Our life 17 photos: A gay sailor’s love story | Freedom to Marry

Contents:

• FOR GAY UPL HOPG FOR A ARY BURIAL, THE FIGHT FOR LOVE DON’T END WH ATH
• WHAT IS IT LIKE TO BE A GAY MILARY COUPLE?
• FIRST ACTIVE-DUTY GAY COUPLE MARRIED AT WT POT
• GAY ARY UPL WELE PENTAGON CISN TO EXTEND BENEFS
• I THOUGHT I COULD SERVE AS AN OPENLY GAY MAN THE ARMY. THEN CAME THE DEATH THREATS.
• GAY ARY UPLE’S WEDDG PHOTO PROV WE’VE E A LONG WAY
• STAT SEEK TO TURN BACK CLOCK ON MILARY GAY COUPL WH MARRIAGE RIGHTSMARRIAGE RIGHTSGAY UPL THE ARY ARE TAKG ADVANTAGE OF THE PENTAGON’S ORR EXTENDG FULL MARRIAGE RIGHTS TO ALL SERVICE MEMBERS, BUT SOME STAT ARE FIGHTG TO NY THEM BENEFS. HANQG CHENUPDATED APR. 17, 2017 3:59PM EDT / PUBLISHED NOV. 28, 2013 5:45AM EST COURTY OF ERWYNN UMALI-BEHRENS SCE SEPTEMBER 20TH, U.S. AIR FORCE TECH. SGT. ERWYNN AND HIS HBAND WILL UMALI-BEHRENS HAVE BEEN ABLE TO BREATH A SIGH OF RELIEF—THEIR FOUR CHILD HOEHOLD NO LONGER HAS TO PAY FOR HEALTH SURANCE THAT STS MORE THAN BOTH THEIR R PAYMENTS BED.“WH A FLICK OF A PEN, REALLY HELPED FANCIALLY,” WILL SAID.MILARY SERVICE MEMBERS HAVE JT BEGUN TO EXERCISE THEIR NEW MARRIAGE RIGHTS AND THE SPOAL BENEFS THAT E WH THEM BUT THERE HAVE ALSO BEEN POCKETS OF RISTANCE OM BOTH CHURCH AND STATE OFFICIALS. AT THE LOL LEVEL A HALF DOZEN STAT ARE ACTIVELY WORKG TO UNRME FERAL DIRECTIV AND NY BENEFS TO SERVICE MEMBERS SAME SEX MARRIAG WHILE, ON A DIFFERENT ONT, SOME CHURCH HAVE THREATENED ARY CHAPLAS WHO PERFORM WEDDGS FOR GAY UPL WH HAVG THEIR ORDATNS REVOKED.GAY MEMBERS OF THE ARY CLEARED SEVERAL HURDL ON THE ROAD TO EQUALY THE PAST FEW MONTHS, BEGNG WH THE PENTAGON EXTENDG MARRIAGE BENEFS TO SAME SEX UPL AUGT (PDF). THEN, SEPTEMBER THE ARY APPROVED EXTRA LEAVE FOR GAY AND LBIAN UPL, UP TO 10 DAYS, SO THAT SERVICE MEMBERS STATNED STAT THAT WON’T ALLOW THEM TO BE MARRIED N TRAVEL TO STAT N TRAVEL TO STAT WHERE SAME SEX MARRIAGE IS LEGAL. WH TWO WEEKS OF THE EXTRA LEAVE BEG APPROVED, ERWYNN AND WILL TOOK ADVANTAGE OF TO FORMALLY REGISTER AS A MARRIED UPLE.“WE ACTUALLY GOT MARRIED DELAWARE OVERNIGHT ON THE TWO YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF THE REPEAL OF DADT,” WILL SAID. ACRDG TO HIM, THE PROCS TO OBTA OFFICIAL MARRIAGE REGISTRATN WAS FAIRLY PALS.“ERWYNN JT WENT THROUGH HIS CHA OF MAND, TOLD THEM WHAT HE NEED TO DO. THEY APPROVED THE LEAVE VERY QUICKLY AND EASILY,” HE SAID.ONCE THEY SPED TO DELAWARE, STATE OFFICIALS WERE EAGER TO HELP THE UPLE.“YOU HAD TO HAVE TWO WNS [AND] WE’RE 120 OM HOME, WE DON’T KNOW ANYBODY,” WILL SAID. ”WE JT WENT OFFICE TO OFFICE AND PEOPLE WERE JUMPG TO BE OUR WNS … THE WERE SIMPLY EMPLOYE OF THE STATE OF DELAWARE WHO WANTED TO BE PART OF THIS,” HE SAID.JOHN GILLPIE, -CHAIR OF OUTSERVE SERVICE MEMBERS LEGAL DEFENSE NETWORK, SAID HE WAS UNAWARE OF ANY UPL ENUNTERG OPPOSN OBTAG A MARRIAGE LICENSE AS OF YET.“IT’S A LTLE EARLY TO SAY WHO HAS RECEIVED THEIR BENEFS AND WHO HASN’T,” HE SAID. “FULL IMPLEMENTATN HAS NOT BEEN ACHIEVED YET, AND THAT’S JT MORE OF AN ADMISTRATIVE PROBLEM THAN ANY ONE POLICY.”“THE GUIDANCE FOR HOW TO DO IS JT NOW G OUT TO THE DIFFERENT SERVICE BRANCH,” HE SAID.THE MAR WERE THE FIRST TO ISSUE GUIDANCE ON GRANTG BENEFS TO SAME SEX FAI, FOLLOWED BY THE ARMY AND THE NAVY. THE AIR FORCE IS CURRENTLY ISSUG GUIL.EVEN THOUGH IS EARLY THE PROCS, GILLPIE BELIEV THAT THE DEPARTMENT OF DEFENSE HAS SHOWN A MMENT TO EQUALY FOR SAME SEX UPL.“THE ARY IS ABSOLUTELY MOVG FORWARD AND MTED TO EQUALY FOR SAME SEX FAI,” HE SAID. “HOWEVER, THE ARY IS A GIANT BURECRACY AND THOSE DIRECTIV TAKE TIME TO IMPLEMENT—BASILLY, WE’RE WAY DOWN THE ROAD, BUT WE’RE NOT PLETELY TEGRATED YET. IT’S JT A MATTER OF TIME, I THK.”SAME SEX MARRIAGE STATISTICS AMONG SERVICE MEMBERS ARE DIFFICULT, IF NOT IMPOSSIBLE TO TRACK DOWN. THE DOD DO NOT KEEP RERDS OF MARRIAG ON ARY STALLATNS AND ARY BAS NTACTED BY THE DAILY BEAST DID NOT HAVE TIMAT OF HOW MANY SERVICE MEMBERS HAVE TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF THE DIRECTIVE. MEANWHILE, STAT ALSO DO NOT HAVE A STANDARDIZED POLICY FOR RERDG SAME SEX MARRIAG, WH SOME STAT ASKG UPL TO SELF-INTIFY AND OTHERS CREATG GENR-NTRAL REGISTRATN FORMS.MILARY CHAPLAS, CGHT BETWEEN CHURCH AND STATEWHILE IAL RPONS DITE THAT SAME SEX UPL THE SERVICE HAVE BEEN ABLE TO EXERCISE THEIR NEW MARRIAGE RIGHTS WHOUT SIGNIFINT RTRICTNS, THE ADOPTN OF NEW NORMS HAS BEEN MORE PROBLEMATIC FOR ARY CLERGY. ACRDG TO FOM ON MILARY CHAPLACY -CHAIR PL DODD, ARY CHAPLAS, WHO ARE CHARGED WH RRYG OUT DOD ORRS LIKE ALL SERVICE MEMBERS, N FACE REPRISALS OM THEIR RELIG LEARS FOR OFFICIATG OR SUPPORTG SAME-SEX MARRIAG.DODD SAID THAT SEVERAL CHRISTIAN NOMATNS SUCH AS THE SOUTHERN BAPTIST CHURCH AND THE ROMAN CATHOLIC CHURCH HAVE ASKED CHAPLAS NOT TO OFFICIATE SAME SEX WEDDGS OR RISK THEIR ENDORSEMENT BEG REVOKED BY THE CHURCH.THE NORTH AMERIN MISSN BOARD, AN ANIZATN THAT REGULAT NAMB ISSUED GUIL TO SOUTHERN BAPTIST CHAPLAS, CLARIFIED THAT CHAPLAS ENDORSED BY NAMB ARE ALLOWED TO REFER GAY UPL TO OTHER CHAPLAS.THE SOUTHERN BAPTISTS’ STCTNS STAT THAT CHAPLAS ENDORSED BY THE CHURCH MT RTRICT VIRTUALLY ANY ASSISTANCE AND SUPPORT OF SAME SEX UPL. ACRDG TO THE CHURCH’S GUIL, CHAPLAS NNOT NDUCT OR ATTEND A SAME-SEX WEDDG, BLS OR SUPPORT A CIVIL UNN, ANYWAY THAT WOULD “GIVE THE APPEARANCE OF ACCEPTG THE HOMOSEXUAL LIFTYLE OR SEXUAL WRONGDOG.”NAMB SPOKPERSON MIKE EBERT SAID THAT CHAPLAS WHO DO NOT PLY HAVE TWO OPTNS.“IF A CHAPLA FEELS THEY ARE NOT ABLE TO FULFILL THEIR MISTRY WH THOSE EXPECTATNS, THEY WOULD EHER RIGN THEIR ENDORSEMENT WH OR WE WOULD PULL ,” HE SAID.EBERT SAID THAT THE SOUTHERN BAPTIST CHURCH DO NOT ACTIVELY MONOR THEIR CHAPLAS.“WE HAVE A GOOD RELATNSHIP WH OUR CHAPLAS AND TST THEM TO EXERCISE THEIR MISTRY A WAY THAT IS NSISTENT WH SOUTHERN BAPTIST BELIEFS. WE NDUCT NFERENC AND TRAG THAT HELP RERCE THAT,” HE SAID.OTHER NOMATNS HAVE ISSUED SIARLY PROHIBIVE PROTOL FOR THEIR CHAPLAS. FOR STANCE, ROMAN CATHOLIC LEARS HAVE ISSUED GUIL STATG THAT THEY WOULD NOT BURY MARRIED GAY SOLDIERS.THIS ISSUE OF RELIG NFLICT HS CLOSE TO HOME FOR THE UMALI-BEHRENS. ATTENDG THEIR MARRIAGE TO SHOW SUPPORT FOR THE UPLE JEOPARDIZED THE ENDORSEMENT OF COL. TIMOTHY WAGONER, THE HEAD CHAPLA AT JOT BASE MCGUIRE-DIX-LAKEHURST WHO WAS THEN AFFILIATED WH THE SOUTHERN BAPTIST CONVENTN.“HE TALKED TO AS WE WENT ALONG THE PROCS TO MAKE SURE EVERYTHG WAS GOG SMOOTHLY, AND THE BASILLY KICKED HIM OUT JT FOR ATTENDG,” WILL SAID.“IT PUTS THE CHAPLA A TOUGH POSN BEE YOUR RELIGN DON’T BELIEVE , AND MAYBE YOU DON’T EHER, BUT WHEN YOU’RE A LEARSHIP ROLE … YOUR JOB IS TO BE THERE FOR YOUR AIRMEN,” HE SAID. WAGONER CHOSE HIS LEARSHIP ROLE AND HIS ENDORSEMENT OM NAMB WAS REVOKED. TODAY, HE NTU TO SERVE AS CHAPLA AFFILIATED WH THE COOPERATIVE BAPTIST FELLOWSHIP.“I FD VERY LTLE THAT IS MORE IMPORTANT AND NOTHG THAT IS MORE EXHILARATG THAN PROVIDG FOR THE RELIG EEDOMS AND SPIRUAL RE OF ALL SERVICE MEMBERS AND THEIR FAI—AND WILL JOYFULLY NTUE TO DO SO,” WAGONER SAID.CEREMONY“THE WONRFUL ARY TRADNS THAT HETEROSEXUALS FOR YEARS AND YEARS HAVE ENJOYED AS PART OF ARY CULTURE, AND ’S REALLY UNJT THAT SAME SEX UPL WHO ARE PROUD AND LOYAL CIZENS ARE NOT ALLOWED THE SAME PRIVILEGE,” DODD SAID.FOM -CHAIR TOM CARPENTER ADD THAT A ARY MARRIAGE CEREMONY ALSO ACTS AS A WAY TO DUCT NON-ARY SPOE TO THE ARY FAY BY SHOWSG ARY TRADNS AND THE MEANG BEHD THEM.“IT’S AN TNAL PROCS FOR THEM, AND THEN THEY FEEL LIKE THEY’RE PART OF THE FAY,” CARPENTER SAID.FOR THEIR CIVIL UNN, THE UMALI-BEHRENS REQUTED THE HONOR GUARD ON BASE TO NDUCT A RDON TO CREATE THE ARCH OF SWORDS FOR THE NEWLY WED UPLE TO WALK UNR.“ONE OF THE AIR FORCE TRADNS IS THAT THE LAST TWO PEOPLE ON THAT RDON DROP THEIR SWORDS… AND THE PERSON TO THEIR RIGHT WOULD SMACK THE CIVILIAN THE BUTT WH THE SWORD TO KD OF WELE THEM TO THE ARY FAY,” ERWYNN SAID WH A CHUCKLE.THE UMALI-BEHRENS’ CEREMONY RECEIVED MUCH MEDIA ATTENTN SUMMER OF 2012, WHEN THEIR CIVIL UNN WAS TOUTED AS THE FIRST SAME SEX MARRIAGE PERFORMED THE ARY—A LTLE TOO MUCH ATTENTN FOR FORT FOR THE UMALI-BEHRENS WHO HAD ARRANGED FOR AN TIMATE RE FOR THEMSELV.“WE DIDN’T KNOW THIS WAS GOG TO BE THIS BIG, BUT SEND OF ALL, WE DIDN’T NEED 15 REPORTERS STG THERE AND HOUNDG KIDS,” WILL REMEMBERED. THEIR FOUR CHILDREN, ALL OM THEIR PREV MARRIAG, WERE THE ONLY ‘GROOMSMEN’ WHO WALKED DOWN THE AISLE WH THE UPLE.“IT WAS ALL ABOUT AS A FAY, AND NOT ABOUT THE MEDIA ATTENTN,” WILL SAID. “Y THAT ALL ME, WAS ALL GREAT AND ALL, BUT WE REALLY WANTED TO BE AN ENURAGEMENT TO SHOW THAT NOT ONLY ULD YOU [GET MARRIED] AS A SAME SEX UPLE, BUT YOU ULD DO THIS WH KIDS.”ERWYNN SAID THAT THE CULTURE THE ARY HAS NOT CHANGED MUCH.“IF THEY DIDN’T REPEAL [DADT], WE’D SAY ‘YSIR, Y MA’AM, NO PROBLEM.’ SCE THEY DID REPEAL , WE SAY THE SAME THG: ‘YSIR, Y MA’M, NO PROBLEM,’” HE SAID.“I DIDN’T SEE THAT MUCH CHANGE,” ERWYNN RELLED. “SOME PEOPLE SMIRKED ABOUT , BUT THEN RIGHT AWAY THEY WERE LIKE, ‘WE’RE ALL ARY, WE N’T SAY THAT’ OR ‘WE N’T DO THIS’ SO THEY HAVE TO ADHERE TO THE STANDARDS AND THE POLICI THE ARY.”STATE-LEVEL PHBACK ON BENEFSERWYNN AND WILL SAID THAT THE ARY BENEFS THEY RECEIVED SCE BEG LEGALLY MARRIAGE HAVE MA A TREMENDO DIFFERENCE THEIR EVERYDAY LIV, EVEN AFTER THE CIVIL UNN.THEIR MARRIAGE ALSO ROLVED MANY OF THE DAILY NVENIENC THAT THEY HAD BEFORE, LIKE THE FACT THAT ERWYNN HAD TO MEET WILL AT THE GATE AND RT HIM ON BASE.BUT SOME STAT ARE PHG BACK AGAST THE DOD’S DIRECTIVE FOR SAME SEX UPL TO RECEIVE THE SAME BENEFS AS THEIR HETEROSEXUAL UNTERPARTS. CURRENTLY, GEIA AND LOUISIANA BAR SAME SEX NATNAL GUARD SPO OM REGISTERG FOR BENEFS, CG STATE THORY.THE GOVERNOR OF OKLAHOMA, MARY FALL, HAS GONE EVEN FURTHER. TO PREVENT GAY SERVICE MEMBERS OM RECEIVG SPOAL BENEFS SHE HAS ORRED STATE NATNAL GUARD FACILI TO STOP PROCSG MARRIAGE BENEFS FOR ALL SERVICE MEMBERS, CLUDG STRAIGHT UPL.OFFICIALS TEXAS HAD ALSO RECENTLY STOPPED PROCSG HOG BENEFS FOR SAME SEX UPL THE NATNAL GUARD.GILLPIE SAID THAT THE TEXAS AND OTHER STATE OFFICIALS WERE GETTG BY ON A TECHNILY, AS THE NATNAL GUARD IS UNR THE MAND OF THE STATE LEGISLATURE UNLS IS FERALIZED BY THE PRINT.“ALTHOUGH WE ABSOLUTELY DISAGREE WH THEIR POSN, AND WE ARE ACTIVELY WORKG TO CHANGE THAT POLICY,” GILLPIE SAID. “THE ISSUE OF THE RELCRANT NATNAL GUARDS IS BEG WORKED AT VERY HIGH LEVELS,” HE SAID.THE DOD APPROVED A POLICY THIS WEEK ALLOWG NATNAL GUARD MEMBERS TO REGISTER FOR BENEFS AT FERAL FACILI WH TEXAS, CREATG A WORK-AROUND FOR SERVICE MEMBERS THAT STATE.ERWYNN SAID THAT PATIENCE WAS KEY AS THE ARY NTU TO MOVE TOWARDS EQUALIZG UPL’ RIGHTS. HE AND HIS HBAND DIDN’T THK THAT THEY WOULD HAVE MARRIAGE BENEFS UNTIL FOUR OR FIVE YEARS DOWN THE LE.“THEN, A YEAR AND A HALF LATER, WE HAVE THEM,” HE SAID. HANQG CHEN
• SAME-SEX MARRIAGE NOW LEGAL FOR GAY MILARY COUPL ALL 50 STAT
• MILARY GAY UPL TO MARRY, GET NO BENEFS

FOR GAY UPL HOPG FOR A ARY BURIAL, THE FIGHT FOR LOVE DON’T END WH ATH

Campbell was the first gay veteran to secure burial rights for her spoe, and the pair were the first same-sex ary uple to be buried together at a US natnal cemetery. The right to a ary burial for gay spo was guaranteed natnwi wh the legalizatn of same-sex marriage 2015, but only a handful of known same-sex ary upl are buried across the 172 natnal cemeteri the US – grounds rerved chiefly for ary members and selected fay.

However, gay veterans have always fought for their right to be clud and celebrated such spac.

Their tombston shout to the silence: “Gay is good, ” reads a plaque below the grave of Frank Kameny, an inic activist, civil servant and World War II veteran. A glossy namels marble headstone marks the grave of Leonard Matlovich, one of the first LGBTQ veterans to prott the ary’s ban on homosexualy, as one belongg to “A Gay Vietnam Veteran. But there are some thgs that I've noticed durg my time as an openly gay Mare Corps spoe and veteran.

WHAT IS IT LIKE TO BE A GAY MILARY COUPLE?

Gay marriage supporters hold a gay rights flag ont of the Supreme Court before a hearg about gay marriage Washgton April 28, 2015. At the time, former Print Bill Clton's policy, "don't ask, don't tell" was effect, barrg homosexual or bisexual members of the ary om disclosg his or her sexual orientatn and om speakg about homosexual remembered thkg, “this guy has a lot of guts, and he’s kd of cute, too.

"So we put our mds that we were never gog to say we were gay, we were never gog to get ma fun of, and we were certaly never gog to get kicked out of the Army. Back then, the US ary did not regnize out gay and lbian service – and certaly did not regnize gay subjected LGBT ary upl to the merci of plex burecraci – and, Nelson's se, visa, ctoms and immigratn thori – that never imperiled straight had overstayed his 90-day visa Germany.

Ls than two months after the US supreme urt stck down a feral law fg marriage as a unn between a man and a woman, the Pentagon on Wednday unveiled a sweepg set of chang that extend to gay spo the same benefs available to straight on. The extensn of marriage benefs to gay ary spo, an evable oute of DADT repeal, unrsr the sweepg cultural change that Ameri – not jt the ary – has experienced such a short perd of time. "They're now workg as fast as an Amerin ernment burecracy possibly n to provi equal benefs, " said Denny Meyer, a former navy enlisted sailor and army rerve nonmissned officer who now works as a spokman for Amerin Veterans for Equal Rights, which promot gay-straight equaly the ary.

FIRST ACTIVE-DUTY GAY COUPLE MARRIED AT WT POT

A new benefs policy released Wednday by the Pentagon go a step not all US stat regnize gay marriage, the ary is permtg 7 to 10 days of paid leave, not untable agast the 30 days of annual leave received by servicemembers, "for travel to a state or jurisdictn that allows same-sex upl to be married, " acrdg to a memorandum signed on Tuday by actg unr-secretary of fense for personnel and reads Jsi Wright. "This will provi accelerated accs to the full range of benefs offered to married ary upl throughout the Department, and help level the playg field between oppose-sex and same-sex upl seekg to be married, " explaed navy Lt Comm Nate Christensen, a Pentagon sence, the Pentagon is not simply providg equal benefs to gay upl, is removg an stutnal roadblock to gay marriage among servicemembers – a change unthkable as recently as two years ago. WASHINGTON — Pentagon officials announced Wednday that the DOD will provi marriage benefs to same-sex upl for the first time, givg gay spo accs to health re, hog allowanc and fay separatn pay.

The move ltle more than a month after the Supreme Court stck down the Defense of Marriage Act, which Defense Department lears have said prevented them om offerg feral marriage benefs to gay troops. Thirteen stat and the District of Columbia currently allow gay marriag. Troops si the Uned Stat but statned more than 100 om a state that allows gay marriage will have seven days.

GAY ARY UPL WELE PENTAGON CISN TO EXTEND BENEFS

Gay troops who are already legally married uld see retroactive benefs back to June 26, the date of the Supreme Court cisn. Sce the ary’s “don’t ask, don’t tell” law was repealed 2011, gay rights advot have phed for extensn of the married uple benefs to same-sex troops, argug that the policy still amounted to discrimatn the ranks.

Mark Mazzone, spokman for the ary LGBT advocy group SPART*A, said the chang will be a fancial boost to many same-sex upl th far prived of equal benefs, and the leave time for travel to stat that allow same-sex marriage show the ary is mted to reachg out to gay troops.

The chang apply only to “legally married same-sex upl” and not gay troops who have state-backed civil unns.

I THOUGHT I COULD SERVE AS AN OPENLY GAY MAN THE ARMY. THEN CAME THE DEATH THREATS.

Our life 17 photos: A gay sailor’s love story.

The anti-gay law has ser ramifitns for Dwayne and Jonathan.

Sce 2011, openly gay, lbian and bisexual men and women have been permted to serve the ary. It wasn’t until 1982 that the ary enacted a policy explicly banng gay men and lbians om their ranks. And the early 1940s, was classified as a mental illns, disqualifyg gay men and lbians om service.

GAY ARY UPLE’S WEDDG PHOTO PROV WE’VE E A LONG WAY

Eighteen years later, Congrs repealed the policy, allowg openly gay, lbian and bisexual people to serve the ary. In rponse, and apparently to monstrate his petency his assigned posn, the nonmissned officer had taken upon himself to approach the person he nsired cled toward mtg a siar offense the future: me, the only openly gay soldier my un. Together we approached our un’s learship, where she sisted that the ments had stemmed om the reprentative’s own homophobic feelgs and remend that he be reprimand and removed om his posn as the un’s sexual harassment watchdog.

STAT SEEK TO TURN BACK CLOCK ON MILARY GAY COUPL WH MARRIAGE RIGHTSMARRIAGE RIGHTSGAY UPL THE ARY ARE TAKG ADVANTAGE OF THE PENTAGON’S ORR EXTENDG FULL MARRIAGE RIGHTS TO ALL SERVICE MEMBERS, BUT SOME STAT ARE FIGHTG TO NY THEM BENEFS. HANQG CHENUPDATED APR. 17, 2017 3:59PM EDT / PUBLISHED NOV. 28, 2013 5:45AM EST COURTY OF ERWYNN UMALI-BEHRENS SCE SEPTEMBER 20TH, U.S. AIR FORCE TECH. SGT. ERWYNN AND HIS HBAND WILL UMALI-BEHRENS HAVE BEEN ABLE TO BREATH A SIGH OF RELIEF—THEIR FOUR CHILD HOEHOLD NO LONGER HAS TO PAY FOR HEALTH SURANCE THAT STS MORE THAN BOTH THEIR R PAYMENTS BED.“WH A FLICK OF A PEN, REALLY HELPED FANCIALLY,” WILL SAID.MILARY SERVICE MEMBERS HAVE JT BEGUN TO EXERCISE THEIR NEW MARRIAGE RIGHTS AND THE SPOAL BENEFS THAT E WH THEM BUT THERE HAVE ALSO BEEN POCKETS OF RISTANCE OM BOTH CHURCH AND STATE OFFICIALS. AT THE LOL LEVEL A HALF DOZEN STAT ARE ACTIVELY WORKG TO UNRME FERAL DIRECTIV AND NY BENEFS TO SERVICE MEMBERS SAME SEX MARRIAG WHILE, ON A DIFFERENT ONT, SOME CHURCH HAVE THREATENED ARY CHAPLAS WHO PERFORM WEDDGS FOR GAY UPL WH HAVG THEIR ORDATNS REVOKED.GAY MEMBERS OF THE ARY CLEARED SEVERAL HURDL ON THE ROAD TO EQUALY THE PAST FEW MONTHS, BEGNG WH THE PENTAGON EXTENDG MARRIAGE BENEFS TO SAME SEX UPL AUGT (PDF). THEN, SEPTEMBER THE ARY APPROVED EXTRA LEAVE FOR GAY AND LBIAN UPL, UP TO 10 DAYS, SO THAT SERVICE MEMBERS STATNED STAT THAT WON’T ALLOW THEM TO BE MARRIED N TRAVEL TO STAT N TRAVEL TO STAT WHERE SAME SEX MARRIAGE IS LEGAL. WH TWO WEEKS OF THE EXTRA LEAVE BEG APPROVED, ERWYNN AND WILL TOOK ADVANTAGE OF TO FORMALLY REGISTER AS A MARRIED UPLE.“WE ACTUALLY GOT MARRIED DELAWARE OVERNIGHT ON THE TWO YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF THE REPEAL OF DADT,” WILL SAID. ACRDG TO HIM, THE PROCS TO OBTA OFFICIAL MARRIAGE REGISTRATN WAS FAIRLY PALS.“ERWYNN JT WENT THROUGH HIS CHA OF MAND, TOLD THEM WHAT HE NEED TO DO. THEY APPROVED THE LEAVE VERY QUICKLY AND EASILY,” HE SAID.ONCE THEY SPED TO DELAWARE, STATE OFFICIALS WERE EAGER TO HELP THE UPLE.“YOU HAD TO HAVE TWO WNS [AND] WE’RE 120 OM HOME, WE DON’T KNOW ANYBODY,” WILL SAID. ”WE JT WENT OFFICE TO OFFICE AND PEOPLE WERE JUMPG TO BE OUR WNS … THE WERE SIMPLY EMPLOYE OF THE STATE OF DELAWARE WHO WANTED TO BE PART OF THIS,” HE SAID.JOHN GILLPIE, -CHAIR OF OUTSERVE SERVICE MEMBERS LEGAL DEFENSE NETWORK, SAID HE WAS UNAWARE OF ANY UPL ENUNTERG OPPOSN OBTAG A MARRIAGE LICENSE AS OF YET.“IT’S A LTLE EARLY TO SAY WHO HAS RECEIVED THEIR BENEFS AND WHO HASN’T,” HE SAID. “FULL IMPLEMENTATN HAS NOT BEEN ACHIEVED YET, AND THAT’S JT MORE OF AN ADMISTRATIVE PROBLEM THAN ANY ONE POLICY.”“THE GUIDANCE FOR HOW TO DO IS JT NOW G OUT TO THE DIFFERENT SERVICE BRANCH,” HE SAID.THE MAR WERE THE FIRST TO ISSUE GUIDANCE ON GRANTG BENEFS TO SAME SEX FAI, FOLLOWED BY THE ARMY AND THE NAVY. THE AIR FORCE IS CURRENTLY ISSUG GUIL.EVEN THOUGH IS EARLY THE PROCS, GILLPIE BELIEV THAT THE DEPARTMENT OF DEFENSE HAS SHOWN A MMENT TO EQUALY FOR SAME SEX UPL.“THE ARY IS ABSOLUTELY MOVG FORWARD AND MTED TO EQUALY FOR SAME SEX FAI,” HE SAID. “HOWEVER, THE ARY IS A GIANT BURECRACY AND THOSE DIRECTIV TAKE TIME TO IMPLEMENT—BASILLY, WE’RE WAY DOWN THE ROAD, BUT WE’RE NOT PLETELY TEGRATED YET. IT’S JT A MATTER OF TIME, I THK.”SAME SEX MARRIAGE STATISTICS AMONG SERVICE MEMBERS ARE DIFFICULT, IF NOT IMPOSSIBLE TO TRACK DOWN. THE DOD DO NOT KEEP RERDS OF MARRIAG ON ARY STALLATNS AND ARY BAS NTACTED BY THE DAILY BEAST DID NOT HAVE TIMAT OF HOW MANY SERVICE MEMBERS HAVE TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF THE DIRECTIVE. MEANWHILE, STAT ALSO DO NOT HAVE A STANDARDIZED POLICY FOR RERDG SAME SEX MARRIAG, WH SOME STAT ASKG UPL TO SELF-INTIFY AND OTHERS CREATG GENR-NTRAL REGISTRATN FORMS.MILARY CHAPLAS, CGHT BETWEEN CHURCH AND STATEWHILE IAL RPONS DITE THAT SAME SEX UPL THE SERVICE HAVE BEEN ABLE TO EXERCISE THEIR NEW MARRIAGE RIGHTS WHOUT SIGNIFINT RTRICTNS, THE ADOPTN OF NEW NORMS HAS BEEN MORE PROBLEMATIC FOR ARY CLERGY. ACRDG TO FOM ON MILARY CHAPLACY -CHAIR PL DODD, ARY CHAPLAS, WHO ARE CHARGED WH RRYG OUT DOD ORRS LIKE ALL SERVICE MEMBERS, N FACE REPRISALS OM THEIR RELIG LEARS FOR OFFICIATG OR SUPPORTG SAME-SEX MARRIAG.DODD SAID THAT SEVERAL CHRISTIAN NOMATNS SUCH AS THE SOUTHERN BAPTIST CHURCH AND THE ROMAN CATHOLIC CHURCH HAVE ASKED CHAPLAS NOT TO OFFICIATE SAME SEX WEDDGS OR RISK THEIR ENDORSEMENT BEG REVOKED BY THE CHURCH.THE NORTH AMERIN MISSN BOARD, AN ANIZATN THAT REGULAT NAMB ISSUED GUIL TO SOUTHERN BAPTIST CHAPLAS, CLARIFIED THAT CHAPLAS ENDORSED BY NAMB ARE ALLOWED TO REFER GAY UPL TO OTHER CHAPLAS.THE SOUTHERN BAPTISTS’ STCTNS STAT THAT CHAPLAS ENDORSED BY THE CHURCH MT RTRICT VIRTUALLY ANY ASSISTANCE AND SUPPORT OF SAME SEX UPL. ACRDG TO THE CHURCH’S GUIL, CHAPLAS NNOT NDUCT OR ATTEND A SAME-SEX WEDDG, BLS OR SUPPORT A CIVIL UNN, ANYWAY THAT WOULD “GIVE THE APPEARANCE OF ACCEPTG THE HOMOSEXUAL LIFTYLE OR SEXUAL WRONGDOG.”NAMB SPOKPERSON MIKE EBERT SAID THAT CHAPLAS WHO DO NOT PLY HAVE TWO OPTNS.“IF A CHAPLA FEELS THEY ARE NOT ABLE TO FULFILL THEIR MISTRY WH THOSE EXPECTATNS, THEY WOULD EHER RIGN THEIR ENDORSEMENT WH OR WE WOULD PULL ,” HE SAID.EBERT SAID THAT THE SOUTHERN BAPTIST CHURCH DO NOT ACTIVELY MONOR THEIR CHAPLAS.“WE HAVE A GOOD RELATNSHIP WH OUR CHAPLAS AND TST THEM TO EXERCISE THEIR MISTRY A WAY THAT IS NSISTENT WH SOUTHERN BAPTIST BELIEFS. WE NDUCT NFERENC AND TRAG THAT HELP RERCE THAT,” HE SAID.OTHER NOMATNS HAVE ISSUED SIARLY PROHIBIVE PROTOL FOR THEIR CHAPLAS. FOR STANCE, ROMAN CATHOLIC LEARS HAVE ISSUED GUIL STATG THAT THEY WOULD NOT BURY MARRIED GAY SOLDIERS.THIS ISSUE OF RELIG NFLICT HS CLOSE TO HOME FOR THE UMALI-BEHRENS. ATTENDG THEIR MARRIAGE TO SHOW SUPPORT FOR THE UPLE JEOPARDIZED THE ENDORSEMENT OF COL. TIMOTHY WAGONER, THE HEAD CHAPLA AT JOT BASE MCGUIRE-DIX-LAKEHURST WHO WAS THEN AFFILIATED WH THE SOUTHERN BAPTIST CONVENTN.“HE TALKED TO AS WE WENT ALONG THE PROCS TO MAKE SURE EVERYTHG WAS GOG SMOOTHLY, AND THE BASILLY KICKED HIM OUT JT FOR ATTENDG,” WILL SAID.“IT PUTS THE CHAPLA A TOUGH POSN BEE YOUR RELIGN DON’T BELIEVE , AND MAYBE YOU DON’T EHER, BUT WHEN YOU’RE A LEARSHIP ROLE … YOUR JOB IS TO BE THERE FOR YOUR AIRMEN,” HE SAID. WAGONER CHOSE HIS LEARSHIP ROLE AND HIS ENDORSEMENT OM NAMB WAS REVOKED. TODAY, HE NTU TO SERVE AS CHAPLA AFFILIATED WH THE COOPERATIVE BAPTIST FELLOWSHIP.“I FD VERY LTLE THAT IS MORE IMPORTANT AND NOTHG THAT IS MORE EXHILARATG THAN PROVIDG FOR THE RELIG EEDOMS AND SPIRUAL RE OF ALL SERVICE MEMBERS AND THEIR FAI—AND WILL JOYFULLY NTUE TO DO SO,” WAGONER SAID.CEREMONY“THE WONRFUL ARY TRADNS THAT HETEROSEXUALS FOR YEARS AND YEARS HAVE ENJOYED AS PART OF ARY CULTURE, AND ’S REALLY UNJT THAT SAME SEX UPL WHO ARE PROUD AND LOYAL CIZENS ARE NOT ALLOWED THE SAME PRIVILEGE,” DODD SAID.FOM -CHAIR TOM CARPENTER ADD THAT A ARY MARRIAGE CEREMONY ALSO ACTS AS A WAY TO DUCT NON-ARY SPOE TO THE ARY FAY BY SHOWSG ARY TRADNS AND THE MEANG BEHD THEM.“IT’S AN TNAL PROCS FOR THEM, AND THEN THEY FEEL LIKE THEY’RE PART OF THE FAY,” CARPENTER SAID.FOR THEIR CIVIL UNN, THE UMALI-BEHRENS REQUTED THE HONOR GUARD ON BASE TO NDUCT A RDON TO CREATE THE ARCH OF SWORDS FOR THE NEWLY WED UPLE TO WALK UNR.“ONE OF THE AIR FORCE TRADNS IS THAT THE LAST TWO PEOPLE ON THAT RDON DROP THEIR SWORDS… AND THE PERSON TO THEIR RIGHT WOULD SMACK THE CIVILIAN THE BUTT WH THE SWORD TO KD OF WELE THEM TO THE ARY FAY,” ERWYNN SAID WH A CHUCKLE.THE UMALI-BEHRENS’ CEREMONY RECEIVED MUCH MEDIA ATTENTN SUMMER OF 2012, WHEN THEIR CIVIL UNN WAS TOUTED AS THE FIRST SAME SEX MARRIAGE PERFORMED THE ARY—A LTLE TOO MUCH ATTENTN FOR FORT FOR THE UMALI-BEHRENS WHO HAD ARRANGED FOR AN TIMATE RE FOR THEMSELV.“WE DIDN’T KNOW THIS WAS GOG TO BE THIS BIG, BUT SEND OF ALL, WE DIDN’T NEED 15 REPORTERS STG THERE AND HOUNDG KIDS,” WILL REMEMBERED. THEIR FOUR CHILDREN, ALL OM THEIR PREV MARRIAG, WERE THE ONLY ‘GROOMSMEN’ WHO WALKED DOWN THE AISLE WH THE UPLE.“IT WAS ALL ABOUT AS A FAY, AND NOT ABOUT THE MEDIA ATTENTN,” WILL SAID. “Y THAT ALL ME, WAS ALL GREAT AND ALL, BUT WE REALLY WANTED TO BE AN ENURAGEMENT TO SHOW THAT NOT ONLY ULD YOU [GET MARRIED] AS A SAME SEX UPLE, BUT YOU ULD DO THIS WH KIDS.”ERWYNN SAID THAT THE CULTURE THE ARY HAS NOT CHANGED MUCH.“IF THEY DIDN’T REPEAL [DADT], WE’D SAY ‘YSIR, Y MA’AM, NO PROBLEM.’ SCE THEY DID REPEAL , WE SAY THE SAME THG: ‘YSIR, Y MA’M, NO PROBLEM,’” HE SAID.“I DIDN’T SEE THAT MUCH CHANGE,” ERWYNN RELLED. “SOME PEOPLE SMIRKED ABOUT , BUT THEN RIGHT AWAY THEY WERE LIKE, ‘WE’RE ALL ARY, WE N’T SAY THAT’ OR ‘WE N’T DO THIS’ SO THEY HAVE TO ADHERE TO THE STANDARDS AND THE POLICI THE ARY.”STATE-LEVEL PHBACK ON BENEFSERWYNN AND WILL SAID THAT THE ARY BENEFS THEY RECEIVED SCE BEG LEGALLY MARRIAGE HAVE MA A TREMENDO DIFFERENCE THEIR EVERYDAY LIV, EVEN AFTER THE CIVIL UNN.THEIR MARRIAGE ALSO ROLVED MANY OF THE DAILY NVENIENC THAT THEY HAD BEFORE, LIKE THE FACT THAT ERWYNN HAD TO MEET WILL AT THE GATE AND RT HIM ON BASE.BUT SOME STAT ARE PHG BACK AGAST THE DOD’S DIRECTIVE FOR SAME SEX UPL TO RECEIVE THE SAME BENEFS AS THEIR HETEROSEXUAL UNTERPARTS. CURRENTLY, GEIA AND LOUISIANA BAR SAME SEX NATNAL GUARD SPO OM REGISTERG FOR BENEFS, CG STATE THORY.THE GOVERNOR OF OKLAHOMA, MARY FALL, HAS GONE EVEN FURTHER. TO PREVENT GAY SERVICE MEMBERS OM RECEIVG SPOAL BENEFS SHE HAS ORRED STATE NATNAL GUARD FACILI TO STOP PROCSG MARRIAGE BENEFS FOR ALL SERVICE MEMBERS, CLUDG STRAIGHT UPL.OFFICIALS TEXAS HAD ALSO RECENTLY STOPPED PROCSG HOG BENEFS FOR SAME SEX UPL THE NATNAL GUARD.GILLPIE SAID THAT THE TEXAS AND OTHER STATE OFFICIALS WERE GETTG BY ON A TECHNILY, AS THE NATNAL GUARD IS UNR THE MAND OF THE STATE LEGISLATURE UNLS IS FERALIZED BY THE PRINT.“ALTHOUGH WE ABSOLUTELY DISAGREE WH THEIR POSN, AND WE ARE ACTIVELY WORKG TO CHANGE THAT POLICY,” GILLPIE SAID. “THE ISSUE OF THE RELCRANT NATNAL GUARDS IS BEG WORKED AT VERY HIGH LEVELS,” HE SAID.THE DOD APPROVED A POLICY THIS WEEK ALLOWG NATNAL GUARD MEMBERS TO REGISTER FOR BENEFS AT FERAL FACILI WH TEXAS, CREATG A WORK-AROUND FOR SERVICE MEMBERS THAT STATE.ERWYNN SAID THAT PATIENCE WAS KEY AS THE ARY NTU TO MOVE TOWARDS EQUALIZG UPL’ RIGHTS. HE AND HIS HBAND DIDN’T THK THAT THEY WOULD HAVE MARRIAGE BENEFS UNTIL FOUR OR FIVE YEARS DOWN THE LE.“THEN, A YEAR AND A HALF LATER, WE HAVE THEM,” HE SAID. HANQG CHEN

But by then was hard to ignore the anxiety I felt durg required social activi — “mandatory fun, ” as ’s lled the ary — or the tensn om my fellow moment I cid to bee a soldier and the moment I chose to live openly as a gay man occurred so closely time that ’s hard to remember which me first. It was still four months before the repeal of “don’t ask, don’t tell, ” a double-edged policy prohibg askg any service member about his or her sexualy while enforcg a ban on openly gay service members. Mike and Abe were to mentor me on how to survive as a gay serviceman.

As long as gay soldiers kept their mouths shut, the burn of proof fell on those makg the accatns.

SAME-SEX MARRIAGE NOW LEGAL FOR GAY MILARY COUPL ALL 50 STAT

A uple were more elaborate: tailed scriptns of what might happen to me if I was ught alone, and proclamatns about the wrongns of gays the ary. There are moments when feels wrong to claim my stat as a veteran; as if beg gay ma me ls of a soldier and somehow validated my service. Every memory evok an emotn: rage that I had to serve wh a nstant sense of fear of my fellow soldiers; paralyzg sadns for those who endured ab worse than I n know; and, the worst, guilt over the service members — gay or straight or transgenr — who died while servg the ary while my body is still whole.

Many were also om fellow ary personnel and veterans who had firsthand experience wh Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell — our untry’s 18-year ban on openly gay ary servicemen and servicewomen. Fortunately that policy was officially lifted by Print Obama back September 2011, and now that ’s legal for anyone the gay muny Ameri to marry, more and more ary personnel are takg their vows. Before "don't ask, don't tell" was officially repealed for gay, lbian, and bisexual ary personnel 2011, a photo of a male Mare drag uld have land him hot water.

"Lbian, gay, and bisexual ary personnel had been servg our untry for s whout receivg equal protectn, while transgenr troops are still prohibed om servg openly. "As a gay man, I n relate to what is still the opprsive stigma of homosexualy.

MILARY GAY UPL TO MARRY, GET NO BENEFS

At the lol level a half dozen stat are actively workg to unrme feral directiv and ny benefs to service members same sex marriag while, on a different ont, some church have threatened ary chaplas who perform weddgs for gay upl wh havg their ordatns members of the ary cleared several hurdl on the road to equaly the past few months, begng wh the Pentagon extendg marriage benefs to same sex upl Augt (PDF).

Then, September the ary approved extra leave for gay and lbian upl, up to 10 days, so that service members statned stat that won’t allow them to be married n travel to stat n travel to stat where same sex marriage is two weeks of the extra leave beg approved, Erwynn and Will took advantage of to formally register as a married uple.