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TELL: AN INTIMATE HISTORY OF GAY MEN THE MILARY

As "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" to an end, we sent Chris Heath to terview dozens of gay servicemen om the past and prent to fd out what life was really like as Ameri's ary stggled wh s last great inty crisis * gay military ass *

The are the voic explag what has been like to be a gay man1 the Amerin ary over the prev seventy or so years, om World War II veterans their late eighti to young servicemen on active duty.

Life Today as a Gay ServicemanHow we got here: In 1992, many people thought that the discrimatn was nearly over. "I remember beg the Castro, " says John Forrett (army rerve, 1987–99), "and watchg the TV at a bar wh some iends, watchg Al Gore and Bill Clton swearg that if they beme the tag team for Ameri they were gog to get rid of the harassment of gays and lbians servg the ary.

" Gay people were allowed the ary but only as long as they didn’t reveal their sexualy; to facilate this, all members of the ary were also prohibed om quirg about anyone’s possible orientatn.

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Gay people were only acceptable, effect, to the gree to which they uld succsfully masquera as nongay. Seventeen years which gay servicemen have existed a paradoxil kd of herworld. Servicemen were advised that until then the policy would still apply, and that they uld potentially face s sanctns if they intify themselv publicly as gay.

’ "Air Force #1: "Two of my iends were disvered, both officers—’s a long and arduo procs for an officer to get kicked out for beg gay. "Air Force #2 (senr airman, three years): "No one at my job would ever, ever spect that I was gay at all. And you’re good at your job—a gay person wouldn’t be good at his job, so obvly you’re not gay.

You’re a Mare, you don’t md gettg dirty, gog out to the field and not showerg for weeks at a, if you were gay, when you have to shower wh all the other guys you’d get all exced. You’re not gettg exced so you’re clearly not gay. I mean, if you want to hi, the Mare Corps is one of the bt plac to do that, bee nobody wants to adm they are standg next to a gay guy.

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Nobody wants to adm that they have gone to war wh gay people. I had ma about halfway through and the recer was trated wh how long was takg me, and he said, ’Well, basilly, are you gay? One Man’s Operatn Iraqi FreedomMany gay servicemen the morn era—cludg Eric Alva (Mar, 1991–2004)—have pleted long ary reers whout their sexualy ever beg revealed.

And therefore few people realized that the first Amerin serly wound the vasn of Iraq durg the send Gulf war was a gay Alva signed up, before "Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, " he had to lie on his paperwork.

Lbians have suffered unr the same prohibns and prejudic and share many of the same experienc, as well as some that are distct, but this article ncentrat on the experience of gay men. And when, 2006, the battl over "Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell" the ary and gay marriage the wir muny were simmerg, Alva’s boyiend at the time poted out to him that he did have some notoriety that might be of e.

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The first Amerin jured the Iraq war is a gay Mare.

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For gay ary members who choose to do so, there has been the extra burn that their partners mt rema visible. (The meetgs have been arranged through a private onle work lled OutServe, set up only last year, which allows gay and lbian servicepeople a safe and secure way of fdg and munitg wh one another. To be the ary and still try to live any kd of life as a gay man, ’s not Force #4 (senr airman, four years): "Right now our relatnships don’t exist.

In the shadow of "Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, " whenever gay servicemen did face any kd of homophobic harassment, they were powerls to draw attentn to whout potentially triggerg the end of their ary reer.

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The le self beme the very tool of their opprsn: "The ’Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ policy, " says Joseph Rocha (navy, 2004–7), "punish homosexuals who ply, and protects bigots. Nothg to do wh the fact that I was gay.

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But when you get ught up the ltle groups of boys, the first exce for anythg that don’t f wh them is that you’re gay. And I had too much pri to say that I wasn’t gay.

Of a number of latg events—Rocha was also force-fed dog food and locked to a sh-filled dog kennel—the most abive and explicly homophobic was when he was orred by his manr to act a dog-trag scenar, repeated over and over so that every dog the un uld be n through . Lovg so much that each scenar was gayer and more disgtg—the troductn of fake semen, that I would have to wipe my face, or that I would have to make slurpg nois.

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Anyone who gets off thkg that ’Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ unr the Bh admistratn anyone uld have gone and said, ’Hey, I’m beg antagonized unr the prciple that I might be gay’ and feel safe is absurd.

You would have to have no gay iends, no iends that knew you were gay, no iends who unrstood what was like to be you. Life Seventy Years Ago as a Gay Serviceman: World War IIIt was only really around the Send World War that ary discrimatn beme dified and anized, and that the foc moved om simply sanctns agast homosexual acts to an attempt to intify and weed out homosexual tennci—though, as would be seen aga and aga, when fightg bodi were need badly enough, such ncerns would often evaporate.

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No space for homosexuals back then.

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’ "John McNeill, 85: "They were sperate need of more nnon fodr—they didn’t re whether we were gay or straight. "Edward Zasadil, 86: "I was not revealg my gayns to anybody.

There were the ual nasty remarks about gay people—’homos’ and whatnot. "JM: "I found out right after the war that if someone were discharged as homosexual, a notice of that fact was sent home to their lol draft board, so that their whole muny would e to know that they were gay.

And this led directly to the formatn of gay ghettos the major ci, where people who uldn’t go home, bee their sexualy had been revealed by the army, had to move to Greenwich Village or the San Francis Castro.

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This was the begng of the huge gay muni the major ci. "I fally accepted that I was gay the first time I went to Iraq 2004. Manzella operated fully wh the vtigatn; when he was asked for evince that he wasn’t jt claimg to be gay orr to trigger a discharge, he even supplied photos, and footage of him and his boyiend passnately kissg on a road trip.

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A month later he was lled to see his battaln manr and told that the vtigatn had been closed: "His words were ’We found no proof of homosexualy.

"While he was ployed, the Servicemembers Legal Defense Network, a mpaigng group who had been givg him guidance, told him that 60 Mut wanted to do a piece about an openly gay man servg a bat zone, persuadg him that would give a voice to the "65, 000 men and women the ary" who weren’t able to live as openly as he was. I was nfed until beme clear that, partly by chance and partly by a cha of personal remendatns over the years, this trailer park had bee some kd of gay-veteran hot spot: There are eight or ten others livg here, and more nearby. He says that he didn’t seek promotn past a certa pot bee would have required an vtigatn to get him clearance, and he was ncerned they would disver his subscriptns to gay magaz.

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He avoid gay bars bee he was worried about unrver agents and so would e prostut and htlers stead.

"It was advertised magaz as a gay bar owned by Mel Tips. "I knew I was gay, and I knew that they kicked you out the ary, " he says.

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’ " They claimed that he had been named as a homosexual and prsured him to nfirm the tails, showg him photos of other men who were implited.

One Man’s Vietnam"Back the ’50s Oregon, " rells Tom Norton (Army, 1968-71), "they were still puttg people jail for homosexual activy, and that certaly sends a strong msage to a young kid.

I realized I was gay when I was 5 years old, and I stggled wh my whole childhood, thkg about suici. I was so much emotnal pa over beg gay that anythg was better than that.

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I went to Vietnam wh post-trmatic strs disorr, which I had had om the age of 5 when I learned the word homosexual and knew that’s what I was.

"Norton wasn’t sexually active Vietnam—"I would numb myself and avoid anythg sexual"—and was only years later that he realized that some of the men his social circle there were gay. "A group of enlisted gay men that seemed to be at ease wh who they were.

He stggled so much wh growg up gay Vietnam and beg ostracized for his sexualy, jt wantg to be loved and red for wh the war gog on around him.

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"Air Force #2: "There’s one good iend that I thought about tellg, but always right when I thk, ’Okay, ’s ol to tell him, ’ he’ll say somethg that is kd of weird about gay people. And her form of retaliatn was to go and tell my officer charge that I was gay.

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