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7.39855 9.32101 7.73352C9.56221 8.05605 10.0191 8.12194 10.3416 7.88068C10.6641 7.63942 10.7299 7.18238 10.4887 6.85985C10.113 6.3574 9.63359 5.94165 9.08307 5.64081C8.53255 5.33997 7.92378 5.16107 7.29806 5.11625Z"></path></g></svg></div><div translated class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__size-14--Ume6q ontend-pencraft-Text-module__le-height-20--p0dP8 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__weight-normal--s54Wf ontend-pencraft-Text-module__font-text--QmNJR ontend-pencraft-Text-module__lor-sendary--WRADg ontend-pencraft-Text-module__ret--dW0zZ ontend-pencraft-Text-module__body4--Pl3xY">Copy lk</div></button><button tabInx="0" type="button" class="button share-actn"><div class="actn-in"><svg role="img" width="16" height="17" viewBox="0 0 16 17" fill="none" stroke-width="1.8" stroke="#000" xmlns="><g><tle></tle><path d="M10.6543 1.38723C10.3533 0.960814 9.95383 0.61341 9.48976 0.374567C9.02902 0.137956 8.51908 0.0130716 8.00115 0.0100098C7.86087 0.0101844 7.72354 0.0502687 7.60519 0.125581C7.48684 0.200893 7.39237 0.308324 7.3328 0.435326L5.00368 5.67077H3.029C2.72335 5.66964 2.42059 5.73003 2.13876 5.84833C1.85692 5.96663 1.60177 6.14043 1.38849 6.35938C1.16707 6.57502 0.991841 6.83346 0.873459 7.11897C0.755078 7.40447 0.696022 7.71108 0.699885 8.02014V13.691C0.699885 14.3087 0.945273 14.9012 1.38207 15.338C1.81886 15.7747 2.41128 16.0201 3.029 16.0201H13.348C13.8951 16.021 14.425 15.8283 14.8438 15.4762C15.2626 15.1241 15.5434 14.6352 15.6366 14.0961L16.6493 8.4252C16.7252 8.09192 16.7252 7.74582 16.6493 7.41254C16.566 7.08205 16.4104 6.7742 16.1936 6.51128C15.9746 6.25 15.7017 6.03926 15.3936 5.89355C15.0762 5.7467 14.7306 5.67068 14.3809 5.67077H10.5328L11.0391 4.37457C11.2397 3.88784 11.3162 3.35894 11.2619 2.83533C11.1853 2.30894 10.9763 1.81065 10.6543 1.38723ZM4.75052 14.5518H3.029C2.91049 14.5525 2.79303 14.5296 2.68349 14.4844C2.57394 14.4392 2.47452 14.3726 2.39102 14.2885C2.23609 14.1199 2.14945 13.8997 2.14799 13.6708V8.02014C2.14913 7.901 2.17389 7.78328 2.22082 7.67377C2.26775 7.56427 2.33592 7.46515 2.4214 7.38216C2.50369 7.29576 2.60267 7.22698 2.71233 7.17998C2.822 7.13298 2.94007 7.10874 3.05938 7.10874H4.7809L4.75052 14.5518ZM10.6746 7.05811H14.3809C14.5145 7.05821 14.6462 7.08942 14.7657 7.14925C14.8875 7.20532 14.9948 7.28845 15.0796 7.39229C15.1675 7.49052 15.2301 7.60871 15.2619 7.73659C15.2922 7.8665 15.2922 8.00162 15.2619 8.13153L14.2493 13.8024C14.2087 14.017 14.094 14.2106 13.9252 14.3492C13.7619 14.4812 13.558 14.5528 13.348 14.5518H6.19862V6.45052L8.43659 1.38723H8.52773C8.9042 1.50037 9.23304 1.73413 9.4636 2.05252C9.69416 2.37092 9.81365 2.75627 9.80368 3.14925C9.8181 3.39741 9.78015 3.64583 9.69229 3.87836L9.23659 5.04292C9.15397 5.273 9.12623 5.51921 9.15558 5.76191C9.1877 6.00427 9.27425 6.23623 9.40875 6.44039C9.5535 6.6376 9.74028 6.80017 9.95558 6.91634C10.1774 7.03206 10.4244 7.0912 10.6746 7.08849V7.05811Z"></path></g></svg></div><div translated class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__size-14--Ume6q ontend-pencraft-Text-module__le-height-20--p0dP8 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__weight-normal--s54Wf ontend-pencraft-Text-module__font-text--QmNJR ontend-pencraft-Text-module__lor-sendary--WRADg ontend-pencraft-Text-module__ret--dW0zZ ontend-pencraft-Text-module__body4--Pl3xY">Facebook</div></button><button tabInx="0" type="button" class="button share-actn"><div class="actn-in"><svg role="img" width="21" height="16" viewBox="0 0 21 16" fill="none" stroke-width="1.8" stroke="#000" xmlns="><g><tle></tle><path fill-le="evenodd" clip-le="evenodd" d="M2.22192 2.20503C2.36754 1.77115 2.78269 1.45455 3.26639 1.45455H17.9332C18.4169 1.45455 18.8321 1.77118 18.9777 2.2051L10.5999 8.02107L2.22192 2.20503ZM2.16639 3.94198V13.4545C2.16639 14.0529 2.66307 14.5455 3.26639 14.5455H17.9332C18.5365 14.5455 19.0332 14.0529 19.0332 13.4545V3.94206L11.0204 9.50462C10.7679 9.67991 10.4318 9.67991 10.1793 9.50462L2.16639 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15.9303C0.0874636 17.264 0.878901 18.6348 2.21255 18.9922L5.37495 19.8396V7.66664C5.37495 6.40099 6.40096 5.37498 7.66661 5.37498H19.4723C19.3299 5.30548 19.1788 5.24858 19.0201 5.20604L6.785 1.92766Z" stroke="none"></path><path fill-le="evenodd" clip-le="evenodd" d="M8.44161 7.4C7.86632 7.4 7.39995 7.86637 7.39995 8.44167V22.1081C7.39995 22.6834 7.86631 23.1498 8.4416 23.1498L22.1083 23.15C22.6836 23.15 23.1499 22.6836 23.1499 22.1083V8.44167C23.1499 7.86637 22.6836 7.4 22.1083 7.4H8.44161ZM10.3999 9.65C9.84766 9.65 9.39995 10.0977 9.39995 10.65C9.39995 11.2023 9.84766 11.65 10.3999 11.65H18.3999C18.9522 11.65 19.3999 11.2023 19.3999 10.65C19.3999 10.0977 18.9522 9.65 18.3999 9.65H10.3999ZM10.3999 14.15C9.84766 14.15 9.39995 14.5977 9.39995 15.15C9.39995 15.7023 9.84766 16.15 10.3999 16.15H15.3999C15.9522 16.15 16.3999 15.7023 16.3999 15.15C16.3999 14.5977 15.9522 14.15 15.3999 14.15H10.3999Z" stroke="none"></path></g></svg></div><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__size-14--Ume6q ontend-pencraft-Text-module__le-height-20--p0dP8 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__weight-normal--s54Wf ontend-pencraft-Text-module__font-text--QmNJR ontend-pencraft-Text-module__lor-sendary--WRADg ontend-pencraft-Text-module__ret--dW0zZ ontend-pencraft-Text-module__body4--Pl3xY">Not</div></button><button tabInx="0" id="trigger286111" aria-expand="false" aria-haspopup="dialog" aria-ntrols="dialog286112" ariaLabel="View more" type="button" class="button share-actn"><div class="actn-in"><svg role="img" width="100" height="100" viewBox="0 0 100 100" fill="none" stroke-width="1.8" stroke="#000" xmlns="><g><tle></tle><circle cx="23" cy="50" r="9"></circle><circle cx="50" cy="50" r="9"></circle><circle cx="77" cy="50" r="9"></circle></g></svg></div><div translated class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__size-14--Ume6q ontend-pencraft-Text-module__le-height-20--p0dP8 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__weight-normal--s54Wf ontend-pencraft-Text-module__font-text--QmNJR ontend-pencraft-Text-module__lor-sendary--WRADg ontend-pencraft-Text-module__ret--dW0zZ ontend-pencraft-Text-module__body4--Pl3xY">Other</div></button></div></div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="post-hear"><h1 class="post-tle unpublished">Help! I have a csh on my iend, who is gay.</h1><h3 class="subtle">It don't change anythg when we're together, but I thk about often when we're not.</h3><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__display-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-directn-lumn--Rq7pk ontend-pencraft-Box-module__paddg-bottom-16--KVxKv"><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__display-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-directn-lumn--Rq7pk ontend-pencraft-Box-module__paddg-y-16--ohCEm"><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__display-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-jtify-start--_8fEd ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-align-center--rSd6h ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-gap-12--rODKq"><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__display-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-directn-lumn--Rq7pk"><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__size-11--k1e8b ontend-pencraft-Text-module__le-height-20--p0dP8 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__weight-medium--x7khA ontend-pencraft-Text-module__font-meta--U_nxy ontend-pencraft-Text-module__lor-pub-primary-text--RzL7j ontend-pencraft-Text-module__transform-upperse--IDkUL ontend-pencraft-Text-module__ret--dW0zZ ontend-pencraft-Text-module__meta--jzHdd"><div class="profile-hover-rd-target ontend-rear2-ProfileAndPublitnHoverCard-module__profileHoverCardTarget--Od_YL"><a href=" class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__ratn-hover-unrle--BEYAn ontend-pencraft-Text-module__ret--dW0zZ">Sophia Beno</a></div></div><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__display-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-gap-4--zeW5_"><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__size-11--k1e8b ontend-pencraft-Text-module__le-height-20--p0dP8 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__weight-medium--x7khA ontend-pencraft-Text-module__font-meta--U_nxy ontend-pencraft-Text-module__lor-pub-sendary-text--OzRTa ontend-pencraft-Text-module__transform-upperse--IDkUL ontend-pencraft-Text-module__ret--dW0zZ ontend-pencraft-Text-module__meta--jzHdd">May 31, 2021</div></div></div></div></div><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flexGrow--mx4xz ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__display-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-jtify-space-between--NvIcg ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-align-center--rSd6h ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-gap-16--TpblU ontend-pencraft-Box-module__paddg-y-16--ohCEm ontend-pencraft-Box-module__borr-top-tail-themed--e17yZ ontend-pencraft-Box-module__borr-bottom-tail-themed--eVwFY post-ufi"><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__display-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-gap-8--HFpIK"><div class="like-button-ntaer post-ufi-button style-button"><a role="button" class="post-ufi-button style-button has-label wh-borr"><svg role="img" style="height: 20px; width: 20px;" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="#000000" stroke-width="2" stroke="#000" xmlns=" class="in"><g><tle></tle><svg xmlns=" width="24" height="24" viewBox="0 0 24 24" stroke-width="2" stroke-lep="round" stroke-lejo="round" class="luci luci-heart"><path d="M19 14c1.49-1.46 3-3.21 3-5.5A5.5 5.5 0 0 0 16.5 3c-1.76 0-3 .5-4.5 2-1.5-1.5-2.74-2-4.5-2A5.5 5.5 0 0 0 2 8.5c0 2.3 1.5 4.05 3 5.5l7 7Z"></path></svg></g></svg><div class="label">5</div></a><div ert role="dialog" class="modal typography out gone share-dialog popup"><div class="modal-table"><div class="modal-row"><div class="modal-cell modal-ntent no-fullscreen"><div class="ntaer"><button tabInx="0" type="button" data-ttid="close-modal" class="pencraft modal-btn modal-ex-btn no-marg ontend-pencraft-Button-module__inButton--xpBoH ontend-pencraft-Button-module__buttonBase--T0hXz ontend-pencraft-Button-module__size_40--RASvV ontend-pencraft-Button-module__prry_sendary--UEXV6 ontend-pencraft-Button-module__fill_empty--OPYgN ontend-pencraft-Button-module__round--D6jfD"><svg xmlns=" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="sendary" stroke-width="2" stroke-lep="round" stroke-lejo="round" class="luci luci-x"><le x1="18" x2="6" y1="6" y2="18"></le><le x1="6" x2="18" y1="6" y2="18"></le></svg></button><div class="share-dialog-tle">Share this post</div><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__display-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-directn-lumn--Rq7pk ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-gap-32--uRr14 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__paddg-x-24--ViY5j ontend-pencraft-Box-module__paddg-top-32--hE9Ly ontend-pencraft-Box-module__paddg-bottom-48--OND"><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__display-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-module__paddg-8--wF5Sz ontend-pencraft-Box-module__borr-tail--MiH57 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__borr-radi-12--AmQy9 social-preview-box post"><div class="social-image-box"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset=" /><img src=" siz="100vw" alt loadg="lazy" width="120" class="ontend-ponents-rponsive_img-module__img--Pgjj2 social-image" /></picture></div><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__display-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-directn-lumn--Rq7pk ontend-pencraft-Box-module__paddg-y-8--exiCC ontend-pencraft-Box-module__paddg-left-12--eE6bp"><h4 class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__size-16--fFowu ontend-pencraft-Text-module__le-height-20--p0dP8 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__weight-bold--Ps9DB ontend-pencraft-Text-module__font-text--QmNJR ontend-pencraft-Text-module__lor-primary--ud4Z0 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__ret--dW0zZ">Help! I have a csh on my iend, who is gay.</h4><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__size-14--Ume6q ontend-pencraft-Text-module__le-height-20--p0dP8 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__weight-normal--s54Wf ontend-pencraft-Text-module__font-text--QmNJR ontend-pencraft-Text-module__lor-sendary--WRADg ontend-pencraft-Text-module__ret--dW0zZ ontend-pencraft-Text-module__body4--Pl3xY"></div></div></div><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__display-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-jtify-space-between--NvIcg ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-gap-8--HFpIK share-dialog-buttons-wrapper"><button tabInx="0" type="button" class="button share-actn"><div class="actn-in"><svg role="img" width="20" height="16" viewBox="0 0 20 16" fill="none" stroke-width="1.8" stroke="#000" xmlns="><g><tle></tle><path fill-le="evenodd" clip-le="evenodd" d="M12.1303 0.000379039C10.9833 -0.00959082 9.87819 0.431464 9.05309 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class="label">Share</div></a></div></div></div></div><div class="visibily-check"></div><div class class><div class="available-ntent"><div dir="to" class="body markup"><p><em><strong>Here’s The Thg</strong></em><strong> is an advice lumn/newsletter where I mostly beg people to eher stop datg someone or to ask their csh out. Or I talk about weird thgs that me to my md that no one is payg me to wre about. I n never ci if I should palize the “the” </strong><em><strong>Here’s The Thg</strong></em><strong> or not; apologi on lack of nsistency. </strong></p><div data-ponent-name="SubscribeWidget" class="subscribe-widget"><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__display-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-jtify-center--SQPji"><div class="ontend-ponents-ee_email_form-module__ntaer--OfBh4"><form actn="/api/v1/ee?nojs=te" method="post" noValidate class="form ontend-ponents-ee_email_form-module__form--LDIzl"><put type="hidn" name="first_url" /><put type="hidn" name="first_referrer" /><put type="hidn" name="current_url" /><put type="hidn" name="current_referrer" /><put type="hidn" name="referral_" /><put type="hidn" name="source" value="subscribe-widget" /><put type="hidn" name="referrg_pub_id" /><put type="hidn" name="addnal_referrg_pub_ids" /><div class="ontend-ponents-ee_email_form-module__siBySiWrap--yhsgv"><put type="email" name="email" placeholr="Type your email..." class="pencraft ontend-ponents-ee_email_form-module__emailInput--BLQGf" /><button tabInx="0" type="subm" class="button rightButton primary subscribe-btn ontend-ponents-ee_email_form-module__button--WcLG9"><span class="button-text ">Subscribe</span></button></div><div id="error-ntaer"></div><div class="subtle-help-text below-put ontend-ponents-ee_email_form-module__lks--G_QlQ"></div></form><div class="ontend-log-typo_handler-EmailTypoHandler-module__animatnWrapper--UT0du"></div></div></div></div><div><hr /></div><h1 class="hear-wh-anchor-widget">A BIG SWEETIE: <div id="§a-big-sweetie" class="hear-anchor-widget offset-top"><div class="hear-anchor-widget-button-ntaer"><div href=" class="hear-anchor-widget-button"><svg xmlns=" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-lep="round" stroke-lejo="round" class="hear-anchor-widget-in"><path d="M10 13a5 5 0 0 0 7.54.54l3-3a5 5 0 0 0-7.07-7.07l-1.72 1.71"></path><path d="M14 11a5 5 0 0 0-7.54-.54l-3 3a5 5 0 0 0 7.07 7.07l1.71-1.71"></path></svg></div></div></div></h1><p>My qutn/problem is pretty simple- I (straight woman) have a csh on my gay male iend. I don't thk he has ever felt ambiguoly about his sexualy so to be clear I'm not nfed about what's possible or tryg to terpret mixed signals or anythg. And I'm not sure what happened to me- one day we were iends and the next day I had this csh. I gus I'm jt A) Embarrassed bee this seems somehow fundamentally embarrassg—I have only told my brother about this and, I gus, now you and the ter B) Bummed bee I don't have csh very often and how unfair is that the one I do now have is on someone to whom is pletely irrelevant and C) Sad bee I re about him more than anyone and what is one supposed to do wh that kd of rg when I will always jt be a close iend? I assume one day I'll get past this, and that when I do I will ntue to do the same thg I do now and have always done—work to be the bt iend I n to this person whom I re, and have always red a lot about. </p><p>I hope you don't tell me we shouldn't be iends (if that's the ncln you e to please don't answer this letter! I don't want to know...) bee I really don't thk this is gettg the way of our iendship. It don't change anythg when we're together, but I thk about often when we're not. Anyway—your advice lumn is so lovely and passnate I thought maybe you uld help me fd a better? more productive? way of thkg about this. </p><p class="button-wrapper" data-attrs="{"url":";,"text":"subm a qutn","actn":null,"class":null}" data-ponent-name="ButtonCreateButton"><a class="button primary" href="" rel><span>subm a qutn</span></a></p><div class="ptned-image-ntaer"><figure><a class="image-lk is-viewable-img image2" target="_blank" href=" data-ponent-name="Image2ToDOM" rel><div class="image2-set"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset=" 424w, 848w, 1272w, 1456w" siz="100vw" /><img src=" width="586" height="410.2" data-attrs="{"src":" Do Friends Wh Benefs Mean?","tle":null,"type":null,"href":null,"belowTheFold":false,"topImage":te,"ternalRedirect":null}" class="sizg-normal" alt="What Do Friends Wh Benefs Mean?" tle="What Do Friends Wh Benefs Mean?" srcset=" 424w, 848w, 1272w, 1456w" siz="100vw" fetchprry="high" /></picture><div class="image-lk-expand"><svg xmlns=" width="16" height="16" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="#FFFFFF" stroke-width="2" stroke-lep="round" stroke-lejo="round" class="luci luci-maximize2"><polyle pots="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyle><polyle pots="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyle><le x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></le><le x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></le></svg></div></div></a></figure></div><h1 class="hear-wh-anchor-widget">SOPHIA: <div id="§sophia" class="hear-anchor-widget offset-top"><div class="hear-anchor-widget-button-ntaer"><div href=" class="hear-anchor-widget-button"><svg xmlns=" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-lep="round" stroke-lejo="round" class="hear-anchor-widget-in"><path d="M10 13a5 5 0 0 0 7.54.54l3-3a5 5 0 0 0-7.07-7.07l-1.72 1.71"></path><path d="M14 11a5 5 0 0 0-7.54-.54l-3 3a5 5 0 0 0 7.07 7.07l1.71-1.71"></path></svg></div></div></div></h1><p>As you n maybe tell om me answerg your letter, I don’t thk you need to stop beg iends wh this guy at all! I don’t thk you need to change much of anythg. In fact, I thk actn is gog to be one of your bt tools as you move forward this iendship. </p><p><span>You do not have to act on attractn. I wish, fact, that more people (p straight cis men) knew this tth. The same way you n see a hot person and not tll them, you n have a csh on a iend and not act on . If you see this person as a person first and not a sexual object (which you clearly do!!!) you should not have much trouble</span><div class="footnote-hoverrd-target"><a class="footnote-anchor" data-ponent-name="FootnoteAnchorToDOM" id="footnote-anchor-1-37016149" href=" rel>1</a></div><span> keepg the csh out of the iendship. </span></p><p><span>A lot of people, thoands of lns of people history have had long, betiful iendships wh people who they are attracted to on some level. Tthfully, iendship and non-platonic love are not as dissiar as I thk society would like to believe. There is a </span><em>lot </em><span>of overlap. I thk ’s very, very mon and therefore unsurprisg that someone would velop a csh on a person they feel fortable and safe around, someone whose pany they enjoy. I thk that seems credibly normal, regardls of their availabily stat. It’s not all that different om velopg a csh on someone who is datg another person. It’s not evil or immoral to </span><em>have </em><span>the csh. But ’s certaly nvenient. </span></p><p><span>It is my strong remendatn, as is wh most thgs that fall somewhere along the tsive thoughts spectm—or thoughts/feelgs you don’t particularly </span><em>want </em><span>to have that rail you a b—that you give yourself a b of a break. The more you beat yourself up for havg this csh, for errant thoughts about how you fd him attractive, the more your bra will thk about the csh. Your bra starts dog this annoyg meta-thg where you thk about your csh and then you thk about thkg about your csh and then you thk about how much you want to stop thkg about thkg about your csh. It’s…not helpful. Instead, try your bt to tst that this csh will wane over time. You don’t need to speed up the timele—that is not your job. The job is simply to be a good iend and wa this out. </span></p><p><span>In the meantime, I thk ’s very very fair to feel both sad and bummed about the suatn, ’s fe to lament the “unfair”-ns of havg a csh on an unavailable person. I would try my bt not to get stuck this feelg, to not make the primary narrative of your romantic life. You n have csh on multiple people! (Includg this guy). You </span><em>will </em><span>have csh on other people the future. You are not doomed to a life of fallg for unavailable people—a trope movi seem to thk is A Thg. My suggtn is that while you n and should feel and label your feelgs, you do not need to make a hoe out of them and then live . </span></p><p><span>As for feelg embarrassed, I hear you. Tst me, I hear you. But is </span><em>not </em><span>embarassg or shameful to have a csh on a person! No one else is or would be judgg you for this. I promise you. I know that me sayg this isn’t gog to magilly make you feel totally shame-ee. But I do want you to hear that. We have </span><em>allllll </em><span>had csh on unavailable people. I mean, we thk rtoon characters are hot! (Lookg at you Li Shang). It’s not like csh are logic-based. The more embarrassment you bathe yourself , the bigger a al this csh be. </span></p><p>The bigger al you make this csh, the larger a role will play your life. A mantra/rea of some kd might help you when you’re feelg stuck on . Somethg like, “I’m gog to foc on my iendship wh Antoe, not my csh,” uld help you remember your goal, which is, ultimately, iendship. </p><p><span>And for the sake of said iendship, I would personally </span><em>not </em><span>tell him about the csh. I thk ’s very difficult to articulate the nuance of what you’re feelg to the subject of a csh whout makg weird. I don’t thk will give you anythg to “nfs” this. (I put nfs quot, bee this isn’t some mised or anythg; you aren’t dog anythg wrong). Addnally, I thk tellg him about the csh mak a bigger al than really is. </span></p><p>You have a csh on a iend. Ok. Not a big al; happens all the time. Your job is only to do nothg, to ntue on as you have, not lettg affect your iendship. Be a ltle extra reful to not brg your pa or anguish over your unrequed csh or your love life general to your iend; is not his problem or flt (of urse) that he don’t like you back romantilly. Outsi of that, jt be a iend and give yourself the tw gifts of time and grace. 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i have a gay crush on my best friend

Perhaps you have realized you are gay and that you have fallen love wh your iend. You have also probably realized that this is a lot to al wh! You may want to be hont wh your iend about your sexualy as well as your...

Contents:

HOW TO TELL IF YOUR GAY FRIEND HAS A CSH ON YOU - HOW TO REACT

Unrstandg and navigatg your csh A csh is somethg special, and you should enjoy havg one! But when that csh is the same genr as you are, n be a b strsful stead. Do this mean you're gay? Should you tell them?... * i have a gay crush on my best friend *

Do this mean you're gay? Also, keep md that havg a csh on a person of the same genr don't tomatilly mean you are gay.

Sexual orientatn is more than a qutn of whether you are gay, pansexual, queer, straight, or bisexual.

In addn, sexual orientatn is not jt about who you have feelgs for, 's also about how you thk of yourself (as, straight, gay, bisexual, pansexual, or somethg else), and how you actually behave. Once you are fortable enough, ask your csh some qutns to see how they feel about the LGBTQ muny or gay folks. " Or "Are you gay?

HERE'S THE THG SUBSCRIBESIGN {"@NTEXT":","@TYPE":"NEWSARTICLE","URL":","MAENTYOFPAGE":","HEADLE":"HELP! I HAVE A CSH ON MY IEND, WHO IS GAY.","SCRIPTN":"IT DON'T CHANGE ANYTHG WHEN WE'RE TOGETHER, BUT I THK ABOUT OFTEN WHEN WE'RE NOT.","IMAGE":[{"@TYPE":"IMAGEOBJECT","URL":"}],"DATEPUBLISHED":"2021-05-31T15:04:25+00:00","DATEMODIFIED":"2021-05-31T15:04:25+00:00","ISACCSIBLEFORFREE":TE,"THOR":[{"@TYPE":"PERSON","NAME":"SOPHIA BENO","URL":","SCRIPTN":"AUTHOR OF WELL, THIS IS EXHAUSTING | SEX, CULTURE & ADVICE LUMNIST FOR BTLE AND GQ | IBS SUFFERER \N\N","INTIFIER":"ER:1914946","SAMEAS":["],"IMAGE":{"@TYPE":"IMAGEOBJECT","NTENTURL":","THUMBNAILURL":"}}],"PUBLISHER":{"@TYPE":"ORGANIZATN","NAME":"HERE'S THE THG ","URL":","SCRIPTN":"ADVICE + LISTS + HORNS, MOSTLY","TERACTNSTATISTIC":{"@TYPE":"INTERACTNCOUNTER","NAME":"SUBSCRIBERS","TERACTNTYPE":","ERINTERACTNCOUNT":1000},"INTIFIER":"PUB:7043","LOGO":{"@TYPE":"IMAGEOBJECT","URL":","NTENTURL":","THUMBNAILURL":"},"IMAGE":{"@TYPE":"IMAGEOBJECT","URL":","NTENTURL":","THUMBNAILURL":"},"SAMEAS":["]}}SHARE THIS POSTHELP! I HAVE A CSH ON MY IEND, WHO IS COPY LKFACEBOOKEMAILNOTOTHERHELP! I HAVE A CSH ON MY IEND, WHO IS GAY.IT DON'T CHANGE ANYTHG WHEN WE'RE TOGETHER, BUT I THK ABOUT OFTEN WHEN WE'RE NOT.SOPHIA BENOMAY 31, 20215SHARE THIS POSTHELP! I HAVE A CSH ON MY IEND, WHO IS COPY LKFACEBOOKEMAILNOTOTHERSHAREHERE’S THE THG IS AN ADVICE LUMN/NEWSLETTER WHERE I MOSTLY BEG PEOPLE TO EHER STOP DATG SOMEONE OR TO ASK THEIR CSH OUT. OR I TALK ABOUT WEIRD THGS THAT ME TO MY MD THAT NO ONE IS PAYG ME TO WRE ABOUT. I N NEVER CI IF I SHOULD PALIZE THE “THE” HERE’S THE THG OR NOT; APOLOGI ON LACK OF NSISTENCY. SUBSCRIBEA BIG SWEETIE: MY QUTN/PROBLEM IS PRETTY SIMPLE- I (STRAIGHT WOMAN) HAVE A CSH ON MY GAY MALE IEND. I DON'T THK HE HAS EVER FELT AMBIGUOLY ABOUT HIS SEXUALY SO TO BE CLEAR I'M NOT NFED ABOUT WHAT'S POSSIBLE OR TRYG TO TERPRET MIXED SIGNALS OR ANYTHG. AND I'M NOT SURE WHAT HAPPENED TO ME- ONE DAY WE WERE IENDS AND THE NEXT DAY I HAD THIS CSH. I GUS I'M JT A) EMBARRASSED BEE THIS SEEMS SOMEHOW FUNDAMENTALLY EMBARRASSG—I HAVE ONLY TOLD MY BROTHER ABOUT THIS AND, I GUS, NOW YOU AND THE TER B) BUMMED BEE I DON'T HAVE CSH VERY OFTEN AND HOW UNFAIR IS THAT THE ONE I DO NOW HAVE IS ON SOMEONE TO WHOM IS PLETELY IRRELEVANT AND C) SAD BEE I RE ABOUT HIM MORE THAN ANYONE AND WHAT IS ONE SUPPOSED TO DO WH THAT KD OF RG WHEN I WILL ALWAYS JT BE A CLOSE IEND? I ASSUME ONE DAY I'LL GET PAST THIS, AND THAT WHEN I DO I WILL NTUE TO DO THE SAME THG I DO NOW AND HAVE ALWAYS DONE—WORK TO BE THE BT IEND I N TO THIS PERSON WHOM I RE, AND HAVE ALWAYS RED A LOT ABOUT. I HOPE YOU DON'T TELL ME WE SHOULDN'T BE IENDS (IF THAT'S THE NCLN YOU E TO PLEASE DON'T ANSWER THIS LETTER! I DON'T WANT TO KNOW...) BEE I REALLY DON'T THK THIS IS GETTG THE WAY OF OUR IENDSHIP. IT DON'T CHANGE ANYTHG WHEN WE'RE TOGETHER, BUT I THK ABOUT OFTEN WHEN WE'RE NOT. ANYWAY—YOUR ADVICE LUMN IS SO LOVELY AND PASSNATE I THOUGHT MAYBE YOU ULD HELP ME FD A BETTER? MORE PRODUCTIVE? WAY OF THKG ABOUT THIS. SUBM A QUTNSOPHIA:

How to tell if your gay iend has a csh on you are subtle ways to notice the signs that your gay iend wants you to romantilly get closer to him. * i have a gay crush on my best friend *

Which means you need to start noticg whether or not your gay iend is htg at you. Here are the subtle ways on how to tell if your gay iend has a csh on you:.

HOW TO TELL A FRIEND YOU'RE GAY AND YOU LOVE THEM

Now he is askg you “so, let’s pretend you’re a gay relatnship. Also read: How Should You Talk to a Friend Who’s Gay. How You Should Reply To The Fact That Your Gay Friend Lik You.

Now you know whether or not your gay iend really lik you through how to tell if your gay iend has a csh on you.

Your oblivns should be gone by the time you learn how to tell if your gay iend has a csh on you. My qutn/problem is pretty simple- I (straight woman) have a csh on my gay male iend. Perhaps you have realized you are gay and that you have fallen love wh your iend.

I HAVE A CSH ON MY GAY IEND

Before you share the romantic feelgs you have toward your iend, you want your iend to know that you are gay. It is bt to jt e right out and say : “Matt, I’m gay” or “Hey, I jt wanted to let you know that I’m gay. If you haven’t already, is a good ia to tell others that you are gay, too, bis jt your iend.

How do you know if you’re gay?

You uld ask, “What would you do if you were gay and had a csh on your iend? After you tell your iend you’re gay, pay close attentn to their behavr when they’re around you for a while.

*BEAR-MAGAZINE.COM* I HAVE A GAY CRUSH ON MY BEST FRIEND

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13.6708V8.02014C2.14913 7.901 2.17389 7.78328 2.22082 7.67377C2.26775 7.56427 2.33592 7.46515 2.4214 7.38216C2.50369 7.29576 2.60267 7.22698 2.71233 7.17998C2.822 7.13298 2.94007 7.10874 3.05938 7.10874H4.7809L4.75052 14.5518ZM10.6746 7.05811H14.3809C14.5145 7.05821 14.6462 7.08942 14.7657 7.14925C14.8875 7.20532 14.9948 7.28845 15.0796 7.39229C15.1675 7.49052 15.2301 7.60871 15.2619 7.73659C15.2922 7.8665 15.2922 8.00162 15.2619 8.13153L14.2493 13.8024C14.2087 14.017 14.094 14.2106 13.9252 14.3492C13.7619 14.4812 13.558 14.5528 13.348 14.5518H6.19862V6.45052L8.43659 1.38723H8.52773C8.9042 1.50037 9.23304 1.73413 9.4636 2.05252C9.69416 2.37092 9.81365 2.75627 9.80368 3.14925C9.8181 3.39741 9.78015 3.64583 9.69229 3.87836L9.23659 5.04292C9.15397 5.273 9.12623 5.51921 9.15558 5.76191C9.1877 6.00427 9.27425 6.23623 9.40875 6.44039C9.5535 6.6376 9.74028 6.80017 9.95558 6.91634C10.1774 7.03206 10.4244 7.0912 10.6746 7.08849V7.05811Z"></path></g></svg></div><div translated class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__size-14--Ume6q ontend-pencraft-Text-module__le-height-20--p0dP8 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__weight-normal--s54Wf ontend-pencraft-Text-module__font-text--QmNJR ontend-pencraft-Text-module__lor-sendary--WRADg ontend-pencraft-Text-module__ret--dW0zZ ontend-pencraft-Text-module__body4--Pl3xY">Facebook</div></button><button tabInx="0" type="button" class="button share-actn"><div class="actn-in"><svg role="img" width="21" height="16" viewBox="0 0 21 16" fill="none" stroke-width="1.8" stroke="#000" xmlns="><g><tle></tle><path fill-le="evenodd" clip-le="evenodd" d="M2.22192 2.20503C2.36754 1.77115 2.78269 1.45455 3.26639 1.45455H17.9332C18.4169 1.45455 18.8321 1.77118 18.9777 2.2051L10.5999 8.02107L2.22192 2.20503ZM2.16639 3.94198V13.4545C2.16639 14.0529 2.66307 14.5455 3.26639 14.5455H17.9332C18.5365 14.5455 19.0332 14.0529 19.0332 13.4545V3.94206L11.0204 9.50462C10.7679 9.67991 10.4318 9.67991 10.1793 9.50462L2.16639 3.94198ZM20.4999 2.55809V13.4545C20.4999 14.8562 19.3465 16 17.9332 16H3.26639C1.85304 16 0.699707 14.8562 0.699707 13.4545V2.54545C0.699707 1.14379 1.85304 0 3.26639 0H17.9332C19.3407 0 20.4904 1.13441 20.4998 2.52818C20.5 2.53816 20.5001 2.54813 20.4999 2.55809Z"></path></g></svg></div><div translated class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__size-14--Ume6q ontend-pencraft-Text-module__le-height-20--p0dP8 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__weight-normal--s54Wf ontend-pencraft-Text-module__font-text--QmNJR ontend-pencraft-Text-module__lor-sendary--WRADg ontend-pencraft-Text-module__ret--dW0zZ ontend-pencraft-Text-module__body4--Pl3xY">Email</div></button><button tabInx="0" type="button" class="button share-actn"><div class="actn-in"><svg role="img" width="24" height="24" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke-width="1.8" stroke="#000" xmlns="><g><tle></tle><path d="M6.785 1.92766C5.45134 1.57031 4.08049 2.36176 3.72314 3.69543L0.444815 15.9303C0.0874636 17.264 0.878901 18.6348 2.21255 18.9922L5.37495 19.8396V7.66664C5.37495 6.40099 6.40096 5.37498 7.66661 5.37498H19.4723C19.3299 5.30548 19.1788 5.24858 19.0201 5.20604L6.785 1.92766Z" stroke="none"></path><path fill-le="evenodd" clip-le="evenodd" d="M8.44161 7.4C7.86632 7.4 7.39995 7.86637 7.39995 8.44167V22.1081C7.39995 22.6834 7.86631 23.1498 8.4416 23.1498L22.1083 23.15C22.6836 23.15 23.1499 22.6836 23.1499 22.1083V8.44167C23.1499 7.86637 22.6836 7.4 22.1083 7.4H8.44161ZM10.3999 9.65C9.84766 9.65 9.39995 10.0977 9.39995 10.65C9.39995 11.2023 9.84766 11.65 10.3999 11.65H18.3999C18.9522 11.65 19.3999 11.2023 19.3999 10.65C19.3999 10.0977 18.9522 9.65 18.3999 9.65H10.3999ZM10.3999 14.15C9.84766 14.15 9.39995 14.5977 9.39995 15.15C9.39995 15.7023 9.84766 16.15 10.3999 16.15H15.3999C15.9522 16.15 16.3999 15.7023 16.3999 15.15C16.3999 14.5977 15.9522 14.15 15.3999 14.15H10.3999Z" stroke="none"></path></g></svg></div><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__size-14--Ume6q ontend-pencraft-Text-module__le-height-20--p0dP8 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__weight-normal--s54Wf ontend-pencraft-Text-module__font-text--QmNJR ontend-pencraft-Text-module__lor-sendary--WRADg ontend-pencraft-Text-module__ret--dW0zZ ontend-pencraft-Text-module__body4--Pl3xY">Not</div></button><button tabInx="0" id="trigger286111" aria-expand="false" aria-haspopup="dialog" aria-ntrols="dialog286112" ariaLabel="View more" type="button" class="button share-actn"><div class="actn-in"><svg role="img" width="100" height="100" viewBox="0 0 100 100" fill="none" stroke-width="1.8" stroke="#000" xmlns="><g><tle></tle><circle cx="23" cy="50" r="9"></circle><circle cx="50" cy="50" r="9"></circle><circle cx="77" cy="50" r="9"></circle></g></svg></div><div translated class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__size-14--Ume6q ontend-pencraft-Text-module__le-height-20--p0dP8 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__weight-normal--s54Wf ontend-pencraft-Text-module__font-text--QmNJR ontend-pencraft-Text-module__lor-sendary--WRADg ontend-pencraft-Text-module__ret--dW0zZ ontend-pencraft-Text-module__body4--Pl3xY">Other</div></button></div></div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="post-hear"><h1 class="post-tle unpublished">Help! I have a csh on my iend, who is gay.</h1><h3 class="subtle">It don't change anythg when we're together, but I thk about often when we're not.</h3><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__display-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-directn-lumn--Rq7pk ontend-pencraft-Box-module__paddg-bottom-16--KVxKv"><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__display-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-directn-lumn--Rq7pk ontend-pencraft-Box-module__paddg-y-16--ohCEm"><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__display-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-jtify-start--_8fEd ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-align-center--rSd6h ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-gap-12--rODKq"><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__display-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-directn-lumn--Rq7pk"><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__size-11--k1e8b ontend-pencraft-Text-module__le-height-20--p0dP8 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__weight-medium--x7khA ontend-pencraft-Text-module__font-meta--U_nxy ontend-pencraft-Text-module__lor-pub-primary-text--RzL7j ontend-pencraft-Text-module__transform-upperse--IDkUL ontend-pencraft-Text-module__ret--dW0zZ ontend-pencraft-Text-module__meta--jzHdd"><div class="profile-hover-rd-target ontend-rear2-ProfileAndPublitnHoverCard-module__profileHoverCardTarget--Od_YL"><a href=" class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__ratn-hover-unrle--BEYAn ontend-pencraft-Text-module__ret--dW0zZ">Sophia Beno</a></div></div><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__display-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-gap-4--zeW5_"><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__size-11--k1e8b ontend-pencraft-Text-module__le-height-20--p0dP8 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__weight-medium--x7khA ontend-pencraft-Text-module__font-meta--U_nxy ontend-pencraft-Text-module__lor-pub-sendary-text--OzRTa ontend-pencraft-Text-module__transform-upperse--IDkUL ontend-pencraft-Text-module__ret--dW0zZ ontend-pencraft-Text-module__meta--jzHdd">May 31, 2021</div></div></div></div></div><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flexGrow--mx4xz ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__display-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-jtify-space-between--NvIcg ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-align-center--rSd6h ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-gap-16--TpblU ontend-pencraft-Box-module__paddg-y-16--ohCEm ontend-pencraft-Box-module__borr-top-tail-themed--e17yZ ontend-pencraft-Box-module__borr-bottom-tail-themed--eVwFY post-ufi"><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__display-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-gap-8--HFpIK"><div class="like-button-ntaer post-ufi-button style-button"><a role="button" class="post-ufi-button style-button has-label wh-borr"><svg role="img" style="height: 20px; width: 20px;" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="#000000" stroke-width="2" stroke="#000" xmlns=" class="in"><g><tle></tle><svg xmlns=" width="24" height="24" viewBox="0 0 24 24" stroke-width="2" stroke-lep="round" stroke-lejo="round" class="luci luci-heart"><path d="M19 14c1.49-1.46 3-3.21 3-5.5A5.5 5.5 0 0 0 16.5 3c-1.76 0-3 .5-4.5 2-1.5-1.5-2.74-2-4.5-2A5.5 5.5 0 0 0 2 8.5c0 2.3 1.5 4.05 3 5.5l7 7Z"></path></svg></g></svg><div class="label">5</div></a><div ert role="dialog" class="modal typography out gone share-dialog popup"><div class="modal-table"><div class="modal-row"><div class="modal-cell modal-ntent no-fullscreen"><div class="ntaer"><button tabInx="0" type="button" data-ttid="close-modal" class="pencraft modal-btn modal-ex-btn no-marg ontend-pencraft-Button-module__inButton--xpBoH ontend-pencraft-Button-module__buttonBase--T0hXz ontend-pencraft-Button-module__size_40--RASvV ontend-pencraft-Button-module__prry_sendary--UEXV6 ontend-pencraft-Button-module__fill_empty--OPYgN ontend-pencraft-Button-module__round--D6jfD"><svg xmlns=" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="sendary" stroke-width="2" stroke-lep="round" stroke-lejo="round" class="luci luci-x"><le x1="18" x2="6" y1="6" y2="18"></le><le x1="6" x2="18" y1="6" y2="18"></le></svg></button><div class="share-dialog-tle">Share this post</div><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__display-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-directn-lumn--Rq7pk ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-gap-32--uRr14 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__paddg-x-24--ViY5j ontend-pencraft-Box-module__paddg-top-32--hE9Ly ontend-pencraft-Box-module__paddg-bottom-48--OND"><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__display-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-module__paddg-8--wF5Sz ontend-pencraft-Box-module__borr-tail--MiH57 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__borr-radi-12--AmQy9 social-preview-box post"><div class="social-image-box"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset=" /><img src=" siz="100vw" alt loadg="lazy" width="120" class="ontend-ponents-rponsive_img-module__img--Pgjj2 social-image" /></picture></div><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__display-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-directn-lumn--Rq7pk ontend-pencraft-Box-module__paddg-y-8--exiCC ontend-pencraft-Box-module__paddg-left-12--eE6bp"><h4 class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__size-16--fFowu ontend-pencraft-Text-module__le-height-20--p0dP8 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__weight-bold--Ps9DB ontend-pencraft-Text-module__font-text--QmNJR ontend-pencraft-Text-module__lor-primary--ud4Z0 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__ret--dW0zZ">Help! I have a csh on my iend, who is gay.</h4><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__size-14--Ume6q ontend-pencraft-Text-module__le-height-20--p0dP8 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__weight-normal--s54Wf ontend-pencraft-Text-module__font-text--QmNJR ontend-pencraft-Text-module__lor-sendary--WRADg ontend-pencraft-Text-module__ret--dW0zZ ontend-pencraft-Text-module__body4--Pl3xY"></div></div></div><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__display-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-jtify-space-between--NvIcg ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-gap-8--HFpIK share-dialog-buttons-wrapper"><button tabInx="0" type="button" class="button share-actn"><div class="actn-in"><svg role="img" width="20" height="16" viewBox="0 0 20 16" fill="none" stroke-width="1.8" stroke="#000" xmlns="><g><tle></tle><path fill-le="evenodd" clip-le="evenodd" d="M12.1303 0.000379039C10.9833 -0.00959082 9.87819 0.431464 9.05309 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0.0103489 12.1303 0.000379039ZM7.29806 5.11625C6.67234 5.07142 6.0443 5.16173 5.45654 5.38103C4.86882 5.60031 4.33502 5.94355 3.89153 6.38727L1.70423 8.57506L1.69534 8.5841C0.898438 9.40939 0.457483 10.5147 0.467451 11.662C0.477418 12.8094 0.937512 13.9069 1.74864 14.7182C2.55976 15.5295 3.65701 15.9897 4.80407 15.9996C5.95113 16.0096 7.05622 15.5685 7.88132 14.7715L7.89035 14.7626L9.13717 13.5155C9.42192 13.2307 9.42192 12.7689 9.13717 12.4841C8.85243 12.1993 8.39077 12.1993 8.10602 12.4841L6.86392 13.7265C6.31432 14.2552 5.57945 14.5477 4.81675 14.5411C4.05204 14.5344 3.32054 14.2276 2.77979 13.6868C2.23904 13.1459 1.93231 12.4142 1.92566 11.6494C1.91904 10.8865 2.21146 10.1514 2.74011 9.60172L4.92287 7.41846C5.21854 7.12262 5.57437 6.89384 5.96621 6.74763C6.35805 6.60143 6.77674 6.54123 7.19389 6.57111C7.61104 6.601 8.01688 6.72026 8.38389 6.92082C8.75091 7.12138 9.0705 7.39855 9.32101 7.73352C9.56221 8.05605 10.0191 8.12194 10.3416 7.88068C10.6641 7.63942 10.7299 7.18238 10.4887 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class="label">Share</div></a></div></div></div></div><div class="visibily-check"></div><div class class><div class="available-ntent"><div dir="to" class="body markup"><p><em><strong>Here’s The Thg</strong></em><strong> is an advice lumn/newsletter where I mostly beg people to eher stop datg someone or to ask their csh out. Or I talk about weird thgs that me to my md that no one is payg me to wre about. I n never ci if I should palize the “the” </strong><em><strong>Here’s The Thg</strong></em><strong> or not; apologi on lack of nsistency. </strong></p><div data-ponent-name="SubscribeWidget" class="subscribe-widget"><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__display-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-jtify-center--SQPji"><div class="ontend-ponents-ee_email_form-module__ntaer--OfBh4"><form actn="/api/v1/ee?nojs=te" method="post" noValidate class="form ontend-ponents-ee_email_form-module__form--LDIzl"><put type="hidn" name="first_url" /><put type="hidn" name="first_referrer" /><put type="hidn" name="current_url" /><put type="hidn" name="current_referrer" /><put type="hidn" name="referral_" /><put type="hidn" name="source" value="subscribe-widget" /><put type="hidn" name="referrg_pub_id" /><put type="hidn" name="addnal_referrg_pub_ids" /><div class="ontend-ponents-ee_email_form-module__siBySiWrap--yhsgv"><put type="email" name="email" placeholr="Type your email..." class="pencraft ontend-ponents-ee_email_form-module__emailInput--BLQGf" /><button tabInx="0" type="subm" class="button rightButton primary subscribe-btn ontend-ponents-ee_email_form-module__button--WcLG9"><span class="button-text ">Subscribe</span></button></div><div id="error-ntaer"></div><div class="subtle-help-text below-put ontend-ponents-ee_email_form-module__lks--G_QlQ"></div></form><div class="ontend-log-typo_handler-EmailTypoHandler-module__animatnWrapper--UT0du"></div></div></div></div><div><hr /></div><h1 class="hear-wh-anchor-widget">A BIG SWEETIE: <div id="§a-big-sweetie" class="hear-anchor-widget offset-top"><div class="hear-anchor-widget-button-ntaer"><div href=" class="hear-anchor-widget-button"><svg xmlns=" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-lep="round" stroke-lejo="round" class="hear-anchor-widget-in"><path d="M10 13a5 5 0 0 0 7.54.54l3-3a5 5 0 0 0-7.07-7.07l-1.72 1.71"></path><path d="M14 11a5 5 0 0 0-7.54-.54l-3 3a5 5 0 0 0 7.07 7.07l1.71-1.71"></path></svg></div></div></div></h1><p>My qutn/problem is pretty simple- I (straight woman) have a csh on my gay male iend. I don't thk he has ever felt ambiguoly about his sexualy so to be clear I'm not nfed about what's possible or tryg to terpret mixed signals or anythg. And I'm not sure what happened to me- one day we were iends and the next day I had this csh. I gus I'm jt A) Embarrassed bee this seems somehow fundamentally embarrassg—I have only told my brother about this and, I gus, now you and the ter B) Bummed bee I don't have csh very often and how unfair is that the one I do now have is on someone to whom is pletely irrelevant and C) Sad bee I re about him more than anyone and what is one supposed to do wh that kd of rg when I will always jt be a close iend? I assume one day I'll get past this, and that when I do I will ntue to do the same thg I do now and have always done—work to be the bt iend I n to this person whom I re, and have always red a lot about. </p><p>I hope you don't tell me we shouldn't be iends (if that's the ncln you e to please don't answer this letter! I don't want to know...) bee I really don't thk this is gettg the way of our iendship. It don't change anythg when we're together, but I thk about often when we're not. Anyway—your advice lumn is so lovely and passnate I thought maybe you uld help me fd a better? more productive? way of thkg about this. </p><p class="button-wrapper" data-attrs="{"url":";,"text":"subm a qutn","actn":null,"class":null}" data-ponent-name="ButtonCreateButton"><a class="button primary" href="" rel><span>subm a qutn</span></a></p><div class="ptned-image-ntaer"><figure><a class="image-lk is-viewable-img image2" target="_blank" href=" data-ponent-name="Image2ToDOM" rel><div class="image2-set"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset=" 424w, 848w, 1272w, 1456w" siz="100vw" /><img src=" width="586" height="410.2" data-attrs="{"src":" Do Friends Wh Benefs Mean?","tle":null,"type":null,"href":null,"belowTheFold":false,"topImage":te,"ternalRedirect":null}" class="sizg-normal" alt="What Do Friends Wh Benefs Mean?" tle="What Do Friends Wh Benefs Mean?" srcset=" 424w, 848w, 1272w, 1456w" siz="100vw" fetchprry="high" /></picture><div class="image-lk-expand"><svg xmlns=" width="16" height="16" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="#FFFFFF" stroke-width="2" stroke-lep="round" stroke-lejo="round" class="luci luci-maximize2"><polyle pots="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyle><polyle pots="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyle><le x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></le><le x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></le></svg></div></div></a></figure></div><h1 class="hear-wh-anchor-widget">SOPHIA: <div id="§sophia" class="hear-anchor-widget offset-top"><div class="hear-anchor-widget-button-ntaer"><div href=" class="hear-anchor-widget-button"><svg xmlns=" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-lep="round" stroke-lejo="round" class="hear-anchor-widget-in"><path d="M10 13a5 5 0 0 0 7.54.54l3-3a5 5 0 0 0-7.07-7.07l-1.72 1.71"></path><path d="M14 11a5 5 0 0 0-7.54-.54l-3 3a5 5 0 0 0 7.07 7.07l1.71-1.71"></path></svg></div></div></div></h1><p>As you n maybe tell om me answerg your letter, I don’t thk you need to stop beg iends wh this guy at all! I don’t thk you need to change much of anythg. In fact, I thk actn is gog to be one of your bt tools as you move forward this iendship. </p><p><span>You do not have to act on attractn. I wish, fact, that more people (p straight cis men) knew this tth. The same way you n see a hot person and not tll them, you n have a csh on a iend and not act on . If you see this person as a person first and not a sexual object (which you clearly do!!!) you should not have much trouble</span><div class="footnote-hoverrd-target"><a class="footnote-anchor" data-ponent-name="FootnoteAnchorToDOM" id="footnote-anchor-1-37016149" href=" rel>1</a></div><span> keepg the csh out of the iendship. </span></p><p><span>A lot of people, thoands of lns of people history have had long, betiful iendships wh people who they are attracted to on some level. Tthfully, iendship and non-platonic love are not as dissiar as I thk society would like to believe. There is a </span><em>lot </em><span>of overlap. I thk ’s very, very mon and therefore unsurprisg that someone would velop a csh on a person they feel fortable and safe around, someone whose pany they enjoy. I thk that seems credibly normal, regardls of their availabily stat. It’s not all that different om velopg a csh on someone who is datg another person. It’s not evil or immoral to </span><em>have </em><span>the csh. But ’s certaly nvenient. </span></p><p><span>It is my strong remendatn, as is wh most thgs that fall somewhere along the tsive thoughts spectm—or thoughts/feelgs you don’t particularly </span><em>want </em><span>to have that rail you a b—that you give yourself a b of a break. The more you beat yourself up for havg this csh, for errant thoughts about how you fd him attractive, the more your bra will thk about the csh. Your bra starts dog this annoyg meta-thg where you thk about your csh and then you thk about thkg about your csh and then you thk about how much you want to stop thkg about thkg about your csh. It’s…not helpful. Instead, try your bt to tst that this csh will wane over time. You don’t need to speed up the timele—that is not your job. The job is simply to be a good iend and wa this out. </span></p><p><span>In the meantime, I thk ’s very very fair to feel both sad and bummed about the suatn, ’s fe to lament the “unfair”-ns of havg a csh on an unavailable person. I would try my bt not to get stuck this feelg, to not make the primary narrative of your romantic life. You n have csh on multiple people! (Includg this guy). You </span><em>will </em><span>have csh on other people the future. You are not doomed to a life of fallg for unavailable people—a trope movi seem to thk is A Thg. My suggtn is that while you n and should feel and label your feelgs, you do not need to make a hoe out of them and then live . </span></p><p><span>As for feelg embarrassed, I hear you. Tst me, I hear you. But is </span><em>not </em><span>embarassg or shameful to have a csh on a person! No one else is or would be judgg you for this. I promise you. I know that me sayg this isn’t gog to magilly make you feel totally shame-ee. But I do want you to hear that. We have </span><em>allllll </em><span>had csh on unavailable people. I mean, we thk rtoon characters are hot! (Lookg at you Li Shang). It’s not like csh are logic-based. The more embarrassment you bathe yourself , the bigger a al this csh be. </span></p><p>The bigger al you make this csh, the larger a role will play your life. A mantra/rea of some kd might help you when you’re feelg stuck on . Somethg like, “I’m gog to foc on my iendship wh Antoe, not my csh,” uld help you remember your goal, which is, ultimately, iendship. </p><p><span>And for the sake of said iendship, I would personally </span><em>not </em><span>tell him about the csh. I thk ’s very difficult to articulate the nuance of what you’re feelg to the subject of a csh whout makg weird. I don’t thk will give you anythg to “nfs” this. (I put nfs quot, bee this isn’t some mised or anythg; you aren’t dog anythg wrong). Addnally, I thk tellg him about the csh mak a bigger al than really is. </span></p><p>You have a csh on a iend. Ok. Not a big al; happens all the time. Your job is only to do nothg, to ntue on as you have, not lettg affect your iendship. Be a ltle extra reful to not brg your pa or anguish over your unrequed csh or your love life general to your iend; is not his problem or flt (of urse) that he don’t like you back romantilly. Outsi of that, jt be a iend and give yourself the tw gifts of time and grace. You’re human. </p><div><hr /></div><p><em>You n subm your own qutn—or yell at me about how I’m wrong—by emailg me at </em></p><div data-ponent-name="SubscribeWidget" class="subscribe-widget"><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__display-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-jtify-center--SQPji"><div class="ontend-ponents-ee_email_form-module__ntaer--OfBh4"><form actn="/api/v1/ee?nojs=te" method="post" noValidate class="form ontend-ponents-ee_email_form-module__form--LDIzl"><put type="hidn" name="first_url" /><put type="hidn" name="first_referrer" /><put type="hidn" name="current_url" /><put type="hidn" name="current_referrer" /><put type="hidn" name="referral_" /><put type="hidn" name="source" value="subscribe-widget" /><put type="hidn" name="referrg_pub_id" /><put type="hidn" name="addnal_referrg_pub_ids" /><div class="ontend-ponents-ee_email_form-module__siBySiWrap--yhsgv"><put type="email" name="email" placeholr="Type your email..." class="pencraft ontend-ponents-ee_email_form-module__emailInput--BLQGf" /><button tabInx="0" type="subm" class="button rightButton primary subscribe-btn ontend-ponents-ee_email_form-module__button--WcLG9"><span class="button-text ">Subscribe</span></button></div><div id="error-ntaer"></div><div class="subtle-help-text below-put ontend-ponents-ee_email_form-module__lks--G_QlQ"></div></form><div class="ontend-log-typo_handler-EmailTypoHandler-module__animatnWrapper--UT0du"></div></div></div></div><div class="footnote" data-ponent-name="FootnoteToDOM"><a id="footnote-1-37016149" href=" class="footnote-number" ntentedable="false" rel>1</a><div class="footnote-ntent"><p>It’s not that this will always be easy all of the time, every mute of the day, but that the job is doable. </p></div></div></div></div><div class="visibily-check"></div><div class="post-footer"><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flexGrow--mx4xz ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__display-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-jtify-space-between--NvIcg ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-align-center--rSd6h ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-gap-16--TpblU ontend-pencraft-Box-module__paddg-y-16--ohCEm ontend-pencraft-Box-module__borr-top-tail-themed--e17yZ ontend-pencraft-Box-module__borr-bottom-tail-themed--eVwFY post-ufi"><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__display-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-gap-8--HFpIK"><div class="like-button-ntaer post-ufi-button style-button"><a role="button" class="post-ufi-button style-button has-label wh-borr"><svg role="img" style="height: 20px; width: 20px;" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="#000000" stroke-width="2" stroke="#000" xmlns=" class="in"><g><tle></tle><svg xmlns=" width="24" height="24" viewBox="0 0 24 24" stroke-width="2" stroke-lep="round" stroke-lejo="round" class="luci luci-heart"><path d="M19 14c1.49-1.46 3-3.21 3-5.5A5.5 5.5 0 0 0 16.5 3c-1.76 0-3 .5-4.5 2-1.5-1.5-2.74-2-4.5-2A5.5 5.5 0 0 0 2 8.5c0 2.3 1.5 4.05 3 5.5l7 7Z"></path></svg></g></svg><div class="label">5</div></a><div ert role="dialog" class="modal typography out gone share-dialog popup"><div class="modal-table"><div class="modal-row"><div class="modal-cell modal-ntent no-fullscreen"><div class="ntaer"><button tabInx="0" type="button" data-ttid="close-modal" class="pencraft modal-btn modal-ex-btn no-marg ontend-pencraft-Button-module__inButton--xpBoH ontend-pencraft-Button-module__buttonBase--T0hXz ontend-pencraft-Button-module__size_40--RASvV ontend-pencraft-Button-module__prry_sendary--UEXV6 ontend-pencraft-Button-module__fill_empty--OPYgN ontend-pencraft-Button-module__round--D6jfD"><svg xmlns=" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="sendary" stroke-width="2" stroke-lep="round" stroke-lejo="round" class="luci luci-x"><le x1="18" x2="6" y1="6" y2="18"></le><le x1="6" x2="18" y1="6" y2="18"></le></svg></button><div class="share-dialog-tle">Share this post</div><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__display-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-directn-lumn--Rq7pk ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-gap-32--uRr14 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__paddg-x-24--ViY5j ontend-pencraft-Box-module__paddg-top-32--hE9Ly ontend-pencraft-Box-module__paddg-bottom-48--OND"><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__display-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-module__paddg-8--wF5Sz ontend-pencraft-Box-module__borr-tail--MiH57 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__borr-radi-12--AmQy9 social-preview-box post"><div class="social-image-box"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset=" /><img src=" siz="100vw" alt loadg="lazy" width="120" class="ontend-ponents-rponsive_img-module__img--Pgjj2 social-image" /></picture></div><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__display-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-directn-lumn--Rq7pk ontend-pencraft-Box-module__paddg-y-8--exiCC ontend-pencraft-Box-module__paddg-left-12--eE6bp"><h4 class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__size-16--fFowu ontend-pencraft-Text-module__le-height-20--p0dP8 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__weight-bold--Ps9DB ontend-pencraft-Text-module__font-text--QmNJR ontend-pencraft-Text-module__lor-primary--ud4Z0 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__ret--dW0zZ">Help! I have a csh on my iend, who is gay.</h4><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__size-14--Ume6q ontend-pencraft-Text-module__le-height-20--p0dP8 ontend-pencraft-Text-module__weight-normal--s54Wf ontend-pencraft-Text-module__font-text--QmNJR ontend-pencraft-Text-module__lor-sendary--WRADg ontend-pencraft-Text-module__ret--dW0zZ ontend-pencraft-Text-module__body4--Pl3xY"></div></div></div><div class="pencraft ontend-pencraft-Box-module__ret--VfQY8 ontend-pencraft-Box-module__display-flex--ZqeZt ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-jtify-space-between--NvIcg ontend-pencraft-Box-module__flex-gap-8--HFpIK share-dialog-buttons-wrapper"><button tabInx="0" type="button" class="button share-actn"><div class="actn-in"><svg role="img" width="20" height="16" viewBox="0 0 20 16" fill="none" stroke-width="1.8" stroke="#000" xmlns="><g><tle> .

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