"The Office" Gay Wch Hunt (TV Episo 2006) - IMDb

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• GAY WCH HUNT
• SEASON 3 EPISO 1: GAY WCH HUNTTHE OFFICE (USA)TRACK 1 ON SEASON 3 SEP. 21, 20061 VIEWER1 CONTRIBUTORSEASON 3 EPISO 1: GAY WCH HUNT LYRICSRYAN: YEAH, I'M NOT A TEMP ANYMORE. I GOT JIM'S OLD JOB WHICH MEANS AT MY HIGH SCHOOL RNN WILL NOT SAY "RYAN HOWARD IS A TEMP", WILL SAY "RYAN HOWARD IS A JUNR SAL ASSOCIATE AT A MID-RANGE PAPER SUPPLY FIRM. THAT'LL SHOW EM.*FLASHBACK TO JIM AND PAM KISSG *JIM: YOU HAVE NO IA HOW LONG I'VE BEEN WAG TO DO THAT.PAM: ME TOO. I THK WE'RE JT DNK.JIM: NO I'M NOT DNK, ARE YOU DNK?PAM: NO ... JIMJIM: YOU'RE REALLY GONNA MARRY HIM? [PAM NODS] OK*CUTS TO DWIGHT TALKG TO CAMERA*DWIGHT: [FAKE CRYG] JIM IS GONE, HE'S GONE, I MISS HIM SO MUCH! I CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP ... JIM! [NORMAL VOICE] FALSE, I DO NOT MISS HIM.OPENG SEQUENCEMICHAEL: NO! THAT IS THE FUN OF THIS PLACE. I LL EVERYBODY "FAGGIE". WHY WOULD ANYBODY FD THAT OFFENSIVE?TOBY: OK I THK OSR WOULD JT LIKE IF YOU ED "LAME" OR SOMETHG LIKE THAT.MICHAEL: THAT'S WHAT FAGGIE MEANS!TOBY: NO NOT REALLY... [MICHAEL GROANS] APPARENTLY YOU LLED OSR "FAGGIE" FOR LIKG THE MOVIE SHAKPEARE LOVE MORE THAN AN ACTN MOVIE.MICHAEL: IT WASN'T JT AN ACTN MOVIE, WAS DIE HARD!TOBY: ALL RIGHT MICHAEL, BUT OSR'S REALLY GAY.MICHAEL: EXACTLY!TOBY: I MEAN FOR REAL.MICHAEL: YEAH, I KNOW.TOBY: NO, I MEAN HE'S ATTRACTED TO OTHER MEN.MICHAEL: OK, A LTLE TOO FAR, CROSSED THE LE.TOBY: OK, I AM TELLG YOU, OSR IS AN ACTUAL HOMOSEXUAL. YEAH, HE TOLD ME THIS MORNG. AND, OBVLY HE HOP HE N UNT ON YOUR DISCRETN.MICHAEL [TO MERA]: I WOULD HAVE NEVER LLED HIM THAT IF I KNEW. YOU DON'T... YOU DON'T LL RETARD PEOPLE "RETARDS". IT'S BAD TASTE. YOU LL YOUR IENDS "RETARDS" WHEN THEY'RE ACTG RETARD. AND I NSIR OSR A IEND.MICHAEL [TO OSR]: LISTEN MAN, I AM SO SORRY. I HAD NO IA.OSR: NO, 'S FE.MICHAEL: NO. NO 'S NOT. I FEEL TERRIBLE ABOUT . I HAVE BEEN LLG PEOPLE "FAGGIE" SCE I WAS JUNR HIGH, AND I HAVE NEVER MA THIS MISTAKE. IF I DON'T KNOW HOW TO BEHAVE, IS BEE I AM JT SO FAR THE OPPOSE WAY, YOU KNOW? I'M JT... I, I N'T EVEN IMAGE... THE... THG. MAYBE WE ULD GO OUT FOR A BEER SOMETIME. AND YOU ULD TELL ME... HOW... YOU DO THAT TO ANOTHER DU.OSR: THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GREAT, WONRFUL IA, LET'S DO THAT.ANGELA: [ REFERENCE TO OSR BEG GAY] IT EXPLAS SO MUCH.OSR [TO CAMERA]: NO, I'M NOT GAY. AND I DON'T UNRSTAND WHY ANYONE WOULD THK, THAT I'M GAY... IF... [SIGHS] UH... YEAH I'M GAY.*AT STAMFORD PAPER BRANCH*JIM: I N'T SAY WHETHER DUNR MIFFL PAPER IS LS FLAMMABLE, SIR, BUT I N ASSURE THAT IS CERTALY NOT MORE FLAMMABLE.JIM[TO CAMERA]: WHY DID I TRANSFER TO STAMFORD? I THK THAT'S PRETTY OBV. I GOT PROMOTED! AND YOU N'T BEAT THAT VIEW... RIGHT?ANDY: HEY, BIG TUNA! YOU'RE SGLE RIGHT?JIM: UH-HUH, YEAH. I AM.ANDY: SHE'S PRETTY HOT HUH? [JIM NODS] SHE'S PLETELY CRAZY. STEER CLEAR BIG TUNA. HEAD FOR OPEN WATERS.JIM: OK.ANDY: OK.JIM[TO CAMERA]: I ATE A TUNA SANDWICH, ON MY FIRST DAY. SO, ANDY STARTED LLG ME BIG TUNA. ...I DON'T THK ANY OF THEM ACTUALLY KNOW MY REAL NAME.ANDY[TO CAMERA]: BIG TUNA IS A SUPER AMB GUY, YOU KNOW? CUT YOUR THROAT TO GET AHEAD KD OF GUY, BUT I MEAN I'M NOT THREATENED BY HIM. I WENT TO CORNELL, YOU EVER HEARD OF ? [LGHS] I GRADUATED FOUR YEARS. I NEVER STUDIED ONCE. I WAS DNK THE WHOLE TIME, AND I SANG THE APPELLA GROUP, "HERE COM TREBLE."*CUTS TO STAMFORD BRANCH MEETG*JOSH: SO, END OF DAY WE ARE GOG TO HAVE A LTLE DIVERSY POLICY REHER, BEE OF SOME MORE PROBLEMS AT THE SCRANTON BRANCH. AND I HAVE A LIST OF BS STARTUPS I GOT OM THE CHAMBER. Y, I AM GOG TO NEED SOMEONE TO LD LL THEM.JIM: OH, I N DO THAT.KAREN[TO CAMERA]: JIM'S NICE ENOUGH. I DONT... I DON'T KNOW HOW WELL HE'S FTG HERE. HE'S ALWAYS LOOKG AT THE MERA LIKE THIS. [MAK CLASSIC "JIM"-MERA FACE] WHAT IS THAT?*CUTS BACK TO SCRANTON BRANCH*MICHAEL: CAN YOU TELL WHO'S GAY AND WHO'S NOT?DWIGHT: OF URSE.MICHAEL: WHAT ABOUT OSR?DWIGHT: ABSOLUTELY NOT.MICHAEL: WELL, HE IS.DWIGHT: WELL, HE'S NOT DRSED WOMEN'S CLOTH, SO...MICHAEL: [EP SIGH] THERE ULD BE OTHERS... I NEED TO KNOW. I DON'T WANT TO OFFEND ANYBODY ELSE.DWIGHT: YOU ULD ASSUME EVERYONE IS, AND NOT SAY ANYTHG OFFENSIVE.MICHAEL: YEAH, I'M SURE EVERYONE WOULD APPRECIATE ME TREATG THEM LIKE THEY WERE GAY. HEY, WHAT ABOUT ANGELA? SHE'S HARD AND SEVERE. SHE ULD BE A GAY WOMAN.DWIGHT: I REALLY DON'T THK SO. MICHAEL: I DON'T KNOW, I N IMAGE HER WH ANOTHER WOMAN, N'T YOU?DWIGHT: [CREEPY SE] MICHAEL: DO SOME REARCH. FD OUT IF THERE'S A WAY TO TELL BY JT LOOKG AT THEM.DWIGHT: JIM TOLD ME YOU ULD BUY GAY-DAR ONLE.MICHAEL: THAT'S RIDICULO.DWIGHT: YEAH PROBABLY. HE DIDN'T TELL THE TTH A LOT.MICHAEL: [SIGHS] LET'S LL HIM AND GET THE WEBSE.DWIGHT: DEFELY.*CUTS TO JIM ON THE PHONE WH MICHAEL*JIM: WHAT'S GAY-DAR? OH, OH, GAY-DAR, Y! NO, UH, I THK THEY HAVE AT SHARPER IMAGE. OH, YOU KNOW WHAT? I ULD CHECK FOR YOU. NO PROBLEM. [LOUDLY FAKE TYPG] IT'S SOLD OUT! YEAH SORRY ABOUT THAT, THAT'S A BUMMER.MICHAEL [HANGG UP THE PHONE]: WELL, THEY'RE SOLD OUT. DWIGHT: DAMN. [THKS] I'LL TRY BROOKSTONE.*CUTS TO JIM AT SK*JIM [TO CAMERA]: I MISS THAT.*CUTS TO PAM AT SK*ROY: CHICKEN OR FISH?PAM: [LOUD SIGH] CHICKEN.ROY: SO YOU HAV' A GOOD DAY?PAM: EXCELLENT, THANKS.ROY: GOOD, GLAD. OK.PAM[TO MERA]: YEAH, I DIDN'T GO THROUGH WH THE WEDDG. I GOT LD FEET, A FEW DAYS BEFORE. AND I N'T REALLY EXPLA . I JT HAD TO GET OUT OF THAT RELATNSHIP. WE STILL HAD TO PAY FOR ALL THE FOOD. SO WE OZE . BUT I'M, I'M DOG WELL. I HAVE MY OWN APARTMENT. I'M TAKG ART CLASS. AND I HAVE LUNCH FOR THE NEXT FIVE WEEKS.ROY: AFTER PAM DUMPED ME, I UM, I KDA STOPPED TAKG RE OF MYSELF THERE, AND UH, I H BOTTOM WHEN UH, DNK DRIVG ARRT. I'VE BEEN WORKG OUT AND UM, YOU KNOW, I'M NOT GONNA TAKE HER FOR GRANTED. I GOTTA W HER BACK.STANLEY[TO MERA]: I GOT THEM A TOASTER. THEY LLED OFF THE WEDDG AND GAVE THE TOASTER BACK TO ME. I TRIED TO RETURN THE TOASTER TO THE STORE, AND THEY SAID THEY NO LONGER SOLD THAT KD OF TOASTER. SO NOW MY HOE HAS GOT TWO TOASTERS.KELLY[TO OSR]: THAT IS SO OL THAT YOU'RE GAY. I TOTALLY UNRTIMATED YOU.OSR[TO MERA]: Y I'M SUPER OL. I AM AN ACUNTANT AT A FAILG PAPER SUPPLY PANY, SCRANTON. MUCH LIKE, UM, SIR IAN MCCLELLAN.ANGELA[TO MERA]: SURE, SOMETIM I WATCH WILL AND GRACE... AND I WANT TO THROW UP. IT'S TERRIBLY LOUD. I DO LIKE SOMETIM WHEN HARRY CONNICK JR. IS ON. HE'S SO TALENTED.*CUT TO MEREDH LICKG HAND SANIZER**AT STANFORD BRANCH*ANDY: OK. WHO PUT MY LCULATOR JELLO? GOOD ONE. BUT UH, SERLY, GUYS WHO DID THIS? SERLY GUYS, WHO DID THIS? I NEED TO KNOW WHO PUT MY LCULATOR JELLO, OR I'M GONNA LOSE MY FRICKIN' MIND! (KICKS TRASH N)*CUT TO JAN WALKG TO STANFORD BRANCH*JAN[TO MICHAEL HIS OFFICE]: YOU KNOW, 'S AMAZG TO ME THAT THIS DAY AND AGE, YOU ULD BE SO OBTE ABOUT SEXUAL ORIENTATN.MICHAEL: I WATCH THE L WORD. I WATCH, QUEER AS F***, SO...JAN: THAT'S NOT WHAT 'S LLED.TOBY: OK, MICHAEL, ARE YOU AWARE THAT YOU OTED OSR TODAY?MICHAEL: WHAT? WHAT DO THAT EVEN...JAN: COMG OUT, IS A SIGNIFINT MOMENT FOR A GAY PERSON, AND THEY SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO SELECT THE TIMG AND MANNER OF ANNOUNCG .MICHAEL: WELL, GAY PRI, RIGHT? GAY PRI PARA? IT'S NOT LIKE GAY... SHAME FTIVAL.TOBY: ALL RIGHT, NOW OSR'S FEELG DISCRIMATED AGAST BY HIS -WORKERS, PRIMARILY ANGELA, AND UM, THAT'S YOUR FLT.MICHAEL: I THK ANGELA MIGHT BE GAY. COULD OSR AND ANGELA BE HAVG A GAY AFFAIR? MAYBE! IS THAT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT?JAN: NO!MICHAEL: I DON'T KN--JAN: NO, 'S NOT POSSIBLE.MICHAEL: ANYTHG'S POSSIBLE.JAN: YOU KNOW, IMAGE... YOU WERE GAY.MICHAEL: [LGHS] WELL, I'M NOT GAY JAN, AND YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT BETTER THAN ANYBODY!JAN: MICHAEL, YOUR IMMATURY IS EXTREMELY DISAPPOTG AND MAY EVEN LEAD TO A LAWSU WHICH IS THE ABSOLUTE LAST THG THIS PANY NEEDS RIGHT NOW. DO YOU UNRSTAND?MICHAEL[TO MERA]: THE PANY HAS MA MY RPONSIBILY TODAY TO PUT AN END TO 100,000 YEARS OF BEG WEIRD OUT BY GAYS.*CUT TO OSR MICHAEL'S OFFICE*OSR: AM I THE FIRST GAY MAN YOU EVER KNEW?MICHAEL: TRICK QUTN! CSE YOU N'T ALWAYS TELL, SO... HOW WOULD I KNOW. IS THAT THE RIGHT ANSWER?PAM: MICHAEL, DWIGHT'S LOOKG AT GAY PORNOGRAPHY ON HIS PUTER.DWIGHT: UH, MICHAEL KNOWS PAM. HE ASKED ME TO DO THIS JT FOR HIM. HE HAS HIS OWN REASONS.MICHAEL: [LOOKG AT GAY PORN] NOTHG WRONG WH THIS STUFF. AT ALL. THIS IS FE. YOU KNOW WHAT. GAY PORN, STRAIGHT PORN, 'S ALL GOOD! I DON'T PARTICULARLY GET TO THIS. BUT UH, YOU KNOW WHAT. I TOTALLY SEE THE MER! AND ACTUALLY... IS QUE BETIFUL.DWIGHT: AH DAMN POP-UPS.OSR: WHAT ARE YOU DOG?!ANGELA: WATCHG SOME OF YOUR IENDS. (OSR PH THROUGH ANGELA AND DWIGHT TRI TO CHASE AFTER HIM)MICHAEL: [YELLG] ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY THE NFERENCE ROOM! I DON'T RE IF YOU ARE GAY, OR STRAIGHT, OR A LBIAN, OR OVERWEIGHT! JUST GET IN HERE! RIGHT NOW!*IN NFERENCE ROOM*MICHAEL: DID YOU KNOW THAT GAY ED TO MEAN HAPPY? WHEN I WAS GROWG UP MEANT LAME. AND NOW MEANS A MAN, WHO MAK LOVE TO OTHER MEN. WE'RE ALL HOMOS! HOMOSAPIENS. GAYS AREN'T NECSARILY WHO YOU THK THEY ARE, PEOPLE. I MEAN ANYBODY ULD BE GAY. BS-MEN. LIKE ANTIQUE ALERS, OR HAIRDRSERS, OR... ACUNTANTS. OSR, WHY DON'T YOU TAKE THIS OPPORTUNY TO OFFICIALLY E OUT, TO EVERYBODY HERE. HOWEVER YOU WANT TO DO . GO AHEAD. STAND UP. I'M DOG THIS FOR YOU.OSR: Y I'M GAY. AND I DIDN'T PLAN ON SHARG THAT PART OF MY LIFE WH YOU TODAY, SO, WHATEVER. CAN I S DOWN NOW?CREED:[TO MERA]: I'M NOT OFFEND BY HOMOSEXUALY. IN THE SIXTI I MA LOVE TO MANY MANY WOMEN, OFTEN OUTDOORS, THE MUD AND THE RA. AND WAS POSSIBLE A MAN SLIPPED , AND THERE WOULD BE NO WAY OF KNOWG.MICHAEL: WHO SHOULD BE THE JUDG AND JURI OF OUR SOCIETY?ANGELA: JUDG AND JURI!MICHAEL: Y, THAT'S A GOOD POT. SHE HAS A GOOD POT. BEE GAY MARRIAGE CURRENTLY IS NOT LEGAL, UNR U.S. LAW. I BET A LOT OF STRAIGHT MEN WISH THAT APPLIED TO THEM. SO THEY ULD GO OUT THERE AND HAVE SOME TORRID UNABASHED MONKEY SEX AS MUCH AS THEY ULD. YOU KNOW? SOUNDS PRETTY GOOD, RIGHT?KEV: THAT SOUNDS GREAT.DWIGHT: I THK ALL THE OTHER OFFICE GAYS SHOULD INTIFY THEMSELV, OR I WILL DO FOR THEM.OSR: NO ONE ELSE THIS OFFICE IS GAY.DWIGHT: WHAT ABOUT PHYLLIS? SHE MAK ABSOLUTELY NO ATTEMPT TO BE FEME!PHYLLIS: I'M GETTG MARRIED TO BOB VANCE.MICHAEL: THAT'S GREAT. CONGRATULATNS PHYLLIS. THAT IS GREAT, AND ANKLY KD OF AMAZG! [LGHS] SEE? EVERYBODY HAS A CHANCE!MICHAEL: BUT STILL, PHYLLIS, LLEGE? DID YOU EVER EXPERIMENT WH OTHER WOMEN? A LOT OF WOMEN DO!PHYLLIS: NO, YOU KNEW ME HIGH SCHOOL. COURSE, WE ALL THOUGHT YOU WERE GAY HIGH SCHOOL.MICHAEL: [LGHG] RIGHT! [SER] AND I TAKE THAT AS A PLIMENT.PHYLLIS: WELL WH YOUR TI AND YOUR MATCHG SOCKS AND-MICHAEL: WELL, I JT LIKE TO LOOK GOOD OK, SOOSR: YOU SOUND PRETTY FENSIVE MICHAEL.MICHAEL: NO, I AM JT G OUT MYSELF. I AM G OUT HETERO!OSR: I THK THE PROBLEM WH THIS OFFICE IS THAT YOU ARE SENDG MIXED SIGNALS ABOUT MY BEG HERE.MICHAEL: NO NO NO. THE ONLY SIGNAL THAT I AM SENDG IS GAY, GOOD. LOOK, IF I WAS GAY, I WOULD BE THE MOST FLAMBOYANT GAY YOU HAVE EVER SEEN. I WOULD BE LEADG THE PARA VERED FEATHERS, AND JT... I WOULD BE WAVG THAT RABOW FLAG.OSR: I DON'T THK I N WORK HERE ANY LONGER. THIS HAS BEEN THE WORST, MOST BACKWARDS DAY OF MY LIFE.MICHAEL: YOU MISUNRSTAND OK. YOU KNOW WHAT, OK. I UH, I'M GONNA PUT MY MONEY WHERE MY MOUTH IS. YOU READY? I AM GOG TO EMBRACE OSR. YOU MIGHT WANT TO WATCH THIS ANGELA, BEE YOU N'T TCH ANYTHG. HERE WE GO. WE ARE GOG TO MAKE A STATEMENT. YOU AND I ARE GOG TO MAKE A STATEMENT TOGETHER. OSR IS MY IEND ...OSR: I WOULD RATHER NOT.MICHAEL: .. I JT DON'T RE WHO SE , DON'T BOTHER ME!OSR: NO, NO(PHG MICHAEL AWAY)! I DON'T WANT TO TOUCH YOU, EVER NSIR THAT? YOU'RE IGNORANT, AND SULTG, AND SMALL!MICHAEL: OK, UM... SORRY.OSR: MICHAEL... I'M SORRY. THAT WAS A GOOD IA. COME ON, E ON. (OSR AND MICHAEL HUG)MICHAEL: [SOBBG] I'M SORRY I LLED YOU FAGGIE. YOU'RE NOT FAGGIE. YOU'RE A A GOOD GUY.DWIGHT[TO MERA]: MICHAEL APPEARS TO BE GAY TOO. AND YET HE IS MY IEND. I GUS I DO HAVE A GAY IEND.MICHAEL: (EMBRACG OSR) YOU KNOW WHAT, I'M GOG TO RAISE THE STAK. I WANT YOU TO WATCH THIS. AND I WANT YOU TO BURN THIS TO YOUR BRAS. BEE THIS IS AN IMAGE THAT I WANT YOU PEOPLE TO REMEMBER FOR A LONG TIME TO E. WHENEVER YOU E TO THE OFFICE I WANT YOU TO THK ABOUT THIS. [AWKWARDLY KISSG OSR] I DID . SEE. I'M STILL HERE. WE'RE ALL STILL HERE. [KEV CLAPS]MICHAEL: [DWIGHT GETS UP TO KISS OSR] OH E ON! DWIGHT! COME ON, MAN!MICHAEL[TO MERA]: WE ARE NOT THE PLAYGROUND ANYMORE. THERE ARE NEW L. WE HAVE TO BE MATURE. BUT WE N'T LOSE THE SPIR OF CHILD LIKE WONR. WHAT IS LOVE... ANYWAY? MAYBE 'S SUPPOSED TO BREAK ALL THE L. LIKE ME AND JAN. OR OSR... AND SOME GUY. LIFE IS SHORT. WHEN TWO PEOPLE FD EACH OTHER, WHAT SHOULD STAND THEIR WAY? I AM GLAD THAT TODAY SPURRED SOCIAL CHANGE. THAT'S PART OF MY JOB AS REGNAL MANAGER. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? EVEN IF DIDN'T, AT LEAST WE PUT THIS MATTER TO BED. ... THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID. OR HE SAID. OH, THERE'S GILL. OSR'S ROOMMATE. I WONR IF HE KNOWS?OSR[TO MERA]: I WAS GOG TO QU. BUT JAN OFFERED ME A THREE MONTH PAID VATN AND A PANY R. ALL I HAD TO DO WAS SIGN SOMETHG SAYG I WON'T SUE. GILL AND I ARE GOG TO EUROPE. KIDS, SOMETIM PAYS TO BE GAY.*CUTS TO DWIGHT OPENG A BOX OM JIM NTAG "GAY-DAR"*DWIGHT: [READG THE NOTE WH THE GAY-DAR] "HOPE THIS HELPS. -JIM" NICE!OSR: [DWIGHT IS NNG THE GAY-DAR OVER OSR'S BODY] WHAT ARE YOU DOG?!DWIGHT: SHHH. DON'T BE SRED. [GAY-DAR BEEPS OVER OSR'S BELT BUCKLE] IT WORKS. [GAY-DAR GO OFF NEXT TO DWIGHT'S BELT BUCKLE] .. NO.EMBEDCANCELHOW TO FORMAT LYRICS:TYPE OUT ALL LYRICS, EVEN REPEATG SONG PARTS LIKE THE CHOSLYRICS SHOULD BE BROKEN DOWN TO DIVIDUAL LUSE SECTN HEARS ABOVE DIFFERENT SONG PARTS LIKE [VERSE], [CHOS], ETC.USE ALICS (<I>LYRIC</I>) AND BOLD (<B>LYRIC</B>) TO DISTGUISH BETWEEN DIFFERENT VOLISTS THE SAME SONG PARTIF YOU DON’T UNRSTAND A LYRIC, E [?]TO LEARN MORE, CHECK OUT OUR TRANSCRIPTN GUI OR VIS OUR TRANSCRIBERS FOMABOUT

GAY WCH HUNT

Michael, am I gay? Andy Bernard: Michael, am I gay? DirectorPl LiebersteWrersGreg DanielsPl LiebersteRicky GervaisAll st & crewProductn, box office & more at IMDbProTriviaWhen Kev teas Andy about the mor that he (Andy) is gay, Andy asks him if he has spoken to someone om his high-school.

Michael Stt: [Michael has lled Osr faggy whout knowg Osr is gay] Listen, man, I am so sorry. The OfficeCast & crewUser reviewsTriviaEpiso aired Sep 21, 2006TV-1423mMichael apologiz to Osr, after he fds out he's gay, for llg him a homosexual slur--but his apology outs Osr to the entire office.

Read allMichael apologiz to Osr, after he fds out he's gay, for llg him a homosexual slur--but his apology outs Osr to the entire office. Michael apologiz to Osr, after he fds out he's gay, for llg him a homosexual slur--but his apology outs Osr to the entire office.

SEASON 3 EPISO 1: GAY WCH HUNTTHE OFFICE (USA)TRACK 1 ON SEASON 3 SEP. 21, 20061 VIEWER1 CONTRIBUTORSEASON 3 EPISO 1: GAY WCH HUNT LYRICSRYAN: YEAH, I'M NOT A TEMP ANYMORE. I GOT JIM'S OLD JOB WHICH MEANS AT MY HIGH SCHOOL RNN WILL NOT SAY "RYAN HOWARD IS A TEMP", WILL SAY "RYAN HOWARD IS A JUNR SAL ASSOCIATE AT A MID-RANGE PAPER SUPPLY FIRM. THAT'LL SHOW EM.*FLASHBACK TO JIM AND PAM KISSG *JIM: YOU HAVE NO IA HOW LONG I'VE BEEN WAG TO DO THAT.PAM: ME TOO. I THK WE'RE JT DNK.JIM: NO I'M NOT DNK, ARE YOU DNK?PAM: NO ... JIMJIM: YOU'RE REALLY GONNA MARRY HIM? [PAM NODS] OK*CUTS TO DWIGHT TALKG TO CAMERA*DWIGHT: [FAKE CRYG] JIM IS GONE, HE'S GONE, I MISS HIM SO MUCH! I CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP ... JIM! [NORMAL VOICE] FALSE, I DO NOT MISS HIM.OPENG SEQUENCEMICHAEL: NO! THAT IS THE FUN OF THIS PLACE. I LL EVERYBODY "FAGGIE". WHY WOULD ANYBODY FD THAT OFFENSIVE?TOBY: OK I THK OSR WOULD JT LIKE IF YOU ED "LAME" OR SOMETHG LIKE THAT.MICHAEL: THAT'S WHAT FAGGIE MEANS!TOBY: NO NOT REALLY... [MICHAEL GROANS] APPARENTLY YOU LLED OSR "FAGGIE" FOR LIKG THE MOVIE SHAKPEARE LOVE MORE THAN AN ACTN MOVIE.MICHAEL: IT WASN'T JT AN ACTN MOVIE, WAS DIE HARD!TOBY: ALL RIGHT MICHAEL, BUT OSR'S REALLY GAY.MICHAEL: EXACTLY!TOBY: I MEAN FOR REAL.MICHAEL: YEAH, I KNOW.TOBY: NO, I MEAN HE'S ATTRACTED TO OTHER MEN.MICHAEL: OK, A LTLE TOO FAR, CROSSED THE LE.TOBY: OK, I AM TELLG YOU, OSR IS AN ACTUAL HOMOSEXUAL. YEAH, HE TOLD ME THIS MORNG. AND, OBVLY HE HOP HE N UNT ON YOUR DISCRETN.MICHAEL [TO MERA]: I WOULD HAVE NEVER LLED HIM THAT IF I KNEW. YOU DON'T... YOU DON'T LL RETARD PEOPLE "RETARDS". IT'S BAD TASTE. YOU LL YOUR IENDS "RETARDS" WHEN THEY'RE ACTG RETARD. AND I NSIR OSR A IEND.MICHAEL [TO OSR]: LISTEN MAN, I AM SO SORRY. I HAD NO IA.OSR: NO, 'S FE.MICHAEL: NO. NO 'S NOT. I FEEL TERRIBLE ABOUT . I HAVE BEEN LLG PEOPLE "FAGGIE" SCE I WAS JUNR HIGH, AND I HAVE NEVER MA THIS MISTAKE. IF I DON'T KNOW HOW TO BEHAVE, IS BEE I AM JT SO FAR THE OPPOSE WAY, YOU KNOW? I'M JT... I, I N'T EVEN IMAGE... THE... THG. MAYBE WE ULD GO OUT FOR A BEER SOMETIME. AND YOU ULD TELL ME... HOW... YOU DO THAT TO ANOTHER DU.OSR: THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GREAT, WONRFUL IA, LET'S DO THAT.ANGELA: [ REFERENCE TO OSR BEG GAY] IT EXPLAS SO MUCH.OSR [TO CAMERA]: NO, I'M NOT GAY. AND I DON'T UNRSTAND WHY ANYONE WOULD THK, THAT I'M GAY... IF... [SIGHS] UH... YEAH I'M GAY.*AT STAMFORD PAPER BRANCH*JIM: I N'T SAY WHETHER DUNR MIFFL PAPER IS LS FLAMMABLE, SIR, BUT I N ASSURE THAT IS CERTALY NOT MORE FLAMMABLE.JIM[TO CAMERA]: WHY DID I TRANSFER TO STAMFORD? I THK THAT'S PRETTY OBV. I GOT PROMOTED! AND YOU N'T BEAT THAT VIEW... RIGHT?ANDY: HEY, BIG TUNA! YOU'RE SGLE RIGHT?JIM: UH-HUH, YEAH. I AM.ANDY: SHE'S PRETTY HOT HUH? [JIM NODS] SHE'S PLETELY CRAZY. STEER CLEAR BIG TUNA. HEAD FOR OPEN WATERS.JIM: OK.ANDY: OK.JIM[TO CAMERA]: I ATE A TUNA SANDWICH, ON MY FIRST DAY. SO, ANDY STARTED LLG ME BIG TUNA. ...I DON'T THK ANY OF THEM ACTUALLY KNOW MY REAL NAME.ANDY[TO CAMERA]: BIG TUNA IS A SUPER AMB GUY, YOU KNOW? CUT YOUR THROAT TO GET AHEAD KD OF GUY, BUT I MEAN I'M NOT THREATENED BY HIM. I WENT TO CORNELL, YOU EVER HEARD OF ? [LGHS] I GRADUATED FOUR YEARS. I NEVER STUDIED ONCE. I WAS DNK THE WHOLE TIME, AND I SANG THE APPELLA GROUP, "HERE COM TREBLE."*CUTS TO STAMFORD BRANCH MEETG*JOSH: SO, END OF DAY WE ARE GOG TO HAVE A LTLE DIVERSY POLICY REHER, BEE OF SOME MORE PROBLEMS AT THE SCRANTON BRANCH. AND I HAVE A LIST OF BS STARTUPS I GOT OM THE CHAMBER. Y, I AM GOG TO NEED SOMEONE TO LD LL THEM.JIM: OH, I N DO THAT.KAREN[TO CAMERA]: JIM'S NICE ENOUGH. I DONT... I DON'T KNOW HOW WELL HE'S FTG HERE. HE'S ALWAYS LOOKG AT THE MERA LIKE THIS. [MAK CLASSIC "JIM"-MERA FACE] WHAT IS THAT?*CUTS BACK TO SCRANTON BRANCH*MICHAEL: CAN YOU TELL WHO'S GAY AND WHO'S NOT?DWIGHT: OF URSE.MICHAEL: WHAT ABOUT OSR?DWIGHT: ABSOLUTELY NOT.MICHAEL: WELL, HE IS.DWIGHT: WELL, HE'S NOT DRSED WOMEN'S CLOTH, SO...MICHAEL: [EP SIGH] THERE ULD BE OTHERS... I NEED TO KNOW. I DON'T WANT TO OFFEND ANYBODY ELSE.DWIGHT: YOU ULD ASSUME EVERYONE IS, AND NOT SAY ANYTHG OFFENSIVE.MICHAEL: YEAH, I'M SURE EVERYONE WOULD APPRECIATE ME TREATG THEM LIKE THEY WERE GAY. HEY, WHAT ABOUT ANGELA? SHE'S HARD AND SEVERE. SHE ULD BE A GAY WOMAN.DWIGHT: I REALLY DON'T THK SO. MICHAEL: I DON'T KNOW, I N IMAGE HER WH ANOTHER WOMAN, N'T YOU?DWIGHT: [CREEPY SE] MICHAEL: DO SOME REARCH. FD OUT IF THERE'S A WAY TO TELL BY JT LOOKG AT THEM.DWIGHT: JIM TOLD ME YOU ULD BUY GAY-DAR ONLE.MICHAEL: THAT'S RIDICULO.DWIGHT: YEAH PROBABLY. HE DIDN'T TELL THE TTH A LOT.MICHAEL: [SIGHS] LET'S LL HIM AND GET THE WEBSE.DWIGHT: DEFELY.*CUTS TO JIM ON THE PHONE WH MICHAEL*JIM: WHAT'S GAY-DAR? OH, OH, GAY-DAR, Y! NO, UH, I THK THEY HAVE AT SHARPER IMAGE. OH, YOU KNOW WHAT? I ULD CHECK FOR YOU. NO PROBLEM. [LOUDLY FAKE TYPG] IT'S SOLD OUT! YEAH SORRY ABOUT THAT, THAT'S A BUMMER.MICHAEL [HANGG UP THE PHONE]: WELL, THEY'RE SOLD OUT. DWIGHT: DAMN. [THKS] I'LL TRY BROOKSTONE.*CUTS TO JIM AT SK*JIM [TO CAMERA]: I MISS THAT.*CUTS TO PAM AT SK*ROY: CHICKEN OR FISH?PAM: [LOUD SIGH] CHICKEN.ROY: SO YOU HAV' A GOOD DAY?PAM: EXCELLENT, THANKS.ROY: GOOD, GLAD. OK.PAM[TO MERA]: YEAH, I DIDN'T GO THROUGH WH THE WEDDG. I GOT LD FEET, A FEW DAYS BEFORE. AND I N'T REALLY EXPLA . I JT HAD TO GET OUT OF THAT RELATNSHIP. WE STILL HAD TO PAY FOR ALL THE FOOD. SO WE OZE . BUT I'M, I'M DOG WELL. I HAVE MY OWN APARTMENT. I'M TAKG ART CLASS. AND I HAVE LUNCH FOR THE NEXT FIVE WEEKS.ROY: AFTER PAM DUMPED ME, I UM, I KDA STOPPED TAKG RE OF MYSELF THERE, AND UH, I H BOTTOM WHEN UH, DNK DRIVG ARRT. I'VE BEEN WORKG OUT AND UM, YOU KNOW, I'M NOT GONNA TAKE HER FOR GRANTED. I GOTTA W HER BACK.STANLEY[TO MERA]: I GOT THEM A TOASTER. THEY LLED OFF THE WEDDG AND GAVE THE TOASTER BACK TO ME. I TRIED TO RETURN THE TOASTER TO THE STORE, AND THEY SAID THEY NO LONGER SOLD THAT KD OF TOASTER. SO NOW MY HOE HAS GOT TWO TOASTERS.KELLY[TO OSR]: THAT IS SO OL THAT YOU'RE GAY. I TOTALLY UNRTIMATED YOU.OSR[TO MERA]: Y I'M SUPER OL. I AM AN ACUNTANT AT A FAILG PAPER SUPPLY PANY, SCRANTON. MUCH LIKE, UM, SIR IAN MCCLELLAN.ANGELA[TO MERA]: SURE, SOMETIM I WATCH WILL AND GRACE... AND I WANT TO THROW UP. IT'S TERRIBLY LOUD. I DO LIKE SOMETIM WHEN HARRY CONNICK JR. IS ON. HE'S SO TALENTED.*CUT TO MEREDH LICKG HAND SANIZER**AT STANFORD BRANCH*ANDY: OK. WHO PUT MY LCULATOR JELLO? GOOD ONE. BUT UH, SERLY, GUYS WHO DID THIS? SERLY GUYS, WHO DID THIS? I NEED TO KNOW WHO PUT MY LCULATOR JELLO, OR I'M GONNA LOSE MY FRICKIN' MIND! (KICKS TRASH N)*CUT TO JAN WALKG TO STANFORD BRANCH*JAN[TO MICHAEL HIS OFFICE]: YOU KNOW, 'S AMAZG TO ME THAT THIS DAY AND AGE, YOU ULD BE SO OBTE ABOUT SEXUAL ORIENTATN.MICHAEL: I WATCH THE L WORD. I WATCH, QUEER AS F***, SO...JAN: THAT'S NOT WHAT 'S LLED.TOBY: OK, MICHAEL, ARE YOU AWARE THAT YOU OTED OSR TODAY?MICHAEL: WHAT? WHAT DO THAT EVEN...JAN: COMG OUT, IS A SIGNIFINT MOMENT FOR A GAY PERSON, AND THEY SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO SELECT THE TIMG AND MANNER OF ANNOUNCG .MICHAEL: WELL, GAY PRI, RIGHT? GAY PRI PARA? IT'S NOT LIKE GAY... SHAME FTIVAL.TOBY: ALL RIGHT, NOW OSR'S FEELG DISCRIMATED AGAST BY HIS -WORKERS, PRIMARILY ANGELA, AND UM, THAT'S YOUR FLT.MICHAEL: I THK ANGELA MIGHT BE GAY. COULD OSR AND ANGELA BE HAVG A GAY AFFAIR? MAYBE! IS THAT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT?JAN: NO!MICHAEL: I DON'T KN--JAN: NO, 'S NOT POSSIBLE.MICHAEL: ANYTHG'S POSSIBLE.JAN: YOU KNOW, IMAGE... YOU WERE GAY.MICHAEL: [LGHS] WELL, I'M NOT GAY JAN, AND YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT BETTER THAN ANYBODY!JAN: MICHAEL, YOUR IMMATURY IS EXTREMELY DISAPPOTG AND MAY EVEN LEAD TO A LAWSU WHICH IS THE ABSOLUTE LAST THG THIS PANY NEEDS RIGHT NOW. DO YOU UNRSTAND?MICHAEL[TO MERA]: THE PANY HAS MA MY RPONSIBILY TODAY TO PUT AN END TO 100,000 YEARS OF BEG WEIRD OUT BY GAYS.*CUT TO OSR MICHAEL'S OFFICE*OSR: AM I THE FIRST GAY MAN YOU EVER KNEW?MICHAEL: TRICK QUTN! CSE YOU N'T ALWAYS TELL, SO... HOW WOULD I KNOW. IS THAT THE RIGHT ANSWER?PAM: MICHAEL, DWIGHT'S LOOKG AT GAY PORNOGRAPHY ON HIS PUTER.DWIGHT: UH, MICHAEL KNOWS PAM. HE ASKED ME TO DO THIS JT FOR HIM. HE HAS HIS OWN REASONS.MICHAEL: [LOOKG AT GAY PORN] NOTHG WRONG WH THIS STUFF. AT ALL. THIS IS FE. YOU KNOW WHAT. GAY PORN, STRAIGHT PORN, 'S ALL GOOD! I DON'T PARTICULARLY GET TO THIS. BUT UH, YOU KNOW WHAT. I TOTALLY SEE THE MER! AND ACTUALLY... IS QUE BETIFUL.DWIGHT: AH DAMN POP-UPS.OSR: WHAT ARE YOU DOG?!ANGELA: WATCHG SOME OF YOUR IENDS. (OSR PH THROUGH ANGELA AND DWIGHT TRI TO CHASE AFTER HIM)MICHAEL: [YELLG] ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY THE NFERENCE ROOM! I DON'T RE IF YOU ARE GAY, OR STRAIGHT, OR A LBIAN, OR OVERWEIGHT! JUST GET IN HERE! RIGHT NOW!*IN NFERENCE ROOM*MICHAEL: DID YOU KNOW THAT GAY ED TO MEAN HAPPY? WHEN I WAS GROWG UP MEANT LAME. AND NOW MEANS A MAN, WHO MAK LOVE TO OTHER MEN. WE'RE ALL HOMOS! HOMOSAPIENS. GAYS AREN'T NECSARILY WHO YOU THK THEY ARE, PEOPLE. I MEAN ANYBODY ULD BE GAY. BS-MEN. LIKE ANTIQUE ALERS, OR HAIRDRSERS, OR... ACUNTANTS. OSR, WHY DON'T YOU TAKE THIS OPPORTUNY TO OFFICIALLY E OUT, TO EVERYBODY HERE. HOWEVER YOU WANT TO DO . GO AHEAD. STAND UP. I'M DOG THIS FOR YOU.OSR: Y I'M GAY. AND I DIDN'T PLAN ON SHARG THAT PART OF MY LIFE WH YOU TODAY, SO, WHATEVER. CAN I S DOWN NOW?CREED:[TO MERA]: I'M NOT OFFEND BY HOMOSEXUALY. IN THE SIXTI I MA LOVE TO MANY MANY WOMEN, OFTEN OUTDOORS, THE MUD AND THE RA. AND WAS POSSIBLE A MAN SLIPPED , AND THERE WOULD BE NO WAY OF KNOWG.MICHAEL: WHO SHOULD BE THE JUDG AND JURI OF OUR SOCIETY?ANGELA: JUDG AND JURI!MICHAEL: Y, THAT'S A GOOD POT. SHE HAS A GOOD POT. BEE GAY MARRIAGE CURRENTLY IS NOT LEGAL, UNR U.S. LAW. I BET A LOT OF STRAIGHT MEN WISH THAT APPLIED TO THEM. SO THEY ULD GO OUT THERE AND HAVE SOME TORRID UNABASHED MONKEY SEX AS MUCH AS THEY ULD. YOU KNOW? SOUNDS PRETTY GOOD, RIGHT?KEV: THAT SOUNDS GREAT.DWIGHT: I THK ALL THE OTHER OFFICE GAYS SHOULD INTIFY THEMSELV, OR I WILL DO FOR THEM.OSR: NO ONE ELSE THIS OFFICE IS GAY.DWIGHT: WHAT ABOUT PHYLLIS? SHE MAK ABSOLUTELY NO ATTEMPT TO BE FEME!PHYLLIS: I'M GETTG MARRIED TO BOB VANCE.MICHAEL: THAT'S GREAT. CONGRATULATNS PHYLLIS. THAT IS GREAT, AND ANKLY KD OF AMAZG! [LGHS] SEE? EVERYBODY HAS A CHANCE!MICHAEL: BUT STILL, PHYLLIS, LLEGE? DID YOU EVER EXPERIMENT WH OTHER WOMEN? A LOT OF WOMEN DO!PHYLLIS: NO, YOU KNEW ME HIGH SCHOOL. COURSE, WE ALL THOUGHT YOU WERE GAY HIGH SCHOOL.MICHAEL: [LGHG] RIGHT! [SER] AND I TAKE THAT AS A PLIMENT.PHYLLIS: WELL WH YOUR TI AND YOUR MATCHG SOCKS AND-MICHAEL: WELL, I JT LIKE TO LOOK GOOD OK, SOOSR: YOU SOUND PRETTY FENSIVE MICHAEL.MICHAEL: NO, I AM JT G OUT MYSELF. I AM G OUT HETERO!OSR: I THK THE PROBLEM WH THIS OFFICE IS THAT YOU ARE SENDG MIXED SIGNALS ABOUT MY BEG HERE.MICHAEL: NO NO NO. THE ONLY SIGNAL THAT I AM SENDG IS GAY, GOOD. LOOK, IF I WAS GAY, I WOULD BE THE MOST FLAMBOYANT GAY YOU HAVE EVER SEEN. I WOULD BE LEADG THE PARA VERED FEATHERS, AND JT... I WOULD BE WAVG THAT RABOW FLAG.OSR: I DON'T THK I N WORK HERE ANY LONGER. THIS HAS BEEN THE WORST, MOST BACKWARDS DAY OF MY LIFE.MICHAEL: YOU MISUNRSTAND OK. YOU KNOW WHAT, OK. I UH, I'M GONNA PUT MY MONEY WHERE MY MOUTH IS. YOU READY? I AM GOG TO EMBRACE OSR. YOU MIGHT WANT TO WATCH THIS ANGELA, BEE YOU N'T TCH ANYTHG. HERE WE GO. WE ARE GOG TO MAKE A STATEMENT. YOU AND I ARE GOG TO MAKE A STATEMENT TOGETHER. OSR IS MY IEND ...OSR: I WOULD RATHER NOT.MICHAEL: .. I JT DON'T RE WHO SE , DON'T BOTHER ME!OSR: NO, NO(PHG MICHAEL AWAY)! I DON'T WANT TO TOUCH YOU, EVER NSIR THAT? YOU'RE IGNORANT, AND SULTG, AND SMALL!MICHAEL: OK, UM... SORRY.OSR: MICHAEL... I'M SORRY. THAT WAS A GOOD IA. COME ON, E ON. (OSR AND MICHAEL HUG)MICHAEL: [SOBBG] I'M SORRY I LLED YOU FAGGIE. YOU'RE NOT FAGGIE. YOU'RE A A GOOD GUY.DWIGHT[TO MERA]: MICHAEL APPEARS TO BE GAY TOO. AND YET HE IS MY IEND. I GUS I DO HAVE A GAY IEND.MICHAEL: (EMBRACG OSR) YOU KNOW WHAT, I'M GOG TO RAISE THE STAK. I WANT YOU TO WATCH THIS. AND I WANT YOU TO BURN THIS TO YOUR BRAS. BEE THIS IS AN IMAGE THAT I WANT YOU PEOPLE TO REMEMBER FOR A LONG TIME TO E. WHENEVER YOU E TO THE OFFICE I WANT YOU TO THK ABOUT THIS. [AWKWARDLY KISSG OSR] I DID . SEE. I'M STILL HERE. WE'RE ALL STILL HERE. [KEV CLAPS]MICHAEL: [DWIGHT GETS UP TO KISS OSR] OH E ON! DWIGHT! COME ON, MAN!MICHAEL[TO MERA]: WE ARE NOT THE PLAYGROUND ANYMORE. THERE ARE NEW L. WE HAVE TO BE MATURE. BUT WE N'T LOSE THE SPIR OF CHILD LIKE WONR. WHAT IS LOVE... ANYWAY? MAYBE 'S SUPPOSED TO BREAK ALL THE L. LIKE ME AND JAN. OR OSR... AND SOME GUY. LIFE IS SHORT. WHEN TWO PEOPLE FD EACH OTHER, WHAT SHOULD STAND THEIR WAY? I AM GLAD THAT TODAY SPURRED SOCIAL CHANGE. THAT'S PART OF MY JOB AS REGNAL MANAGER. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? EVEN IF DIDN'T, AT LEAST WE PUT THIS MATTER TO BED. ... THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID. OR HE SAID. OH, THERE'S GILL. OSR'S ROOMMATE. I WONR IF HE KNOWS?OSR[TO MERA]: I WAS GOG TO QU. BUT JAN OFFERED ME A THREE MONTH PAID VATN AND A PANY R. ALL I HAD TO DO WAS SIGN SOMETHG SAYG I WON'T SUE. GILL AND I ARE GOG TO EUROPE. KIDS, SOMETIM PAYS TO BE GAY.*CUTS TO DWIGHT OPENG A BOX OM JIM NTAG "GAY-DAR"*DWIGHT: [READG THE NOTE WH THE GAY-DAR] "HOPE THIS HELPS. -JIM" NICE!OSR: [DWIGHT IS NNG THE GAY-DAR OVER OSR'S BODY] WHAT ARE YOU DOG?!DWIGHT: SHHH. DON'T BE SRED. [GAY-DAR BEEPS OVER OSR'S BELT BUCKLE] IT WORKS. [GAY-DAR GO OFF NEXT TO DWIGHT'S BELT BUCKLE] .. NO.EMBEDCANCELHOW TO FORMAT LYRICS:TYPE OUT ALL LYRICS, EVEN REPEATG SONG PARTS LIKE THE CHOSLYRICS SHOULD BE BROKEN DOWN TO DIVIDUAL LUSE SECTN HEARS ABOVE DIFFERENT SONG PARTS LIKE [VERSE], [CHOS], ETC.USE ALICS (<I>LYRIC</I>) AND BOLD (<B>LYRIC</B>) TO DISTGUISH BETWEEN DIFFERENT VOLISTS THE SAME SONG PARTIF YOU DON’T UNRSTAND A LYRIC, E [?]TO LEARN MORE, CHECK OUT OUR TRANSCRIPTN GUI OR VIS OUR TRANSCRIBERS FOMABOUT

Andy: Michael, am I gay? [Michael has lled Osr faggy whout knowg Osr is gay].

[after extensively discsg Osr's homosexualy]. [ regards to Osr beg gay].

[after gettg trouble for harassg Osr for beg gay]. Can you tell who's gay and who is not?

We're all homos, Homo sapiens.