Your Child Jt Told You He's Gay. Now What? | Psychology Today

Contents:

• JT FOUND OUT MY DGHTER MIGHT BE GAY. NOW WHAT?
• WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"
• YOUR CHILD JT TOLD YOU HE'S GAY. NOW WHAT?
• WHEN YOU FD OUT YOUR CHILD IS GAY
• “MOM, DAD… I’M GAY.” A CHRISTIAN PARENT’S RPONSE
• HOW CHRISTIAN PARENTS SHOULD RPOND TO THEIR CHILD'S GAY INTY CRISIS
• I N'T FIVE MY DGHTER FOR BEG GAY
• THIS IS HOW I REALLY REACTED WHEN MY SON TOLD ME HE WAS GAY
• FDG OUT YOUR SPOE IS GAY
• MY CATHOLIC KID IS GAY! NOW WHAT??
• WHEN MY DGHTER SAID, 'I'M GAY'

JT FOUND OUT MY DGHTER MIGHT BE GAY. NOW WHAT?

It seems to me that your beliefs on tolerance toward those that are gay were ntgent upon the ia that "other people" are gay and "we" ("we" beg you and your children) are straight.

If you tly believe what you say you believe, shouldn't matter whether she's gay. What's more, if she is gay (and pecially if she out, or is outed, while school), then she will need people that will support her, bee suici rat among gay teens is signifintly higher (some reports I've seen show as much as 5 tim higher, and even higher nservative areas) than among straight teens, due to thgs like bullyg, stutnalized and ternalized homophobia, and general beg prsured (by peers and fay) to be somethg that they're not (straight). Even if you did figure out, whout a doubt, that she's gay do not out her.

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"

She might not even know whether or not she's gay.

YOUR CHILD JT TOLD YOU HE'S GAY. NOW WHAT?

When parents learn that their child is gay, lbian, bisexual, or transgenr, they n experience a range of emotns. As a matter of fact, you might someday look back and fd that you are grateful for the experience of havg a gay or lbian child.

Well, my study of 65 fai of gay and lbian youth for the book, Comg Out, Comg Home: Helpg Fai Adjt to a Gay or Lbian Child, I found that some parents get to the pot where they believe that the experience of havg a gay child actually ma them a better person—more open-md and sensive to the needs of others, particularly those other mory groups. If you jt found out your child is gay, lbian, bisexual, or transgenr, you may be thkg that such ias are prepostero.

The tstworthy nfidants let them vent but also rrected some of the misperceptns they absorbed om society, such as that gay people are lonely, unhappy, promiscuo, not fay-oriented, unable to have children, or sted for an unhappy life. Contact Parents, Fay, and Friends of Lbians and Gays (PFLAG). List of Helpful Books for Parents of Gay and Lbian Children.

WHEN YOU FD OUT YOUR CHILD IS GAY

Straight Parents Gay Children: Keepg Fai Together (revised edn). Beyond Acceptance: Parents of Lbians, and Gays Talk About Their Experienc.

“MOM, DAD… I’M GAY.” A CHRISTIAN PARENT’S RPONSE

Somethg to Tell You: The Road Fai Travel when a Child is Gay. Comg Out, Comg Home: Helpg Fai Adjt to a Gay or Lbian Child.

Fortunate Fai: Catholic fai wh lbian dghters and gay sons. Mom, Dad, I'm Gay: How Fai Negotiate Comg Out.

HOW CHRISTIAN PARENTS SHOULD RPOND TO THEIR CHILD'S GAY INTY CRISIS

Many of the straight parents I terviewed for When Your Child Is Gay: What You Need To Know exprsed havg felt disappotment learng that their child was LGBT. Would he be fired at his job if his supervisors found out that he were gay? Would he have to live a gay-iendly neighborhood?

Natalie, 63, a mother om Long Island, found out that two of her three children were gay. " Natalie felt that was a loss to the fay geic pool and kept wonrg if beg gay was a choice.

I N'T FIVE MY DGHTER FOR BEG GAY

Richard Ogawa of Seattle figured out he was gay llege. Richard told me, "Perhaps if every parent toyed wh the possibily that any of their children uld be gay, would change the way they raise their children.

Gay children are no different—so ltle of their sexual orientatn has to do wh who they are as a whole.

THIS IS HOW I REALLY REACTED WHEN MY SON TOLD ME HE WAS GAY

"It is rare to work wh parents of a gay child who have not stggled wh the feelg of loss at some pot the procs of acceptg their child as gay, " my -thor, Jonathan Tobk, M. Parents feel sad that their gay child has lost the possibily of havg a life whout signifint difficulty. " Yet Tobk has found that "gay people tell you they are happy wh who they are and feel that they have emerged on the other si of g out as strong, sensive, and rilient dividuals.

Havg a gay child is not a loss of a child altogether.

For straight parents, havg a child reveal that he is gay n be a jolt. You might ask how long he or she has known, and why he feels he is gay, bi, or trans, suggts Jonathan Tobk, M. D., a psychiatrist private practice New York Cy and the -thor of When Your Child Is Gay: What You Need to Know.

FDG OUT YOUR SPOE IS GAY

You n fd one through the Associatn of Gay and Lbian Psychiatrists.

Take the extra step and show your child that you are terted beg the parent of a gay child.

Edute yourself on what means to be gay, lbian, bisexual or transgenr.

MY CATHOLIC KID IS GAY! NOW WHAT??

PFLAG, or Parents for Lbians and Gays, which now has a group for transgenr youth, and holds natnwi chapters and meetgs;.

WHEN MY DGHTER SAID, 'I'M GAY'

"I love you, and I am here for you" is what your child needs to hear when announcg they are gay.

Even wh social chang such as the Marriage Equaly Act and greater acceptance of gay rights, g out is still a trmatic event for some people, says McElroy, who works wh gay youths at the health center.

But many gay advot suggt that even if parents are acceptg, they should never ask pot-blank about sexual orientatn.