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width: 100%; height: to;" siz="100vw" srcSet=" 640w, 980w, 1120w, 1200w, 1920w" src="" class="css-0 exi4f7p0" /><style data-emotn="css swqnqv">@media(m-width: 20rem){{paddg-left:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 30rem){{paddg-left:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{paddg-left:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{paddg-left:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{paddg-left:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 73.75rem){{paddg-left:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 75rem){{paddg-left:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 90rem){{paddg-left:0rem;}}</style><div class="css-swqnqv e1xqj1sx2"><style data-emotn="css 1am3yn9">{paddg-left:0rem;le-height:1;}</style><figptn class="css-1am3yn9 enfs9c50"><style data-emotn="css 1mcfn5x">{lor:#595959;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;paddg-right:0.3125rem;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:0.70028rem;le-height:1.2;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:0.70028rem;le-height:1.2;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:0.75rem;le-height:1.3;}}</style><span class="css-1mcfn5x e6iqd2">Media Platforms Dign Team</span></figptn></div></div></div><style data-emotn="css aeyldl">{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:1.1875rem;le-height:1.6;} strong{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-weight:bold;} em{font-style:alic;font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;}</style><p data-no-id="1" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0"><i>Adapted om <style data-emotn="css umdwtv">{-webk-text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn-thickns:.0625rem;text-ratn-lor:#FF3A30;text-unrle-offset:0.25rem;lor:her;-webk-transn:background 0.4s;transn:background 0.4s;background:lear-gradient(#ffffff, #ffffff 50%, #d5dbe3 50%, #d5dbe3);-webk-background-size:100% 200%;background-size:100% 200%;}{lor:#000000;text-ratn-lor:borr-lk-body-hover;-webk-background-posn:100% 100%;background-posn:100% 100%;}</style><a href="/news-polics/a842/killg-lawyers-harvard-0800/" class="css-umdwtv et3p2gv0">"Who's Killg the Great Lawyers of Harvard?"</a> — origally published the Augt 2000 issue</i></p><p data-no-id="3" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0"><b>Kids who pull straight A's</b> gra school don't often sre teachers. But for all his smarts, Greg Giraldo uldn't foc fifth gra, and disturbed those charge. The kid om Queens daydreamed about funny people, guys who ma other guys lgh. How thrillg to live at a time when John Belhi roamed the earth! How glor to be <i>Mad </i>magaze artist Don Mart and to vent words like <i>thwap </i>and <i>glork</i>! Watch the face of a kid love wh lghter; 's not a face that sooth the schoolteacher's soul.</p><p data-no-id="5" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Mr. and Mrs. Giraldo were summoned to school and asked, Is somethg wrong at home? Is somethg troublg Greg? Nothg that we know of, the parents replied. And they returned home and asked Greg if there was somethg wrong. Not that I know of, he replied, and he returned to rerdg funny ltle thoughts the journals he kept. Mom and Dad uldn't prott much; Greg was a perfect stunt, the kd who might fulfill an immigrant parent's dream that he bee a doctor or a lawyer, or, better yet, an Ivy League doctor or lawyer. Or, bt yet, a Harvard doctor or lawyer. </p><p data-no-id="7" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0"><b>The hight pliment ever paid</b> to Greg Giraldo me when his pals Queens refed to believe he'd been admted to Manhattan's prtig Regis High School. We never knew you had a bra, they told their iend. We thought you were a fuckg retard.</p><p data-no-id="9" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Once si, Greg tore up the place. Shunng nerds, he pulled A's whout losg his affectn for the word <i>fuck </i>or his taste for the off-lor joke. He read great lerature, not bee he was an egghead, but bee Swift and Shakpeare were damn funny guys who knew how to nstct a joke. His classmat dug his memory for <i>Saturday Night Live</i> dialogue, and they'll still tell you that his Eddie Murphy imprsns were sry good. The Jus--great teachers, to Greg's md--appreciated passn a stunt, whatever the passn, so no one panicked about the joke-and-gag notebooks Greg ntued to assemble. In a school where the graduat matriculated to Ivy League lleg as a matter of route, Greg was gettg Columbia Universy to m to him early.</p><p data-no-id="11" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">And Columbia would be great. Greg would live downtown, keep his iends, and enjoy the kd of life that wh havg the kd of non-dickwad, vertly ol bra that sneaks up on people. </p><p data-no-id="13" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Columbia proved to be no sweat; he'd already read half the books assigned to English majors. Around junr year, he began to hear what many verbally talented llege kids hear om well-meang mentors: Go to law school if you're good wh words and like to argue. Sounds good, Greg figured. And if I n get to Harvard Law School, I'll be rich to boot. Whout studyg a lick for the entrance exam, he sred the 99th percentile, y terrory to those who red about such thgs, which he didn't. He got the thick envelope om Harvard, and while he still had no clue what lawyers did for a livg, he figured was time to go out and make his parents proud.</p><p data-no-id="15" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0"><b>Mr. and Mrs. Giraldo livered Greg</b> to Cambridge full of hop and dreams, but whout the right cloth. Harvard Law School was throwg a get-acquated cktail party the first night, and the Queens kid had never had ocsn to drs for splendor. Greg sured the town for what he assumed to be the staple of high-fashn eveng wear--the blue blazer. That he purchased one wh zippers was not to embarrass him for a full four hours, sce the party didn't start until eight.</p><p data-no-id="17" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">The law-school social scene never stopped beg bizarre to him. HLS would plan boat ris or nickel-beer Thursdays or <i>L. A. Law</i> Night at the pub, events that were supposed to break the ice but that, to Greg, jt sucked scribably--" the ept way," he'd tell buddi back home. Everyone was so ed to beg perfect, so sheltered, that they hadn't a clue about the real world, seemed. </p><p data-no-id="19" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">The legal mutiae Greg expected to be rigur at Harvard Law School never materialized. Profsors ncerned themselv stead wh sweepg issu of grand importance, about the role of society and the rponsibily of cizens, and thrilled Greg. Never the "gunner" type to shoot his hand up class, he lived the back rows durg the first weeks of school, marvelg at his classmat' tellectual might. There were no chks the armor here. A stunt might s for six weeks whout utterg a peep, prayg to be ignored. Then the profsor would pick that stunt's name at random om the seatg chart, wherpon that stunt would lnch to a multilayered explanatn of the difference between Kant's and Spoza's nceptns of ee will. Greg had long ago mastered the art of skatg through school on brapower alone. But this wasn't school. Here, among tans, he cid to m 100 percent to his studi. Any ls and he'd drown.</p><p data-no-id="21" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Greg pulled a B-pl average the first year, then land a sweet summer gig wh a small Manhattan ligatn firm. The ltle work he was assigned worried him, though. The law wasn't majtic the offic the way was at Harvard Law School. Cas seemed petty, one rporatn tryg to fuck another rporatn. Greg chalked up his reactn to immatury. He'd never had to buckle down--thgs had always e easy. Snap out of and grow up, he'd tell himself. It's time to bee an adult. Not everythg needs to be fun.</p><p data-no-id="23" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Greg pep-talked himself back to Harvard Law School. Jt grow up and you'll want to be an attorney, he repeated as if were a mantra, but his soul wasn't buyg . He remembered the wears on the fac of the lawyers who took him to lunch to rec him.</p><p data-no-id="25" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Back Cambridge, Greg bought prepackaged outl to cram for fals class he wasn't botherg to attend. Money beme a primary motivator. The firms paid a shload of money, and he tend to keep the promise he'd ma to his parents when he was seven--a rtrant for his father, shy drs for his mother.</p><p data-no-id="27" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Send summer--another fancy Manhattan firm. His duti: Attend Mets gam, eat four-star lunch, llect $1,750 weekly paychecks. As the prev summer, his few real assignments stck him as meangls. Every day, Greg toyed wh the ia of droppg out. Every time, his ncln was the same: Grow the hell up. Bee an adult. You'll love this stuff.</p><p data-no-id="29" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Standg le to register for third-year class, Greg found a buddy and pared summer not. Listen to this, Greg said. A recer tried to sell me on his firm. You know what he as his closer, the thg to seal the al? He tells me, "We really enurage associat to have a life here. I'm takg a tax class at NYU and I n leave work at 7:30 p.m. two days a week, and no one says boo!" Greg and his buddy trad jok about the kd of guy who says, "no one says boo," but neher of them was lghg much si. Third year was a kewalk, then Greg took a job even most Harvard stunts uldn't get, wh Manhattan's Skadn Arps, one of the most prtig, hight-payg law firms the world. I'm gog to grow up there, Greg told himself. I'm gog to give everythg I've got.</p><p data-no-id="31" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0"><b>New su, new attu. </b>Greg showed up at Skadn Arps termed to grow up and knock 'em ad. Then they hand him two hundred documents and told him to close a real tate al. He studied the documents, the fe prt, the <i>here</i>s and the <i>wherefore</i>s. Each was uniquely necsary to the al, and each looked so goddamned intil that he wonred if God was playg a cel joke on him. He was earng $87,000 a year as a glorified clerk. No one at Harvard Law School durg those discsns on the nature of man and society had bothered to mentn that you need to be a clerk to do this job.</p><p data-no-id="33" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Greg brought his improved attu to closgs but always managed to fet or misplace cril documents. One partner--he'll never fet the look she gave him--asked, "What are you <i>thkg</i>? <i>Who are you?</i>" He left that closg cshed, feated a way he'd never known. This work was doable, yet he uldn't get himself to re about monolhic pani tryg to fuck each other for another dollar a square foot. His dreams to get rich and provi for his parents, to make them proud, were gog to sh. The only cent thg his life, he thought, was the edy wrg he'd been scribblg notebooks--fanciful, pist stuff he thought might work on <i>Saturday Night Live</i> or even onstage. But Skadn Arps didn't pay for nonsense like that.</p><p data-no-id="35" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Snowed unr a mounta of documents one eveng at work, Greg reached to his bottom sk drawer and found that notebook of jok. This is sane, he thought, pagg through <i>Back Stage</i> for the listg of clubs that sponsored open-mike nights. Later that night, and nights after, people lghed at material he'd wrten, which Greg figured to be about the greatt feelg the world. He beme acquated wh an important moment, the moment that happens when you're dog what you're meant to be dog. Not long after, he qu the law. Once people lgh at your jok, he thought, there's no dog law.</p><p data-no-id="37" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Greg moved back to his parents' home and took odd jobs to support his edy. He helped a director move offic once, even agreed to polish the guy's trophi. Stg on the ground wh a pail of borax and a bunch of rags, Greg thought to himself, I graduated om Harvard Law School. What am I dog wh a pail of borax? Then he thought about those pil of legal documents, and he ma those trophi she.</p><p data-no-id="39" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">A edian like Ray Romano or Jerry Sefeld works ten, fifteen years before he gets a shot at a s, and then only if he's lucky. Greg had been dog stand-up for three years when ABC offered him a prime-time show. The program, <i>Common Law, </i>would star Greg as a hippie-ish Harvard lawyer who, spe beg trapped a major law firm, need to be te to himself. The work promoted the hell out of the show, plastered Greg's mug on every McDonald's place mat the untry. Greg is rrect when he says that the show sucked. The actg, the wrg, Greg's hair-- all sucked. ABC nceled <i>Common Law</i> after four episos.</p><p data-no-id="41" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Saturday night, jt after the lennium, Manhattan's sold-out Comedy Cellar. Greg Giraldo is featured this eveng. "Direct om his own ABC s, <i>Polilly Inrrect,</i> and NBC's <i>Later </i>show, please put your hands together for Greg Giraldo!" Lots of applse, then Greg lnch to his gay-bodybuilr route. Later, near the end of his set, he ponrs why urts recently award a man lns of dollars for sldg his genals a fective shower. "That's a hell of a way to tt the water," he says, thstg his pelvis to an imagary stream of boilg shower water. The crowd eats up and stands to cheer for Greg, who will be playg Milwkee next week, if you happen to be there.</p><p data-no-id="43" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0"><i><b><a href="/news-polics/a842/killg-lawyers-harvard-0800/" class="css-umdwtv et3p2gv0">Click here to read the origal story s entirety >></a></b></i></p><style data-emotn="css 2ok9l4">{marg-top:1.875rem;borr-top:th solid #595959;}</style><div data-jam-id="thor-b" class="css-2ok9l4 e13rjwo40"></div><style data-emotn="css ciejky">{clear:both;marg-top:1.25rem;}</style><div id="journey-le" class="css-ciejky e1cslvxz0"></div><style data-emotn="css 79elbk">{posn:relative;}</style><div class="css-79elbk eg8z2o90"><div class="css-79elbk e1tp40ll1"><div data-anchor-id="P0-0" class="css-0 e1tp40ll0"></div></div><style data-emotn="css hi6ssp">{display:block;grid-area:article_body;grid-lumn:article_body-start/article_body-end;grid-row:to;jtify-self:center;marg:1.25rem 0 0;}@media prt{{display:none;}}@media(max-width: 30rem){{width:100%;}}@media(max-width: 61.25rem){{m-height:28rem;}}@media(m-width: 30rem){{width:488px;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{width:612px;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{max-width:40.25rem;}}</style><div class="css-hi6ssp eg8z2o92"></div></div></div></div><div></div><style data-emotn="css 6b9rfj">{display:block;-webk-flex-basis:lc((100vw - lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem) - 1rem - 20.625rem) / 2);-ms-flex-preferred-size:lc((100vw - lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem) - 1rem - 20.625rem) / 2);flex-basis:lc((100vw - lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem) - 1rem - 20.625rem) / 2);-webk-box-flex:0;-webk-flex-grow:0;-ms-flex-posive:0;flex-grow:0;-webk-flex-shrk:0;-ms-flex-negative:0;flex-shrk:0;}@media(max-width: 61.25rem){{display:none;}}</style><div class="no-prt css-6b9rfj ewisyje1"><div><style data-emotn="css 1tuodqg">{width:330px;paddg-left:30px;}</style><div id="ad-article-rail-flt-wrapper" class="vertil-ad css-1tuodqg eqm02p30"><style data-emotn="css w0cuw4">{display:block;posn:-webk-sticky;posn:sticky;top:5rem;}@media(max-width: 61.25rem){{display:none;}}</style><div class="vertilAdSticky css-w0cuw4 eqm02p32"><style data-emotn="css 9fasmy">{m-height:523px;top:5rem;}@media(max-width: 61.25rem){{display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-webk-flex-directn:lumn;-ms-flex-directn:lumn;flex-directn:lumn;-webk-box-pack:jtify;-webk-jtify-ntent:space-between;jtify-ntent:space-between;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{m-height:138px;}}@media(max-width: 61.25rem){{ntent:"";display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;borr-bottom:th solid #E8E8E8;}}</style><div class="standard-article-vertil-ad css-9fasmy eqm02p31"><style data-emotn="css 14b96eg">{m-width:18.75rem;text-align:center;}</style><div id="gpt-ad-vertil-top" class="ad-ntaer css-14b96eg e1hka4w80"></div></div></div></div></div></div></div><div data-teractive="WatchNext-1" class="css-0 e10xr3vp6"><style data-emotn="css 1pqv15d">{marg-bottom:1.875rem;marg-top:1.875rem;paddg:0 0.938rem;}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{paddg:0 2.5rem;}}</style><div data-embed="watch-next" class="css-1pqv15d e10xr3vp5"><style data-emotn="css 604vx7">{text-align:center;marg:0 to;max-width:60rem;borr-top:0.125rem solid #15263D;}</style><div class="css-604vx7 e10xr3vp4"><style data-emotn="css 1sowyjy">{marg-bottom:1.25rem;}</style><div class="css-1sowyjy e10xr3vp3"><style data-emotn="css ju94x7">{marg:0rem;font-weight:normal;background-lor:#ffffff;lor:#000;borr:0.125rem solid #15263D;text-align:left;width:-webk-f-ntent;width:-moz-f-ntent;width:f-ntent;borr-radi:2rem;display:block;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:0.70028rem;le-height:1.2;letter-spacg:0.04rem;marg-top:-1rem;paddg:0.5rem 0.9375rem 0.25rem;text-transform:upperse;}</style><h6 class="css-ju94x7 e10xr3vp2"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p0"></span><span class="css-0 e10xr3vp1">Watch Next</span><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></h6><style data-emotn="css un61">{-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;font-weight:normal;-webk-box-pack:center;-ms-flex-pack:center;-webk-jtify-ntent:center;jtify-ntent:center;marg:0rem;m-height:to;paddg-top:1rem;text-align:left;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:1.5rem;le-height:1.1;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:1.875rem;le-height:1.3;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:2.125rem;le-height:1.2;}}</style><h6 class="css-un61 e10xr3vp0"> </h6></div><style data-emotn="css b3y6x">{marg-bottom:0.9375rem;--aspect-rat:56.25%;} {posn:absolute;marg:0rem;}{ntent:"";display:block;height:0rem;width:100%;}@media(max-width: 30rem){{paddg-bottom:lc((45% / 1.16) + 20px + 1.66em);}}@media(m-width: 30rem) and (max-width: 48rem){{paddg-bottom:lc((45% / 1.43) + 20px + 1.66em);}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem) and 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0.8);lor:#ffffff;}@media(m-width: 20rem){{top:26%;}}@media(m-width: 30rem){{top:29.5%;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{top:32.5%;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{top:34.5%;height:5.625rem;width:5.625rem;borr:.28125rem solid whe;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{top:35%;}}@media(m-width: 75rem){{top:35.8%;}}</style><button aria-label="Play Vio" class="css-w2pm9t e1f7ylgd1"><style data-emotn="css 1lhf7lq">{fill:#ffffff;height:1.4rem;vertil-align:middle;width:1.45rem;}@media(m-width: 48rem){{width:2.3125rem;height:3rem;}}</style><svg xmlns=" width="24" height="24" viewBox="0 0 24 24" style="fill: var(--primary, #000);" role="img" tle="Play" class="css-1lhf7lq e1f7ylgd2"><tle>play in

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