How to Tackle Gay Relatnship Problems

Contents:

• INTIMACY AND SEXUALY GAY MALE UPL
• THE GAY MAN'S GUI TO DATG AFTER 50
• HOW TO TACKLE GAY RELATNSHIP PROBLEMS
• HOW TO HAVE A GAY OR LBIAN RELATNSHIP
• GAY RELATNSHIPS CAN BE MORE STABLE THAN STRAIGHT ON
• SHOULD GAY MARRIAGE BE LEGAL?
• MANY BRONS HAVE CHANGED THEIR MDS ON GAY MARRIAGE

INTIMACY AND SEXUALY GAY MALE UPL

Many health re and mental health anizatns foced on the lbian, gay, bisexual and transgenr muny also offer substance e treatment or may be able to provi rmatn about lol rourc.

In a study of 320 men (20 to 77 years) gay relatnships, data were gathered on verbal, physil, and emotnal timacy and on sexual aspects of relatnship functng. "Wh the gay muny, negative stereotyp rerce the belief that gay relatnships are based solely on physil attractn, and that once youth starts to fa, we are unlikely to have any real or lastg relatnships, " says Rik Isensee, thor of Are You Ready? For every 20-somethg enterg the gay datg scene full of wi-eyed wonr, there's a 50-somethg (or a 60-, 70- or olr-somethg) man back on the market after a relatnship ends.

THE GAY MAN'S GUI TO DATG AFTER 50

Sce 1975, APA has lled on psychologists to take the lead removg the stigma of mental illns that has long been associated wh lbian, gay, and bisexual orientatns. This page provis accurate rmatn for those who want to better unrstand sexual orientatn and the impact of prejudice and discrimatn on those who intify as lbian, gay, or bisexual. In the Uned Stat the most equent labels are lbians (women attracted to women), gay men (men attracted to men), and bisexual people (men or women attracted to both sex).

Prejudice and discrimatn make difficult for many people to e to terms wh their sexual orientatn inti, so claimg a lbian, gay, or bisexual inty may be a slow procs. Public opn studi over the 1970s, 1980s, and 1990s routely showed that, among large segments of the public, lbian, gay, and bisexual people were the target of strongly held negative attus. More recently, public opn has creasgly opposed sexual orientatn discrimatn, but exprsns of hostily toward lbians and gay men rema mon ntemporary Amerin society.

The associatn of HIV/AIDS wh gay and bisexual men and the accurate belief that some people held that all gay and bisexual men were fected served to further stigmatize lbian, gay, and bisexual people. On an dividual level, such prejudice and discrimatn may also have negative nsequenc, pecially if lbian, gay, and bisexual people attempt to nceal or ny their sexual orientatn.

HOW TO TACKLE GAY RELATNSHIP PROBLEMS

Although many lbians and gay men learn to pe wh the social stigma agast homosexualy, this pattern of prejudice n have ser negative effects on health and well-beg. Dpe the persistence of stereotyp that portray lbian, gay, and bisexual people as disturbed, several s of rearch and clil experience have led all mastream medil and mental health anizatns this untry to nclu that the orientatns reprent normal forms of human experience. Helpful rpons of a therapist treatg an dividual who is troubled about her or his same sex attractns clu helpg that person actively pe wh social prejudic agast homosexualy, succsfully rolve issu associated wh and rultg om ternal nflicts, and actively lead a happy and satisfyg life.

The phrase “g out” is ed to refer to several aspects of lbian, gay, and bisexual persons’ experienc: self-awarens of same-sex attractns; the tellg of one or a few people about the attractns; wispread disclosure of same-sex attractns; and intifitn wh the lbian, gay, and bisexual muny. Th, is not surprisg that lbians and gay men who feel they mt nceal their sexual orientatn report more equent mental health ncerns than do lbians and gay men who are more open; they may even have more physil health problems. Some adolcents sire and engage same-sex behavr but do not intify as lbian, gay, or bisexual, sometim bee of the stigma associated wh a nonheterosexual orientatn.

Lbian, gay, and bisexual youth who do well spe strs—like all adolcents who do well spe strs—tend to be those who are socially petent, who have good problem-solvg skills, who have a sense of tonomy and purpose, and who look forward to the future. Whether the youths intify as heterosexual or as lbian, gay, or bisexual, they enunter prejudice and discrimatn based on the prumptn that they are lbian, gay, or bisexual. If they are a heterosexual relatnship, their experienc may be que siar to those of people who intify as heterosexual unls they choose to e out as bisexual; that se, they will likely face some of the same prejudice and discrimatn that lbian and gay dividuals enunter.

HOW TO HAVE A GAY OR LBIAN RELATNSHIP

Although parable data are not available, many sgle lbians and gay men are also parents, and many same-sex upl are part-time parents to children whose primary rince is elsewhere. The majory of rearch on this topic asks whether children raised by lbian and gay parents are at a disadvantage when pared to children raised by heterosexual parents. For example, are the children of lbian or gay parents more vulnerable to mental breakdown, do they have more behavr problems, or are they ls psychologilly healthy than other children?

GAY RELATNSHIPS CAN BE MORE STABLE THAN STRAIGHT ON

The picture that emerg om this rearch shows that children of gay and lbian parents enjoy a social life that is typil of their age group terms of volvement wh peers, parents, fay members, and iends.

There is no scientific support for fears about children of lbian or gay parents beg sexually abed by their parents or their parents’ gay, lbian, or bisexual iends or acquatanc. In summary, social science has shown that the ncerns often raised about children of lbian and gay parents, ncerns that are generally ground prejudice agast and stereotyp about gay people, are unfound.

Overall, the rearch dit that the children of lbian and gay parents do not differ markedly om the children of heterosexual parents their velopment, adjtment, or overall well-beg. Lbian, gay, and bisexual people who want to help rce prejudice and discrimatn n be open about their sexual orientatn, even as they take necsary preutns to be as safe as possible.

SHOULD GAY MARRIAGE BE LEGAL?

They n make a pot of g to know lbian, gay, and bisexual people, and they n work wh lbian, gay, and bisexual dividuals and muni to bat prejudice and discrimatn. When lbians, gay men, and bisexual people feel ee to make public their sexual orientatn, heterosexuals are given an opportuny to have personal ntact wh openly gay people and to perceive them as dividuals. Studi of prejudice, cludg prejudice agast gay people, nsistently show that prejudice cl when members of the majory group teract wh members of a mory group.

In keepg wh this general pattern, one of the most powerful fluenc on heterosexuals’ acceptance of gay people is havg personal ntact wh an openly gay person. Antigay attus are far ls mon among members of the populatn who have a close iend or fay member who is lbian or gay, pecially if the gay person has directly e out to the heterosexual person.

Some mon dilemmas clu fay (particularly parental) disapproval, societal homophobia, pecially if you live a part of the untry where beg gay is perceived as abnormal, and discrimatn (overt or subtle) at the workplace. Your partner may not agree wh the way you handle your parents’ attu towards your same-sex relatnship, or get irrated when you don’t stand up for yourself agast a homophobic slur or an act of discrimatn at the office. It is important to face the issu associated wh gay relatnship problems together and e up wh some productive strategi to manage them before they snowball to relatnship-damagg fights.

MANY BRONS HAVE CHANGED THEIR MDS ON GAY MARRIAGE

Perhaps reachg out to your LGBT support groups, who have certaly been where you are now, for nstctive (and legal) advice on how to manage the and other problems wh gay marriage.

Tell them you know that g out is a hard procs, but stayg closeted is harr still, and that your relatnship nnot bloom unls both of you are livg as openly gay people. Brgg a profsnal third party to help wh the nversatn about gay or lbian marriage problems n be of aid obtag that “missg piece” that your same-sex relatnship may be lackg. It is important to put the child or children’s welfare first, and for that, you need to know that your new partner is on the same page as you early to avoid gay relatnship problems.

But wh good munitn, and a sire to fd meangful solutns, your gay relatnship problems n be utilized posively to strengthen your bond and, enhance the nnectn you have wh each other. If any such issue aris at your place of work, there may be anizatns is the area that you n ntact for advice, such as the Gay/Lbian Center or GLAAD (Gay/Lbian Alliance Agast Defamatn) the Uned Stat.