I like guys but I don’t want to be gay. How do I stop beg gay? – The Answer Wall

Contents:

• FEELG GUILTY ABOUT "GAY THOUGHTS"
• AM I GAY IF I HAVE SAME SEX FANTASI?
• HOW DO I KNOW I’M NOT REALLY GAY/STRAIGHT?
• ‘I AM GAY – BUT I WASN’T BORN THIS WAY’
• 'HOMOSEXUAL OCD': STRAIGHT MEN WHO SPECT THEY ARE GAY
• I LIKE GUYS BUT I DON’T WANT TO BE GAY. HOW DO I STOP BEG GAY?
• MEET THE STRAIGHT MEN WHO ARE TERRIFIED THEY ARE GAY

FEELG GUILTY ABOUT "GAY THOUGHTS"

In my practice, I sometim enunter men who are so obssively worried they may be gay or bisexual that tak up such a signifint amount of their daily life and thoughts and them nearly cripplg anxiety.

This may sound like ’s a set-up for a joke, or an ongog lgh le a s, but is a real disorr that some have labeled as Homosexual Obssive-Compulsive Disorr (HOCD), though the Diagnostic and Statistil Manual of Mental Disorrs, the “bible” of psychiatry, has yet to regnize . HOCD n sudnly occur for some men who, for example, fd themselv beg h on by other gay or bisexual men, mistaken for beg a gay or bisexual man, fd themselv attracted to another man or stumble onto gay porn that exc them.

Even though they have not been able to nfirm by their pulsive experimentatn that they are, ed, gay, they may even ask me to help them e out as gay or bisexual jt to end the sufferg. I am a specialist sexual orientatn and relatnships and not traed to al wh OCD, so I first mt set out to terme if they are simply closeted gay or bisexual men, or if there is somethg else gog on.

AM I GAY IF I HAVE SAME SEX FANTASI?

Influenced by the heated atmosphere around sexual polics nowadays, and even the amount of media verage around LGBTQ issu, some gays argue that the g-out procs they went through much of the same nfn, and therefore believe that the HOCD person is simply experiencg the same thg. There are some clil therapists, such as Monni Williams, thor of Homosexual Anxiety: A Misunrstood Form of OCD Leadg Health Edutn Issu, who may help brg more a ser nversatn of this disorr to the theraptic world. Scientists are not yet sure exactly what someone to be lbian, gay, bisexual, or straight, but recent rearch shows that there are blogil factors place before birth that fluence people’s sexual orientatn.

” Some people’s doubts are further plited by havg such experienc as hearg other people talkg or lookg their directn and thkg that the people mt be analyzg their behavr or appearance and talkg about them – discsg how they mt be gay (or straight). I have sometim wonred if those who experience the most distrs om such thoughts as the do so bee they were raised wh more strongly homophobic or anti-gay attus to beg wh, or if is simply bee one’s sexualy n be such a basic doubt. The flip si of this is when they look at thgs havg to do wh sex of an oppose orientatn and then feel aroed some way, which they then nclu to mean that they liked , which means that they are gay (or straight).

Makg a seri of three-mute tap that based on the wrgs gradually suggt more and more that you are gay, and listeng to them several tim a day changg them when they no longer bother you). A 2017 review of 52 studi, for stance, found that when pared wh heterosexual people, bisexual people had higher rat of prsn and anxiety, and higher or equivalent rat of those ndns when pared wh those who intified as gay.

HOW DO I KNOW I’M NOT REALLY GAY/STRAIGHT?

People unr 25, nclud somethg siar among Ameri’s youth: Bisexual high school stunts reported more feelgs of sadns and hopelsns and more thoughts of suici than those who intified as heterosexual or ’s also some evince that bisexual people fared worse than their heterosexual and gay unterparts durg the panmic, cludg greater strs, lonels, psychologil distrs and fatigue; and poorer mental and physil health than those intifyg as straight or dispary is often a rult of the prejudic bisexual people face, Dr. The study found that much of this discrimatn often om gay and lbian people, followed by fay members and straight people; and n directly impact bisexual people’s mental health, cludg ntributg to prsn, strs and exacerbated or triggered anxiety (cludg panic attacks and post-trmatic strs disorr). She said she was never ashamed of her sexualy until her 20s, when both gay and straight iends and fay started tellg her they didn’t believe she was really attracted to women, and that she was gog through a phase.

You so obvly nnot be gay, was her implitn, bee this is good was 2006, a full five years before Lady Gaga would set the Born This Way argument atop s unassailable cultural perch, but even then the popular unrstandg of orientatn was that was somethg you were born wh, somethg you uldn’t change.

But what feels most accurate to say is that I’m gay – but I wasn’t born this people may fd their sir changg directn - and n't jt be explaed as experimentatn (Cred: Ignac Lehmann)In 1977, jt over 10% of Amerins thought gayns was somethg you were born wh, acrdg to Gallup. Throughout the same perd, the number of Amerins who believe homosexualy is “due to someone’s upbrgg/environment” fell om jt unr 60% to ias reached cril mass pop culture, first wh Lady Gaga’s 2011 Born This Way and one year later wh Macklemore’s Same Love, the chos of which has a gay person sgg “I n’t change even if I tried, even if I wanted to. ” Around the same time, the Human Rights Campaign clared unequivolly that “Beg gay is not a choice, ” and to claim that is “giv unwarranted crence to roundly disproven practic such as nversn or reparative therapy.

‘I AM GAY – BUT I WASN’T BORN THIS WAY’

”People who challenge the Born This Way narrative are often st as homophobic, and their thkg is nsired backwardAs Jane Ward not Not Gay: Sex Between Straight Whe Men, what’s tertg about many of the claims is how transparent their speakers are wh their polil motivatns. “Such statements, ” she wr, “fe blogil acunts wh an obligatory and nearly ercive force, suggtg that anyone who scrib homosexual sire as a choice or social nstctn is playg to the hands of the enemy. ” People who challenge the Born This Way narrative are often st as homophobic, and their thkg is nsired backward – even if they are themselv, for example, Cynthia Nixon of Sex and The Cy fame.

”Gay rights do not have to hge on a geic explanatn for sexualy (Cred: Ignac Lehmann)For Aravosis, and many gay activists like him, the public will only accept and affirm gay people if they thk they were born gay. Patrick Grzanka, Assistant Profsor of Psychology at Universy of Tennsee, for stance, has shown that some people who believe that homosexualy is nate still hold negative views of gays. In fact, the homophobic and non-homophobic rponnts he studied shared siar levels of belief a Born This Way Samantha Allen not at The Daily Beast, the growg public support for gays and lbians has grown out of proportn wh the rise the number of people who believe homosexualy is fixed at birth; would be unlikely that this small change opn uld expla the spike support for gay marriage, for stance.

'HOMOSEXUAL OCD': STRAIGHT MEN WHO SPECT THEY ARE GAY

“It don’t seem to matter as much whether or not people believe that gay people are born that way as do that they simply know someone who is currently gay, ” Allen spe of the studi, those who ph agast Born This Way narrativ have been heavily cricised by gay activists. Siarly, Ward has received her own hatemail for phg agast the lg LGB narrativ, wh some gays tellg her she’s “worse than Ann Coulter, ” the ntroversial US thor of books like If Democrats Had Any Bras, They’d Be Republins. And when I published my say on choosg to be gay, an irate Amerin lbian activist wrote me that had “jt been nfirmed” to her that my wrg was “directly rponsible for four gay aths Rsia.

There is a unanimo opn that gay “nversn therapy” should be rejectedLet’s first be clear that whatever the origs of our sexual orientatn, there is a unanimo opn that gay “nversn therapy” should be rejected. The efforts are potentially harmful, acrdg to the APA, “bee they prent the view that the sexual orientatn of lbian, gay and bisexual youth is a mental illns of disorr, and they often ame the abily to change one’s sexual orientatn as a personal and moral failure. The APA, for example, while notg that most people experience ltle to no choice over their orientatns, says this of homosexualy’s origs:“Although much rearch has examed the possible geic, hormonal, velopmental, social and cultural fluenc on sexual orientatn, no fdgs have emerged that perm scientists to nclu that sexual orientatn is termed by any particular factor or factors.

I LIKE GUYS BUT I DON’T WANT TO BE GAY. HOW DO I STOP BEG GAY?

”Siarly, the Amerin Psychiatric Associatn wr a 2013 statement that while the of heterosexualy and homosexualy are currently unknown, they are likely “multifactorial cludg blogil and behavral roots which may vary between different dividuals and may even vary over time.

MEET THE STRAIGHT MEN WHO ARE TERRIFIED THEY ARE GAY

” Acrdg to LeVay’s rearch, a specific part of the bra, the third terstial nucls of the anterr hypothalam (INAH-3), is smaller homosexual men than is heterosexual as they might, scientists have stggled to inty any particular gen that nsistently predict the directns of our love and sire (Cred: Ignac Lehmann)Read moreYou n spot the problem wh this study a e away: were the gay bras LeVay studied born that way, or did they bee that way? Bis the dividual criqu leveled agast each new study announcg some gay gene disvery, there are major methodologil cricisms to make about the entire enterprise general, as Grzanka pots out: “If we look at the raveno pursu, particularly among Amerin scientists, to fd a gay gene, what we see is that the ncln has already been arrived at.