How to Talk to Your Son About Beg Gay - Advice for Men om Dave Holm

Contents:

• WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"
• WHEN YOUR CHILD IS GAY
• YOUR CHILD JT TOLD YOU HE'S GAY. NOW WHAT?
• HOW TO ACCEPT THAT YOUR CHILD IS GAY, LBIAN OR BISEXUAL
• PARENT SPECTS THAT CHILD MIGHT BE GAY
• THIS IS HOW I FELT WHEN MY SON TOLD ME HE WAS GAY
• HOW TO TELL IF YOUR SON IS GAY
• IS YOUR CHILD GAY?
• MY SON IS GAY
• MY SON MIGHT BE GAY. WHAT SHOULD I SAY TO HIM?
• EARLY SIGNS TO TELL YOUR CHILD IS GAY
• MANY PARENTS STGGLE TO ADJT AFTER LEARNG CHILD IS GAY, STUDY FDS
• RPONDG TO ADULT CHILD WHO SAYS HE’S GAY
• IS MY SON GAY OR IS A PHASE?

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"

When parents learn that their child is gay, lbian, bisexual, or transgenr, they n experience a range of emotns.

WHEN YOUR CHILD IS GAY

As a matter of fact, you might someday look back and fd that you are grateful for the experience of havg a gay or lbian child. Well, my study of 65 fai of gay and lbian youth for the book, Comg Out, Comg Home: Helpg Fai Adjt to a Gay or Lbian Child, I found that some parents get to the pot where they believe that the experience of havg a gay child actually ma them a better person—more open-md and sensive to the needs of others, particularly those other mory groups. If you jt found out your child is gay, lbian, bisexual, or transgenr, you may be thkg that such ias are prepostero.

YOUR CHILD JT TOLD YOU HE'S GAY. NOW WHAT?

The tstworthy nfidants let them vent but also rrected some of the misperceptns they absorbed om society, such as that gay people are lonely, unhappy, promiscuo, not fay-oriented, unable to have children, or sted for an unhappy life. As I relayed When Your Child Is Gay: What You Need To Know (Sterlg, 2016), I found out that my son was gay om a note wh our son's name entwed wh another boy's, surround by a heart. Had I asked him if he were gay when he was 13, he probably would have fensively said "No!

San Berland, the mother of a gay son who ach parents of LGBTQ kids, utn, "It's not a good ia to ask.

HOW TO ACCEPT THAT YOUR CHILD IS GAY, LBIAN OR BISEXUAL

Acrdg to my -thor, psychiatrist Jonathan Tobk, "Gay children feel credibly vulnerable when g out to their parents, and tak time to work up the urage to do this.

In a way, you have an advantage by not knowg; giv you more time to prepare for the day (if ever) when he do reveal he's gay.

You might ask how long he or she has known, and why he feels he is gay, bi, or trans, suggts Jonathan Tobk, M. D., a psychiatrist private practice New York Cy and the -thor of When Your Child Is Gay: What You Need to Know. Take the extra step and show your child that you are terted beg the parent of a gay child.

PARENT SPECTS THAT CHILD MIGHT BE GAY

PFLAG, or Parents for Lbians and Gays, which now has a group for transgenr youth, and holds natnwi chapters and meetgs;. They immediately clocked as gay, while we immediately clocked them as we warmed up to another, one mom anxly said: "I have a qutn: I am pretty sure my son is gay, but I don't know what to do.

"For example, if someone the word "gay" place of "stupid, " remd them that the two are not terchangeable, and suggt they should say what they actually mean stead. "The rourc n help:PFLAG: The untry’s largt anizatn ung parents, fai, and alli wh people who are lbian, gay, bisexual, transgenr, and Spectm: Offers groups, trag, and rourc promotg genr sensivy and cln for all youthGLBT Natnal Rource Database: LGBTQ+ digal directory of rourcNatnal Queer and Trans Therapists of Color Network: Directory of therapists/unselors who are people of lorNatnal LGBTQ Task Force: The progrsive advocy arm of the LGBTQ+ movementDurg LGBTQ Pri Month, TODAY is sharg the muny’s history, pa, joy and what’s next for the movement. But if your child out as gay, lbian, or bisexual, might e as a shock—many parents feel unprepared, upset, or even a ltle nfed.

THIS IS HOW I FELT WHEN MY SON TOLD ME HE WAS GAY

Bisexual people often hear that their sexualy is “jt a phase, ” and that they’ll eventually be eher straight or gay. Try lookg at s like Advot for Youth, The Fay Acceptance Project, and Parents, Fai, Friends, and Alli of Lbians and Gays (PFLAG).

If your child says she's homosexual, regardls of her age, be acceptg and show love and support. Article SummaryXTo accept that your child is homosexual or bisexual, the first and most important thg is to make sure your child knows that you love them.

HOW TO TELL IF YOUR SON IS GAY

For more rmatn on how to talk your child after learng they are homosexual or bisexual, see below.

IS YOUR CHILD GAY?

Believe or not, ’s a hopeful sign that your teen son has brought up the subject of same-sex attractn and homosexualy. It will also strengthen your bond — and a good parent-child relatnship is one of the bt l of fense agast homosexualy.

Joe Dallas, an expert this field, says that there are three different ways the word “homosexualy” is ed:.

MY SON IS GAY

The word n refer to a homosexual ndn or orientatn — when an dividual is sexually aroed primarily by members of the same sex.

“Homosexualy” n be ed to mean specifilly homosexual behavr — other words, sexual ntact wh a person of the same sex.

The word is often ed to scribe a ame of md when a person se homosexualy as a primary intifyg characteristic (ually acpanied by acceptance of homosexualy as beg normal and moral). Some signs of pre-homosexualy show up early a child’s life as what might be lled “cross-genr behavr.

MY SON MIGHT BE GAY. WHAT SHOULD I SAY TO HIM?

If you’d like to jo the Fom, drop a le at do feel like to fd out that your son is gay? So below I've provid a better list of ways to tell if your son is a gay person who is you e home om work and you hear nois upstairs and you go up to vtigate and your son's door is open and you tch him "hookg up" (as kids ll today) wh his iend Michael, and you quickly turn around and walk back downstairs and later that night over dner you say "You know, honey, if there's ever anythg you need to tell me... " and he says "Mom, I'm gay, " then your son is your son has recently gone to llege and hasn't been touch much and you figure hey he's new to llege, he's by makg iends and whatnot, and then late one night he lls you on the phone soundg upset about somethg and you ask him what's wrong and he's quiet for a while and then says "Nothg's wrong, really, I'm jt...

Dad, I'm gay, " then your son is your son ever been on a long drive to one of your dghter's swim meets wh you and when stopped at a red light he's turned to you and said "Mom, I feel like I owe to you and dad to tell you that, well, Donald is my boyiend. Chanc are that if you are on your athbed and your tranged son to vis you the middle of a ray night and he ss by your bed quietly until he begs to cry and clutch your hand and says "I wish I'd told you sooner that I'm gay" and then you both stay there silence, you pretendg to be asleep, the only noise the beepg of the mach that will only keep you alive for a ltle while longer, your son is you and your spoe are ever visg your son the big cy he now liv wh all his fancy iends and fancy rtrants and you're out to an awkward lunch before your tra home and you three get to another potls fight about years-old stuff and 's really unfortable and fally you or your spoe says "Well, if you'd jt settle down wh the right girl, I thk-" and then your son terpts you by yellg "Guys, I'm GAY. " and then you lgh and ms his hair and the livg room your hband shows your son's boyiend his mol ships, then your son is probably gay, though he might be bisexual, so be reful about your son ever says "Oh my goodns, " when surprised or when openg a gift, well then yeah, he probably gay.

Both lbians and gay men often have a history of cross-sex-typed behavrs: ltle boys beg fatuated wh their mother's makp k; ltle girls enamored of field hockey or profsnal wrtlg.

EARLY SIGNS TO TELL YOUR CHILD IS GAY

Prehomosexual boys tend to be more attracted to solary sports such as swimmg, cyclg and tennis than they are to rougher ntact sports such as football and soccer. Children who show pronounced sex-atypil behavrs may have more of a geic loadg to their homosexualy. The behavral patterns are feared, loathed and often spoken of directly as harbgers of adult homosexualy.

It is only relatively recently, however, that velopmental scientists have nducted ntrolled studi to intify the earlit and most reliable signs of adult homosexualy. In lookg refully at the childhoods of gay adults, rearchers are fdg an trigug set of behavral ditors that homosexuals seem to have mon.

Curly enough, the age-old homophobic fears of many parents reflect some genue predictive currency. Zucker, both psychologists, published a semal paper on childhood markers of homosexualy 1995. So on the basis of some earlier, shakier rearch, along wh a good dose of mon sense, Bailey and Zucker hypothized that homosexuals would show an verted pattern of sex-typed childhood behavrs—ltle boys preferrg girls as playmat and beg fatuated wh their mother's makp k; ltle girls strangely enamored of field hockey or profsnal wrtlg—that sort of thg.

MANY PARENTS STGGLE TO ADJT AFTER LEARNG CHILD IS GAY, STUDY FDS

Given that a small proportn of the populatn is homosexual, prospective studi require a large number of children. Although only 12 percent of the women grew up to be genr dysphoric (the unfortable sense that your blogil sex do not match your genr), the odds of the women reportg a bisexual or homosexual orientatn were up to 23 tim higher than would occur a general sample of young women.

RPONDG TO ADULT CHILD WHO SAYS HE’S GAY

Bailey and Zucker, who nducted a retrospective study which adults answered qutns about their past, revealed that 89 percent of randomly sampled gay men relled cross-sex-typed childhood behavrs exceedg the heterosexual median.

IS MY SON GAY OR IS A PHASE?

The thors found that “those targets who, as adults, intified themselv as homosexual were judged to be genr nonnformg as children.

There is also evince of a “dosage effect”: the more genr-nonnformg characteristics there are childhood, the more likely is that a homosexual or bisexual orientatn will be prent adulthood. Not all ltle boys who like to wear drs grow up to be gay, nor do all ltle girls who spise drs bee lbians.

I took to middle school wrtlg as a rather scrawny 80-pound eighth grar, and so dog, ironilly beme all too nsc of my homosexual orientatn.