He says he’s bisexual, but I’m worried he’s actually gay.
Contents:
- YOU’RE NOT GAY: HOMOSEXUALY ANXIETY OCD
- HOW TO OVERE FEELGS OF SHAME AROUND BEG GAY
- HOW DO I KNOW I’M NOT REALLY GAY/STRAIGHT?
- I'M AAID THAT I'M GAY
- 'HOMOSEXUAL OCD': STRAIGHT MEN WHO SPECT THEY ARE GAY
- WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"
YOU’RE NOT GAY: HOMOSEXUALY ANXIETY OCD
* worried about being gay *
Internalized homophobia -- self-shamg, self-hatred -- leads many gay men, and many queer people general, to recreate their closets long after they're "out" by shunng others, particularly those they nsir "flamboyant.
This parable piece by lbian wrer Sarah Prager go through the lp of great gays who changed the world -- om ventor Alan Turg to Tchaikovsky, the poser, to the Renaissance pater and ventor Leonardo da Vci. Fd a gay elr who's been where you are and r for your well-beg, someone who unrstands you and never pass judgment, someone who lets you make the mistak you need to make. There would be no ternalized self-hatred if no one had ever told you that beg gay is wrong, or that gay sex is disgtg, or that gay men n't feel real love, or that beg transgenr is fake, or that beg nonbary is a mental illns or a ll for attentn.
HOW TO OVERE FEELGS OF SHAME AROUND BEG GAY
If you thk a word like "gay" or "queer" works for you right now (aga, don't have to work for you forever -- labels do not e wh lifetime ntracts) and you're not ready to tell everyone, simply say out loud to yourself. Only ten mut after I had started readg the most recent posts, however, I realized that somethg was wrong: The folks wh gay fears were clearly not gay. As of this wrg I have been bombard by threads, private msag, e-mail, and stant msag by straight folks terrified that they are gay (and a very small number of gay and bisexual folks terrified that they, too, are not their real sexual orientatn).
HOW DO I KNOW I’M NOT REALLY GAY/STRAIGHT?
Neverthels, is sufficiently wispread to warrant more specialists the field, more media exposure, and more unrstandg among therapists relativ, iends, and, pecially, gay people who give the wrong advice.
In my practice, I sometim enunter men who are so obssively worried they may be gay or bisexual that tak up such a signifint amount of their daily life and thoughts and them nearly cripplg anxiety.
I'M AAID THAT I'M GAY
Like those wh Obssive-Compulsive Disorr (OCD), he may exhib the same kd of repet behavrs, such as stg and standg over and over aga to see if they may appear gay the way he do . This may sound like ’s a set-up for a joke, or an ongog lgh le a s, but is a real disorr that some have labeled as Homosexual Obssive-Compulsive Disorr (HOCD), though the Diagnostic and Statistil Manual of Mental Disorrs, the “bible” of psychiatry, has yet to regnize . HOCD n sudnly occur for some men who, for example, fd themselv beg h on by other gay or bisexual men, mistaken for beg a gay or bisexual man, fd themselv attracted to another man or stumble onto gay porn that exc them.
'HOMOSEXUAL OCD': STRAIGHT MEN WHO SPECT THEY ARE GAY
In my own clil experience workg wh the men, those who suffer om this may fd themselv obssively lookg at porn, eher gay or straight, to see if they bee sexually exced by eher.
They might nstantly check out others’ reactns to their gtur or nversatn to see if they get any strange looks or other signals that would imply homophobia. They sometim will go to extreme lengths, such as havg sex wh men even though they are not gay or bisexual, which typilly leav them feelg unsatisfied and unfortable.
WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"
Even though they have not been able to nfirm by their pulsive experimentatn that they are, ed, gay, they may even ask me to help them e out as gay or bisexual jt to end the sufferg. I am a specialist sexual orientatn and relatnships and not traed to al wh OCD, so I first mt set out to terme if they are simply closeted gay or bisexual men, or if there is somethg else gog on. Influenced by the heated atmosphere around sexual polics nowadays, and even the amount of media verage around LGBTQ issu, some gays argue that the g-out procs they went through much of the same nfn, and therefore believe that the HOCD person is simply experiencg the same thg.
There are some clil therapists, such as Monni Williams, thor of Homosexual Anxiety: A Misunrstood Form of OCD Leadg Health Edutn Issu, who may help brg more a ser nversatn of this disorr to the theraptic world. However, what I am ncerned about is that he is g me as a steppg stone to acknowledgg to himself that he is gay, or that he wants to be a heterosexual relatnship orr to reap the social benefs (havg kids, generally beg accepted society, etc.