If I Have Gay Children: Four Promis From A Christian Pastor/Parent

Contents:

• HOW CHRISTIAN PARENTS SHOULD RPOND TO THEIR CHILD'S GAY INTY CRISIS
• WHAT ARE CHRISTIANS TO DO WH THOSE PKY GAY CHILDREN?
• HOW SHOULD CHRISTIAN PARENTS RPOND IF ONE OF THEIR CHILDREN OUT AS GAY?
• TO CHRISTIAN PARENTS OF GAY CHILDREN
• WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THE ADOPTED KIDS OF ANTI-GAY PARENTS COME OUT?
• SUPPORT FOR PARENTS OF CHILD WHO SAYS HE’S GAY
• THE GAY AND TRANS CHILDREN OF EVANGELIL CHRISTIAN FAI
• SHOULD CHRISTIANS “DISOWN” GAY SONS AND DGHTERS?
• IF I HAVE GAY CHILDREN: FOUR PROMIS FROM A CHRISTIAN PASTOR/PARENT

HOW CHRISTIAN PARENTS SHOULD RPOND TO THEIR CHILD'S GAY INTY CRISIS

When a child first out to their parents as eher beg gay or havg same-sex attractn, their ial rpons are ually the wrong on, says Chris Doyle, a psychotherapist who specializ York Cy gay pri para crowd this undated photo.

WHAT ARE CHRISTIANS TO DO WH THOSE PKY GAY CHILDREN?

"Sce homosexualy is beg more wily accepted Amerin society, an creasg number of teens who experience SSA are intifyg as gay. They believe that if you experience same-sex attractns, then you're gay, " Doyle told the negative rpons parents have, acrdg to Doyle, are avoidg the issue by barrg their child om talkg about SSA or their gay inty; believg that 's a passg phase; or threateng to kick their olr teen or 20-somethg child out of the hoe.

"We know, our clil rearch over the last 25 years, that fay culture, environment and other non-blogil factors play a signifint role the velopment of same-sex attractn, " he asserted, addg that parents shouldn't seek therapy as an attempt to change their the book, Gay Children, Straight Parents: A Plan for Fay Healg, wrten by Richard Cohen, executive director of IHF, Doyle said 12 prcipl are discsed to help fai navigate through SSA and s . "Regardg sleepovers and big life events such as parents' attendg a child's same-sex weddg ceremony, Doyle suggted that parents treat their homosexual child the same as they would their heterosexual the se of sleepovers, parents should mata the same standards for every child and not allow their gay intified or SSA child to have somone they're attracted to spend the night wh them. "The same l should apply to heterosexual upl and homosexual upl, " he when down to attendg a child's gay weddg ceremony, Doyle suggted that attendg the ceremony don't necsarily reflect that the parents agree wh same-sex marriage, their prence merely shows their love for their child.

Last month, two very high profile Christian lears, Frankl Graham and Jam Dobson, addrsed publicly on a rad program how they believe Christians and the church should rpond to LGBT people, and specifilly to gay children.

HOW SHOULD CHRISTIAN PARENTS RPOND IF ONE OF THEIR CHILDREN OUT AS GAY?

The accurate statements they ma are the typ of accuraci that have led well-meang Christian parents to throw their gay children out of their home, that have led gay children to abandon their fah, and that have even led LGBTQ children to take their own liv. On Christian foms that provi emotnal support for gay teens and young adults that are nsirg “g out” to their fai, is standard practice to advise the young people to have alternate livg arrangements place prr to “g out.

I was talkg to some Christians and they were talkg about how they ved the gay children to e to their home and to e to the church and that they were wantg to fluence them.

TO CHRISTIAN PARENTS OF GAY CHILDREN

A moment later, after sayg that gay people uld go to heaven if they repented of their ss and accepted Christ, Graham said: “You nnot stay gay and ntue to ll yourself a Christian.

It appears that Graham thks that beg gay is a choice, sce he suggts people n jt stop beg gay. We n have great and lengthy theologil bat about what the Bible says about sexual relatnships as relat to beg gay, but there n be no bate about the origs of sexual orientatn bee the Bible never speaks to the subject.

To draw our nclns about the origs of sexual orientatn, we have to turn to the life experience of flh and blood gay people and what they tell about how they me to be gay, as well as, for those of who are heterosexual, our life experienc about how we me to be straight. Some gay people say they knew they were different long before those first actual sexual attractns appeared on the scene.

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THE ADOPTED KIDS OF ANTI-GAY PARENTS COME OUT?

Will beg around gay children lead my children to bee too passnate toward gay people? We n’t be sure what Graham meant by his remendatn to quarante our children and our church om gay children. So let’s al wh the related qutns–all about the fluence that gay children might have on our hom or our church.

9:36-38) I n thk of few people better scribed by the phrase “harassed and helpls, like sheep whout a shepherd” than a gay child. That sounds very different om Graham’s ll to avoid or reject harassed and helpls gay children.

SUPPORT FOR PARENTS OF CHILD WHO SAYS HE’S GAY

Send, ’s possible that Graham is sayg that gay children might fluence our children to bee gay. What you’ll hear–and what I’ve learned om nversatns wh many gay people and om readg the stori of numero others—is that almost universally (and by that, I mean I have yet to see an exceptn) the first reactn of every gay person was that they didn’t want to be gay.

That gay child Graham says not to reach out to didn’t choose to be gay, and your child isn’t gog to choose to be gay unr their “fluence.

Third, ’s possible that Graham is repeatg the age-old fear that beg around gay people will somehow jt naturally lead to more people beg gay—as if ’s ntag. This might be ferred om Graham’s ncern that if Christian fai reach out to gay children to fluence them wh the gospel, those gay children will somehow fluence the children of those parents stead, prumably to beg gay. Now logilly, if sexual orientatn is ntag, might be possible that beg heterosexual would be ntag, too—and wh 95-97% of nng around as heterosexuals not rg who we fect, if that were the se, “gay” should be elimated by now.

THE GAY AND TRANS CHILDREN OF EVANGELIL CHRISTIAN FAI

Many gay people have even married heterosexually, hopg would change their orientatn. Let’s face , spe our society’s alleged enlightenment, our society is not now and never has been pro-gay for children and teenagers.

Gay children—rather than beg people the church should turn out—are among the most disenanchised members of our society.

Not only is Graham’s advice to church dangero to gay children, ’s also dangero to the church. I realize that Graham would say he was referrg to Satan, but his words left the unavoidable implitn that the gay children the Christians sought to fluence were part of the enemy’s plot. Y, but ’s not gay children—and even if were, J said to love our enemi and overe evil wh good.

SHOULD CHRISTIANS “DISOWN” GAY SONS AND DGHTERS?

The few found words—that gay people n be saved but they have to repent of their ss and accept J as their Lord—apply to all of . In those found words, however, he seemed to imply that they need to repent of their orientatn and stop beg gay. Bee of that, Graham’s teachg on the subject—no matter how many other good thgs he has done through Samaran’s Purse—mt be rejected to protect Christian parents, their gay children, and gay children outsi the church.

Like disverg that one is gay, genr dysphoria is not somethg a child choos; is ually a very unwele disvery to feel that one’s genr is ngent wh one’s blogy. ) I share that now for this reason: If you happen to be a person who holds to that same theologil belief, I want you to realize that we n hold that belief and still be lovg, grac, and even protective toward the LGBT muny and most certaly toward gay children.

IF I HAVE GAY CHILDREN: FOUR PROMIS FROM A CHRISTIAN PASTOR/PARENT

If you happen to be a person who is Si A, I hope you n see that we n love and rpect each other although we might theologilly disagree and that all of n do everythg wh our power to protect gay children, who are often jt tryg to manage Si S—Survival—bee we n agree that every dividual is loved and pursued by God. Parents will hear the errant teachgs, believe them, and be fluenced to reject gay children they otherwise might have helped—sometim even their own.

Highly rejected gay children have been found to be eight tim more likely to attempt suici.

Can you thk of a higher rejectn than beg put out of your home by your Christian parents or put out of your church—as a gay or transgenr child—simply for an orientatn you didn’t ask for? If a child reveals his or her homosexualy, the first thg for Christian parents to do is let their child know that, no matter what, love and grace will w the day. Parents should also enurage a child who has “e out” not to fe himself as a “homosexual.