What to Do When Your Child Says: "I'm Gay" | Psychology Today

Contents:

• WOULD YOU/ DID YOU KNOW YOUR SON WAS GAY OM AN EARLY AGE?
• WHEN DID YOU KNOW YOU WERE GAY?
• IS YOUR CHILD GAY?
• WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"
• PARENT SPECTS THAT CHILD MIGHT BE GAY
• EARLY SIGNS TO TELL YOUR CHILD IS GAY
• HOW TO TELL IF YOUR KID IS GAY
• OUR SEVEN-YEAR-OLD SON TOLD HE WAS GAY
• WHEN YOU FD OUT YOUR CHILD IS GAY

WOULD YOU/ DID YOU KNOW YOUR SON WAS GAY OM AN EARLY AGE?

One of the thgs that I noticed was almost every parent said that they always knew their child was gay and even knew before their child knew.

WHEN DID YOU KNOW YOU WERE GAY?

Parents of gay children, when did you realize your child might be gay, and how did make you feel? Taylor shar the story of a viral 3-year-old boy who plays wh dolls, lov drsg up as Elsa om Disney's Frozen, and clar that he is gay. The kids that played wh toys not meant for their genr were much more likely to be homosexual 12 years later.

Of the llege stunts they surveyed, 26% of self-intified gay and bisexual llege stunts beme aware of their sexual preference llege, 48% high self-intified gay and bisexual men, 20% knew junr high school, and 17% knew gra school. Wh women, 6% knew junr high school, and 11% knew gra a 3-year-old don't fully unrstand what beg gay means (even the nt admted that he uld change his md  the future), a fay allowg their son to fearlsly be whoever he wants to be om such an early age uld be monumental his formative years.

IS YOUR CHILD GAY?

Then he addrsed the class, stctg each to take out a piece of paper and a pen and wre down the moment when we all realized we were gay. I had already been asked a ln tim, "When did you know you were gay", but I was thrilled to have someone state the qutn aloud, the ntext of an amic exercise.

If I was gay, I wonred if meant that I would be required to cut my hair to a buzzcut like the (first, ostensibly) lbian (I had ever nfirmed as such) my mother had poted out to me at the Ralph Lren outlet a middle-class untry town you might fd somewhere like Vermont; a untry town where you might fd lbians. Both lbians and gay men often have a history of cross-sex-typed behavrs: ltle boys beg fatuated wh their mother's makp k; ltle girls enamored of field hockey or profsnal wrtlg.

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"

Prehomosexual boys tend to be more attracted to solary sports such as swimmg, cyclg and tennis than they are to rougher ntact sports such as football and soccer. Children who show pronounced sex-atypil behavrs may have more of a geic loadg to their homosexualy.

The behavral patterns are feared, loathed and often spoken of directly as harbgers of adult homosexualy.

PARENT SPECTS THAT CHILD MIGHT BE GAY

It is only relatively recently, however, that velopmental scientists have nducted ntrolled studi to intify the earlit and most reliable signs of adult homosexualy. In lookg refully at the childhoods of gay adults, rearchers are fdg an trigug set of behavral ditors that homosexuals seem to have mon. Curly enough, the age-old homophobic fears of many parents reflect some genue predictive currency.

EARLY SIGNS TO TELL YOUR CHILD IS GAY

So on the basis of some earlier, shakier rearch, along wh a good dose of mon sense, Bailey and Zucker hypothized that homosexuals would show an verted pattern of sex-typed childhood behavrs—ltle boys preferrg girls as playmat and beg fatuated wh their mother's makp k; ltle girls strangely enamored of field hockey or profsnal wrtlg—that sort of thg.

HOW TO TELL IF YOUR KID IS GAY

Given that a small proportn of the populatn is homosexual, prospective studi require a large number of children. Although only 12 percent of the women grew up to be genr dysphoric (the unfortable sense that your blogil sex do not match your genr), the odds of the women reportg a bisexual or homosexual orientatn were up to 23 tim higher than would occur a general sample of young women. Bailey and Zucker, who nducted a retrospective study which adults answered qutns about their past, revealed that 89 percent of randomly sampled gay men relled cross-sex-typed childhood behavrs exceedg the heterosexual median.

OUR SEVEN-YEAR-OLD SON TOLD HE WAS GAY

The thors found that “those targets who, as adults, intified themselv as homosexual were judged to be genr nonnformg as children.

There is also evince of a “dosage effect”: the more genr-nonnformg characteristics there are childhood, the more likely is that a homosexual or bisexual orientatn will be prent adulthood. Not all ltle boys who like to wear drs grow up to be gay, nor do all ltle girls who spise drs bee lbians. I took to middle school wrtlg as a rather scrawny 80-pound eighth grar, and so dog, ironilly beme all too nsc of my homosexual orientatn.

WHEN YOU FD OUT YOUR CHILD IS GAY

Cross-cultural data show that prehomosexual boys are more attracted to solary sports such as swimmg, cyclg and tennis than they are to rougher ntact sports such as football and soccer; they are also ls likely to be childhood bulli. Rearchers readily nce that there are que likely multiple—and no doubt extremely plited—velopmental rout to adult homosexualy. Bee the data often reveal very early emergg tras prehomosexuals, children who show pronounced sex-atypil behavrs may have more of a geic loadg to their homosexualy, whereas gay adults who were sex-typil as children might trace their homosexualy more directly to particular childhood experienc.

All else beg equal, I spect we would be hard-prsed to fd parents who would actually prefer their offsprg to be homosexual. Evolutnarily, parental homophobia is a no-braer: gay sons and lbian dghters are not likely to reproduce (unls they get creative). Lang, Elton John and Rachel Maddow's close relativ, but I n only image that the straight k are far better off terms of their own reproductive opportuni than they would be whout a homosexual danglg so magnificently on their fay tre.