'Did I ever really know him?': the women who married gay men | LGBTQ+ rights | The Guardian

Contents:

• GAY MEN HAVG SEX WH WOMEN?
• "WE DO HAVE A VERY GOOD SEX LIFE": GAY MEN WH STRAIGHT WIV ARE G OUT -- AS HAPPILY MARRIED
• DWIGHT HOWARD SUED BY MAN CLAIMG NBA STAR FORCED HIM TO HAVE GAY THREOME
• IS MY HBAND GAY? SIGNS OF A GAY HBAND
• WHEN GAY MEN (MIS)MARRY STRAIGHT WOMEN: BONNIE KAYE'S STORY
• STRAIGHT WOMEN AND THEIR GAY HBANDS
• CAN A GAY PERSON HAVE SEX WH A FEMALE?
• 'DID I EVER REALLY KNOW HIM?': THE WOMEN WHO MARRIED GAY MEN
• IS YOUR MAN GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?
• WHY SOME STRAIGHT PEOPLE MIGHT HAVE GAY SEX
• MY HBAND IS GAY BUT WE’RE MARRIED WH TWO KIDS AND HAVE GREAT SEX
• 5 THGS STRAIGHT PEOPLE DON’T KNOW ABOUT GAY SEX

GAY MEN HAVG SEX WH WOMEN?

To answer your qutn plaly wh the rmatn that you’ve shared, ’s likely that some gay men do have sexual relatnships wh women to hi their te orientatn, due to fear of g out. Ined, there are gay men who feel prsured to mask their sexualy bee of cultural, faial, relig, or personal beliefs that beg gay is wrong.

It's also possible that someone who intifi as gay may want to have sex wh someone of another genr.

"WE DO HAVE A VERY GOOD SEX LIFE": GAY MEN WH STRAIGHT WIV ARE G OUT -- AS HAPPILY MARRIED

In that stance, a cisgenr gay man may be able to get an erectn and ejaculate equally well. In fact, some surveys have shown that gay men have had sex wh people of other genrs throughout their life.

And, although scientific studi this field are rare, sexual aroal to women has been measured groups of men wh several different sexual orientatns, cludg those who intify as gay.

DWIGHT HOWARD SUED BY MAN CLAIMG NBA STAR FORCED HIM TO HAVE GAY THREOME

Archiv, sexual orientatn is ually prised of several parts: attractn, how one acts on that attractn, and how one intifi (gay, straight, bisexual, etc). People often thk about beg straight, gay, bisexual, or other inti as both a person's romantic and sexual attractns. A cisgenr man may experience romantic attractn towards other men, sexual attractn towards men and women, but he choos to intify as gay.

Another cisgenr man that same suatn may choose to intify as homoromantic bisexual.

Surveys among high school stunts found differenc between inty and sexual behavrs, wh many of the self-intified gay or lbian stunts mentng that they engage sexual activi wh those of other genrs. Weed is a practicg Mormon and the Church’s current stance on the topic of homosexualy n be summed up like so: “The attractn self is not a s, but actg on is.

IS MY HBAND GAY? SIGNS OF A GAY HBAND

” While Weed says he do not pass judgment on gay relatnships general, when me to his own life, he says, “I didn’t feel was right. In fact, the term “same-sex attracted, ” or SSA, has taken off as the notn of “ex-gays” has fallen out of favor. There are some key differenc between the two groups: “Ex-gays” believe that they have succsfully “cured” themselv of homosexualy.

“Ex-gays” have a rightful reputatn for beg bigoted, whereas SSAs are not necsarily opposed to homosexualy. (Note that Ksey’s “Sexual Behavr the Human Male” found that only 10 percent of men were "more or ls exclively homosexual. Although he once supported nversn therapy, about a ago he me out agast and do not believe that gay people n be ma straight.

” This n mean that a client cis to embrace a gay inty over their relig inty. But there are plenty of SSA men who believe that homosexual behavrs are a relig s -- and, as the recent amic brief shows, some are willg to go so far as to policize their inty orr to fight equal rights for gays.

WHEN GAY MEN (MIS)MARRY STRAIGHT WOMEN: BONNIE KAYE'S STORY

There was even a recent TLC documentary, "My Hband's Not Gay, " about Mormon hoeholds Utah posed of same-sex attracted men married to women. "In some ways, a very relig, exclively gay man married to an asexual woman, they n have a very nice iendship, a very wonrful relatnship many ways, and wouldn't be a fay therapist's dream, but would be fe for them.

In one msage, Howard explas that he’s not gay, he’s “j alil nasty sometim.

STRAIGHT WOMEN AND THEIR GAY HBANDS

Harper and Howard, who has never intified as gay or bisexual, met on social media and arranged to have sex. Sometim a woman may have been a heterosexual relatnship for years and yet feel somethg is somehow "off;" and she may fd herself askg, "Is my hband gay? " Many women fd this qutn unthkable but acrdg to Bonnie Kaye,, an expert women married to gay men, is timated that 4 ln women have been, or are, married to gay men.

CAN A GAY PERSON HAVE SEX WH A FEMALE?

If a hband is gay, n vastate not only the relatnship but the straight wife as well. If the hband is hont wh both you and wh himself (read: How Do I Know If I Am Gay?

Unfortunately, is timated that 50% of gay hbands hi their homosexualy om their wiv and don't reach this place of honty on their own.

'DID I EVER REALLY KNOW HIM?': THE WOMEN WHO MARRIED GAY MEN

In many s, is the wife, who after spectg that somethg is wrong, mt nont the gay hband wh the evince, and only then n hontly be achieved. But if you're wonrg, "Is my man gay, " might be helpful to know that there are signs to look for, acrdg to Kaye.

IS YOUR MAN GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?

Kaye has veloped the Official Gay Hband Checklist to help women know if their hbands are gay. You fd pop-ups of gay pornography on the puter while he claims they are not his.

He viss gay bars claimg he's there only to hang out wh his gay iend(s).

He mak ntual homophobic ments or he mak too many gay ments nversatns. A hband may be gay and display none of those signs or a hband may display the signs and not be gay.

WHY SOME STRAIGHT PEOPLE MIGHT HAVE GAY SEX

Kaye advis that women "follow their stcts" when cidg whether their hband may be gay. If turns out that a hband is, fact, gay, the fallout n be difficult to al wh, particularly for the straight partner. (If you're thkg that you n cure the gay by havg your hband go to gay nversn therapy, read this.

What's important to remember is that the hband's homosexualy is entirely his rponsibily and has nothg to do wh the wife. The wife has not been aquate any way and likely the gay hband married her bee he tly red about her.

MY HBAND IS GAY BUT WE’RE MARRIED WH TWO KIDS AND HAVE GREAT SEX

Some gay men believe that beg married n rid them of their homosexualy. "Navratilova, a trailblazer for gay rights, tweeted a one-word rponse: "Yik...

I recently spoke wh Bonnie Kaye, thor of Straight Wiv, Shattered Liv: Stori of Women wh Gay Hbands, among other books, and host of Bonnie Kaye’s Straight Wiv Talk Show on BlogTalkRad.

Bonnie has spent much of her adult life first livg wh and attemptg to love a gay hband and then helpg other women the same mis-marriage suatn. Bee I know untls gay men who were once married to straight women, wh varyg gre of short and longer-term happs and misery, I wanted to discs this topic, and I wanted to do so om the straight wiv’ perspective. Our discsn was wi-rangg, begng wh her own marriage to a gay man and progrsg to how she was able to move on post-marriage, eventually beg a rock for other women siar suatns.

5 THGS STRAIGHT PEOPLE DON’T KNOW ABOUT GAY SEX

So if somebody told me they’d tried somethg but they didn’t like , there would be no reason for me to thk that the person was gay. He was a karate teacher, martial arts, a strong guy, looked like Sylvter Stallone, and gay was not one of the issu I thought about wh him.

There were issu wh him om the start, but nothg to make me thk that he might be gay.