Gay Men and Their Fathers: Hurt and Healg | Psychology Today

Contents:

• HOW TO TACKLE GAY RELATNSHIP PROBLEMS
• GAY MEN’S FEARS OF LONG-TERM ROMANCE
• GAY AND BISEXUAL MEN'S HEALTH ISSU
• AGE DIFFERENC GAY COUPL
• GAY COUPL CAN TEACH STRAIGHT PEOPLE A THG OR TWO ABOUT ARGUG
• GENR ROL THE RELATNSHIPS OF LBIANS AND GAY MEN
• GAY MEN AND THEIR FATHERS: HURT AND HEALG
• GAY RELATNSHIP BREAKUP CAN BE PROBLEMATIC. HERE’S HOW TO AVOID THE RISKS

HOW TO TACKLE GAY RELATNSHIP PROBLEMS

Many health re and mental health anizatns foced on the lbian, gay, bisexual and transgenr muny also offer substance e treatment or may be able to provi rmatn about lol rourc. A profsnal mental healthre provir will be a sensive clician, fully aware of the pfalls of tradnal heterosexual bias, and will treat a lbian or gay uple an appropriate fashn.

GAY MEN’S FEARS OF LONG-TERM ROMANCE

Some mon dilemmas clu fay (particularly parental) disapproval, societal homophobia, pecially if you live a part of the untry where beg gay is perceived as abnormal, and discrimatn (overt or subtle) at the workplace.

Your partner may not agree wh the way you handle your parents’ attu towards your same-sex relatnship, or get irrated when you don’t stand up for yourself agast a homophobic slur or an act of discrimatn at the office.

It is important to face the issu associated wh gay relatnship problems together and e up wh some productive strategi to manage them before they snowball to relatnship-damagg fights. Perhaps reachg out to your LGBT support groups, who have certaly been where you are now, for nstctive (and legal) advice on how to manage the and other problems wh gay marriage. Tell them you know that g out is a hard procs, but stayg closeted is harr still, and that your relatnship nnot bloom unls both of you are livg as openly gay people.

GAY AND BISEXUAL MEN'S HEALTH ISSU

Brgg a profsnal third party to help wh the nversatn about gay or lbian marriage problems n be of aid obtag that “missg piece” that your same-sex relatnship may be lackg.

It is important to put the child or children’s welfare first, and for that, you need to know that your new partner is on the same page as you early to avoid gay relatnship problems. But wh good munitn, and a sire to fd meangful solutns, your gay relatnship problems n be utilized posively to strengthen your bond and, enhance the nnectn you have wh each other. Homosexualy has not been nsired pathologil by mastream psychiatry sce the 1970s, and the years that followed, gay upl have begun to acknowledge their partnerships publicly.

AGE DIFFERENC GAY COUPL

Mothers who enjoy the sensivy and shared terts of gay sons may lean too much on them, g them to fulfill their unmet emotnal believ that the dynamics n prevent adult gay men om formg long-term romantic bonds.

Many gay men seek affirmatn not through an endurg, lovg relatnship, he said, but cultivatg large works of iends, pursug transient sexual liaisons, focg on profsnal succs and creatg flawlsly appoted environments for his new book, Commment and Healg: Gay Men and the Need for Romantic Love, Isay scrib how therapy n help provi gay men wh sight to the effects of childhood fluenc on the pacy to m to a partner.

A clil profsor at Weill Medil College of Cornell Universy and a faculty member at the Columbia Universy Center for Psychoanalytic Trag and Rearch, Isay draws upon his experience as a Manhattan psychotherapist wh mostly gay published his first book, Beg Homosexual: Gay Men and Their Development, 1989, at a time when he was g out. His 1996 book, Beg Gay, outl the ways which gay teenagers and adults velop said that his new book has stirred up some ntroversy bee he argu that gay upl who tolerate sexual adventur outsi the partnership may do so out of an unnsc fear of closens rather than a sense of liberatn om tradnal heterosexual strictur. “It ns unter to the prevailg doctr of the gay muny that mata that our relatnships are fe, more mocratic and better than heterosexual relatnships, ” said hop that his new book will help gay men to exame the patterns of their romantic relatnships and perhaps seek the guidance of a therapist attuned to gay issu.

GAY COUPL CAN TEACH STRAIGHT PEOPLE A THG OR TWO ABOUT ARGUG

There are a few optns for gay men and bisexual men same-sex relatnships who aspire to have children, cludg surrogacy, where sperm is ed to fertilize a donated egg, which is then rried to term by a surrogate mother. Rick’s practice the Boston area specializ work wh gay men and Clton’s Sydney serv the LBGTQ for this month’s blog, I reached out to Rick and Clton to help rears who work primarily wh heterosexual upl and want to expand your knowledge base for helpg gay men.

I’ll start wh some of Rick’s sights on mon issu for gay male upl and follow up wh a set of qutns om Clton that open munitn l and pave the way for your Miller has been a popular prenter at the annual Coupl Conferenc that we -sponsor wh the Milton Erickson Foundatn. I know om my own practice and also om the many s therapists have brought to me for nsultatn that the issu n be pecially challengg to heterosexual therapists workg wh gay upl. For example:No gay upl are monogamoGay upl don’t have sexls relatnshipsAll gay men like anal sexGay men don’t have erectn issuHe suggted openg the topic of sexualy wh some ial you open or monogamo?

GENR ROL THE RELATNSHIPS OF LBIANS AND GAY MEN

Here are some excellent qutns he gave me for your fortable are you wh showg affectn to each other public, such as holdg hands, kissg, huggg, or acknowledgg publicly you're a gay uple?

GAY MEN AND THEIR FATHERS: HURT AND HEALG

I too see a lot of siari between workg wh straight and gay upl, but the ma difference the gay male upl I work wh is they often place a lot of importance on sex and prent for therapy when there are sexual problems, betrayal issu, they want to explore and negotiate some form of non-monogamy, or a non-monogamo arrangement is not workg. Many quiri I have received over and over aga through the years beg somethg like this: “I've always liked olr men, but many gay iends close to my age are cril of me and spic of my motiv. Var labels have been ascribed to tergeneratnal upl, whether straight, gay or bisexual: tergeneratnal, age-gap, age-discrepant, or, more often than not, “May-December” relatnships.

Inially, I was unnvced the relatnships were ser, but that was bee I held stereotypil views: an olr gay man who was lookg for a trophy-mate and has the money to take re of his boy toy and a younger man who was lookg for a sugar daddy.

GAY RELATNSHIP BREAKUP CAN BE PROBLEMATIC. HERE’S HOW TO AVOID THE RISKS

Based on the number of tim this qutn drops to my mailbox, the reasons for the age-discrepant attractns nsum a great al of bandwidth the thoughts of a lot of young gay and bisexual men. Was pletg his doctoral dissertatn, “May-December: Navigatg Life as an Intergeneratnal Gay Couple, ” he thoroughly rearched what proved to be the limed available lerature on tergeneratnal upl.

While there is not much rearch to draw om, the studi that do exist suggt that, on average, same-sex upl rolve nflict more nstctively than different-sex upl, and wh ls are always exceptns, and even the healthit of gay upl are not ntually baskg a rabow-hued utopia. Likewise, is unfair to lump all straight upl together, and disgenuo to suggt that they are not pable of argug a healthy bee male and female same-sex upl each have different strengths that help them endure, we n all learn om them, Miller are some nstctive methods to handle disagreements, as observed by rearchers of gay upl:Use humor to fe angerCrackg a joke the midst of a heated moment n backfire, but when done properly, “ almost immediately releas the tensn, ” said Robert Rave, 45, who liv wh his hband, David Forrt, Los ced a recent r trip where Forrt, 35, ed humor to help end an latg argument over whether they should rely on Google Maps.