'Return the key': the parents who reject their gay children | Society | The Guardian

Contents:

• ‘MY PARENTS STILL WON’T ACCEPT THAT I’M GAY!’
• HOW N I PE WH MY FAY NOT ACCEPTG ME AS BEG GAY?
• THE HOOK UP: MY MOM REF TO ACCEPT THAT I’M GAY
• MANY PARENTS STGGLE TO ADJT AFTER LEARNG CHILD IS GAY, STUDY FDS
• MY FAY CANNOT ACCEPT THAT I AM GAYI TOLD MY MUM I WAS GAY WHEN I WAS 16 AND HER REACTN WAS “DON’T TELL YOUR DAD”. I WAS REALLY SURPRISED; I HONTLY THOUGHT SHE MIGHT ALREADY SPECT AND BE FE WH . I TOLD DAD A YEAR LATER AND, NOT KNOWG I’D ALREADY TOLD MUM, HE SAID ‘IT’LL KILL HER”. FOR ME; WAS A RELIEF TO GET THGS THE OPEN, BUT FOR MONTHS AFTERWARDS, WAS AS IF SOMEONE HAD DIED. I FELT REALLY GUILTY – NO ONE WANTS TO HURT THEIR PARENTS. BUT THE WORST REACTN WAS MY SISTER’S. SHE SAID WAS DISGTG.  I AM NOW 33 AND LIVG WH MY PARTNER, I ASSUME MY PARENTS ARE OKAY WH THIS AND LIKE HIM, BUT WE’VE NOT HAD A SGLE NVERSATN ABOUT . MY SISTER’S GETTG MARRIED THIS YEAR, AND THERE’S BEEN NO MENTN OF MY PARTNER OF THREE YEARS BEG VED. MY PARENTS HAVEN’T PROTTED OR EVEN MENTNED THIS. I DON’T WANT TO NOT GO, BUT I FEEL DISLOYAL TO HIM, AND TO MYSELF A WAY, IF I GO WHOUT HIM. IN THE LONG TERM I THK ‘WHAT DO MATTER?’ BUT ON THE OTHER HAND I ALSO THK THE TENSN BETWEEN ME AND MY FAY MAY NEVER GO. CALUM, BOROUGHMICHAELA SAYS
• 'RETURN THE KEY': THE PARENTS WHO REJECT THEIR GAY CHILDREN
• HOW TO ACCEPT THAT YOU ARE GAY

‘MY PARENTS STILL WON’T ACCEPT THAT I’M GAY!’

Livg wh homophobic parents n be a paful and difficult suatn.

Whether you are gay yourself, have a close loved one or iend who is, or jt support the LGBT movement general, alg wh tolerance is tough.

HOW N I PE WH MY FAY NOT ACCEPTG ME AS BEG GAY?

If your parents have said or done homophobic thgs the past, you might try to ga an unrstandg of their viewpots and work to change them.

You may have heard your parents make homophobic ments before, but maybe you don't really unrstand why they feel the way they do. Start a dialogue wh them about their feelgs about gay people and e active listeng skills to tly hear their si of thgs. Your parents may try to shg off when you ask "Why are you agast gay people?

THE HOOK UP: MY MOM REF TO ACCEPT THAT I’M GAY

In some s, this might perta to their relig beliefs, but you might also unver a eper, or more personal reason that they are agast gay people.

If your parents are relig, they may have learned that homosexual relatnships, beg transgenr, or beg nonbary are wrong.

They may stggle to accept that homosexualy is natural and part of who you are.

MANY PARENTS STGGLE TO ADJT AFTER LEARNG CHILD IS GAY, STUDY FDS

They may even have a change of heart and stop beg so homophobic. Even if your parents rema homophobic to some gree, they may soften up over time to mata a relatnship wh you. Also, if your parents are extremely homophobic, you may need to take preutns to protect your own emotnal well-beg and ensure you will still have a home and fancial support spe their beliefs.

Article SummaryXDealg wh homophobic parents n be a challenge but try to listen to their views whout argug so you n unrstand their posn. If you’re gay yourself, make clear that you’re not askg for your parents’ permissn, sce you didn’t choose your sexualy. "I'm an openly gay teen who has stggled wh prsn and suicidal thoughts.

My parents found out I was gay almost three years ago. Your beg gay, Normal Son, chang your parents’ story, and this plot twist terrifi them precisely bee they want you to be happy.

MY FAY CANNOT ACCEPT THAT I AM GAYI TOLD MY MUM I WAS GAY WHEN I WAS 16 AND HER REACTN WAS “DON’T TELL YOUR DAD”. I WAS REALLY SURPRISED; I HONTLY THOUGHT SHE MIGHT ALREADY SPECT AND BE FE WH . I TOLD DAD A YEAR LATER AND, NOT KNOWG I’D ALREADY TOLD MUM, HE SAID ‘IT’LL KILL HER”. FOR ME; WAS A RELIEF TO GET THGS THE OPEN, BUT FOR MONTHS AFTERWARDS, WAS AS IF SOMEONE HAD DIED. I FELT REALLY GUILTY – NO ONE WANTS TO HURT THEIR PARENTS. BUT THE WORST REACTN WAS MY SISTER’S. SHE SAID WAS DISGTG.  I AM NOW 33 AND LIVG WH MY PARTNER, I ASSUME MY PARENTS ARE OKAY WH THIS AND LIKE HIM, BUT WE’VE NOT HAD A SGLE NVERSATN ABOUT . MY SISTER’S GETTG MARRIED THIS YEAR, AND THERE’S BEEN NO MENTN OF MY PARTNER OF THREE YEARS BEG VED. MY PARENTS HAVEN’T PROTTED OR EVEN MENTNED THIS. I DON’T WANT TO NOT GO, BUT I FEEL DISLOYAL TO HIM, AND TO MYSELF A WAY, IF I GO WHOUT HIM. IN THE LONG TERM I THK ‘WHAT DO MATTER?’ BUT ON THE OTHER HAND I ALSO THK THE TENSN BETWEEN ME AND MY FAY MAY NEVER GO. CALUM, BOROUGHMICHAELA SAYS

Perhaps they thk that beg gay means that you’ll face prejudice and hatred — and sadly, bee homophobic people are out there, they may be right. Maybe they thk that beg gay means you’ll get AIDS — and while sounds like you know all about safe sex, they’re right that you may be at higher risk than a straight man. Maybe they also worry about thgs that have no bearg realy – that you’ll go to Hell or that somebody is “turng you” gay – but the end, they worry that your life will be harr as a gay man than as a straight one.

'RETURN THE KEY': THE PARENTS WHO REJECT THEIR GAY CHILDREN

No matter how many tim you expla that your happs li beg who you are – a gay man – worrisome scenars swirl their mds and they bee nsumed wh anxiety about your future.

HOW TO ACCEPT THAT YOU ARE GAY

Given how misrmed they seem about what means to be gay, I’m gusg that their muny of iends will also have a reactn to their havg a gay son, and that they will be ma to feel ashamed some way. ‘My Parents Still Won’t Accept That I’m Gay!

How n I pe wh my fay not acceptg me as beg gay? The important thg is that you accept who you are; others will followIf your fay don't accept you beg gay you shouldn't let beat you up.

If you're fortable, you uld talk to your parents about this, and gently tell them that is okay to be gay. Parents need to learn that not acceptg their children beg gay is not acceptg their children for who they are.