The One Where Your Young Dghter Claims to Be Gay Out of Spe - Queerty

Contents:

• AM I GAY ENOUGH? WHAT TO KNOW ABOUT QUEER INTY
• AM I GAY?
• SOME GAYS CAN GO STRAIGHT, STUDY SAYS
• GAY YOUTH COMG OUT IN MIDDLE SCHOOL
• THE ONE WHERE YOUR YOUNG DGHTER CLAIMS TO BE GAY OUT OF SPE
• I LIKE GUYS BUT I DON’T WANT TO BE GAY. HOW DO I STOP BEG GAY?
• HOW TO COME OUT AS GAY – 6 PHAS FROM THE EXPERTS

AM I GAY ENOUGH? WHAT TO KNOW ABOUT QUEER INTY

)Sce I started acceptg that I was queer and havg queer enunters, I have been told numero tim that, as a super femme cis woman, I'm "not gay enough. —Devan, 26It sounds like you already know this, but let me say loud and clear: There is no such thg as not beg “gay enough.

” Many people the LGBTQ muny feel the same way you do, whether they’re fellow femm who don’t “appear” gay, bisexual people hetero relatnships, gay men who don’t f stereotypil standards, and so many others. In fact, gay people who don’t exprs their gayns wh an explicly “queer athetic” often experience what some psychologists ll “queer imposter syndrome. A uple of lumns ago, Kira, a “femme-prentg queer, ” told me about her “extremely awkward ‘look, I'm gay!

AM I GAY?

What do you do if you don’t want to bee a Profsnal Femme Gay Woman? Reachg beyond your lol muny and fillg your social feeds wh queer folks who look all kds of ways n serve as a daily affirmatn that you are gay enough, exactly the way you are. LGBT is still a popular term ed to discs genr and sexual mori, but all GSRM are wele beyond lbian, gay, bisexual, and transgenr people who nsent to participate a safe space.

Lucky for gay/bi men, there are que a number of who know exactly how that feels. It seems like every gay guy out there is a bottom, and when you thk you've met someone who's fely a He too is a bottom. Gay - While this adjective has historilly scribed men who are attracted to other men, the term now is ed to refer to anyone who experienc romantic, emotnal, or physil attractn to people of the same genr.

Sce genr inty and sexual orientatn are separate, transgenr people n intify as straight, gay, lbian, bisexual, etc.

SOME GAYS CAN GO STRAIGHT, STUDY SAYS

May 9, 2001 -- Can gay men and women bee heterosexual? Crics, though, say the study's subjects may be ludg themselv and that the subject group was scientifilly valid bee many of them were referred by anti-gay relig Robert Spzer, a psychiatry profsor at Columbia Universy, said he began his study as a skeptic — believg, as major mental health anizatns do, that sexual orientatn nnot be changed, and attempts to do so n even e Spzer's study, which has not yet been published or reviewed, seems to dite otherwise. Spzer says he spoke to 143 men and 57 women who say they changed their orientatn om gay to straight, and nclud that 66 percent of the men and 44 percent of women reached what he lled good heterosexual functng — a staed, lovg heterosexual relatnship wh the past year and gettg enough emotnal satisfactn to rate at least a seven on a 10-pot said those who changed their orientatn had satisfyg heterosexual sex at least monthly and never or rarely thought of someone of the same sex durg also found that 89 percent of men and 95 percent of women were bothered not at all or only slightly by unwanted homosexual feelgs.

However, only 11 percent of men and 37 percent of women reported a plete absence of homosexual ditors. Spzer argu that highly motivated gays n fact change that preference — wh a lot of Study, Old DebateBut crics have challenged the study, even before was formally unveiled at today's ssn of the Amerin Psychiatric Associatn's annual meetg New Orleans, which was jammed wh televisn meras reportg on the prentatn. Ariel Shidlo and Michael Shroer, two psychologists private practice New York Cy, found that of 215 homosexual subjects who received therapy to change their sexual orientatn, the majory failed to do so.

"Hurt by TherapySpzer don't qutn that many gay people have been hurt by therapy. "There's no doubt that many homosexuals who have been unsuccsful and, attemptg to change, bee prsed and their life be worse, " he said.

GAY YOUTH COMG OUT IN MIDDLE SCHOOL

"In fact, he said, many of his subjects had been sponnt and even suicidal themselv, for the oppose reason — "precisely bee they had prevly thought there was no hope for them, and they had been told by many mental health profsnals that there was no hope for them, they had to jt learn to live wh their homosexual feelgs.

"He said some velop such tremendo strs that they bee chronilly prsed, socially whdrawn or even Spzer says his study shows that some homosexuals makg some effort, ually for a few years, make the change.

"We found that women our sample moved om a ls extreme homosexual to a more heterosexual level than did men, " Spzer says. Halman, however, noted that some 43 percent of those sampled were referred by relig groups that nmn homosexualy. Another 23 percent were referred by the Natnal Associatn for Rearch and Therapy of Homosexualy, which says most of s members nsir homosexualy a velopmental disorr.

THE ONE WHERE YOUR YOUNG DGHTER CLAIMS TO BE GAY OUT OF SPE

"The sample is terrible, totally tated, totally unreprentative of the gay and lbian muny, " said David Ellt, a spokman for the Natnal Gay and Lbian Task Force Spzer says while the people his sample were unual — more relig than the general populatn — don't mean their experienc n be dismissed. Rick McKnon, who is openly gay and works as an edor at the weekly Seattle Gay News, is ncerned the study rults n be ed to forward an anti-gay agenda. "Conservative, anti-gay, anti-diversy folks are gog to embrace and they're gonna e for their own agenda to ph their pot of view that, y, you don't need equaly Amerin society for gay people bee they n change, " he said.

"But Spzer — who scribed himself as a "Jewish, atheist, secular humanist" wh no axe to grd — says maybe there are gays who are happy beg gay and ex-gays who are happy beg straight, and that both sis serve more rpect. Ironilly, Spzer had until now been somethg of a hero the gay muny. In the early 1970s, he spearhead the effort to get homosexualy removed om the Amerin Psychiatric Associatn's list of mental disorrs.

Are people who e out as gay their teens sted to face rejectn, bullyg and inty crisis? MARTIN: Now, how did you notice this trend of younger and younger children intifyg themselv as gay? You mentned the piece that you are a gay man.

I LIKE GUYS BUT I DON’T WANT TO BE GAY. HOW DO I STOP BEG GAY?

I read a lot about youth culture and I was talkg to tors and, you know, lears of gay youth groups and they were all sayg the same thg. When realy, if you talk to a gay man, you know, many of them lookg back will say, you know, I noticed my same sex attractn, you know, at 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13 that ballpark. You know, recent studi are showg that kids are self-intifyg as gay anywhere om 13 to 16.

HOW TO COME OUT AS GAY – 6 PHAS FROM THE EXPERTS

The other realy is that 's still very difficult for a lot of gay kids to be out middle school. I mean, one of the tertg thgs that we have to look at is this, is that much of the anti-gay bullyg and anti-gay harassment that's gog on middle schools and high school is more about genr non-nformy than really is about beg gay or lbian.

You say, look, on the one hand, is an eighth-grar who says he's gay jt experimentg? If sexualy is so fluid, should he really box himself wh a gay inty? But you say that when to kids who say that they are gay, 's almost like we want to talk them out of .

Is that beg gay or lbian is still enough of a pariah inty that parents want to take off the table as long as they n, or is jt that parents really feel that all kids are sexualized too early the days, and they don't want their kids at this age thkg about, you know, hookg up? So was really - and a lot of parents, when they heard their kid, their 12-, 13-, 14-year-old say, you know, I'm gay, or I'm bisexual, or I'm lbian, they tomatilly went to oh my god, that means he's havg sex, when realy wasn't about that at all.