The Sad, Conflicted Liv of Ameri's Gay Mormons

Contents:

• JIMMY HAL, GAY MORMON, COM OUT TO FAY, RERDS THEIR REACTNS IN AMAZG CLIP (VIDEO)
• WATCH A GAY MORMON COME OUT TO FRIENDS, FAY
• GAY MORMON PTUR YEARLONG G-OUT ON VIO
• 'THK BEG GAY IS HARD? TRY BEG A GAY MORMON': RELIG LLEGE STUNT JIMMY HAL REVEALS VIO OF THE MOMENT HE ME OUT TO ALL HIS IENDS AND RELATNS
• GAY MORMON OUT TO HIS MUNY. AND RERDS THEIR REACTNS.
• MORMON STUNT TELLS HIS FRIENDS AND FAY HE’S GAY AND FILMS THEIR REACTNS: VIDEO
• GAY SOLIDARY AND JIMMY HAL
• WE LOVE THE GAY MORMON
• THE SAD, CONFLICTED LIV OF AMERI'S GAY MORMONS
• GAY MORMON RERDS G OUT TO IENDS AND FAY
• GAY MORMON & CELIBATE + BREASTFEEDG AT CHURCH CREAT STIR
• MORMON U. FORC GAYS TO BE CELIBATEOVER THE RABOWHOMOSEXUALY IS NO LONGER AN HONOR VLATN, BUT MORMON LGBT STUNTS SAY THEY HAVE FEW CHOIC BEYOND A CELIBATE LIFE OR A SECRET ONE.EY SHIREUPDATED JUL. 12, 2017 3:27PM EDT / PUBLISHED MAY 13, 2014 8:45AM EDT THE DAILY BEASTWHEN JIMMY HAL ME OUT, WAS TO AN DIENCE OF NEARLY 600,000 PEOPLE. IN FEBARY 2013, HE POSTED A YOUTUBE VIO TO LET THE WHOLE WORLD KNOW THAT HE WAS OUT OF THE CLOSET—AND PLANNG TO REMA CELIBATE FOR THE RT OF HIS ADULT LIFE. “IT SUCKS,” HE ADMTED THE VIO, A TONE CURLY CHEERFUL AND NTENT FOR A LLEGE JUNR WHO HAD JT SWORN OFF SEX FOREVER. BUT FOR HAL, AN UNRGRADUATE AT BRIGHAM YOUNG UNIVERSY, HIS YOUTUBE POST WAS THE GATEWAY TO PEACE OF MD, HIS BT ATTEMPT TO BE OUT AND PROUD WHILE REMAG MTED TO THE MORMON CHURCH. WHEN I SPEAK TO HAL, NOW 26 AND ABOUT TO GRADUATE OM BYU, HIS VOICE RADIAT WH THE POLE OPTIMISM THAT MORMONS ARE KNOWN FOR. THE UPBEAT PNEER SPIR THAT IS SO VALUED A MUNY WHOSE FOUNDATN WAS LAID AS BRIGHAM YOUNG LED THE FAHFUL TO UTAH THE MID-19TH CENTURY SURG THROUGH HAL. IT NEVER FAS, EVEN AS HE TALKS ABOUT HIS CISN TO BE PLETELY CELIBATE SO HE N STILL REMA GOOD STANDG AT BYU AND, MORE IMPORTANTLY, WH THE CHURCH OF J CHRIST OF LATTER-DAY SATS (LDS).“BEE THIS IS SOMETHG I DIDN’T FLICT,” HE TCH HIMSELF FOR G A WORD THAT NOT PA AND NEGATIVY, “NOT FLICT—CHOOSE—I FEEL GOD WILL TAKE RE OF ME.”THOUGH HAL’S FAH STAS HIM, HE ADMS THAT AT A ST. INSTEAD OF CELEBRATG HIS HOMOSEXUALY, HE SE AS A TT OF WILL, A JOB-LIKE EXPERIENCE IMPOSED BY THE ALMIGHTY. “GOD ALLOWS HARD, BAD THGS TO HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE ALL THE TIME HISTORY. THERE WERE WARS. RIGHTEO PEOPLE ARE KILLED BY EVIL PEOPLE, NOT TO PARE HOMOSEXUALY TO BEG SLA,” HE SAYS. “I DON’T KNOW WHY GOD ALLOWS [HOMOSEXUALY] TO HAPPEN. I DON’T GET MAD. IN MY MD, IS NOTHG NEW.” BY EMBRACG CELIBACY, HAL IS EMBARKG UPON ONE OF THE ONLY SANCTNED PATHS FOR LGBT STUNTS AT BYU. THE MORMON CHURCH IS KNOWN FOR S AGGRSIVE ANTI-HOMOSEXUAL VIEWS. (IN)FAMOLY, WAS A CRIL SOURCE OF SUPPORT FOR CALIFORNIA’S PROPOSN 8 BANNG GAY MARRIAGE. AT THE ANNUAL LDS GENERAL CONFERENCE THIS YEAR, NEIL L. ANRSEN, AN ELR THE QUOM OF TWELVE APOSTL, ONE OF THE TOP ERNG BODI THE MORMON CHURCH, STRSED THAT “WHILE MANY ERNMENTS AND WELL-MEANG DIVIDUALS HAVE REFED MARRIAGE, THE LORD HAS NOT.”AS SEVERE AS THIS STANCE ON SAME-SEX MARRIAGE IS, THE FACT THAT THE MORMON MUNY EVEN REGNIZ GAY MEMBERS IS A HUGE STEP FORWARD. UP UNTIL 2007, THE BYU HONOR CO MA PERMISSIBLE FOR STUNTS TO BE EXPELLED IF THEY ME OUT OF THE CLOSET. THE HONOR CO IS A FORMAL LIST OF L THAT STUNTS, FACULTY, AND OTHER ADMISTRATORS MT SIGN AND AGREE TO FOLLOW AS LONG AS THEY ARE AFFILIATED WH BYU. IT CLUS A WI RANGE OF STIPULATNS ON PERSONAL BEHAVR, SUCH AS G “CLEAN LANGUAGE” AND LIVG “A CHASTE AND VIRTUO LIFE.” IT APPLI TO LIFE ON AND OFF MP. THERE IS ALSO A SEPARATE HONOR CO OFFICE THAT EVALUAT DIFFERENT PUNISHMENTS WHEN STUNTS AND FACULTY ARE ACCED OF VLATG THE L.BERTA MARQUEZ, WHO TRANSFERRED TO BYU 2001, SAYS SHE NEVER ME OUT BEE THE HONOR CO OFFICE “ULD AFFECT YOU IF YOU WANTED TO TRANSFER. YOUR AMIC OFFICE ULD HOLD ONTO YOUR RERDS AND REFE TO GIVE THEM TO ANOTHER SCHOOL.” KENDALL WILX, A BYU GRADUATE AND FORMER FACULTY MEMBER, SAID THAT WHEN HE WAS A STUNT THE 1990S, THE HONOR CO “WAS BROADLY APPLIED TO A LOT OF DIFFERENT S, OM STUNTS WHO SAID, ‘HECK WH THIS, I'M GAY,’ ALL THE WAY UP TO PROFSORS WHO HAD LGBT CHILDREN THEY WERE OPENLY SUPPORTIVE OF. SOME WERE FORCED TO EARLY RETIREMENT BEE OF .” WHEN ASKED ABOUT THIS HISTORY, CARRI JENKS, THE SPOKPERSON FOR THE UNIVERSY, SAID AN EMAIL, “I AM NOT AWARE OF THIS.”IT WASN’T UNTIL 2010 THAT ADMISTRATORS REMOVED THE PROHIBN AGAST “ADVOCY OF HOMOSEXUAL BEHAVR” OM THE HONOR CO. BEFORE THAT, THE HONOR CO STATED “ADVOCY OF HOMOSEXUAL BEHAVR IS APPROPRIATE AND VLAT THE HONOR CO.... ADVOCY CLUS SEEKG TO FLUENCE OTHERS TO ENGAGE HOMOSEXUAL BEHAVR OR PROMOTG HOMOSEXUAL RELATNS AS BEG MORALLY ACCEPTABLE.” THE CURRENT POLICY THE HONOR CO STAT “SAME-GENR ATTRACTN IS NOT AN HONOR CO ISSUE,” MAKG EXPLIC THAT STUNTS WILL NOT BE KICKED OUT FOR G OUT. HOWEVER, THE REVISN ALSO MAK CLEAR THAT ANY SORT OF SAME-SEX AFFECTN IS STILL GROUNDS FOR EXPULSN: “HOMOSEXUAL BEHAVR IS APPROPRIATE AND VLAT THE HONOR CO. HOMOSEXUAL BEHAVR CLUS NOT ONLY SEXUAL RELATNS BETWEEN MEMBERS OF THE SAME SEX, BUT ALL FORMS OF PHYSIL TIMACY THAT GIVE EXPRSN TO HOMOSEXUAL FEELGS.”MANY LGBT STUNTS AT BYU STILL TAKE OFFENSE AT THE HONOR CO RTRICTN FOR VAR REASONS. ONE OF THE FIRST PROBLEMS IS WH THE LANGUAGE SELF OF “SAME-GENR ATTRACTN.” CARY, WHO GRADUATED OM BYU 2011, EXPLAS THAT “LDS CHURCH LEARS ARE UNSELED WHEN THEY SPEAK WH YOUNG MEN AND WOMEN WHO ARE GAY TO HELP THEM MOVE AWAY OM LLG THEMSELV GAY OR LBIAN TO SAYG ‘I STGGLE WH SAME-GENR ATTRACTNS.’”CARY SAYS THE LANGUAGE CHOICE BOTH PATHOLOGIZ HOMOSEXUALY AND MAK SEEM TEMPORARY, LIKENG TO THE DOUBLPEAK GEE ORWELL’S 1984. “IT’S A 1984 WORD-MAKG-REALY THG BEE YOU’RE NOT TAKG ON AN ADJECTIVE. YOU’RE TAKG ON A NDN THAT’S CHANGEABLE. IT’S THE IA YOU WEREN’T CREATED THAT WAY OR ’S NOT IMMUTABLE.”CASE POT: WHEN THE LDS CHURCH IALLY SENT BYU STUNTS AN ONLE SURVEY ON MILLENNIAL SEX HABS LAST MONTH, THE SALT LAKE TRIBUNE REPORTED, THERE WAS NO LGBT OPTN. INSTEAD, THERE WAS ONLY “I AM HETEROSEXUAL, BUT I STGGLE WH SAME-SEX ATTRACTN.” THE NEXT WEEK, THE SURVEY WAS RE-SENT WH THE QUTN “DO YOU EXPERIENCE SAME-SEX ATTRACTN,” ORR TO “BETTER NVEY THE TENT OF THE QUTN," LDS CHURCH SPOKPERSON JSI MOODY TOLD THE PAPER.IT’S FOR THIS REASON THAT G OUT OF THE CLOSET IS OFTEN A TWO-PART PROCS FOR LGBT MORMONS. THE FIRST IS ADMTG YOU “SUFFER” OM SAME-SEX ATTRACTN. DURG THIS STAGE, “PEOPLE OFTEN ARE VERY WARM,” SAYS CARY. “THAT’S THE NORM. THEY SAY, ‘WE’LL HELP YOU THROUGH THIS.’”THE SEND IS ACTUALLY ACCEPTG BEG LGBT. “I HAD TO E OUT A SEND TIME. ‘NO, MOM AND DAD, I’M ACTUALLY GAY AND DATE BOYS AND WILL HOPEFULLY MARRY ONE SOME DAY,’” RELLS CARY. “THAT WAS A MUCH HARR G OUT. THE FIRST OFTEN SERV AS A BUFFER TO THE SEND.”IT’S NOT JT THAT BYU TREATS HOMOSEXUALY AS A TEMPORARY NDN. SAM (NOT HIS REAL NAME), WHO IS CURRENTLY A STUNT AT BYU, SAYS HE’S BOTHERED THAT THE HONOR CO RC LGBT STUNTS TO THEIR SEXUAL BEHAVR. “IT IS SIMPLISTIC TO VIEW HOMOSEXUALY THAT WAY, TO SAY THAT I’M ONLY GAY WHEN I’M MTG A HOMOSEXUAL ACT,” HE TELLS ME. “I BREATHE GAY. I’M NEVER NOT GAY. BUT APPARENTLY, WHEN I DO SOMETHG SEXUAL, BYU DRAWS THE LE. I’M MORE THAN MY SEXUAL URG.”SAM OM A LONG LE OF GAY MORMONS. HIS GREAT-UNCLE, WHO HAS NEVER SELF-INTIFIED AS GAY BUT WHO SAM BELIEV IS, LIV A CELIBATE LIFE MTED TO THE CHURCH. HIS NT MARRIED A GAY MORMON, AND THEY LIVED A MIXED-ORIENTATN MARRIAGE, WHICH IS WHEN A HETEROSEXUAL AND A HOMOSEXUAL PERSON MARRY, BEFORE EVENTUALLY DIVORCG. HIS UNCLE, WHO HAD E OUT AS OPENLY GAY, DIED OF AN OVERDOSE AFTER YEARS OF STGGLG WH SUBSTANCE ABE. SAM SAID THAT HE “PERSONALLY BELIEV THAT ISSU SURROUNDG HIS SEXUALY AND HIS EXPERIENCE AS A GAY MORMON LED HIM TO MANY OF THE SUBSTANCE PROBLEMS AND PRSN SPELLS THAT DRAMATILLY HURT HIS QUALY OF LIFE AND ULTIMATELY LED TO HIS PREMATURE ATH.”SAM SAID ONE OF HIS BIGGT DISAPPOTMENTS WH THE BYU ADMISTRATN IS HOW LTLE DO TO SUPPORT AND PROTECT THE LGBT MUNY, PECIALLY SCE THE POPULATN IS SO VULNERABLE TO SUICI ATTEMPTS. “IT BRGS ME PA TO SAY THERE’S A HISTORY OF GAY STUNTS MTG SUICI BEE OF THEIR TREATMENT HERE. PEOPLE SAY THIS IS A CHRISTIAN MUNY, BUT TURNS A BLD EYE TO STUNTS’ NEEDS BEE THEY’RE GAY. IT IS A HUGE FAILG OF THE CULTURE,” HE SAYS. BYU HAS FIRMLY DISAGREED WH THIS ASSSMENT OF THE UNIVERSY. “THIS IS ABSOLUTELY NOT TE,” JENKS SAID. “BYU IS FORTUNATE TO HAVE LOTED RIGHT THE MIDDLE OF MP OUR STUNT UNSELG CENTER WHERE STUNTS N RECEIVE EE UNSELG. FOR EMERGENCI, AN ON-LL UNSELOR IS AVAILABLE 24-7. THE UNSELORS ARE ALL TRAED AND CERTIFIED THERAPISTS WHO N PROVI PROFSNAL UNSELG TO STUNTS WHO MAY BE STGGLG WH SUICI AND PRSN.”A NUMBER OF THE STUNTS TERVIEWED FOR THIS ARTICLE DID PRAISE THE UNSELG CENTER, THOUGH SAID WAS A UNSELOR “ROULETTE” PENDG ON WHETHER YOU SAW SOMEONE WHO WAS MORE HOSPABLE TO LGBT ISSU. TYLER, WHO GRADUATED OM BYU APRIL, SAID, “I HAD A UPLE OF EXPERIENC WHERE THE UNSELOR WANTED TO HELP ME SE I CID TO DATE WOMEN AND HOW I ULD FOC ON THAT PART OF MYSELF. THAT WAS A LTLE TOO CLOSE TO THE CHANGE SI FOR MY TASTE.” AT THE SAME TIME, ONE OF THE UNSELORS HE SAW HELPED HIM FEEL NFINT ENOUGH TO ULTIMATELY E OUT. “BEFORE I EVEN ACCEPTED, HE SAID YOU KNOW ’S OKAY TO BE GAY AND MANY PEOPLE WHO ARE GAY LEAD HAPPY LIV.” ADAM WHE, WHO ALSO GRADUATED THIS APRIL, SAID HE WAS GRATEFUL FOR THE UNSELG SERVIC, EVEN THOUGH HE WAS SENT TO GROUPS FOR “PEOPLE STGGLG WH PORNOGRAPHY AND MASTURBATN ISSU” WHEN HE REVEALED HIS HOMOSEXUAL FEELGS. “I HEAR THEY N’T REMEND LGBT-AFFIRMG ROURC. IT PENDS ON WHO YOU GET,” HE SAID. HOWEVER, WHILE STUNTS REPORT MIXED LEVELS OF SUCCS WH SPECIFILLY BYU’S UNSELG, EVERY PERSON TERVIEWED FOR THIS ARTICLE SAID SUICI WAS A MAJOR PROBLEM PLAGUG THE LGBT MUNY AT BYU. ALTHOUGH THERE ARE NO STATISTICS ON SUICI AT BYU SPECIFILLY, UTAH HAS THE NATN’S HIGHT PREVALENCE OF SUICIDAL THOUGHTS AMONG ADULTS, ACRDG TO A 2011 REPORT OM THE CENTERS FOR DISEASE CONTROL. SUICI IS ALSO THE SEND-LEADG E OF ATH AMONG PEOPLE AG 10-17 AND 18-24.“I WOULD SAY 90 PERCENT OF LGBT MEMBERS HAS VERY SERLY NTEMPLATED SUICI, AND CLOSE TO HALF HAVE ATTEMPTED SOME RANGE OR FORM AS A CRY FOR HELP,” SAYS TYLER. WHEN HE FIRST REALIZED THAT HE WAS GAY, HE SAYS, HE PLANNED TO KILL HIMSELF. “I REMEMBER THKG, ‘OKAY, THIS IS THE WEEKEND I’M JT GOG TO END . THIS IS THE TIME.’ I WAS SO NFINT, SO SURE I DIDN’T WANT TO LIVE ANYMORE RATHER THAN FACE EVERYONE WH MY REALY,” HE TELLS ME.HE BELIEV THAT BEE SUICI IS SUCH A SER VLATN THE LDS CHURCH (AS IS MANY RELIGNS), MOST STUNTS ARE “NOT WILLG TO MAKE THE ATTEMPT A VERY FAL ONE.” STILL, SELF-HARM IS VERY MON, HE SAYS. “IT’S GENERAL KNOWLEDGE, OM CUTTG TO G PILLS.” HE THEN RELLS AN UNFORTABLY MATTER-OF-FACT WAY, “I HAVE A IEND WHO DID HANG HIMSELF BUT HE WAS FOUND. I FOT ABOUT THAT.”WILX ALSO SAID HE WENT THROUGH PERDS OF WHAT HE LLS “SUICI IATN.” THOUGH HE REGNIZED HIS HOMOSEXUALY AS A STUNT THE 1990S, WASN’T UNTIL 2011, WHEN HE WAS ALREADY PART OF THE BYU FACULTY, THAT HE ME OUT OF THE CLOSET. WILX SAYS HE HAD BEEN “WORKG TO PRAY THE GAY AWAY.” IN FACT, ONE OF THE REASONS HE JOED THE SCHOOL’S BROADSTG PARTMENT WAS “TO FULLY VT MYSELF THE E OF THE CHURCH ORR TO SEQUTER MYSELF AWAY OM THE WORLD AND KEEP MYSELF CLEAN AND EE OF TEMPTATN.” BY THE SUMMER OF 2011, AFTER HIS OWN PERSONAL RECKONG, ALONG WH SEEG A SPATE OF WELL-PUBLICIZED LGBT SUICIS, WILX FELT PELLED TO E OUT. HE ALSO KNEW THAT UNR THE REVISED HONOR CO (WHICH FACULTY MEMBERS ALSO HAVE TO ABI BY) HE ULD NOT BE FIRED FOR .BY NOVEMBER 2011, THE SALT LAKE TRIBUNE REPORTED THAT WILX HAD BEEN FIRED ANYWAY. BYU ADAMANTLY NIED THAT HIS DISMISSAL HAD ANYTHG TO DO WH HIS SEXUALY. AT THE TIME HE WAS FIRED, WILX REFED TO SAY WAS BEE HE WAS GAY. IN FACT, HE ACTIVELY ENURAGED PEOPLE NOT TO SEE “AS ONE MORE EXAMPLE OF STUTNALIZED HOMOPHOBIA ON THE PART OF BYU OR THE CHURCH.” OVER TWO YEARS LATER, THOUGH, WILX SAYS, “THERE WERE SO MANY ISSU THAT HAD NOTHG TO DO WH MY SEXUALY, BUT MY SEXUALY WAS NOW ONE OF THE LAYERS. IT WASN’T ONLY BEE I WAS GAY, BUT THE FACT I WAS GAY PLAYED TO MY BEG FIRED.”AS WILX’S SE SHOWS, SPE THE CHANG TO THE BYU HONOR CO, SOME STUNTS SAY BEG OUT IS STILL A HUGE LIABILY. IT LEAV LGBT UNRGRADS ALL THE MORE VULNERABLE BEE, STUNTS SAY, THERE IS A CULTURE AT BYU THAT ENURAG STUNTS TO SPY ON THEIR PEERS. “EVEN IF YOU’RE WILLG TO SAY [YOU’RE GAY] ’S DANGERO SELF BEE THEN YOU HAVE ADD THE PRSURE OF PEOPLE LOOKG AT YOU TO SEE WHETHER YOU'RE FOLLOWG THE CHURCH’S TES,” SAYS TYLER.TYLER SAID THAT THREE OF HIS LGBT IENDS LIVED WH ONE STRAIGHT MORMON, WHO ULTIMATELY REPORTED THEM TO BYU’S HONOR CO OFFICE. THE ONLY REASON THEY WEREN’T EXPELLED, TYLER SAYS, WAS BEE ONE OF THE THREE ATTEND NEARBY UTAH VALLEY UNIVERSY, WHICH DO NOT HAVE THE SAME PROHIBNS ON HOMOSEXUALY. THE TWO BYU STUNTS HAD TO “PUT ALL THE BLAME ON HIM.” IN ANOTHER SE, TYLER CLAIMS, THE EX-BOYIEND OF A STUNT AT BYU GOT REVENGE BY REPORTG HIM TO THE HONOR CO. “THE EX-BOYIEND SENT PICTUR AND ALL SORTS OF THGS TO THE HONOR CO AND GOT HIM KICKED OUT,” SAYS TYLER. “HE HAD ONE SEMTER LEFT, A GREAT GPA, AND HE WAS KICKED OUT BEE HIS BOYIEND WHO WASN’T GOG TO BYU GOT REVENGE.” REGARDG THE CINT, JENKS SAID, “BEE HONOR CO MATTERS ARE NFINTIAL, I WOULD NOT HAVE ANY RMATN ABOUT THE SUATN YOU HAVE MENTNED HERE.”STUNTS TERVIEWED FOR THIS ARTICLE SAY THAT BYU’S HONOR CO IS SO FLUENTIAL THAT EVEN PROVO MUNY MEMBERS ARE AWARE OF THE SAME-SEX STIPULATNS AND ENFORCE THEM. WHE, WHO GRADUATED THIS APRIL, RELLED HOW HIS PLANS TO MOVE TO AN OFF-MP APARTMENT ALONG WH SOME OTHER LGBT IENDS WERE THWARTED BEE A STRAIGHT STUNT JOKED ABOUT THEIR SEXUAL ORIENTATN ONT OF THE LANDLORD. THE LANDLORD, SAYS WHE, PULLED HIS IEND ASI AND TOLD HIM, “YOU KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOG, I DON’T WANT TO GET TROUBLE.” THE HOG DISCRIMATN OPENED WHE’S EY TO WHAT HE SAYS ARE THE ON-THE-GROUND PROBLEMS WH BYU’S TREATMENT OF THE LGBT MUNY. “THAT EVEN HAVG LGBT STUNTS LIVG THE SAME APARTMENT TOGETHER ED A LANDLORD TO SAY, ‘I DON'T WANT ANY TROUBLE,’ IS VERY DISTURBG. MAYBE SHE EVEN WAS AN ACCEPTG DIVIDUAL, BUT THERE WERE STUTNAL PROBLEMS.”BEE LGBT STUNTS SAY THEY NEED TO REMA GUARD EVEN AMONG THEIR PEERS, THEY VELOP THEIR OWN WAYS OF SOCIALIZG AND DATG UNR THE RADAR. JT AS VERT BUT VIBRANT GAY SOCIAL SCEN VELOPED CI ACROSS AMERI WHEN HOMOSEXUALY WAS STILL A CRIME, THE LGBT STUNTS AT BYU HAVE CREATED THEIR OWN SPAC AND WAYS OF MUNITG. “BYU HAS A OL LTLE SCENE WH THE GAY KIDS AND THE ATHEIST KIDS AND THE PROMISCUO GIRLS. IT’S A LTLE ALTERNATIVE UNRGROUND,” SAYS CARY. IN FACT FOR HIM, THE SECRET SCENE WAS S OWN SILVER LG TO BEG GAY AT BYU. “EVERYTHG IS MORE FUN WHEN ’S AGAST THE L.”TYLER AGREED THAT THE VERT NATURE OF THE LGBT SCENE AT BYU HAS HAD S UPSHOTS. “ON A POSIVE NOTE, ’S BEEN A WILD RI THAT MAK YOU FEEL LIKE A DIFFERENT, DISSINT ANIZATN,” HE SAYS. “IT’S LIKE FIGHT CLUB. YOU DON'T TALK ABOUT EVER.” HE’S LEARNED TO NAVIGATE WHO IS SAFE TO BE OPEN WH BY WHAT HE LLS “DROPPG HAIRPS,” GIVG HTS ABOUT HIS SEXUALY OR THE LGBT MUNY TO SEE IF SOMEONE REGNIZ THEM.“IF I’M TRYG TO FIGURE OUT IF SOMEONE IS GAY, YOU N SAY PHRAS THAT TEND TO ONLY BE ED BY LGBT PEOPLE OR REALLY GAY GUYS SUCH AS ‘HOT MS,’” HE EXPLAS. “OR YOU TALK ABOUT YOUR HAIRSTYLIST. ‘ME’S SIERRA. SHE’S FANTASTIC.’ EVERYONE GO TO SHEP STUD [A HAIR SALON PROVO, UTAH]. THERE ARE ALSO CLUBS SALT LAKE.”BUT THERE ARE DANGERS TO THE LGBT UNRGROUND SCENE, AS WELL. ACRDG TO LGBT STUNTS, THE PROVO-AREA POLICE ARE OFTEN NO MORE HOSPABLE TO PHYSIL EXPRSNS OF HOMOSEXUALY THAN THE BYU ADMISTRATN. SCE LGBT STUNTS N BE EXPELLED FOR HUGGG OR KISSG SOMEONE OF THE SAME SEX, THEY ARE FORCED TO TAKE THEIR DISPLAYS OF AFFECTN OFF MP.“I DIDN’T REALLY HAVE ANYWHERE I ULD MAKE OUT, AND MY BOYIEND AND I WENT OUT TO A PARK,” CARY RELLED. “A POLICE OFFICER UGHT , AND HE MA E OUT WHOUT OUR CLOTH BEE HE SAID HE WANTED TO SEE OUR HANDS. HE SAID WE WOULD BE REGISTERED AS SEX OFFENRS. I WAS AAID HE’D TURN TO THE HONOR CO. ANOTHER POLICE OFFICER ME AND TOOK MY LICENSE. HE SAID IF I EVER ME BACK TO THE PARK, THEY'D NSIR ME A SEX OFFENR.” CARY AND HIS THEN-BOYIEND NEVER RETURNED TO THAT PARK.WH ALL OF THE TRATNS AND DANGERS BOTH ON AND OFF THE BYU MP, SOME LGBT STUNTS HAVE TRIED ADVOTG FOR CHANGE THROUGH USGA, UNRSTANDG SAME GENR ATTRACTN. THOUGH NOT OFFICIALLY REGNIZED BY BYU, THE GROUP WAS PERMTED TO MEET ON MP WHEN STARTED 2010 AS “A PLACE FOR OPEN, RPECTFUL DISCSNS ON THE TOPIC OF SAME-GENR ATTRACTN.” AT S PEAK, THE GROUP DREW 100 MEMBERS TO S WEEKLY MEETGS AND WAS A VANGUARD FOR LGBT ADVOCY. BUT DECEMBER 2012, BYU ASKED THE GROUP TO NO LONGER HOLD MEETGS ON MP. JENKS PLETELY DISPUT THIS CLAIM, STATG HER EMAIL, “I AM NOT AWARE THAT ANYONE AT THE UNIVERSY TOLD THE GROUP THEY NEED TO MOVE THEIR MEETGS OFF-MP AND, FACT, I HAD THE IMPRSN THAT WAS THE GROUP’S CISN TO MOVE THEIR MEETGS OFF-MP.”HOWEVER, WHE, THE PRINT OF USGA OM 2012 TO 2014, SAID THE GROUP WAS ASKED NOT TO HOLD MEETGS ON MP, WHICH WAS NFIRMED BY EVERY STUNT TERVIEWED FOR THIS ARTICLE AND WILX, A FORMER FACULTY MEMBER. THE GROUP’S REMOVAL OM MP IS STILL SPECT TO SOME OF S FORMER MEMBERS. WILX, WHO WAS ACTIVE USGA WHEN HE WAS PART OF THE BYU FACULTY, SAYS “A GROUP OF NCERNED MUNY MEMBERS BEGAN A YEAR-LONG MPAIGN AND WORKED ON ADMISTRATIVE LEARS TO SHUT DOWN.” MORE SPECIFILLY, TYLER BELIEV WAS NOT A CISN OM ADMISTRATORS AS MUCH AS “OM THOSE HIGH UP WH THE CHURCH” WHO WERE NCERNED WAS BEG TOO VOL. “USGA WAS ON THE VERGE OF BEG POTENTIALLY QUE A POWERFUL VOICE AND ULD HAVE BEEN GARNERG A LOT OF NATNAL ATTENTN,” HE SAYS.ALTHOUGH USGA STILL OPERAT, MANY LGBT UNRGRADS FEEL WENT DOWN HILL AFTER AN IAL BUILDUP. NOW, S OFF-MP VERSN, TYLER IS DISAPPOTED WH WHAT USGA HAS BEE. “IT’S A LOT ABOUT, ‘WHAT IS THIS NFLICT BETWEEN ME AND THE CHURCH,’” HE SAYS.“WE FELT THERE WASN'T ENOUGH SENSE OF ‘I’M HAPPY TO BE GAY AND LGBT, AND THIS IS WHAT’S SO GREAT ABOUT .’”THE ADMISTRATN’S REMOVAL OF USGA WAS ONE OF THE FAL MEASUR THAT TGHT TYLER AND HIS PEERS TO NOT BOTHER FIGHTG FOR CHANGE ON BYU’S MP. “FOR ME AND MY IENDS, THERE’S FELY A LEARNED HELPLSNS THAT HAS EMERGED,” HE SAYS. “OVER THE URSE OF THE TIME I’VE BEEN HERE, WE HAVE BEEN BEATEN DOWN SO MANY TIM. WE ALMOST HAD TO LEARN OUR PLACE WHAT WE ULD AND ULD NOT SAY AND WHAT WE HAD TO BE SILENT ON.”HIS ONLY SALVE HAS BEEN UNTG DOWN THE DAYS UNTIL GRADUATN. “I’VE JT WORKED AND MA MYSELF AS BY AS POSSIBLE TO GET OUT OF HERE. AT SOME TIME YOU FEEL THERE IS NOTHG YOU N DO EXCEPT TO GET OUT OF THIS PLACE. IT JT KILLS YOUR SPIR. YOU DON’T FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE A VOICE ANYMORE.”EVEN WHE, USGA’S FORMER PRINT, IS PROUD OF THE LGBT WORK HE HAS DONE AT BYU, BUT SAYS HE ALSO FEELS BEATEN DOWN. “WOULD I DO [LEAD USGA] AGA? I DON’T THK I WOULD. WH A LOT OF MY OWN PERSONAL ANXIETY AND PRSN ISSU THAT HAVE STEMMED OM THIS MUNY, I HAVE KEPT OM ALG WH BY SERVG OTHERS. IT’S BEEN QUE EXHSTG, AND I DON’T THK I’D PUT MYSELF THROUGH AGA.”OUT OF ALL THE PEOPLE TERVIEWED, WHE HAD THE MOST POSIVE THGS TO SAY ABOUT HIS EXPERIENC WH THE BYU ADMISTRATN—YET EVEN HE SAYS HE WOULDN’T NECSARILY ENDORSE THE SCHOOL AS A GOOD CHOICE FOR LGBT MORMONS. “I GET ASKED BY PEOPLE WHO ARE LGBT MORMONS, ‘SHOULD I GO TO BYU?’ I SAY, IF YOU HAVE A REAL PASSN FOR ADVOCY AND YOU WANT TO DO REAL WORK AND FIGHT THAT UPHILL BATTLE, E BE WH . BUT, IF THAT ISN’T YOUR CUP OF TEA, IF YOU FEEL YOU’RE MAYBE TOO VULNERABLE RIGHT NOW, I WOULD SUGGT GOG TO ANOTHER UNIVERSY.” EY SHIRE

JIMMY HAL, GAY MORMON, COM OUT TO FAY, RERDS THEIR REACTNS IN AMAZG CLIP (VIDEO)

An openly gay Mormon ed to be somethg of a unirn, but one young man's proud g out vio is a statement to the Lee Hal, a Mormon stunt at Brigham Young Universy, me out to his fay and iends a touchg, five-mute YouTube vio that has already been watched more than 100, 000 Mormons exist, Hal says the vio, but n be a lonely existence.

Slate not that the past, Mormon doctre on homosexualy has been fairly nservative, but the new Mormon Church webse -- as well as several high-profile g-out stori -- may signal a shift church an extensive blog post, Hal wr that 's clear that the realizatn and g-out procs is still a plited one for vout he revealed the news to his bishop, the man replied, "That sucks.

In April 2012, an unofficial club on mp lled USGA (Unrstandg Same-genr Attractn) released an “It Gets Better” YouTube vio that nsisted of several BYU stunts g out as gay. I felt was time to te my Mormon iends and saw an opportuny to raise awarens about fahful gay Mormons, so off to my humble YouTube channel I went. But then, the midst of those very days, the LDS church announced a new Web se, The new se didn’t change the church’s teachg on sexualy and marriage as between a man and a woman, but did enurage our members to talk about sexualy and wele s gay members.

WATCH A GAY MORMON COME OUT TO FRIENDS, FAY

Before, one would have to go diggg to fd any official church publitn regardg gays the Church of J Christ of Latter-day Sats. Some Mormon relativ of me have said that they still hope that I marry a woman, even though the church has officially stated they don’t enurage gay members to marry someone of the oppose sex. A uple months ago, the Mormon Church lnched the webse, which adopts a more nciliatory tone toward gay men and women than many church lears have ed the past.

GAY MORMON PTUR YEARLONG G-OUT ON VIO

In the past, gay Mormons have been ostracized and enuraged to “bee straight, ” but the last year, a handful of gay Mormons have very publicly clared their tentns to live as both gay and Mormon. Try beg a gay Mormon': Relig llege stunt reveals vio of the moment he me out to all his iends and relatnsMormon Jimmy Hal filmed himself g out to iends and fay Vio shows seri of revealg, and sometim funny, rponsAs a Mormon, he will have to stay sgle for the rt of his life Published: 14:35 BST, 21 Febary 2013 | Updated: 16:46 BST, 21 Febary 2013 For some gay people, g out to iends and fay n be regard as one of the harst thgs to image the thought of g out when you're a member of the Church of J Christ of Latter-Day Sats, which nsirs actg on same-sex attractn a Jimmy Hal, a stunt at Brigham Young Universy, Utah, was faced wh such a proposn, he cid to film the reactns of his loved on as he told DOWN FOR VIDEO Comg out: Mormon Jimmy Hal filmed his fay and iends as he told them he was gay Relig: Jimmy, a stunt at Brigham Young Universy, posted the vio, which featur some hilar reactns, onle this week Rponse: His mother Tracy looks que surprised when he tells her of his sexualy The rultg vio offers some hilar moments, as he reveals he is gay to astonished, and sometim unbelievg, iends and he stat his onle blog, A Good Life, the rpons he received were posive, but the realy of beg a homosexual Mormon means he will have to stay forever the church do not nsir same-sex attractn self a s, believ is a s to act on that attractn. 'Elsewhere he receiv shocked reactns om his sister and a number of iends, as well as one flatmate who tak a while to believe his onle blog, Jimmy wr: 'At this pot, me beg gay not such a big al to me or those close around me.

Happy: Jimmy's missn pann Jonny tells him 'I'm ok wh that' 'Give me a sec': And llege iend Janelle needs to take a send to let the news sk when Jimmy tells her he is gay 'Every Mormon I've e out to has been awome. ”A ncise and phy asssment of the don’t speak about his celibacy at length the vio – other than to ask that people be kd, as “ gay Mormons are already very lonely” – but he also appeared recently on Amerin televisn program Say Anythg!, to talk about how his sexualy exists wh his reports:“The whole beg celibate and openly gay thg don’t s well wh a lot of people, ” Hal told Say Anythg gut host Nancy Gil.

'THK BEG GAY IS HARD? TRY BEG A GAY MORMON': RELIG LLEGE STUNT JIMMY HAL REVEALS VIO OF THE MOMENT HE ME OUT TO ALL HIS IENDS AND RELATNS

“We’ve never had someone e out and say, ‘I’m mormon, I’m gay, and I’m gog to stick to the mandments the Church teach…’” –Jimmy Hal, gay Mormon and YouTube celebry. In that terview and his blogpost on the experience, Hal elaborat an iology of gay Mormonism that is not only quirky (for a gay person to hold, that is) but also self-featg and even dangero. I’ve never pot-blank nied my own sexualy to anyone (except, naturally, myself, early on); but then, neher have I ever acknowledged any words so straightforward as “I’m gay”.

” and rantg csantly about heteronormativy) and nial (as applyg the adjectiv “betiful”, “attractive”, and even, ocsnally, “hot” to a woman or disgenuoly claimg to have no “stake” the gay rights bate).

GAY MORMON OUT TO HIS MUNY. AND RERDS THEIR REACTNS.

That, on the one hand, I don’t want put my sexualy on trial the way I’m sure a full-sle g out would entail (“Are you sure you’re gay? A church that jt dug s heels re: “homosexual behavr” is gog to have a hard time pullg the reversal they will eventually have to (ntra Hal, startg at 12. In fact, spe of his plans not to marry a, um, “member of the oppose sex” (see the vio scriptn; also note “sex” not “genr”–I’m lookg at you, USGA), Jimmy Hal actually rembl Josh Weed que a b, whose siarly viral g-out story brought creased visibily to the “phenomenon” of gay Mormons while at the same time providg ammunn to those who only fd Church-sanctned rpons (eher lifelong celibacy or a mixed-orientatn marriage) remotely acceptable.

25, “I really embraced the fact that I was gay, and was me, and I’m awome” and then turn right around wh the claim that his bishop was “spired” to tell him his sexualy “sucks” (4. The gay Mormon who wish to assiate mt renounce those aspects of his inty he knows to be posive, those he may wardly celebrate: his ndn is acceptable only sofar as he acknowledg to be problematic–only sofar as “[] sucks”. As a further example of his outreach approach, Hal says, “ took me forever to e out to myself, and get on terms wh this I n’t image how hard would be for straight people who aren’t gay to get to the same terms I was on.

Washgton of the Mormon gay rights movement (such as is): jt get along, prove that you’re a valuable person by their standards and spe of your “ndn”, and maybe someday–thgs jt might get a ltle b better.

MORMON STUNT TELLS HIS FRIENDS AND FAY HE’S GAY AND FILMS THEIR REACTNS: VIDEO

If we n’t retreat to the fort of the Hal’ New Assiatnism (as I’m gog to ntue to ll )–which teach that gay people are jt normal people wh their particular burn to bear, that, if “reached out to” and “loved” properly (which sentially means, this ntext, forted orr to be ntrolled), won’t do the “stupid” (11.

But you see that, too, ms the fundamental error of celibacy advocy: through ’s dividualistic, do-your-own-thg premise, absolv the Church of any stutnal rponsibily to al wh gay people, and, nsequently, fails to nont the fact that the wispread existence of happy homosexuals fli the face of everythg that stutn’s lears have been teachg about them for the last fifty years. 05, hierarchy higher-ups have been sayg much much more than “very ltle, if any[thg]” about gay Mormons “prr to now”–’s jt all been extremely negative and unscientific and, y, bigoted [see The Miracle of Fivens, which remas prt, for one].

) It would be easy at this pot to give up, to say that there is (currently) no good–self-affirmg–way to be openly gay and actively Mormon. A realizatn of our mon bonds and our mon opprsn as gay Mormons is wh reach, and is that solidary–among ourselv first, and not wh the Church–that our liverance li. Oh y, to be gay this Church is to be alienated–om yourself, om the Church, om your own fay; om the hetero-romance they all expect you to be terted enactg.

GAY SOLIDARY AND JIMMY HAL

And when we do “go public”, the stance we need to take is to be better found the lyrics of Lady Gaga than the YouTube vios of Jimmy Hal: “there’s nothg wrong wh lovg who you are / ‘e He ma you perfect babe / so hold your head up girl and you’ll go far / […] don’t hi yourself regret / jt love yourself and your set” (emphasis me; I jt want you to note how appropriately Gaga emphasiz the need for public self-teem–for, que lerally, gay pri). ) Recently, Jimmy Hal (the gay Mormon who h the spotlight after filmg himself g out) shared this song, and the song took me down memory lane.

WE LOVE THE GAY MORMON

When I took Rsian urs and the topic of gay marriage me up, I never thought I’d be walkg down the streets of Alexandria wh a classmate and my hband. A uple months ago The Church of J Christ of Latter-day Sats me out wh an official church webse,, which adopts a more nciliatory tone toward gay men and women than many Latter-day Sats have heard the past. Official Church doctre has not changed, but the last year, a handful of gay Mormons have very publicly clared their tentns to live as both gay and Mormon.

Last year I wrote about a historic open fom at BYU wh a panel of gay members of the Church, and I believe that now more than ever the msage is loud and clear:.

THE SAD, CONFLICTED LIV OF AMERI'S GAY MORMONS

Posted In the News and tagged Brigham Young Universy, BYU, Comg Out, Gay, Gay Mormon Comg Out, Gay Mormon Rourc, Gay Mormons, Homosexual, It Gets Better, Jimmy Hal, Lbian, LGBT, Mormon, Mormons and Gays, Same Genr Attractn, Same Sex Attractn, SGA, SSA, Unrstandg Same Genr Attractn, USGA BYU, You Are Not Alone | Leave a ment. A man who ma major news by publishg a survey of hundreds of gay members of the Church of J Christ of Latter Day Sats now fac exmunitn for his advocy of same-sex Dehl, a doctoral stunt of clil and unselg psychology at Utah State Universy and LGBT activist, workg wh Bill Bradshaw, a retired profsor of molecular blogy at Brigham Young Universy, published a historic 1, 612-person survey of LGBT/same-sex attracted members of the Mormon church, producg statistics that further bolster the argument that, however plited human sexualy may be, "prayg away the gay" do more harm than good — and brgg a spoe along for the ri n be even more damagg. Married gay Mormons are three tim as likely to get study, bed wh Dehl's outspoken advocy, has led to the mencement of exmunitn proceedgs agast him on charg of apostasy for supportg same-sex marriage and the ordatn of told the New York Tim that his regnal church lear had schled a disciplary hearg later this month.

GAY MORMON RERDS G OUT TO IENDS AND FAY

More than 70% of LGBT or "same-sex attracted" — the term ed by those who acknowledge they are sexually and/or romantilly attracted to members of the same sex but don't intify as gay, lbian or bisexual — Mormons end up leavg the church, eher on their own voln or through exmunitn. The tactics ed reparative therapy — dismissed as dangero quackery by the Amerin Medil Associatn, the Amerin Psychiatric Associatn, the Amerin Psychologil Associatn and the Amerin Counselg Associatn, among many other medil and mental health anizatns — n range om masturbatory rendng and creative visualizatn to aversive treatments that pair electric shocks or nsea-ducg dgs wh the prentatn of homoerotic stimuli.

It surpass my skill wh words to scribe the sheer weight of cultural norms and relig dogma that driv gay men and women to heterosexual Mormon marriag.

GAY MORMON & CELIBATE + BREASTFEEDG AT CHURCH CREAT STIR

Hckley, the 15th print of the church, clared 1987 that "marriage should not be viewed as a theraptic step to solve problems such as homosexual clatns or practic, " he did subtly endorse reparative therapy by announcg that marriage would be attaable once an LDS member overme same-sex attractn "wh a firm and fixed termatn never to slip to such practic aga.

""There is talk of lifelong celibacy as an optn for gay men and women, " Fronk says, "but I have never heard of a succs story.

MORMON U. FORC GAYS TO BE CELIBATEOVER THE RABOWHOMOSEXUALY IS NO LONGER AN HONOR VLATN, BUT MORMON LGBT STUNTS SAY THEY HAVE FEW CHOIC BEYOND A CELIBATE LIFE OR A SECRET ONE.EY SHIREUPDATED JUL. 12, 2017 3:27PM EDT / PUBLISHED MAY 13, 2014 8:45AM EDT THE DAILY BEASTWHEN JIMMY HAL ME OUT, WAS TO AN DIENCE OF NEARLY 600,000 PEOPLE. IN FEBARY 2013, HE POSTED A YOUTUBE VIO TO LET THE WHOLE WORLD KNOW THAT HE WAS OUT OF THE CLOSET—AND PLANNG TO REMA CELIBATE FOR THE RT OF HIS ADULT LIFE. “IT SUCKS,” HE ADMTED THE VIO, A TONE CURLY CHEERFUL AND NTENT FOR A LLEGE JUNR WHO HAD JT SWORN OFF SEX FOREVER. BUT FOR HAL, AN UNRGRADUATE AT BRIGHAM YOUNG UNIVERSY, HIS YOUTUBE POST WAS THE GATEWAY TO PEACE OF MD, HIS BT ATTEMPT TO BE OUT AND PROUD WHILE REMAG MTED TO THE MORMON CHURCH. WHEN I SPEAK TO HAL, NOW 26 AND ABOUT TO GRADUATE OM BYU, HIS VOICE RADIAT WH THE POLE OPTIMISM THAT MORMONS ARE KNOWN FOR. THE UPBEAT PNEER SPIR THAT IS SO VALUED A MUNY WHOSE FOUNDATN WAS LAID AS BRIGHAM YOUNG LED THE FAHFUL TO UTAH THE MID-19TH CENTURY SURG THROUGH HAL. IT NEVER FAS, EVEN AS HE TALKS ABOUT HIS CISN TO BE PLETELY CELIBATE SO HE N STILL REMA GOOD STANDG AT BYU AND, MORE IMPORTANTLY, WH THE CHURCH OF J CHRIST OF LATTER-DAY SATS (LDS).“BEE THIS IS SOMETHG I DIDN’T FLICT,” HE TCH HIMSELF FOR G A WORD THAT NOT PA AND NEGATIVY, “NOT FLICT—CHOOSE—I FEEL GOD WILL TAKE RE OF ME.”THOUGH HAL’S FAH STAS HIM, HE ADMS THAT AT A ST. INSTEAD OF CELEBRATG HIS HOMOSEXUALY, HE SE AS A TT OF WILL, A JOB-LIKE EXPERIENCE IMPOSED BY THE ALMIGHTY. “GOD ALLOWS HARD, BAD THGS TO HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE ALL THE TIME HISTORY. THERE WERE WARS. RIGHTEO PEOPLE ARE KILLED BY EVIL PEOPLE, NOT TO PARE HOMOSEXUALY TO BEG SLA,” HE SAYS. “I DON’T KNOW WHY GOD ALLOWS [HOMOSEXUALY] TO HAPPEN. I DON’T GET MAD. IN MY MD, IS NOTHG NEW.” BY EMBRACG CELIBACY, HAL IS EMBARKG UPON ONE OF THE ONLY SANCTNED PATHS FOR LGBT STUNTS AT BYU. THE MORMON CHURCH IS KNOWN FOR S AGGRSIVE ANTI-HOMOSEXUAL VIEWS. (IN)FAMOLY, WAS A CRIL SOURCE OF SUPPORT FOR CALIFORNIA’S PROPOSN 8 BANNG GAY MARRIAGE. AT THE ANNUAL LDS GENERAL CONFERENCE THIS YEAR, NEIL L. ANRSEN, AN ELR THE QUOM OF TWELVE APOSTL, ONE OF THE TOP ERNG BODI THE MORMON CHURCH, STRSED THAT “WHILE MANY ERNMENTS AND WELL-MEANG DIVIDUALS HAVE REFED MARRIAGE, THE LORD HAS NOT.”AS SEVERE AS THIS STANCE ON SAME-SEX MARRIAGE IS, THE FACT THAT THE MORMON MUNY EVEN REGNIZ GAY MEMBERS IS A HUGE STEP FORWARD. UP UNTIL 2007, THE BYU HONOR CO MA PERMISSIBLE FOR STUNTS TO BE EXPELLED IF THEY ME OUT OF THE CLOSET. THE HONOR CO IS A FORMAL LIST OF L THAT STUNTS, FACULTY, AND OTHER ADMISTRATORS MT SIGN AND AGREE TO FOLLOW AS LONG AS THEY ARE AFFILIATED WH BYU. IT CLUS A WI RANGE OF STIPULATNS ON PERSONAL BEHAVR, SUCH AS G “CLEAN LANGUAGE” AND LIVG “A CHASTE AND VIRTUO LIFE.” IT APPLI TO LIFE ON AND OFF MP. THERE IS ALSO A SEPARATE HONOR CO OFFICE THAT EVALUAT DIFFERENT PUNISHMENTS WHEN STUNTS AND FACULTY ARE ACCED OF VLATG THE L.BERTA MARQUEZ, WHO TRANSFERRED TO BYU 2001, SAYS SHE NEVER ME OUT BEE THE HONOR CO OFFICE “ULD AFFECT YOU IF YOU WANTED TO TRANSFER. YOUR AMIC OFFICE ULD HOLD ONTO YOUR RERDS AND REFE TO GIVE THEM TO ANOTHER SCHOOL.” KENDALL WILX, A BYU GRADUATE AND FORMER FACULTY MEMBER, SAID THAT WHEN HE WAS A STUNT THE 1990S, THE HONOR CO “WAS BROADLY APPLIED TO A LOT OF DIFFERENT S, OM STUNTS WHO SAID, ‘HECK WH THIS, I'M GAY,’ ALL THE WAY UP TO PROFSORS WHO HAD LGBT CHILDREN THEY WERE OPENLY SUPPORTIVE OF. SOME WERE FORCED TO EARLY RETIREMENT BEE OF .” WHEN ASKED ABOUT THIS HISTORY, CARRI JENKS, THE SPOKPERSON FOR THE UNIVERSY, SAID AN EMAIL, “I AM NOT AWARE OF THIS.”IT WASN’T UNTIL 2010 THAT ADMISTRATORS REMOVED THE PROHIBN AGAST “ADVOCY OF HOMOSEXUAL BEHAVR” OM THE HONOR CO. BEFORE THAT, THE HONOR CO STATED “ADVOCY OF HOMOSEXUAL BEHAVR IS APPROPRIATE AND VLAT THE HONOR CO.... ADVOCY CLUS SEEKG TO FLUENCE OTHERS TO ENGAGE HOMOSEXUAL BEHAVR OR PROMOTG HOMOSEXUAL RELATNS AS BEG MORALLY ACCEPTABLE.” THE CURRENT POLICY THE HONOR CO STAT “SAME-GENR ATTRACTN IS NOT AN HONOR CO ISSUE,” MAKG EXPLIC THAT STUNTS WILL NOT BE KICKED OUT FOR G OUT. HOWEVER, THE REVISN ALSO MAK CLEAR THAT ANY SORT OF SAME-SEX AFFECTN IS STILL GROUNDS FOR EXPULSN: “HOMOSEXUAL BEHAVR IS APPROPRIATE AND VLAT THE HONOR CO. HOMOSEXUAL BEHAVR CLUS NOT ONLY SEXUAL RELATNS BETWEEN MEMBERS OF THE SAME SEX, BUT ALL FORMS OF PHYSIL TIMACY THAT GIVE EXPRSN TO HOMOSEXUAL FEELGS.”MANY LGBT STUNTS AT BYU STILL TAKE OFFENSE AT THE HONOR CO RTRICTN FOR VAR REASONS. ONE OF THE FIRST PROBLEMS IS WH THE LANGUAGE SELF OF “SAME-GENR ATTRACTN.” CARY, WHO GRADUATED OM BYU 2011, EXPLAS THAT “LDS CHURCH LEARS ARE UNSELED WHEN THEY SPEAK WH YOUNG MEN AND WOMEN WHO ARE GAY TO HELP THEM MOVE AWAY OM LLG THEMSELV GAY OR LBIAN TO SAYG ‘I STGGLE WH SAME-GENR ATTRACTNS.’”CARY SAYS THE LANGUAGE CHOICE BOTH PATHOLOGIZ HOMOSEXUALY AND MAK SEEM TEMPORARY, LIKENG TO THE DOUBLPEAK GEE ORWELL’S 1984. “IT’S A 1984 WORD-MAKG-REALY THG BEE YOU’RE NOT TAKG ON AN ADJECTIVE. YOU’RE TAKG ON A NDN THAT’S CHANGEABLE. IT’S THE IA YOU WEREN’T CREATED THAT WAY OR ’S NOT IMMUTABLE.”CASE POT: WHEN THE LDS CHURCH IALLY SENT BYU STUNTS AN ONLE SURVEY ON MILLENNIAL SEX HABS LAST MONTH, THE SALT LAKE TRIBUNE REPORTED, THERE WAS NO LGBT OPTN. INSTEAD, THERE WAS ONLY “I AM HETEROSEXUAL, BUT I STGGLE WH SAME-SEX ATTRACTN.” THE NEXT WEEK, THE SURVEY WAS RE-SENT WH THE QUTN “DO YOU EXPERIENCE SAME-SEX ATTRACTN,” ORR TO “BETTER NVEY THE TENT OF THE QUTN," LDS CHURCH SPOKPERSON JSI MOODY TOLD THE PAPER.IT’S FOR THIS REASON THAT G OUT OF THE CLOSET IS OFTEN A TWO-PART PROCS FOR LGBT MORMONS. THE FIRST IS ADMTG YOU “SUFFER” OM SAME-SEX ATTRACTN. DURG THIS STAGE, “PEOPLE OFTEN ARE VERY WARM,” SAYS CARY. “THAT’S THE NORM. THEY SAY, ‘WE’LL HELP YOU THROUGH THIS.’”THE SEND IS ACTUALLY ACCEPTG BEG LGBT. “I HAD TO E OUT A SEND TIME. ‘NO, MOM AND DAD, I’M ACTUALLY GAY AND DATE BOYS AND WILL HOPEFULLY MARRY ONE SOME DAY,’” RELLS CARY. “THAT WAS A MUCH HARR G OUT. THE FIRST OFTEN SERV AS A BUFFER TO THE SEND.”IT’S NOT JT THAT BYU TREATS HOMOSEXUALY AS A TEMPORARY NDN. SAM (NOT HIS REAL NAME), WHO IS CURRENTLY A STUNT AT BYU, SAYS HE’S BOTHERED THAT THE HONOR CO RC LGBT STUNTS TO THEIR SEXUAL BEHAVR. “IT IS SIMPLISTIC TO VIEW HOMOSEXUALY THAT WAY, TO SAY THAT I’M ONLY GAY WHEN I’M MTG A HOMOSEXUAL ACT,” HE TELLS ME. “I BREATHE GAY. I’M NEVER NOT GAY. BUT APPARENTLY, WHEN I DO SOMETHG SEXUAL, BYU DRAWS THE LE. I’M MORE THAN MY SEXUAL URG.”SAM OM A LONG LE OF GAY MORMONS. HIS GREAT-UNCLE, WHO HAS NEVER SELF-INTIFIED AS GAY BUT WHO SAM BELIEV IS, LIV A CELIBATE LIFE MTED TO THE CHURCH. HIS NT MARRIED A GAY MORMON, AND THEY LIVED A MIXED-ORIENTATN MARRIAGE, WHICH IS WHEN A HETEROSEXUAL AND A HOMOSEXUAL PERSON MARRY, BEFORE EVENTUALLY DIVORCG. HIS UNCLE, WHO HAD E OUT AS OPENLY GAY, DIED OF AN OVERDOSE AFTER YEARS OF STGGLG WH SUBSTANCE ABE. SAM SAID THAT HE “PERSONALLY BELIEV THAT ISSU SURROUNDG HIS SEXUALY AND HIS EXPERIENCE AS A GAY MORMON LED HIM TO MANY OF THE SUBSTANCE PROBLEMS AND PRSN SPELLS THAT DRAMATILLY HURT HIS QUALY OF LIFE AND ULTIMATELY LED TO HIS PREMATURE ATH.”SAM SAID ONE OF HIS BIGGT DISAPPOTMENTS WH THE BYU ADMISTRATN IS HOW LTLE DO TO SUPPORT AND PROTECT THE LGBT MUNY, PECIALLY SCE THE POPULATN IS SO VULNERABLE TO SUICI ATTEMPTS. “IT BRGS ME PA TO SAY THERE’S A HISTORY OF GAY STUNTS MTG SUICI BEE OF THEIR TREATMENT HERE. PEOPLE SAY THIS IS A CHRISTIAN MUNY, BUT TURNS A BLD EYE TO STUNTS’ NEEDS BEE THEY’RE GAY. IT IS A HUGE FAILG OF THE CULTURE,” HE SAYS. BYU HAS FIRMLY DISAGREED WH THIS ASSSMENT OF THE UNIVERSY. “THIS IS ABSOLUTELY NOT TE,” JENKS SAID. “BYU IS FORTUNATE TO HAVE LOTED RIGHT THE MIDDLE OF MP OUR STUNT UNSELG CENTER WHERE STUNTS N RECEIVE EE UNSELG. FOR EMERGENCI, AN ON-LL UNSELOR IS AVAILABLE 24-7. THE UNSELORS ARE ALL TRAED AND CERTIFIED THERAPISTS WHO N PROVI PROFSNAL UNSELG TO STUNTS WHO MAY BE STGGLG WH SUICI AND PRSN.”A NUMBER OF THE STUNTS TERVIEWED FOR THIS ARTICLE DID PRAISE THE UNSELG CENTER, THOUGH SAID WAS A UNSELOR “ROULETTE” PENDG ON WHETHER YOU SAW SOMEONE WHO WAS MORE HOSPABLE TO LGBT ISSU. TYLER, WHO GRADUATED OM BYU APRIL, SAID, “I HAD A UPLE OF EXPERIENC WHERE THE UNSELOR WANTED TO HELP ME SE I CID TO DATE WOMEN AND HOW I ULD FOC ON THAT PART OF MYSELF. THAT WAS A LTLE TOO CLOSE TO THE CHANGE SI FOR MY TASTE.” AT THE SAME TIME, ONE OF THE UNSELORS HE SAW HELPED HIM FEEL NFINT ENOUGH TO ULTIMATELY E OUT. “BEFORE I EVEN ACCEPTED, HE SAID YOU KNOW ’S OKAY TO BE GAY AND MANY PEOPLE WHO ARE GAY LEAD HAPPY LIV.” ADAM WHE, WHO ALSO GRADUATED THIS APRIL, SAID HE WAS GRATEFUL FOR THE UNSELG SERVIC, EVEN THOUGH HE WAS SENT TO GROUPS FOR “PEOPLE STGGLG WH PORNOGRAPHY AND MASTURBATN ISSU” WHEN HE REVEALED HIS HOMOSEXUAL FEELGS. “I HEAR THEY N’T REMEND LGBT-AFFIRMG ROURC. IT PENDS ON WHO YOU GET,” HE SAID. HOWEVER, WHILE STUNTS REPORT MIXED LEVELS OF SUCCS WH SPECIFILLY BYU’S UNSELG, EVERY PERSON TERVIEWED FOR THIS ARTICLE SAID SUICI WAS A MAJOR PROBLEM PLAGUG THE LGBT MUNY AT BYU. ALTHOUGH THERE ARE NO STATISTICS ON SUICI AT BYU SPECIFILLY, UTAH HAS THE NATN’S HIGHT PREVALENCE OF SUICIDAL THOUGHTS AMONG ADULTS, ACRDG TO A 2011 REPORT OM THE CENTERS FOR DISEASE CONTROL. SUICI IS ALSO THE SEND-LEADG E OF ATH AMONG PEOPLE AG 10-17 AND 18-24.“I WOULD SAY 90 PERCENT OF LGBT MEMBERS HAS VERY SERLY NTEMPLATED SUICI, AND CLOSE TO HALF HAVE ATTEMPTED SOME RANGE OR FORM AS A CRY FOR HELP,” SAYS TYLER. WHEN HE FIRST REALIZED THAT HE WAS GAY, HE SAYS, HE PLANNED TO KILL HIMSELF. “I REMEMBER THKG, ‘OKAY, THIS IS THE WEEKEND I’M JT GOG TO END . THIS IS THE TIME.’ I WAS SO NFINT, SO SURE I DIDN’T WANT TO LIVE ANYMORE RATHER THAN FACE EVERYONE WH MY REALY,” HE TELLS ME.HE BELIEV THAT BEE SUICI IS SUCH A SER VLATN THE LDS CHURCH (AS IS MANY RELIGNS), MOST STUNTS ARE “NOT WILLG TO MAKE THE ATTEMPT A VERY FAL ONE.” STILL, SELF-HARM IS VERY MON, HE SAYS. “IT’S GENERAL KNOWLEDGE, OM CUTTG TO G PILLS.” HE THEN RELLS AN UNFORTABLY MATTER-OF-FACT WAY, “I HAVE A IEND WHO DID HANG HIMSELF BUT HE WAS FOUND. I FOT ABOUT THAT.”WILX ALSO SAID HE WENT THROUGH PERDS OF WHAT HE LLS “SUICI IATN.” THOUGH HE REGNIZED HIS HOMOSEXUALY AS A STUNT THE 1990S, WASN’T UNTIL 2011, WHEN HE WAS ALREADY PART OF THE BYU FACULTY, THAT HE ME OUT OF THE CLOSET. WILX SAYS HE HAD BEEN “WORKG TO PRAY THE GAY AWAY.” IN FACT, ONE OF THE REASONS HE JOED THE SCHOOL’S BROADSTG PARTMENT WAS “TO FULLY VT MYSELF THE E OF THE CHURCH ORR TO SEQUTER MYSELF AWAY OM THE WORLD AND KEEP MYSELF CLEAN AND EE OF TEMPTATN.” BY THE SUMMER OF 2011, AFTER HIS OWN PERSONAL RECKONG, ALONG WH SEEG A SPATE OF WELL-PUBLICIZED LGBT SUICIS, WILX FELT PELLED TO E OUT. HE ALSO KNEW THAT UNR THE REVISED HONOR CO (WHICH FACULTY MEMBERS ALSO HAVE TO ABI BY) HE ULD NOT BE FIRED FOR .BY NOVEMBER 2011, THE SALT LAKE TRIBUNE REPORTED THAT WILX HAD BEEN FIRED ANYWAY. BYU ADAMANTLY NIED THAT HIS DISMISSAL HAD ANYTHG TO DO WH HIS SEXUALY. AT THE TIME HE WAS FIRED, WILX REFED TO SAY WAS BEE HE WAS GAY. IN FACT, HE ACTIVELY ENURAGED PEOPLE NOT TO SEE “AS ONE MORE EXAMPLE OF STUTNALIZED HOMOPHOBIA ON THE PART OF BYU OR THE CHURCH.” OVER TWO YEARS LATER, THOUGH, WILX SAYS, “THERE WERE SO MANY ISSU THAT HAD NOTHG TO DO WH MY SEXUALY, BUT MY SEXUALY WAS NOW ONE OF THE LAYERS. IT WASN’T ONLY BEE I WAS GAY, BUT THE FACT I WAS GAY PLAYED TO MY BEG FIRED.”AS WILX’S SE SHOWS, SPE THE CHANG TO THE BYU HONOR CO, SOME STUNTS SAY BEG OUT IS STILL A HUGE LIABILY. IT LEAV LGBT UNRGRADS ALL THE MORE VULNERABLE BEE, STUNTS SAY, THERE IS A CULTURE AT BYU THAT ENURAG STUNTS TO SPY ON THEIR PEERS. “EVEN IF YOU’RE WILLG TO SAY [YOU’RE GAY] ’S DANGERO SELF BEE THEN YOU HAVE ADD THE PRSURE OF PEOPLE LOOKG AT YOU TO SEE WHETHER YOU'RE FOLLOWG THE CHURCH’S TES,” SAYS TYLER.TYLER SAID THAT THREE OF HIS LGBT IENDS LIVED WH ONE STRAIGHT MORMON, WHO ULTIMATELY REPORTED THEM TO BYU’S HONOR CO OFFICE. THE ONLY REASON THEY WEREN’T EXPELLED, TYLER SAYS, WAS BEE ONE OF THE THREE ATTEND NEARBY UTAH VALLEY UNIVERSY, WHICH DO NOT HAVE THE SAME PROHIBNS ON HOMOSEXUALY. THE TWO BYU STUNTS HAD TO “PUT ALL THE BLAME ON HIM.” IN ANOTHER SE, TYLER CLAIMS, THE EX-BOYIEND OF A STUNT AT BYU GOT REVENGE BY REPORTG HIM TO THE HONOR CO. “THE EX-BOYIEND SENT PICTUR AND ALL SORTS OF THGS TO THE HONOR CO AND GOT HIM KICKED OUT,” SAYS TYLER. “HE HAD ONE SEMTER LEFT, A GREAT GPA, AND HE WAS KICKED OUT BEE HIS BOYIEND WHO WASN’T GOG TO BYU GOT REVENGE.” REGARDG THE CINT, JENKS SAID, “BEE HONOR CO MATTERS ARE NFINTIAL, I WOULD NOT HAVE ANY RMATN ABOUT THE SUATN YOU HAVE MENTNED HERE.”STUNTS TERVIEWED FOR THIS ARTICLE SAY THAT BYU’S HONOR CO IS SO FLUENTIAL THAT EVEN PROVO MUNY MEMBERS ARE AWARE OF THE SAME-SEX STIPULATNS AND ENFORCE THEM. WHE, WHO GRADUATED THIS APRIL, RELLED HOW HIS PLANS TO MOVE TO AN OFF-MP APARTMENT ALONG WH SOME OTHER LGBT IENDS WERE THWARTED BEE A STRAIGHT STUNT JOKED ABOUT THEIR SEXUAL ORIENTATN ONT OF THE LANDLORD. THE LANDLORD, SAYS WHE, PULLED HIS IEND ASI AND TOLD HIM, “YOU KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOG, I DON’T WANT TO GET TROUBLE.” THE HOG DISCRIMATN OPENED WHE’S EY TO WHAT HE SAYS ARE THE ON-THE-GROUND PROBLEMS WH BYU’S TREATMENT OF THE LGBT MUNY. “THAT EVEN HAVG LGBT STUNTS LIVG THE SAME APARTMENT TOGETHER ED A LANDLORD TO SAY, ‘I DON'T WANT ANY TROUBLE,’ IS VERY DISTURBG. MAYBE SHE EVEN WAS AN ACCEPTG DIVIDUAL, BUT THERE WERE STUTNAL PROBLEMS.”BEE LGBT STUNTS SAY THEY NEED TO REMA GUARD EVEN AMONG THEIR PEERS, THEY VELOP THEIR OWN WAYS OF SOCIALIZG AND DATG UNR THE RADAR. JT AS VERT BUT VIBRANT GAY SOCIAL SCEN VELOPED CI ACROSS AMERI WHEN HOMOSEXUALY WAS STILL A CRIME, THE LGBT STUNTS AT BYU HAVE CREATED THEIR OWN SPAC AND WAYS OF MUNITG. “BYU HAS A OL LTLE SCENE WH THE GAY KIDS AND THE ATHEIST KIDS AND THE PROMISCUO GIRLS. IT’S A LTLE ALTERNATIVE UNRGROUND,” SAYS CARY. IN FACT FOR HIM, THE SECRET SCENE WAS S OWN SILVER LG TO BEG GAY AT BYU. “EVERYTHG IS MORE FUN WHEN ’S AGAST THE L.”TYLER AGREED THAT THE VERT NATURE OF THE LGBT SCENE AT BYU HAS HAD S UPSHOTS. “ON A POSIVE NOTE, ’S BEEN A WILD RI THAT MAK YOU FEEL LIKE A DIFFERENT, DISSINT ANIZATN,” HE SAYS. “IT’S LIKE FIGHT CLUB. YOU DON'T TALK ABOUT EVER.” HE’S LEARNED TO NAVIGATE WHO IS SAFE TO BE OPEN WH BY WHAT HE LLS “DROPPG HAIRPS,” GIVG HTS ABOUT HIS SEXUALY OR THE LGBT MUNY TO SEE IF SOMEONE REGNIZ THEM.“IF I’M TRYG TO FIGURE OUT IF SOMEONE IS GAY, YOU N SAY PHRAS THAT TEND TO ONLY BE ED BY LGBT PEOPLE OR REALLY GAY GUYS SUCH AS ‘HOT MS,’” HE EXPLAS. “OR YOU TALK ABOUT YOUR HAIRSTYLIST. ‘ME’S SIERRA. SHE’S FANTASTIC.’ EVERYONE GO TO SHEP STUD [A HAIR SALON PROVO, UTAH]. THERE ARE ALSO CLUBS SALT LAKE.”BUT THERE ARE DANGERS TO THE LGBT UNRGROUND SCENE, AS WELL. ACRDG TO LGBT STUNTS, THE PROVO-AREA POLICE ARE OFTEN NO MORE HOSPABLE TO PHYSIL EXPRSNS OF HOMOSEXUALY THAN THE BYU ADMISTRATN. SCE LGBT STUNTS N BE EXPELLED FOR HUGGG OR KISSG SOMEONE OF THE SAME SEX, THEY ARE FORCED TO TAKE THEIR DISPLAYS OF AFFECTN OFF MP.“I DIDN’T REALLY HAVE ANYWHERE I ULD MAKE OUT, AND MY BOYIEND AND I WENT OUT TO A PARK,” CARY RELLED. “A POLICE OFFICER UGHT , AND HE MA E OUT WHOUT OUR CLOTH BEE HE SAID HE WANTED TO SEE OUR HANDS. HE SAID WE WOULD BE REGISTERED AS SEX OFFENRS. I WAS AAID HE’D TURN TO THE HONOR CO. ANOTHER POLICE OFFICER ME AND TOOK MY LICENSE. HE SAID IF I EVER ME BACK TO THE PARK, THEY'D NSIR ME A SEX OFFENR.” CARY AND HIS THEN-BOYIEND NEVER RETURNED TO THAT PARK.WH ALL OF THE TRATNS AND DANGERS BOTH ON AND OFF THE BYU MP, SOME LGBT STUNTS HAVE TRIED ADVOTG FOR CHANGE THROUGH USGA, UNRSTANDG SAME GENR ATTRACTN. THOUGH NOT OFFICIALLY REGNIZED BY BYU, THE GROUP WAS PERMTED TO MEET ON MP WHEN STARTED 2010 AS “A PLACE FOR OPEN, RPECTFUL DISCSNS ON THE TOPIC OF SAME-GENR ATTRACTN.” AT S PEAK, THE GROUP DREW 100 MEMBERS TO S WEEKLY MEETGS AND WAS A VANGUARD FOR LGBT ADVOCY. BUT DECEMBER 2012, BYU ASKED THE GROUP TO NO LONGER HOLD MEETGS ON MP. JENKS PLETELY DISPUT THIS CLAIM, STATG HER EMAIL, “I AM NOT AWARE THAT ANYONE AT THE UNIVERSY TOLD THE GROUP THEY NEED TO MOVE THEIR MEETGS OFF-MP AND, FACT, I HAD THE IMPRSN THAT WAS THE GROUP’S CISN TO MOVE THEIR MEETGS OFF-MP.”HOWEVER, WHE, THE PRINT OF USGA OM 2012 TO 2014, SAID THE GROUP WAS ASKED NOT TO HOLD MEETGS ON MP, WHICH WAS NFIRMED BY EVERY STUNT TERVIEWED FOR THIS ARTICLE AND WILX, A FORMER FACULTY MEMBER. THE GROUP’S REMOVAL OM MP IS STILL SPECT TO SOME OF S FORMER MEMBERS. WILX, WHO WAS ACTIVE USGA WHEN HE WAS PART OF THE BYU FACULTY, SAYS “A GROUP OF NCERNED MUNY MEMBERS BEGAN A YEAR-LONG MPAIGN AND WORKED ON ADMISTRATIVE LEARS TO SHUT DOWN.” MORE SPECIFILLY, TYLER BELIEV WAS NOT A CISN OM ADMISTRATORS AS MUCH AS “OM THOSE HIGH UP WH THE CHURCH” WHO WERE NCERNED WAS BEG TOO VOL. “USGA WAS ON THE VERGE OF BEG POTENTIALLY QUE A POWERFUL VOICE AND ULD HAVE BEEN GARNERG A LOT OF NATNAL ATTENTN,” HE SAYS.ALTHOUGH USGA STILL OPERAT, MANY LGBT UNRGRADS FEEL WENT DOWN HILL AFTER AN IAL BUILDUP. NOW, S OFF-MP VERSN, TYLER IS DISAPPOTED WH WHAT USGA HAS BEE. “IT’S A LOT ABOUT, ‘WHAT IS THIS NFLICT BETWEEN ME AND THE CHURCH,’” HE SAYS.“WE FELT THERE WASN'T ENOUGH SENSE OF ‘I’M HAPPY TO BE GAY AND LGBT, AND THIS IS WHAT’S SO GREAT ABOUT .’”THE ADMISTRATN’S REMOVAL OF USGA WAS ONE OF THE FAL MEASUR THAT TGHT TYLER AND HIS PEERS TO NOT BOTHER FIGHTG FOR CHANGE ON BYU’S MP. “FOR ME AND MY IENDS, THERE’S FELY A LEARNED HELPLSNS THAT HAS EMERGED,” HE SAYS. “OVER THE URSE OF THE TIME I’VE BEEN HERE, WE HAVE BEEN BEATEN DOWN SO MANY TIM. WE ALMOST HAD TO LEARN OUR PLACE WHAT WE ULD AND ULD NOT SAY AND WHAT WE HAD TO BE SILENT ON.”HIS ONLY SALVE HAS BEEN UNTG DOWN THE DAYS UNTIL GRADUATN. “I’VE JT WORKED AND MA MYSELF AS BY AS POSSIBLE TO GET OUT OF HERE. AT SOME TIME YOU FEEL THERE IS NOTHG YOU N DO EXCEPT TO GET OUT OF THIS PLACE. IT JT KILLS YOUR SPIR. YOU DON’T FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE A VOICE ANYMORE.”EVEN WHE, USGA’S FORMER PRINT, IS PROUD OF THE LGBT WORK HE HAS DONE AT BYU, BUT SAYS HE ALSO FEELS BEATEN DOWN. “WOULD I DO [LEAD USGA] AGA? I DON’T THK I WOULD. WH A LOT OF MY OWN PERSONAL ANXIETY AND PRSN ISSU THAT HAVE STEMMED OM THIS MUNY, I HAVE KEPT OM ALG WH BY SERVG OTHERS. IT’S BEEN QUE EXHSTG, AND I DON’T THK I’D PUT MYSELF THROUGH AGA.”OUT OF ALL THE PEOPLE TERVIEWED, WHE HAD THE MOST POSIVE THGS TO SAY ABOUT HIS EXPERIENC WH THE BYU ADMISTRATN—YET EVEN HE SAYS HE WOULDN’T NECSARILY ENDORSE THE SCHOOL AS A GOOD CHOICE FOR LGBT MORMONS. “I GET ASKED BY PEOPLE WHO ARE LGBT MORMONS, ‘SHOULD I GO TO BYU?’ I SAY, IF YOU HAVE A REAL PASSN FOR ADVOCY AND YOU WANT TO DO REAL WORK AND FIGHT THAT UPHILL BATTLE, E BE WH . BUT, IF THAT ISN’T YOUR CUP OF TEA, IF YOU FEEL YOU’RE MAYBE TOO VULNERABLE RIGHT NOW, I WOULD SUGGT GOG TO ANOTHER UNIVERSY.” EY SHIRE

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