Your Child Jt Told You He's Gay. Now What? | Psychology Today

Contents:

• YOUR CHILD JT TOLD YOU HE'S GAY. NOW WHAT?
• WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"
• MY SON MIGHT BE GAY. WHAT SHOULD I SAY TO HIM?
• I NNOT AL WH FACT MY SON IS GAY
• THIS IS HOW I REALLY REACTED WHEN MY SON TOLD ME HE WAS GAY
• THIS IS HOW I FELT WHEN MY SON TOLD ME HE WAS GAY
• HOW TO TELL IF YOUR SON IS GAY
• I TRIED TO STOP MY SON FROM BEG GAY. I WISH I HADN'T
• WHAT TO DO IF YOU SPECT YOUR KID IS GAY OR TRANSGENR
• PARENTG: 'MY GRANDSON IS GAY AND I'M STGGLG WH '
• IS MY SON GAY OR IS A PHASE?
• IS MY CHILD GAY, AND IF SO, HOW DO I GET HIM TO BEAT UP OUR NEIGHBOR?

YOUR CHILD JT TOLD YOU HE'S GAY. NOW WHAT?

For straight parents, havg a child reveal that he is gay n be a jolt. You might ask how long he or she has known, and why he feels he is gay, bi, or trans, suggts Jonathan Tobk, M. D., a psychiatrist private practice New York Cy and the -thor of When Your Child Is Gay: What You Need to Know.

You n fd one through the Associatn of Gay and Lbian Psychiatrists. Take the extra step and show your child that you are terted beg the parent of a gay child. Edute yourself on what means to be gay, lbian, bisexual or transgenr.

PFLAG, or Parents for Lbians and Gays, which now has a group for transgenr youth, and holds natnwi chapters and meetgs;.

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"

When parents learn that their child is gay, lbian, bisexual, or transgenr, they n experience a range of emotns.

As a matter of fact, you might someday look back and fd that you are grateful for the experience of havg a gay or lbian child.

Well, my study of 65 fai of gay and lbian youth for the book, Comg Out, Comg Home: Helpg Fai Adjt to a Gay or Lbian Child, I found that some parents get to the pot where they believe that the experience of havg a gay child actually ma them a better person—more open-md and sensive to the needs of others, particularly those other mory groups. If you jt found out your child is gay, lbian, bisexual, or transgenr, you may be thkg that such ias are prepostero.

MY SON MIGHT BE GAY. WHAT SHOULD I SAY TO HIM?

The tstworthy nfidants let them vent but also rrected some of the misperceptns they absorbed om society, such as that gay people are lonely, unhappy, promiscuo, not fay-oriented, unable to have children, or sted for an unhappy life. Contact Parents, Fay, and Friends of Lbians and Gays (PFLAG).

List of Helpful Books for Parents of Gay and Lbian Children. Straight Parents Gay Children: Keepg Fai Together (revised edn).

I NNOT AL WH FACT MY SON IS GAY

Beyond Acceptance: Parents of Lbians, and Gays Talk About Their Experienc.

Somethg to Tell You: The Road Fai Travel when a Child is Gay. Comg Out, Comg Home: Helpg Fai Adjt to a Gay or Lbian Child. Fortunate Fai: Catholic fai wh lbian dghters and gay sons.

Mom, Dad, I'm Gay: How Fai Negotiate Comg Out.

THIS IS HOW I REALLY REACTED WHEN MY SON TOLD ME HE WAS GAY

As I relayed When Your Child Is Gay: What You Need To Know (Sterlg, 2016), I found out that my son was gay om a note wh our son's name entwed wh another boy's, surround by a heart.

I had spected at tim that he was gay. Had I asked him if he were gay when he was 13, he probably would have fensively said "No! San Berland, the mother of a gay son who ach parents of LGBTQ kids, utn, "It's not a good ia to ask.

THIS IS HOW I FELT WHEN MY SON TOLD ME HE WAS GAY

Acrdg to my -thor, psychiatrist Jonathan Tobk, "Gay children feel credibly vulnerable when g out to their parents, and tak time to work up the urage to do this. Mol acceptance by not g gay slurs and never tellg gay jok.

Watch gay-themed shows together such as "The Fosters" and "Will and Grace. " How do they pict gay people?

React kdly to gay people the news or on televisn. In a way, you have an advantage by not knowg; giv you more time to prepare for the day (if ever) when he do reveal he's gay.

HOW TO TELL IF YOUR SON IS GAY

They immediately clocked as gay, while we immediately clocked them as we warmed up to another, one mom anxly said: "I have a qutn: I am pretty sure my son is gay, but I don't know what to do.

I TRIED TO STOP MY SON FROM BEG GAY. I WISH I HADN'T

"For example, if someone the word "gay" place of "stupid, " remd them that the two are not terchangeable, and suggt they should say what they actually mean stead.

"The rourc n help:PFLAG: The untry’s largt anizatn ung parents, fai, and alli wh people who are lbian, gay, bisexual, transgenr, and Spectm: Offers groups, trag, and rourc promotg genr sensivy and cln for all youthGLBT Natnal Rource Database: LGBTQ+ digal directory of rourcNatnal Queer and Trans Therapists of Color Network: Directory of therapists/unselors who are people of lorNatnal LGBTQ Task Force: The progrsive advocy arm of the LGBTQ+ movementDurg LGBTQ Pri Month, TODAY is sharg the muny’s history, pa, joy and what’s next for the movement. Dave, I have a 17-year-old son, and I am fairly sure he is gay. I psed on our lol PBS affiliate, where a huge choir was sgg, and after a few sends I realized was the Gay Men's Chos of some cy or another dog a fundraisg ncert.

WHAT TO DO IF YOU SPECT YOUR KID IS GAY OR TRANSGENR

At this time my life, I was 99 percent certa I was gay, though nowhere near ready to sprg on my parents. We had no gay people our liv back then, no way to gge my fay's level of tolerance. We had no gay people our liv back then, no way to gge my fay's level of watched as they livered a rendn of what I remember as "Somewhere Over the Rabow, " bee eher they or my memory are unfivably basic.

Stirrg and brave and subversive, g as did a time before marriage equaly was on the map, a time when you only saw gay people on the news. Good on you for not pot-blank askg your son whether he's gay.

PARENTG: 'MY GRANDSON IS GAY AND I'M STGGLG WH '

It means one simple, pable thg: Once you have told your dad you're gay, there is no gog back. Right now, he has to be secretive, not bee he's gay, but bee he's 17. I'd love to say that you should do a big, showy "Hey, I sure do like those gay people" at the dner table.

I wish were as simple and CBS-smy as ve the gay guy om work to fay bowlg night. Qutn: TWO months ago my son Gav, 29, announced that he is gay.

He me home one weekend to expla to me and my hband that he has been livg wh his partner for three months and has known he was gay sce he was 17. UPSET: Mary n't e to terms wh the fact that her son is gay / pic posed by molsI was vastated and me as a shock bee Gav has the past brought girliends home to meet . Mary, 57, SheffieldAnswer:DEBORAH SAYS:How do you e to terms wh the news your son is gay?

IS MY SON GAY OR IS A PHASE?

You have to let them parents fd hard to accept their child is gay. Perhaps is ls difficult than once was bee there is ls secrecy and ls opprobrium surroundg homosexualy but is still hard bee upsets all your expectatns about your mt have been very difficult for Gav to e home and tell you this. Of urse you wouldn’ you n’t “e to terms” wh homosexualy you n’t e to terms wh him.

“I’m gay. I have had gay iends (and been eply hurt and disappoted when beme obv. He never wanted to be gay.

To iends of me who may have gay children, or be gay themselv, please five me for my ignorance.

IS MY CHILD GAY, AND IF SO, HOW DO I GET HIM TO BEAT UP OUR NEIGHBOR?

I don’t know if I’ll ever be “okay” wh the gay liftyle, but right now, I am okay wh my son beg gay, and right now, that is all that matters. What would you do if your child told you they were gay?

If you’d like to jo the Fom, drop a le at do feel like to fd out that your son is gay?

So my 19-year-old son told me he is gay last night. He don’t “act gay, ” but ’s not a huge leap to image him beg still put me to shock.