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class="SpaceHolr-oayp fXtswJ ad-height-hold"></div><ma id="ma-ntent" tabx="-1" class="BasePageMaContent-kFvAuh ewPCZH pagema-ntent"><article class="article ma-ntent" lang="en-US"><div class="ArticlePageLeBackground-EufvU tFsh"><hear class="ContentHearWrapper-clujbs elpfHZ ntent-hear articlentent-hear"><div data-ttid="ContentHearContaer" class="ContentHearContaer-cGKRbE knDxNq"><div class="ContentHearHedAccredatnWrapper-GFiQf cDNVlV"><div data-ttid="ContentHearTleBlockWrapper" class="ContentHearTleBlockWrapper-cjmSKp lkJlKO"><div data-ttid="ContentHearRubric" class="ContentHearRubricBlock-LmpbT dmqhlj"><div data-ttid="ContentHearRubricDateBlock" class="ContentHearRubricDateBlock-kAQcZP fTFWxD"><div class="RubricWrapper-dKmCNX cJdXjE bric ContentHearRubricContaer-eTudtt iRsSlw"><span class="RubricName-fVtemz cLxcNi">Love</span></div></div></div><h1 data-ttid="ContentHearHed" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ ContentHearHed-NCyCC iUEiRd bjcNOB gydgrM">11 Sex Tips for Anyone Who Wants to Explore Strap-On Play</h1></div><div class="ContentHearAccredatn-lfctVB etVsnJ ntent-hearaccredatn" data-ttid="ContentHearAccredatn"><div class="ContentHearDek-bIqFFZ bZgCVT">There’s a learng curve.</div><div class="ContentHearByle-kmPyCa emiglw"><div class="ContentHearByleContent-dpPmNn DRFq"><div data-ttid="BylWrapper" class="BylWrapper-KIudk irTIfE byl ContentHearByl-cZqgyJ bHLeKI"><p class="ByleWrapper-jWHrLH gKcujo byle bylbyle" data-ttid="ByleWrapper" emProp="thor" emType="><span emProp="name" class="ByleNamWrapper-jbHncj fuDQVo"><span data-ttid="ByleName" class="ByleName-kwmrLn cYaBaU bylename"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BylePreamble-iJolpQ iUEiRd fzZOZR gnILss bylepreamble">By </span><a class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BaseLk-eNWuiM ByleLk-gEnFiw iUEiRd fPqUbj IWACp eErqIx bylename-lk button" href="/ntributor/anna-b">Anna B</a></span></span></p></div><time data-ttid="ContentHearPublishDate" dateTime="2020-08-27T15:04:22-04:00" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ ContentHearPublishDate-eIBicG iUEiRd danQKH MlCHH">Augt 27, 2020</time></div></div><div class="SocialInsWrapper-hKMEXV ffgPVr social-ins social-ins--standard ContentHearAccredatnSocialIns-jorO fPzfaa ntent-hearsocial-share"><ul data-ttid="socialInslist" class="SocialInsList-cHVTIA ivmblD social-inslist"></ul></div></div></div><div class="ContentHearLeadAsset-hGbumP cAlrhp lead-asset ContentHearLeadAssetWrapper-hfXHEc bjtV lead-asset--width-small" data-ttid="ContentHearLeadAsset"><figure class="ContentHearLeadAssetContent-kOfYSG dRGWbI"><div class="ContentHearLeadAssetContentMedia-bLEIpi jjhWdS lead-assetntentphoto"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW jvZaPI rponsive-asset ContentHearRponsiveAsset-bREgIb cZenhb"><div data-tt="aspect-rat-ntaer" class="AspectRatContaer-bJHpJz jgsWEn"><div class="aspect-rat--overlay-ntaer"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa ContentHearRponsiveAsset-bREgIb cZenhb rponsive-image"><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w, 960w" siz="100vw"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w, 960w, 1280w, 1600w, 1920w, 2240w" siz="100vw"/><img alt="Image may nta Back Clothg Apparel Human Person Furnure and Bed" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-imageimage" src="></picture></div></div></span><div class="CaptnWrapper-jSZdqE qDPBn ptn ContentHearLeadAssetCaptn-hPWmSN loMSDX"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ CaptnCred-ejegDm iUEiRd gVwuiM fNaHcW ptncred">Dmytro Bilo/Adobe Stock</span></div></div></figure><div data-ttid="ContentHearLeadRailAnchor" class="ContentHearLeadRailAnchor-jYVcDc djtEof"></div></div></div><asi class="PersistentAsiWrapper-VGrR oEIBz persistent-asi persistent-asi--align-left" style="posn:absolute;top:to;height:to" data-ttid="PersistentAsiWrapper"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB jNgrSF sticky-box ContentHearPersistentAsi-fsnAmQ dFzKzm"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-boxprimary"><div class="SocialInsWrapper-hKMEXV ffgPVr social-ins social-ins--has-background ContentHearSocialIns-jzJiyg fgMkJI social-ins--share"><ul data-ttid="socialInslist" class="SocialInsList-cHVTIA ivmblD social-inslist"></ul></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></asi></hear></div><div data-attribute-verso-pattern="article-body" class="ArticlePageContentBackGround-cNiFNN kJkLmH article-bodyntent"><div class="ArticlePageChunksContent-etcMtP bwyLBj"><div data-ttid="ArticlePageChunks" class="ArticlePageChunks-fLyCVG eOdfIs"><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bjczjj grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layoutntent"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa UJsCn body bodyntaer articlebody" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><p>If you’re cur about strap-on sex, you might be nervo too—not bee you thk ’d be bad, but bee you don’t know how to e a strap-on. I don’t blame you. Havg sex wh <a href=">toys</a> often isn’t as tuive as g your own body, and a ee-flyg appendage where you’re not ed to havg one n feel <em>pecially</em> unwieldy. The first time I ed a strap-on wh a partner, I was so self-nsc about my awkward technique that I didn’t try aga for like a year.</p><p>Luckily, a learng curve is pletely normal when to g a strap-on. Wh practice, munitn, and the right equipment, you n soon be thstg and grdg like a pro. To help you feel more nfint tryg strap-on <a href=">sex</a> and uppg your strap game, I asked sex toy experts and strap-on enthiasts alike how to e a strap-on. Here are a few to keep md when you don your harns:</p><h2>1. First, e prepared.</h2><p>There are a few box you want to check before you dive to strap-on sex. First thgs first, you want to make sure you have the right equipment. Which strap-on you e n make or break your experience, both om a fort standpot and om how easy is to e. <a href=">This gui</a> outl some of the thgs to look for when buyg a strap-on and clus product remendatns.</p><div class="Contaer-bkChBi byNLHx"></div><p>Also, if you’re g a strap-on to experiment wh anal play for the first time, there are ways you should prepare, which you n read about <a href=">here</a>. And no matter how you plan to e your strap-on, lube is always a good ia (jt make sure ’s patible wh your dildo of choice—siline lube gras siline toys, and oil-based lube n damage latex ndoms, so water-based lube is likely a safe bet). Beyond that, there are a few important thgs to know about safety and partner munitn before g a strap-on together, and you n fd those pre-sex tips <a href=">here</a>.</p><h2>2. Wear the strap-on around before g .</h2><p>It really helps if the first time you wear your strap-on <em>isn’t</em> durg sex. You should give yourself time to get faiar wh what ’s like to wear a harns. “It’s gog to feel weird at first,” <a data-offer-url=" class="external-lk" data-event-click="{"element":"ExternalLk","outgogURL":"" href=" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">Ashley Cobb</a>, founr and host of <a data-offer-url=" class="external-lk" data-event-click="{"element":"ExternalLk","outgogURL":"" href=" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">Sex Wh Ashley</a> and sex toy reviewer, tells SELF. “Wear your harns around the hoe as you do non-sexual activi, such as washg dish or watchg TV. The more fortable you are wh on your own, the easier will be to e wh a partner.”</p><h2>3. Watch vios of people g strap-ons.</h2><p>Yep, as <a href=">porn</a>. “Especially amatr vios,” Maggie L., 31, suggts to SELF. If you’ve never ed a strap-on before (or even if you have), ’s credibly eful to see them actn. You might pick up on ltle techniqu, see ways people get creative, and generally mystify the whole oral. Which is why amatr porn is the way to go—real sexual partners are far more likely to have actnable takeaways than <a href=">profsnal performers</a> who may have techniqu that <em>look</em> good but aren’t actually enjoyable.</p><h2>4. Use your hands to ntrol .</h2><p>Sure, one draw of g a strap-on n be that allows for timate, hands-ee activy, but that don’t mean the toy will always do what you want to. “A strap n be ls easy for the top to ntrol than a flh ck, so if somethg isn’t workg, don’t be aaid e your hands to adjt the toy so ’s htg properly,” Lisa Fn, a sex tor and brand manager for Babeland, tells SELF.</p><h2>5. Try strap-iendly posns.</h2><p>Your first few tri g a strap-on aren’t gog to be the time to get super wild when to <a href=">sex posns</a>. Stick wh basic posns that feel fortable and leave you room to adjt the strap-on wh your hands if necsary, like on all fours, missnary, or standg bi the bed while your partner li on s edge. “Your partner n always ri you if you’re havg trouble manverg your strap,” Lily A., 22, tells SELF. “Fdg what feels good and feels natural always tak some experimentg.”</p><div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--article-mid-ntent" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-unslot nsumer-marketg-unslot--article-mid-ntent nsumer-marketg-unslot---ntent"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><p>For <a href=">anal</a> particular, Cobb remends havg the receiver start on all fours too. “This is one of the most mon peggg posns,” she says. “On the bed, uch, or wherever, you get on your hands and kne and have your partner enter you om behd.” She also shouts out lyg on your stomach as a siarly newbie-iendly peggg posn.</p><h2>6. Stop worryg about what you look like.</h2><p>This is easier said than done, I know, but <a href=">you’re not the only one</a> gettg distracted by what you look like wearg a strap-on harns. For one, sometim the posns and mov that <em>feel</em> good aren’t exactly picturque (as wh any sex act), so you should be ol wh lookg “unsexy.” And if <em>looks</em> spired you to buy a specific kd of harns that turned out not to be the most effective, you might fd prrizg functn over athetic might make you feel more nfint the long-n anyway.</p></div></div></div><div class="GridItem-buujkM fVLMby grid--em grid-layoutasi"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB kNleGZ sticky-box"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-boxprimary"><div class="Contaer-bkChBi byNLHx"></div><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--rail"><div class="adslot adslot--rail" data-no-id="kuji4"></div></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--display-rail" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-unslot nsumer-marketg-unslot--display-rail"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></div></div><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan full-bleed-ad row-mid-ntent-ad"><div class="StickyMidContentAdWrapper-fSBzwl drzyIa ad-stickymidntent"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--mid-ntent should-hold-space"><div class="adslot adslot--mid-ntent" data-no-id="afym3v"></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bjczjj grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layoutntent"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa UJsCn body bodyntaer articlebody" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="bodyner-ntaer"><p>“I wish I spent way ls time worryg about what the harns was gog to look like,” Suz W., 24, tells SELF. “Stop tryg to fd a sexy harns! It’s a harns! It’s evably gog to look a ltle b like you’re gog rock climbg. The harns is sexy when my partner wears bee my partner is sexy.”</p><h2>7. Ask your partner how feels.</h2><p>This is obvly somethg you should be dog anyway (<a href=">munitn!</a>), but n be particularly helpful when g a new toy. Especially a toy you might not have total ntrol over.</p><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad---ntent"><div class="adslot adslot---ntent" data-no-id="pqfd9n"></div></div><p>“One thg I learned very early on is that I’m terrible at judgg how ep I’m gog when I’m g a strap-on,” Spencer W., 25, tells SELF. “My poor partner put up wh a lot of low-key stabbg. But ’s not like a hand, where you n kd of feel where you’re at. Go slow and check along the way.”</p><div data-attr-viewport-monor="le-recirc" class="le-recirc-wrapper le-recirc-observer-target-1 viewport-monor-anchor"></div><p>Same go for the receiver, by the way. “If somethg feels unfortable, say somethg,” says Fn.</p><h2>8. Don’t be aaid to practice thstg.</h2><p>Hey, we’re not gog to judge you if you want to fse your strap skills wh a ltle trag (jt like we fely won’t judge if tak a while to fd your rhythm). “I’m not embarrassed to adm that I humped some pillows early my strap-on days,” says Lily. “It helped me get the zone and figure out the different ways I n roll my hips. Also was basilly <a href=">masturbatg</a>, so w-w.”</p><p>Speakg of, don’t fet grdg. “Speakg as a bi woman, I n say people of all genrs fet that peratn don’t jt have to be gog and out and poundg away,” says Spencer. “Roll your hips and grd that strap.”</p><h2>9. Experiment beyond peratn.</h2><p>Peratn is a large draw of strap-ons, if not often the ma one, but there are other erotic ways to e them. “I love gettg ‘blow jobs’ om my hband,” Melissa R., 28, tells SELF. “It felt silly at first but turned out to be really hot. Once I started thkg about my strap-on as ‘my ck,’ we got more and more ias of how to play wh .”</p><p>Jt make sure you follow <a href=">bt hygiene practic</a> when you experiment. Most importantly: If you’re gog to swch hol—such as om an to mouth—wash the dildo, change ndoms, or swap out the dildo entirely.</p><h2>10. Explore different kds of strap-ons.</h2><p>There’s a whole world of harns out there that allow you to strap a dildo to, well, most parts of your body. Thigh harns, ch harns, knee harns, hand harns, and more n all be unexpectedly enjoyable addns to your <a href=">sex toy llectn</a>.</p><p>“My partner and I got really to a thigh harns and e almost as much as our regular one,” says Lily. “When I wear , my partner gets the peratn she wants and I n grd on her leg. We get a lot closer wh than our other harns. Then a hand strap is great for fuckg her wh a dildo whout my hand gettg sore om grippg the base.”</p></div></div></div><div class="GridItem-buujkM fVLMby grid--em grid-layoutasi"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB jxBcTH sticky-box"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-boxprimary"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--rail"><div class="adslot adslot--rail" data-no-id="380808"></div></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--display-rail" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-unslot nsumer-marketg-unslot--display-rail"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div><div data-attr-viewport-monor="" class="RecircMostPopularWrapper-bRuGTi jkTTgR recirc-most-popular-wrapper viewport-monor-anchor"><div class="RecircMostPopularConter-jiViNn ktrplG recirc-most-popular-sparrow-trackg hi-asi-ad" data-most-popular-id="mod-most-popular-186"><div class="RecircMostPopularHeadg-iVzhzt fIrqYK">Most 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class="ByleWrapper-jWHrLH ktuuhV byle bylbyle" data-ttid="ByleWrapper" emProp="thor" emType="><span emProp="name" class="ByleNamWrapper-jbHncj fuDQVo"><span data-ttid="ByleName" class="ByleName-kwmrLn cYaBaU bylename"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BylePreamble-iJolpQ iUEiRd fzZOZR gnILss bylepreamble">By </span>Ashia Aubourg</span></span></p></div></div></div></div></div></div></li><li><div class="SummaryItemWrapper-iwvBff iPbsZw summary-em summary-em--has-borr summary-em--ARTICLE summary-em--no-in summary-em--text-align-left summary-em--layout-placement-si-by-si summary-em--layout-posn-image-left summary-em--layout-proportns-33-66 summary-em--si-by-si-align-center summary-em--si-by-si-image-right-mobile-false summary-em--standard RecircMostPopularSummaryItem-jQxxiw iybf" role="button" tabx="0"><div class="SummaryItemAssetContaer-gwhFFH VOyg summary-emasset-ntaer"><a class="SummaryItemImageLk-dshqxb cPpCwE summary-emimage-lk summary-em-trackg__image-lk" href=" 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data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-hed-3" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" href=" target="_self"><div data-ttid="ClampWrapper" class="ClampWrapper-kZxfkB hTTNGO clamp SummaryItemHedBase-hiFYpQ izJpcw summary-emhed"><div class="ClampContent-hilPkr jVhSBH"><div class="SummaryItemHedTag-TWblf gxaOcP" data-ttid="SummaryItemHed">Actually, ‘Bed Rottg’ Can Be a Very Leg Form of Self-Care</div></div></div></a><div class="SummaryItemByleWrapper-boCfbi cuRXdL summary-embyle-date-in"><div class="SummaryItemBaseByle-fFbXkY fOzHsm summary-embyle"><div class="summary-embylentent"><div data-ttid="BylWrapper" class="BylWrapper-KIudk irTIfE byl"><p class="ByleWrapper-jWHrLH ktuuhV byle bylbyle" data-ttid="ByleWrapper" emProp="thor" emType="><span emProp="name" class="ByleNamWrapper-jbHncj fuDQVo"><span data-ttid="ByleName" class="ByleName-kwmrLn cYaBaU bylename"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BylePreamble-iJolpQ iUEiRd fzZOZR gnILss bylepreamble">By </span>Jenna Ryu</span></span></p></div></div></div></div></div></div></li><li><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ RecircMostPopularSummaryItem-jQxxiw bGBSrw ad ad--asi"><div class="adslot adslot--asi" data-no-id="k0fl"></div></div></li></ul><div class="RecircMostPopularFooter-enPjgs fObDao"></div></div></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></div></div><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan full-bleed-ad row-mid-ntent-ad"><div class="StickyMidContentAdWrapper-fSBzwl drzyIa ad-stickymidntent"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--mid-ntent should-hold-space"><div class="adslot adslot--mid-ntent" data-no-id="stkot8"></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bjczjj grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layoutntent"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa UJsCn body bodyntaer articlebody" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="bodyner-ntaer"><p>Lily suggts the Bondage Boutique Leg Strap-On Harns ($25, <a data-offer-url=" class="external-lk" data-event-click="{"element":"ExternalLk","outgogURL":"" href=" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank"></a>). Unfortunately, her favore hand harns (the La Palma by SpareParts) is super sold out, but you might want to try this simple leather Knucklefucker Hand Harns ($44, <a data-offer-url=" class="external-lk" data-event-click="{"element":"ExternalLk","outgogURL":"" href=" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank"></a>) stead. Total sibar: Etsy is an awome place for geo die harns general.</p><h2>11. Be down to lgh at yourself.</h2><p>This is another goln le of sex that is pecially helpful to keep md when experimentg wh strap-ons. You have to be able to embrace the herent edy of the suatn and roll wh . “It always feels a ltle silly and awkward tryg somethg for the first time, but that go away quickly and the benefs are so worth ,” says Suz.</p><div data-attr-viewport-monor="le-recirc" class="le-recirc-wrapper le-recirc-observer-target-2 viewport-monor-anchor"></div><p>Siarly, ’s okay if you fd out that strap-ons aren’t workg for you—eher durg that specific ssn or at all. “Remember that ’s jt a fun addn, and if don’t go as planned, you still have hands and mouths,” says Maggie.</p><p><strong>Related:</strong></p><ul><li><p><a href=">9 Thgs to Know Before You Try Strap-On Sex</a></p></li><li><p><a href=">7 Pretty Creative Ways to Use Sex Toys Wh a Partner</a></p></li><li><p><a href=">How to Clean Your Sex Toys So You Can Use Them Safely</a></p></li></ul></div></div></div><div class="GridItem-buujkM fVLMby grid--em grid-layoutasi"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB jxBcTH sticky-box"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-boxprimary"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--rail"><div class="adslot adslot--rail" data-no-id="najll"></div></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--display-rail" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-unslot nsumer-marketg-unslot--display-rail"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 PaywallInleBarrierWhWrapperGrid-fyrGfS kLQIUk grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layoutntent"><div class="body bodyle-barrier articlebody"><div class="ntaer ntaer--body"><div class="ntaer--body-ner"><asi class="PaywallInleBarrierWrapper-iBnuqk lfXXa-D" data-ttid="PaywallInleBarrierWrapper"><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--paywall-le-barrier" role="prentatn" aria-live="pole" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-unslot nsumer-marketg-unslot--paywall-le-barrier"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></asi></div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 ContentWrapperGrid-fvkmBv brYtrA grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layoutntent"><div class="body bodyntaer"><div class="ntaer ntaer--body"><div class="ntaer--body-ner"></div></div></div></div></div></div></article><div class="ContentFooterWrapper-jVNdRG dTJkpP ArticlePageContentFooterGrid-ccsXYy eMZRHU article-bodyfooter"><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan"><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layoutntent"></div></div></div><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan"><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layoutntent"><div class="ContributorsWrapper-eNpWFu hEUvfU ntributors" data-ttid="Contributors"><div class="ContributorBWrapper-bnVHbt fTIPSP"><div class="ContributorBAvatar-bIGTqf kRLWCa"><a href="/ntributor/anna-b"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW jvZaPI rponsive-asset"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa rponsive-image"><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet=" 80w" siz="100vw"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet=" 90w" siz="100vw"/><img alt="" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-imageimage" src="></picture></span></a></div><div class="ContributorBContent-ubQdr jZTSSi"><div class="ContributorBHear-ledood XOIEx"></div><div class="ContributorBB-fBolsO wPiP"><a href="/ntributor/anna-b">Anna B</a> is a wrer and a former senr health edor at SELF. She's the thor of the book <em>The More or Ls Defive Gui to Self-Care</em> and n be found wrg around the ter about mental, emotnal, and sexual health. (Most importantly, she's also a Virgo sun, Aquari moon,... <a href="/ntributor/anna-b">Read more</a></div><div class="ContributorBFooter-brqDlv ezUmSv"><div class="SocialInsWrapper-hKMEXV ffgPVr social-ins social-ins--standard"><ul data-ttid="socialInslist" class="SocialInsList-cHVTIA ivmblD social-inslist"><li class="SocialInsListItem-mbhR fxaFQj social-inslist-em social-inslist-em--twter social-inslist-em--standard"><a aria-label="Follow Anna B on Twter" class="external-lk SocialInExternalLk-huuzOU cLGRzS social-inslk social-ins__lk--twter" data-event-click="{"element":"ExternalLk","outgogURL":"" href=" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank"><div class="SocialInContaer-huXzUC pMzVC social-insin-ntaer"><svg class="SocialInNetworkInComponent-cZaKGz dlOAhZ in in-twter" focable="false" viewBox="0 0 32 32" width="32" height="32" fill="none" xmlns="><tle>Twter</tle><path d="M13.032 22.003C19.07 22.003 22.372 17.001 22.372 12.663C22.3719 12.5216 22.3686 12.3803 22.362 12.239C23.0045 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class="ContentHearContaer-cGKRbE knDxNq"><div class="ContentHearHedAccredatnWrapper-GFiQf cDNVlV"><div data-ttid="ContentHearTleBlockWrapper" class="ContentHearTleBlockWrapper-cjmSKp kjLxCB"><div data-ttid="ContentHearRubric" class="ContentHearRubricBlock-LmpbT hsydfY"><div data-ttid="ContentHearRubricDateBlock" class="ContentHearRubricDateBlock-kAQcZP fTFWxD"><div class="RubricWrapper-dKmCNX eNRqSb bric ContentHearRubricContaer-eTudtt iRsSlw"><a class="RubricLk-gRWSOU fTtYjx bric__lk" href="/culture/opn"><span class="RubricName-fVtemz cLxcNi">Opn</span></a></div></div></div><h1 data-ttid="ContentHearHed" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ ContentHearHed-NCyCC iUEiRd bwDymH isouMH">Why (Some) Women Love Strap-Ons</h1></div><div class="ContentHearAccredatn-lfctVB eDhhwT ntent-hear__accredatn" data-ttid="ContentHearAccredatn"><div class="ContentHearByle-kmPyCa emiglw"><div class="ContentHearByleContent-dpPmNn DRFq"><div data-ttid="BylWrapper" class="BylWrapper-KIudk irTIfE byl ContentHearByl-cZqgyJ bHLeKI"><p class="ByleWrapper-jWHrLH uMYIE byle byl__byle" data-ttid="ByleWrapper" emProp="thor" emType="><span emProp="name" class="ByleNamWrapper-jbHncj fuDQVo"><span data-ttid="ByleName" class="ByleName-kwmrLn cYaBaU byle__name"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BylePreamble-iJolpQ iUEiRd kxuydN gnILss byle__preamble">By </span><a class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BaseLk-eNWuiM ByleLk-gEnFiw iUEiRd hHRAkO haUSoQ eErqIx byle__name-lk button" href="/ntributor/karley-scrto">Karley Scrto</a></span></span></p></div><time data-ttid="ContentHearPublishDate" dateTime="2016-01-20T09:10:40-05:00" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ ContentHearPublishDate-eIBicG iUEiRd eNpMLJ jDQNvc">January 20, 2016</time></div></div></div></div><div class="ContentHearLeadAsset-hGbumP cAlrhp lead-asset ContentHearLeadAssetWrapper-hfXHEc bjtV lead-asset--width-small" data-ttid="ContentHearLeadAsset"><figure class="ContentHearLeadAssetContent-kOfYSG dRGWbI"><div class="ContentHearLeadAssetContentMedia-bLEIpi jjhWdS lead-asset__ntent__photo"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW jvZaPI rponsive-asset ContentHearRponsiveAsset-bREgIb cZenhb"><div data-tt="aspect-rat-ntaer" class="AspectRatContaer-bJHpJz hlQxkn"><div class="aspect-rat--overlay-ntaer"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa ContentHearRponsiveAsset-bREgIb cZenhb rponsive-image"><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w, 960w" siz="100vw"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w, 960w, 1280w, 1600w, 1920w, 2240w" siz="100vw"/><img alt="karley Scrto" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="></picture></div></div></span></div></figure><div data-ttid="ContentHearLeadRailAnchor" class="ContentHearLeadRailAnchor-jYVcDc djtEof"></div></div></div></hear></div><div data-attribute-verso-pattern="article-body" class="ArticlePageContentBackGround-cNiFNN kbAoLA article-body__ntent"><div class="ActnBarWrapperContent-lasBkU cAHp"><div class="ActnBarWrapperComponent-cjwxLS bEeSLb"><div data-attr-viewport-monor="" class="ActnBarWrapper-dhxmQh SFwwF viewport-monor-anchor"><button id="bookmark" aria-label="Save" class="ActnBarButton-dyFOZU dPbgNk bookmark large-screen"><span class="ActnBarSendaryButtonPrimaryIn-isbvyN cAwccV bookmark-button-in"><svg class="in in-bookmark" width="24" height="24" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" xmlns="><tle>Save this story</tle><path class="in-bookmark-stroke" d="M11.7661 16.3228L4.5 20.1695V3.5H19.5V20.1695L12.2339 16.3228L12 16.199L11.7661 16.3228Z" stroke-lep="square"/></svg></span><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ ActnBarButtonText-bYXYuh iUEiRd fcKlBk gkccfO">Save</span></button></div><div data-attr-viewport-monor="" class="ActnBarWrapper-dhxmQh fOiOQm viewport-monor-anchor"><button id="bookmark" aria-label="Save" class="ActnBarButton-dyFOZU gdCxmM bookmark mobile"><span class="ActnBarSendaryButtonPrimaryIn-isbvyN cAwccV 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about genr, as one do 2016. On the receivg end of my rant was my iend “Lori,” a 23-year-old MFA stunt studyg queer theory. I was sayg somethg like, “Sure, ’s ol that we live this post-everythg world where genr is over and hetero-normativy is off-trend and all the l of sexualy have been thrown out the wdow. Life is more ee now. But we’re also beg forced to ask ourselv some ser qutns. Like, ‘Do shavg my armps make me a bad femist?’ And, more prsgly, ‘Is my strap-on a symbol of male supremacy?’ And if so, should I set on fire as a performance art piece?”</p><p>Lori sipped her green juice and rolled her ey. “I love wearg a strap-on,” she said, sually flippg her long curls behd her shoulrs. “Even though my dildo is bright pk and ’s this labor procs to strap yourself , somethg about still feels <em>real</em>. It’s some Frdian bullsh, but jt feels so fun and powerful to have a penis.” This wasn’t the “femist” answer I was expectg.</p><div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--article-mid-ntent" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--article-mid-ntent nsumer-marketg-un__slot---ntent"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><p>A few nights later, I met my iend “Claire,” a 31-year-old screenwrer, for drks at the Sunset Tower. Claire is somewhat of a unirn that she’s a straight woman who gets off on wearg a dildo. “Thk about : Men are the on wh a prostate. Why isn’t every woman fuckg her boyiend wh a strap-on?” Claire asked, as an elrly man played jazz piano the background. “It’s crazy, you actually feel like you have a dick. I’ve been peggg this guy I met at a Dave Matthews ncert.”</p><div class="Contaer-bkChBi byNLHx"></div><p>Claire admted that this was not a bucket-list moment for her. “I knew what peggg was bee of that <em>Broad Cy</em> episo where Abbi pegs her csh, but I was never like, ‘Oh, my God, I n’t wa until the moment when I fally get to peg someone.’ ” Her tone turned almost motherly.“I thk every woman should experience fuckg a man at some pot her life, even jt as a theraptic tool. It’s very empowerg. I never thought this would be part of my life story, but here I am. I’m fuckg a man.”</p></div></div></div><div class="GridItem-buujkM fVLMby grid--em grid-layout__asi"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB kNleGZ sticky-box"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="Contaer-bkChBi byNLHx"></div><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--rail"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--rail" data-no-id="ywsqho"></div></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--display-rail" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--display-rail"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></div></div><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan full-bleed-ad row-mid-ntent-ad"><div class="StickyMidContentAdWrapper-fSBzwl drzyIa ad-stickymidntent"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--mid-ntent should-hold-space"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--mid-ntent" data-no-id="aifpn"></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bjczjj grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa dUONRr body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><p>After meetg through iends at said ncert last fall, Claire and her peggg partner, “Jim,” bond on a party-b ri back to Wt Hollywood, talkg about end up back at Jim’s apartment, where he produced a double-sid glass dildo—one end for the peggg, the other end shaped like a hook, to be serted si a vaga. “It’s sentially a strapls strap-on,” Claire explaed. “It’s the chict kd. I uld never go back om this.”</p><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad---ntent"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot---ntent" data-no-id="iztz"></div></div><p>She liked far more than she expected to. “It’s such a shift the power dynamic. I kept thkg, I’m <em>lerally</em> peratg someone right now. Pl, ’s a vagal workout bee you have to grip the dildo wh your vaga while you e . It’s basilly exercise, which I love. I’m very health-nsc,” she said, gulpg her send marti. For the next two months, the two met up for sex regularly. “He would get a lonic every time before I me over,” she said enthiastilly. “He was really on pot about his whole anal groomg and cleansg journey.”</p><div data-attr-viewport-monor="le-recirc" class="le-recirc-wrapper le-recirc-observer-target-1 viewport-monor-anchor"></div><p>Beyond the thrill of the power shift, what Claire didn’t expect was how timate the sex would be. “The person has to be very tstg of you. You have to listen to their physil cu and gge if they’re havg pleasure or if you’re hurtg them. You have a lot of ntrol, and that beme very sexy to me. Before Jim, I’d always thought of myself as submissive, but through that experience I accsed a totally different si of myself.”</p><p>She ma sound so bizarrely appealg. I wonred if I should rurrect my strap-on om the junk box unr my bed, where ’s been exile sce my breakup wh my now ex-girliend four months ago. When I met my ex, one of the first thgs I did was n to a sex store and buy a large purple dildo and leather harns. It was my first same-sex relatnship, and I was like, “This is what lbians do, right?” As turned out, we ed the strap-on only like four tim our three-year relatnship—partly bee quickly dawned on me that I didn’t need to imate heterosexual sex orr to validate my queer sex. In the years that followed, I found sultg when people would ask me, “But don’t you miss dick?” As if the penis is the holy grail of pleasure. Siarly, my androgyno girliend rented the fact that jt bee she wore boys’ cloth, people assumed she wanted a penis. (One day, I remember, she put on the strap-on, looked down, and said, “Wa, I’m gay and dicks are weird. Why is this thg on me?”)</p></div></div></div><div class="GridItem-buujkM fVLMby grid--em grid-layout__asi"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB jxBcTH sticky-box"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--rail"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--rail" data-no-id="ipyx8u"></div></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--display-rail" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--display-rail"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div><div data-attr-viewport-monor="" class="RecircMostPopularWrapper-bRuGTi jkTTgR recirc-most-popular-wrapper viewport-monor-anchor"><div class="RecircMostPopularConter-jiViNn ktrplG recirc-most-popular-sparrow-trackg hi-asi-ad" data-most-popular-id="mod-most-popular-164"><div class="RecircMostPopularHeadg-iVzhzt irGmYt">Most Popular</div><ul class="RecircMostPopularItems-dCAajf gqcRrp"><li><div 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Steve</div></div></div></a><div class="SummaryItemByleWrapper-boCfbi cuRXdL summary-em__byle-date-in"><div class="SummaryItemBaseByle-fFbXkY kLWdHC summary-em__byle"><div class="summary-em__byle__ntent"><div data-ttid="BylWrapper" class="BylWrapper-KIudk irTIfE byl"><p class="ByleWrapper-jWHrLH epKWKp byle byl__byle" data-ttid="ByleWrapper" emProp="thor" emType="><span emProp="name" class="ByleNamWrapper-jbHncj fuDQVo"><span data-ttid="ByleName" class="ByleName-kwmrLn cYaBaU byle__name"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BylePreamble-iJolpQ iUEiRd kxuydN gnILss byle__preamble">By </span>Nell Beram</span></span></p></div></div></div></div></div></div></li><li><div class="SummaryItemWrapper-iwvBff kMpPOV summary-em summary-em--has-borr summary-em--no-in summary-em--text-align-left summary-em--layout-placement-si-by-si summary-em--layout-posn-image-left summary-em--layout-proportns-33-66 summary-em--si-by-si-align-center summary-em--si-by-si-image-right-mobile-false summary-em--standard RecircMostPopularSummaryItem-jQxxiw cWJwCN" role="button" tabx="0"><div class="SummaryItemAssetContaer-gwhFFH VOyg summary-em__asset-ntaer"><a class="SummaryItemImageLk-dshqxb cPpCwE summary-em__image-lk summary-em-trackg__image-lk" href=" aria-hidn="te" tabx="-1" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-image-2" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" target="_self"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW kGxnNB rponsive-asset SummaryItemRponsiveAsset-hjGIGg egpoQR summary-em__image"><div data-tt="aspect-rat-ntaer" class="AspectRatContaer-bJHpJz jgsWEn"><div class="aspect-rat--overlay-ntaer"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa SummaryItemRponsiveAsset-hjGIGg egpoQR summary-em__image rponsive-image"><noscript><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet="" siz="100vw"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet="" siz="100vw"/><img alt="Washg Your Hair Once a Week May Not Be a Good Ia&-Even If It Looks Clean" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY 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data-ttid="BylWrapper" class="BylWrapper-KIudk irTIfE byl"><p class="ByleWrapper-jWHrLH epKWKp byle byl__byle" data-ttid="ByleWrapper" emProp="thor" emType="><span emProp="name" class="ByleNamWrapper-jbHncj fuDQVo"><span data-ttid="ByleName" class="ByleName-kwmrLn cYaBaU byle__name"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BylePreamble-iJolpQ iUEiRd kxuydN gnILss byle__preamble">By </span>Ana Moral</span></span></p></div></div></div></div></div></div></li><li><div class="SummaryItemWrapper-iwvBff kMpPOV summary-em summary-em--has-borr summary-em--no-in summary-em--text-align-left summary-em--layout-placement-si-by-si summary-em--layout-posn-image-left summary-em--layout-proportns-33-66 summary-em--si-by-si-align-center summary-em--si-by-si-image-right-mobile-false summary-em--standard RecircMostPopularSummaryItem-jQxxiw cWJwCN" role="button" tabx="0"><div class="SummaryItemAssetContaer-gwhFFH VOyg summary-em__asset-ntaer"><a class="SummaryItemImageLk-dshqxb cPpCwE summary-em__image-lk summary-em-trackg__image-lk" href=" aria-hidn="te" tabx="-1" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-image-3" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" target="_self"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW kGxnNB rponsive-asset SummaryItemRponsiveAsset-hjGIGg egpoQR summary-em__image"><div data-tt="aspect-rat-ntaer" class="AspectRatContaer-bJHpJz jgsWEn"><div class="aspect-rat--overlay-ntaer"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa SummaryItemRponsiveAsset-hjGIGg egpoQR summary-em__image rponsive-image"><noscript><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet="" siz="100vw"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet="" siz="100vw"/><img alt="At This Châte Weddg the South of France, the Couple Married Unr a Colorful Floral Chuppah" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="></noscript></picture></div></div></span></a></div><div class="SummaryItemContent-eiDYMl XMZX summary-em__ntent"><div class="RubricWrapper-dKmCNX eNRqSb bric SummaryItemRubric-dguGKN lapGFj summary-em__bric"><span class="RubricName-fVtemz cLxcNi">Weddgs</span></div><a class="SummaryItemHedLk-civM jRfyII summary-em-trackg__hed-lk summary-em__hed-lk" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-hed-3" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" href=" target="_self"><div data-ttid="ClampWrapper" class="ClampWrapper-kZxfkB hTTNGO clamp SummaryItemHedBase-hiFYpQ bfdOCB summary-em__hed"><div class="ClampContent-hilPkr jVhSBH"><div class="SummaryItemHedTag-TWblf gxaOcP" data-ttid="SummaryItemHed">At This Châte Weddg the South of France, the Couple Married Unr a Colorful Floral Chuppah</div></div></div></a><div class="SummaryItemByleWrapper-boCfbi cuRXdL summary-em__byle-date-in"><div class="SummaryItemBaseByle-fFbXkY kLWdHC summary-em__byle"><div class="summary-em__byle__ntent"><div data-ttid="BylWrapper" class="BylWrapper-KIudk irTIfE byl"><p class="ByleWrapper-jWHrLH epKWKp byle byl__byle" data-ttid="ByleWrapper" emProp="thor" emType="><span emProp="name" class="ByleNamWrapper-jbHncj fuDQVo"><span data-ttid="ByleName" class="ByleName-kwmrLn cYaBaU byle__name"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BylePreamble-iJolpQ iUEiRd kxuydN gnILss byle__preamble">By </span>Alexandra Man</span></span></p></div></div></div></div></div></div></li><li><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ RecircMostPopularSummaryItem-jQxxiw fkGtfq ad ad--asi"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--asi" data-no-id="n41ggn"></div></div></li></ul><div class="RecircMostPopularFooter-enPjgs laPXdt"></div></div></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></div></div><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan full-bleed-ad row-mid-ntent-ad"><div class="StickyMidContentAdWrapper-fSBzwl drzyIa ad-stickymidntent"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--mid-ntent should-hold-space"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--mid-ntent" data-no-id="ocdc86"></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bjczjj grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa dUONRr body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><p>But my worst fear is beg one of those cyber-femists who’s offend by everythg, so orr to challenge my aversn to strap-ons, I anized a queer, roundtable lunch wh strap-on lovg Lori and my particularly opnated iend Mel, a 37-year-old queer actrs.</p><p>“My hand is my sexual object,” said Mel, displayg the hand qutn, wh s immaculately manicured fgernails. “A lot of women get off wearg a strap-on, eher psychologilly or bee of the way bs agast their cl, but I don’t. I feel erotic pleasure through my fgers. It’s sexual reiki: If I n make you e wh my hand, then n I extend that power five ch ont of my hand? Ten ch? Can I s across the room om you and make you e? When you’re at that level, a fuckg phall seems like krgarten for me.” The nversatn beme heated very quickly.</p><p>“So is penis envy actually a thg?” I asked. “I jt don’t unrstand why, if you’re queer, you need to brg a fake dick to the bedroom.”</p><p>“I know lbians who, when they go on a Tr date, will pack their penis their bag,” said Mel. “Like, that’s <em>their dick</em>. They’re not trans, but they want to be able to fuck their girl whout g their hands. When I was younger I wanted that,” she relled. “I didn’t want a dick all the time, but I wanted to be able to fuck a girl and choke her wh both hands, basilly.”</p><p>“I don’t re to over-tellectualize or over-policize ,” said Lori. “If you like beg fucked by a strap-on, ’s not a reflectn on your sexualy. I get where you’re g om, but if feels good, then what’s the problem? My girliend and I aren’t secretly wantg to have sex wh a man.”</p><p>This ma sense to me. If the pot of sex is to create timacy and to give and receive pleasure, then why rtrict yourself om somethg that feels good jt bee of the patriarchy or whatever? After all, beg a lbian isn’t about hatg dicks, and g a strap-on isn’t about wantg to be a man.</p><div data-attr-viewport-monor="le-recirc" class="le-recirc-wrapper le-recirc-observer-target-2 viewport-monor-anchor"></div><p>Through my own queer experience, fact, I’ve learned that often isn’t te that the more “mascule” or butch woman would be the one to wear a strap-on the relatnship. Mel put well: “Our flt is to thk that, a power dynamic, mascule is top and feme is bottom. But a butch woman will often want to be subjugated sexually bee she has to armor herself the world so much. She has to be tough, jt like a man do. It’s like the Wall Street guy who se a domatrix on the weekend. That’s why they say, ‘Butch the streets, femme the sheets.’ ”</p></div></div></div><div class="GridItem-buujkM fVLMby grid--em grid-layout__asi"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB jxBcTH sticky-box"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--rail"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--rail" data-no-id="h3nk8p"></div></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--display-rail" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--display-rail"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div><div data-attr-viewport-monor="" class="RecircMostPopularWrapper-bRuGTi jkTTgR recirc-most-popular-wrapper viewport-monor-anchor"><div class="RecircMostPopularConter-jiViNn ktrplG recirc-most-popular-sparrow-trackg hi-asi-ad" data-most-popular-id="mod-most-popular-165"><div class="RecircMostPopularHeadg-iVzhzt irGmYt">Most Popular</div><ul 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class="SummaryItemImageLk-dshqxb cPpCwE summary-em__image-lk summary-em-trackg__image-lk" href=" aria-hidn="te" tabx="-1" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-image-3" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" target="_self"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW kGxnNB rponsive-asset SummaryItemRponsiveAsset-hjGIGg egpoQR summary-em__image"><div data-tt="aspect-rat-ntaer" class="AspectRatContaer-bJHpJz jgsWEn"><div class="aspect-rat--overlay-ntaer"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa SummaryItemRponsiveAsset-hjGIGg egpoQR summary-em__image rponsive-image"><noscript><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet="" siz="100vw"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet="" siz="100vw"/><img alt="At This Châte Weddg the South of France, the Couple Married Unr a Colorful Floral Chuppah" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="></noscript></picture></div></div></span></a></div><div class="SummaryItemContent-eiDYMl XMZX summary-em__ntent"><div class="RubricWrapper-dKmCNX eNRqSb bric SummaryItemRubric-dguGKN lapGFj summary-em__bric"><span class="RubricName-fVtemz cLxcNi">Weddgs</span></div><a class="SummaryItemHedLk-civM jRfyII summary-em-trackg__hed-lk summary-em__hed-lk" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-hed-3" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" href=" target="_self"><div data-ttid="ClampWrapper" class="ClampWrapper-kZxfkB hTTNGO clamp SummaryItemHedBase-hiFYpQ bfdOCB summary-em__hed"><div class="ClampContent-hilPkr jVhSBH"><div class="SummaryItemHedTag-TWblf gxaOcP" data-ttid="SummaryItemHed">At This Châte Weddg the South of France, the Couple Married Unr a Colorful Floral Chuppah</div></div></div></a><div class="SummaryItemByleWrapper-boCfbi cuRXdL summary-em__byle-date-in"><div class="SummaryItemBaseByle-fFbXkY kLWdHC summary-em__byle"><div class="summary-em__byle__ntent"><div data-ttid="BylWrapper" class="BylWrapper-KIudk irTIfE byl"><p class="ByleWrapper-jWHrLH epKWKp byle byl__byle" data-ttid="ByleWrapper" emProp="thor" emType="><span emProp="name" class="ByleNamWrapper-jbHncj fuDQVo"><span data-ttid="ByleName" class="ByleName-kwmrLn cYaBaU byle__name"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BylePreamble-iJolpQ iUEiRd kxuydN gnILss byle__preamble">By </span>Alexandra Man</span></span></p></div></div></div></div></div></div></li><li><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ RecircMostPopularSummaryItem-jQxxiw fkGtfq ad ad--asi"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--asi" data-no-id="9s3oj9"></div></div></li></ul><div class="RecircMostPopularFooter-enPjgs laPXdt"></div></div></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></div></div><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan full-bleed-ad row-mid-ntent-ad"><div class="StickyMidContentAdWrapper-fSBzwl drzyIa ad-stickymidntent"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--mid-ntent should-hold-space"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--mid-ntent" data-no-id="ira7e"></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bjczjj grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa dUONRr body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><p>Speakg of femme tops, I told them about Claire and her peggg saga, which ced a leral round of applse. “I wish more guys would get to peggg,” Mel said. “I thk if men knew more about what was like to get fucked, they would be better at fuckg. The only reason men don’t get pegged more often is bee of gay shame and bottom shame. It’s really hard for straight men to bottom bee they thk ’s emasculatg, when realy n be super hot.”</p><p>Beyond all the polics, one n’t ny that strap-ons have a lot of advantag. You never have to worry about a dildo beg soft or too small or diseased, and won’t accintally get you pregnant. As Mel put : “When you’re havg sex wh a <em>real</em> penis, sex be all about what feels good for the penis, and then the penis has to throw up all over your ts. But a strap-on is jt for the woman’s pleasure. The dildo don’t need to be satisfied.”</p><p>“That’s te,” Lori agreed. “Dildos are not mandg at all.”</p><p>“It’s jt a hands-ee vice,” add Mel. “Like a selfie stick.”</p><p><em>Karley Scrto wr the blog <a data-offer-url=" class="external-lk" data-event-click="{"element":"ExternalLk","outgogURL":"" href=" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">Slutever</a>.<br/>Hair and Makp: Ingeb</em></p></div></div></div><div class="GridItem-buujkM fVLMby grid--em grid-layout__asi"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB jxBcTH sticky-box"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--rail"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--rail" data-no-id="rcdt78"></div></div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--display-rail" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--display-rail"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 PaywallInleBarrierWhWrapperGrid-fyrGfS kLQIUk grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em grid-layout__ntent"><div class="body body__le-barrier article__body"><div class="ntaer ntaer--body"><div class="ntaer--body-ner"><asi class="PaywallInleBarrierWrapper-iBnuqk lfXXa-D" data-ttid="PaywallInleBarrierWrapper"><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--paywall-le-barrier" role="prentatn" aria-live="pole" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--paywall-le-barrier"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></asi></div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK kHBDeH grid grid-margs grid-ems-2 ContentWrapperGrid-fvkmBv brYtrA grid-layout--adrail narrow wi-adrail"><div class="GridItem-buujkM stRKV grid--em 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nsumer-marketg-un--article-footer" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--article-footer"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div><div data-attr-viewport-monor="" class="recirc-list-wrapper viewport-monor-anchor"><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan"><asi class="RecircListTextOverlayWrapper-EAayj ikNPKA ContentFooterRelated-kEBiFe kVUuwq"><div class="recirc-list__ntaer"><hear class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ RecircListTextOverlayHeadg-icEzDE iUEiRd hluSOy gGxTRW">Read More</hear><ul class="RecircListTextOverlayItems-kknlpG lpbERO recirc-list__ems hi-read-more-ad"><li class="RecircListTextOverlayItem-dLTGJZ cMRTNH"><a class="OverlaySummaryItemWrapper-jydJgB ljApWB summary-em-trackg__image-lk" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-image-1" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" href="><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW kGxnNB rponsive-asset OverlaySummaryItemRponsiveAsset-gAMhYK cOqLsu"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa OverlaySummaryItemRponsiveAsset-gAMhYK cOqLsu rponsive-image"><div data-tt="aspect-rat-ntaer" class="AspectRatContaer-bJHpJz jgsWEn"><div class="aspect-rat--overlay-ntaer"><noscript><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet="" siz="100vw"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet="" siz="100vw"/><img alt="What’s Happened to the Male Orgasm?" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="></noscript></div></div></picture></span><div class="OverlaySummaryItemContent-ddGOWz fHZSgO"><div class="RubricWrapper-dKmCNX dUsdoD bric bric--wh-bg BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ OverlaySummaryItemRubric-bFqsqT iUEiRd cxwGKM cvqxGA"><span class="RubricName-fVtemz cLxcNi">Opn</span></div><div data-ttid="ClampWrapper" class="ClampWrapper-kZxfkB hTTNGO clamp"><div class="ClampContent-hilPkr jVhSBH"><div class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ OverlaySummaryItemHed-cljMtD iUEiRd dMyiUD cRpZRn">What’s Happened to the Male Orgasm?</div></div></div><div data-ttid="BylWrapper" class="BylWrapper-KIudk irTIfE byl OverlaySummaryItemByl-bogcUE fjwtNK"><p class="ByleWrapper-jWHrLH epKWKp byle byl__byle" data-ttid="ByleWrapper" emProp="thor" emType="><span emProp="name" class="ByleNamWrapper-jbHncj fuDQVo"><span data-ttid="ByleName" class="ByleName-kwmrLn cYaBaU byle__name"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BylePreamble-iJolpQ iUEiRd kxuydN gnILss byle__preamble">By </span>Annie Lord</span></span></p></div></div></a></li><li class="RecircListTextOverlayItem-dLTGJZ cMRTNH"><a class="OverlaySummaryItemWrapper-jydJgB ljApWB summary-em-trackg__image-lk" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-image-2" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" href="><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW kGxnNB rponsive-asset OverlaySummaryItemRponsiveAsset-gAMhYK cOqLsu"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa OverlaySummaryItemRponsiveAsset-gAMhYK cOqLsu rponsive-image"><div data-tt="aspect-rat-ntaer" 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class="ByleWrapper-jWHrLH epKWKp byle byl__byle" data-ttid="ByleWrapper" emProp="thor" emType="><span emProp="name" class="ByleNamWrapper-jbHncj fuDQVo"><span data-ttid="ByleName" class="ByleName-kwmrLn cYaBaU byle__name"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BylePreamble-iJolpQ iUEiRd kxuydN gnILss byle__preamble">By </span>Karley Scrto</span></span></p></div></div></a></li><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--read-more"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--read-more" data-no-id="r5gt8k"></div></div><li class="RecircListTextOverlayItem-dLTGJZ cMRTNH"><a class="OverlaySummaryItemWrapper-jydJgB ljApWB summary-em-trackg__image-lk" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-image-3" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" href="><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW kGxnNB rponsive-asset OverlaySummaryItemRponsiveAsset-gAMhYK cOqLsu"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa OverlaySummaryItemRponsiveAsset-gAMhYK cOqLsu rponsive-image"><div data-tt="aspect-rat-ntaer" class="AspectRatContaer-bJHpJz jgsWEn"><div class="aspect-rat--overlay-ntaer"><noscript><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet="" siz="100vw"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet="" siz="100vw"/><img alt="The Dire for Sexual Connectn Guis Virtually All of My Decisns&-And I Don’t Regret It At All" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="></noscript></div></div></picture></span><div class="OverlaySummaryItemContent-ddGOWz fHZSgO"><div class="RubricWrapper-dKmCNX dUsdoD bric bric--wh-bg BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ OverlaySummaryItemRubric-bFqsqT iUEiRd cxwGKM cvqxGA"><span class="RubricName-fVtemz cLxcNi">Opn</span></div><div data-ttid="ClampWrapper" class="ClampWrapper-kZxfkB hTTNGO clamp"><div class="ClampContent-hilPkr jVhSBH"><div class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ OverlaySummaryItemHed-cljMtD iUEiRd dMyiUD cRpZRn">The Dire for Sexual Connectn Guis Virtually All of My Decisns—And I Don’t Regret It At All</div></div></div><div data-ttid="BylWrapper" class="BylWrapper-KIudk irTIfE byl OverlaySummaryItemByl-bogcUE fjwtNK"><p class="ByleWrapper-jWHrLH epKWKp byle byl__byle" data-ttid="ByleWrapper" emProp="thor" emType="><span emProp="name" class="ByleNamWrapper-jbHncj fuDQVo"><span data-ttid="ByleName" class="ByleName-kwmrLn cYaBaU byle__name"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BylePreamble-iJolpQ iUEiRd kxuydN gnILss byle__preamble">By </span>Annie Lord</span></span></p></div></div></a></li><li class="RecircListTextOverlayItem-dLTGJZ cMRTNH"><a class="OverlaySummaryItemWrapper-jydJgB ljApWB summary-em-trackg__image-lk" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-image-4" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" href="><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW kGxnNB rponsive-asset OverlaySummaryItemRponsiveAsset-gAMhYK cOqLsu"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa OverlaySummaryItemRponsiveAsset-gAMhYK cOqLsu rponsive-image"><div data-tt="aspect-rat-ntaer" class="AspectRatContaer-bJHpJz jgsWEn"><div class="aspect-rat--overlay-ntaer"><noscript><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet="" siz="100vw"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet="" siz="100vw"/><img alt="And Jt Like That... 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