Gay marriage qutn: Are they both lled "wife" or "hband"? | AnandTech Foms: Technology, Hardware, Software, and Deals

Contents:

• IS IT GAY HBAND? LBIAN WIFE? OR WHAT?
• WHY DO GAY UPL E THE TERMS ‘HBAND’ AND ‘WIFE,’ RATHER THAN ‘PARTNER’?
• WORD TO SCRIBE GAY PEOPLE WHO ARE A RELATNSHIP WH EACH OTHER
• CALL ME BY MY PRONOUNS: WHY GAY MEN CALL EACH OTHER "GIRL"
• WHAT MARRIED GAY/LBIAN PARTNERS LL EACH OTHER
• HOW TO INTRODUCE A MARRIED GAY COUPLE
• GAY MARRIAGE QUTN: ARE THEY BOTH LLED "WIFE" OR "HBAND"?
• ABOUT THE CENTERSCE 1983 THE CENTER HAS BEEN SUPPORTG, FOSTERG AND CELEBRATG THE LGBT MUNY OF NEW YORK CY. FD MORE RMATN ON AND OUR WORK ABOUT THE CENTER. VIS ABOUT THE CENTEROUR MISSNCYBER CENTERCENTER HISTORYRACE EQUYMEDIA CENTERLEARSHIP & STAFFEMPLOYMENT OPPORTUNICORPORATE PARTNERSHIPSANNUAL REPORTS & FANCIAL INFORMATNCONTACT USHOURS & LOTNSEMAPSUPPORT THE CENTER
• THE LANGUAGE OF GAY MARRIAGE
• UNRSTANDG GAY & LBIAN INTI
• GAY COUPL CAN TEACH STRAIGHT PEOPLE A THG OR TWO ABOUT ARGUG
• AGE DIFFERENC GAY COUPL

IS IT GAY HBAND? LBIAN WIFE? OR WHAT?

Boomg|Is It Gay Hband? 27, 2012Every other Tuday, Steven Petrow, the thor of “Steven Petrow’s Complete Gay & Lbian Manners, ” (Workman, 2011), addrs qutns about gay and straight etiquette for a boomer-age dience.

" I am a straight man my 50s, and most same-sex upl of my age group e “partner” to refer to each other although younger gay male iends speak of their “hbands” wh lbian upl routely g “wife.

WHY DO GAY UPL E THE TERMS ‘HBAND’ AND ‘WIFE,’ RATHER THAN ‘PARTNER’?

Given today’s crazy-quilt mix of state marriage laws (ma even more so by the Electn Day victori for gay weddgs), ’s no wonr you are nfed about how to refer to our signifint others.

The other day I heard about a recently married gay man who mentned his “hband” passg to a woman of a certa age (meang ours! It’s tertg to me that you rrectly intify the generatnal difference among your gay, lbian and bisexual iends (two snaps for payg attentn! ) and I’ll bet you’re likely to rell when other terms were vogue — “longtime pann” was obuary for “gay” – and back the day the sexually suggtive “lover” was the mon moniker for many a practil level what I suggt dog is listeng to how a uple troduc or refers to each other.

For stance, I recently overheard a gay iend a long-term relatnship refer to his better half as his “spoe” only to hear one of the straight folks ask him mut later what kd of work his “iend” did. I’d love to see Endora st a spell on Congrs and get to overturn the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), which prohibs Feral regnn of gay and lbian weddgs (and ni more than 1, 100 benefs like Social Secury for survivg spo or hospal visatn rights).

WORD TO SCRIBE GAY PEOPLE WHO ARE A RELATNSHIP WH EACH OTHER

If you need advice about gay/straight suatns or issu (geared to a boomer-aged dience), send them to Mr.

CALL ME BY MY PRONOUNS: WHY GAY MEN CALL EACH OTHER "GIRL"

Dear Civili: My wife (female) and I are supporters of gay marriage, but we are puzzled about gay upl g the terms “wife” and “hband.

(Still, I uldn’t help but notice that the boyiend of Michael Sam, the first openly gay football player to be drafted by an NFL team, was rrectly lled out by some as Sam’s “wife” and “trophy wife” on social media, highlightg the tradnal stereotyp of “hband/wife” rol. A gay man, engaged to his fiance, spoke for many on my Facebook page when he posted this rponse to your qutn: “When we marry I will ll him my hband bee he will be, and I will be his.

” In short, once legally wed, spo — whether straight or gay — have earned the tl “hbands” and “wiv.

WHAT MARRIED GAY/LBIAN PARTNERS LL EACH OTHER

” That don’t mean that every gay or lbian uple will embrace those terms, jt as some oppose-sex upl prefer partner or spoe spe their legal stat. Take a look at this lovely vio of a young boy talkg to his newly married gay dad.

Every other week, Steven Petrow, the thor of “Steven Petrow’s Complete Gay & Lbian Manners, ” addrs qutns about LGBT and straight etiquette his new lumn, Civili.

A gay uple (not sure if uple n be ed only for married. A gay lovers (not sure if I should put s here or if lovers n be.

HOW TO INTRODUCE A MARRIED GAY COUPLE

You n say they are a gay uple or they are gay lovers to refer to two gays love wh each other and not necsarily married. Assumg they're not legally married, gay and Lbian upl ually refer to each other as "my partner" when speakg to others.

GAY MARRIAGE QUTN: ARE THEY BOTH LLED "WIFE" OR "HBAND"?

Sometim a gay relatnship will have two hbands, two wiv, or a hband and a wife. We all have iends who intify as lbian, gay, bisexual, transgenr, queer, tersex, asexual, or nonbary – wh a ton of variatns and subsets.

“Homosexual” – This is an outdated, clil term scribg someone who experienc same-sex attractn, and ’s nsired rogatory. Its abbreviated form, “homo, ” is jt as bad.

ABOUT THE CENTERSCE 1983 THE CENTER HAS BEEN SUPPORTG, FOSTERG AND CELEBRATG THE LGBT MUNY OF NEW YORK CY. FD MORE RMATN ON AND OUR WORK ABOUT THE CENTER. VIS ABOUT THE CENTEROUR MISSNCYBER CENTERCENTER HISTORYRACE EQUYMEDIA CENTERLEARSHIP & STAFFEMPLOYMENT OPPORTUNICORPORATE PARTNERSHIPSANNUAL REPORTS & FANCIAL INFORMATNCONTACT USHOURS & LOTNSEMAPSUPPORT THE CENTER

Use “gay” stead. “Gay” – Used to scribe a man attracted to men, but n also refer to a woman attracted to women.

While this is the preferred adjective, n be ed posively (“Grant, may gay iend, is an amazg fashn gu”), ntrally (“My iend Grant is gay”), or negatively (“Don’t hang out wh Grant or you might bee gay too”). Use the word rrectly: “Gay” do NOT mean bisexual or transgenr, and is not a synonym for “queer. “Fag/faggot/dyke” – The words have a history of beg ed a rogatory manner and are wily nsired sultg; however, you may see two gay men affectnately ll each other “fag” or an activist group that rporat the word “dyke.

It is not a synonym for “gay. ”Here are some Lbian, Gay, Bisexual, Pansexual, Transgenr, Genrqueer, Queer, Intersexed, Agenr, Asexual, and Ally muny nicknam:NicknamMeangAcidAn energetic iend who never stops movgArnAn experienced iend who has recently e out as queerAlmond JoyA sweet, good-natured gay iendAmazonA tall iend wh strong, feme featurAngelA feme-featured manATMA rich iendBabyAn affectnate name for someone you feel tenrly towardBaby-faceA young male wh feme featurBachelorSomeone livg on their own, whout a partnerBarbie boyA man who lov fashnBeanstalkA very tall iendBearA big, hairy, iendly gay manBearetteA woman wh a mascule meanorBlue SteelA iend wh blue eyBooA large iend who is cuddly and iendlyBoxerA stocky iendBright EyA young gay man recently outBubblyAn animated personalyBurlyA large, mcular iendButchA woman wh a mascule meanorCabbage PatchA iend wh a round figureCactSomeone wh an abrasive characterCakeA person who is sexually attractiveCaptaSomeone who tends to take the leadCare BearA large gay man who is affectnateCarrotsA iend wh red hairCatA ol iendCheekyA wty and clever iendCheerful CharlieA synonym for the old e of “gay, ” which meant “happy”CheekeA iend who mak a lot of jokChefA iend who lik to okClassy CatA gay man who drs impecblyCobraA shrewd iendComplete PackageA iend wh all of the elements one sir a partnerCookA iend who lik to okCool RabowA well-liked queer iendCornflakA iend who is always clowng aroundCowboyA mascule person who is old-fashnedCoy BoyA shy iendCubA young, gay manCucumberA lm iendCuddly BearA large iend who is affectnateCupkeA small, attractive iendDaddy BearAn olr gay manDaffy DuckA silly iendDaggerA vilishly handsome manDatyA small iend wh lite featur or tastDaisyA feme iendDapper LadA well-drsed gay iendDashgA handsome iendDosrA very old personDisA hippieDiva DaddyA man wh a dramatic airDocA rpected iendDollyA sweet-faced iend wh small, feme featurDrag RaceA iend who enjoys cross-drsgDragonA iend who lik to drs dragDragonflyA iend who lik to drs dragDreamyA good-lookg iendEagle-EyeSomeone wh exceptnally good visn, or someone who wears glassElfA cute iendEye CandySomeone wh attractive featur, regardls of their personalyFabulosoA gay man wh a feme meanorFancy PantsA iend who puts on airsFemmeA man wh a feme meanorFierce BabeA woman wh tough qualiFe WeA partner (or potential partner)FluffyA large, iendly iendFoxyA vilishly hot iendFrecklA iend wh ecklF LoopA iend who acts jt a ltle crazyFurryA hairy iendGay BurroA gay iend who is a good huggerGentlemanA pole iendGgerbreadA iend wh red hairGogglA iend who wears glassGoln BoyA tall, mcular, blon man who is attractive to gay menGranolaA iend who is very healthyGrapeuA iend who acts silly all the timeHamsterA iend who is like a petHandsomeA good-lookg iendHappy CatA synonym for the old e of “gay, ” which meant “happy”Hard MetalA iend wh many piercgsHeartbreakerA good-lookg iend who is not attracted to the people attracted to themHelltA iend who is always gettg to troubleHont AbeA iend who is very ncerned wh the tthHot DogA man known for his sexual explosHot StuffA physilly attractive iendHulkA very mcular mascule iendHky DkA iend wh a rough, sexy voiceHyenaA iend wh an exceptnal lghIcy HotA iend wh blue eyJolly RogerA gay man wh good spirKikiA gay iend. The e of she/her pronouns by cisgenr gay men, along wh words such as "girl" or "honey, " is a long-standg and creasgly visible practice.

THE LANGUAGE OF GAY MARRIAGE

For many gay men, g the words wh their iends is a way of embracg femy and showg vulnerabily or affectn to others who share their inti. Creatg a shared culture — cludg language — around femy n be a way of reclaimg the bas for opprsn many gay men have experienced, as well as disptg the harmful genr few if any lguistic practic are all one thg, all the time. It may be time to reevaluate cis gay men’s e of words like "she" and "girl" to make sure they align wh ongog efforts to rpect nonbary genr inti, and avoid makg assumptns about people’s pronouns.

Lguists, social scientists, and crics have observed and studied cis gay men’s e of “she, ” and their asssments pot to the multiple and often nflictg dimensns of the practice. So for even to make sense for gay men to e ‘she, ’ we have to have some kd of associatn wh ‘she, ’ and ually that associatn is femy, whatever that might mean to or our culture. “Men g women’s pronouns, and women g men’s pronouns, has got an enormo time pth Amerin lbian-gay English.

It’s not a recent formatn at all, ” explas William Leap, an emer profsor of anthropology at Amerin Universy and pneerg expert on queer men llg each other "she" or "girl" was historilly a way of protectg themselv as well as buildg muny the ntext of homophobic and vlent mastream culture.

UNRSTANDG GAY & LBIAN INTI

In the 1940s, ary censors were on the lookout for evince of homosexualy, which uld provoke a ary vtigatn. ”Usg words like "she" and "girl" n be a way for cis gay men to bond and embrace femy. ”Yet some women have experienced gay men g words like “girl” toward them ways that don’t feel all that different om the misogyny they have experienced om straight men.

“I also saw beg negatively ed when whe gay men would say, like, ‘Oh girl, what are you talkg about, ’ and they would be talkg to a woman of lor, pecially a Black woman. ”Consirg misogyny wh gay men’s language practic rais the qutn of how g words like “girl” or “honey” is nnected to their e of other, more ntroversial words that have historilly been ed to mean women, such as “bch” and “cunt.

” Multiple terviewe referenced RuPl’s Drag Race as a show that has popularized the e of words associated wh femy among cis gay men.

GAY COUPL CAN TEACH STRAIGHT PEOPLE A THG OR TWO ABOUT ARGUG

”“Gay men are a large group of people wh a lot of different kds of relatnships to genr, and I thk there are absolutely gay men who operate relatn to feme language that really is a reflectn of their male privilege, whether ’s through g ways that nigrate or stereotype women, or whether ’s jt feelg license to e the language how they see f, ” says Zimman, the lguist om UC Santa Barbara. “Of urse, gay men are men.

AGE DIFFERENC GAY COUPL

Paris Is Burng, the 1990 documentary on Harlem’s drag ball scene, as well as Drag Race, have brought the e of words like "she" and "girl" between Black and Latx drag queens to a wir gay (and straight) dience; today this is somethg employed by gay men of all rac. Wealthy whe gay cis men llg each other "girl" may be drastilly different om Black or Latx gay cis men who ntue to be margalized very different is visible a film like Paris Is Burng, a few s ago there were more shared spac, language, and culture between cis gay men, trans women, and genr-nonnformg dividuals. “This is the mastream gay ia of beg jt like straight people, except for whom one is attracted to.

That kd of rejectn of genr nonnormativy also giv the suatn we fd today, where we have more of a spl between gay men and trans women, for stance, than we might have seen prev s. “Wh ‘girl/she/her, ’” they say, “if I’m socializg wh cis gay men and that’s what they’re g to scribe each other and to scribe me, there is a ltle b of dissonance there, bee I’m not really sure if they’re g that to validate my genr, or if ’s beg ed as ’s ed wh other cis gay men.