Ask Adam: Makg Friends as a Gay Guy

Contents:

• HOW TO MAKE GAY FRIENDS
• HOW TO MAKE IENDS AS A GAY MAN
• HOW TO HAVE A GAY FRIEND
• BUILDG GAY FRIENDSHIPS: TIPS ON HOW TO MEET AND MAKE GAY FRIENDS
• HOW TO GET A GAY MALE FRIEND (FOR GIRLS)
• HOW TO DEAL WHEN YOUR BT FRIEND IS GAY
• ASK ADAM: MAKG FRIENDS AS A GAY GUY
• GAY MEN AND STRAIGHT MEN AS FRIENDS
• I THOUGHT I DIDN'T NEED GAY FRIENDS; I WAS WRONG
• CAN GAY AND STRAIGHT MEN REALLY BE FRIENDS?
• HOW TO TELL IF YOUR GUY FRIEND IS GAY
• STEP-BY-STEP INSTCTNS FOR SHOOTG YOUR SHOT WH GAY GUYS
• HOW TO FD YOUR GAY BT FRIEND
• MEETG YOUR FIRST GAY FRIEND

HOW TO MAKE GAY FRIENDS

I’ll never fet beg 15 years old and walkg to my first ever meetg for lbian, gay, bi, queer, and trans youth at BAGLY Boston.

”) The close queer iends we make bee a chosen fay, wh a shared culture and inty, formg the bonds that are sential to our wellns and as gay bars and bookstor are closg left and right, many of have turned to apps to fill that gap, meang we spend more time than ever alone our rooms. LGBT2Q people exist all genrs, all cultur, and relyg on your gaydar is a good start, but expandg your queer and trans cultural referenc will boost your abili.

HOW TO MAKE IENDS AS A GAY MAN

Instagram and Twter make easier to fd other people wh the same terts, whether ’s hedgehogs or aerosol art, and there are so many homo-tastic hashtags. Or, add your inty to your state, school, or profsn to fd #GayMichigan or #QueerMorehoe or #TransUtah or #PansexualUK and more.

That may be surprisg news if you’ve been raised a homophobic branch of your relig tradn, but I promise you—they’re out there, and they n’t wa to wele you (and you may fd really healg to brg your whole self to your fah tradn). Check out Unlikely Hikers, which specifilly wel and celebrat people who don’t f the classic Patagonia profile cludg fat folks and hikers of lour; Venture Out Project, which is n by and explicly wel trans people; Gay SCUBA Week and Queer Paddlers; and basilly what I’m sayg is that if you want to be out and Out there are fely other ‘mos to do wh your area. If you’re newly sober or revery and tryg to avoid plac, people, or patterns that may not be healthy for you right now, a gay AA or other revery meetg might be a double-w for you: support on your path and a boost for your new social life.

” or “What a great lor story, ” ’s extremely likely they’re sayg HELLO I AM ALSO QUEER AND/OR TRANS AND I WOULD LIKE TO TALK TO don’t be fooled if someone don’t “look gay. Every time you attend a Pri March, ftival or cent Gay Club Night, you may have noticed jt how many fellow queers live your cy.

HOW TO HAVE A GAY FRIEND

There are a few webs that list specialized LGBTQ meet-ups, but hontly, simply Google your hobby, cy, and the word "gay" and see what up.

When I me out to my parents I started off by sayg "Hey one of my iends me out to me and said they were gay what should I do?

BUILDG GAY FRIENDSHIPS: TIPS ON HOW TO MEET AND MAKE GAY FRIENDS

Jo me for a ffee and a chat the upg episo of my podst for gay men ‘Connectn over Coffee wh The Lonels Guy’ om Thursday 11 November THE MAILING LISTBUY ME A COFFEE TO SAY THANKSREAD ANOTHER BLOGLISTEN TO THE PODCASTGET IN CONTACTHOMEImportant notice: All views exprsed above are my own/the thors and are tend to support, challenge and spire gay men to nsir the issue of lonels and crease awarens of the need for thentic nnectn wh themselv, wh others and their muni as an antidote to chronic lonels. If you get asked to hang out wh a gay iend, do even if you're not really exced about sce 's an opportuny to meet iends. The are great sual plac to meet other gays, pecially if you're to a quieter atmosphere or aren't old enough to go to a bar.

HOW TO GET A GAY MALE FRIEND (FOR GIRLS)

For example, you might jo an LGBT service group that plants tre, distribut food or suppli to the homels, or rais awarens for gay rights.

While n be easier to go to popular gay spots, don't overlook the fact that gay people are at the store, library, rtrant, etc. " They may ask you out, or if they get the sense that you're gay, they may be able to pot you to a well-known LGBT spot town.

For example, if you hear someone say, "That's so gay, " you uld say, "How do you thk that would make a gay person feel?

HOW TO DEAL WHEN YOUR BT FRIEND IS GAY

You might read about qutns that you shouldn't ask, the stggl a gay person go through, and what the gay muny is like your area. Sometim, fdg gay iends and formg new LGBTQ iendships n feel like tryg to fd a specific book a vast though the gay muny is known to embrace diversy, fdg people your lol area who share your terts and valu n still feel like a dntg qut. Equipped wh the right mdset and strategi, you n open the door to vibrant and fulfillg gay iendships wh the LGBTQ muny your area.

Drawg on my experience as a gay psychotherapist, I will share some valuable sights on how to meet gay men and make new gay gay men at LGBTQ+ events. Attendg LGBT+ events n help break down barriers and promote dialogue by helpg you feel a sense of gay iends by jog an LGBTQ+ sports club. Jog a gay sports league is another effective way to meet new gay addn to buildg nfince and nnectg wh like-md men, jog a gay sports club is a fun and active way to stay active.

ASK ADAM: MAKG FRIENDS AS A GAY GUY

Whether you're terted soccer, basketball, tennis, or hikg, there's likely to be a gay sports league or club your area. Dpe the butterfli you might get at the thought of steppg to a gay bar, n actually be a treasure trove of potential, gay bars and clubs host events and theme nights terg to specific terts.

S and apps like Facebook and Instagram make easier for you to nnect wh members of the gay datg apps and onle datg s n also help you meet people your area. The apps n help you fd people to engage meangful nversatns, share experienc, and build gay gay iends onle onle muni ter to LGBTQ+ people. Moreover, the onle muni n also provi emotnal and moral support when feelg lonely and a class or a a class or attendg a workshop is another great way to fd gay iends your area while learng a new skill.

The class and workshops provi a safe and fortable space to lve to topics of relevance to queer people while providg a way of fdg a gay iend who shar your you're stgglg to make gay iends, seek buildg gay relatnships feels like tryg to nstct a bridge the fog, therapy might be the lighthoe you need. The clu helpg you improve your munitn and terpersonal skills so you feel more nfint and fortable group benefs of therapy also clu helpg you al wh issu related to your sexualy, low self-teem, shame, ternalized homophobia, and prsn, which may ntribute to why you’re fdg difficult to make open and open and approachable when meetg new people is ccial.

GAY MEN AND STRAIGHT MEN AS FRIENDS

Fdg muny and solidary also lsens your likelihood of experiencg mental health challeng like prsn, substance mise, low self-teem, and siar the end, fdg gay iends, while might seem like searchg for a book an extensive library, be easier once we know which sectns (or environments) to, put yourself out there. However, this portrayal of gay men isn’t realistic, and ’s not really a good ia to seek out iends based on superficial tails like their sexual orientatn.

If you happen to nnect wh a man who is gay and form a iendship, there’s nothg wrong wh that, but make sure that you treat them as you would anyone else and be reful not to make assumptns about them. A mon reason some girls seek out gay male iends is bee they are ls likely to pete wh them the datg arena than another girl. If you’re still pursug a iendship wh someone who is gay, make sure that you treat them wh the same rpect and nsiratn that you’d treat anyone else.

Or, if you need relatnship advice, don’t assume that a gay male iend is more likely to give you good advice than a female iend or straight male iend.

I THOUGHT I DIDN'T NEED GAY FRIENDS; I WAS WRONG

I have a gay iend and everyone knows he's gay, but some people say we look like a uple and I thk I might like him, what should I do? " If you want to talk about your iend to a parent or guardian, try askg "Would you be okay wh me mentng that you're gay to my parents if me up, or would you prefer that I keep quiet?

Acceptance n make a huge different the liv of LGBTQIA (Lbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgenr, Queer, Intersex, and Asexual) people. Article SummaryXIt might e as a b of a shock to fd out your bt iend is gay, but by supportg them and givg yourself time to get ed to , your iendship n be jt like was. It probably took a lot of urage for your iend to e out as gay, so tell them that you accept them for who they are to be a good iend.

Blum, MFT, is a licensed psychotherapist and the founr of the Gay Therapy Center, which specializ relatnship and self-teem issu for LGBT people. Sex the Cy, Will and Grace), though a lot ls has been said about how gay and straight men regnize and negotiate the distct challeng, plitns, and rewards of their iendships.

CAN GAY AND STRAIGHT MEN REALLY BE FRIENDS?

S., before there was such a thg as a gay inty, some straight men would, wh ltle shame, engage sexual ntact wh other men (ually allowg themselv to be fellated) when female partners were otherwise unavailable (see Gee Chncey’s semal book, Gay New York: Genr, Urban Culture, and the Makg of the Gay Male World 1890-1940) and there is good reason to believe this still occurs other untri and cultur. As a rult of this behavr-inty lk, sexual ngrs between gay and straight men creased nsirably, or at least went unrground. Gay men have suffered physil, social, and psychologil abe at the hands of heterosexually intified mal who, thanks to homophobia and heterosexism, felt fully jtified flictg the terrors.

This legacy of vlence, both physil and psychologil, flicted by straight men toward those of who are gay naturally fuels our utn and distst at the thought of beiendg them.

For the straight guy, iendship wh a gay man offers the opportuny to learn important lsons about masculy, male inty, sexual orientatn, and diversy. As the quote go: You n never have too many iends—and iendships between gay and straight guys n be healg and uniquely satisfyg for all volved. ) To be ank, havg a gay iend group is as important to queer life as iced ffee ’s a sad but te fact that growg up gay n be an isolatg experience.

HOW TO TELL IF YOUR GUY FRIEND IS GAY

) On top of that, take to acunt the hurdl of gay culture: beg the closet, g out, homophobia, ternalized homophobia, and velopg ep, unrequed csh on straight acquatanc om high school you barely spoke to, cludg that guy who was two years olr than you wh the dirty brown hair and always wore tank tops durg the summer and uld have moled and now is probably married wh three kids and I’m pretty sure his name was Ian.

Somewhere along this super gay marathon (and I’m reag om sertg a pole metaphor here, send ngratulatns at your nvenience), you slowly accumulate some like-md iends beyond the people you’re hookg up wh or datg, and beg to realize there are ed others who have wad through the same torrent of emotns and experienc you’ve enuntered. Prevly feelg like the sole gay the universe, like Sigourney Weaver walkg the halls of Nostromo at the end of Alien soaked sweat, you’ve fally found other telligent queer life. )Wh gay iends, you sudnly have others to miserate wh about eper tails that no straight iend, while passnate, uld ever be properly equipped to unrstand.

STEP-BY-STEP INSTCTNS FOR SHOOTG YOUR SHOT WH GAY GUYS

), your gay iends are there to get dnk wh on a Saturday night, followed by group msagg each other on Sunday morng that GIF of Kim Kardashian slidg unr bedvers. A member of your gay iend group will also happily be there to take a picture of you for your Instagram, and will be jt as happy to take the same picture 30 more tim wh only slightly different angl bee turns out ’s you who’s the importance of cultivatg gay iendships went over my head durg my personal evolutn, as I ially unrstood my own sexualy as much as I unrstood 11th gra math. And like tryg to figure out the Pythagorean Theorem g a toaster oven stead of a lculator, navigatg my own queerns early on whout gay iends was a mostly futile effort.

Asi om beg patient Instagram picture-takers and knowg where the bt parti are, gay iends provid a major key to further unlockg my ner-most tth and the legacy behd .

Though me n make more than, please lift those watered-down vodka sodas wh those brown, brown, wiltg lim higher to the air and make a toast to the gay iends your life. McKellan is a gay man who me out 1988, and although 33 years have passed sce he me out, n still be shockg to the world to see such a close same-sex iendship that cross sexual inti.

HOW TO FD YOUR GAY BT FRIEND

Along wh his supervisor, Robb Travers, he lnched a study that surveyed 350 straight men and 275 gay or bisexual men om across North Ameri. Siar to qutns that loom about whether straight men and women n ever tly be platonic iends, the same qutn lgers over the iendships between gay and straight men. A bromosexual iendship is a nonsexual iendship between two men, where typilly one iend is gay (or bisexual), and the other is straight.

MEETG YOUR FIRST GAY FRIEND

In days past, this may have seemed as unlikely as a iendship between a ln and a moe, given the tradnally high levels of homophobia among straight men. McKie’s rearch reported that straight participants felt that a gay iend ma for the ultimate wgman bee the gay iend uld help to attract prospective partners for the straight iend. Other rearch has shown that women prefer iendships wh gay vers straight men, partly bee the threat or loomg qutn of sexual attractn is renred moot.

However, straight men bromosexual iendships have perhaps learned how to harns this ease of iendship between straight women and gay men for their own advantage. McKie noted that the straight men felt their gay iend was able to make succsful troductns to straight women bee the women tsted their gay male iends to troduce them to a good person. Gay men McKie’s rearch reported that their straight male iends often play the role of ‘matchmaker’ and troduce them to another of their gay iends.

The lack of petn for the same prospective partners allows the iendship to flourish a way that may be hred to some gree for gay or straight men iendships wh men who share the same sexual orientatn. For gay men, iendship qualy wh a straight male iend was particularly high when the iendship pre-dated the gay man g out. Straight men also reported havg more emotnally vulnerable nversatns wh their gay iends bee they felt safer to do so, relative to attemptg to discs siar topics wh other straight men.