Experience: I was a gay-nversn therapist | Life and style | The Guardian

Contents:

• 5 THGS YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT GAY CONVERSN THERAPY
• ‘I AM GAY – BUT I WASN’T BORN THIS WAY’
• GAY CONVERSN: I SLEPT WH OVER 200 MEN, NOW I'M A HAPPILY MARRIED HETEROSEXUAL DAD
• IS IT POSSIBLE TO SYSTEMATILLY TURN GAY PEOPLE STRAIGHT?
• MEET THE STRAIGHT MEN WHO ARE TERRIFIED THEY ARE GAY
• CAN SCTN MAKE STRAIGHT MEN GAY?
• THE EX-GAY CHRISTIANY MOVEMENT IS MAKG A QUIET EBACK. THE EFFECTS ON LGBTQ YOUTH ULD BE VASTATG.
• WHAT IT’S LIKE TO EXPERIENCE GAY CONVERSN THERAPY
• SOME GAYS CAN GO STRAIGHT, STUDY SAYS
• EXPERIENCE: I WAS A GAY-NVERSN THERAPIST
• WHAT IT’S LIKE TO SURVIVE GAY CONVERSN THERAPYAMENNETFLIXTHE NEW DOCUMENTARY “PRAY AWAY” REVEALS THE TRMA AND DANGER WH RELIG MUNI THAT WEAPONIZE FAH TO NVCE LGBT MEMBERS TO “NVERT” TO HETEROSEXUALY.KEV FALLONSENR EDOR, OBSSEDPUBLISHED AUG. 03, 2021 4:11AM EDT FOR A TIME, JOHN PLK WAS THE MOST FAMO EX-GAY PERSON THE WORLD.THROUGHOUT THE ’90S, HE WAS THE PUBLIC FIGUREHEAD OF THE EX-GAY MOVEMENT. HE WAS ON THE VER OF NEWSWEEK, A VETED GUT ON THE TALK-SHOW CIRCU, AND EQUENTLY BOOKED TO SPEAK AT RELIG NVENTNS. HE AND HIS WIFE, ANNE, ED TO BE GAY. THEN THEY “FOUND GOD,” AND EACH OTHER.PLK BEE A VOUT AND ACTIVE MEMBER OF EXOD INTERNATNAL, AN UMBRELLA ANIZATN THAT NNECTED DIFFERENT GROUPS ACROSS THE UNTRY THAT WERE ALL PURSU OF HELPG PEOPLE WH “HOMOSEXUAL SIR” WHO WANTED TO RID THEMSELV OF THOSE CLATNS AND BEE CLOSER TO GOD. AT THE CX OF THE GROUPS IS THE IA THAT HOMOSEXUALY IS SICK AND SFUL. NEWSLETTERSTHE DAILY BEAST’S OBSSEDEVERYTHG WE N’T STOP LOVG, HATG, AND THKG ABOUT THIS WEEK POP CULTURE.SUBSCRIBEBY CLICKG "SUBSCRIBE" YOU AGREE TO HAVE READ THE TERMS OF USE AND PRIVACY POLICY WH THE HELP OF WHAT IS MONLY REFERRED TO AS NVERSN THERAPY, THEY ULD RETURN TO THE PATH TOWARD GOODNS, TOWARD GOD, AND AWAY OM THEIR HOMOSEXUAL URG. PLK WAS THE PROOF, A SUCCS STORY. IN 2013, PLK DISAVOWED EXOD AND THE IA OF NVERSN THERAPY, APOLOGIZG FOR HIS ROLE PROMOTG FOR SO MANY YEARS. HE NO LONGER INTIFI AS “FORMERLY GAY.” HE IS GAY.PLK IS AMONG THE FORMER PARTICIPANTS THE EX-GAY MOVEMENT AND LEARS WHO ARE TERVIEWED THE NEW DOCUMENTARY ON NETFLIX LLED PRAY AWAY, WHICH WAS DIRECTED BY KRISTE STOLAKIS AND EXECUTIVE PRODUCED BY RYAN MURPHY AND JASON BLUM.IN TALKG TO THE LEARS AND SURVIVORS OF NVERSN THERAPY, STOLAKIS CHRONICL THE TRMA AND PA FLICTED BY THE GROUPS AND EXAM HOW ANIZATNS LIKE EXOD INTERNATNAL MANIPULATED PEOPLE’S FAH AND SIRE FOR A RELATNSHIP WH GOD TO NVCE THEM TO “PRAY AWAY” THEIR HOMOSEXUALY.“I THK A PARTICULARLY DARK PART OF THIS MOVEMENT IS THAT B RELIGN AND PEOPLE'S NNECTN WH SOMETHG GREATER WH PSDO PSYCHOLOGY,” STOLAKIS TELLS THE DAILY BEAST. “WHEN YOU GROW UP A MUNY WHERE YOU’RE GETTG A MSAGE THAT YOU ARE SICK AND SFUL, THERE IS TREMENDO MOTIVATN TO WANT TO TRY TO CHANGE THAT.”STOLAKIS GREW UP A CATHOLIC FAY AND LEARNED THAT HER UNCLE HAD GONE THROUGH NVERSN THERAPY. FOR MUCH OF HIS ADULT LIFE, HE EXPERIENCED PRSN, ANXIETY, IATNS OF SUICI, OBSSIVE PULSIVE DISORR, AND ADDICTN. PART OF THE REASON SHE WANTED TO MAKE PRAY AWAY WAS TO HAVE A BETTER UNRSTANDG OF WHY, FOR SO MANY YEARS, HE HAD NTUED TO BELIEVE THAT HE ULD CHANGE—OR “NVERT”—AND PARTICIPATE A BELIEF SYSTEM ANTHETIL TO WHO HE WAS.“I REALLY THK A LOT OF THE PUBLIC DON'T UNRSTAND THIS MOVEMENT UNLS YOU LIVE ONE OF THE MUNI,” STOLAKIS SAYS. “AND IF YOU LIVE ONE OF THE MUNI, 'S LIKE THE AIR YOU BREATHE.” ADVERTISEMENT IT’S TIMATED THAT APPROXIMATELY 700,000 PEOPLE HAVE GONE THROUGH A FORM OF NVERSN THERAPY THE UNED STAT. A NATNAL SURVEY FOUND THAT LGBTQ YOUTH WHO EXPERIENCED NVERSN THERAPY WERE MORE THAN TWICE AS LIKELY TO ATTEMPT SUICI.ACTIVISTS HAVE WORKED HARD TO PH POLICIANS TO BAN THE PRACTICE, AND HAVE BEEN SUCCSFUL PASSG LEGISLATN SEVERAL STAT MAKG ILLEGAL. BUT THOSE BILLS ONLY BAN THE PRACTICE OM LICENSED THERAPISTS. WHERE THIS HAS ALWAYS BEEN HAPPENG, THE CHURCH AND RELIG MUNI, STILL THRIV AND IS PROTECTED BY LAW. “MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE WAS STCTURED AROUND NOT BEG GAY.” “THIS IS A MSAGE THAT WE HOPE OUR FILM SENDS, WHICH IS THAT AS LONG AS SOME VERSN OF HOMOPHOBIA AND TRANSPHOBIA EXIST, SOME VERSN OF THE NVERSN THERAPI WILL NTUE,” STOLAKIS SAYS.IT WAS IMPORTANT FOR HER TO FEATURE LEARS OF THE EX-GAY MOVEMENT WHO HAVE SCE APOLOGIZED FOR THEIR VOLVEMENT AND SPOKEN OUT ABOUT S HARM; SHE WANTED TO SHOW CURRENT LEARS AND ANIZATNS THAT THERE IS A PATH OUT. BUT EVEN IF FLUENTIAL ANIZATNS LIKE EXOD INTERNATNAL HAVE SHUTTERED, THE MOVEMENT IS AS STRONG AS EVER.“I WISH I ULD SAY SOMETHG ROSY, THAT THIS LLECTN OF LEARS HAS FECTED, THEREFORE THIS IS GOG AWAY,” STOLAKIS SAYS. “IT’S NOT THE SE. THERE ARE ALWAYS GOG TO BE NEW LEARS SENTIALLY TRAG, READY TO TAKE THIS PLACE IF THIS LARGER CULTURE OF HOMOPHOBIA AND TRANSPHOBIA NTU.” ADVERTISEMENT A CCIAL VOICE PRAY AWAY IS THAT OF JULIE RODGERS, WHO WAS A TEENAGER WHEN SHE STARTED WORKG WH LIVG HOPE, AN AFFILIATE MISTRY OF EXOD INTERNATNAL. SHE GREW UP A NSERVATIVE CHRISTIAN FAY THAT WAS HEAVILY VOLVED THE CHURCH. WHEN SHE WAS 16, SHE ME OUT AS GAY TO HER MOTHER, WHO BEME ANTIC AND EVENTUALLY GOT HER DGHTER A MEETG WH RICK CHELETTE, THE EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR OF LIVG HOPE.CHELETTE PROMISED RODGERS’ FAY THAT HE WOULD “HEAL” HER, PART BY INTIFYG SOMETHG HER PAST—SEXUAL ABE, STRAED RELATNSHIPS WH A PARENT—THAT GAYNS ULD BE “BLAMED” ON.RODGERS EVENTUALLY BEME SO VOLVED WH LIVG HOPE THAT SHE WOULD MOVE TO A LIVE- REVERY HOE AND RISE TO BEE ONE OF S MOST POPULAR SPEAKERS, TRAVELG THE UNTRY TO PREACH ABOUT HER JOURNEY AND ENDORSE THE ANIZATN. “MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE WAS STCTURED AROUND NOT BEG GAY,” SHE SAYS. SHE WAS TOLD TO GIVE UP PORN AND PLAYG SOFTBALL, AND TO WEAR MORE MAKP TO FEMIZE HER APPEARANCE. SHE FELT PELLED TO NFS EVERY LBIAN URGE AND LAPSE GENR EXPRSN TO CHELETTE. BUT WHEN SHE WAS SEXUALLY ASSLTED WHILE LLEGE, NO ONE AT LIVG HOPE OR AT EXOD OFFERED HELP OR UNSEL. THEY SEEMED LARGELY AT A LOSS WH WHAT TO DO ABOUT . IT’S THEN SHE REALIZED THAT THIS WASN’T A MUNY. SHE WAS BEG ED AS A PROP, MOLD OM A YOUNG AGE WHEN SHE WAS EMOTNALLY VULNERABLE.WHEN SHE FIRST WATCHED THE FISHED PRAY AWAY FILM, SHE STGGLED WHILE LISTENG TO FORMER LEARS, MANY OF WHOM SHE KNEW PERSONALLY AND ONCE SPOKE ALONGSI AT RELIG NFERENC, G TO TERMS NOW WH ALL THE PA THEY ED AND GRAPPLG WH THE FACT THAT THEY HAVE BLOOD ON THEIR HANDS. ADVERTISEMENT “I HAVE REALLY BEEN TRYG TO REMA OPEN TO THEIR HUMANY,” RODGERS SAYS. “IT’S REALLY, REALLY HARD BEG HUMAN. I KNOW THAT AND I KNOW THAT NOBODY BENEFS BY ME RELIGATG THEIR PAST BEHAVR. ALL I N DO IS MEET THEM WHERE THEY ARE NOW. WE DON’T HAVE TO BE BT IENDS, BUT WE DO HAVE THE SHARED GOAL OF WANTG NOBODY ELSE TO GO THROUGH THIS. I WISH THEY HAD WANTED 10 YEARS EARLIER. ALL THAT MATTERS IS WHAT THEY’RE DOG TODAY.”RODGERS IS NOW MARRIED TO HER WIFE, AMANDA. THEIR WEDDG WAS A CHURCH THAT EMBRAC THE LGBT MUNY. “IT WAS REALLY REMPTIVE TO BE THIS PLACE WHERE THAT HAS BEEN A SOURCE OF SO MUCH SHAME FOR ME AND AMANDA BOTH,” RODGERS SAYS. “TO HAVE ALL THE PEOPLE E AROUND AND CELEBRATE AND CELEBRATE OUR LOVE, SPECIFILLY OUR GAY, LBIAN LOVE THAT SPACE. AND FOR A PRIT TO BE LIKE, ‘OK, Y’ALL KISS NOW, RIGHT HERE AT THE ALTAR,’ WAS SO CREDIBLY HEALG AND REMPTIVE.”STOLAKIS AND RODGERS’ URGENCY MAKG PRAY AWAY STEMMED PART OM A SIRE TO BATTLE THE ASSUMPTN THAT 2021, WHEN “WOKE” AND “CLIVY” ARE BUZZWORDS, PRACTIC LIKE GAY NVERSN THERAPY DON’T EXIST ANYMORE. WHEN POP CULTURE TURNS THE NCEPT OF GAY NVERSTN THERAPY TO A JOKE, AS SHOWS LIKE SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE HAVE DONE SEVERAL TIM RECENT YEARS, FOSTERS AN ASSUMPTN THAT, BEE ’S BEG LGHED OFF, MT NOT BE A SER PROBLEM MORN SOCIETY.ANECDOTALLY, THEY’VE OBSERVED THE OPPOSE. THE MORE PROGRSIVE CERTA PARTS OF SOCIETY BEE, THE MORE AGGRSIVE AND PROTECTIVE THE MUNI ARE OF WHAT THEY NSIR TO BE MORALLY UPRIGHT AND PURE LIFTYL.“THERE’S FELY A SENSE WHICH WE ARE SEEG POLARIZATN AND WE ARE SEEG MORE PEOPLE THAT I’M NNECTED TO STILL THE CHRISTIAN RIGHT REALLY DIGGG THEIR HEELS AND DOUBLG DOWN,” ROGERS SAYS, ADDG THAT LIVG HOPE IS LARGER AND MORE FLUENTIAL THAN EVER.“I THK IS A MISTAKE IF WE LOOK AT THIS AS A RED VERS BLUE ISSUE, AS REPUBLIN VERS DEMOCRAT,” STOLAKIS SAYS. “THIS IS NOT THAT. WE’RE TALKG ABOUT MAKG SURE PEOPLE ARE MORE OR NOT MORE LIKELY TO KILL THEMSELV. THAT’S WHAT WE'RE TALKG ABOUT. THERE’S NO ROOM FOR POLICS. WE NEED TO MAKE SURE THAT PEOPLE ARE SAFE.” KEV FALLON
• I WAS 19, GAY AND READY TO BE ‘CURED’ BY NVERSN THERAPY

5 THGS YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT GAY CONVERSN THERAPY

A therapy that claims to nvert gay people to heterosexuals is beg tted urt wh two new s, one of which seeks to sue unselors offerg the therapy and the other seekg to fend nversn therapy, as is known, supposedly helps gay people overe same-sex attractns. [7 Absolutely Evil Medil Experiments]More recently, people who have been through nversn therapy report talk therapy that emphasiz psdoscientific theori, such as the ia that an overbearg mother and a distant father make a child gay. His therapist blamed his parents for Arana's homosexualy, and urged him to distance himself om his female bt Lev, one of the men sug Jonah for ceptive practic, says that he qu nversn therapy after his therapist had him strip down and touch himself to "rennect wh his masculy, " acrdg to the New York Tim.

‘I AM GAY – BUT I WASN’T BORN THIS WAY’

It didn’t of the most proment advot of nversn therapy the 1940s and 50s was Edmund Bergler, who saw homosexualy as a perversn and believed he uld "cure" gay people wh a punishment-based, nontatnal therapy the Amerin Psychiatric Associatn stopped classifyg homosexualy as a mental disorr 1973, nversn therapi lost support. In 2003, famed psychiatrist Robert Spzer, who spearhead the removal of homosexualy om the Amerin Psychiatric Associatn's mental disorr list 1973, reported the journal Archiv of Sexual Behavr that terviews wh nversn therapy patients suggted that some people uld change their sexual paper was cendiary and highly cricized, given that relied on terviews wh patients stead of measurable benchmarks of same-sex sir. You so obvly nnot be gay, was her implitn, bee this is good was 2006, a full five years before Lady Gaga would set the Born This Way argument atop s unassailable cultural perch, but even then the popular unrstandg of orientatn was that was somethg you were born wh, somethg you uldn’t change.

But what feels most accurate to say is that I’m gay – but I wasn’t born this people may fd their sir changg directn - and n't jt be explaed as experimentatn (Cred: Ignac Lehmann)In 1977, jt over 10% of Amerins thought gayns was somethg you were born wh, acrdg to Gallup. Throughout the same perd, the number of Amerins who believe homosexualy is “due to someone’s upbrgg/environment” fell om jt unr 60% to ias reached cril mass pop culture, first wh Lady Gaga’s 2011 Born This Way and one year later wh Macklemore’s Same Love, the chos of which has a gay person sgg “I n’t change even if I tried, even if I wanted to.

GAY CONVERSN: I SLEPT WH OVER 200 MEN, NOW I'M A HAPPILY MARRIED HETEROSEXUAL DAD

”People who challenge the Born This Way narrative are often st as homophobic, and their thkg is nsired backwardAs Jane Ward not Not Gay: Sex Between Straight Whe Men, what’s tertg about many of the claims is how transparent their speakers are wh their polil motivatns.

IS IT POSSIBLE TO SYSTEMATILLY TURN GAY PEOPLE STRAIGHT?

In fact, the homophobic and non-homophobic rponnts he studied shared siar levels of belief a Born This Way Samantha Allen not at The Daily Beast, the growg public support for gays and lbians has grown out of proportn wh the rise the number of people who believe homosexualy is fixed at birth; would be unlikely that this small change opn uld expla the spike support for gay marriage, for stance. “It don’t seem to matter as much whether or not people believe that gay people are born that way as do that they simply know someone who is currently gay, ” Allen spe of the studi, those who ph agast Born This Way narrativ have been heavily cricised by gay activists.

Siarly, Ward has received her own hatemail for phg agast the lg LGB narrativ, wh some gays tellg her she’s “worse than Ann Coulter, ” the ntroversial US thor of books like If Democrats Had Any Bras, They’d Be Republins.

MEET THE STRAIGHT MEN WHO ARE TERRIFIED THEY ARE GAY

The efforts are potentially harmful, acrdg to the APA, “bee they prent the view that the sexual orientatn of lbian, gay and bisexual youth is a mental illns of disorr, and they often ame the abily to change one’s sexual orientatn as a personal and moral failure.

The APA, for example, while notg that most people experience ltle to no choice over their orientatns, says this of homosexualy’s origs:“Although much rearch has examed the possible geic, hormonal, velopmental, social and cultural fluenc on sexual orientatn, no fdgs have emerged that perm scientists to nclu that sexual orientatn is termed by any particular factor or factors.

”Siarly, the Amerin Psychiatric Associatn wr a 2013 statement that while the of heterosexualy and homosexualy are currently unknown, they are likely “multifactorial cludg blogil and behavral roots which may vary between different dividuals and may even vary over time. ” Acrdg to LeVay’s rearch, a specific part of the bra, the third terstial nucls of the anterr hypothalam (INAH-3), is smaller homosexual men than is heterosexual as they might, scientists have stggled to inty any particular gen that nsistently predict the directns of our love and sire (Cred: Ignac Lehmann)Read moreYou n spot the problem wh this study a e away: were the gay bras LeVay studied born that way, or did they bee that way? Bis the dividual criqu leveled agast each new study announcg some gay gene disvery, there are major methodologil cricisms to make about the entire enterprise general, as Grzanka pots out: “If we look at the raveno pursu, particularly among Amerin scientists, to fd a gay gene, what we see is that the ncln has already been arrived at.

CAN SCTN MAKE STRAIGHT MEN GAY?

” Our sir may exprs themselv many different ways that do not all nform to existg notns of ‘gay’, ‘straight’ or ‘bisexual’ is one of the bt takeaways of Ward’s Not Gay, a peratg analysis of sex between straight whe men. ”Gay or not, our sir are oriented and re-oriented throughout our liv (Cred: Ignac Lehmann)In fact, the straight-intified men Ward studied for her book sometim found themselv suatns that sparked the sire for homosexual sex: aterni, ployments, public rtrooms, etc. I’m claimg that at some pot durg llege, my sexual and romantic sir beme reoriented toward menThkg back to my llege romanc wh women and men, I n beg to unrstand how my own experienc might have helped me to ‘cultivate’ my sire for homosexualy.

“Limg our unrstandg of any plex human experience is always gog to be worse than allowg to be plited, ” he gay rights activists pared sexualy to relign - a ccial part of our life that we should be ee to practise however we like (Cred: Ignac Lehamann)So what are we to do wh the Born This Way rhetoric?

THE EX-GAY CHRISTIANY MOVEMENT IS MAKG A QUIET EBACK. THE EFFECTS ON LGBTQ YOUTH ULD BE VASTATG.

”Acrdg to surveys, ls than half of Generatn Z intify as "100% heterosexual", suggtg more and more people have embraced their sexual fluidy (Cred: Ignac Lehmann)Perhaps is time to look to the begng of the gay rights movement. I beme the first person to live openly as a gay man the sectn of the universy I attend, and even tablished an LGBT group for other stunts, actively preachg agast those who suggted that beg gay was somehow a choice, or even wrong.

It was simply a mixture of gnive therapy, to challenge my re beliefs and root out one-sid thkg; behavural therapy, to change problematic actns traed through years of rercement; and EMDR, which rhythmic eye movements to dampen the power of trmatic therapist and I never foced solely on my beg sexually attracted to men, but my "beg gay" had to be part of the dialogue, otherwise I'd have been leavg a part of my life at the door. At the age of 46, I've never felt better my own ParkerI began to see that maybe, jt maybe, I was never tly gay and that there was a man as real and as noble as the men I had often admired, worshipped and yearned for hidn ep wh me, wag to be eed and released.

WHAT IT’S LIKE TO EXPERIENCE GAY CONVERSN THERAPY

Therapy n be dangero, and there's no reason why anyone should feel pelled to 'nvert' I now believe people aren't born gay, and anyone n velop the sort of hidn inty I've Parker is om the Journey Into Manhood trag programme which is anised by People Can Change, a non-prof tnal, support and outreach you are affected by any of the issu raised this article, send your feedback g the ment sectn below. "If [a patient] n accept his bodily homoerotic experience while stayg nnected to the therapist, " he wrote The Paradox of Self-Acceptance, "the sexual feelg soon transforms to somethg else: the regnn of eper, pa-generated emotnal needs which have nothg to do wh sexualy. The few that did have "high-qualy" evince "show that endurg change to an dividual's sexual orientatn is unmon, " and that treatments tend to change sexual orientatn may e harm, cludg prsn and mental Dark AgHomosexualy was officially labeled a mental illns the U.

SOME GAYS CAN GO STRAIGHT, STUDY SAYS

Another method was satiatn therapy, which a subject was told to masturbate over and over while verbally scribg his homosexual fantasi, until they disappeared — or, at least, "therapi" were generally effective — the person remaed attracted to the same sex — or over-effective — the person was trmatized and lost all sexual aroal entirely. They "were ed whout people thkg about whether they were humane, " Glassgold all treatments were so gome: Lnel Ovey, a Columbia Universy psychoanalyst and thor of Homosexualy and Psdohomosexualy, created a behavral method the 1960s. " His view mirrored the belief of many clicians at the time: that homosexualy was based on a phobia of the oppose non-aversive treatments followg this theory foced on buildg "tnal skills" like datg techniqu, assertivens trag, and affectn achg to crease teractns wh women.

He rried out the same tt almost every night for the next three weeks, always wh the same searchg Inter mental health foms for answers to his private impasse, Darren beme nvced that he was sufferg om 'HOCD': a not officially regnised form of Obssive Compulsive Disorr fed by the fear of beg or beg homosexual. While he asserts that 'HOCD', an acronym ed by sufferers sharg their stori onle, isn't officially classified the Diagnostic and Statistil Manual of Mental Disorrs (DSM), he says that the irratnal fear of beg or beg gay falls firmly wh the umbrella of Obssive Compulsive Disorr. Nowadays, the majory of tablished OCD chari – cludg OCDUK, OCDActn and Md - addrs tsive sexual thoughts as a mon trope of the disorr, but that has done ltle to stem a backlash om some high-profile skeptics wh the psychologil muny, who believe that HOCD is at bt misguid, and at worst homophobia s most pernic guise.

"My psychologist jt looked bored and hand me a leaflet"In November 2015, BuzzFeed UK's LGBT edor Patrick Stdwick published an article tled '"World's Leadg Anxiety Expert" Offers Treatment For People Who Worry That They're Gay' that heavily cricised the practice of a Harley Street therapist named Charl Ln who, acrdg to the se, boasted of a "100% succs rate" the treatment of "HOCD" the time the article was wrten, Ln's publishers were dubbg him as "the world's leadg thory on anxiety", and his webse ma hefty promis to sexually-nfed OCD sufferers. Elizabeth Peel, chair of the Brish Psychologil Society's 'Psychology of Sexuali' sectn and a profsor of Communitn & Social Interactn at Loughborough Universy, stat wh the piece that: "The term 'Homosexual OCD' is simply nversn therapy unr another guise and somethg we strongly nmn as damagg.

EXPERIENCE: I WAS A GAY-NVERSN THERAPIST

And an age where even the Vice Print of the Uned Stat has exprsed tac support for the practice, 's unrstandable that high profile figur the psychologil muny would nmn anythg that uld fuel the rhetoric of homophobic 'therapists', or provi party-le approval of their methods.

"Rose Bretécher believ the accatn HOCD is jt 'ternalised homophobia' is rrect, but don't blame anyone for leapg to such a ncln: "People's unrstandg is only as good as the rmatn available out there – and awarens is still pretty poor. "Over the years, therapists here […] have treated many homosexuals (male and female) who are plagued by obssive fears of beg "straight", and who suffer equally when OCD attacks their sexual inty, " stat their webse, which also offers an onle HOCD tt.

The evince that the men experienced a genue change sexual preference, shows that life-long, exclive homosexualy, as articulated by gay rhetoric, is more a statement about the culture which occurs than the "sence" of homosexualy. Addnally, the Inter is rife wh stori of LGBTQ people who have reported sufferg psychologil harm as a rult of participatg the programs and proment Christians are quietly tryg to rurrect ex-gay Christiany, and the new rnatn is hipper and perhaps more evolved.

WHAT IT’S LIKE TO SURVIVE GAY CONVERSN THERAPYAMENNETFLIXTHE NEW DOCUMENTARY “PRAY AWAY” REVEALS THE TRMA AND DANGER WH RELIG MUNI THAT WEAPONIZE FAH TO NVCE LGBT MEMBERS TO “NVERT” TO HETEROSEXUALY.KEV FALLONSENR EDOR, OBSSEDPUBLISHED AUG. 03, 2021 4:11AM EDT FOR A TIME, JOHN PLK WAS THE MOST FAMO EX-GAY PERSON THE WORLD.THROUGHOUT THE ’90S, HE WAS THE PUBLIC FIGUREHEAD OF THE EX-GAY MOVEMENT. HE WAS ON THE VER OF NEWSWEEK, A VETED GUT ON THE TALK-SHOW CIRCU, AND EQUENTLY BOOKED TO SPEAK AT RELIG NVENTNS. HE AND HIS WIFE, ANNE, ED TO BE GAY. THEN THEY “FOUND GOD,” AND EACH OTHER.PLK BEE A VOUT AND ACTIVE MEMBER OF EXOD INTERNATNAL, AN UMBRELLA ANIZATN THAT NNECTED DIFFERENT GROUPS ACROSS THE UNTRY THAT WERE ALL PURSU OF HELPG PEOPLE WH “HOMOSEXUAL SIR” WHO WANTED TO RID THEMSELV OF THOSE CLATNS AND BEE CLOSER TO GOD. AT THE CX OF THE GROUPS IS THE IA THAT HOMOSEXUALY IS SICK AND SFUL. NEWSLETTERSTHE DAILY BEAST’S OBSSEDEVERYTHG WE N’T STOP LOVG, HATG, AND THKG ABOUT THIS WEEK POP CULTURE.SUBSCRIBEBY CLICKG "SUBSCRIBE" YOU AGREE TO HAVE READ THE TERMS OF USE AND PRIVACY POLICY WH THE HELP OF WHAT IS MONLY REFERRED TO AS NVERSN THERAPY, THEY ULD RETURN TO THE PATH TOWARD GOODNS, TOWARD GOD, AND AWAY OM THEIR HOMOSEXUAL URG. PLK WAS THE PROOF, A SUCCS STORY. IN 2013, PLK DISAVOWED EXOD AND THE IA OF NVERSN THERAPY, APOLOGIZG FOR HIS ROLE PROMOTG FOR SO MANY YEARS. HE NO LONGER INTIFI AS “FORMERLY GAY.” HE IS GAY.PLK IS AMONG THE FORMER PARTICIPANTS THE EX-GAY MOVEMENT AND LEARS WHO ARE TERVIEWED THE NEW DOCUMENTARY ON NETFLIX LLED PRAY AWAY, WHICH WAS DIRECTED BY KRISTE STOLAKIS AND EXECUTIVE PRODUCED BY RYAN MURPHY AND JASON BLUM.IN TALKG TO THE LEARS AND SURVIVORS OF NVERSN THERAPY, STOLAKIS CHRONICL THE TRMA AND PA FLICTED BY THE GROUPS AND EXAM HOW ANIZATNS LIKE EXOD INTERNATNAL MANIPULATED PEOPLE’S FAH AND SIRE FOR A RELATNSHIP WH GOD TO NVCE THEM TO “PRAY AWAY” THEIR HOMOSEXUALY.“I THK A PARTICULARLY DARK PART OF THIS MOVEMENT IS THAT B RELIGN AND PEOPLE'S NNECTN WH SOMETHG GREATER WH PSDO PSYCHOLOGY,” STOLAKIS TELLS THE DAILY BEAST. “WHEN YOU GROW UP A MUNY WHERE YOU’RE GETTG A MSAGE THAT YOU ARE SICK AND SFUL, THERE IS TREMENDO MOTIVATN TO WANT TO TRY TO CHANGE THAT.”STOLAKIS GREW UP A CATHOLIC FAY AND LEARNED THAT HER UNCLE HAD GONE THROUGH NVERSN THERAPY. FOR MUCH OF HIS ADULT LIFE, HE EXPERIENCED PRSN, ANXIETY, IATNS OF SUICI, OBSSIVE PULSIVE DISORR, AND ADDICTN. PART OF THE REASON SHE WANTED TO MAKE PRAY AWAY WAS TO HAVE A BETTER UNRSTANDG OF WHY, FOR SO MANY YEARS, HE HAD NTUED TO BELIEVE THAT HE ULD CHANGE—OR “NVERT”—AND PARTICIPATE A BELIEF SYSTEM ANTHETIL TO WHO HE WAS.“I REALLY THK A LOT OF THE PUBLIC DON'T UNRSTAND THIS MOVEMENT UNLS YOU LIVE ONE OF THE MUNI,” STOLAKIS SAYS. “AND IF YOU LIVE ONE OF THE MUNI, 'S LIKE THE AIR YOU BREATHE.” ADVERTISEMENT IT’S TIMATED THAT APPROXIMATELY 700,000 PEOPLE HAVE GONE THROUGH A FORM OF NVERSN THERAPY THE UNED STAT. A NATNAL SURVEY FOUND THAT LGBTQ YOUTH WHO EXPERIENCED NVERSN THERAPY WERE MORE THAN TWICE AS LIKELY TO ATTEMPT SUICI.ACTIVISTS HAVE WORKED HARD TO PH POLICIANS TO BAN THE PRACTICE, AND HAVE BEEN SUCCSFUL PASSG LEGISLATN SEVERAL STAT MAKG ILLEGAL. BUT THOSE BILLS ONLY BAN THE PRACTICE OM LICENSED THERAPISTS. WHERE THIS HAS ALWAYS BEEN HAPPENG, THE CHURCH AND RELIG MUNI, STILL THRIV AND IS PROTECTED BY LAW. “MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE WAS STCTURED AROUND NOT BEG GAY.” “THIS IS A MSAGE THAT WE HOPE OUR FILM SENDS, WHICH IS THAT AS LONG AS SOME VERSN OF HOMOPHOBIA AND TRANSPHOBIA EXIST, SOME VERSN OF THE NVERSN THERAPI WILL NTUE,” STOLAKIS SAYS.IT WAS IMPORTANT FOR HER TO FEATURE LEARS OF THE EX-GAY MOVEMENT WHO HAVE SCE APOLOGIZED FOR THEIR VOLVEMENT AND SPOKEN OUT ABOUT S HARM; SHE WANTED TO SHOW CURRENT LEARS AND ANIZATNS THAT THERE IS A PATH OUT. BUT EVEN IF FLUENTIAL ANIZATNS LIKE EXOD INTERNATNAL HAVE SHUTTERED, THE MOVEMENT IS AS STRONG AS EVER.“I WISH I ULD SAY SOMETHG ROSY, THAT THIS LLECTN OF LEARS HAS FECTED, THEREFORE THIS IS GOG AWAY,” STOLAKIS SAYS. “IT’S NOT THE SE. THERE ARE ALWAYS GOG TO BE NEW LEARS SENTIALLY TRAG, READY TO TAKE THIS PLACE IF THIS LARGER CULTURE OF HOMOPHOBIA AND TRANSPHOBIA NTU.” ADVERTISEMENT A CCIAL VOICE PRAY AWAY IS THAT OF JULIE RODGERS, WHO WAS A TEENAGER WHEN SHE STARTED WORKG WH LIVG HOPE, AN AFFILIATE MISTRY OF EXOD INTERNATNAL. SHE GREW UP A NSERVATIVE CHRISTIAN FAY THAT WAS HEAVILY VOLVED THE CHURCH. WHEN SHE WAS 16, SHE ME OUT AS GAY TO HER MOTHER, WHO BEME ANTIC AND EVENTUALLY GOT HER DGHTER A MEETG WH RICK CHELETTE, THE EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR OF LIVG HOPE.CHELETTE PROMISED RODGERS’ FAY THAT HE WOULD “HEAL” HER, PART BY INTIFYG SOMETHG HER PAST—SEXUAL ABE, STRAED RELATNSHIPS WH A PARENT—THAT GAYNS ULD BE “BLAMED” ON.RODGERS EVENTUALLY BEME SO VOLVED WH LIVG HOPE THAT SHE WOULD MOVE TO A LIVE- REVERY HOE AND RISE TO BEE ONE OF S MOST POPULAR SPEAKERS, TRAVELG THE UNTRY TO PREACH ABOUT HER JOURNEY AND ENDORSE THE ANIZATN. “MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE WAS STCTURED AROUND NOT BEG GAY,” SHE SAYS. SHE WAS TOLD TO GIVE UP PORN AND PLAYG SOFTBALL, AND TO WEAR MORE MAKP TO FEMIZE HER APPEARANCE. SHE FELT PELLED TO NFS EVERY LBIAN URGE AND LAPSE GENR EXPRSN TO CHELETTE. BUT WHEN SHE WAS SEXUALLY ASSLTED WHILE LLEGE, NO ONE AT LIVG HOPE OR AT EXOD OFFERED HELP OR UNSEL. THEY SEEMED LARGELY AT A LOSS WH WHAT TO DO ABOUT . IT’S THEN SHE REALIZED THAT THIS WASN’T A MUNY. SHE WAS BEG ED AS A PROP, MOLD OM A YOUNG AGE WHEN SHE WAS EMOTNALLY VULNERABLE.WHEN SHE FIRST WATCHED THE FISHED PRAY AWAY FILM, SHE STGGLED WHILE LISTENG TO FORMER LEARS, MANY OF WHOM SHE KNEW PERSONALLY AND ONCE SPOKE ALONGSI AT RELIG NFERENC, G TO TERMS NOW WH ALL THE PA THEY ED AND GRAPPLG WH THE FACT THAT THEY HAVE BLOOD ON THEIR HANDS. ADVERTISEMENT “I HAVE REALLY BEEN TRYG TO REMA OPEN TO THEIR HUMANY,” RODGERS SAYS. “IT’S REALLY, REALLY HARD BEG HUMAN. I KNOW THAT AND I KNOW THAT NOBODY BENEFS BY ME RELIGATG THEIR PAST BEHAVR. ALL I N DO IS MEET THEM WHERE THEY ARE NOW. WE DON’T HAVE TO BE BT IENDS, BUT WE DO HAVE THE SHARED GOAL OF WANTG NOBODY ELSE TO GO THROUGH THIS. I WISH THEY HAD WANTED 10 YEARS EARLIER. ALL THAT MATTERS IS WHAT THEY’RE DOG TODAY.”RODGERS IS NOW MARRIED TO HER WIFE, AMANDA. THEIR WEDDG WAS A CHURCH THAT EMBRAC THE LGBT MUNY. “IT WAS REALLY REMPTIVE TO BE THIS PLACE WHERE THAT HAS BEEN A SOURCE OF SO MUCH SHAME FOR ME AND AMANDA BOTH,” RODGERS SAYS. “TO HAVE ALL THE PEOPLE E AROUND AND CELEBRATE AND CELEBRATE OUR LOVE, SPECIFILLY OUR GAY, LBIAN LOVE THAT SPACE. AND FOR A PRIT TO BE LIKE, ‘OK, Y’ALL KISS NOW, RIGHT HERE AT THE ALTAR,’ WAS SO CREDIBLY HEALG AND REMPTIVE.”STOLAKIS AND RODGERS’ URGENCY MAKG PRAY AWAY STEMMED PART OM A SIRE TO BATTLE THE ASSUMPTN THAT 2021, WHEN “WOKE” AND “CLIVY” ARE BUZZWORDS, PRACTIC LIKE GAY NVERSN THERAPY DON’T EXIST ANYMORE. WHEN POP CULTURE TURNS THE NCEPT OF GAY NVERSTN THERAPY TO A JOKE, AS SHOWS LIKE SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE HAVE DONE SEVERAL TIM RECENT YEARS, FOSTERS AN ASSUMPTN THAT, BEE ’S BEG LGHED OFF, MT NOT BE A SER PROBLEM MORN SOCIETY.ANECDOTALLY, THEY’VE OBSERVED THE OPPOSE. THE MORE PROGRSIVE CERTA PARTS OF SOCIETY BEE, THE MORE AGGRSIVE AND PROTECTIVE THE MUNI ARE OF WHAT THEY NSIR TO BE MORALLY UPRIGHT AND PURE LIFTYL.“THERE’S FELY A SENSE WHICH WE ARE SEEG POLARIZATN AND WE ARE SEEG MORE PEOPLE THAT I’M NNECTED TO STILL THE CHRISTIAN RIGHT REALLY DIGGG THEIR HEELS AND DOUBLG DOWN,” ROGERS SAYS, ADDG THAT LIVG HOPE IS LARGER AND MORE FLUENTIAL THAN EVER.“I THK IS A MISTAKE IF WE LOOK AT THIS AS A RED VERS BLUE ISSUE, AS REPUBLIN VERS DEMOCRAT,” STOLAKIS SAYS. “THIS IS NOT THAT. WE’RE TALKG ABOUT MAKG SURE PEOPLE ARE MORE OR NOT MORE LIKELY TO KILL THEMSELV. THAT’S WHAT WE'RE TALKG ABOUT. THERE’S NO ROOM FOR POLICS. WE NEED TO MAKE SURE THAT PEOPLE ARE SAFE.” KEV FALLON

Yet beneath the smetic tweaks ss the same msage that has damaged many liv over many s: If you’re a Christian wh same-sex attractns, change is both possible and first wave of Amerin ex-gay Christiany the 1970s alced around mistri and anizatns specifilly voted to the e. But the current wave is far more centralized, beg led by pennt thors and personali who are embedd the nservative Christian world rather than segregated to an issue-specific views differ ever so slightly om the next while orbg tightly to siar them, such as the possibily of “former homosexuals” havg a healthy heterosexual marriage, differentiatg between one’s behavr and inty, and a ubiquo, if obligatory, nod to church’ historil failur to love people who intify as of the movement’s most articulate lears is Rosaria Champagne Butterfield, a former women’s studi profsor at Syrace Universy who says she “adopted a lbian inty” her 20s as a rult of beg fluenced by femist philosophy. For Butterfield, homosexualy is not an inty that scrib who a person is but, rather, a sful actn that a person do — but n stop preach her gospel of change through her popular books, speech at Christian nferenc and church, and is the unmistakable msage of the life she now liv.

I WAS 19, GAY AND READY TO BE ‘CURED’ BY NVERSN THERAPY

”When I prsed her, the thor of “Gay Girl, Good God: The Story of Who I Was and Who God Has Always Been” said that she has never met anyone who has experienced a plete change sexual orientatn, but she add that she has read stori about people who have.