Gay and Lbian Relatnship Advice |

Contents:

• LGBT & QUEER DATG TIPS — WHAT I WISH I HAD KNOWN! | TIPS OM AN LGBT BLOGGERBRIANNE HUNTSMAN·FOLLOW6 M READ·JAN 12, 2020--LISTENSHARETHERE’S A JOKE THE LGBTQ+ MUNY, THAT DATG AFTER YOU E OUT IS LIKE GOG THROUGH JUNR HIGH AGA.GROWG UP RAL UTAH, EVERYONE ELSE GOT THEIR AWKWARD DATG JTERS OUT JUNR HIGH AND HIGH SCHOOL. FREAK OUTS OVER TEXTG, AWKWARD CSH NFSNALS, ETC ETC.AND WHEN YOU START DATG AS AN LGBTQ+ PERSON, ALLLLL THOSE JUNR HIGH FEELS ENTER STAGE RIGHT — AND IS A FEELINGS PARTY.THE NFETTI IS FEELGS.AND ME SHOWED UP WH GUSTO WHEN I ME OUT. (THAT WHOLE STORY IS HERE.)[NOTE: I’M G “G OUT” THIS NTEXT TO NOTE A PERD OF TIME WHERE A PERSON CIS TO DATE OUTSI OF THE CIS/HETERO EXPERIENCE. I REGNIZE THAT G OUT IS A NTUAL PROCS AND NSTCT THAT NOT EVERYONE EXPERIENC.]I’VE HAD SOME AWKWARD N-S AND LSONS, SO I’M GOG TO TELL Y’ALL MY LEARNG MOMENTS SO YOU N (HOPEFULLY) MAKE BETTER CISNS.[THIS POST WAS ORIGALLY PUBLISHED ON MY BLOG, BUT I’VE PUT THE MORE RACEY STUFF HERE SO GOOGLE DON’T HATE MY BLOG!]LSON #1: TELLG SOMEONE YOU’RE INTERTED THEMY’ALL, I AM A WARD. I N GET UP AND SPEAK ONT OF A CROWD OF 10,000+ PEOPLE, NO PROBLEM!BUT ASK THAT CUTIE FOR A DRK? OR TELL SOMEONE I’M TERTED THEM?I WOULD RATHER LIE IN THE ROAD AND DIE, DRAMATICALLY.EUGH.STRONG FEMME PERSONALY FTWI’VE GOTTEN A LOT BETTER (OR LS WORSE?), BUT THIS IS STILL SOMETHG I STGGLE WH. MY REAL FEAR HERE IS THAT I WILL OVERWHELM SOMEONE WH MY TERT OR ACCINTALLY STEAM ROLL PEOPLE.I HAVE A LOT OF PERSONALY, AND I TEND TO WANT TO DATE LTLE CUTE TROVERTS, AND I DON’T WANT TO SRE THEM OFF!!! OR MAKE PEOPLE FEEL UNFORTABLE. (ASI: I REALLY FEAR MAKG PEOPLE UNFORTABLE, AND I’M BETTG THAT OM A SPACE OF TERNALIZED HOMOPHOBIA, SO THERE’S THAT.)HOW TO TELL SOMEONE YOU’RE INTERTED THEMSO, I’VE VISED A HANDY LTLE SCRIPT TO E TO MUNITE TERT THAT GIV THE OTHER PERSON AN “OUT.” HERE IS:“HEY! I THK YOU’RE PRETTY ATTRACTIVE, AND I’D LOVE TO GET FFEE WH YOU! AS A DATE, TO BE CLEAR. NO WORRI IF YOU’RE NOT TERTED, I’M TRYG A NEW THG WHERE I STATE TENTNS CLEARLY. NO PRSURE EHER WAY!”LET’S BREAK DOWN THE FORMULA OF THIS MSAGE:FOR ONE, I’M CLEAR THAT MY TENTNS ARE ROMANTIC. THIS SAV ME OM BEG AT FFEE WH SOMEONE AND ONE OF GOG, “WA, IS THIS A DATE?”NEXT, I GIVE THEM AN “OUT” AND MAKE A LOOOOOOT OF SPACE FOR NSENT. I MAKE CLEAR THEY N BE NOT-ROMANTILLY-TERTED, AND THAT’S OKAY!FALLY, I UALLY TEXT THIS. WHENEVER I’M ASKED OUT IRL, MY MD GO TOTALLY BLANK — SO I TRY TO GIVE FOLKS SOME SPACE TO ~PROCS.~(ONE TIME A GIRL ASKED ME OUT, AND MY RPONSE WAS, “WA, YOU WANT TO DATE ME? ARE YOU SURE?” FACE PALM.)LSON #2: FEAR OF BEG UNLOVABLEONE OF THE CHALLENG SOME FOLKS GET WHEN BEGNG TO DATE AS AN OUT LGBTQ+ PERSON, IS NONTG BELIEFS ABOUT BEG WRONG/UNLOVABLE/SFUL.SOMETHG THAT I STGGLED WH WAS DATG CRAPPY PEOPLE, BEE I WAS NVCED I WAS UNLOVABLE (WOO BEG RAISED A RELIG HOMOPHOBIC MUNY.)I PUT UP WH A LOT OF CRAP OM MY FIRST PARTNER, UNTIL I WOKE UP AND REALIZED THIS WASN’T WORKG.IT’S KEY WHEN YOU START DATG THAT YOU REMEMBER AND REMIND YOURSELF THAT YOU ARE LOVABLE AND SERVG OF A WONRFUL PARTNER OR PARTNERS.BEE N BE HARD TO ADVOTE FOR ONELF, I E THIS GUT CHECK:“WOULD I BE OKAY WH MY BT IEND BEG A RELATNSHIP LIKE THIS? WOULD I WANT THEIR PARTNER(S) TO TREAT MY BFF LIKE THIS?”LSON #3: BE CLEAR ABOUT POLYAMORY & NON-MONOGAMYONE OF THE BIGGT “WHOOPSI” MOMENTS I SEE LGBTQ+ DATG LAND IS FOLKS FAILG TO MUNITE THEIR DATG STYLE.I’VE SHARED SOME LOOSE FNS BELOW, BUT YOU’LL WANT YOUR POTENTIAL CUTIE PIE TO FE HOW THEY’RE G TERMS. BEG LGBTQ+ IS GREAT BEE WE LOVE MAKG UP WORDS THAT EVERYONE F DIFFERENTLY! SUCH EEDOM!!AND SPACE FOR MISMUNITN!MONOGAMY: THE HAB OF HAVG ONLY ONE MATE AT A TIME.NON-MONOGAMY: AN UMBRELLA TERM FOR EVERY PRACTICE OR PHILOSOPHY OF NON-DYADIC TIMATE RELATNSHIP THAT DO NOT STRICTLY HEW TO THE STANDARDS OF MONOGAMY, PARTICULARLY THAT OF HAVG ONLY ONE PERSON WH WHOM TO EXCHANGE SEX, LOVE, AND AFFECTN.POLYAMORY: HE PRACTICE OF, OR SIRE FOR, TIMATE RELATNSHIPS WH MORE THAN ONE PARTNER, WH THE NSENT OF ALL PARTNERS VOLVEDTHAT’S A LOT OF WORDS, SO LET’S TALK EXAMPL:A UPLE ULD BE ROMANTILLY MONOGAMO, BUT SEXUALLY NON-MONOGAMO.A GROUP OF PEOPLE ULD BE POLYAMORO, WH THEIR OWN RELATNSHIP STCTURE AND MUNITN.IT’S OVERWHELMG. I KNOW.I REMEND GETTG THIS BOOK TO LEARN MORE VOB AND RELATNSHIP STYL!THE KEY TAKE AWAY HERE IS TO HAVE UPONT NVERSATNS ABOUT WHAT YOU’RE LOOKG FOR AND YOUR RELATNSHIP STYLE. I HAVE HAD A NUMBER OF, UM, MISMUNITNS ABOUT THIS — SO I PUT THE PROFILE ON MY DATG APPS.I HAVE (THROUGH POOR MUNITN) FOUND MYSELF DATG MULTIPLE PEOPLE SUALLY, WH ONE OR MORE PEOPLE THKG WE WERE A MTED RELATNSHIP. SO NOW I HAVE EXPLIC AND CLEAR NVERSATNS ABOUT ALLLLL OF THIS.HOW I ROLLI INTIFY AS ETHILLY NON-MONOGAMO AND POLYAMORO, BUT I HAVE BEEN MONOGAMO RELATNSHIPS. HONTLY, PENDS ON HOW MUCH TIME MY LIFE I HAVE TO DITE TO RELATNSHIPS. MONOGAMY AND POLYAMORY REQUIRE MUCH MORE MUNITN, BEE YOU HAVE MORE PEOPLE VOLVED!LSON #4: THE MULTIPLICY OF “SHANE”IN THE HIGHLY PROBLEMATIC, BUT STILL BELOVED SHOW, THE L WORD, THERE’S A CHARACTER WHO IS REALLY REALLY ATTRACTIVE AND FDS THEMSELV TERRIBLE RELATNSHIPS, UALLY G HUGE EXPLOSNS.I’M PRETTY SURE PEOPLE HAVE WRTEN ENTIRE TH ON THIS CHARACTER, BUT IS WORTH WATCHG THE HOW TO ANALYZE HOW THE EXPECTATNS OF OTHER WOMEN CREATE A LOT OF THE ISSU — AND HOW SHANE’S BAGGAGE CREAT THEM AS WELL.ALSO, MY EXPERIENCE, EVERYONE DAT A SHANE. IT’S THE BT, ’S THE WORST, AND ’S JT PART OF THIS BIG OLD GAYMO WORLD WE’RE .LSON #5: TALKG ABOUT STD TTG
• GAY AND LBIAN RELATNSHIP ADVICE

LGBT & QUEER DATG TIPS — WHAT I WISH I HAD KNOWN! | TIPS OM AN LGBT BLOGGERBRIANNE HUNTSMAN·FOLLOW6 M READ·JAN 12, 2020--LISTENSHARETHERE’S A JOKE THE LGBTQ+ MUNY, THAT DATG AFTER YOU E OUT IS LIKE GOG THROUGH JUNR HIGH AGA.GROWG UP RAL UTAH, EVERYONE ELSE GOT THEIR AWKWARD DATG JTERS OUT JUNR HIGH AND HIGH SCHOOL. FREAK OUTS OVER TEXTG, AWKWARD CSH NFSNALS, ETC ETC.AND WHEN YOU START DATG AS AN LGBTQ+ PERSON, ALLLLL THOSE JUNR HIGH FEELS ENTER STAGE RIGHT — AND IS A FEELINGS PARTY.THE NFETTI IS FEELGS.AND ME SHOWED UP WH GUSTO WHEN I ME OUT. (THAT WHOLE STORY IS HERE.)[NOTE: I’M G “G OUT” THIS NTEXT TO NOTE A PERD OF TIME WHERE A PERSON CIS TO DATE OUTSI OF THE CIS/HETERO EXPERIENCE. I REGNIZE THAT G OUT IS A NTUAL PROCS AND NSTCT THAT NOT EVERYONE EXPERIENC.]I’VE HAD SOME AWKWARD N-S AND LSONS, SO I’M GOG TO TELL Y’ALL MY LEARNG MOMENTS SO YOU N (HOPEFULLY) MAKE BETTER CISNS.[THIS POST WAS ORIGALLY PUBLISHED ON MY BLOG, BUT I’VE PUT THE MORE RACEY STUFF HERE SO GOOGLE DON’T HATE MY BLOG!]LSON #1: TELLG SOMEONE YOU’RE INTERTED THEMY’ALL, I AM A WARD. I N GET UP AND SPEAK ONT OF A CROWD OF 10,000+ PEOPLE, NO PROBLEM!BUT ASK THAT CUTIE FOR A DRK? OR TELL SOMEONE I’M TERTED THEM?I WOULD RATHER LIE IN THE ROAD AND DIE, DRAMATICALLY.EUGH.STRONG FEMME PERSONALY FTWI’VE GOTTEN A LOT BETTER (OR LS WORSE?), BUT THIS IS STILL SOMETHG I STGGLE WH. MY REAL FEAR HERE IS THAT I WILL OVERWHELM SOMEONE WH MY TERT OR ACCINTALLY STEAM ROLL PEOPLE.I HAVE A LOT OF PERSONALY, AND I TEND TO WANT TO DATE LTLE CUTE TROVERTS, AND I DON’T WANT TO SRE THEM OFF!!! OR MAKE PEOPLE FEEL UNFORTABLE. (ASI: I REALLY FEAR MAKG PEOPLE UNFORTABLE, AND I’M BETTG THAT OM A SPACE OF TERNALIZED HOMOPHOBIA, SO THERE’S THAT.)HOW TO TELL SOMEONE YOU’RE INTERTED THEMSO, I’VE VISED A HANDY LTLE SCRIPT TO E TO MUNITE TERT THAT GIV THE OTHER PERSON AN “OUT.” HERE IS:“HEY! I THK YOU’RE PRETTY ATTRACTIVE, AND I’D LOVE TO GET FFEE WH YOU! AS A DATE, TO BE CLEAR. NO WORRI IF YOU’RE NOT TERTED, I’M TRYG A NEW THG WHERE I STATE TENTNS CLEARLY. NO PRSURE EHER WAY!”LET’S BREAK DOWN THE FORMULA OF THIS MSAGE:FOR ONE, I’M CLEAR THAT MY TENTNS ARE ROMANTIC. THIS SAV ME OM BEG AT FFEE WH SOMEONE AND ONE OF GOG, “WA, IS THIS A DATE?”NEXT, I GIVE THEM AN “OUT” AND MAKE A LOOOOOOT OF SPACE FOR NSENT. I MAKE CLEAR THEY N BE NOT-ROMANTILLY-TERTED, AND THAT’S OKAY!FALLY, I UALLY TEXT THIS. WHENEVER I’M ASKED OUT IRL, MY MD GO TOTALLY BLANK — SO I TRY TO GIVE FOLKS SOME SPACE TO ~PROCS.~(ONE TIME A GIRL ASKED ME OUT, AND MY RPONSE WAS, “WA, YOU WANT TO DATE ME? ARE YOU SURE?” FACE PALM.)LSON #2: FEAR OF BEG UNLOVABLEONE OF THE CHALLENG SOME FOLKS GET WHEN BEGNG TO DATE AS AN OUT LGBTQ+ PERSON, IS NONTG BELIEFS ABOUT BEG WRONG/UNLOVABLE/SFUL.SOMETHG THAT I STGGLED WH WAS DATG CRAPPY PEOPLE, BEE I WAS NVCED I WAS UNLOVABLE (WOO BEG RAISED A RELIG HOMOPHOBIC MUNY.)I PUT UP WH A LOT OF CRAP OM MY FIRST PARTNER, UNTIL I WOKE UP AND REALIZED THIS WASN’T WORKG.IT’S KEY WHEN YOU START DATG THAT YOU REMEMBER AND REMIND YOURSELF THAT YOU ARE LOVABLE AND SERVG OF A WONRFUL PARTNER OR PARTNERS.BEE N BE HARD TO ADVOTE FOR ONELF, I E THIS GUT CHECK:“WOULD I BE OKAY WH MY BT IEND BEG A RELATNSHIP LIKE THIS? WOULD I WANT THEIR PARTNER(S) TO TREAT MY BFF LIKE THIS?”LSON #3: BE CLEAR ABOUT POLYAMORY & NON-MONOGAMYONE OF THE BIGGT “WHOOPSI” MOMENTS I SEE LGBTQ+ DATG LAND IS FOLKS FAILG TO MUNITE THEIR DATG STYLE.I’VE SHARED SOME LOOSE FNS BELOW, BUT YOU’LL WANT YOUR POTENTIAL CUTIE PIE TO FE HOW THEY’RE G TERMS. BEG LGBTQ+ IS GREAT BEE WE LOVE MAKG UP WORDS THAT EVERYONE F DIFFERENTLY! SUCH EEDOM!!AND SPACE FOR MISMUNITN!MONOGAMY: THE HAB OF HAVG ONLY ONE MATE AT A TIME.NON-MONOGAMY: AN UMBRELLA TERM FOR EVERY PRACTICE OR PHILOSOPHY OF NON-DYADIC TIMATE RELATNSHIP THAT DO NOT STRICTLY HEW TO THE STANDARDS OF MONOGAMY, PARTICULARLY THAT OF HAVG ONLY ONE PERSON WH WHOM TO EXCHANGE SEX, LOVE, AND AFFECTN.POLYAMORY: HE PRACTICE OF, OR SIRE FOR, TIMATE RELATNSHIPS WH MORE THAN ONE PARTNER, WH THE NSENT OF ALL PARTNERS VOLVEDTHAT’S A LOT OF WORDS, SO LET’S TALK EXAMPL:A UPLE ULD BE ROMANTILLY MONOGAMO, BUT SEXUALLY NON-MONOGAMO.A GROUP OF PEOPLE ULD BE POLYAMORO, WH THEIR OWN RELATNSHIP STCTURE AND MUNITN.IT’S OVERWHELMG. I KNOW.I REMEND GETTG THIS BOOK TO LEARN MORE VOB AND RELATNSHIP STYL!THE KEY TAKE AWAY HERE IS TO HAVE UPONT NVERSATNS ABOUT WHAT YOU’RE LOOKG FOR AND YOUR RELATNSHIP STYLE. I HAVE HAD A NUMBER OF, UM, MISMUNITNS ABOUT THIS — SO I PUT THE PROFILE ON MY DATG APPS.I HAVE (THROUGH POOR MUNITN) FOUND MYSELF DATG MULTIPLE PEOPLE SUALLY, WH ONE OR MORE PEOPLE THKG WE WERE A MTED RELATNSHIP. SO NOW I HAVE EXPLIC AND CLEAR NVERSATNS ABOUT ALLLLL OF THIS.HOW I ROLLI INTIFY AS ETHILLY NON-MONOGAMO AND POLYAMORO, BUT I HAVE BEEN MONOGAMO RELATNSHIPS. HONTLY, PENDS ON HOW MUCH TIME MY LIFE I HAVE TO DITE TO RELATNSHIPS. MONOGAMY AND POLYAMORY REQUIRE MUCH MORE MUNITN, BEE YOU HAVE MORE PEOPLE VOLVED!LSON #4: THE MULTIPLICY OF “SHANE”IN THE HIGHLY PROBLEMATIC, BUT STILL BELOVED SHOW, THE L WORD, THERE’S A CHARACTER WHO IS REALLY REALLY ATTRACTIVE AND FDS THEMSELV TERRIBLE RELATNSHIPS, UALLY G HUGE EXPLOSNS.I’M PRETTY SURE PEOPLE HAVE WRTEN ENTIRE TH ON THIS CHARACTER, BUT IS WORTH WATCHG THE HOW TO ANALYZE HOW THE EXPECTATNS OF OTHER WOMEN CREATE A LOT OF THE ISSU — AND HOW SHANE’S BAGGAGE CREAT THEM AS WELL.ALSO, MY EXPERIENCE, EVERYONE DAT A SHANE. IT’S THE BT, ’S THE WORST, AND ’S JT PART OF THIS BIG OLD GAYMO WORLD WE’RE .LSON #5: TALKG ABOUT STD TTG

A study published by the Open Universy has found that gay upl are likely to be happier their relatnships than their heterosexual unterparts and several reasons have been posed, om ls genr stereotyp featurg the relatnship to a historil predisposn for ner ’s take a look at few more lsons to learn om our same-sex unterparts. A study by Colleen Hoff and Sean Beougher found that many gay upl spend time workg out tailed agreements about what kds of sexual ntact are permissible outsi the relatnship, unr what ndns or circumstanc and how often. As sex wrer Dan Savage says, gay upl often ask, “What are you to?

(Asi: I really fear makg people unfortable, and I’m bettg that om a space of ternalized homophobia, so there’s that. Somethg that I stggled wh was datg crappy people, bee I was nvced I was unlovable (woo beg raised a relig homophobic muny.

It’s the bt, ’s the worst, and ’s jt part of this big old gaymo world we’re #5: Talkg about STD TtgYou may have tuned out durg “The Talk” your school (or maybe you were raised abstence-only red stat), but is very CRITICAL to talk wh partners about when they were last tted between every partner.

GAY AND LBIAN RELATNSHIP ADVICE

New rearch (Haas & Lannutti, 2021) surveyg over 1, 300 transgenr, non-bary, gay, lbian, bisexual, and queer people om across the U. Gay men). 9% which foced exclively on gay men.

Th, there is likely more rearch on LGBTQ+ relatnship experienc journals such as Psychology & Sexualy, LGBT Health, Journal of Lbian Studi, Journal of Homosexualy, and the APA Journal of Sexual Orientatn and Genr Diversy. While all of the prcipl we share n apply to any relatnship (gay or straight), they are nohels based on our experienc as two lbian women.

The northern Italian cy of Padua has started removg the nam of non-blogil gay mothers om their children’s birth certifit unr new legislatn passed by the “tradnal fay-first” ernment of Prime Mister Grgia Meloni.