Not Every Gay Man Is DTF | GQ

Contents:

• HOW TO BEHAVE AROUND GAY PEOPLE IF YOU DON'T ACCEPT THEM
• OP-ED: WHY DO GAY GUYS HATE OTHER GAY GUYS?
• WHY DO STRAIGHTS HATE GAYS?
• I LIKE GAY MALE PORN, BUT GAY MEN REAL LIFE EAK ME OUT.
• NOT ALL GAY MEN HAVE ANAL SEX
• NOT EVERY GAY MAN IS DTF
• I LIKE GUYS BUT I DON’T WANT TO BE GAY. HOW DO I STOP BEG GAY?

HOW TO BEHAVE AROUND GAY PEOPLE IF YOU DON'T ACCEPT THEM

In an environment of growg acceptance, we nmn homophobic feelgs, particularly men, bee we thk they e om si the dividual and are th his full rponsibily. However, the ntued existence of homophobia—spe the obv downsis—rais qutns about s basic nature: Do psychologil theori like those above really expla why gayns, specifilly, evok such fear, the kd that n sometim even lead to vlent speech and actn? The only way to answer the qutns is to stop thkg of homophobia as a personal choice and unrstand as the evable and liberate rult of the culture which Amerin men are raised.

OP-ED: WHY DO GAY GUYS HATE OTHER GAY GUYS?

Put another way, the zero-tolerance le means that if a man mak one “wrong” move—kiss another man a moment of dnken fun, say—he is immediately assumed to be gay.

We don’t hear about gay men disverg an tert women later life, and we rarely believe men when they say they are bisexual—the mon, if erroneo, wisdom is that any man who says he is bi is really jt gay and hasn’t admted yet.

WHY DO STRAIGHTS HATE GAYS?

The rult of all this is that men are not allowed “plex” sexuali; once the prumptn of straightns has been shattered, a du is tomatilly gay.

I LIKE GAY MALE PORN, BUT GAY MEN REAL LIFE EAK ME OUT.

Even if relign and Esquire didn’t teach men to be sred of each other’s bodi, they would still be aaid of the way a bsh wh gayns n so sudnly erase the rt of their sexualy. High-schoolers acce each other, their activi, and even objects of beg gay wh precisely the zero-tolerance attu that they themselv are navigatg. The gam aren’t jt ground disgt wh homosex; they are playg out exactly what society has tght men about heterosexualy: One wrong move, and you’ll be permanently marked.

Homophobia, then, is precisely a fear, and one that the men are not at all foolish for entertag.

If you dislike or don't unrstand gay people, and you have gay people your life, here is how to handle . Stop seeg gay people as praved and oversexed, and realize that they n be ordary people who do ordary thgs. Th, if your relign prohibs gay marriage, you are wele not to marry someone gay, but you nnot e to stop other people om marryg.

NOT ALL GAY MEN HAVE ANAL SEX

This sectn appli to Christians and offers help for acceptg all of God's children, cludg the gay on. Several quot om J show that he believed that some people were born gay and that there is nothg wrong wh this. J suggts that some men are "born nuchs, " an ancient term for beg gay, that the people are part of God's natural orr, and heterosexual marriage is not the right path for everyone.

NOT EVERY GAY MAN IS DTF

I cid to make a short documentary, 20MALEGAYNYC, after hearg each of my gay male iends say, "I hate gay guys, " or at least, "I hate stereotypil gay guys. " I wanted to talk to gay men about gay men - what means to be our age, gay, and livg New York the year 2012; how we treat each other; and how stereotyp play a role our daily chance to terview my close iends --iends who have exprsed disillnment, tratn, and dismissal towards the gay muny (or lack thereof) off-mera - was a movg experience. I found them articulate, hont, and brave for givg voice to thoughts that I've been wrtlg wh, as well as on that are far more plex than anythg I'd thought about prr to the one is gog to say an terview, "I basilly fulfill every gay stereotype, " but every sgle one of the guys (myself clud) are pable of actg stereotypil ways.

I LIKE GUYS BUT I DON’T WANT TO BE GAY. HOW DO I STOP BEG GAY?

But the "gay guys who jt want to sleep wh each other, " or "boa-wearg gay guys, " or "nety pound boys tank tops screamg" are imag that we've nvced ourselv exist as whole people, and not jt elements or have an expectatn that other members of the muny should not act a typilly homosexual or heterosexual way for lack of a "real personaly. " However, I'm nfint that I uld speak wh any gay man, however many boas he may be wearg, and have an telligent discsn about gay inty and ternalized homophobia.

When we ph away other members of our own muny by labelg them as a thg rather than a person, even though we acknowledge that the ncept of this "thg" om outsi the gay world, we're dog ourselv a disservice. I n see how a young gay man would be sred to e out and enter to a world which actg too stereotypilly will not only lead to bullyg by others, but also a total dismissal om fellow gay says, "Women n be great role mols, but we need gay male role mols. Cole's pot that "all the gay muny has mon is their sexualy, so the center of gay culture is sex" monstrat a rejectn of all that an thentic muny n offer.

The morn nceptn of a young gay muny New York Cy is disjoted, varied, and seemgly unnecsary as a support system, but also far more plex, layered, and filled wh non-stereotypil quali than most people, cludg the people wh , seem to all have this ncept of "the other": those flamers out there g for the rt of ; but we're g for ourselv. LARRY KRAMER is the founr of the prott group ACT UP and the thor of "The Tragedy of Today's Gays.