Ten Tips for Parents of a Gay, Lbian, Bisexual, or Transgenr Child - Advot for Youth

Contents:

• PARENTS OF GAY CHILDREN AND THE ISSU THEY FACE
• PARENTG A GAY CHILD
• WHY GAY PARENTS MAY BE THE BT PARENTS
• ‘A FAY LIKE OURS’: PORTRAS OF GAY FATHERHOOD
• DEAR PARENT OF A GAY CHILD
• GROWG UP WH GAY PARENTS: WHAT IS THE BIG AL?*
• LBIAN AND GAY PARENTG
• WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"
• GAY PARENTS AS GOOD AS STRAIGHT ON

PARENTS OF GAY CHILDREN AND THE ISSU THEY FACE

In fact, some ways, gay parents may brg talents to the table that straight parents don' parents "tend to be more motivated, more mted than heterosexual parents on average, bee they chose to be parents, " said Abbie Goldberg, a psychologist at Clark Universy Massachetts who rearch gay and lbian parentg. ) [5 Myths About Gay People Debunked]Adoptg the needitGay adoptn recently ed ntroversy Illois, where Catholic Chari adoptn servic cid November to cease offerg servic bee the state refed fundg unls the groups agreed not to discrimate agast gays and lbians. More than half of the kids adopted by gays and lbians had special report didn't pare the adoptn preferenc of gay upl directly wh those of heterosexual upl, said thor David Brodzsky, rearch director at the Instute and -edor of "Adoptn By Lbians and Gay Men: A New Dimensn of Fay Diversy" (Oxford Universy Prs, 2011).

Part of that uld be their own preferenc, and part uld be bee of discrimatn by adoptn agenci that puts more difficult children wh what seworkers see as "ls sirable" matter how you slice , Brodzsky told LiveScience, gays and lbians are highly terted adoptn as a group.

PARENTG A GAY CHILD

"When you thk about the 114, 000 children who are eed for adoptn who ntue to live foster re and who are not beg readily adopted, the goal is to crease the pool of available, terted and well-traed dividuals to parent the children, " Brodzsky addn, Brodzsky said, there's evince to suggt that gays and lbians are pecially acceptg of open adoptns, where the child retas some ntact wh his or her birth parents. "Intertgly, we fd that a small percentage, but enough to be noteworthy, [of birth mothers] make a nsc cisn to place wh gay men, so they n be the only mother their child's life, " Brodzsky parentgRearch has shown that the kids of same-sex upl — both adopted and blogil kids — fare no worse than the kids of straight upl on mental health, social functng, school performance and a variety of other life-succs a 2010 review of virtually every study on gay parentg, New York Universy soclogist Judh Stacey and Universy of Southern California soclogist Tim Biblarz found no differenc between children raised hom wh two heterosexual parents and children raised wh lbian parents.

"There's no doubt whatsoever om the rearch that children wh two lbian parents are growg up to be jt as well-adjted and succsful" as children wh a male and a female parent, " Stacey told is very ltle rearch on the children of gay men, so Stacey and Biblarz uldn't draw nclns on those fai.

WHY GAY PARENTS MAY BE THE BT PARENTS

"The dividuals feel like their perspectiv on fay, on genr, on sexualy have largely been enhanced by growg up wh gay parents, " Goldberg 33-year-old man wh a lbian mother told Goldberg, "I feel I'm a more open, well-round person for havg been raised a nontradnal fay, and I thk those that know me would agree. A 2013 Canadian study (Allen 2013), which analyzed data om a very large populatn-based sample, revealed that the children of gay and lbian upl are only about 65 percent as likely to have graduated om high school as are the children of married, oppose-sex upl.

Three key fdgs stood out this study: children of married, oppose-sex parents have a high graduatn rate pared to the others; children of lbian fai have a very low graduatn rate pared to the others; and children the other four typ of livg arrangements (mon law marriage, gay uple, sgle mother, and sgle father) are siar to each other and fall between the extrem of married heterosexual parents and lbian upl.

The women (whose average age both groups was 29) wh gay or bisexual fathers had difficulty wh adult attachment issu three areas: (1) they were ls fortable wh closens and timacy; (2) they were ls able to tst and pend on others; and (3) they experienced more anxiety relatnships pared to the women raised by heterosexual fathers (and mothers). The study is noteworthy for several reasons: (1) his study sample was large, reprentative, and populatn-based (not a small, self-selected group); (2) Regnes studied the rpons of adult children rather than askg same-sex parents to scribe how their young pennt children are dog; and (3) he was able to draw parisons on up to 80 measur for children who had lived wh (or had) parents who fell to one of eight tegori—tact fai wh both blogil parents who were married to each other, lbian mothers, gay fathers, heterosexual sgle parents, parents who later divorced, habg parents, parents who adopted the rponnt, and other (such as a ceased parent).

‘A FAY LIKE OURS’: PORTRAS OF GAY FATHERHOOD

4) as prevalent among children wh same-sex parents than the general populatn, after ntrollg for age, sex, ethnicy, and parent soc-enomic stat (Sulls 2015b) n one rencile the signifint fdgs wh the wily publicized studi showg no harmful effects to children who have, or have lived wh, lbian or gay parents? For example, 2005, the Amerin Psychologil Associatn (APA) issued an official brief on lbian and gay parentg, which clud this assertn: “Not a sgle study has found children of lbian and gay parents to be disadvantaged any signifint rpect relative to children of heterosexual parents” (Amerin Psychologil Associatn 2005). The thor remend further flaws exist the vast majory of studi published before 2012 on this subject (Marks 2012) cludg the fact that they relied upon small, nonreprentative sampl that are not reprentative of children typil homosexual fai the Uned major studi, published by Gartrell and Bos (2010) and Biblarz and Stacey (2010), are often ced by gay activists and extensively the media.

Unlike heterosexual parents and their children, however, lbian and gay parents and their children are often subject to prejudice bee of their sexual orientatn that n turn judg, legislators, profsnals, and the public agast them, sometim rultg negative out, such as loss of physil ctody, rtrictns on visatn, and prohibns agast adoptn (ACLU Lbian and Gay Rights Project, 2002; Appell, 2003; Patterson, Fulcher, & Waright, 2002). The relevance of this cricism has been greatly rced as rearch has expand to explore life a wir array of lbian mother and gay father fai (many of which have never lived through the divorce of a heterosexual uple), and as newer studi beg to clu a wir array of ntrol groups.

DEAR PARENT OF A GAY CHILD

An expert readg of the Sarantakos article reveals that certa characteristics of s methodology and sample are highly likely to have skewed the rults and renred them an valid ditor of the well-beg of children raised by gay and lbian parents at least three rpects:. The children raised by gay and lbian parents experienced unually high levels of extreme social ostracism and overt hostily om other children and parents, which probably acunted for the former's lower levels of teractn and social tegratn wh peers (see pp.

Some nonscientific anizatns have attempted to nvce urts that there is an actual scientific dispute this area by cg rearch performed by Pl Cameron as supportg the existence of fics gay and lbian parents or their children pared to heterosexual parents or their children. Three ncerns have historilly been associated wh judicial cisn makg ctody ligatn and public polici erng foster re and adoptn: the belief that lbians and gay men are mentally ill, that lbians are ls maternal than heterosexual women, and that lbians' and gay men's relatnships wh sexual partners leave ltle time for ongog parent-child teractns (ACLU Lbian and Gay Rights Project, 2002; Falk, 1989, 1994; Patterson et al., 2002; Patterson & Reddg, 1996). Many years ago, the Amerin Psychiatric Associatn removed "homosexualy" om s list of mental disorrs, statg that "homosexualy per se impli no impairment judgment, stabily, reliabily, or general social or votnal pabili" (Amerin Psychiatric Associatn, 1974).

GROWG UP WH GAY PARENTS: WHAT IS THE BIG AL?*

The cisn to remove homosexual orientatn om the list of mental disorrs reflects extensive rearch nducted over three s showg that homosexual orientatn is not a psychologil maladjtment (Gonsrek, 1991; Hart, Roback, Ttler, Wez, Walston, & McKee, 1978; Reiss, 1980).

There is no reliable evince that homosexual orientatn per se impairs psychologil functng, although the social and other circumstanc which lbians and gay men live, cludg exposure to wispread prejudice and discrimatn, often e acute distrs (Cochran, 2001; Freedman, 1971; Gonsrek, 1991; Hart et al., 1978; Hooker, 1957; Meyer, 2003; Reiss, 1980). Beliefs that lbian and gay adults are not f parents likewise have no empiril foundatn (Anrssen, Amlie, & Ytteroy, 2002; Brewaeys & van Hall, 1997; Parks, 1998; Patterson, 2000; Patterson & Chan, 1996; Perr, 2002; Stacey & Biblarz, 2001; Tasker, 1999; Victor & Fish, 1995). A recent study of 256 lbian and gay parent fai found that, ntrast to patterns characterizg the majory of Amerin parents, very few lbian and gay parents reported any e of physil punishment (such as spankg) as a disciplary technique; stead, they were likely to report e of posive techniqu such as reasong (Johnson & O'Connor, 2002).

Certaly, rearch has found no reasons to believe lbian mothers or gay fathers to be unf parents (Armto, 2002; Barret & Robson, 1990; Bigner & Bozett, 1990; Bigner & Jabsen, 1989a, 1989b; Bos et al., 2003, 2004; Bozett, 1980, 1989; Patterson, 1997; Patterson & Chan, 1996; Sbordone, 1993; Tasker & Golombok, 1997; Victor & Fish, 1995; Wton, 1991). For stance, one such ncern is that children brought up by lbian mothers or gay fathers will show disturbanc genr inty and/or genr role behavr (Falk, 1989, 1994; Hchens & Kirkpatrick, 1985; Kleber, Howell, & Tibbs-Kleber, 1986; Patterson et al., 2002; Patterson & Reddg, 1996).

LBIAN AND GAY PARENTG

Three aspects of sexual inty are nsired the rearch: genr inty, which ncerns a person's self-intifitn as male or female; genr-role behavr, which ncerns the extent to which a person's activi, occupatns, and the like are regard by the culture as mascule, feme, or both; and sexual orientatn, which refers to a person's choice of sexual partners, who may be homosexual, heterosexual, or bisexual (Money & Ehrhardt, 1972; Ste, 1993). Although some children have scribed enunters wh anti-gay remarks om peers (Gartrell et al., 2005), young adult offsprg of divorced lbian mothers did not rell beg the targets of any more childhood teasg or victimizatn than did the offsprg of divorced heterosexual mothers (Tasker & Golombok, 1995, 1997). Studi of the relatnships wh adults among the children of lbian and gay parents have also rulted a generally posive picture (Brewaeys et al., 1997; Golombok et al., 1983; Harris & Turner, 1985/86; Kirkpatrick et al., 1981; Waright et al., 2004).

Much of the existg rearch on lbian mothers, gay fathers, and their children was iated to addrs ncerns that arose for such fai the ntext of child ctody disput, and was apparently signed at least part to exame the veracy of mon stereotyp that have been voiced legal proceedgs.

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS: "I'M GAY"

Bee young adolcents are often preoccupied wh their own emergg sexualy, is wily agreed that early adolcence is a particularly difficult time for youth to learn that a mother is lbian or a father is gay (Bozett, 1980; Penngton, 1987; Schulenberg, 1985).

It is clear that existg rearch provis no basis for believg that children's bt terts are served by fay nflict or secrecy about a parent's lbian or gay inty, or by requirements that a lbian or gay parent mata a hoehold separate om that of a same-sex partner. Although those om lbian fai were more likely to explore same-sex relatnships, particularly if their childhood fay environment was characterized by an openns and acceptance of lbian and gay relatnships, the large majory of children who grew up lbian fai intified as heterosexual.

Subjects evaluated vigt pictg eher a gay male uple or heterosexual uple and their adopted son along the dimensns of parentg abily, gree to which the child's problems were attributable to the parental relatnship, distrs of the child (cludg genr and sexual inty nfn), and the extent to which ctody reassignment was perceived to be beneficial. A sgle qutn on relatnship satisfactn revealed no signifint difference between groups reported satisfactn, while the 32-em DAS revealed the gay parentg upl to be signifintly more satisfied wh their relatnships than the heterosexual upl, pecially the area of dyadic hn and affective exprsn. Four issu equently raised ctody s are discsed: Do gay fathers have children to ver their homosexualy, do they molt their children, do their children turn out to be gay disproportnate numbers, and do havg a gay father expose a child to homophobic harassment.

GAY PARENTS AS GOOD AS STRAIGHT ON

Gay liberatn and fay polics, and the theoretil and empiril work on the hoehold divisn of labor by genr, this qualative analysis of 34 Northern California fai suggts that equable practic-a pattern of equal sharg-among the lbian parents are the norm. A review of rearch on children of lbian and gay parents intifi some of the sourc of diversy wh lbian and gay parentg muni / prent rearch on those who beme parents the ntext of heterosexual relatnships, before g out as lbian or gay / scribe studi of lbians who beme parents after g out [prent] rearch on children born the ntext of heterosexual relatnships... The amework foc on (1) whether selectn effects produced by homophobia acunt for associatns between parental sexual orientatns and child out; (2) the role of parental genr vis-à-vis sexual orientatn fluencg children's genr velopment; and (3) the relatnship between parental sexual orientatns and children's sexual preferenc and behavrs.

The studi reviewed and the fdgs this chapter ought to be the touchstone of further theory and rearch the study of homosexualy, bee they reprent the most refully signed, reliable, valid, and objective measur of adjtment the armamentarium of the behavral scienc.

Although is clear that homosexualy is not and of self related to psychopathology, there are persistent suggtns that the particular strs endured by gay men and lbians, pecially adolcence and young adulthood, may e an upsurge attempted suici and perhaps chemil abe, perhaps temporary or perhaps a segment of homosexuals. The paper foc on (a) methodologil problems rearch on homosexualy; (b) studi parg adjtment levels of male homosexuals and male heterosexuals, effemate and noneffemate male homosexuals, and female homosexuals and female heterosexuals; (c) the relatnship between gree of homosexualy and adjtment; (d) homosexual subculture; and (e) the relatnship between homosexualy and psychopathology.