Our seven-year-old son told he was gay - Today's Parent

Contents:

• MY SON MIGHT BE GAY. WHAT SHOULD I SAY TO HIM?
• HOW TO TELL IF YOUR SON IS GAY
• EARLY SIGNS TO TELL YOUR CHILD IS GAYTIMOFDIATHE DIFFICULT JOURNEYUNRSTANDG, ACKNOWLEDGG, AND SHARG ONE'S SEXUAL ORIENTATN WH THE WORLD, IS EASY FOR SOME, WHILE FOR OTHERS THE JOURNEY IS LONG AND DIFFICULT.GETTY-IMAGCOMG OUT ISN'T EASYGAY YOUTH OFTEN FACE THEIR SET OF CHALLENG AFTER G OUT ABOUT THEIR GENR PREFERENC.GETTY-IMAGTHE ROLE OF PARENTSAS PARENTS, ALL YOU N DO IS PROVI THEM WH LOVE AND SUPPORT. THIS N START OM AN EARLY AGE IF YOU N INTIFY THE SIGNS OF YOUR CHILD'S SEXUAL ORIENTATN.GETTY-IMAG​DRSG UPIT MAY SEEM STEREOTYPIL, BUT SOME REARCH SUGGTS THAT KIDS SHOW THEIR CLATN BY THE WAY THEY DRS UP. GETTY-IMAG​SPEECHAS PER A STUDY, THERE IS A DIFFERENCE SPEECH OF KIDS WHO ARE CLED TOWARDS THE SAME SEX. THE CHANGE THE TONE N EASILY BE TECTED EVEN WHEN THEY ARE FIVE YEARS OLD. GETTY-IMAG​TOYS PREFERENCEWHEN ROLE-PLAYG, IF A BOY OFTEN TAK THE FEME ROLE OR THE GIRL LIK TO PLAY ROUGH GAM, THEN YOU NEED TO PAY A LTLE ATTENTN. GETTY-IMAGYOU MAY ALSO LIKECOVID: WAYS TO STRENGTHEN YOUR KID'S IMM...
• WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"
• IS MY SON GAY OR IS A PHASE?
• I THK MY SON MIGHT BE GAY
• IS YOUR CHILD GAY?
• MY TEEN SON SAYS HE'S GAY
• MY SON THKS HE’S GAY
• OUR SEVEN-YEAR-OLD SON TOLD HE WAS GAY
• I THK OUR SON IS GAY SERI
• PRI MONTH READS: I THK OUR SON IS GAY CENTERS ON A MOM WHO REALIZ THE DIFFICULTI OF COMG OUT
• SO YOU THK YOUR SON IS GAY? DON'T ASK. LET HIM TELL YOU

MY SON MIGHT BE GAY. WHAT SHOULD I SAY TO HIM?

They immediately clocked as gay, while we immediately clocked them as we warmed up to another, one mom anxly said: "I have a qutn: I am pretty sure my son is gay, but I don't know what to do.

"For example, if someone the word "gay" place of "stupid, " remd them that the two are not terchangeable, and suggt they should say what they actually mean stead. "The rourc n help:PFLAG: The untry’s largt anizatn ung parents, fai, and alli wh people who are lbian, gay, bisexual, transgenr, and Spectm: Offers groups, trag, and rourc promotg genr sensivy and cln for all youthGLBT Natnal Rource Database: LGBTQ+ digal directory of rourcNatnal Queer and Trans Therapists of Color Network: Directory of therapists/unselors who are people of lorNatnal LGBTQ Task Force: The progrsive advocy arm of the LGBTQ+ movementDurg LGBTQ Pri Month, TODAY is sharg the muny’s history, pa, joy and what’s next for the movement. Dave, I have a 17-year-old son, and I am fairly sure he is gay.

I psed on our lol PBS affiliate, where a huge choir was sgg, and after a few sends I realized was the Gay Men's Chos of some cy or another dog a fundraisg ncert. At this time my life, I was 99 percent certa I was gay, though nowhere near ready to sprg on my parents. We had no gay people our liv back then, no way to gge my fay's level of tolerance.

HOW TO TELL IF YOUR SON IS GAY

We had no gay people our liv back then, no way to gge my fay's level of watched as they livered a rendn of what I remember as "Somewhere Over the Rabow, " bee eher they or my memory are unfivably basic. Stirrg and brave and subversive, g as did a time before marriage equaly was on the map, a time when you only saw gay people on the news. It means one simple, pable thg: Once you have told your dad you're gay, there is no gog back.

Right now, he has to be secretive, not bee he's gay, but bee he's 17. I'd love to say that you should do a big, showy "Hey, I sure do like those gay people" at the dner table.

I wish were as simple and CBS-smy as ve the gay guy om work to fay bowlg night. There's a new Android app out (here's the English versn) lled "Is My Son Gay? So below I've provid a better list of ways to tell if your son is a gay person who is you e home om work and you hear nois upstairs and you go up to vtigate and your son's door is open and you tch him "hookg up" (as kids ll today) wh his iend Michael, and you quickly turn around and walk back downstairs and later that night over dner you say "You know, honey, if there's ever anythg you need to tell me...

EARLY SIGNS TO TELL YOUR CHILD IS GAYTIMOFDIATHE DIFFICULT JOURNEYUNRSTANDG, ACKNOWLEDGG, AND SHARG ONE'S SEXUAL ORIENTATN WH THE WORLD, IS EASY FOR SOME, WHILE FOR OTHERS THE JOURNEY IS LONG AND DIFFICULT.GETTY-IMAGCOMG OUT ISN'T EASYGAY YOUTH OFTEN FACE THEIR SET OF CHALLENG AFTER G OUT ABOUT THEIR GENR PREFERENC.GETTY-IMAGTHE ROLE OF PARENTSAS PARENTS, ALL YOU N DO IS PROVI THEM WH LOVE AND SUPPORT. THIS N START OM AN EARLY AGE IF YOU N INTIFY THE SIGNS OF YOUR CHILD'S SEXUAL ORIENTATN.GETTY-IMAG​DRSG UPIT MAY SEEM STEREOTYPIL, BUT SOME REARCH SUGGTS THAT KIDS SHOW THEIR CLATN BY THE WAY THEY DRS UP. GETTY-IMAG​SPEECHAS PER A STUDY, THERE IS A DIFFERENCE SPEECH OF KIDS WHO ARE CLED TOWARDS THE SAME SEX. THE CHANGE THE TONE N EASILY BE TECTED EVEN WHEN THEY ARE FIVE YEARS OLD. GETTY-IMAG​TOYS PREFERENCEWHEN ROLE-PLAYG, IF A BOY OFTEN TAK THE FEME ROLE OR THE GIRL LIK TO PLAY ROUGH GAM, THEN YOU NEED TO PAY A LTLE ATTENTN. GETTY-IMAGYOU MAY ALSO LIKECOVID: WAYS TO STRENGTHEN YOUR KID'S IMM...

" and he says "Mom, I'm gay, " then your son is your son has recently gone to llege and hasn't been touch much and you figure hey he's new to llege, he's by makg iends and whatnot, and then late one night he lls you on the phone soundg upset about somethg and you ask him what's wrong and he's quiet for a while and then says "Nothg's wrong, really, I'm jt... Dad, I'm gay, " then your son is your son ever been on a long drive to one of your dghter's swim meets wh you and when stopped at a red light he's turned to you and said "Mom, I feel like I owe to you and dad to tell you that, well, Donald is my boyiend. Chanc are that if you are on your athbed and your tranged son to vis you the middle of a ray night and he ss by your bed quietly until he begs to cry and clutch your hand and says "I wish I'd told you sooner that I'm gay" and then you both stay there silence, you pretendg to be asleep, the only noise the beepg of the mach that will only keep you alive for a ltle while longer, your son is you and your spoe are ever visg your son the big cy he now liv wh all his fancy iends and fancy rtrants and you're out to an awkward lunch before your tra home and you three get to another potls fight about years-old stuff and 's really unfortable and fally you or your spoe says "Well, if you'd jt settle down wh the right girl, I thk-" and then your son terpts you by yellg "Guys, I'm GAY.

" and then you lgh and ms his hair and the livg room your hband shows your son's boyiend his mol ships, then your son is probably gay, though he might be bisexual, so be reful about your son ever says "Oh my goodns, " when surprised or when openg a gift, well then yeah, he probably gay. The difficult journeyUnrstandg, acknowledgg, and sharg one's sexual orientatn wh the world, is easy for some, while for others the journey is long and out isn't easyGay youth often face their set of challeng after g out about their genr role of parentsAs parents, all you n do is provi them wh love and support. Getty-imag​Word of utnWhile the signs are generally nsired as an ditn, not all boys who play wh dolls are gay or not all girls who like to play rough are lbians.

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"

As I relayed When Your Child Is Gay: What You Need To Know (Sterlg, 2016), I found out that my son was gay om a note wh our son's name entwed wh another boy's, surround by a heart.

Had I asked him if he were gay when he was 13, he probably would have fensively said "No! San Berland, the mother of a gay son who ach parents of LGBTQ kids, utn, "It's not a good ia to ask.

Acrdg to my -thor, psychiatrist Jonathan Tobk, "Gay children feel credibly vulnerable when g out to their parents, and tak time to work up the urage to do this. Watch gay-themed shows together such as "The Fosters" and "Will and Grace.

IS MY SON GAY OR IS A PHASE?

In a way, you have an advantage by not knowg; giv you more time to prepare for the day (if ever) when he do reveal he's gay.

When parents learn that their child is gay, lbian, bisexual, or transgenr, they n experience a range of emotns.

I THK MY SON MIGHT BE GAY

As a matter of fact, you might someday look back and fd that you are grateful for the experience of havg a gay or lbian child. Well, my study of 65 fai of gay and lbian youth for the book, Comg Out, Comg Home: Helpg Fai Adjt to a Gay or Lbian Child, I found that some parents get to the pot where they believe that the experience of havg a gay child actually ma them a better person—more open-md and sensive to the needs of others, particularly those other mory groups. If you jt found out your child is gay, lbian, bisexual, or transgenr, you may be thkg that such ias are prepostero.

The tstworthy nfidants let them vent but also rrected some of the misperceptns they absorbed om society, such as that gay people are lonely, unhappy, promiscuo, not fay-oriented, unable to have children, or sted for an unhappy life. Contact Parents, Fay, and Friends of Lbians and Gays (PFLAG).

IS YOUR CHILD GAY?

Straight Parents Gay Children: Keepg Fai Together (revised edn). Beyond Acceptance: Parents of Lbians, and Gays Talk About Their Experienc.

Somethg to Tell You: The Road Fai Travel when a Child is Gay. My 17-year-old son and I got to a b of a heated argument this weekend and the midst of my son said he's gay.

MY TEEN SON SAYS HE'S GAY

My hband says that he has always thought that our son is gay and that if he's gay, he's gay. It is highly unlikely that your son told you that he is gay simply to upset you.

Gay kids often tell their parents about their sexualy the middle of a fight bee they feel that they have nothg left to lose sce you are already upset wh them. It is probably more likely that he has known that he is gay for some time.

I suggt that you and your hband talk to your son durg a lm moment and ask him how he is pg wh beg a gay teen.

MY SON THKS HE’S GAY

Also, please keep md that gay teens need the opportuny to talk to their parents about relatnship issu jt as straight kids do. The nversatn wh gay teens do not end after an acceptance of their sexual choic. It was gay men, gog at , wh nothg left to the imagatn: toned mcular young men havg all kds of sex wh each last one to e the puter was our middle son, then aged 15, but young for his age.

I asked him about , but ducked out of mentng the whole gay thg, hopg that he might open up to me.

OUR SEVEN-YEAR-OLD SON TOLD HE WAS GAY

I felt very unfortable wh this episo and liberately didn't pursue the gay ntent of the se as such. To be hont, I've always strongly spected that the mate was gay.

I THK OUR SON IS GAY SERI

Lookg back years later, I also realised how sexually charged young teenagers n iends have now told me that this boy mak no secret of the fact that he's gay when wh his peers, but that he has not e out at home. My wife do spect that this iend of our son's is gay, but is immensely fond of him, and he of her. But while I've gently tried to touch on the possibily that our son uld be gay too, I don't prs the issue.

And if I was wrong, I would have ma an appallg son has put the gay qutn on the agenda by accsg gay porn s and havg a relatively exclive relatnship wh one male iend, who is gay. Why, then, would be an appallg error to ask him if he has gay thoughts or feelgs, or however you might put ? It seems to me you're aaid that by even mentng homosexualy to your son, you'll tip the balance, and he'll bee gay.

And perhaps that's the 15-year-old son cried when you asked him about a gay se he'd vised and you dodged askg him why.

PRI MONTH READS: I THK OUR SON IS GAY CENTERS ON A MOM WHO REALIZ THE DIFFICULTI OF COMG OUT

Isn't also worth thkg about the fact that you feel the agily of sexual orientatn so keenly, and yet never sought to fluence the iendship between your son and his gay mate? I'm jt tryg to help wh the qutn I thk you're now know your son's iend is gay. Both lbians and gay men often have a history of cross-sex-typed behavrs: ltle boys beg fatuated wh their mother's makp k; ltle girls enamored of field hockey or profsnal wrtlg.

SO YOU THK YOUR SON IS GAY? DON'T ASK. LET HIM TELL YOU

Prehomosexual boys tend to be more attracted to solary sports such as swimmg, cyclg and tennis than they are to rougher ntact sports such as football and soccer.

Children who show pronounced sex-atypil behavrs may have more of a geic loadg to their homosexualy. The behavral patterns are feared, loathed and often spoken of directly as harbgers of adult homosexualy. It is only relatively recently, however, that velopmental scientists have nducted ntrolled studi to intify the earlit and most reliable signs of adult homosexualy.

In lookg refully at the childhoods of gay adults, rearchers are fdg an trigug set of behavral ditors that homosexuals seem to have mon.