Do You Wanna Funk wh Me?: A Begner’s Gui to Gay Nightclubs | PopMatters

one day at a time gay bar guy

Is a panmic a good time for one’s first gay sexual experience?

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A MEMOIR ABOUT QUEER INTY, TOLD ONE GAY BAR AT A TIME

In his new memoir, “Gay Bar,” Jeremy Atherton L documents his personal history and the history of queer inty by explorg gay bars around the world. * one day at a time gay bar guy *

AdvertisementSKIP Jeremy Atherton LWhen you purchase an penntly reviewed book through our se, we earn an affiliate 9, 2021GAY BARWhy We Went OutBy Jeremy Atherton LHistory, as is tght, is a straight le of domo fallg — the relentls clack of fact htg fact, an orrly que of aly stretchg on forever. History, as is lived, is a reelg spiral of flight and return; the erative reawakeng of new selv faiar plac; a never-endg terrogatn of our own nfed and nfg motiv; a msy slather of dots on a graph where the center n be plotted only Atherton L’s betiful, lyril memoir, “Gay Bar: Why We Went Out, ” cloaks this lived history that learned history, examg an objective subject — gay bars — to create a highly subjective object: a book about his life, flensed down to jt the bs that ma past the chapter foc on one particular gay bar (jumpg om London to Los Angel to San Francis and back), s history and s place the trajectory of Atherton L’s life. As Atherton L remds , “disassociatn is a gay rual as much as any other.

“Gay Bar” danc on the edge of that third space between fictn and nonfictn, a space often rerved for poetry. Atherton L himself is renred only relatn to the bars he walks through; you’ll fd yourself hard-prsed at the end to say where he was born or how many siblgs he has (and you won’t re) Atherton L has a five-octave, Mariah Carey-que range for discsg gay sex.

"I WENT TO A GAY BAR LAST NIGHT FOR THE FIRST TIME""IT WAS LIKE STEPPG TO A SANCTUARY."{FONT:NORMAL 800 1.2REM/1.2 "D BOLD",SANS-SERIF;TEXT-TRANSFORM:NORMAL;LOR:HER;DISPLAY:LE-BLOCK;PADDG-BOTTOM:6PX;POSN:RELATIVE;TEXT-TRANSFORM:UPPERSE;}{BACKGROUND:#89308A;BOTTOM:0;NTENT:'';DISPLAY:BLOCK;HEIGHT:2PX;LEFT:0;POSN:ABSOLUTE;RIGHT:0;-WEBK-TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;WIDTH:100%;}{LEFT:51%;RIGHT:51%;WIDTH:0;}{FONT:NORMAL 800 1.2REM/1.2 "D BOLD",SANS-SERIF;TEXT-TRANSFORM:NORMAL;LOR:HER;DISPLAY:LE-BLOCK;PADDG-BOTTOM:6PX;POSN:RELATIVE;TEXT-TRANSFORM:UPPERSE;}{BACKGROUND:#89308A;BOTTOM:0;NTENT:'';DISPLAY:BLOCK;HEIGHT:2PX;LEFT:0;POSN:ABSOLUTE;RIGHT:0;-WEBK-TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;TRANSN:ALL 0.2S EASE;WIDTH:100%;}{LEFT:51%;RIGHT:51%;WIDTH:0;}LIFEBY CHRISTOPHER RUDOLPHJANUARY 20, 2017/3:40 {HEIGHT:HER;DISPLAY:-WEBK-BOX;DISPLAY:-WEBK-FLEX;DISPLAY:-MS-FLEXBOX;DISPLAY:FLEX;POSN:RELATIVE;-WEBK-FLEX-WRAP:WRAP;-MS-FLEX-WRAP:WRAP;FLEX-WRAP:WRAP;-WEBK-ALIGN-EMS:CENTER;-WEBK-BOX-ALIGN:CENTER;-MS-FLEX-ALIGN:CENTER;ALIGN-EMS:CENTER;-WEBK-BOX-PACK:CENTER;-WEBK-JTIFY-NTENT:CENTER;-MS-FLEX-PACK:CENTER;JTIFY-NTENT:CENTER;-WEBK-TRANSFORM-ORIG:CENTER;-MS-TRANSFORM-ORIG:CENTER;TRANSFORM-ORIG:CENTER;} IMG{HEIGHT:100%;WIDTH:100%;OBJECT-F:VER;}{HEIGHT:574PX;WIDTH:1020PX;}DAVID MCNEW/GETTY IMAGWEST HOLLYWOOD, CA - OCTOBER 09: PEOPLE AT THE LGBT-IENDLY BAR 10 REACT TO MENTS MA BY DONALD TMP DURG THE SEND PRINTIAL BATE BETWEEN REPUBLIN PRINTIAL NOMEE DONALD TMP AND DEMOCRATIC PRINTIAL NOMEE HILLARY CLTON ON OCTOBER 9, 2016 WT HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA. (PHOTO BY DAVID MCNEW/GETTY IMAG)BY CHRISTOPHER RUDOLPHJANUARY 20, 2017 / 3:40 PM{"@NTEXT":","@TYPE":"NEWSARTICLE","HEADLE":"\"I WENT TO A GAY BAR LAST NIGHT FOR THE FIRST TIME\"","THUMBNAILURL":","DATEPUBLISHED":"2017-01-20T20:40:04.000+0000","DATEMODIFIED":"2017-01-20T20:40:04.000+0000","IMAGE":{"@NTEXT":","@TYPE":"IMAGEOBJECT","URL":","WIDTH":1920,"HEIGHT":1080},"URL":","THOR":{"@TYPE":"ORGANIZATN","NAME":"LOGO TV"},"MAENTYOFPAGE":{"@TYPE":"WEBPAGE","@ID":"},"PUBLISHER":{"@TYPE":"ORGANIZATN","@ID":","NAME":"LOGO TV","URL":","LOGO":{"@TYPE":"IMAGEOBJECT"}},"CREATOR":"CHRISTOPHER RUDOLPH","ARTICLESECTN":"LIFE"}{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}YOU REMEMBER YOUR FIRST GAY BAR, RIGHT? THAT FEELG OF ELATN MIXED WH FEAR SHG OVER YOU AS YOU WALKED AND FOUND OTHER MEMBERS OF YOUR {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}A MEMBER OF REDD'S LBGT SUBREDD RECENTLY SHARED THAT HE MA HIS VIRG PILGRIMAGE TO A GAY BAR THE OTHER {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}"I ME OUT TO MYSELF SHORTLY AFTER LEAVG THE MORMON CHURCH LAST YEAR," POSTED MEMAHSELFNI. "I GUS I'D BEEN GAY MY WHOLE LIFE BUT WAS HUGE NIAL OVER UNTIL I LEFT MY RELIGN AND REALIZED I FELT NOTHG FOR THE GIRL I HAD BEEN WH."SENOR FROG'{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}LEARNG THERE WERE SOME GAY CLUBS A FEW TOWNS OVER, HE CID TO TAKE THE PLUNGE ONE {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}IT WAS LIKE STEPPG TO A SANCTUARY AMONG PEOPLE WHO FALLY FELT AS I DID AND WEREN'T GOG TO SULT ME FOR FEELG HOW I {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}I END UP HAVG A NVERSATN FOR HOURS WH A UPLE, SIPPG JACK AND COKE, ABOUT HOW I ME TO KNOW I WAS GAY, THEIR G OUT STORI, AND HEARG OM THEM THAT I WAS GOG TO BE JT FE AND THAT THE SKY IS THE {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}THEY TOLD ME ABOUT ALL OF THE EVENTS AND ACTIVI THAT THE LGBT MUNY DO NEAR ME—THAT WAS ONE OF THE BT PARTS OF THE NIGHT, KNOWG THAT I'M NOT ON MY OWN AS A GAY MAN. {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}MEMAHSELFNI ADMS HE IALLY FELT UNFORTABLE, BUT SOON REALIZED "THIS WAS A PLACE WHERE I ULD BE MYSELF [AND] I OPENED UP AND EMBRACED MY SEXUAL INTY. AND I FELT EE AND HONT AGA!"{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}AFTER GETTG BEAR HUGS AND KISS OM HIS NEW IENDS, HE WENT HOME "FEELG ON TOP OF THE WORLD."{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}THE RPONS TO HIS STORY WERE EQUALLY TOUCHG, WH SOME G OM OTHER GAY {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}"SO MANY OF HAVE LIVED THAT STORY BUT 'S STILL NICE TO HEAR ONCE AGA," WROTE ONE REDDOR. "MY RELLECTNS OF MY FIRST TIME AT THE GAY BARS REMA VIVID TO THIS DAY THO WAS SO LONG AGO. THE FEELG OF LIBERATN, OF SPREADG WGS IS ALMOST PALPABLE."{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}"GAY BARS ARE LIKE AN EMBASSY FOR GAYS ANYWHERE," ADD ANOTHER. "WHEREVER YOU ARE, THE GAY BAR WILL BE YOU SAFE ZONE."GAY WOMEN HAVG DRKS A BAR BIRMGHAM. LBIAN UPL TALKG AND HAVG DRKS LEANG AGAST BAR. YOUNG, STYLISH {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}"CONGRATS TO G OUT, AND BEG YOURSELF," RPOND A FELLOW EX-MORMON. "LIKE YOU, I ULDN'T ACCEPT MY SEXUAL ORIENTATN UNTIL I LEFT THE CHURCH, AND AFTER G OUT TO MYSELF AND OTHERS, THGS STARTED TO IMPROVE {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}IT'S GOG ON FIVE YEARS NOW, AND I HAVE BEEN ABLE TO DO A LOT MY 30S THAT I NEVER ULD ALLOW MYSELF TO DO OR BE MY 20S. I REMEMBER MY FIRST PRI AND HOW EMOTNAL WAS FOR ME. IT WAS JT AFTER MARRIAGE EQUALY WAS VOTED ON WASHGTON, AND SEATTLE WAS JT SO FILLED WH {BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;PADDG:24PX 0;} A{LOR:#354A4E;-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;TEXT-RATN:UNRLE;} A:HOVER, A:FOC{-WEBK-TEXT-RATN:NONE;TEXT-RATN:NONE;} B, STRONG{FONT-WEIGHT:700;}JT AS YOU ARE FDG, IS GREAT TO FD SPAC THAT YOU N FEEL FORTABLE AND FULLY BE YOURSELF AT. NOW I'M HAPPILY MARRIED TO MY HBAND, AND AMAZED TO SEE HOW MUCH SUPPORT I HAD ALONG THE WAY OM OTHERS WHO ED TO BE STNCHLY LDS."{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;CLEAR:BOTH;}{BOX-SIZG:BORR-BOX;MARG:0 TO;WIDTH:90%;M-WIDTH:288PX;MAX-WIDTH:1440PX;M-HEIGHT:194PX;}LATT NEWS

* one day at a time gay bar guy *

Like any good gay bar, this book has a bouncer, and his name is is Atherton L’s first book, but benefs om his extensive experience as an sayist and an edor of Failed Stat, a journal about plac. “Gay Bar” is well crafted (which is pecially pleasg nsirg this is a memoir about stctur), wh a strong thorial hand that mak the rear feel refully shepherd through the text, even as Atherton L jumps s and ntents. When he discs an important 1966 prott at the historic Greenwich Village gay bar Juli’, he c a New York Tim article to talk about the “tr of activists” volved — not realizg that the article left out a fourth man, Randy Wicker (the only one still alive, cintally enough) a half page later, though, Atherton L warns that spe the activist claim that gay bars “should be kept open to facilate knowledge passg between generatns, ” he himself had never really received gay wisdom “on a barstool.

” This book is not about history, the subject you study, but history, that thg you have wh that guy by the jebox whose name you n’t the fal chapter of “Gay Bar, ” Atherton L grappl wh gog to a new generatn of bars, created by very different forc, meetg very different needs. So ’s certaly worthwhile that One Day at a Time put effort to dissectg how Elena’s parents rpond to the news that she’s gay.

IN ‘GAY BAR,’ TIME-HOPPG SNAPSHOTS OF QUEER NIGHTLIFE

Learn how to approach and flirt wh gay guys at clubs, bars, or other venuMeetg gay guys is hard. First you have to terme if the guy you're terted is gay or straight. Then you have to approach him and strike up a... * one day at a time gay bar guy *

Vulture provid some great mentary on why this g-out narrative is better than many others on TV, which foc on eher extreme homophobia or unflchg acceptance as standard parental rpons.

The next morng, Penelope tells Elena that she did some rearch on lbianism, and Elena tells her that she gets that Penelope's okay wh her beg gay.

They hang out at a gay bar and she asks Ramona qutns about beg a lbian.

STEP-BY-STEP INSTCTNS FOR SHOOTG YOUR SHOT WH GAY GUYS

She has a nversatn wh another man, about how she feels weird wh Elena beg gay. She hugs the guy mentg on how he smells, and how he's super hot for beg gay. He says that he isn't gay, but that he's here wh his gay brother.

He tells her that took him some time to adjt to his brother beg gay too. I was never the gay teenager who experimented wh cur "straight" boys. Believe me, as a closeted horny gay kid Texas, I fantasized about nstantly but the opportuny passed me by--until now.

Was the middle of a panmic the right time to break someone's gay cherry? A member of Redd's LBGT subredd recently shared that he ma his virg pilgrimage to a gay bar the other day.

THE 42 BT GAY BARS AMERI

"I gus I'd been gay my whole life but was huge nial over until I left my relign and realized I felt nothg for the girl I had been wh. "Learng there were some gay clubs a few towns over, he cid to take the plunge one was like steppg to a sanctuary among people who fally felt as I did and weren't gog to sult me for feelg how I do.

I end up havg a nversatn for hours wh a uple, sippg jack and Coke, about how I me to know I was gay, their g out stori, and hearg om them that I was gog to be jt fe and that the sky is the told me about all of the events and activi that the LGBT muny do near me—that was one of the bt parts of the night, knowg that I'm not on my own as a gay man. "The rpons to his story were equally touchg, wh some g om other gay ex-Mormons. "My rellectns of my first time at the gay bars rema vivid to this day tho was so long ago.

""Gay bars are like an embassy for gays anywhere, " add another.

DO YOU WANNA FUNK WH ME?: A BEGNER’S GUI TO GAY NIGHTCLUBS

"Wherever you are, the gay bar will be you safe zone. If you felt a twge of boredom (bon if you thrill to disheveled, elive, gamy), then I have a book for Atherton L’s “Gay Bar” is a rtls and telligent cultural history of queer nightlife.

Atherton L began wrg 2017; more than half of London’s gay bars had shuttered the prev 10 years. ” There was an “upsurge stay-at-home gays” and rovg is beg lost? If you’re expectg an elegy, thk aga; “Gay Bar” has somethg knottier, more troubled, to offer.

“The gay bars of my life have nsistently disappoted. In the openg scene, Atherton L and his partner (rather regrettably referred to as the Famo Blue Raat, after the Leonard Cohen song) go out to a London gay bar, lookg for a ltle adventure, and enter a crowd: “Wh a kd of btal elegance, the group spread apart like the blas of a pocketknife. Atherton L is a skilled rear of the signifiers of cloth and archecture, the fetishizatn of workg-class fashn, for example, and how the rise of AIDS fluenced sign cisns: “A new type of gay bar began to appear London’s Soho the ’90s — airy, glossy, ntental.

THE 10 BEST NEW YORK CY GAY CLUBS & BARSSEE ALL THGS TO DOGAY CLUBS & BARS NEW YORK CY

Sometim that history is his Atherton“Gay Bar” offers a twist on the nventnal memoir; ’s a life seen snapshots, the bars as the backdrop. Amaretto sours Wt Hollywood, Atherton L llege, still strenuoly datg women and meetg his first groups of gay men. “Everythg about beg gay was so crowd: the ads for bars and rts and waxg servic rammed together, shallow and histrnic and imper, ” he wr.

”“Gay Bar” has s share of first-book blu.

*BEAR-MAGAZINE.COM* ONE DAY AT A TIME GAY BAR GUY

THE 10 BEST New York Cy Gay Clubs & Bars (Updated 2023).

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