What Do It Mean to Be a Gay Man? | Psychology Today

Contents:

• KEV SPACEY APOLOGIZ, OUT AS GAY AFTER ALLEGATN OF SEXUAL ADVANCE ON 14-YEAR-OLD
• WHAT DO IT MEAN TO BE A GAY MAN?
• THE GAY-FRIENDLY CI HAVE LOTS TO OFFER LGBTQ BUYERS—INCLUDG AFFORDABLE HOM
• GAY MEN AND AGG
• SOME GAYS CAN GO STRAIGHT, STUDY SAYS

KEV SPACEY APOLOGIZ, OUT AS GAY AFTER ALLEGATN OF SEXUAL ADVANCE ON 14-YEAR-OLD

— -- Actor Kev Spacey said that he has "loved and had romantic enunters wh men" and that he choos "now to live as a gay man, " after beg acced of a sexual advance on a 's remarks me a tweet posted on Sunday night after "Star Trek: Disvery” star Anthony Rapp alleged that Spacey climbed on top of him bed when he was jt 14 years old. It prumably means the advertiser nsirs himself a “real” man—real, that is, acrdg to a standard of masculy he don’t attribute to other gay men.

WHAT DO IT MEAN TO BE A GAY MAN?

So many gay men learn we are different om other boys by havg the fact poted out and ridiculed by bulli durg our young, most imprsnable, years. As every gay man knows who has been sulted or asslted for his actual or perceived sexual orientatn, there are steep penalti for vlatg the Boy Co as there are for anyone who is “different” om the prumed (typilly whe, heterosexual, middle-class) standard.

How do a gay kid survive the trma he suffers for beg different a culture that still nmns his difference as somethg bad or “ls-than” and wants to mold him to the same shape tri to mold every boy?

THE GAY-FRIENDLY CI HAVE LOTS TO OFFER LGBTQ BUYERS—INCLUDG AFFORDABLE HOM

Robert Pollack says the most important thg a fay n do to support their gay son is to keep lovg him, “to nvey to him, as soon as he shar his feelgs, that he is still loved through and through, that his sexual orientatn will not any way dimish how much he is admired and rpected. Fortunately there is a long history of gay men who bucked the accepted fns of masculy and created liv that exprsed their unrstandg of themselv and how they choose to exprs their inty as men who don’t necsarily f tradnal molds.

GAY MEN AND AGG

The late Harry Hay often lled "the father of the morn gay movement, " found the Mattache Society Los Angel the fall of 1950 for gay men to gather and ponr the qutns Hay had long been askg: Who are gay people? Hay didn’t tend the Mattach to be a polil anizatn per se, but a group that would e together to enhance their self-unrstandg and explore the ntributns gay people had ma to the human race through the ag. In a 1987 say tled “A Separate People Whose Time Has Come, ” Hay scribed homosexuals as “spir people, ” who, throughout the ag, had served society their rol as “msengers and tercers, shamans of both genrs, prits and prits, imagemakers and prophets, mim and rhapsos, poets and playwrights, healers and nurturers, teachers and preachers, tkers and tkerers, searchers and rearchers.

Hay believed that gay people had somethg special to teach nongay people about human life, and for that reason should be nurtured, rather than reviled, by society. Hay believed that gay men are different om heterosexuals and that those differenc go much eper than mere sexual attractn to other men. He said gay men look at the world differently, are uniquely nonaggrsive, nonpetive, oriented toward sharg and cled to velop what Hay lled “subject-subject” love relatnships of equals.

SOME GAYS CAN GO STRAIGHT, STUDY SAYS

In a 1990 terview for the Washgton Bla, Harry Hay told me our llg as gay men “is not only to accept our uniquens, but to affirm , make joyo. While big ci like San Francis and New York have been long-renowned for their thrivg gay scen, they’re also notorly expensive plac to buy a home. And wh home pric risg jt about everywhere, ’s more important than ever to fd plac that are not only gay-iendly but also budget-iendly.