How to Wre a Gay Anthem the Right Way - Bad LGBTQ Songs by Taylor Swift, Lady Gaga, and Katy Perry</tle><meta name="tle" ntent="How to Wre a Gay Anthem the Right Way - Bad LGBTQ Songs by Taylor Swift, Lady Gaga, and Katy Perry" /><meta name="scriptn" ntent="Attemptg to wre a gay anthem 2019 reeks of sweat and substandard self-awarens. Here's why artists like Taylor Swift, Katy Perry, and others need some lsons on the right way to wre a song celebratg the LGBTQ muny." /><meta name="keywords" ntent /><meta property="og:type" ntent="webse" /><meta name="theme-lor" ntent="#000000" /><lk href="/_assets/sign-tokens/quire/static/imag/" rel="in" /><meta property="og:se_name" ntent="Esquire" /><meta name="fb:app_id" ntent="171874009543995" property="fb:app_id" /><meta name="article:publisher" ntent=" property="article:publisher" /><meta name="fb:pag" ntent="84169421673" property="fb:pag" /><meta name="twter:se" ntent="@Esquire" /><meta name="google-se-verifitn" ntent="1vf5i9wM7chlCFc_0XI_e-oCfDf4sEvp32sTGKokQ" /><meta property="og:tle" ntent="No Sha, But There’s a Wrong Way to Make a Gay Anthem" /><meta property="og:scriptn" ntent="Thanks Taylor Swift, but ... like, n you jt not?" /><meta name="robots" ntent="max-image-preview:large,max-snippet:-1,max-vio-preview:30" /><lk rel="apple-touch-in" href="/_assets/sign-tokens/quire/static/imag/" /><meta property="og:image" ntent="" /><meta property="og:image:width" ntent="1200" /><meta property="og:image:height" ntent="600" /><meta name="thumbnail" ntent="" /><meta name="" ntent="" /><meta name="" ntent=" /><meta name="twter:image" ntent="" /><meta ntent=" property="og:url" /><meta name="to-publish" ntent="timely" /><meta property="og:type" ntent="article" /><meta name="twter:rd" ntent="summary_large_image" /><meta name="article:opn" property="article:opn" /><meta ntent="Mic" property="article:sectn" /><meta ntent="2022-04-18T16:41:13Z" property="article:modified_time" /><meta ntent="2019-06-15T11:00:00Z" property="article:published_time" /><meta name="sailth.excerpt" ntent="Last night, Taylor Swift gave a gift to her queer fan base the form of a summertime gay anthem lled “You Need To Calm Down,” and on behalf of a grateful muny, I mt say: thank you, Taylor! Also: is there any chance you kept a receipt? 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href="/entertament/mic/a28038812/why-some-gay-songs-anthems-bad/" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Breadcmbs" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="No Sha, But There’s a Wrong Way to Make a Gay Anthem" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" class="e9l0kn00 css-10asp0m e1c1bym14"><span emProp="name">No Sha, But There’s a Wrong Way to Make a Gay Anthem</span></a><meta emProp="posn" ntent="3" /></li></ol></nav><style data-emotn="css g4r5va">{font-fay:Glanz,Glanz-fallback,Tim,Serif;font-weight:normal;grid-lumn:1/-1;marg-bottom:0.9375rem;marg-top:0.9375rem;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:2rem;le-height:1.25;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:2.625rem;le-height:1.1;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:3.125rem;le-height:1.1;}}@media(m-width: 73.75rem){{font-size:3.37499rem;le-height:1.1;}}</style><h1 class="css-g4r5va exadjwu10"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p0"></span>No Sha, But There’s a Wrong Way to Make a Gay Anthem<span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></h1><style data-emotn="css 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64rem){{font-size:0.75rem;le-height:1.3;}}</style><time class="css-1bcsdhu exadjwu6">Published: Jun 15, 2019</time></addrs></div><style data-emotn="css wkpw2c">{display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-webk-flex-directn:lumn;-ms-flex-directn:lumn;flex-directn:lumn;-webk-box-pack:center;-ms-flex-pack:center;-webk-jtify-ntent:center;jtify-ntent:center;-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;}</style><div class="no-prt css-wkpw2c exadjwu15"><style data-emotn="css 1hpjtwr">{display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;posn:relative;marg-top:0.9375rem;}</style><div class="ntent-hear-actns css-1hpjtwr exadjwu14"><style data-emotn="css 1mi99c5">{background-lor:#FF3A30;lor:#000000;borr:th solid 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61.25rem){{paddg-left:0rem;paddg-right:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 73.75rem) and (max-width: 100rem){{paddg-left:0rem;paddg-right:0rem;}}@media(m-width: 90rem){{paddg-left:0rem;paddg-right:0rem;}} em{font-style:alic;font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;} strong{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-weight:bold;}{clear:both;ntent:" ";display:block;font-size:0.7rem;le-height:1.5rem;height:0rem;visibily:hidn;}</style><div class="article-body-ntent article-body standard-body-ntent css-woto36 ewisyje7"><style data-emotn="css am5pt0">{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:1.1875rem;le-height:1.6;}{float:left;text-transform:upperse;font-weight:bold;marg-right:0.9375rem;marg-bottom:-0.625rem;marg-top:0;}{font-fay:Glanz,Glanz-fallback,Tim,Serif;font-size:6.25rem;font-weight:normal;le-height:0.75;marg-right:0;paddg:0.6rem 0.75rem 0 0;}@-moz-document url-prefix(){{marg-top:0.625rem;}}@media(max-width: 48rem){{marg-right:0.3125rem;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{le-height:0.75;}} strong{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-weight:bold;} em{font-style:alic;font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;}</style><p data-no-id="0" class="body-dropp css-am5pt0 et3p2gv0">Last night, <style data-emotn="css umdwtv">{-webk-text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn-thickns:.0625rem;text-ratn-lor:#FF3A30;text-unrle-offset:0.25rem;lor:her;-webk-transn:background 0.4s;transn:background 0.4s;background:lear-gradient(#ffffff, #ffffff 50%, #d5dbe3 50%, #d5dbe3);-webk-background-size:100% 200%;background-size:100% 200%;}{lor:#000000;text-ratn-lor:borr-lk-body-hover;-webk-background-posn:100% 100%;background-posn:100% 100%;}</style><a href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="Taylor Swift gave a gift to her queer fan base" class="body-lk css-umdwtv et3p2gv0">Taylor Swift gave a gift to her queer fan base</a> the form of a summertime gay anthem lled “You Need To Calm Down,” and on behalf of a grateful muny, I mt say: <em>thank you, Taylor!</em> </p><style data-emotn="css aeyldl">{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:1.1875rem;le-height:1.6;} strong{font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-weight:bold;} em{font-style:alic;font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;}</style><p data-no-id="1" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Also: <em>is there any chance you kept a receipt?</em> </p><p data-no-id="2" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Please unrstand: I appreciate the effort. Like God Herself, I love a trier. It is a thrillg and still somewhat new experience to be part of the textual narrative pop mic, and I am lighted for the young queer kid who’s hearg the song and feelg seen, supported and nourished for the first time. It’s important! And the song has already lodged self my ontal lobe and kicked both of those new Bon Iver songs out of their seats. Between “Calm Down,” Katy Perry's “Never Really Over,” and the whole new Carly Rae Jepsen album, the 2019 pop sound palette seems to be “<a href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="the Fletch soundtrack" class="body-lk css-umdwtv et3p2gv0">the Fletch soundtrack</a>,” and I am all the way here for . I will hear “Calm Down” at pool parti this summer, and I will sg along. It is nice. </p><div supprsHydratnWarng data-no-id="3" data-embed="edorial-lk" class="embed css-0 e9hzx6g0"><style data-emotn="css 1643r8a">{borr:none;marg-top:1.875rem;marg-bottom:1.875rem;paddg:0rem;}</style><asi class="css-1643r8a e6pr2lz5"><style data-emotn="css l3w2xc">{display:le-block;font-weight:normal;marg:0rem;borr-top:0.25rem solid #15263D;paddg-right:1.1rem;paddg-top:0.4375rem;text-transform:lowerse;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:0.875rem;le-height:1.3;}</style><h6 class="css-l3w2xc e6pr2lz3"><style data-emotn="css 156fvc1">{borr-bottom:0.4375rem solid #FF3A30;borr-right:0.4375rem solid transparent;ntent:'';display:le-block;height:0;marg-right:0.5rem;width:0;}</style><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-156fvc1 eagam8p0"></span><style data-emotn="css 8lle59">{max-width:lc(100% - 120px - .625rem);}</style><span class="css-8lle59 e6pr2lz1">Related Story</span><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></h6><style data-emotn="css c4s2gi">{paddg:0rem;marg:0rem;list-style:none;}</style><ul class="css-c4s2gi e6pr2lz4"><style data-emotn="css 79zw4t">{font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:1rem;le-height:2rem;paddg-top:0.625rem;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:0.9375rem;le-height:1.3;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{le-height:1.4;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{le-height:1.4;}} a{-webk-text-ratn:none;text-ratn:none;lor:her;-webk-transn:all 0.3s ease--out;transn:all 0.3s ease--out;} a:hover{lor:#595959;}</style><li class="css-79zw4t e6pr2lz2"><style data-emotn="css 1bn7a5e">{-webk-text-ratn:none;text-ratn:none;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-webk-box-flex-wrap:wrap;-webk-flex-wrap:wrap;-ms-flex-wrap:wrap;flex-wrap:wrap;-webk-flex-directn:row;-ms-flex-directn:row;flex-directn:row;-webk-box-pack:start;-ms-flex-pack:start;-webk-jtify-ntent:flex-start;jtify-ntent:flex-start;-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;}</style><a href="/entertament/mic/a28034262/taylor-swift-you-need-to-lm-down-lgbtq-lyrics/" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="Taylor Swift Miss the Pot of Beg an Ally" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Edorial Lks" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" class="css-1bn7a5e e1c1bym14"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p0"></span><style data-emotn="css 1l0u1">{marg-right:0.625rem;height:to;}</style><img src="" alt="Performance, Entertament, Stage, Performg arts, Performance art, Dancer, Event, Public event, Fashn, Concert, " tle="Performance, Entertament, Stage, Performg arts, Performance art, Dancer, Event, Public event, Fashn, Concert, " width="120" height="100%" dg="async" loadg="lazy" image-align="left" class="css-1l0u1 e6pr2lz0" /><span class="css-8lle59 e6pr2lz1">Taylor Swift Miss the Pot of Beg an Ally</span><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></a></li></ul></asi></div><p data-no-id="4" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">But attemptg to wre a gay anthem 2019 reeks of sweat and substandard self-awarens. The classics of the past— your “I Will Survive,” your “It’s Rag Men,” your “Pull Up To The Bumper”— they gave our gayns directly. They were anthems of strength, of perseverance, of pla, joyo horns, served up virly, the way had to be done back then. The sgers, always women, almost always black, were our stand-s. We found the songs and ma them ours. The days, LGBTQ wokens is a box to check off a marketg plan, and when there are perfectly pable queer artists out there, stg down as a straight person and settg out to wre a gay anthem is very much like tryg to give yourself a nickname. </p><style data-emotn="css 8c6v">{posn:absolute;left:-10000px;top:to;width:1px;height:1px;overflow:hidn;}</style><div data-ad-exclu class="css-8c6v ehha8ut0">This ntent is imported om youTube. 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Eher say YAAS 50 tim a mute or risk bummg alli out! (What’s that? You’re the age of most pop mic nsumers, which is </em><strong><em>young</em></strong><em>, and beg openly gay n get you bullied or kicked out of your hoe? Whatever; look, here’s my head on a motorcycle.) </em>It is the thought that unts, I gus, but if your thought is that beg gay is like beg Lebane, maybe you aren’t fished thkg.</p><p data-no-id="7" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0"><a href=" target="_blank" data-vars-ga-outbound-lk=" data-vars-ga-ux-element="Hyperlk" data-vars-ga-ll-to-actn="The trouble “Calm Down” the send verse" class="body-lk css-umdwtv et3p2gv0">The trouble “Calm Down” the send verse</a>, when Swift shifts her foc om Twter trolls to homophob. “Why be mad,” she asks, “when you uld be glad?” In the lyric vio, that fal word rri a silent A, and look: is absolutely possible that her origal lyril tentn was to specifilly name-check GLAAD. The le mak a lot of sense when you read that way: “Why be unhappy when you uld be an LGBTQ media-monorg non-prof?” Aga, if gets one kid to Google GLAAD and see reprentatn, ’s a posive, but also, you know, <em>clunk</em>. (Pl, have you ever read one of GLAAD’s Stud Rponsibily Inx reports? They are generally <em>not the breezit</em>.) </p><div data-ad-exclu class="css-8c6v ehha8ut0">This ntent is imported om youTube. You may be able to fd the same ntent another format, or you may be able to fd more rmatn, at their web se.</div><div data-embed="youtube" data-no-id="8" class="embed align-center css-9angbx exa3d2e3"><div class="css-79elbk exa3d2e2"><div class="css-b0nlql exa3d2e1"></div><div class="css-8vvrvc exa3d2e0"></div><a target="_blank" rel="noopener" aria-label="Watch on YouTube" href=" class="exa3d2e5 css-1exe7l8 e1c1bym14"><span>Watch on</span><img data-dynamic-svg src="/_assets/sign-tokens/e/static/ins/social/" loadg="lazy" alt="Watch on YouTube" width="to" height="to" class="css-49nnnm exa3d2e4" /></a><div class="css-1uds6oo e1f7ylgd6"><button aria-label="Play Vio" class="css-1vn4202 e1f7ylgd0"><img data-dynamic-svg src="/_assets/sign-tokens/e/static/ins/social/;sendary=%2523ffffff" loadg="lazy" alt="youtube in" width="68" height="68" class="css-a0gows e1f7ylgd3" /></button><img alt="This is an image" tle="Vio player poster image" loadg="lazy" width="2000" height="1000" dg="async" data-nimg="1" style="lor: transparent; width: 100%; height: to;" siz="100vw" srcSet=" 640w, 980w, 1120w, 1200w, 1920w" src="" class="e1f7ylgd5 css-g939jb exi4f7p0" /></div></div></div><p data-no-id="9" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Much more troublg is the send pre-chos, which attempts to reason wh a shoutg homophobe thly: “Take several seats and try to rtore the peace/Control your urg to scream about all the people you hate/‘Cse sha never ma anybody ls gay.” Well, I am here to tell you that sha has ma a <em>lot</em> of people a <em>lot</em> ls gay. The homophobia that is at the root of our culture ti young queers up knots that take s to untie. If “you will spend eterny Hell for your sexual orientatn,” or “God hat fags,” or even “don’t behave that way, son, you’re embarrassg me,” are exampl of sha, jt like a well-timed zger about a pair of pumps that don’t match a drs, sha has actually ma a lot of people a lot ls <em>alive</em>. It serv a more thoughtful analysis than a throwaway le your song about people beg mean to you on Twter, five sends before the le where you image me a gown. </p><p data-no-id="10" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">(Also, and now I’m jt beg npicky but I’m on a roll, “take <em>several</em> seats,” like “take wh a <em>huge</em> gra of salt,” explicly ntradicts the meang of the exprsn attempts to tensify. The are creepg to our vernacular unexamed, and mt stop here.)</p><style data-emotn="css 1u2hsbb">{posn:relative;paddg-bottom:56.25%;} .e1c5ygqq0{posn:absolute;top:0rem;left:0rem;width:100%;height:100%;}</style><div data-embed="iame" data-no-id="11" class="embed align-center css-1u2hsbb e1c5ygqq1"><div data-ad-exclu class="css-8c6v ehha8ut0">This ntent is imported om Third party. You may be able to fd the same ntent another format, or you may be able to fd more rmatn, at their web se.</div><div data-embed class="embed css-0 ektkw391"><style data-emotn="css 1d3w5wq">{width:100%;}</style><div height="288" class="css-1d3w5wq ektkw390"></div><style data-emotn="css 11gaeat">{borr:none;overflow:hidn;}</style><iame ameBorr="0" allowFullScreen="te" height="288" width="100%" aria-hidn="te" data-src="//" class=" e1c5ygqq0 lazyload css-11gaeat ektkw392"></iame></div></div><p data-no-id="12" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">In the pantheon of gay anthems, I’m puttg “Calm Down” right alongsi “My Brother’s Gay (And That’s Okay!)” om Chris Kelly and Sarah Schneir’s brilliant Comedy Central show <em>The Other Two</em>. In , young pop sensatn ChaseDreams releas a song celebratg his brother’s homosexualy a way that is scere, supportive, and terrifygly unterproductive: “The way that he acts, the way that he talks, the way that he lghs and the way that he walks,” ChaseDreams sgs, and then jt when you (and his brother Cary, still so poorly self-actualized he’s settlg for blowg his straight roommate) are ready for him to stop, he ntu: “the way that he ns, how he mov his hands, he’s gay even when he jt ss or he stands.” Any gay person who spent their adolcence policg every word, step, giggle and gticulatn—which is every gay person—felt the burn. The very thgs you’re still stgglg to love about yourself, packaged and sold as a marketg gimmick for a straight person. Many a tth has been told jt. </p><div data-ad-exclu class="css-8c6v ehha8ut0">This ntent is imported om youTube. You may be able to fd the same ntent another format, or you may be able to fd more rmatn, at their web se.</div><div data-embed="youtube" data-no-id="13" class="embed align-center css-9angbx exa3d2e3"><div class="css-79elbk exa3d2e2"><div class="css-b0nlql exa3d2e1"></div><div class="css-8vvrvc exa3d2e0"></div><a target="_blank" rel="noopener" aria-label="Watch on YouTube" href=" class="exa3d2e5 css-1exe7l8 e1c1bym14"><span>Watch on</span><img data-dynamic-svg src="/_assets/sign-tokens/e/static/ins/social/" loadg="lazy" alt="Watch on YouTube" width="to" height="to" class="css-49nnnm exa3d2e4" /></a><div class="css-1uds6oo e1f7ylgd6"><button aria-label="Play Vio" class="css-1vn4202 e1f7ylgd0"><img data-dynamic-svg src="/_assets/sign-tokens/e/static/ins/social/;sendary=%2523ffffff" loadg="lazy" alt="youtube in" width="68" height="68" class="css-a0gows e1f7ylgd3" /></button><img alt="This is an image" tle="Vio player poster image" loadg="lazy" width="2000" height="1000" dg="async" data-nimg="1" style="lor: transparent; width: 100%; height: to;" siz="100vw" srcSet=" 640w, 980w, 1120w, 1200w, 1920w" src="" class="e1f7ylgd5 css-g939jb exi4f7p0" /></div></div></div><p data-no-id="14" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Speakg of which, all this is happeng when the ’s gay anthem has already arrived, and ’s lled “The Joke." Brandi Carlile dropped on last year, and is suffed wh the ache of a lifetime of beg told you are a ltle b shameful at bt, and doomed at the worst. “You’re feelg nervo, aren’t you, boy? Wh your quiet voice and impecble style…I see you tuggg on your shirt, tryg to hi si of , hi how much hurts.” There is triumph the chos (“Let ‘em lgh while they n…I have been to the movi, and I see how ends: the joke’s on them”) and bee the vers lay out wh vastatg clary jt how much ls gay—and happy, and proud—sha mak a person, the triumph is earned. Can’t we jt do one good remix of “The Joke” and ll a day? </p><p data-no-id="15" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">A gay anthem is absolutely still possible, but now that gay people are dog for themselv, whout direct reprentatn or d language, maybe the role of an ally is to take a seat (aga, <em>jt the one!</em>) and let them.</p><div data-ad-exclu class="css-8c6v ehha8ut0">This ntent is imported om youTube. You may be able to fd the same ntent another format, or you may be able to fd more rmatn, at their web se.</div><div data-embed="youtube" data-no-id="16" class="embed align-center css-9angbx exa3d2e3"><div class="css-79elbk exa3d2e2"><div class="css-b0nlql exa3d2e1"></div><div class="css-8vvrvc exa3d2e0"></div><a target="_blank" rel="noopener" aria-label="Watch on YouTube" href=" class="exa3d2e5 css-1exe7l8 e1c1bym14"><span>Watch on</span><img data-dynamic-svg src="/_assets/sign-tokens/e/static/ins/social/" loadg="lazy" alt="Watch on YouTube" width="to" height="to" class="css-49nnnm exa3d2e4" /></a><div class="css-1uds6oo e1f7ylgd6"><button aria-label="Play Vio" class="css-1vn4202 e1f7ylgd0"><img data-dynamic-svg src="/_assets/sign-tokens/e/static/ins/social/;sendary=%2523ffffff" loadg="lazy" alt="youtube in" width="68" height="68" class="css-a0gows e1f7ylgd3" /></button><img alt="This is an image" tle="Vio player poster image" loadg="lazy" width="2000" height="1000" dg="async" data-nimg="1" style="lor: transparent; width: 100%; height: to;" siz="100vw" srcSet=" 640w, 980w, 1120w, 1200w, 1920w" src="" class="e1f7ylgd5 css-g939jb exi4f7p0" /></div></div></div><p data-no-id="17" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Taylor Swift has donated money to LGBTQ+ , and wrten an important letter to Lamar Alexanr, and I thank her for all of . But we are still at the dawn of a cultural era which queer people are able to tell their own stori. We only got Troye Sivan’s “Bloom,” our first mastream pop song about bottomg (unls you unt Toni Basil’s “Mickey”), ls than a year ago! It is an excg new time; let’s see what velops om for a moment before we shoehorn some self-servg allyship to a song about the pa of snake emojis a billnaire’s Twter mentns. </p><p data-no-id="18" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">I am aware that I am beg both a queen <em>and</em> a drag. Also, I am wrg this on a ferry to Provcetown where I am stg across om a du a GAYS FOR TRUMP t-shirt, so I know there are bigger fish to y. But “You Need To Calm Down” is ls a gay anthem than a Wells Fargo Bank tent at a Pri ftival: <em>You’re fabulo, and so is our troductory APR! </em>If “The Joke” is a gay anthem, “You Need To Calm Down” is a bachelorette party at the gay club. </p><p data-no-id="19" class="css-aeyldl et3p2gv0">Thanks for the support, thanks for g, but…like, n you jt not? </p><style data-emotn="css 2ok9l4">{marg-top:1.875rem;borr-top:th solid #595959;}</style><div data-jam-id="thor-b" class="css-2ok9l4 e13rjwo40"><style data-emotn="css f0b5z8">{display:grid;grid-template-lumns:to 1;grid-lumn-gap:0.625rem;paddg-top:1.25rem;paddg-bottom:1.25rem;clear:both;}</style><div class="css-f0b5z8 e19xk9rq8"><style data-emotn="css irehmq">{borr-radi:50%;height:60px;width:60px;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{width:40px;height:40px;}}</style><span class="css-irehmq e19xk9rq1"><style data-emotn="css o0wq4v">{width:100%;height:100%;borr-radi:50%;vertil-align:middle;object-f:ver;}</style><img src="" alt="Headshot of Dave Holm" tle="Headshot of Dave Holm" width="100%" height="100%" dg="async" loadg="lazy" class="css-o0wq4v e19xk9rq3" /></span><div><style data-emotn="css 3sqxrq">{display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;grid-gap:4px;-webk-align-ems:basele;-webk-box-align:basele;-ms-flex-align:basele;align-ems:basele;-webk-box-flex-wrap:wrap;-webk-flex-wrap:wrap;-ms-flex-wrap:wrap;flex-wrap:wrap;}</style><div class="css-3sqxrq e19xk9rq7"><span class="css-0 e19xk9rq5"><style data-emotn="css 1yunoig">{lor:#161616;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;letter-spacg:0.02rem;-webk-text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn-lor:her;text-ratn-thickns:0.0625rem;text-transform:upperse;text-unrle-offset:0.25rem;-webk-transn:all 0.3s ease--out;transn:all 0.3s ease--out;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:0.70003rem;le-height:1.4;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{font-size:0.70003rem;le-height:1.3;}}{lor:#595959;text-ratn-lor:borr-lk-body-hover;}</style><style data-emotn="css 1kgdfad">{lor:#161616;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;letter-spacg:0.02rem;text-transform:upperse;lor:#161616;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;letter-spacg:0.02rem;-webk-text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn-lor:her;text-ratn-thickns:0.0625rem;text-transform:upperse;text-unrle-offset:0.25rem;-webk-transn:all 0.3s ease--out;transn:all 0.3s ease--out;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:0.70003rem;le-height:1.4;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{font-size:0.70003rem;le-height:1.3;}}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:0.70003rem;le-height:1.4;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{font-size:0.70003rem;le-height:1.3;}}{lor:#595959;text-ratn-lor:borr-lk-body-hover;}</style><a href="/thor/9774/dave-holm/" class="e1c1bym13 css-1kgdfad e1c1bym14"><span>Dave Holm</span></a></span></div><style data-emotn="css pqlu">{lor:#161616;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;letter-spacg:0.02rem;marg-top:0.625rem;text-transform:upperse;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:0.70003rem;le-height:1.4;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{font-size:0.70003rem;le-height:1.3;}}</style><div class="css-pqlu e19xk9rq6">Edor-at-Large</div><style data-emotn="css 8u8x58">{display:-webk-box;font-fay:Charter,Geia,Tim,Serif;font-size:1rem;le-height:1.4;overflow:hidn;paddg-top:0.3125rem;-webk-box-orient:vertil;-webk-le-clamp:5;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{-webk-le-clamp:10;}}>*{display:le;} em{font-style:alic;font-fay:CharterItalic,Geia,Tim,Serif;} p{marg:0rem;} p a{-webk-text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn:unrle;text-ratn-thickns:0.0625rem;text-ratn-lor:her;text-unrle-offset:0.25rem;} p a:hover{text-ratn-lor:borr-lk-body-hover;}</style><div class="css-8u8x58 e19xk9rq4"><p>Dave Holm is Esquire's L.A.-based edor-at-large. His first book, "Party of One," is out now. </p></div></div></div></div><style data-emotn="css ciejky">{clear:both;marg-top:1.25rem;}</style><div id="journey-le" class="css-ciejky e1cslvxz0"></div><div class="css-79elbk eg8z2o90"><div class="css-79elbk e1tp40ll1"><div data-anchor-id="P0-0" class="css-0 e1tp40ll0"></div></div><style data-emotn="css hi6ssp">{display:block;grid-area:article_body;grid-lumn:article_body-start/article_body-end;grid-row:to;jtify-self:center;marg:1.25rem 0 0;}@media prt{{display:none;}}@media(max-width: 30rem){{width:100%;}}@media(max-width: 61.25rem){{m-height:28rem;}}@media(m-width: 30rem){{width:488px;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{width:612px;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{max-width:40.25rem;}}</style><div class="css-hi6ssp eg8z2o92"></div></div></div></div><div></div><style data-emotn="css 6b9rfj">{display:block;-webk-flex-basis:lc((100vw - lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem) - 1rem - 20.625rem) / 2);-ms-flex-preferred-size:lc((100vw - lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem) - 1rem - 20.625rem) / 2);flex-basis:lc((100vw - lc(20.625rem * 2 - 1rem) - 1rem - 20.625rem) / 2);-webk-box-flex:0;-webk-flex-grow:0;-ms-flex-posive:0;flex-grow:0;-webk-flex-shrk:0;-ms-flex-negative:0;flex-shrk:0;}@media(max-width: 61.25rem){{display:none;}}</style><div class="no-prt css-6b9rfj ewisyje1"><div><style data-emotn="css 1tuodqg">{width:330px;paddg-left:30px;}</style><div id="ad-article-rail-flt-wrapper" class="vertil-ad css-1tuodqg eqm02p30"><style data-emotn="css w0cuw4">{display:block;posn:-webk-sticky;posn:sticky;top:5rem;}@media(max-width: 61.25rem){{display:none;}}</style><div class="vertilAdSticky css-w0cuw4 eqm02p32"><style data-emotn="css 9fasmy">{m-height:523px;top:5rem;}@media(max-width: 61.25rem){{display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-webk-flex-directn:lumn;-ms-flex-directn:lumn;flex-directn:lumn;-webk-box-pack:jtify;-webk-jtify-ntent:space-between;jtify-ntent:space-between;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{m-height:138px;}}@media(max-width: 61.25rem){{ntent:"";display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;borr-bottom:th solid #E8E8E8;}}</style><div class="standard-article-vertil-ad css-9fasmy eqm02p31"><style data-emotn="css 14b96eg">{m-width:18.75rem;text-align:center;}</style><div id="gpt-ad-vertil-top" class="ad-ntaer css-14b96eg e1hka4w80"></div></div></div></div></div></div></div><div data-teractive="WatchNext-1" class="css-0 e10xr3vp6"><style data-emotn="css 1pqv15d">{marg-bottom:1.875rem;marg-top:1.875rem;paddg:0 0.938rem;}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{paddg:0 2.5rem;}}</style><div data-embed="watch-next" class="css-1pqv15d e10xr3vp5"><style data-emotn="css 604vx7">{text-align:center;marg:0 to;max-width:60rem;borr-top:0.125rem solid #15263D;}</style><div class="css-604vx7 e10xr3vp4"><style data-emotn="css 1sowyjy">{marg-bottom:1.25rem;}</style><div class="css-1sowyjy e10xr3vp3"><style data-emotn="css ju94x7">{marg:0rem;font-weight:normal;background-lor:#ffffff;lor:#000;borr:0.125rem solid #15263D;text-align:left;width:-webk-f-ntent;width:-moz-f-ntent;width:f-ntent;borr-radi:2rem;display:block;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:0.70028rem;le-height:1.2;letter-spacg:0.04rem;marg-top:-1rem;paddg:0.5rem 0.9375rem 0.25rem;text-transform:upperse;}</style><h6 class="css-ju94x7 e10xr3vp2"><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p0"></span><span class="css-0 e10xr3vp1">Watch Next</span><span aria-hidn="te" class="css-0 eagam8p1"></span></h6><style data-emotn="css un61">{-webk-align-ems:center;-webk-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-ems:center;display:-webk-box;display:-webk-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;font-fay:Lsanne,Lsanne-fallback,Arial,sans-serif;font-weight:normal;-webk-box-pack:center;-ms-flex-pack:center;-webk-jtify-ntent:center;jtify-ntent:center;marg:0rem;m-height:to;paddg-top:1rem;text-align:left;}@media(max-width: 48rem){{font-size:1.5rem;le-height:1.1;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{font-size:1.875rem;le-height:1.3;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{font-size:2.125rem;le-height:1.2;}}</style><h6 class="css-un61 e10xr3vp0"> </h6></div><style data-emotn="css b3y6x">{marg-bottom:0.9375rem;--aspect-rat:56.25%;} {posn:absolute;marg:0rem;}{ntent:"";display:block;height:0rem;width:100%;}@media(max-width: 30rem){{paddg-bottom:lc((45% / 1.16) + 20px + 1.66em);}}@media(m-width: 30rem) and (max-width: 48rem){{paddg-bottom:lc((45% / 1.43) + 20px + 1.66em);}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem) and (max-width: 64rem){{paddg-bottom:lc((33% / 1.40) + 20px + 1.66em);}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{paddg-bottom:lc((25% / 1.36) + 20px + 1.66em);}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{paddg-bottom:lc((25% / 1.46) + 20px + 1.66em);}}</style><div class="__rp-ntaer css-b3y6x e6l0f0"><style data-emotn="css 1yu8e3d">{marg-bottom:0.9375rem;width:100%;height:100%;} .__rp-ntaer{height:to;}</style><div data-embed="embed-vio" class="vio-player css-1yu8e3d e1ou1fny0"><div class="css-1uds6oo e1f7ylgd6"><style data-emotn="css w2pm9t">{background-lor:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.4);borr:.1875rem solid whe;borr-radi:50%;lor:#fff;cursor:poter;height:3.75rem;left:50%;posn:absolute;-webk-transform:translate(-50%,-50%);-moz-transform:translate(-50%,-50%);-ms-transform:translate(-50%,-50%);transform:translate(-50%,-50%);-webk-transn:all 0.4s;transn:all 0.4s;width:3.75rem;z-x:1;}.e1f7ylgd6:hover {background-lor:rgba(33, 150, 245, 0.8);lor:#ffffff;}@media(m-width: 20rem){{top:26%;}}@media(m-width: 30rem){{top:29.5%;}}@media(m-width: 40.625rem){{top:32.5%;}}@media(m-width: 48rem){{top:34.5%;height:5.625rem;width:5.625rem;borr:.28125rem solid whe;}}@media(m-width: 64rem){{top:35%;}}@media(m-width: 75rem){{top:35.8%;}}</style><button aria-label="Play Vio" class="css-w2pm9t e1f7ylgd1"><style data-emotn="css 1lhf7lq">{fill:#ffffff;height:1.4rem;vertil-align:middle;width:1.45rem;}@media(m-width: 48rem){{width:2.3125rem;height:3rem;}}</style><svg xmlns=" width="24" height="24" viewBox="0 0 24 24" style="fill: var(--primary, #000);" role="img" tle="Play" class="css-1lhf7lq e1f7ylgd2"><tle>play in

don't be gay song