What If You Only Thought You Were Gay? | GQ

Contents:

• 'HOMOSEXUAL OCD': STRAIGHT MEN WHO SPECT THEY ARE GAY
• FEELG GUILTY ABOUT "GAY THOUGHTS"
• WHAT IF YOU ONLY THOUGHT YOU WERE GAY?
• AM I GAY IF I HAVE SAME SEX FANTASI?
• HOW DO I KNOW I’M NOT REALLY GAY/STRAIGHT?
• WHY SOME STRAIGHT PEOPLE MIGHT HAVE GAY SEX
• IS YOUR MAN GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?
• TAG CLOUD2GO GAY HOTON ARE ASSOCIATN AWOME BAD BARS BREAKG CHARGE LLECTNS LOURS PANY NSCNS CRED CUTE FACEBOOK FIX FLAG GAY GETTG GOOD HARD HEART LGBT LICHAAM LMAO LOOKG LOVE MORTGAGE NEW NEWS NORTH OFFS PIZZA PRI QUOT RABOW REPAIR ROCHTER ROO SRE SHOOT STAR STUFF THGS THOUGHTS WHE YAHOO YORK IN
• YOU’RE NOT GAY: HOMOSEXUALY ANXIETY OCD
• MEET THE STRAIGHT MEN WHO ARE TERRIFIED THEY ARE GAY

'HOMOSEXUAL OCD': STRAIGHT MEN WHO SPECT THEY ARE GAY

Some of them probably are a ltle bisexual, but I know two particular who seem 100% straight every jt enjoy the nvenience of gay sex sometim. So when you are sayg "foc on the more submissive aspects of " and referencg the prev post where someone suggted this was more about beg submissive than about beg gay, n you elaborate on that?

24, 2014— -- Steven Brodsky, a psychologist who specializ obssive-pulsive disorr, says that at any one time he has a "handful" of clients who are straight and spect that they are gay. J., said he had one adult patient who was so crippled by obssive thoughts about beg gay that he was unable to live penntly and had to move back wh his parents to pe.

Brodsky said a prev therapist had misdiagnosed his patient as gay, and at the patient's requt, sent him off to reparative therapy, a ntroversial method that has not been proven to be effective and n be harmful.

FEELG GUILTY ABOUT "GAY THOUGHTS"

"Brodsky argu that today's open acceptance of homosexualy and gay liftyl n bld therapists to this kd of anxiety disorr straight men.

Jack Drcher, a noted New York Cy psychiatrist who is nsired an expert gay and lbian mental health and treats patients for OCD, agreed that "beg worried that one might be gay is not the same thg as beg gay. ""A person wh OCD who has is havg tsive thoughts about whether or not he is gay, is not gay, the sense that he has not rporated a homosexual orientatn any mimally affirmg way to his inty, " said Drcher. "Also, if he is not actually attracted to people of the same sex, do not masturbate to fantasi of people of the same sex, is not really aroed by same sex pornography, then is hard to make the se that he has a homosexual orientatn.

Another was heterosexual and feared he had agreed wh Brodsky that some therapists may miss an OCD diagnosis, but "the most likely e of that is not that they are too gay-affirmg but that they lack trag regnizg the symptoms of OCD. "Repeatedly, anxly, reviewg past suatns, ttg themselv, askg for reassurance, pulsively rearchg the Inter for gay tts, ttg themselv wh gay porn or gay people. "As for treatment, Brodsky said he would help a patient who was tly gay validate their feelgs and atta self-acceptance, "achievg lm and peace of md.

WHAT IF YOU ONLY THOUGHT YOU WERE GAY?

You might take some fort knowg that both your same-sex mutual masturbatn experience, and your "gay thoughts" when masturbatg alone, are shared by many. Some younger and olr men feel strongly about publicly intifyg themselv, some way, as gay, straight, or bi, while others are ntent wh livg their happy liv private. My last post scribed a populatn of mal who nsir themselv heterosexual, do not label themselv gay or bisexual, chew volvement wh the LGBT muny, are often married or romantilly volved wh an oppose-sex partner, and who engage sex wh mal or exprs the sire to do so.

Due large part to the popularizatn of the topic the btsellg 2005 book On the Down Low: A Journey to the Liv of 'Straight' Black Men Who Sleep wh Men, [i] Lato and Ain-Amerin men are the primary subjects rearch wh non-gay intified MSM. One of the earlit studi, "The Bisexual and Non-Gay Attached Rearch Project" om the early 1990s, found that participants engagg same-sex sexual behavr but not intifyg as gay or bisexual scribed themselv as “kky, ” “normal, ” or “jt a guy. Siar fdgs were found throughout a seri of terviews wh non-gay intified MSM prepared for the Centers for Disease Control and Preventn 2004.

In tally, the men terviewed reported that if sexual activy between men was anonymo, experimental, ocsnal, or if substance e was volved, the act was not “gay.

AM I GAY IF I HAVE SAME SEX FANTASI?

[iii] Daryl Hood, Garrett Prtage, June Crawford, Tania Sorrell, and Chris O’Reilly, "Report on the BANGAR Project: Bisexual Activy/non Gay Attachment Rearch Targetg Strategi Intifitn Project.

[v] STD Communitns Database: Interviews wh Non-Gay Intified Men who have Sex wh Men (NGI MSM), ” (Atlanta, Geia: Orc Macro, 2005). Ramamurthi, Cleo Manago, Serg Ava, and Marv Jon, “Sexual Behavr, Sexual Inty, and Substance Abe Among Low-Ine Bisexual and Non-Gay-Intifyg Ain Amerin Men Who Have Sex wh Men, ” Archiv of Sexual Behavr 37, no. ” Fifteen years later, he ss outsi a Wt Hollywood Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf remiscg wh a woman about his days as an out-and-proud gay man.

’”From the Edors of DetailsDpe the sistence of many—straight and gay—that swchg between sexual preferenc n’t technilly happen, Rothenberg isn’t the only man to have believed he was homosexual before cidg that he was wrong. The aren’t gays who attend fah-based programs to be “cured, ” or bisexuals who rotate between male and female sex partners the way the rt of alternate pairs of sho.

HOW DO I KNOW I’M NOT REALLY GAY/STRAIGHT?

And they’re not the type who hi gay urg public while privately trottg off to the lol Andrew Br, who grew up Milwkee, was all about girls—until he had sex wh a guy at the end of his senr year of high school. When he later fell love wh a woman (who was at the time a lbian) and realized he was straight, he didn’t rm anyone that he’d been wavg that rabow flag although there aren’t statistics to show how many men go through a siar sexual shift, anecdotal evince suggts that some men who nsir themselv to be gay experience this kd of change not bee of sexual experimentatn or peer prsure but bee they ci that they want to sleep wh women stead of Ethan Robson (not his real name), a 37-year-old film edor om Los Angel, chasg women durg his post-llege years beme a chore.

Although he had sex wh girls high school, an extremely close iendship wh a neighborhood boy, bed wh homophobic tnts om his sports ach, only strengthened his belief that he was gay. ”While the men all thk the swch om gay to straight was a five experience, some experts are skeptil that such a turnaround happens any but the rart s. “I’ve only n across men who me out of the closet and pursued their gay inty but uldn’t whstand the prsur of fay and society so returned to beg closeted and heterosexual relatnships, ” says Ian Kerner, Ph.

As homophobia creas, McCormack says, straight men are actg “much softer” than those om olr generatns -- somethg he and Eric Anrson, of the Universy of Wchter, set out to exame. We have a bromance where we are very fortable around each history of homosocial relatnships, or heterosexual male iendships, is eply plex and steeped social stigmas, myth, rejectn and aggrsn, the thors expla their rearch.

WHY SOME STRAIGHT PEOPLE MIGHT HAVE GAY SEX

Men wanted to avoid beg the target of homophobic abe, so they would be macho to distance themselv om any perceptn of homosexualy, ” McCormack told HuffPost.

“But there is a generatnal effect here: Olr men who grew up the 1980s may still feel the need to prent a very straight versn of themselv, but more posive attus toward homosexualy ntemporary culture mean that younger men are simply ls ncerned about how other people view their behavrs. McCormack acknowledg that anti-gay sentiment is still around but that many guys don't seem to md exprsg themselv however they want.

“Homophobia hasn't disappeared, but straight men today are not expected to be homophobic like they were the 1980s and 1990s, " he said. Scientists are not yet sure exactly what someone to be lbian, gay, bisexual, or straight, but recent rearch shows that there are blogil factors place before birth that fluence people’s sexual orientatn. In orr to have doubts about one’s sexual inty, a sufferer need not ever have had a homo- or heterosexual experience, or any type of sexual experience at all.

IS YOUR MAN GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?

” Some people’s doubts are further plited by havg such experienc as hearg other people talkg or lookg their directn and thkg that the people mt be analyzg their behavr or appearance and talkg about them – discsg how they mt be gay (or straight). Let’s face , gay people have always been an opprsed mory wh our culture, and to sudnly thk of beg this posn, and to be stigmatized this way, n be ighteng.

TAG CLOUD2GO GAY HOTON ARE ASSOCIATN AWOME BAD BARS BREAKG CHARGE LLECTNS LOURS PANY NSCNS CRED CUTE FACEBOOK FIX FLAG GAY GETTG GOOD HARD HEART LGBT LICHAAM LMAO LOOKG LOVE MORTGAGE NEW NEWS NORTH OFFS PIZZA PRI QUOT RABOW REPAIR ROCHTER ROO SRE SHOOT STAR STUFF THGS THOUGHTS WHE YAHOO YORK IN

I have sometim wonred if those who experience the most distrs om such thoughts as the do so bee they were raised wh more strongly homophobic or anti-gay attus to beg wh, or if is simply bee one’s sexualy n be such a basic doubt. Lookg at attractive men or women, or pictur of them, or readg sexually oriented lerature or pornography (hetero- or homosexual), to see if they are sexually excg. The flip si of this is when they look at thgs havg to do wh sex of an oppose orientatn and then feel aroed some way, which they then nclu to mean that they liked , which means that they are gay (or straight).

Makg a seri of three-mute tap that based on the wrgs gradually suggt more and more that you are gay, and listeng to them several tim a day changg them when they no longer bother you).

YOU’RE NOT GAY: HOMOSEXUALY ANXIETY OCD

In terms of pure numbers, we know that the vast majory of those who have gay sex intify as straight — and this is te for both women and men. Though they loved the sexual experience and wanted to have a future relatnship wh the person, they had mixed attus toward homosexualy and premaral sex.

Bee only four sexual orientatn optns were given to stunts — heterosexual, bisexual, homosexual, and don’t know — perhaps many of the dividuals were misplaced the straight tegory.

Are the the men who will bee vigilant wh anti-gay rhetoric, and who will e eher their nservative relig or polil beliefs to jtify their behavr?

MEET THE STRAIGHT MEN WHO ARE TERRIFIED THEY ARE GAY

If we lived a culture which havg some gree of same-sex sexualy did not imply that you th had to be the “dread” lbian, gay, or bisexual, would be easier for dividuals who stggle or n’t ci their sexualy to be te to their thentic self. Of urse, some intify as straight but are realy closeted bisexuals or gays by sexual orientatn—perhaps likely to e out at a later age (if ever). In his Royal Oaks, Michigan, practice, Joe specializ Gay Affirmative Psychotherapy and IMAGO Relatnship Therapy, often treatg men who are qutng their sexual orientatn.

And I thk ’s very important to state right here that I’m a gay man, yet here I am sayg that most of the time the men who are beg sexual wh other men aren’t gay. Wh gay clients, they say they feel the same way; wh bisexual clients, they say they’re lookg at both the men and the women; wh straight clients, they say they’re lookg only at the women.

When a man is a long-term relatnship wh a woman but beg sexual wh men, eher lookg at porn or havg actual sex, he eher will or won’t be homophobic. A lot of tim the gay men never even make to me (whout promptg om their wife, anyway) bee they’re riddled wh homophobia and I’m too gay for them. A gay guy wants to do all of that wh a man, a bisexual guy might want a man or a woman, and the straight guy wants to only be wh a woman that way.