: why did I have this thought?"</p><p data-no-id="44" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">And the treatment?</p><p data-no-id="45" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">"The person who has OCD is highly anx about this obtsive thought. Once they accept the thought, then be apparent that their OCD disappears. Instead of fightg the thought, they've accepted whout addg any meang to . The whole therapy I practice is based on acceptance."</p><p data-no-id="46" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">And what if turns out that the patient is gay, after all? </p><p data-no-id="47" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">"If someone is fearful of beg gay bee beg gay reprents to them abandonment by their fay, or rejectn, or experiencg vlence or abe, then you would help them to accept themselv unndnally as a gay man."</p><p data-no-id="48" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0"><strong data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor">Ironilly, acceptance rts at the heart</strong> of both sis' arguments; acceptance of thought, sexualy and self. And 's impossible to know how far apart people actually stand on the issue, given the way that the ntroversy blurs the bate.</p><p data-no-id="49" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">"If the path to treatment is facilated through an onle muny that has ed a theme lled HOCD, how is that hurtg people?" argu Aaron. "Onle muni sharg mon experienc to better unrstand their ndn is cril to a global society." </p><p data-no-id="50" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">That beg said, he strs that an OCD diagnosis om a clil psychologist is val. "Remember, everyone has tsive thoughts about sexualy. So tsive thoughts about your sexual inty alone are not enough to know you have OCD."</p><p data-no-id="51" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0"> Ten years and two psychologists after that first, ght experiment wh gay porn, Darren still suffers recurrg bouts of OCD, but not around his inty as a straight man. "My anxiety n be fueled by a lot of stuff, but I jt do the same thg I was tght to do wh fears about sexualy. </p><p data-no-id="52" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">"Accept , let the thought pass, and move on."</p><p data-no-id="53" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0"><strong><em>Like this article? Sign up to our newsletter to get more livered straight to your box</em></strong></p><p data-no-id="54" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0"><style data-emotn="css 15g0gpe">{background:#FF3A30;background-lor:#FF3A30;-webk-background-size:100% 200%;background-size:100% 200%;borr:th solid #FF3A30;borr-radi:2rem;lor:#000;display:le-block;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:0.875rem;letter-spacg:0.04rem;le-height:1.3;paddg:0.625rem 1.25rem;-webk-text-ratn:none;text-ratn:none;text-ratn-lor:#FF3A30;text-ratn-thickns:.0625rem;text-transform:upperse;text-unrle-offset:0.25rem;-webk-transn:all 0.3s ease--out;transn:all 0.3s ease--out;whe-space:pre-le;width:to;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{paddg:0.5rem 0.7rem 0.3125rem;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{paddg:0.6rem 1.125rem 0.3125rem;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{paddg:0.6rem 1.125rem 0.3125rem;}}{outle-lor:body-cta-btn-lk-foc;}{lor:#000;text-ratn-lor:borr-lk-body-hover;-webk-background-posn:100% 100%;background-posn:100% 100%;background-lor:#ffffff;borr:th solid #FF3A30;}</style><a href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="SIGN UP" rel="nofollow" data-href=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" class="body-btn-lk css-15g0gpe et3p2gv0">SIGN UP</a><br /></p><p data-no-id="55" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0"><strong>Check out other entri our seri on sex & relatnships below:</strong></p><style data-emotn="css 19p7hma">{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:1.1875rem;le-height:1.6;marg:0.9375rem 0 0 0.625rem;paddg:0 0 0 1.25rem;}@media(m-width: 48rem){{marg:0.9375rem 0;}} b, strong{font-fay:her;font-weight:bold;} em{font-style:alic;font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;} em, i{font-fay:her;font-style:alic;} li{paddg-bottom:0.625rem;} strong{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-weight:bold;} li::marker{lor:#323232;}</style><ul data-no-id="56" class="css-19p7hma et3p2gv0"><li><strong><a href=" target="_blank" rel="nofollow" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="How to get off datg apps and meet people real life" class="body-lk css-umdwtv et3p2gv0">How to get off datg apps and meet people real life</a></strong></li><li><strong><a href=" target="_blank" rel="nofollow" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="Why we need to stop tryg to make 'date night' happen" class="body-lk css-umdwtv et3p2gv0">Why we need to stop tryg to make 'date night' happen</a></strong></li><li><strong><a href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="What do mean to be charmg? 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