'Did I ever really know him?': the women who married gay men | LGBTQ+ rights | The Guardian

Contents:

• STRAIGHT WOMEN AND THEIR GAY HBANDS
• WHY ARE THERE GAY MEN?
• BISEXUAL PHENOMENA AMONG GAY-INTIFIED MEN
• WHY STRAIGHT WOMEN ARE ATTRACTED TO GAY MEN
• KEV MAXEN BE FIRST MALE ACH A US MEN’S PROFSNAL SPORTS LEAGUE TO PUBLICLY E OUT AS GAY
• WHAT'S THE SCIENCE BEHD STRAIGHT WOMEN LIKG GAY MEN?
• WHEN GAY MEN (MIS)MARRY STRAIGHT WOMEN: BONNIE KAYE'S STORY
• "WE DO HAVE A VERY GOOD SEX LIFE": GAY MEN WH STRAIGHT WIV ARE G OUT -- AS HAPPILY MARRIED
• MY HBAND IS GAY BUT WE’RE MARRIED WH TWO KIDS AND HAVE GREAT SEX
• WHY STRAIGHT WOMEN AND GAY MEN ARE OFTEN SO CLOSE
• 'DID I EVER REALLY KNOW HIM?': THE WOMEN WHO MARRIED GAY MEN

STRAIGHT WOMEN AND THEIR GAY HBANDS

Fally, the relatnships suggt to some people “reparative therapy, ” the uhil and impossible claim that a person n be changed om gay to straight. The men this televisn program aren’t claimg to be ex-gay nor that they n change their sexual orientatn (at least not on the show).

There are plenty of wiv who choose to stay married even after fdg out later the marriage that their hband is gay and attracted to men. You might be able to claim your inty by meetg ocsnally wh gay men, stayg touch on Facebook, and lettg your gay iends know that you want to rema sexually fahful to your wife. I warn mixed-orientatn upl that he may feel differently later life and his gayns may surface more strongly and bee more of an inty for him and th bee an issue their marriage.

Both straight and gay muni put enormo prsure on the man and woman a mixed-orientatn marriage, and few marriag n stand up unr this social, fay, and relig prsure. A gay man n tly love a woman, have satisfyg and regular sex wh her, and want to stay married to her while beg unterted other women sexually.

WHY ARE THERE GAY MEN?

Matag a mixed-orientatn marriage requir endurg the strs of keepg the secrets that one of them is gay and beg discreet how they live their liv.

A Gui for Women Concerned About Their Men, but simply put, some men have no sire to be nnected wh gay culture, and scerely nsir themselv to not be gay or bisexual. It is te that some gay men thk at first that they are bisexual, but this is largely due to the cultural taboo agast beg gay. This would be like sayg that gay men who don’t like anal sex are really straight but don’t know yet, and their butt will have to tell them at some pot.

For example, when a “closeted” gay or bisexual man has sex wh another man, he views that sex as reflectg his secret gay/bisexual inty. A mory of the men I terviewed were homophobic and held prejudice agast LGBTQ2+ people and this prejudice mak the thought of an LGBTQ2+ inty unappealg to them.

BISEXUAL PHENOMENA AMONG GAY-INTIFIED MEN

While female sexualy appears to be more fluid, rearch suggts that male gayns is an born, unalterable, strongly geilly fluenced tra.

But nsirg that the tra disurag the type of sex that leads to procreatn — that is, sex wh women — and would therefore seem to thwart s own chanc of beg geilly passed on to the next generatn, why are there gay men at all?

For several years, studi led by Andrea Camper Ciani at the Universy of Padova Italy and others have found that mothers and maternal nts of gay men tend to have signifintly more offsprg than the maternal relativ of straight men. The rults show strong support for the "balancg selectn hypothis, " which is fast beg the accepted theory of the geic basis of male theory holds that the same geic factors that duce gayns mal also promote fecundy (high reproductive succs) those mal' female maternal relativ. Through this tra-off, the maternal relativ' "gay man gen, " though they aren't exprsed as such, tend to get passed to future generatns spe of their tenncy to make their male herors no one knows which gen, exactly, the might be, at least one of them appears to be loted on the X chromosome, acrdg to geic molg by Camper Ciani and his lleagu.

WHY STRAIGHT WOMEN ARE ATTRACTED TO GAY MEN

Mal her only one X chromosome — the one om their mother — and if clus the gene that promot gayns mal and fecundy femal, he is likely to be gay while his mom and her female relativ are likely to have lots of kids. Prevly, the Italian rearchers suggted that the "gay man gene" might simply crease androphilia, or attractn to men, thereby makg the mal who posss the gene homosexual and the femal who posss more promiscuo. But after vtigatg the characteristics of 161 female maternal relativ of homosexual and heterosexual men, the rearchers have adjted their hypothis.

The androphilic pattern that we found is about femal who crease their reproductive value to attract the bt mal, " Camper Ciani told Life's Ltle out, the moms and nts of gay men have an advantage over the moms and nts of straight men for several reasons: They are more fertile, displayg fewer gynelogil disorrs or plitns durg pregnancy; they are more extroverted, as well as funnier, happier and more relaxed; and they have fewer fay problems and social anxieti.

"It is que possible that there are several fluenc on formg a homosexual orientatn, " said Gelf Rieger, a sexual orientatn rearcher at Cornell Universy. But as for why geic factors would exist that make men gay, appears that the gen make women, as well as gay men, allurg to other men.

KEV MAXEN BE FIRST MALE ACH A US MEN’S PROFSNAL SPORTS LEAGUE TO PUBLICLY E OUT AS GAY

Although many gay men report no attractn to women-or even sexual disgt toward them-others report some slight attractn to women.

WHAT'S THE SCIENCE BEHD STRAIGHT WOMEN LIKG GAY MEN?

Gay men wh a history of transnal bisexualy generally lacked current sexual attractn and sexual aroal to women, pared wh other gay men.

In ntrast, mostly homosexual men showed statistilly signifint creas genal aroal to female stimuli, pared wh pletely homosexual men. For the most part, relatnships between gay men and straight women are healthy and posive, wh one exceptn I'll get to later.

Sure, an ocsnal teenage girl falls for a boy who's gay, but don't take most girls very long to figure out that, this se, where there's smoke, there's most fely not fire. In general, the attractn women feel for gay men tends to be emotnal nature, clearg the way for a highly satisfyg relatnship that outlasts most other relatnships gay men and straight women have.

WHEN GAY MEN (MIS)MARRY STRAIGHT WOMEN: BONNIE KAYE'S STORY

To beg, I'll addrs how and why straight women are emotnally attracted to gay men—an attractn, by the way, that is returned by gay men spas. Send, straight women love gay men bee closens wh gay men provis a wdow to how the mds of men work, somethg that women want to know as they navigate datg waters wh their straight male peers.

Though there are, of urse, differenc between straight and gay men, gay men are neverthels men who share many characteristics and motivatns wh straight men. When to the sexualy of young straight and gay men—meang, how equently they thk about sex, want , or feel impatient to get to the actual sex part—there are undoubtedly siari.

When a straight woman hangs out wh a gay man, she begs to put the puzzle together that men, general, treat sex differently than women do. In general, gay men, and gay women, too, tend to be more fearls than their straight unterparts—particularly straight men—bee they’ve ually experienced bullyg and prejudice bee of their sexual orientatn. Meanwhile, gay men have the social license to be as outrageo or emotnal as they want to be bee gay men don't have to f to such a tightly prcribed role.

"WE DO HAVE A VERY GOOD SEX LIFE": GAY MEN WH STRAIGHT WIV ARE G OUT -- AS HAPPILY MARRIED

The group of women I’m referrg to are often lled "f*g hags, " a term that manag to be rogatory toward two groups: women and gay men. Instead, they feel more fortable removg the sexual factor that exists at straight bars and prefer the harmlsns that wh socializg wh gay men gay surroundgs.

MY HBAND IS GAY BUT WE’RE MARRIED WH TWO KIDS AND HAVE GREAT SEX

This type of relatnship is often unhealthy, wh women choosg gay men as iends for superficial reasons: bee they're more fun and love to shop. Siarly, their gay male iends often treat their female iends as social accsori until the men fd a guy to hook up wh up later the night. If straight women and gay men foc on fdg iendships where there's te emotnal patibily and rpect, they n velop one of the most rewardg relatnships a person uld have.

The club tak s name om New York Cy’s 1969 Stonewall rts, which beme a historic watershed moment the gay liberatn movement the U.

At the last Women’s World Cup 2019, there were at least 41 players or ach who intified as gay or bisexual, while durg the men’s tournament 2018, there were no known gay players. There are also no Premier League male players who have publicly intified as LGBTQ+ but England’s Lns squad alone, there are at least five players who are gay or bisexual.

WHY STRAIGHT WOMEN AND GAY MEN ARE OFTEN SO CLOSE

In May 2022, Blackpool FC midfielr Jake Daniels beme Bra’s first active profsnal player to publicly e out as gay sce Jt Fashanu 1990; the former Norwich Cy and Nottgham Fort player died by suici eight years later. Per Outsports, as of September 2022, there have only ever been 16 players NFL history to publicly e out as gay or bisexual.

'DID I EVER REALLY KNOW HIM?': THE WOMEN WHO MARRIED GAY MEN

Per Outsports, Maxen is the “first publicly out male ach a major Amerin men’s pro sports league, ” wh WNBA ach Curt Miller, who publicly me out to the media as gay 2015, also a publicly out male ach an Amerin profsnal sports league. This article first appeared on The years, iendships between straight women and gay men have been a subject of pop culture fascatn. Books, televisn shows and feature-length films have all highlighted this unique relatnship, noted for s closens and wh society's attus toward gays and lbians changg, 's bee all the more important to build a holistic unrstandg of the relatnships between gay and straight a rearcher social psychology, I've often wonred: Why do straight female-gay male relatnships work so well?

Specifilly, I believe evolutnary psychology and human matg n help expla why relatnships between straight women and gay men tend to flourish.