Gay Parents Raisg Kids: How Will They Fare? | Psychology Today

Contents:

• STRAIGHT PARENTS – AND THE GAY CHILD THEY LOVE!
• STRAIGHT PARENTS/GAY CHILDREN: KEEPG FAI TOGETHER
• PARENTS OF GAY CHILDREN AND THE ISSU THEY FACE
• STRAIGHT PARENTS, GAY CHILDREN
• PARENTG A GAY CHILD
• GAY PARENTS RAISG KIDS: HOW WILL THEY FARE?
• ADULT CHILDREN OF GAY AND LBIAN PARENTS: RELIGN AND THE PARENT-CHILD RELATNSHIP
• WHERE WE STAND: GAY AND LBIAN PARENTS

STRAIGHT PARENTS – AND THE GAY CHILD THEY LOVE!

And the ways anti-LGBTQ laws harm the kids specifilly are a gapg hole our natnal nversatn about the impact of legislatn like Florida’s recently implemented Parental Rights Edutn law — what crics have lled the “Don’t Say Gay” law — which lims discsn of LGBTQ issu krgarten through the third the dghter of a gay man, I am vastated to image what would have been like to keep my father’s inty a secret at school. The days, gay parents are no novelty: We see them strollg through our neighborhoods, participatg our PTA meetgs, and, perhaps most notably, appearg on our TV screens: Mchell and Cam, fathers to Lily, on the ratgs smash Morn Fay; Glee’s Sue Sylvter, expectant mom to a baby nceived wh an as-yet-unrevealed sperm donor, and Rachel’s dads, played wh humor and grace by Jeff Goldblum and Brian Stok. Though this media mastreamifitn of gay parentg is a relatively new phenomenon, for s, gay parents have had children all sorts of fay nfiguratns—whether through adoptn, prev heterosexual relatnships, or, creasgly, by choosg to have blogil offsprg g vro, surrogate, and other methods.

In fact, one prehensive study of children raised by lbian mothers or gay fathers nclud that children raised by same-sex parents did not differ om other children terms of emotnal functng, sexual orientatn, stigmatizatn, genr role behavr, behavral adjtment, genr inty, learng and gra pot averag. Though many fay relatnships may be plex, explag fay relatnships is uniquely plex for lbian and gay parented fai bee of the lack of societal norms and relevant exampl media, stereotyped notns about such relatnships that are mon, and the fear of discrimatn faced by the fai. Competent parentg may be fluenced by gay and lbian parents’ abily to accept and acknowledge their inty and how they are able to negotiate livg a heterosexist, homophobic, or otherwise discrimatory society, while rearg their children a fay un that is not socially sanctned.

Published fal eded form as:PMCID: PMC4250972NIHMSID: NIHMS611632AbstractPrev scholars have explored var challeng facg children of gay and lbian dividuals, and some have explored the impact of a parent’s sexual orientatn on the parent-child relatnship. The followg them emerged om phenomenologil analysis of the terviews: (a) fay break-up more difficult than the parents’ g out; (b) disvery that parent was gay or lbian; (c) ial shame over havg gay or lbian parent; (d) posive aspects of havg a gay or lbian parent; (e) refed relatnship wh relign; and (f) impact of culture on how gay and lbian dividuals are viewed.

STRAIGHT PARENTS/GAY CHILDREN: KEEPG FAI TOGETHER

Over the years, rearchers have started to vtigate the perspectiv of adult children who have been raised by gay and lbian parents (Bailey, Bobrow, Wolfe, & Mikach, 1995; Tasker & Golombok, 1995), and the foc has moved beyond explorg stigma to unrstandg their long-term experienc greater pth (Goldberg, 2007a, 2007b) children may have been raised by an tact gay or lbian uple sce fancy, but others may have to balance relatnships wh both gay and heterosexual parents. The may be children who were origally born to a heterosexual relatnship which one parent me out later the children’s liv, or rarer s children who were ially part of a fay led by a gay or lbian uple and mt pe wh fay disptn when one parent enters to a heterosexual relatnship.

Relign is also likely to impact the relatnships between children and their gay or lbian parent, but to date this has not been majory of lerature addrsg relign and sexual mory dividuals, regardls of their parentg stat, has foced on relig stigma. Conversely, when dividuals and fai are able to rolve the apparent nflict between acceptg a gay or lbian fay member and relig homonegative msag, the out n eventually be more posive (Lease & Shulman, 2003) discsed below, the impact on fai occurs over time, and relatnships wh the fay as well as wh their relign may change as children are able to reflect on their experienc and mature themselv. Therefore, the goal of the current study was to exame the perceived role of relign over time the parent-child relatnships of adult children wh a gay or lbian parent and a heterosexual Out to ChildrenWhen gay and lbian parents e out after they have tablished fai a heterosexual relatnship, the g out procs affects the entire fay (Armto, 2002; Beeler & DiProva, 1999; Bozett, 1980; Van Voorhis & McCla, 1997).

In addn, fai often create their own l about discsg homosexualy and/or may experience negative emotns followg the g out procs (Beeler & DiProva, 1999), Gillis, and Cogan (2009) found that gay, lbian, and bisexual dividuals who were more relig had higher sr on the Revised Internalized Homophobia Sle (IHP-R), suggtg that ternalized heterosexism or self-stigma was posively related to relig-based homonegative msag. Acrdg to Goldberg (2007a), adult children of gay and lbian parents were more aware of heterocentrism and homonegativy after their parent me out to them, and reported that their psychologil wellbeg may be ed as a gge by society to terme the aptns of gay and lbian parentg. Fai of Gay and Lbian IndividualsRearchers started explorg the psychologil and emotnal well beg as well as genr inty velopment of children wh gay and lbian parents the 1970s, and they have sce foced on breakg down stereotyp that gay and lbian parents are unf (Patterson, 2005; Tasker & Golombok, 1995).

PARENTS OF GAY CHILDREN AND THE ISSU THEY FACE

Fay members of gays and lbians are often aware of heterosexism society as well as their own heterosexual privilege; therefore, many may choose to fight agast homonegativy and to support equal rights for gay, lbian, bisexual, and transgenr (GLBT) dividuals (Arm et al., 2009; Goldberg, 2007a). However, as a rult of her own personal experienc and over 50 terviews wh children wh a GLBT parents, Garner emphasized the importance of personal stori unterg homonegative myths, and further noted the risks of non-disclosure on the parent-child relatnship.

Siarly, Beeler and DiProva (1999) found that fay members not only have a fdg out story but also have their own g out procs as the relative of a gay and lbian recently scholars have started to explore the fluence of relign the procs of fay members acceptg or rejectg their gay and lbian relativ (Lease et al., 2005). Although some rearch ntu to be biased by the assumptn that gay and lbian dividuals have to choose between beg relig and acceptg their non-heterosexual inty, other vtigatns have begun to exame the rporatn of both inti (Barret & Barzan, 1996; Buchanan, Dzelme, Harris, & Hecker, 2001). Lease and Shulman (2003) reported that although fay members of gay and lbian dividuals may e relign to impe their relatnships wh their gay and lbian relativ, many are also able to expand their the views of an acceptg and lovg y to one who would accept their gay or lbian relative.

STRAIGHT PARENTS, GAY CHILDREN

Over time, fay members of gay and lbian dividuals may experience gnive dissonance between their posive perceptn of their own gay or lbian relativ wh the religly-based homonegative msag they receive, and their relatnships may be termed based on their abily to rolve this dissonance. For example, a study wh a sample of nservative Christian stunts, high levels of fundamentalism rrelated more strongly wh negative views of gays and lbians who were portrayed as sexually active, than wh those who were celibate (Fulton et al., 1999). However, Hunsberger (1996) found that fundamentalist Christian, Jewish, Mlim, and Hdu nomatns were all generally tolerant toward gay and lbian dividuals, regardls of their to the homonegative msag, gay and lbian dividuals may believe that they have to ci between their relig inty and intifyg as gay or lbian, and the dividuals may rema celibate if they choose their relign (Rter & O’Neill, 1989).

In one of the few articl that nsired the relativ of gay and lbian dividuals, Lease and Shulman (2003) found that fay members ed strategi such as focg on relig msag that facilated their acceptance, adjted their level of volvement when relign imped their acceptance, and advoted for acceptance wh their relig muny, to rencile their relig inty wh acceptg LGB fay gays and lbians of lor, the challeng bee more plex, as a ls tolerant culture may further impe the g out procs for people of lor (Merighi & Grim, 2000). Bee of the plex teractns of multiple inti, gay and lbian dividuals may stggle between g out to a muny that is unsupportive whout the guarantee of acceptance to the larger gay and lbian muny due to racism (Smh et al., 2008) summary, although the negative associatn between relign and sexual orientatn has been addrsed, rearch regardg other aspects of relig fluence on gay and lbian dividuals is limed. Rponnts were provid wh a py of the rmed nsent and were told that the overall purpose of this study was to advance the unrstandg of the role of relign children’s relatnships wh their gay and lbian parent, as well as wh their heterosexual parents.

Participants have the followg current relig inti: Jewish (2), Catholic (3), Prottant (1), Mennone (1), nfed (1), and two participants no longer have an intifyg 1Participant DemographicsNameSexAgeFay RelignCurrent RelignRace/ EthnicyGay or Lbian ParentSexual OrientatnMariaF29Catholic- PentestalConfedLataFatherHeterosexualAmyF19LutheranMennoneWheFatherUnknownRogerM30CatholicCatholicWheFatherUnknownNancyF30JewishJewishWheMotherHeterosexualSarahF43Roman CatholicRoman CatholicWheFatherHeterosexualShellyF33CatholicNoneWheFatherHeterosexualAlexM23JewishNoneWhe/ Native AmerinMotherHeterosexualRachelF34JewishJewishWhe/ JewishMotherHeterosexualVictoriaF28CatholicCatholicWheFatherHeterosexualTammyF28ChristianChristianWhe/ ItalianMotherLbianNe participants were raised the ntext of heterosexual relatnships that dissolved, and one dividual was born to the ntext of a same-sex relatnship that dissolved when one of the participants’ mothers entered a heterosexual relatnship and ntued to intify as heterosexual while the other mother ntued to intify as lbian. ProcrThe terview protol was veloped by the first and send thors based on an extensive lerature review and was foced to answer the followg rearch qutn: How do adult children wh both a gay or lbian parent as well as a heterosexual parent retrospectively perceive the impact of relign on their relatnships wh both their heterosexual and gay or lbian parents? In velopg our terview qutns we nsired qutns addrsed prr related studi: (a) the role of relign their fay, how the role of relign has evolved, and how their relign viewed gay and lbian dividuals (Lease & Shulman, 2003), and (b) the impact heterosexual parent’s rponse to the g out had on parent-child relatnships (Goldberg, 2007a).

PARENTG A GAY CHILD

In Garner’s (2004) book, terviewe scribed how the rponse of the heterosexual parent to the gay or lbian parent’s disclosure, the participant’s rponse to the disclosure and the fay members reactn, and how the parent-child relatnships were impacted by the g out.

Also, bee of the potential tersectn of relig and ethnic inti (Greene, 1997), we asked about ethnic inty and how the participant’s ethnic muny views gay and lbian recg participants, two volunteers who met the study creria but were not part of the study participated terviews and provid feedback on both the mographic qutnnaire and terview protol for this study.

The mographic qutnnaire clud the followg ems: sex, race/ethnicy, relig background, current relign, age, level of relig participatn, age when gay or lbian parent me out to child, which parent is gay or lbian, the parent’s intified sexual orientatn, which parent is straight, and child’s age when the parents were divorced or separated.

GAY PARENTS RAISG KIDS: HOW WILL THEY FARE?

The semi-stctured terview was also ed to ga more rmatn regardg how the parent-child relatnship may differ between the adult child and her or his gay or lbian parent and heterosexual first thor utilized bracketg before the study began, and wrote about her personal experience and knowledge of this phenomenon to bee more aware of her prenceptns.

The transferabily of this study was tablished through providg thor bias (Morrow, 2005), a tailed scriptn of participants was supplied (Lln & Guba, 1985), and populatn transferabily was achieved by limg the sample to adult children of gays and lbians (Plano & Crwell, 2008). Rndant statements were exclud as meangs were rived om the signifint statements by rereadg through the statements to unver meangs that uld have been ncealed (Crwell, 1998, 2007) anizatn started by clterg the statements to intify the major them related to how relign impacts the parent-child relatnships of adult children wh a gay or lbian parent.

ADULT CHILDREN OF GAY AND LBIAN PARENTS: RELIGN AND THE PARENT-CHILD RELATNSHIP

Bearg wns to homonegativy has motivated her to study relign, psychology, and soclogy to better unrstand the relatnship between relign and send thor is a Whe female who is also a licensed psychologist and associate profsor of unselg psychology at a private religly affiliated universy the northeast. Personal relatnships wh gay parents who are accepted as full members of this muny have led her to believe that tegratn of relign wh sexual mory stat is possible, and that the impact on children do not have to be third thor was a Psychology Major and was enrolled a bed bachelors and masters program at a private religly affiliated universy the northeast. RultsThe followg six them emerged om the terviews: (a) fay break-up more difficult than parents’ g out; (b) disvery that parent was gay or lbian; (c) ial shame over havg a gay or lbian parent; (d) posive aspects of havg a gay or lbian parent; (e) refed relatnship wh relign; and (f) impact of culture on how gay and lbian dividuals are viewed.

She shared how both of the experienc were difficult to work of the 10 participants, three dividuals lived wh their gay or lbian parent, two had parents who spl ctody, four lived wh their straight parent, and one was already livg on her own by the time her parents divorced. ” And my dad started cryg, and that is when I uld tell you I really knew bee was majory of participants reported that by the time of disclosure they already knew their gay or lbian parent’s sexual orientatn, but their reactns to this experience varied. ” Although Alex scribed how beg raised a gay-affirmg Jewish muny further validated his experience, later on he allud to directg negative attentn to himself orr to divert om his participants reported that they veloped a closer relatnship wh their gay or lbian parent after the disclosure.

Wh my dad, I’ve gotten a lot closer, he feels like he n be himself now, and he is happier many ways so, he seems lighter and I feel like I know him better, and so we talk a lot more than we ed to and we do thg together whout my mom which we never did participants reported that although the layed disclosure may have been upsettg, also gave them time to procs how they felt about havg a gay or lbian parent. Sce my mom wouldn’t talk about , I sort of phed away, but then wh the real g out, I gus was easier ‘e had been on my md and I procsed a ltle, a 33-year old, explored how she self-disvered and accepted that her father was gay before she experienced homonegativy society:.

WHERE WE STAND: GAY AND LBIAN PARENTS

Alex, unlike the other participants, was too young to prehend his unique fay suatn and reported that he did not ially experience shame related to havg a gay or lbian parent; however, he qutned if the attentn he sought was to divert away om his fay:. I’ve always qutned that but now I get really upset about , ‘e there are thgs like, if they really thk ’s a s, should be the same as every other s, not somethg so much worse and targetg a whole populatn of people to brg down, actually fightg agast gay marriage... Feels like there is this hate; don’t feel like the love that they’re of Culture on How Gay and Lbian Individuals Are ViewedThe majory of participants were Whe Christians who did not believe that their ethnic muny impacted how they viewed gay and lbian dividuals.

Some of the major them prented are ngent wh prev rearch while other them addrs new ncepts that may spire future scholars, to date, have explored the adult perspective of children wh gay or lbian parents (Goldberg, 2007a; Patterson, 2005), and the thors of this study were the first to explore relign as a factor the parent-child relatnships of adult children wh both a gay or lbian parent as well as a heterosexual parent.

Children wh gay and lbian parents face strsful nflicts not only between their parents, but also between their relign and their gay or lbian parent’s sexual orientatn, which may have fluenced their relig inty and strength of parent-child relatnships. In this study, adult children wh a gay or lbian parent discsed the impact of their fay’s break-up, disvery that parent was gay or lbian, ial shame, relign, and culture had on their parent-child relatnships addn to the posive aspects of havg a gay or lbian fdgs of this study have implitns for practice, rearch, and rmg judicial cisns regardg children wh a gay or lbian parent. Acrdg to Murray and McCltock (2005), adult children of lbians and bisexual mothers were more likely to report their mothers’ disclosure as a posive experience than adult children of gay and bisexual fathers; however, lbian and bisexual mothers tend to disclose their sexual orientatn to their children at an earlier age.