Straight Parents – and the Gay Child They Love! | Psychology Today

Contents:

• STRAIGHT PARENTS – AND THE GAY CHILD THEY LOVE!
• STRAIGHT PARENTS/GAY CHILDREN: KEEPG FAI TOGETHER
• PARENTS OF GAY CHILDREN AND THE ISSU THEY FACE
• STRAIGHT PARENTS, GAY CHILDREN
• PARENTG A GAY CHILD
• GAY PARENTS RAISG KIDS: HOW WILL THEY FARE?
• ADULT CHILDREN OF GAY AND LBIAN PARENTS: RELIGN AND THE PARENT-CHILD RELATNSHIP
• WHERE WE STAND: GAY AND LBIAN PARENTS

STRAIGHT PARENTS – AND THE GAY CHILD THEY LOVE!

And the ways anti-LGBTQ laws harm the kids specifilly are a gapg hole our natnal nversatn about the impact of legislatn like Florida’s recently implemented Parental Rights Edutn law — what crics have lled the “Don’t Say Gay” law — which lims discsn of LGBTQ issu krgarten through the third the dghter of a gay man, I am vastated to image what would have been like to keep my father’s inty a secret at school. The days, gay parents are no novelty: We see them strollg through our neighborhoods, participatg our PTA meetgs, and, perhaps most notably, appearg on our TV screens: Mchell and Cam, fathers to Lily, on the ratgs smash Morn Fay; Glee’s Sue Sylvter, expectant mom to a baby nceived wh an as-yet-unrevealed sperm donor, and Rachel’s dads, played wh humor and grace by Jeff Goldblum and Brian Stok. Though this media mastreamifitn of gay parentg is a relatively new phenomenon, for s, gay parents have had children all sorts of fay nfiguratns—whether through adoptn, prev heterosexual relatnships, or, creasgly, by choosg to have blogil offsprg g vro, surrogate, and other methods.

STRAIGHT PARENTS/GAY CHILDREN: KEEPG FAI TOGETHER

In fact, one prehensive study of children raised by lbian mothers or gay fathers nclud that children raised by same-sex parents did not differ om other children terms of emotnal functng, sexual orientatn, stigmatizatn, genr role behavr, behavral adjtment, genr inty, learng and gra pot averag. Though many fay relatnships may be plex, explag fay relatnships is uniquely plex for lbian and gay parented fai bee of the lack of societal norms and relevant exampl media, stereotyped notns about such relatnships that are mon, and the fear of discrimatn faced by the fai.

PARENTS OF GAY CHILDREN AND THE ISSU THEY FACE

Competent parentg may be fluenced by gay and lbian parents’ abily to accept and acknowledge their inty and how they are able to negotiate livg a heterosexist, homophobic, or otherwise discrimatory society, while rearg their children a fay un that is not socially sanctned.

STRAIGHT PARENTS, GAY CHILDREN

Published fal eded form as:PMCID: PMC4250972NIHMSID: NIHMS611632AbstractPrev scholars have explored var challeng facg children of gay and lbian dividuals, and some have explored the impact of a parent’s sexual orientatn on the parent-child relatnship. The followg them emerged om phenomenologil analysis of the terviews: (a) fay break-up more difficult than the parents’ g out; (b) disvery that parent was gay or lbian; (c) ial shame over havg gay or lbian parent; (d) posive aspects of havg a gay or lbian parent; (e) refed relatnship wh relign; and (f) impact of culture on how gay and lbian dividuals are viewed.

PARENTG A GAY CHILD

Over the years, rearchers have started to vtigate the perspectiv of adult children who have been raised by gay and lbian parents (Bailey, Bobrow, Wolfe, & Mikach, 1995; Tasker & Golombok, 1995), and the foc has moved beyond explorg stigma to unrstandg their long-term experienc greater pth (Goldberg, 2007a, 2007b) children may have been raised by an tact gay or lbian uple sce fancy, but others may have to balance relatnships wh both gay and heterosexual parents. The may be children who were origally born to a heterosexual relatnship which one parent me out later the children’s liv, or rarer s children who were ially part of a fay led by a gay or lbian uple and mt pe wh fay disptn when one parent enters to a heterosexual relatnship.

Relign is also likely to impact the relatnships between children and their gay or lbian parent, but to date this has not been majory of lerature addrsg relign and sexual mory dividuals, regardls of their parentg stat, has foced on relig stigma. Conversely, when dividuals and fai are able to rolve the apparent nflict between acceptg a gay or lbian fay member and relig homonegative msag, the out n eventually be more posive (Lease & Shulman, 2003) discsed below, the impact on fai occurs over time, and relatnships wh the fay as well as wh their relign may change as children are able to reflect on their experienc and mature themselv.

GAY PARENTS RAISG KIDS: HOW WILL THEY FARE?

Therefore, the goal of the current study was to exame the perceived role of relign over time the parent-child relatnships of adult children wh a gay or lbian parent and a heterosexual Out to ChildrenWhen gay and lbian parents e out after they have tablished fai a heterosexual relatnship, the g out procs affects the entire fay (Armto, 2002; Beeler & DiProva, 1999; Bozett, 1980; Van Voorhis & McCla, 1997).

In addn, fai often create their own l about discsg homosexualy and/or may experience negative emotns followg the g out procs (Beeler & DiProva, 1999), Gillis, and Cogan (2009) found that gay, lbian, and bisexual dividuals who were more relig had higher sr on the Revised Internalized Homophobia Sle (IHP-R), suggtg that ternalized heterosexism or self-stigma was posively related to relig-based homonegative msag. Acrdg to Goldberg (2007a), adult children of gay and lbian parents were more aware of heterocentrism and homonegativy after their parent me out to them, and reported that their psychologil wellbeg may be ed as a gge by society to terme the aptns of gay and lbian parentg. Fai of Gay and Lbian IndividualsRearchers started explorg the psychologil and emotnal well beg as well as genr inty velopment of children wh gay and lbian parents the 1970s, and they have sce foced on breakg down stereotyp that gay and lbian parents are unf (Patterson, 2005; Tasker & Golombok, 1995).

Fay members of gays and lbians are often aware of heterosexism society as well as their own heterosexual privilege; therefore, many may choose to fight agast homonegativy and to support equal rights for gay, lbian, bisexual, and transgenr (GLBT) dividuals (Arm et al., 2009; Goldberg, 2007a).

ADULT CHILDREN OF GAY AND LBIAN PARENTS: RELIGN AND THE PARENT-CHILD RELATNSHIP

However, as a rult of her own personal experienc and over 50 terviews wh children wh a GLBT parents, Garner emphasized the importance of personal stori unterg homonegative myths, and further noted the risks of non-disclosure on the parent-child relatnship.

Siarly, Beeler and DiProva (1999) found that fay members not only have a fdg out story but also have their own g out procs as the relative of a gay and lbian recently scholars have started to explore the fluence of relign the procs of fay members acceptg or rejectg their gay and lbian relativ (Lease et al., 2005).

WHERE WE STAND: GAY AND LBIAN PARENTS

Although some rearch ntu to be biased by the assumptn that gay and lbian dividuals have to choose between beg relig and acceptg their non-heterosexual inty, other vtigatns have begun to exame the rporatn of both inti (Barret & Barzan, 1996; Buchanan, Dzelme, Harris, & Hecker, 2001). Lease and Shulman (2003) reported that although fay members of gay and lbian dividuals may e relign to impe their relatnships wh their gay and lbian relativ, many are also able to expand their the views of an acceptg and lovg y to one who would accept their gay or lbian relative. Over time, fay members of gay and lbian dividuals may experience gnive dissonance between their posive perceptn of their own gay or lbian relativ wh the religly-based homonegative msag they receive, and their relatnships may be termed based on their abily to rolve this dissonance.

For example, a study wh a sample of nservative Christian stunts, high levels of fundamentalism rrelated more strongly wh negative views of gays and lbians who were portrayed as sexually active, than wh those who were celibate (Fulton et al., 1999). However, Hunsberger (1996) found that fundamentalist Christian, Jewish, Mlim, and Hdu nomatns were all generally tolerant toward gay and lbian dividuals, regardls of their to the homonegative msag, gay and lbian dividuals may believe that they have to ci between their relig inty and intifyg as gay or lbian, and the dividuals may rema celibate if they choose their relign (Rter & O’Neill, 1989). In one of the few articl that nsired the relativ of gay and lbian dividuals, Lease and Shulman (2003) found that fay members ed strategi such as focg on relig msag that facilated their acceptance, adjted their level of volvement when relign imped their acceptance, and advoted for acceptance wh their relig muny, to rencile their relig inty wh acceptg LGB fay gays and lbians of lor, the challeng bee more plex, as a ls tolerant culture may further impe the g out procs for people of lor (Merighi & Grim, 2000).

Bee of the plex teractns of multiple inti, gay and lbian dividuals may stggle between g out to a muny that is unsupportive whout the guarantee of acceptance to the larger gay and lbian muny due to racism (Smh et al., 2008) summary, although the negative associatn between relign and sexual orientatn has been addrsed, rearch regardg other aspects of relig fluence on gay and lbian dividuals is limed. Rponnts were provid wh a py of the rmed nsent and were told that the overall purpose of this study was to advance the unrstandg of the role of relign children’s relatnships wh their gay and lbian parent, as well as wh their heterosexual parents. Participants have the followg current relig inti: Jewish (2), Catholic (3), Prottant (1), Mennone (1), nfed (1), and two participants no longer have an intifyg 1Participant DemographicsNameSexAgeFay RelignCurrent RelignRace/ EthnicyGay or Lbian ParentSexual OrientatnMariaF29Catholic- PentestalConfedLataFatherHeterosexualAmyF19LutheranMennoneWheFatherUnknownRogerM30CatholicCatholicWheFatherUnknownNancyF30JewishJewishWheMotherHeterosexualSarahF43Roman CatholicRoman CatholicWheFatherHeterosexualShellyF33CatholicNoneWheFatherHeterosexualAlexM23JewishNoneWhe/ Native AmerinMotherHeterosexualRachelF34JewishJewishWhe/ JewishMotherHeterosexualVictoriaF28CatholicCatholicWheFatherHeterosexualTammyF28ChristianChristianWhe/ ItalianMotherLbianNe participants were raised the ntext of heterosexual relatnships that dissolved, and one dividual was born to the ntext of a same-sex relatnship that dissolved when one of the participants’ mothers entered a heterosexual relatnship and ntued to intify as heterosexual while the other mother ntued to intify as lbian.