Gay Men and Their Mothers: Is There a Special Closens? | Psychology Today

Contents:

• GAY MEN AND THEIR MOTHERS: IS THERE A SPECIAL CLOSENS?
• A LOOK AT GAY MEN AND THEIR MOTHERS
• GAY SONS AND MOTHERS
• WHY DO GAY MEN TEND TO HAVE CLOSER RELATNSHIPS WH THEIR MOMS STEAD OF THEIR DADS?
• THE STGGLE BETWEEN GAY MEN AND THEIR FATHERS
• WHY ARE THERE GAY MEN?
• SCIENTISTS MAY HAVE FALLY UNLOCKED PUZZLE OF WHY PEOPLE ARE GAY
• GAY SONS & MOTHERS PRENTS ITS FOURTH EPISO OF ‘MOTHERS WHO INSPIRE’
• "GAY GENE" SURVIVED EVOLUTN AS IT IS CARRIED BY MOTHERS WHO HAVE MORE CHILDREN, STUDY
• GAY MEN DIRECT THEIR RAGE AT THEIR SELFISH, NARCISSISTIC MOTHERS
• GAY MEN AND THEIR FATHERS: HURT AND HEALG

GAY MEN AND THEIR MOTHERS: IS THERE A SPECIAL CLOSENS?

This was found to be te for many of the mothers and sons I terviewed for the study scribed the book: Comg Out, Comg Home: Helpg Fai Adjt to a Gay or Lbian Child ().

Neverthels, this closens uld have a downsi, at least temporarily, as many mothers ially blame themselv and the close relatnships for their sons' homosexualy. So, perhaps is not pletely surprisg that once they learned their sons were gay, some of the mothers I terviewed felt that they had done somethg to damage them. For a long time, the psychiatric profsn blamed overly close maternal relatnships for g the "disease" of male homosexualy.

Even though rearch sce the 1950's has bunked , this theory persists people's mds and rears s ugly head for mothers when they ially learn their sons are gay.

A LOOK AT GAY MEN AND THEIR MOTHERS

Fortunately, for many mothers of gay son—wh time and tn, they learn that the ia that they had somehow ma their son gay is ad wrong This was te of the mothers my study who also me to see the benefs havg a gay son as will be scribed later this post. My rearch, clil and personal experienc suggt that there is ed a al lk between male homosexualy and a close maternal relatnship but flows the oppose directn than what was prevly thought. The young gay mal this study relled sharg terts mon wh their mothers, such as fashn and okg, and were also sensive to their feelgs.

I thk personally [beg gay] ma me a more emotnal person, more sensive, more touch wh both the male and female sis of myself, but allowg me to even acknowledge that other si ma me closer to my mother.

Once mothers this study got over their feelgs of guilt and got ed to the ia that their sons were gay, they were able to regnize the benefs of havg a gay son. However, we get to hot water when we allow stereotyp to get the way of unrstandg the uniquens of dividuals and their circumstanc—so is important to remember that not all mothers and gay sons are close.

GAY SONS AND MOTHERS

Sadly, some mothers simply nnot adjt to their sons' homosexualy, due to their guilt, relig ncerns, or abily to "let go" and accept the ways they live their liv. On social media, the group featur imag of gay men and their mothers behd them, highlightg the importance the women have their sons' liv. "After beg blamed for makg their sons gay the 70's, moms now get the regnn they serve for raisg betiful sons, " Miller out more about the group here.

WHY DO GAY MEN TEND TO HAVE CLOSER RELATNSHIPS WH THEIR MOMS STEAD OF THEIR DADS?

Two years ago, Miller, who practic Boston and Cape Cod, began terviewg gay men about their relatnship wh their mothers, which turned to “Gay Sons and Mothers, ” a project he hop to velop to a documentary. Adam and Rick discs the them that Rick has found his rearch, how he me to be terted this rearch, masculy + femy as a gay man, what mak a good mother, the romanticism of gay men and their mothers, the trma of rejectn, divas, bety and athetics, and Rick’s nonprof where he do his rearch.

So I’ve met men and mothers of different ag, of different ethnic groups, different religns, different rac, to ask them about their experienc of mom support of her gay son, or mom’s lack of support, regards to her son’s beg gay.

AB: One thg I’m always terted about this relatnship is that theme of masculy and femy among gay men, and how that tersects wh our mothers, generally speakg, are you seeg any kd of rich them there? What I mean by that is, she may not even know he’s gay, he may not have e out, but a good mother lets their child be who they are, regardls of orientatn.

THE STGGLE BETWEEN GAY MEN AND THEIR FATHERS

RM: Sorry, what what I’m fdg is that gay men, gay teens, equently cred their mothers, for seeg them and allowg them to be who they are.

But there’s such a romanticism about gay men and their mothers and the closens and the thgs that we share that I thk ’s even more of a letdown for gay boys who need their moms as a lifele.

WHY ARE THERE GAY MEN?

And also when they bee men to realize that they were g*pped out of somethg so important, and so sential that a lot of gay iends and gay peers have.

SCIENTISTS MAY HAVE FALLY UNLOCKED PUZZLE OF WHY PEOPLE ARE GAY

But I’ve also spoken to people whose mothers have gone tanm agast beg gay and have been downright cel, trmatizg their sons as a rult, which is tough. RM: Well, so I’ll start wh what I said to you, which is that while I, when I started this project, was really tertg to look for photos of gay men and their mothers or to follow my iends who were postg their mothers. And every gay man seemed to fd some betiful, glamoro shot of their mother at some pot time, and that there’s a lot of kudos the gay muny for havg a betiful mother.

Well strik me that that divas sentially get to really celebrate their femy, perhaps a way that a gay boy would like to and n’t possibly do. They don’t have to be embarrassed by or squelch, and so many gay boys have unnscly and nscly squelched themselv throughout their liv.

June 6, 2018 (Joseph Sciambra) – Scientist Simon LeVay, who has spent most of his reer tryg to lote a “gay” geic termate for homosexualy, his book Gay, Straight, and the Reason Why: The Science of Sexual Orientatn, wrote: “[G]ay men do ed scribe their relatnships wh their mothers as closer, and their relatnships wh their fathers as more distant and hostile, as pared wh how straight men scribe the relatnships. ” Borrowg om the theori of Amerin psychiatrist and gay activist Richard Isay, LeVay thks 's possible that some pre-homosexual boys exhib certa tras fathers dislike but mothers like.

GAY SONS & MOTHERS PRENTS ITS FOURTH EPISO OF ‘MOTHERS WHO INSPIRE’

In my own life as a “gay” man, the scenar I repeatedly wnsed was the son of fdg or divorced parents, whereby the boy be nfidant and “girliend” to the bter and sufferg mother. “… 's te that we all have wildly different relatnships wh our parents and plenty of gay men spend jt as much time worryg about his reactn. “I thk that the story of my relatnship wh my mother Mama Jean is universal no matter what age you are, whether you're 50 or 15, that the parent/child relatnship is universal, that the mother/son relatnship is universal, and that the mother/gay son relatnship is universal.

Though my mother was what some nsir to be a stereotypil “gay” mother, domant, overbearg, but certaly that type of mother will always exist, and the mon dynamic between mothers of gay sons…I believe that gay men and straight women have a natural affy for each other, and I thk that dynamic starts wh the mother.

Bee I thk gay men are touch wh the feme sis of ourselv, and we're tune wh that wh our mothers a way that a straight son is not and a different way that a straight dghter would not be.

"GAY GENE" SURVIVED EVOLUTN AS IT IS CARRIED BY MOTHERS WHO HAVE MORE CHILDREN, STUDY

We don't do stereotypil gay-son-and-mum thgs such as shoppg, but I'm a sensive person, and Mum feels fortable tellg me anythg…I told Mum…and she gave me a big hug. The efulns of this nstct for unrstandg aspects of the psychosocial velopment of gay men throughout their liv, particularly their relatnships wh women, is explored through the examatn of clil data om a number of sourc. It’s a tism that our earlit selv are shaped large part by our bonds wh our parents, and nowhere is this more te than when a son is gay.

Gay Sons and Mothers llects, curat, discs, celebrat, and prerv narrativ that te, spire, and brg hope to dienc around the globe. Gay Sons and Mothers is honored to jo a proud tradn of prervg and passg along stori that reflect the strengths and stggl related to the formatn of sexual inty and sexual exprsn the ntext of the parent-child relatnship.

Gay Sons and Mothers is a 501-©3 nonprof anizatn created to te and spire, not jt gay men and their fai, but whole muni about what diversy and acceptance look like—and why ’s so spectacularly ’re glad you’re here wh on the journey! TEDxTalk: The Mother Factor: Acceptance Works Both WaysMom is the person who potentially has the greatt impact on her son’s life and his psychologil well-beg- pecially muni where he has been treated unfairly due to beg until well to the '70s, the medil muny blamed mothers for “makg" their sons gay.

GAY MEN DIRECT THEIR RAGE AT THEIR SELFISH, NARCISSISTIC MOTHERS

Not only is this somethg I’ve alt wh my own life, but an experience I’ve wnsed wh many gay men I’ve spoken to throughout my life. Toxic Masculy Another reason I believe that straight fathers and their gay sons may not have the bt relatnship between them is society’s view on masculy. Jt like wh homophobia, fathers who expect their sons to exhib siar ials of masculy may e a rift between them and their son (gay or straight).

Lsons Passed DownThe last big reason I believe so many gay men have straed relatnships wh their fathers down to lsons and beliefs passed down to the fathers when they were also children. Yet there are still gay men out there who’s story wh their fathers may never produce a happy rolutn once they are adults.

GAY MEN AND THEIR FATHERS: HURT AND HEALG

While female sexualy appears to be more fluid, rearch suggts that male gayns is an born, unalterable, strongly geilly fluenced tra. But nsirg that the tra disurag the type of sex that leads to procreatn — that is, sex wh women — and would therefore seem to thwart s own chanc of beg geilly passed on to the next generatn, why are there gay men at all? For several years, studi led by Andrea Camper Ciani at the Universy of Padova Italy and others have found that mothers and maternal nts of gay men tend to have signifintly more offsprg than the maternal relativ of straight men.

The rults show strong support for the "balancg selectn hypothis, " which is fast beg the accepted theory of the geic basis of male theory holds that the same geic factors that duce gayns mal also promote fecundy (high reproductive succs) those mal' female maternal relativ. Through this tra-off, the maternal relativ' "gay man gen, " though they aren't exprsed as such, tend to get passed to future generatns spe of their tenncy to make their male herors no one knows which gen, exactly, the might be, at least one of them appears to be loted on the X chromosome, acrdg to geic molg by Camper Ciani and his lleagu.

Mal her only one X chromosome — the one om their mother — and if clus the gene that promot gayns mal and fecundy femal, he is likely to be gay while his mom and her female relativ are likely to have lots of kids.