What's Life Like For Gay Kids In Public Schools? : NPR

being gay in middle school

For most kids, the social prsur of middle school are tough enough. But an creasg number of young teenagers, some as young 10 or 11, are g out as gay or lbian middle school. Beno Denizet-Lewis, who wrote about the trend the New York Tim Magaze, discs what social factors uld be leadg young people to e out earlier.

Contents:

GAY YOUTH COMG OUT IN MIDDLE SCHOOL

* being gay in middle school *

When realy, if you talk to a gay man, you know, many of them lookg back will say, you know, I noticed my same sex attractn, you know, at 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13 that ballpark.

I mean, one of the tertg thgs that we have to look at is this, is that much of the anti-gay bullyg and anti-gay harassment that's gog on middle schools and high school is more about genr non-nformy than really is about beg gay or lbian. Is that beg gay or lbian is still enough of a pariah inty that parents want to take off the table as long as they n, or is jt that parents really feel that all kids are sexualized too early the days, and they don't want their kids at this age thkg about, you know, hookg up?

WHAT'S LIFE LIKE FOR GAY KIDS IN PUBLIC SCHOOLS?

High school is a challengg time for most teens. It n be even more so for lbian, gay, bisexual and transgenr stunts. Judy Chiasson of the Los Angel Unified School District and Eliza Byard, executive director of the Gay, Lbian and Straight Edutn Network talk about beg openly LGBT school. * being gay in middle school *

So was really - and a lot of parents, when they heard their kid, their 12-, 13-, 14-year-old say, you know, I'm gay, or I'm bisexual, or I'm lbian, they tomatilly went to oh my god, that means he's havg sex, when realy wasn't about that at all. DENIZET-LEWIS: I thk that there's no doubt that sort of as you have more posive portrayals and, I would say, accurate portrayals of gay and lbian life the media, and kids n go onle and fd all kds of rourc, that there's no doubt that that's gog to have an effect on kids, and that they're gog to possibly e out earlier bee of that. Now, I don't thk that those posive portrayals of gay life is gog to sort of make a kid who's not attracted to the same sex sudnly say, you know, hey, this seems really ol.

What I thk that the more posive portrayals popular culture has done is 's ma a ltle b safer for kids who do feel that they're gay or lbian to be able to e to their parents or school unselor and talk about the issu, which I thk is a real step forward bee for many years, kids who had same-sex attractn or were nfed, they uldn't talk to anyone about . So, you know, nsequently I sort of went nial mo, which is what a lot of gay kids have done for many years, and then my early 20s and mid-20s and late 20s, as many gay men do who don't e out until late, we sort of try to relive our gay adolcence that we weren't allowed to live.

SUPPORTG A GAY-STRAIGHT ALLIANCE MIDDLE SCHOOL

A profsor talks about the long-term effects of beg bullied for beg gay middle school and high school, even though they’ve never intified as gay. * being gay in middle school *

And so what's remarkable, now, is I thk we're gog to see, as more and more kids e out younger and are sort of able to have a normal adolcence the sense that, you know, I talked to kids who were havg arguments wh their parents about gog on dat when they're 15 or 16 or 17 or gog to the prom or sort of, you know, havg their normal adolcence, I thk 's gog to create an entirely different kd of gay and lbian adult the next 10, 20, 30 years. ”Many LGBTQ stunts report that a support system or an ally—whether a fay member, iend, teacher or guidance unselor—is often valuable helpg them navigate their school, pecially given the negative impacts LGBTQ stunts n fact, the Gay, Lbian and Straight Edutn Network (GLSEN) reports their 2017 Natnal School Climate Survey that negative school environments where stunts experience victimizatn and discrimatn bee of their genr or sexualy n adversely affect them.

I WAS BULLIED FOR BEG GAY AS A KID EVEN THOUGH I’M STRAIGHT

”El also noted that, while they live Massachetts and their school’s curriculum is not affected by "no promo homo" laws, which prohib teachers om discsg LGBTQ issu, the state's specifilly clive curriculum n vary between teacher to teacher, and those who tght ma them feel validated. Each year, seems, we hear the stori of the clash of culture and genr when a high school stunt who is gay is banned om attendg the prom, or pays a price for gog.

This year is no different, om a Mississippi unty school board banng 18-year-old Constance McMillan, who wanted to wear a tux and brg her girliend, to the Miami gay senr who was crowned prom queen -only to be disowned by his own fay. Today, we hear om a Los Angel school admistrator charge of equy and diversy, and om an advote whose anizatn has helped gui gay kids through the maze of high school life.

COX: One of the areas that has been an issue the gay, lbian, transgenr muny, as far as public schools are ncerned, is whether or not to tegrate the stunts to the mastream populatn or to some way segregate them, even if is jt for their safety. COX: Is possible, Judy, to tablish wh a school settg, let's say, a program that will benef stunts who are lbian, gay, bisexual, transgenr - not discrimate agast them but at the same time, allow them to have the fort of beg an area where they n feel fortable? You know, so we would do some kd of supprsn terms of the anti-gay harassment that you experienced and plement that wh tnal terventns bee is through tn that we n really end bias.

GAY KIDS COMG OUT YOUNGER, BUT PARENTS ASK "HOW DO YOU KNOW?"

We are talkg about gay stunts and high school, public high school, and we are talkg wh Judy Chiasson wh the Office of Human Relatns, Diversy and Equy the L.

Those are the clear non-discrimatn and anti-bullyg, anti-harassment polici that explicly clu sexual orientatn and genr exprsn and genr inty as among those tegori of protectn; havg supportive faculty and school staff available to young people to help them when issu arise; the prence of stunt clubs, monly known as gay-straight allianc, or GSAs, and other stunt advocy to improve school climate; and the prence of clive curricular elements that accurately and appropriately pict LGBT people, history and life. I am a queer teacher Columb, and the big thg I've noticed, the big problem that I have had, is I live a state where is still legal to fire someone for beg gay. I thk Judy embodi what I thk is bt all people who go to tn, but I do have to pot out that there are ser stutnal barriers across the untry for teachers, gay or straight, who wish to reach out and help stunts who are havg a hard time.

And I thk the key thg - thkg about that first email - is that this is about the fact that 90 percent of stunts, gay and straight, report that they hear anti-gay ments, anti-LGBT ments at school every sgle day. Stunts we asked - a natnal sample of sendary school stunts, middle and high school, the - gay and straight - about the most equent bas for bullyg and harassment their schools, and the top three that were listed were physil appearance and body size, actual or perceived sexual orientatn, and whether a stunt was perceived to be, quote-unquote, mascule or feme enough. Sendarily, of urse, is about those stunts an environment who may or may not be gay, maybe thkg about whether or not they are LGBT, and are wnsg the price that they will have to pay.

*BEAR-MAGAZINE.COM* BEING GAY IN MIDDLE SCHOOL

I Was Bullied for Beg Gay as a Kid Even Though I’m Straight - The Doe</tle><meta name="article:published_time" ntent="2021-06-01T06:00:00+0000"/><meta name="thor" ntent="HistoryLsons"/><meta name="scriptn" ntent="A profsor talks about the long-term effects of beg bullied for beg gay middle school and high school, even though they’ve never intified as gay."/><meta property="og:scriptn" ntent="A profsor talks about the long-term effects of beg bullied for beg gay middle school and high school, even though they’ve never intified as gay."/><meta property="og:image" ntent="><meta property="og:image:alt" ntent="I Was Bullied for Beg Gay as a Kid Even Though I’m Straight"/><meta property="og:tle" ntent="I Was Bullied for Beg Gay as a Kid Even Though I’m Straight"/><meta property="og:type" ntent="article"/><meta property="og:url" ntent="><meta name="twter:rd" ntent="summary_large_image"/><meta name="twter:se" ntent="@TheDoe"/><meta name="twter:scriptn" ntent="A profsor talks about the long-term effects of beg bullied for beg gay middle school and high school, even though they’ve never intified as gay."/><meta name="twter:imageUrl" ntent="><script type="applitn/ld+json">{"@ntext":","@type":"Article","maEntyOfPage":{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"},"headle":"I Was Bullied for Beg Gay as a Kid Even Though I’m Straight","datePublished":"2021-06-01T06:00:00+0000","dateModified":"2021-06-01T06:00:00+0000","thor":{"@type":"Person","name":"HistoryLsons"},"publisher":{"@type":"Organizatn","name":"The Doe","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","url":"}},"image":[",",","],"articleBody":"Gog to seventh gra, I was really exced that I might be popular. I knew a bunch of other kids om the other feer elementary schools and, after puberty h me hard fourth gra (wh all the cintal Catholic shame about my sir and the explic nature of my fantasi), I felt awkward but super to girls—crazily to girls, sanely to girls. I hoped I would have girliends and iends, and feel more fortable my own sk. That hope lasted until the end of the first day of seventh gra. I was gog to play sports, bee playg sports was one way to be “ol,” pecially after three years of takg jazz and tap dancg class—ually beg the only boy a class of girls leotards. It was somethg that add to my girl crazs, even as iends qutned, gently, whether I was gay or not for takg dance class. So, I felt a need to do somethg “manly,” even though I had been part of the suburbs’ great pastime—soccer— the lol Catholic church league. Of urse, we need to take physils first to make sure we were healthy. While wag for one, all went wrong. I saw one of my iends om elementary school, Ali, so I sat down next to her. I thought she was cute, of urse, and liked her; she had lived my neighborhood, but she went out wh my iend, Dave, and not me. That was OK though. As we sat talkg, I did what awkward 12-year-old boys do to girls they like and teased her. It was not malic bee I had known her so long, but apparently seemed malic to some olr boys I didn’t know. They rose to her fense and began teasg me. It was savage. I pulled back to a fensive physil pose, holdg my right shoulr wh my right hand, which looked funny. But I was sred and fensive. They began to tease me for that awkward pose and said I looked like a girl and that I was a “femme.” Like most childhood trmas, I don’t remember how long I sat there as three boys told me I looked like a girl and asked me if I was gay. By the time I got home, I was broken. What began that day was six years of bullyg about my sexualy, lastg until I graduated high school.\r\nWhat Is Was Like Beg Bullied for Beg Gay When I’m Straight\r\nI am a straight, cis-genred male, so the bullyg was about who I wasn’t, not about who I was. However, was relentls. Middle school, like is for most people, was hell. I dread changg class bee if one of my tormentors saw me the hallways he’d scream, “FEMME! THAT KID’S A FEMME.” Some of the popular kids, who had been my iends, would shy away om me public spac, lt my low stat b off on them. The dreams I had of havg iends and beg popular were ad. Bee of middle school dynamics, my tormenters grew numbers as they roped their iends to their raveno wolfpack of sexualy-based bullyg. Several tim a day, while changg class, I endured screamed tnts and public huiatn. They didn’t have to touch me physilly bee they stroyed me emotnally. The sound of the bell rgg at the end of each class sent a shiver of terror down my spe bee I didn’t know if I’d be seen and tnted. I learned to change rout and flee, to keep my head down and hi, hopg that I would be unseen as I moved about my day. Eighth gra brought a severe se of chickenpox bee of urse did. It left me vered om head to toe sbs and pox marks. I remember now, wh shame, beg mean to another kid my class, who had bad ae, bee I wanted the foc off my sbs, supposed “femy” and homosexualy. The vic dynamics of that age and my sense of hopelsns ma me act celly sometim, even though never alleviated my torment. As wh seventh gra, I dread the end of the class bell, the b ri home, the random enunters at the mall. I did extracurricular activi every day, jt so I uld take the late b home om school to avoid my bulli.\r\nOnce the Bullyg Starts, It Don’t Stop\r\nNo matter what, one nnot flee forever. I always got ught. One event stands out. I had to take the regular b home one time, schleppg my heavy tenor saxophone. I got stuck stg near my tormentors bee of urse I did, wh my big se the aisle, my hand on the handle to keep om slidg. After endurg what felt like an eterny of slurs and sults, we arrived at the stop where a uple of them were gettg off. Each ma sure to step on the hand clutchg the handle to hurt me. I got home, went to my room and jt cried. I was cled to tear up when bullied, but this was one of those broken moments that etched self to my nscns forever. The mix of fear, rage at my powerlsns and sadns at my ongog huiatn didn’t often break me down, but, when did, I broke down hard. I endured middle school, earned high gras, was a good athlete and even had a girliend or two, though never for more than a few days—I always tried to hi her om the public lt my low stat her reputatn. I lived on high alert om my tormentors, aaid to date girls, though sperately wantg to do so bee of my ragg hormon. Still, I was ashamed of the ias those hormon engenred. It was a toxic stew and would not abate high school.\r\nThe Bullyg Even Had My Parents Thkg I Was Gay\r\nIn my first year high school, I had a specified lunch perd, as one do. Lunch had always been a sry time for me middle school, but I had luckily managed to avoid most of my tormentors. My luck would not hold. I was able to shelter among my sister’s olr iends through lunch, and tried to wear their skater inty as my own. I fally jt abandoned lunch and schled class place of lunch for my remag high school years—not the worst thg for an amic kid. It was around this time that my uncle died, and my parents somehow got wd of my torment. I’m not sure why wasn’t until high school, but the nversatn happened the r on the way home.  “But do you thk might be te? What did they say about you? Are you gay? Your uncle was gay,” my mom asked.  “No, mom, It hurts so much bee I am not gay, bee ’s not who I am.”  I don’t remember much more of the nversatn, but revealed somethg important about my recently ceased uncle. It was real, and filled me wh qutns about his life and ath.\r\nGettg Bullied at School Affects the Rt of Your Life\r\nFor three more years I endured abe. I was ually hungry om skippg my lunch perd and aaid to date girls, spe sperately wantg to; I worked as hard as I uld to be a great athlete and prove my manls. Some tormentors stopped. One even apologized bee his girliend, a iend, asked him to. Many more joed the actn. Durg the senr talent show, I was somehow asked to -host, and I dread . I’d spent years beg huiated the hallways and around town. If anyone screamed anythg, would be ont of an dience. They did, and I persisted anyway while ad si. The posive mpaign “It Gets Better” for gay youth was te for me, too. When I graduated, got better. However, I rry wh me ep emotnal wounds and a agily that manifts at random. Disappotments csh my spirs. I am still tryg to prove I am not gay, that I’m a straight, “appropriate” man.  I nnot image what LGBTQ+ youth feel, but I know their pa is real."}</script><meta name="next-head-unt" ntent="34"/><lk rel="preload" href="/_next/static/css/" as="style"/><lk rel="stylheet" href="/_next/static/css/" data-n-g=""/><lk rel="preload" href="/_next/static/css/" as="style"/><lk rel="stylheet" href="/_next/static/css/" data-n-p=""/><noscript data-n-css=""></noscript><script fer="" nomodule="" src="/_next/static/chunks/"></script><script src="/_next/static/chunks/" fer=""></script><script src="/_next/static/chunks/" fer=""></script><script src="/_next/static/chunks/" fer=""></script><script src="/_next/static/chunks/pag/" fer=""></script><script src="/_next/static/chunks/" fer=""></script><script src="/_next/static/chunks/" fer=""></script><script src="/_next/static/chunks/" fer=""></script><script src="/_next/static/chunks/" fer=""></script><script src="/_next/static/chunks/" fer=""></script><script src="/_next/static/chunks/" fer=""></script><script src="/_next/static/chunks/pag/narrativ/" fer=""></script><script src="/_next/static/CF-eoEFdZ_ylY8H7FgQ2M/" fer=""></script><script src="/_next/static/CF-eoEFdZ_ylY8H7FgQ2M/" fer=""></script></head><body><div id="__next" data-reactroot=""><div class="Toastify"></div><div class="bg-whe py-xs lg:py-sm Hear_hear__ubBbX relative z-50"><div class="ntent-width "><div class="flex flex-row ems-center"><button class="mr-xs lg:hidn leadg-0 foc:outle-none Hear_hamburgerButton__87mQF" aria-label="Open menu"><span class="Hear_hamburger__IDMFE text-black"><span class="Hear_hamburger__box__VZQzG"><span class="Hear_hamburger__ner__6Awt4 "></span></span></span></button><div style="visibily:hidn;transn:visibily 0s lear 500ms"><div class="fixed top-0 bottom-0 left-0 right-0 z-40 bg-black text-whe transn duratn-500 transform overflow-to -translate-x-full"><div class="flex flex-l m-h-screen pt-xs pb-sm px-md "><div><div class="flex ems-center jtify-between"><a tle="The Doe - Home" href="/"><svg viewBox="0 0 385 123" fill="none" xmlns=" width="150"><tle>The Doe Logo .

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