Is Your Man Gay, Straight, or Bisexual? | Psychology Today

Contents:

• IS IT POSSIBLE TO SYSTEMATILLY TURN GAY PEOPLE STRAIGHT?
• HOW TO LEAD A HETEROSEXUAL LIFTYLE IF YOU ARE GAY
• IS YOUR MAN GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?
• THE FACT NO ONE LIK TO ADM: MANY GAY MEN ULD JT HAVE EASILY BEEN STRAIGHT
• CAN SCTN MAKE STRAIGHT MEN GAY?
• STEP-BY-STEP INSTCTNS FOR SHOOTG YOUR SHOT WH GAY GUYS
• HOW TO GET A MAN (FOR GAY MEN)
• SOME GAYS CAN GO STRAIGHT, STUDY SAYS
• HOW TO LOOK GREAT AS A GAY MAN

IS IT POSSIBLE TO SYSTEMATILLY TURN GAY PEOPLE STRAIGHT?

Joseph Nilosi, a psychologist Enco, Calif., says he n rid adults, teens, and even children of homosexualy. "If [a patient] n accept his bodily homoerotic experience while stayg nnected to the therapist, " he wrote The Paradox of Self-Acceptance, "the sexual feelg soon transforms to somethg else: the regnn of eper, pa-generated emotnal needs which have nothg to do wh sexualy.

Both APAs have led that the therapi are unscientific and possibly harmful — not to mentn unnecsary, sce homosexualy was officially -classified as an illns 1973, and therefore n't be "cured. The few that did have "high-qualy" evince "show that endurg change to an dividual's sexual orientatn is unmon, " and that treatments tend to change sexual orientatn may e harm, cludg prsn and mental Dark AgHomosexualy was officially labeled a mental illns the U. He was unsuccsful, and nclud that attempts to change homosexual orientatn were likely to fail.

Given that homosexual activy was also crimally prosecuted the U. Another method was satiatn therapy, which a subject was told to masturbate over and over while verbally scribg his homosexual fantasi, until they disappeared — or, at least, "therapi" were generally effective — the person remaed attracted to the same sex — or over-effective — the person was trmatized and lost all sexual aroal entirely.

HOW TO LEAD A HETEROSEXUAL LIFTYLE IF YOU ARE GAY

They "were ed whout people thkg about whether they were humane, " Glassgold all treatments were so gome: Lnel Ovey, a Columbia Universy psychoanalyst and thor of Homosexualy and Psdohomosexualy, created a behavral method the 1960s. It was based on the ia that homosexualy origated om a fear of takg on the normal quali of one's genr.

Ovey studied a clilly disturbed group of patients and summarized their unnsc mds as follows: "I am a failure = I am not a man = I am strated = I am a woman = I am a homosexual. " His view mirrored the belief of many clicians at the time: that homosexualy was based on a phobia of the oppose non-aversive treatments followg this theory foced on buildg "tnal skills" like datg techniqu, assertivens trag, and affectn achg to crease teractns wh women.

IS YOUR MAN GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?

Cognive therapists, meanwhile, ma a few attempts to change homosexuals' thought patterns by reamg sir — redirectg thoughts away om homosexual activy — or through hypnosis. Still, SOCE is still beg practiced wh a small group of mental-health practners, most of whom ter to a populatn whose relig beliefs strictly bar homosexualy. Your fay is homophobic.

THE FACT NO ONE LIK TO ADM: MANY GAY MEN ULD JT HAVE EASILY BEEN STRAIGHT

Internalized homophobia. If they're "supportg" you but only if you choose to act like you aren't gay, that isn't te support and may be toxic. In his Royal Oaks, Michigan, practice, Joe specializ Gay Affirmative Psychotherapy and IMAGO Relatnship Therapy, often treatg men who are qutng their sexual orientatn.

This populatn is the foc of his new and much-need book: Is My Hband Gay, Straight, or Bi?

CAN SCTN MAKE STRAIGHT MEN GAY?

Number one is the high cince of male-female upl enterg my office bee the woman thks her man might be gay. More often than not, he’s not gay or even bi. He’s actually straight, but for whatever reason, he’s been lookg at gay porn or he’s been havg sex wh men.

STEP-BY-STEP INSTCTNS FOR SHOOTG YOUR SHOT WH GAY GUYS

A lot of the time the men e on their own and they’re holdg my book about g out as gay, and they want to know, “Is this me? Am I gay?

And I thk ’s very important to state right here that I’m a gay man, yet here I am sayg that most of the time the men who are beg sexual wh other men aren’t gay. That’s unual, bee most gay men, even most gay therapists, believe that if a guy is havg gay sex, he’s gay.

So how do you terme if a man is or isn’t gay? Most gay or bisexual men will say y. ” I always joke wh clients that for me, as a gay man, when I’m walkg on the beach and checkg people out, the women are the way.

HOW TO GET A MAN (FOR GAY MEN)

Wh gay clients, they say they feel the same way; wh bisexual clients, they say they’re lookg at both the men and the women; wh straight clients, they say they’re lookg only at the women. Another thg that I look for is homophobia.

When a man is a long-term relatnship wh a woman but beg sexual wh men, eher lookg at porn or havg actual sex, he eher will or won’t be homophobic. Intertgly, ’s the gay men who are homophobic.

The straight men have no homophobia at all—to the pot where they’re willg to seek unselg om me, an openly gay therapist.

SOME GAYS CAN GO STRAIGHT, STUDY SAYS

A lot of tim the gay men never even make to me (whout promptg om their wife, anyway) bee they’re riddled wh homophobia and I’m too gay for them. So if a client is stgglg wh his sexual orientatn and he’s got a lot of homophobia, he’s probably gay.

A gay guy wants to do all of that wh a man, a bisexual guy might want a man or a woman, and the straight guy wants to only be wh a woman that way.

He’s been lookg at gay porn or he’s been hookg up wh guys he meets through Craigslist. And that’s too gay for them anyway. The gay man is dog this bee ’s his sexual inty.

HOW TO LOOK GREAT AS A GAY MAN

Even if he’s nfed and don’t want to e out as gay, this is who he is and over time that will e out. But the gay man r.

So this is a way of bondg wh men—ironilly, through sex—and happens not bee the man is gay but bee he don’t know any other way to get this need met. And then they ask me if this mak them gay. It’s not gay or straight, ’s jt your an.

Then I tell them that a lot of gay men don’t do anal at all, eher givg or receivg.