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data-ttid="ContentHearTleBlockWrapper" class="ContentHearTleBlockWrapper-cjmSKp kWbK"><div data-ttid="ContentHearRubric" class="ContentHearRubricBlock-LmpbT dQfZLb"><div data-ttid="ContentHearRubricDateBlock" class="ContentHearRubricDateBlock-kAQcZP fTFWxD"><div class="RubricWrapper-dKmCNX cqUgpM bric ContentHearRubricContaer-eTudtt iRsSlw"><span class="RubricName-fVtemz cLxcNi">TV</span></div></div></div><h1 data-ttid="ContentHearHed" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ ContentHearHed-NCyCC iUEiRd dBIeWW kctZMs">Raise Your Hand If You’d Date Joe From <em>You.</em> You’re Not Alone</h1><span class="ContentHearContentDivir-liIxwf jCxpJX"></span></div><div class="ContentHearAccredatn-lfctVB etVsnJ ntent-hear__accredatn" data-ttid="ContentHearAccredatn"><div class="ContentHearDek-bIqFFZ ddIDdC">Women expla why they're obssed wh a guy who's supposed to be their worst nightmare.</div><div class="ContentHearByle-kmPyCa emiglw"><div class="ContentHearByleContent-dpPmNn DRFq"><div data-ttid="BylWrapper" class="BylWrapper-KIudk irTIfE byl ContentHearByl-cZqgyJ bHLeKI"><p class="ByleWrapper-jWHrLH fnINOd byle byl__byle" data-ttid="ByleWrapper" emProp="thor" emType="><span emProp="name" class="ByleNamWrapper-jbHncj fuDQVo"><span data-ttid="ByleName" class="ByleName-kwmrLn cYaBaU byle__name"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BylePreamble-iJolpQ iUEiRd dvgOmM gnILss byle__preamble">By </span><a class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BaseLk-eNWuiM ByleLk-gEnFiw iUEiRd jAcLDI rPnfn eErqIx byle__name-lk button" href="/ntributor/jenny-sger">Jenny Sger</a></span></span></p></div><time data-ttid="ContentHearPublishDate" dateTime="2020-01-17T16:30:57-05:00" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ ContentHearPublishDate-eIBicG iUEiRd cfFrRE bNphLH">January 17, 2020</time></div></div><div class="SocialInsWrapper-hKMEXV ffgPVr social-ins social-ins--standard ContentHearAccredatnSocialIns-jorO fPzfaa ntent-hear__social-share"><ul data-ttid="socialInslist" class="SocialInsList-cHVTIA ivmblD social-ins__list"></ul></div></div></div><div class="ContentHearLeadAsset-hGbumP dDDxdb lead-asset ContentHearLeadAssetWrapper-hfXHEc Grck" data-ttid="ContentHearLeadAsset"><figure class="ContentHearLeadAssetContent-kOfYSG dRGWbI"><div class="ContentHearLeadAssetContentMedia-bLEIpi jjhWdS lead-asset__ntent__photo"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW jvZaPI rponsive-asset ContentHearRponsiveAsset-bREgIb hONbnm"><div data-tt="aspect-rat-ntaer" class="AspectRatContaer-bJHpJz ccdiSo"><div class="aspect-rat--overlay-ntaer"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa ContentHearRponsiveAsset-bREgIb hONbnm rponsive-image"><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w, 960w" siz="100vw"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w, 960w, 1280w, 1600w, 1920w, 2240w" siz="100vw"/><img alt="Penn Badgley as Joe om 'You.'" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="></picture></div></div></span><div class="CaptnWrapper-jSZdqE gPFWXR ptn ContentHearLeadAssetCaptn-hPWmSN kjGvxC"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ CaptnCred-ejegDm iUEiRd qnzYb fNaHcW ptn__cred">Beth Dubber/Netflix</span></div></div></figure></div></div><asi class="PersistentAsiWrapper-VGrR oEIBz persistent-asi persistent-asi--align-left" style="posn:absolute;top:to;height:to" data-ttid="PersistentAsiWrapper"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB jNgrSF sticky-box ContentHearPersistentAsi-fsnAmQ dFzKzm"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="SocialInsWrapper-hKMEXV ffgPVr social-ins social-ins--has-background ContentHearSocialIns-jzJiyg fgMkJI social-ins--share"><ul data-ttid="socialInslist" class="SocialInsList-cHVTIA ivmblD social-ins__list"></ul></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></asi></hear></div><div data-attribute-verso-pattern="article-body" class="ArticlePageContentBackGround-cNiFNN kJkLmH article-body__ntent"><div class="ArticlePageChunksContent-etcMtP bwyLBj"><div data-ttid="ArticlePageChunks" class="ArticlePageChunks-fLyCVG eSsnKa"><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK eRggVV grid grid-margs grid-ems-0 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bDFJoo"><div class="GridItem-buujkM kHPPIF grid--em"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa dxlOSM body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><p>“How do I know you aren't a murrer?” Eva Marie-Sat’s character asks Cary Grant’s character, flirtily, the classic 1959 film <em>North By Northwt</em>. “Maybe you’re planng to murr me right here, tonight.”</p><p>Fifty-six years later on The CW’s <em><a href=">Crazy Ex Girliend</a></em>, Rachel Bloom sgs to a guy she brgs home om a bar, “Please don’t be a murrer. Pl-pl-pl-please don’t be a murrer.”</p><div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--article-mid-ntent" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--article-mid-ntent nsumer-marketg-un__slot---ntent"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><p>“He’s cute,” your iend tells you, after a promisg date wh a guy om an app/a gngy bar/a parkg lot meet-cute. “And I don’t <em>thk</em> he’s a murrer.”</p><div class="Contaer-bkChBi byNLHx"></div><p>Datg men is risky—not jt bee puttg yourself out there is hard, but bee of the possibily of vlence. Statistics prove that we aren’t jt beg paranoid: A third of women who are murred the U.S. are killed by their partner, acrdg to the <a href=">most recent available data</a> om the Center for Disease Control, and one six women experience stalkg their life. We’re remd of the stats thanks to <a href=">Hollywood’s love of ad female bodi</a>, as well as <a href=">daily headl</a> about timate partner vlence.</p><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad---ntent"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot---ntent" data-no-id="7s5dgg"></div></div><p>So when some women exprs enthiasm for datg a <em>leral</em> murro stalker, ’s…plited.</p><div aria-label="social media post" class="TwterEmbedContaer-ggEzfU fHwbKp"><div class="MsageBannerWrapper-krrtvl fNebzB ConsentBannerWrapper-bMdLtU WTFWJ" data-ttid="msage-banner"><div class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ MsageBannerContent-gLUJfX iUEiRd hMrdSt bidFWt"><h4 class="ConsentBannerTle-lgaGAH gOfech">Twter ntent</h4><p>This ntent n also be viewed on the se <a href=" target="_blank" rel="nofollow noreferrer" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BaseLk-eNWuiM ConsentBannerLk-dJZMSz iUEiRd hMrdSt fPXmBe">origat</a> om.</p></div></div></div><div aria-label="social media post" class="TwterEmbedContaer-ggEzfU fHwbKp"><div class="MsageBannerWrapper-krrtvl fNebzB ConsentBannerWrapper-bMdLtU WTFWJ" data-ttid="msage-banner"><div class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ MsageBannerContent-gLUJfX iUEiRd hMrdSt bidFWt"><h4 class="ConsentBannerTle-lgaGAH gOfech">Twter ntent</h4><p>This ntent n also be viewed on the se <a href=" target="_blank" rel="nofollow noreferrer" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BaseLk-eNWuiM ConsentBannerLk-dJZMSz iUEiRd hMrdSt fPXmBe">origat</a> om.</p></div></div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan full-bleed-ad row-mid-ntent-ad"><div class="StickyMidContentAdWrapper-fSBzwl drzyIa ad-stickymidntent"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--mid-ntent should-hold-space"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--mid-ntent" data-no-id="um3nxc"></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK eRggVV grid grid-margs grid-ems-0 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bDFJoo"><div class="GridItem-buujkM kHPPIF grid--em"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa dxlOSM body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><div aria-label="social media post" class="TwterEmbedContaer-ggEzfU fHwbKp"><div class="MsageBannerWrapper-krrtvl fNebzB ConsentBannerWrapper-bMdLtU WTFWJ" data-ttid="msage-banner"><div class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ MsageBannerContent-gLUJfX iUEiRd hMrdSt bidFWt"><h4 class="ConsentBannerTle-lgaGAH gOfech">Twter ntent</h4><p>This ntent n also be viewed on the se <a href=" target="_blank" rel="nofollow noreferrer" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BaseLk-eNWuiM ConsentBannerLk-dJZMSz iUEiRd hMrdSt fPXmBe">origat</a> om.</p></div></div></div><p>You probably already know the murro stalker qutn: Penn Badgley’s exquisely sculpted, hot-even-for-TV character, <a href=">Joe Goldberg</a>. He’s the protagonist of <em><a href=">You</a></em>, Netflix’s surprise streamg succs based on books of the same name by Carole Kepn. Joe fixat on betiful (whe, mostly) women, murrg everyone who gets his way and— the first season—he murrs the woman he “lov” too.</p><div data-attr-viewport-monor="le-recirc" class="le-recirc-wrapper le-recirc-observer-target-1 viewport-monor-anchor"></div><p>“We all know Joe’s a bad guy, on paper,” says Holly, a 35-year-old gut experience manager and fan of <em>You</em>. “But there’s somethg about his sire to jt love and be loved that I thk people relate to.” (For the rerd, Holly wouldn’t go out wh Joe: “Although he’d be hard to turn down.”)</p><p>People do seem to relate to Joe. After the first season—which origally aired on Lifetime and then moved to Netflix—the streamg service <a href=">reported</a> that 40 ln viewers watched at least 70% of an episo. The send season was released on December 26 and has already been renewed for a third season. A <em>You</em> fan group I joed on Facebook has jt unr 40,000 members. They tra theori, share <em>You</em> mem, and llectively wa for <a href=">season three</a> to arrive. On January 14, one er posted a discsn qutn: “Who here would date a Joe?”</p><figure class="AssetEmbedWrapper-eVDQiB byBkf asset-embed"><div class="AssetEmbedAssetContaer-eJxoAx dBHGoQ asset-embed__asset-ntaer"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW kGxnNB rponsive-asset AssetEmbedRponsiveAsset-cXBNxi eCxVQK asset-embed__rponsive-asset"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa AssetEmbedRponsiveAsset-cXBNxi eCxVQK asset-embed__rponsive-asset rponsive-image"><noscript><img alt="Penn Badgley as Joe Goldberg You" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src=" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w, 960w, 1280w, 1600w" siz="100vw"/></noscript></picture></span></div><div class="CaptnWrapper-jSZdqE gPFWXR ptn AssetEmbedCaptn-fNQBPI cbKNQD asset-embed__ptn"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ CaptnText-bHjzlu iUEiRd cDlsmo iXWezO ptn__text">Penn Badgley, as Joe Goldberg <em>You</em></span><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ CaptnCred-ejegDm iUEiRd qnzYb fNaHcW ptn__cred">Tyler Goln/Netflix</span></div></figure></div></div></div></div><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan full-bleed-ad row-mid-ntent-ad"><div class="StickyMidContentAdWrapper-fSBzwl drzyIa ad-stickymidntent"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--mid-ntent should-hold-space"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--mid-ntent" data-no-id="b93ou5"></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK eRggVV grid grid-margs grid-ems-0 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bDFJoo"><div class="GridItem-buujkM kHPPIF grid--em"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa dxlOSM body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><p>The nearly 600 rpons me mostly om women. Many of them—at least a few hundred—said y. I asked them why.</p><p>“Bee he is so attentive, lovg, and rg,” Kisha, a 44-year-old wrer, tells me. “Joe wanted love return, but I would be fully aware that if I did not appreciate him, I was gog to end up a ge or ,” she says.</p><p>“He has a backstory,” she adds. “And like they say hurt people hurt people.”</p><p>“I would fely go out wh him,” says Shymaa, a 21-year-old bs stunt. “He’s my type…whout the murrg part.” The show, she says, “fulfills my fantasi.” A hot person beg obssed wh you is a fantasy that has, probably, equal purchase wh people of all genrs. Even though <em>You</em> attempts a stark prentatn of how dangero that fantasy n be realy, some women weren’t fooled—there’s no nyg elements of fantasy the hot actor, gleamg Los Angel scenery, and even the ia that somebody is always thkg about you.</p><p>Badgley himself <a href=">has ma a hab</a> over the past year of railg agast the ia that his character is lovable, or that Joe’s better quali n be separated om “the murrer part.”</p><p>“Joe is not actually lookg for te love,” he <a href=">told</a> <em>Entertament Weekly</em>. “He’s not actually a person who jt needs somebody who lov him. He’s a murrer! He’s a socpath. He’s abive. He’s lnal. And he’s self-obssed. You n’t fool yourself to thkg that he jt needs somebody who’s right for him. Nobody’s right for him!”</p><div data-attr-viewport-monor="le-recirc" class="le-recirc-wrapper le-recirc-observer-target-2 viewport-monor-anchor"></div><p>But not everyone se his character that way.</p><p>“Joe is a murrer, but everythg is plited,” said Alexandra, a 32-year-old artist and the owner of an art stud. If she didn’t know about his “ep secrets and obssns,” she says, “I would fely stay wh him forever.”</p><p>“Who will reject unndnal love?” she adds.</p><p>On the show, Joe’s “unndnal love” has him followg women, masturbatg outsi their wdows, breakg to their hom, hidg their showers, attemptg to bury them alive, killg their iends and fay members, cleang blood out of a Roomba, and y, gazg adorgly at them. Sure, plenty of women who mented sayg they would date Joe are at least half jokg, but they were also scribg a kd of fantasy. The women I talked to didn’t seem nfed about whether or not datg a murrer would be fun—obvly, nobody wants to be murred. They jt seemed willg to evaluate his character holistilly, and to selectively exame his more posive tras.</p></div></div></div></div><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa lfqRMn body ArticlePageBodyGridContaer-jrMoA-d xjuw body__grid-ntaer" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div data-ttid="feature-large-llout" class="CalloutFeatureLargeWrapper-cGjDsT jUIzyz"><figure class="AssetEmbedWrapper-eVDQiB byBkf asset-embed"><div class="AssetEmbedAssetContaer-eJxoAx dBHGoQ asset-embed__asset-ntaer"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW kGxnNB rponsive-asset AssetEmbedRponsiveAsset-cXBNxi eCxVQK asset-embed__rponsive-asset"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa AssetEmbedRponsiveAsset-cXBNxi eCxVQK asset-embed__rponsive-asset rponsive-image"><noscript><img alt="Penn Badgley as Joe You" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src=" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w, 960w, 1280w, 1600w" siz="100vw"/></noscript></picture></span></div><div class="CaptnWrapper-jSZdqE gPFWXR ptn AssetEmbedCaptn-fNQBPI cbKNQD asset-embed__ptn"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ CaptnText-bHjzlu iUEiRd cDlsmo iXWezO ptn__text">Penn Badgley as Joe <em>You</em></span><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ CaptnCred-ejegDm iUEiRd qnzYb fNaHcW ptn__cred">Beth Dubber/Netflix</span></div></figure></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK eRggVV grid grid-margs grid-ems-0 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bDFJoo"><div class="GridItem-buujkM kHPPIF grid--em"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa dxlOSM body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><p>Brtani, a 30-year-old nurse, says she would “absolutely not” go out wh Joe. (“He murrs people at the drop of a hat. No thank you.”) But she says she enjoys hearg his ner monologue and “btally hont” opns. “I also admire how smart and anized he n be,” she says. Other women scribe Joe as “sexy” and “ready to do anythg for loved on,” even knowg what they know about the character.</p></div></div></div></div><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan full-bleed-ad row-mid-ntent-ad"><div class="StickyMidContentAdWrapper-fSBzwl drzyIa ad-stickymidntent"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--mid-ntent should-hold-space"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--mid-ntent" data-no-id="d2qxzo"></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK eRggVV grid grid-margs grid-ems-0 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bDFJoo"><div class="GridItem-buujkM kHPPIF grid--em"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa dxlOSM body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><p>And many women say that Joe remds them of men they’ve already dated, who they scribe as stalkers and abers. One woman I spoke to said of Joe, “Knowg what I know, I wouldn't even look [Joe’s] way. I wouldn't even want to associate wh him for fear of not only my life but anyone I know as well.”</p><p>“I've had many men bee obssed wh me my lifetime and 's not fun,” she says. “In fact, n turn sry real quick!” The men, she says, “go to extreme lengths” to keep other people om beg close to you. “Maybe [they haven’t] killed anyone a leral sense, but they slowly kill who you are and your other relatnships,” she says.</p><p>Another <em>You</em> fan I terviewed spoke about how she’s currently rensirg her relatnship wh her hband, who she says exhibed “siar behavral tras” to Joe at the begng of their relatnship.</p><div data-attr-viewport-monor="le-recirc" class="le-recirc-wrapper le-recirc-observer-target-3 viewport-monor-anchor"></div><p>“The wrer was brilliant makg the character Joe,” she says. “They ma him exhib loyal behavrs most women—or men, for that matter—long for a self-absorbed world. People jtify Joe's wrongdog bee ’s morally tertwed wh a jtified feelg om their perspective.”</p><le-embed name="medium" attrs="[object Object]" childTyp="image" hasProducts="false" ntentType="llout:medium"><figure class="AssetEmbedWrapper-eVDQiB byBkf asset-embed"><div class="AssetEmbedAssetContaer-eJxoAx dBHGoQ asset-embed__asset-ntaer"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW kGxnNB rponsive-asset AssetEmbedRponsiveAsset-cXBNxi eCxVQK asset-embed__rponsive-asset"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa AssetEmbedRponsiveAsset-cXBNxi eCxVQK asset-embed__rponsive-asset rponsive-image"><noscript><img alt="Penn Badgley as Joe Goldberg on You" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src=" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w, 960w, 1280w, 1600w" siz="100vw"/></noscript></picture></span></div><div class="CaptnWrapper-jSZdqE gPFWXR ptn AssetEmbedCaptn-fNQBPI cbKNQD asset-embed__ptn"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ CaptnText-bHjzlu iUEiRd cDlsmo iXWezO ptn__text">Penn Badgley as Joe <em>You</em></span><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ CaptnCred-ejegDm iUEiRd qnzYb fNaHcW ptn__cred">Beth Dubber/Netflix</span></div></figure></le-embed><p>Shymaa agre. “The wrer gave people what they wanna see themselv,” she says. “It’s a crimal reflectn of most people’s te selv...pecially women. I mean, don’t we jt love ‘light stalkg’ our partners sometim?” To many people, intifyg wh the characters on the show, and particularly ltg after Joe, is crazy. But a lot of female fans ma clear that they are able to see even the bloodit storyl as allegoril, even while acknowledgg that those same storyl (stalkg, killg, sex crim), however dramatized on <em>You</em>, are very real threats their liv.</p><p>Watchg their own worst nightmar e te onscreen—the same way huge numbers of women vour <a data-offer-url=" class="external-lk" data-event-click="{"element":"ExternalLk","outgogURL":"" href=" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">te-crime podsts</a> and bge <a href="><em>SVU</em> episos</a>—is how women have always experienced entertament. At least, many seem to be sayg, let the ma up perpetrator be really, really hot.</p><p>Badgley has <a href=">claimed</a> that tert Joe, tert even <em>You</em>, is a sign of our own moral rptn. “In a more jt society, we would all see Joe as problematic and not be terted the show, but that’s not the society we live ,” he said.</p><p>But the women who profsed love and sire for Joe seem perfectly aware that he’s problematic. They’re ed to problematic men. They’re ed to riskg vlence when they go on dat.</p><p>They’re chasg sire an unjt world. An anavr, <a href=">as the show puts </a>—a twisted, backward, nirvana.</p><p><em>Jenny Sger is a staff wrer for</em> Glamour. <em>Follow her on Twter <a data-offer-url=" class="external-lk" data-event-click="{"element":"ExternalLk","outgogURL":"" href=" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">@JeanValjenny</a>.</em></p><figure class="CneVioEmbedFigure-kCfJjN hdJOda e-vio-embed"><div data-ttid="script-ntaer"></div></figure><div id="stylics-marker"></div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK eRggVV grid grid-margs grid-ems-0 PaywallInleBarrierWhWrapperGrid-fyrGfS jyGBoi"><div class="GridItem-buujkM kHPPIF grid--em"><div class="body body__le-barrier article__body article__body--grid-margs"><div class="ntaer ntaer--body"><div class="ntaer--body-ner"><asi class="PaywallInleBarrierWrapper-iBnuqk lfXXa-D" data-ttid="PaywallInleBarrierWrapper"><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--paywall-le-barrier" 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MASCULY LOST: WHY “YOU” VIEWERS ARE ATTRACTED TO JOE GOLDBERGMIKE HARLOW·FOLLOW7 M READ·JAN 5, 2020--4LISTENSHAREOUR CULTURE’S LACK OF MASCULY AND ROMANCE ARE G SGLE LENNIALS TO LOOK FOR SOME VERY ODD PLAC.BRG ME THE DAYS WHEN A MAN WOULD RI HORSEBACK FOR HOURS JT TO S BI A WOMAN FOR TEA, WHOUT THE PROMISE OF A GRAZE OF A SGLE FGER” -JOE GOLDBERG, YOU“YOU” IS NETFLIX’S SMASH H SERI — BASILLY A GENR-SWAPPED FATAL ATTRACTN FOR THE DIGAL AGE. YOU’S LEAD BUNNY BOILER IS JOE GOLDBERG, PLAYED WH SMOLRG PSYCHOSIS BY PENN BADGLEY. JOE STALKS, HE SCHEM, HE KILLS — HE READS!UPON BGEG EPISO AFTER EPISO, I BEGAN TO REALIZE I WAS SWOONG FOR THIS NUTBAG OF A CHARACTER. APPARENTLY MANY VIEWERS WERE HAVG THE SAME REACTN — TO THE EXTENT THAT BADGLEY HAD TO RELEASE STATEMENT AFTER STATEMENT SAYG “DON’T BE ATTRACTED TO JOE!”I BEGAN THKG ABOUT WHY LNS OF WOMEN (AND GAY MEN…) WOULD BE SO ATTRACTED TO SOMEONE SO MURY. WHILE SCROLLG THROUGH TR ONE NIGHT, THE ANSWER DAWNED ON ME — FOR MANY SGLE LENNIALS, JOE IS A MAJOR STEP UP OM THE GUYS WE ENUNTER OUR REAL ROMANTIC LIV! MURR AND ALL.IN MY SCROLLG AND SWIPG THROUGH VAR DATG APPS, THERE SEEMS TO BE ONE NSTANT AMONGST THE LENNIAL MEN ON THERE: THEY RADIATE WEAKNS. THERE’S NOBODY THERE WHO LOOKS LIKE HE MIGHT’VE SPENT SOME TIME JUVIE. NOBODY WHO WILL TELL YOU TO JUMP ON THE BACK OF HIS MOTORCYCLE. NOBODY WHO WILL GET TO A BAR FIGHT WH YOU. NOBODY WHO WOULD FEND YOUR HONOR — OR ALLOW YOU TO FEND THEIRS. NOBODY WHO WILL TAKE ANY IATIVE. NOBODY WHO IS DAC ENOUGH, SECURE ENOUGH, OR FEARLS ENOUGH TO SAY “FUCK YEAH I’D LIKE TO GET TO KNOW YOU!” NONE WHO ULD GO TOE-TO-TOE. EVERY MAN ON THERE LOOKS LIKE I ULD MAKE HIM CRY 25 WORDS OR LS.WHEN I THK OF THE WOMEN MY LIFE, THE MORE BETIFUL THEY ARE, THE MORE SUCCSFUL THEY ARE, THE STRONGER THEY ARE — THE MORE SGLE THEY OFTEN ARE, NSTANTLY TOLD BY MAN AFTER LENNIAL MAN THAT THEY ARE “TIMIDATG”. WHEN I THK ABOUT THE STRONG WOMEN I ENUNTER VS THE NTERED WARDLY MEN, I’M STARTG TO THK THAT THE MEANG OF THE WORDS “BALLS” AND “PSY” SHOULD BE REVERSED.MANY OF GO OUT ON DAT WH MEN WHO N’T BE BOTHERED TO EVEN LOOK YOU THE EYE. SO WHAT DO WE DO AFTER? WE GO HOME TO OUR OWN PERSONAL FANTASY — NETFLIX. WE TURN ON YOU. WE SEE JOE, WHO WOULD KILL FOR HIS WOMAN.THE FACT IS: SO MANY MEN TODAY JT AREN’T MEN. THEY ARE SPELS SECURE SNIVELG LTLE WARDS. THEY’RE WHY. THEY’RE AGILE. THEY’RE CISIVE. THEY TAKE ZERO IATIVE. WORST OF ALL, THEY’RE APATHETIC. THEY APPEAR TO NOT RE ABOUT THEIR OWN LIFE OR ATH. IT’S NOT SIMPLY MEN’S LACK OF GOALS OR ASPIRATNS. IT’S THE CURRENT ERA’S LACK OF A CULTURAL SOUL — WHICH HAS BEEN REPLACED BY ONE NIGHT STANDS AND MDLS NSUMERISM.AS ANYONE WHO DAT THE MALE SPECIFI KNOWS, MASCULY — ANY HT OF ALPHA MALENS — IS AN ENDANGERED SPECI TODAY. WE ARE SWOONG OVER A PSYCHOTIC FICTNAL CHARACTER BEE — THAT LTLE TAIL OF SERIAL MURRS ASI — CHIVALRY, ROMANCE, AND ASSERTIVENS ARE QUALI THAT WE ARE NOT ED TO SEEG OM MEN TODAY.WOMEN AND GAY MEN ARE SO STARVED FOR ANY HT OF MASCULY AND ROMANCE — THE BAR IS SET SO LOW — THAT EVEN THIS STALKERY MURRY NUTJOB WOULD SEEM APPEALG BY PARISON TO THE BETA MAL WE ENUNTER EVERY DAY. SURE, HE HAS BODI BURIED HIS BASEMENT, BUT HE TOOK A LOT OF IATIVE WHILE DOG ! HE LOOKS HER THE EYE. HE PICKS HER UP AT HER DOOR. HE RPECTS HIS ELRS. HE FIX HER BEDAME WH A POWER DRILL. HE HUNTS ANYONE WHO CROSS HIS WOMAN. AND I MEAN, HE DID LOOK VIRILE AF BURYG THOSE BODI!PEOPLE TALK ABOUT “TOXIC MASCULY”, BUT THE REAL QUTN IS… WHAT MASCULY?! IT APPEARS NONEXISTENT THE DAYS.

”I began thkg about why lns of women (and gay men…) would be so attracted to someone so mury. We are swoong over a psychotic fictnal character bee — that ltle tail of serial murrs asi — chivalry, romance, and assertivens are quali that we are not ed to seeg om men and gay men are so starved for any ht of masculy and romance — the bar is set so low — that even THIS stalkery murry nutjob would seem appealg by parison to the beta mal we enunter every day. Straight guys have bee so weak and feckls that they apparently need to hear this om a homosexual sparkle, as somebody wh equently bleach blon hair whose wardrobe of tacky sparkly neon monstrosi would make Liberace himself say “It’s… a b much” — people might be wonrg what the hell I’m talkg about, lamentg our culture’s lack of masculy.

A staggerg number of Amerin boys have no male role mols the home or at are livg an culture where the worst and most vapid quali of the gay muny are beg imported to heterosexual life — the superficialy, the sual sex, the disrpect and disregard for monogamo romantic relatnships.

*BEAR-MAGAZINE.COM* IS JOE GOLDBERG GAY

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data-ttid="BylWrapper" class="BylWrapper-KIudk irTIfE byl ContentHearByl-cZqgyJ bHLeKI"><p class="ByleWrapper-jWHrLH fnINOd byle byl__byle" data-ttid="ByleWrapper" emProp="thor" emType="><span emProp="name" class="ByleNamWrapper-jbHncj fuDQVo"><span data-ttid="ByleName" class="ByleName-kwmrLn cYaBaU byle__name"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BylePreamble-iJolpQ iUEiRd dvgOmM gnILss byle__preamble">By </span><a class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BaseLk-eNWuiM ByleLk-gEnFiw iUEiRd jAcLDI rPnfn eErqIx byle__name-lk button" href="/ntributor/jenny-sger">Jenny Sger</a></span></span></p></div><time data-ttid="ContentHearPublishDate" dateTime="2020-01-17T16:30:57-05:00" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ ContentHearPublishDate-eIBicG iUEiRd cfFrRE bNphLH">January 17, 2020</time></div></div><div class="SocialInsWrapper-hKMEXV ffgPVr social-ins social-ins--standard ContentHearAccredatnSocialIns-jorO fPzfaa ntent-hear__social-share"><ul data-ttid="socialInslist" 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src="></picture></div></div></span><div class="CaptnWrapper-jSZdqE gPFWXR ptn ContentHearLeadAssetCaptn-hPWmSN kjGvxC"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ CaptnCred-ejegDm iUEiRd qnzYb fNaHcW ptn__cred">Beth Dubber/Netflix</span></div></div></figure></div></div><asi class="PersistentAsiWrapper-VGrR oEIBz persistent-asi persistent-asi--align-left" style="posn:absolute;top:to;height:to" data-ttid="PersistentAsiWrapper"><div class="StickyBoxWrapper-jfYB jNgrSF sticky-box ContentHearPersistentAsi-fsnAmQ dFzKzm"><div class="StickyBoxPrimary-dzWDWL cdhYoN sticky-box__primary"><div class="SocialInsWrapper-hKMEXV ffgPVr social-ins social-ins--has-background ContentHearSocialIns-jzJiyg fgMkJI social-ins--share"><ul data-ttid="socialInslist" class="SocialInsList-cHVTIA ivmblD social-ins__list"></ul></div></div><div class="StickyBoxPlaceholr-grPmrg dxAvXx"></div></div></asi></hear></div><div data-attribute-verso-pattern="article-body" class="ArticlePageContentBackGround-cNiFNN kJkLmH article-body__ntent"><div class="ArticlePageChunksContent-etcMtP bwyLBj"><div data-ttid="ArticlePageChunks" class="ArticlePageChunks-fLyCVG eSsnKa"><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK eRggVV grid grid-margs grid-ems-0 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bDFJoo"><div class="GridItem-buujkM kHPPIF grid--em"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa dxlOSM body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><p>“How do I know you aren't a murrer?” Eva Marie-Sat’s character asks Cary Grant’s character, flirtily, the classic 1959 film <em>North By Northwt</em>. “Maybe you’re planng to murr me right here, tonight.”</p><p>Fifty-six years later on The CW’s <em><a href=">Crazy Ex Girliend</a></em>, Rachel Bloom sgs to a guy she brgs home om a bar, “Please don’t be a murrer. Pl-pl-pl-please don’t be a murrer.”</p><div><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--article-mid-ntent" role="prentatn" aria-hidn="te"><div class="nsumer-marketg-un__slot nsumer-marketg-un__slot--article-mid-ntent nsumer-marketg-un__slot---ntent"></div><div class="journey-un"></div></div></div><p>“He’s cute,” your iend tells you, after a promisg date wh a guy om an app/a gngy bar/a parkg lot meet-cute. “And I don’t <em>thk</em> he’s a murrer.”</p><div class="Contaer-bkChBi byNLHx"></div><p>Datg men is risky—not jt bee puttg yourself out there is hard, but bee of the possibily of vlence. Statistics prove that we aren’t jt beg paranoid: A third of women who are murred the U.S. are killed by their partner, acrdg to the <a href=">most recent available data</a> om the Center for Disease Control, and one six women experience stalkg their life. We’re remd of the stats thanks to <a href=">Hollywood’s love of ad female bodi</a>, as well as <a href=">daily headl</a> about timate partner vlence.</p><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad---ntent"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot---ntent" data-no-id="7s5dgg"></div></div><p>So when some women exprs enthiasm for datg a <em>leral</em> murro stalker, ’s…plited.</p><div aria-label="social media post" class="TwterEmbedContaer-ggEzfU fHwbKp"><div class="MsageBannerWrapper-krrtvl fNebzB ConsentBannerWrapper-bMdLtU WTFWJ" data-ttid="msage-banner"><div class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ MsageBannerContent-gLUJfX iUEiRd hMrdSt bidFWt"><h4 class="ConsentBannerTle-lgaGAH gOfech">Twter ntent</h4><p>This ntent n also be viewed on the se <a href=" target="_blank" rel="nofollow noreferrer" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BaseLk-eNWuiM ConsentBannerLk-dJZMSz iUEiRd hMrdSt fPXmBe">origat</a> om.</p></div></div></div><div aria-label="social media post" class="TwterEmbedContaer-ggEzfU fHwbKp"><div class="MsageBannerWrapper-krrtvl fNebzB ConsentBannerWrapper-bMdLtU WTFWJ" data-ttid="msage-banner"><div class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ MsageBannerContent-gLUJfX iUEiRd hMrdSt bidFWt"><h4 class="ConsentBannerTle-lgaGAH gOfech">Twter ntent</h4><p>This ntent n also be viewed on the se <a href=" target="_blank" rel="nofollow noreferrer" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BaseLk-eNWuiM ConsentBannerLk-dJZMSz iUEiRd hMrdSt fPXmBe">origat</a> om.</p></div></div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan full-bleed-ad row-mid-ntent-ad"><div class="StickyMidContentAdWrapper-fSBzwl drzyIa ad-stickymidntent"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--mid-ntent should-hold-space"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--mid-ntent" data-no-id="um3nxc"></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK eRggVV grid grid-margs grid-ems-0 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bDFJoo"><div class="GridItem-buujkM kHPPIF grid--em"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa dxlOSM body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><div aria-label="social media post" class="TwterEmbedContaer-ggEzfU fHwbKp"><div class="MsageBannerWrapper-krrtvl fNebzB ConsentBannerWrapper-bMdLtU WTFWJ" data-ttid="msage-banner"><div class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ MsageBannerContent-gLUJfX iUEiRd hMrdSt bidFWt"><h4 class="ConsentBannerTle-lgaGAH gOfech">Twter ntent</h4><p>This ntent n also be viewed on the se <a href=" target="_blank" rel="nofollow noreferrer" class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ BaseLk-eNWuiM ConsentBannerLk-dJZMSz iUEiRd hMrdSt fPXmBe">origat</a> om.</p></div></div></div><p>You probably already know the murro stalker qutn: Penn Badgley’s exquisely sculpted, hot-even-for-TV character, <a href=">Joe Goldberg</a>. He’s the protagonist of <em><a href=">You</a></em>, Netflix’s surprise streamg succs based on books of the same name by Carole Kepn. Joe fixat on betiful (whe, mostly) women, murrg everyone who gets his way and— the first season—he murrs the woman he “lov” too.</p><div data-attr-viewport-monor="le-recirc" class="le-recirc-wrapper le-recirc-observer-target-1 viewport-monor-anchor"></div><p>“We all know Joe’s a bad guy, on paper,” says Holly, a 35-year-old gut experience manager and fan of <em>You</em>. “But there’s somethg about his sire to jt love and be loved that I thk people relate to.” (For the rerd, Holly wouldn’t go out wh Joe: “Although he’d be hard to turn down.”)</p><p>People do seem to relate to Joe. After the first season—which origally aired on Lifetime and then moved to Netflix—the streamg service <a href=">reported</a> that 40 ln viewers watched at least 70% of an episo. The send season was released on December 26 and has already been renewed for a third season. A <em>You</em> fan group I joed on Facebook has jt unr 40,000 members. They tra theori, share <em>You</em> mem, and llectively wa for <a href=">season three</a> to arrive. On January 14, one er posted a discsn qutn: “Who here would date a Joe?”</p><figure class="AssetEmbedWrapper-eVDQiB byBkf asset-embed"><div class="AssetEmbedAssetContaer-eJxoAx dBHGoQ asset-embed__asset-ntaer"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW kGxnNB rponsive-asset AssetEmbedRponsiveAsset-cXBNxi eCxVQK asset-embed__rponsive-asset"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa AssetEmbedRponsiveAsset-cXBNxi eCxVQK asset-embed__rponsive-asset rponsive-image"><noscript><img alt="Penn Badgley as Joe Goldberg You" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src=" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w, 960w, 1280w, 1600w" siz="100vw"/></noscript></picture></span></div><div class="CaptnWrapper-jSZdqE gPFWXR ptn AssetEmbedCaptn-fNQBPI cbKNQD asset-embed__ptn"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ CaptnText-bHjzlu iUEiRd cDlsmo iXWezO ptn__text">Penn Badgley, as Joe Goldberg <em>You</em></span><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ CaptnCred-ejegDm iUEiRd qnzYb fNaHcW ptn__cred">Tyler Goln/Netflix</span></div></figure></div></div></div></div><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan full-bleed-ad row-mid-ntent-ad"><div class="StickyMidContentAdWrapper-fSBzwl drzyIa ad-stickymidntent"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--mid-ntent should-hold-space"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--mid-ntent" data-no-id="b93ou5"></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK eRggVV grid grid-margs grid-ems-0 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bDFJoo"><div class="GridItem-buujkM kHPPIF grid--em"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa dxlOSM body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><p>The nearly 600 rpons me mostly om women. Many of them—at least a few hundred—said y. I asked them why.</p><p>“Bee he is so attentive, lovg, and rg,” Kisha, a 44-year-old wrer, tells me. “Joe wanted love return, but I would be fully aware that if I did not appreciate him, I was gog to end up a ge or ,” she says.</p><p>“He has a backstory,” she adds. “And like they say hurt people hurt people.”</p><p>“I would fely go out wh him,” says Shymaa, a 21-year-old bs stunt. “He’s my type…whout the murrg part.” The show, she says, “fulfills my fantasi.” A hot person beg obssed wh you is a fantasy that has, probably, equal purchase wh people of all genrs. Even though <em>You</em> attempts a stark prentatn of how dangero that fantasy n be realy, some women weren’t fooled—there’s no nyg elements of fantasy the hot actor, gleamg Los Angel scenery, and even the ia that somebody is always thkg about you.</p><p>Badgley himself <a href=">has ma a hab</a> over the past year of railg agast the ia that his character is lovable, or that Joe’s better quali n be separated om “the murrer part.”</p><p>“Joe is not actually lookg for te love,” he <a href=">told</a> <em>Entertament Weekly</em>. “He’s not actually a person who jt needs somebody who lov him. He’s a murrer! He’s a socpath. He’s abive. He’s lnal. And he’s self-obssed. You n’t fool yourself to thkg that he jt needs somebody who’s right for him. Nobody’s right for him!”</p><div data-attr-viewport-monor="le-recirc" class="le-recirc-wrapper le-recirc-observer-target-2 viewport-monor-anchor"></div><p>But not everyone se his character that way.</p><p>“Joe is a murrer, but everythg is plited,” said Alexandra, a 32-year-old artist and the owner of an art stud. If she didn’t know about his “ep secrets and obssns,” she says, “I would fely stay wh him forever.”</p><p>“Who will reject unndnal love?” she adds.</p><p>On the show, Joe’s “unndnal love” has him followg women, masturbatg outsi their wdows, breakg to their hom, hidg their showers, attemptg to bury them alive, killg their iends and fay members, cleang blood out of a Roomba, and y, gazg adorgly at them. Sure, plenty of women who mented sayg they would date Joe are at least half jokg, but they were also scribg a kd of fantasy. The women I talked to didn’t seem nfed about whether or not datg a murrer would be fun—obvly, nobody wants to be murred. They jt seemed willg to evaluate his character holistilly, and to selectively exame his more posive tras.</p></div></div></div></div><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa lfqRMn body ArticlePageBodyGridContaer-jrMoA-d xjuw body__grid-ntaer" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div data-ttid="feature-large-llout" class="CalloutFeatureLargeWrapper-cGjDsT jUIzyz"><figure class="AssetEmbedWrapper-eVDQiB byBkf asset-embed"><div class="AssetEmbedAssetContaer-eJxoAx dBHGoQ asset-embed__asset-ntaer"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW kGxnNB rponsive-asset AssetEmbedRponsiveAsset-cXBNxi eCxVQK asset-embed__rponsive-asset"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa AssetEmbedRponsiveAsset-cXBNxi eCxVQK asset-embed__rponsive-asset rponsive-image"><noscript><img alt="Penn Badgley as Joe You" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src=" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w, 960w, 1280w, 1600w" siz="100vw"/></noscript></picture></span></div><div class="CaptnWrapper-jSZdqE gPFWXR ptn AssetEmbedCaptn-fNQBPI cbKNQD asset-embed__ptn"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ CaptnText-bHjzlu iUEiRd cDlsmo iXWezO ptn__text">Penn Badgley as Joe <em>You</em></span><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ CaptnCred-ejegDm iUEiRd qnzYb fNaHcW ptn__cred">Beth Dubber/Netflix</span></div></figure></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK eRggVV grid grid-margs grid-ems-0 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bDFJoo"><div class="GridItem-buujkM kHPPIF grid--em"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa dxlOSM body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><p>Brtani, a 30-year-old nurse, says she would “absolutely not” go out wh Joe. (“He murrs people at the drop of a hat. No thank you.”) But she says she enjoys hearg his ner monologue and “btally hont” opns. “I also admire how smart and anized he n be,” she says. Other women scribe Joe as “sexy” and “ready to do anythg for loved on,” even knowg what they know about the character.</p></div></div></div></div><div class="RowWrapper-UmqTg HEhan full-bleed-ad row-mid-ntent-ad"><div class="StickyMidContentAdWrapper-fSBzwl drzyIa ad-stickymidntent"><div class="AdWrapper-dQtivb fZrssQ ad ad--mid-ntent should-hold-space"><div class="ad__slot ad__slot--mid-ntent" data-no-id="d2qxzo"></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK eRggVV grid grid-margs grid-ems-0 ArticlePageChunksGrid-hfxa bDFJoo"><div class="GridItem-buujkM kHPPIF grid--em"><div class="BodyWrapper-kufPGa dxlOSM body body__ntaer article__body" data-journey-hook="client-ntent" data-ttid="BodyWrapper"><div class="body__ner-ntaer"><p>And many women say that Joe remds them of men they’ve already dated, who they scribe as stalkers and abers. One woman I spoke to said of Joe, “Knowg what I know, I wouldn't even look [Joe’s] way. I wouldn't even want to associate wh him for fear of not only my life but anyone I know as well.”</p><p>“I've had many men bee obssed wh me my lifetime and 's not fun,” she says. “In fact, n turn sry real quick!” The men, she says, “go to extreme lengths” to keep other people om beg close to you. “Maybe [they haven’t] killed anyone a leral sense, but they slowly kill who you are and your other relatnships,” she says.</p><p>Another <em>You</em> fan I terviewed spoke about how she’s currently rensirg her relatnship wh her hband, who she says exhibed “siar behavral tras” to Joe at the begng of their relatnship.</p><div data-attr-viewport-monor="le-recirc" class="le-recirc-wrapper le-recirc-observer-target-3 viewport-monor-anchor"></div><p>“The wrer was brilliant makg the character Joe,” she says. “They ma him exhib loyal behavrs most women—or men, for that matter—long for a self-absorbed world. People jtify Joe's wrongdog bee ’s morally tertwed wh a jtified feelg om their perspective.”</p><le-embed name="medium" attrs="[object Object]" childTyp="image" hasProducts="false" ntentType="llout:medium"><figure class="AssetEmbedWrapper-eVDQiB byBkf asset-embed"><div class="AssetEmbedAssetContaer-eJxoAx dBHGoQ asset-embed__asset-ntaer"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW kGxnNB rponsive-asset AssetEmbedRponsiveAsset-cXBNxi eCxVQK asset-embed__rponsive-asset"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa AssetEmbedRponsiveAsset-cXBNxi eCxVQK asset-embed__rponsive-asset rponsive-image"><noscript><img alt="Penn Badgley as Joe Goldberg on You" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src=" srcSet=" 120w, 240w, 320w, 640w, 960w, 1280w, 1600w" siz="100vw"/></noscript></picture></span></div><div class="CaptnWrapper-jSZdqE gPFWXR ptn AssetEmbedCaptn-fNQBPI cbKNQD asset-embed__ptn"><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ CaptnText-bHjzlu iUEiRd cDlsmo iXWezO ptn__text">Penn Badgley as Joe <em>You</em></span><span class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ CaptnCred-ejegDm iUEiRd qnzYb fNaHcW ptn__cred">Beth Dubber/Netflix</span></div></figure></le-embed><p>Shymaa agre. “The wrer gave people what they wanna see themselv,” she says. “It’s a crimal reflectn of most people’s te selv...pecially women. I mean, don’t we jt love ‘light stalkg’ our partners sometim?” To many people, intifyg wh the characters on the show, and particularly ltg after Joe, is crazy. But a lot of female fans ma clear that they are able to see even the bloodit storyl as allegoril, even while acknowledgg that those same storyl (stalkg, killg, sex crim), however dramatized on <em>You</em>, are very real threats their liv.</p><p>Watchg their own worst nightmar e te onscreen—the same way huge numbers of women vour <a data-offer-url=" class="external-lk" data-event-click="{"element":"ExternalLk","outgogURL":"" href=" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">te-crime podsts</a> and bge <a href="><em>SVU</em> episos</a>—is how women have always experienced entertament. At least, many seem to be sayg, let the ma up perpetrator be really, really hot.</p><p>Badgley has <a href=">claimed</a> that tert Joe, tert even <em>You</em>, is a sign of our own moral rptn. “In a more jt society, we would all see Joe as problematic and not be terted the show, but that’s not the society we live ,” he said.</p><p>But the women who profsed love and sire for Joe seem perfectly aware that he’s problematic. They’re ed to problematic men. They’re ed to riskg vlence when they go on dat.</p><p>They’re chasg sire an unjt world. An anavr, <a href=">as the show puts </a>—a twisted, backward, nirvana.</p><p><em>Jenny Sger is a staff wrer for</em> Glamour. <em>Follow her on Twter <a data-offer-url=" class="external-lk" data-event-click="{"element":"ExternalLk","outgogURL":"" href=" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">@JeanValjenny</a>.</em></p><figure class="CneVioEmbedFigure-kCfJjN hdJOda e-vio-embed"><div data-ttid="script-ntaer"></div></figure><div id="stylics-marker"></div></div></div></div></div></div><div class="GridWrapper-cAzTTK eRggVV grid grid-margs grid-ems-0 PaywallInleBarrierWhWrapperGrid-fyrGfS jyGBoi"><div class="GridItem-buujkM kHPPIF grid--em"><div class="body body__le-barrier article__body article__body--grid-margs"><div class="ntaer ntaer--body"><div class="ntaer--body-ner"><asi class="PaywallInleBarrierWrapper-iBnuqk lfXXa-D" data-ttid="PaywallInleBarrierWrapper"><div class="ConsumerMarketgUnThemedWrapper-iUTMTf jssHut nsumer-marketg-un nsumer-marketg-un--paywall-le-barrier" 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class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa SummaryItemRponsiveAsset-hjGIGg egpoQR summary-em__image rponsive-image"><noscript><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet=" 800w" siz="100vw"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet=" 800w" siz="100vw"/><img alt="How YouTuber Graham Stephan Liv Mortgage Free Makg $1.6M L.A." class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY rponsive-image__image" src="></noscript></picture></div></div></span></a></div><div class="SummaryItemContent-eiDYMl XMZX summary-em__ntent"><div class="RubricWrapper-dKmCNX TzlWM bric bric--disvery SummaryItemRubric-dguGKN gSrNgh summary-em__bric summary-em__seri-lk"><a class="RubricLk-gRWSOU ivDtEt bric__lk" href="/vio/seri/money-tours"><span class="RubricName-fVtemz cLxcNi">Money Tours</span></a></div><a class="SummaryItemHedLk-civM cygyrM summary-em-trackg__hed-lk summary-em__hed-lk summary-em__hed-lk--unrle-disable" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-hed-1" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" href=" target="_self"><div data-ttid="ClampWrapper" class="ClampWrapper-kZxfkB hTTNGO clamp SummaryItemHedBase-hiFYpQ dPLFJF summary-em__hed"><div class="ClampContent-hilPkr jVhSBH"><div class="SummaryItemHedTag-TWblf gxaOcP" data-ttid="SummaryItemHed">How YouTuber Graham Stephan Liv Mortgage Free Makg $1.6M L.A.</div></div></div></a><div class="SummaryItemByleWrapper-boCfbi cuRXdL summary-em__byle-date-in summary-em__byle-date-in--no-thor"><time class="BaseWrap-sc-gjQpdd BaseText-ewhhUZ SummaryItemBylePublishDate-ctLSIQ iUEiRd qnzYb kiqveE summary-em__publish-date">January 17, 2020</time></div></div></div><div class="SummaryItemWrapper-iwvBff dnAtdC summary-em summary-em--has-le summary-em--article summary-em--has-small-image-mobile-only summary-em--no-in summary-em--text-align-left summary-em--layout-placement-si-by-si-mobile-only summary-em--layout-posn-image-right summary-em--layout-proportns-33-66 summary-em--si-by-si-align-center summary-em--si-by-si-image-right-mobile-false summary-em--standard SummaryCollectnGridSummaryItem-WColm fVZqGl" role="button" tabx="0"><div class="SummaryItemAssetContaer-gwhFFH VOyg summary-em__asset-ntaer"><a class="SummaryItemImageLk-dshqxb cPpCwE summary-em__image-lk summary-em-trackg__image-lk" href="/story/buttercream-blon-hair-lor" aria-hidn="te" tabx="-1" data-ponent-type="recirc-river" data-recirc-id="em-image-2" data-recirc-pattern="summary-em" target="_self"><span class="SpanWrapper-umhxW kGxnNB rponsive-asset SummaryItemRponsiveAsset-hjGIGg egpoQR summary-em__image"><div data-tt="aspect-rat-ntaer" class="AspectRatContaer-bJHpJz hlQxkn"><div class="aspect-rat--overlay-ntaer"><picture class="RponsiveImagePicture-cWuUZO dUOtEa SummaryItemRponsiveAsset-hjGIGg egpoQR summary-em__image rponsive-image"><noscript><source media="(max-width: 767px)" srcSet="" siz="100vw"/><source media="(m-width: 768px)" srcSet="" siz="100vw"/><img alt="You Should Defely Go Buttercream Blond This Wter" class="RponsiveImageContaer-eybHBd fptoWY 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