What If You Only Thought You Were Gay? | GQ

Contents:

• WHAT IF YOU ONLY THOUGHT YOU WERE GAY?
• SOME GAYS CAN GO STRAIGHT, STUDY SAYS
• HOW TO LEAD A HETEROSEXUAL LIFTYLE IF YOU ARE GAY
• GAY, NOT GAY, STRAIGHT, NOT STRAIGHT
• ‘I AM GAY – BUT I WASN’T BORN THIS WAY’
• WHY SOME STRAIGHT PEOPLE MIGHT HAVE GAY SEX
• HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY
• IS YOUR MAN GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?
• HOW DO I KNOW IF I AM GAY? SIGNS YOU ARE GAY
• GAY STEREOTYP: ARE THEY TE?

WHAT IF YOU ONLY THOUGHT YOU WERE GAY?

’”From the Edors of DetailsDpe the sistence of many—straight and gay—that swchg between sexual preferenc n’t technilly happen, Rothenberg isn’t the only man to have believed he was homosexual before cidg that he was wrong.

The aren’t gays who attend fah-based programs to be “cured, ” or bisexuals who rotate between male and female sex partners the way the rt of alternate pairs of sho. And they’re not the type who hi gay urg public while privately trottg off to the lol Andrew Br, who grew up Milwkee, was all about girls—until he had sex wh a guy at the end of his senr year of high school.

SOME GAYS CAN GO STRAIGHT, STUDY SAYS

When he later fell love wh a woman (who was at the time a lbian) and realized he was straight, he didn’t rm anyone that he’d been wavg that rabow flag although there aren’t statistics to show how many men go through a siar sexual shift, anecdotal evince suggts that some men who nsir themselv to be gay experience this kd of change not bee of sexual experimentatn or peer prsure but bee they ci that they want to sleep wh women stead of Ethan Robson (not his real name), a 37-year-old film edor om Los Angel, chasg women durg his post-llege years beme a chore.

Although he had sex wh girls high school, an extremely close iendship wh a neighborhood boy, bed wh homophobic tnts om his sports ach, only strengthened his belief that he was gay.

”While the men all thk the swch om gay to straight was a five experience, some experts are skeptil that such a turnaround happens any but the rart s. “I’ve only n across men who me out of the closet and pursued their gay inty but uldn’t whstand the prsur of fay and society so returned to beg closeted and heterosexual relatnships, ” says Ian Kerner, Ph. Of urse, some intify as straight but are realy closeted bisexuals or gays by sexual orientatn—perhaps likely to e out at a later age (if ever).

HOW TO LEAD A HETEROSEXUAL LIFTYLE IF YOU ARE GAY

Yet when the men were forced to choose between straight, bisexual or gay, about three-quarters marked straight bee for them bisexual, even if is unrstood as “bisexual-leang straight, ” is too gay to accurately scribe their inty. He may retreat om a full intifitn wh heterosexualy, but rarely do he gravate toward bisexualy, and almost never do he move toward homosexualy of any sort.

GAY, NOT GAY, STRAIGHT, NOT STRAIGHT

”In March, some men will cry the need for an Internatnal Women’s Day, celebrated on the is Pri Month, a time to reflect on and celebrate lbian, gay, bisexual, transgenr and queer history. There is a level of social and systemic privilege not afford to many members of the LGBTQ muny North Ameri, and certaly many untri around the is herently polilPri has been celebrated every year June sce 1970 after the 1969 Stonewall rts New York, when police raid the Stonewall Canada, Toronto’s Pri was lnched siar fashn after protts epted when police raid four bathho Febary 1981 and arrted hundreds of gay motive has always been — and should rema — polil. The slg back of hard-earned rights and protectns of LGBTQ people, particularly transgenr people, is difficult to when straight people ask why there is a need for gay pri or wonr why there aren’t straight pri celebratns, feels a lot like they are sayg ntributns by LGBTQ people — a mory group that fac nstant adversy — are simply not worthy of regnn.

Crics, though, say the study's subjects may be ludg themselv and that the subject group was scientifilly valid bee many of them were referred by anti-gay relig Robert Spzer, a psychiatry profsor at Columbia Universy, said he began his study as a skeptic — believg, as major mental health anizatns do, that sexual orientatn nnot be changed, and attempts to do so n even e Spzer's study, which has not yet been published or reviewed, seems to dite otherwise.

Spzer says he spoke to 143 men and 57 women who say they changed their orientatn om gay to straight, and nclud that 66 percent of the men and 44 percent of women reached what he lled good heterosexual functng — a staed, lovg heterosexual relatnship wh the past year and gettg enough emotnal satisfactn to rate at least a seven on a 10-pot said those who changed their orientatn had satisfyg heterosexual sex at least monthly and never or rarely thought of someone of the same sex durg also found that 89 percent of men and 95 percent of women were bothered not at all or only slightly by unwanted homosexual feelgs. Spzer argu that highly motivated gays n fact change that preference — wh a lot of Study, Old DebateBut crics have challenged the study, even before was formally unveiled at today's ssn of the Amerin Psychiatric Associatn's annual meetg New Orleans, which was jammed wh televisn meras reportg on the prentatn.

‘I AM GAY – BUT I WASN’T BORN THIS WAY’

Ariel Shidlo and Michael Shroer, two psychologists private practice New York Cy, found that of 215 homosexual subjects who received therapy to change their sexual orientatn, the majory failed to do so. "In fact, he said, many of his subjects had been sponnt and even suicidal themselv, for the oppose reason — "precisely bee they had prevly thought there was no hope for them, and they had been told by many mental health profsnals that there was no hope for them, they had to jt learn to live wh their homosexual feelgs. "He said some velop such tremendo strs that they bee chronilly prsed, socially whdrawn or even Spzer says his study shows that some homosexuals makg some effort, ually for a few years, make the change.

WHY SOME STRAIGHT PEOPLE MIGHT HAVE GAY SEX

Another 23 percent were referred by the Natnal Associatn for Rearch and Therapy of Homosexualy, which says most of s members nsir homosexualy a velopmental disorr. "The sample is terrible, totally tated, totally unreprentative of the gay and lbian muny, " said David Ellt, a spokman for the Natnal Gay and Lbian Task Force Spzer says while the people his sample were unual — more relig than the general populatn — don't mean their experienc n be dismissed.

Rick McKnon, who is openly gay and works as an edor at the weekly Seattle Gay News, is ncerned the study rults n be ed to forward an anti-gay agenda. "Conservative, anti-gay, anti-diversy folks are gog to embrace and they're gonna e for their own agenda to ph their pot of view that, y, you don't need equaly Amerin society for gay people bee they n change, " he said.

"But Spzer — who scribed himself as a "Jewish, atheist, secular humanist" wh no axe to grd — says maybe there are gays who are happy beg gay and ex-gays who are happy beg straight, and that both sis serve more rpect. ” Many people, cludg sex rearchers and scientists, believe that sexual orientatn is like a sle wh entirely gay on one end and entirely straight on the other.

HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY

Regrettably, social and blogil scientists have been plic by parg straights vers gays/lbians their rearch signs, while fettg everyone else who don’t intify as one of the. Yet the mands for new rearch are real: Right now, we thk people are eher straight or gay, as if one drop of gayns mak you gay, even if this means distortg the sexual and romantic experienc of lns of teenagers and young adults who are neher gay nor straight.

Acrdg to the report, "Instead, the rponnts (who for all tents and purpos would be tegorized as beg heterosexual), often dis-intify om a gay inty, posssg what is referred to as a 'not-me' inty (McCall, 2003). " Perhaps reflectg limed nsiratn of sexual orientatn among those the majory, prev gnive terviewg studi found that rponnts n nfe the words "homosexual" and "heterosexual, " believg that "heterosexual" means beg gay and that "homosexual" means beg straight. You so obvly nnot be gay, was her implitn, bee this is good was 2006, a full five years before Lady Gaga would set the Born This Way argument atop s unassailable cultural perch, but even then the popular unrstandg of orientatn was that was somethg you were born wh, somethg you uldn’t change.

I me out at a nservative Christian llege the US and was a gay relatnship for around two years wh a basketball player who end up marryg a woman. But what feels most accurate to say is that I’m gay – but I wasn’t born this people may fd their sir changg directn - and n't jt be explaed as experimentatn (Cred: Ignac Lehmann)In 1977, jt over 10% of Amerins thought gayns was somethg you were born wh, acrdg to Gallup.

IS YOUR MAN GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?

Throughout the same perd, the number of Amerins who believe homosexualy is “due to someone’s upbrgg/environment” fell om jt unr 60% to ias reached cril mass pop culture, first wh Lady Gaga’s 2011 Born This Way and one year later wh Macklemore’s Same Love, the chos of which has a gay person sgg “I n’t change even if I tried, even if I wanted to. ” Around the same time, the Human Rights Campaign clared unequivolly that “Beg gay is not a choice, ” and to claim that is “giv unwarranted crence to roundly disproven practic such as nversn or reparative therapy. ”People who challenge the Born This Way narrative are often st as homophobic, and their thkg is nsired backwardAs Jane Ward not Not Gay: Sex Between Straight Whe Men, what’s tertg about many of the claims is how transparent their speakers are wh their polil motivatns.

“Such statements, ” she wr, “fe blogil acunts wh an obligatory and nearly ercive force, suggtg that anyone who scrib homosexual sire as a choice or social nstctn is playg to the hands of the enemy. ” People who challenge the Born This Way narrative are often st as homophobic, and their thkg is nsired backward – even if they are themselv, for example, Cynthia Nixon of Sex and The Cy fame. ”Gay rights do not have to hge on a geic explanatn for sexualy (Cred: Ignac Lehmann)For Aravosis, and many gay activists like him, the public will only accept and affirm gay people if they thk they were born gay.

Patrick Grzanka, Assistant Profsor of Psychology at Universy of Tennsee, for stance, has shown that some people who believe that homosexualy is nate still hold negative views of gays. In fact, the homophobic and non-homophobic rponnts he studied shared siar levels of belief a Born This Way Samantha Allen not at The Daily Beast, the growg public support for gays and lbians has grown out of proportn wh the rise the number of people who believe homosexualy is fixed at birth; would be unlikely that this small change opn uld expla the spike support for gay marriage, for stance. “It don’t seem to matter as much whether or not people believe that gay people are born that way as do that they simply know someone who is currently gay, ” Allen spe of the studi, those who ph agast Born This Way narrativ have been heavily cricised by gay activists.

HOW DO I KNOW IF I AM GAY? SIGNS YOU ARE GAY

Siarly, Ward has received her own hatemail for phg agast the lg LGB narrativ, wh some gays tellg her she’s “worse than Ann Coulter, ” the ntroversial US thor of books like If Democrats Had Any Bras, They’d Be Republins.

And when I published my say on choosg to be gay, an irate Amerin lbian activist wrote me that had “jt been nfirmed” to her that my wrg was “directly rponsible for four gay aths Rsia. There is a unanimo opn that gay “nversn therapy” should be rejectedLet’s first be clear that whatever the origs of our sexual orientatn, there is a unanimo opn that gay “nversn therapy” should be rejected.

The efforts are potentially harmful, acrdg to the APA, “bee they prent the view that the sexual orientatn of lbian, gay and bisexual youth is a mental illns of disorr, and they often ame the abily to change one’s sexual orientatn as a personal and moral failure. The APA, for example, while notg that most people experience ltle to no choice over their orientatns, says this of homosexualy’s origs:“Although much rearch has examed the possible geic, hormonal, velopmental, social and cultural fluenc on sexual orientatn, no fdgs have emerged that perm scientists to nclu that sexual orientatn is termed by any particular factor or factors. ”Siarly, the Amerin Psychiatric Associatn wr a 2013 statement that while the of heterosexualy and homosexualy are currently unknown, they are likely “multifactorial cludg blogil and behavral roots which may vary between different dividuals and may even vary over time.

GAY STEREOTYP: ARE THEY TE?

” Acrdg to LeVay’s rearch, a specific part of the bra, the third terstial nucls of the anterr hypothalam (INAH-3), is smaller homosexual men than is heterosexual as they might, scientists have stggled to inty any particular gen that nsistently predict the directns of our love and sire (Cred: Ignac Lehmann)Read moreYou n spot the problem wh this study a e away: were the gay bras LeVay studied born that way, or did they bee that way? Another landmark paper on the origs of homosexualy was published 1993 by a geicist named Dean Hamer, who was terted to learn whether homosexualy uld be hered. Begng om his observatn that there are more gay relativ on a mother’s si than a father’s, Hamer turned his attentn to the X chromosome (which is passed on by the mother).