How to Have a Gay or Lbian Relatnship: 7 Steps (wh Pictur)

Contents:

• GAY AND LBIAN RELATNSHIP ADVICE
• UNRSTANDG GAY & LBIAN INTI
• GENR ROL THE RELATNSHIPS OF LBIANS AND GAY MEN
• HOW TO SUPPORT, EMPATHIZE WH, AND AFFIRM LGBTQ+ PEOPLE
• ABOUT THE CENTERSCE 1983 THE CENTER HAS BEEN SUPPORTG, FOSTERG AND CELEBRATG THE LGBT MUNY OF NEW YORK CY. FD MORE RMATN ON AND OUR WORK ABOUT THE CENTER. VIS ABOUT THE CENTEROUR MISSNCYBER CENTERCENTER HISTORYRACE EQUYMEDIA CENTERLEARSHIP & STAFFEMPLOYMENT OPPORTUNICORPORATE PARTNERSHIPSANNUAL REPORTS & FANCIAL INFORMATNCONTACT USHOURS & LOTNSEMAPSUPPORT THE CENTER
• THE AVAILABILY AND TYPE OF LBIAN, GAY, BISEXUAL, TRANSGENR, AND QUEER NTENT ON SPERM, OOCYTE, AND EMBRYO PROVIR WEBS
• 'WE'RE NOT HIDG': GAY AND LBIAN RSIANS SAY A CULTURAL SHIFT IS UNRWAY
• HOW TO HAVE A GAY OR LBIAN RELATNSHIP
• AMBIVALENCE GAY AND LBIAN FAY RELATNSHIPS
• LBIAN AND GAY PARENTG

GAY AND LBIAN RELATNSHIP ADVICE

Although n sometim seem like one type of gay person is shown over and over aga the media or on TV, gay people aren’t tomatilly effemate, and lbian women aren’t tomatilly mascule – fact, those stereotyp leave out a lot of other personali and characteristics. Dpe the persistence of stereotyp that portray lbian, gay, and bisexual people as disturbed, several s of rearch and clil experience have led all mastream medil and mental health anizatns this untry to nclu that the orientatns reprent normal forms of human experience. Helpful rpons of a therapist treatg an dividual who is troubled about her or his same sex attractns clu helpg that person actively pe wh social prejudic agast homosexualy, succsfully rolve issu associated wh and rultg om ternal nflicts, and actively lead a happy and satisfyg life.

The phrase “g out” is ed to refer to several aspects of lbian, gay, and bisexual persons’ experienc: self-awarens of same-sex attractns; the tellg of one or a few people about the attractns; wispread disclosure of same-sex attractns; and intifitn wh the lbian, gay, and bisexual muny. If they are a heterosexual relatnship, their experienc may be que siar to those of people who intify as heterosexual unls they choose to e out as bisexual; that se, they will likely face some of the same prejudice and discrimatn that lbian and gay dividuals enunter. The vast majory of scientific studi that have directly pared lbian and gay parents wh heterosexual parents have nsistently shown that the same-sex upl are as f and pable parents as heterosexual upl, and that their children are jt as psychologilly healthy and well adjted.

Keywords: ambivalence, gay and lbian fai, tergeneratnal relatnships, mid- to late life, qualative rearchOver the past , tergeneratnal ambivalence has emerged as a central ncept for unrstandg relatnships between adult children and their parents (Lüscher & Pillemer, 1998). For example, broar stutnal forc of homophobia and heterosexism that stcture the fay relatnships of gay and lbian adults may engenr an exceptnal view of soclogil ambivalence (Connidis, 2012), one that turn provis a lens to the , dynamics, and nsequenc of fay teractn.

UNRSTANDG GAY & LBIAN INTI

As such, a study of ambivalence gay and lbian fai rms a theoretil and empiril acunt of broar fay advance an unrstandg of ambivalence, gay and lbian fai, and fay systems more broadly (Bowen, 1978), the prent study I analyzed qualative terviews wh 60 gays and lbians to terme the nature of ambivalence fay-of-orig (e. To date, Connidis (2003), who a se study approach, and Reczek (2014a) and Cohler (2004), who e -pth terviews, have provid some ial evince that analytilly suggt that parents feel ambivalent toward a gay or lbian child, particularly durg the g-out procs. Failure to achieve heterosexualy has been shown to promote parental feelgs of disapproval, distancg, disappotment, disgt, and guilt over a perceived role raisg a gay or lbian child (Biblarz & Savci, 2010; Cohler, 2004; LaSala, 2000, 2001; Obock, 2013; Oswald, 2002a, 2002b).

GENR ROL THE RELATNSHIPS OF LBIANS AND GAY MEN

Homophobia and rejectn of a gay or lbian adult is often, but not always, tied to unrlyg stctural notns of relig moral valu (Jon, Cox, & Navarro-Rivera, 2013); fai wh relig members may experience a stctural ntext that is typified by heightened homophobia. The ntradictns may be created by broar stcturally ambivalent expectatns where parents reject their adult children for failure to adhere to expectatns of heterosexualy a homophobic society while also exprsg love and support for their adult child (Cohler, 2004; Connidis, 2012). This is nsistent wh some rearch that suggts lbian women have shorter relatnship duratns than gay men wh the ntext of mid-life adults (L, 2012) purpose of the terviews was to obta narrativ that foced on general fay dynamics; topics clud relatnship qualy and satisfactn between timate partners, g-out experienc, relatnships wh fay of orig, mental and physil health, unemployment, children, sexual behavr, and relatnship nflict.

Stanley, like others this theme, said he assum that one of his sisters and brothers--law ternally “stggle” wh him beg gay—evince of the negative feelgs or disfort wh Stanley and David’s relatnship—yet he experienc only posive outward teractns wh the fay members. Rponnts like Edw regnize social-stctural factors that reveal the ntradictory prence of his mother--law’s love alongsi her homophobic relig beliefs and affiliatns—characteristics of vert “glass closet” Fewer than one quarter of rponnts this study had not openly discsed their gay or lbian inty or partnership wh at least one fay member. The glass closet occurs when rponnts scribe the belief that fay members hold strong negative feelgs about rponnts’ sexual inty, most often due to perceived homophobic and relig valu, but also are outwardly acceptg of the timate, partnered to Diana for 10 years, scribed an event that ma her regnize that she is accepted and supported by her partner’s fay but that she is the glass closet bee there is a simultaneo rejectn:.

Beyond revealg an unrexamed dimensn of gay and lbian fay relatnships, this study mak three addnal ntributns to the field of fay studi—and ambivalence theory particular—which are scribed, as a parture om the origal nceptualizatn of ambivalence, which emphasiz one’s own ambivalence toward others (Lüscher & Pillemer 1998), the prent fdgs break new ground by monstratg the ways which dividuals nstct others as exhibg ntradictory behavr, feelgs, and actns—what is nceptualized as perceived ambivalence. In the se of gay and lbian adults, perceived ambivalence occurs when the stctural norms of homophobia, heterosexism, relig beliefs, and an absence of acceptance of ferally legalized same-sex marriage tersect wh norms of close fay relatnships (Bulanda, 2011; Pfeffer, 2012; Taylor, Kimport, Van Dyke, & Anrson, 2009).

HOW TO SUPPORT, EMPATHIZE WH, AND AFFIRM LGBTQ+ PEOPLE

Adult gays and lbians regnize this irrencilable soclogil ntradictn as maniftg their fay relatnships, providg a ncrete illtratn of how stctural forc are part and parcel of the psychologil experienc of that the glass closet, a term that Sedgwick (1990) ed to refer to the “open secret” of a person’s sexual inty, provis one highlighted se of the tersectn of psychologil and soclogil ambivalence.

It may be that this is pecially apparent a hort of olr adults, and was more mon among dividuals wh olr parents this sample, and creasg acceptance for gay rights may turn shift the social-stctural ntexts that engenr this perceived ambivalence (Powell, Blozendahl, Geist, & Steelman, 2010). Moreover, the study sample clud only dividuals who self-intified as gay or lbian mted relatnships; future rearch should clu rearch on bisexual, queer, and transgenr dividuals as well as dividuals who are not mted partnerships, orr to pture a wir range of ambivalent experienc.

ABOUT THE CENTERSCE 1983 THE CENTER HAS BEEN SUPPORTG, FOSTERG AND CELEBRATG THE LGBT MUNY OF NEW YORK CY. FD MORE RMATN ON AND OUR WORK ABOUT THE CENTER. VIS ABOUT THE CENTEROUR MISSNCYBER CENTERCENTER HISTORYRACE EQUYMEDIA CENTERLEARSHIP & STAFFEMPLOYMENT OPPORTUNICORPORATE PARTNERSHIPSANNUAL REPORTS & FANCIAL INFORMATNCONTACT USHOURS & LOTNSEMAPSUPPORT THE CENTER

Unlike heterosexual parents and their children, however, lbian and gay parents and their children are often subject to prejudice bee of their sexual orientatn that n turn judg, legislators, profsnals, and the public agast them, sometim rultg negative out, such as loss of physil ctody, rtrictns on visatn, and prohibns agast adoptn (ACLU Lbian and Gay Rights Project, 2002; Appell, 2003; Patterson, Fulcher, & Waright, 2002). The relevance of this cricism has been greatly rced as rearch has expand to explore life a wir array of lbian mother and gay father fai (many of which have never lived through the divorce of a heterosexual uple), and as newer studi beg to clu a wir array of ntrol groups.

An expert readg of the Sarantakos article reveals that certa characteristics of s methodology and sample are highly likely to have skewed the rults and renred them an valid ditor of the well-beg of children raised by gay and lbian parents at least three rpects:.

THE AVAILABILY AND TYPE OF LBIAN, GAY, BISEXUAL, TRANSGENR, AND QUEER NTENT ON SPERM, OOCYTE, AND EMBRYO PROVIR WEBS

The children raised by gay and lbian parents experienced unually high levels of extreme social ostracism and overt hostily om other children and parents, which probably acunted for the former's lower levels of teractn and social tegratn wh peers (see pp. Some nonscientific anizatns have attempted to nvce urts that there is an actual scientific dispute this area by cg rearch performed by Pl Cameron as supportg the existence of fics gay and lbian parents or their children pared to heterosexual parents or their children.

Three ncerns have historilly been associated wh judicial cisn makg ctody ligatn and public polici erng foster re and adoptn: the belief that lbians and gay men are mentally ill, that lbians are ls maternal than heterosexual women, and that lbians' and gay men's relatnships wh sexual partners leave ltle time for ongog parent-child teractns (ACLU Lbian and Gay Rights Project, 2002; Falk, 1989, 1994; Patterson et al., 2002; Patterson & Reddg, 1996).

Many years ago, the Amerin Psychiatric Associatn removed "homosexualy" om s list of mental disorrs, statg that "homosexualy per se impli no impairment judgment, stabily, reliabily, or general social or votnal pabili" (Amerin Psychiatric Associatn, 1974).

'WE'RE NOT HIDG': GAY AND LBIAN RSIANS SAY A CULTURAL SHIFT IS UNRWAY

The cisn to remove homosexual orientatn om the list of mental disorrs reflects extensive rearch nducted over three s showg that homosexual orientatn is not a psychologil maladjtment (Gonsrek, 1991; Hart, Roback, Ttler, Wez, Walston, & McKee, 1978; Reiss, 1980).

There is no reliable evince that homosexual orientatn per se impairs psychologil functng, although the social and other circumstanc which lbians and gay men live, cludg exposure to wispread prejudice and discrimatn, often e acute distrs (Cochran, 2001; Freedman, 1971; Gonsrek, 1991; Hart et al., 1978; Hooker, 1957; Meyer, 2003; Reiss, 1980). Beliefs that lbian and gay adults are not f parents likewise have no empiril foundatn (Anrssen, Amlie, & Ytteroy, 2002; Brewaeys & van Hall, 1997; Parks, 1998; Patterson, 2000; Patterson & Chan, 1996; Perr, 2002; Stacey & Biblarz, 2001; Tasker, 1999; Victor & Fish, 1995). A recent study of 256 lbian and gay parent fai found that, ntrast to patterns characterizg the majory of Amerin parents, very few lbian and gay parents reported any e of physil punishment (such as spankg) as a disciplary technique; stead, they were likely to report e of posive techniqu such as reasong (Johnson & O'Connor, 2002).

Certaly, rearch has found no reasons to believe lbian mothers or gay fathers to be unf parents (Armto, 2002; Barret & Robson, 1990; Bigner & Bozett, 1990; Bigner & Jabsen, 1989a, 1989b; Bos et al., 2003, 2004; Bozett, 1980, 1989; Patterson, 1997; Patterson & Chan, 1996; Sbordone, 1993; Tasker & Golombok, 1997; Victor & Fish, 1995; Wton, 1991). For stance, one such ncern is that children brought up by lbian mothers or gay fathers will show disturbanc genr inty and/or genr role behavr (Falk, 1989, 1994; Hchens & Kirkpatrick, 1985; Kleber, Howell, & Tibbs-Kleber, 1986; Patterson et al., 2002; Patterson & Reddg, 1996). Three aspects of sexual inty are nsired the rearch: genr inty, which ncerns a person's self-intifitn as male or female; genr-role behavr, which ncerns the extent to which a person's activi, occupatns, and the like are regard by the culture as mascule, feme, or both; and sexual orientatn, which refers to a person's choice of sexual partners, who may be homosexual, heterosexual, or bisexual (Money & Ehrhardt, 1972; Ste, 1993).

HOW TO HAVE A GAY OR LBIAN RELATNSHIP

Although some children have scribed enunters wh anti-gay remarks om peers (Gartrell et al., 2005), young adult offsprg of divorced lbian mothers did not rell beg the targets of any more childhood teasg or victimizatn than did the offsprg of divorced heterosexual mothers (Tasker & Golombok, 1995, 1997). Much of the existg rearch on lbian mothers, gay fathers, and their children was iated to addrs ncerns that arose for such fai the ntext of child ctody disput, and was apparently signed at least part to exame the veracy of mon stereotyp that have been voiced legal proceedgs. Bee young adolcents are often preoccupied wh their own emergg sexualy, is wily agreed that early adolcence is a particularly difficult time for youth to learn that a mother is lbian or a father is gay (Bozett, 1980; Penngton, 1987; Schulenberg, 1985).

AMBIVALENCE GAY AND LBIAN FAY RELATNSHIPS

It is clear that existg rearch provis no basis for believg that children's bt terts are served by fay nflict or secrecy about a parent's lbian or gay inty, or by requirements that a lbian or gay parent mata a hoehold separate om that of a same-sex partner. Although those om lbian fai were more likely to explore same-sex relatnships, particularly if their childhood fay environment was characterized by an openns and acceptance of lbian and gay relatnships, the large majory of children who grew up lbian fai intified as heterosexual.

LBIAN AND GAY PARENTG

Subjects evaluated vigt pictg eher a gay male uple or heterosexual uple and their adopted son along the dimensns of parentg abily, gree to which the child's problems were attributable to the parental relatnship, distrs of the child (cludg genr and sexual inty nfn), and the extent to which ctody reassignment was perceived to be beneficial. A sgle qutn on relatnship satisfactn revealed no signifint difference between groups reported satisfactn, while the 32-em DAS revealed the gay parentg upl to be signifintly more satisfied wh their relatnships than the heterosexual upl, pecially the area of dyadic hn and affective exprsn. Four issu equently raised ctody s are discsed: Do gay fathers have children to ver their homosexualy, do they molt their children, do their children turn out to be gay disproportnate numbers, and do havg a gay father expose a child to homophobic harassment.

A review of rearch on children of lbian and gay parents intifi some of the sourc of diversy wh lbian and gay parentg muni / prent rearch on those who beme parents the ntext of heterosexual relatnships, before g out as lbian or gay / scribe studi of lbians who beme parents after g out [prent] rearch on children born the ntext of heterosexual relatnships... The amework foc on (1) whether selectn effects produced by homophobia acunt for associatns between parental sexual orientatns and child out; (2) the role of parental genr vis-à-vis sexual orientatn fluencg children's genr velopment; and (3) the relatnship between parental sexual orientatns and children's sexual preferenc and behavrs. The studi reviewed and the fdgs this chapter ought to be the touchstone of further theory and rearch the study of homosexualy, bee they reprent the most refully signed, reliable, valid, and objective measur of adjtment the armamentarium of the behavral scienc.

Although is clear that homosexualy is not and of self related to psychopathology, there are persistent suggtns that the particular strs endured by gay men and lbians, pecially adolcence and young adulthood, may e an upsurge attempted suici and perhaps chemil abe, perhaps temporary or perhaps a segment of homosexuals. The paper foc on (a) methodologil problems rearch on homosexualy; (b) studi parg adjtment levels of male homosexuals and male heterosexuals, effemate and noneffemate male homosexuals, and female homosexuals and female heterosexuals; (c) the relatnship between gree of homosexualy and adjtment; (d) homosexual subculture; and (e) the relatnship between homosexualy and psychopathology.