Married, Gay, and Comg Out | Psychology Today

Contents:

• COMG OUT GAY STEP-BY-STEP
• WHAT DO IT MEAN TO BE A GAY MAN?
• KEV MAXEN BE FIRST MALE ACH A US MEN’S PROFSNAL SPORTS LEAGUE TO PUBLICLY E OUT AS GAY
• MARRIED, GAY, AND COMG OUT
• HOW TO COME OUT AS GAY OR LBIAN

COMG OUT GAY STEP-BY-STEP

The landmark mastream 2018 rom- Love, Simon ma stris showg a closeted gay high schooler g out to iends and fay and gettg a even benchmarks like that don't mean all queer people feel ready to embrace their sexualy by the time they leave home. Sger-songwrer Barry Manilow was 73 when he first spoke publicly about beg gay; Osr-wng actor Joel Grey did so at g out is still generally prented as a re-of-passage for teens and twenty-somethgs. Only by discsg why some queer people take longer to embrace their sexualy n we help other late-bloomers to do the Baer, executive producer and show nner on the Netflix seri Dignated Survivor, me out as gay his fifti bee he was feelg “creasg anxiety about livg a double life.

Jak, a 30-year-old gay man who me out a few weeks before the COVID-19 panmic took global hold, says he’s benefed enormoly om the kdns of strangers. “Through Instagram and Twter I beme iends wh gay guys who gave me advice, helped me when I was my darkt plac and beme ‘that person’ I uld speak to, ” he says.

” Millns of queer people have already gone on this paful but potentially credibly fulfillg journey; let them help you navigate the bumps the MoreHow to Embrace Agg as a Gay Man“When you’ve spent your formative years the closet, ’s difficult to pe the feelg that you need to make up for lost time. Comg out gay refers to the procs of acceptg one's own sexualy and embracg , followed by disclosg to fay, iends and -workers. The dividual do not have to pletely alter their personaly, they are still who they are, but when you e out gay, do provi an opportuny to:.

WHAT DO IT MEAN TO BE A GAY MAN?

Oftentim when a person out gay, they feel isolated and different regardls of where they live and who they surround themselv wh. If a person's fay do not take kdly to the news, they should try to te their fay regardg their liftyle and maybe seek out a support program at a lol gay muny center.

The one mon theme that seems to be prent amongst all dividuals who e out gay is the liberatn of no longer havg to lie or hi the tth. Other LGBTQ people who may share the experience of g out Q Chat Space (Live chat, facilated, LGBTQ+ onle discsn groups) Tsted LGBTQ adults that you may already know, such as fay members or teachers Straight people who are alli to LGBTQ people A Gay/Straight Alliance at your school LGBTQ anizatns such as the Human Rights Campaign (HRC), The Trevor Project, and Parents and Friends of Lbians and Gays (PFLAG) A lol LGBTQ muny center.

It prumably means the advertiser nsirs himself a “real” man—real, that is, acrdg to a standard of masculy he don’t attribute to other gay men.

KEV MAXEN BE FIRST MALE ACH A US MEN’S PROFSNAL SPORTS LEAGUE TO PUBLICLY E OUT AS GAY

So many gay men learn we are different om other boys by havg the fact poted out and ridiculed by bulli durg our young, most imprsnable, years. As every gay man knows who has been sulted or asslted for his actual or perceived sexual orientatn, there are steep penalti for vlatg the Boy Co as there are for anyone who is “different” om the prumed (typilly whe, heterosexual, middle-class) standard.

How do a gay kid survive the trma he suffers for beg different a culture that still nmns his difference as somethg bad or “ls-than” and wants to mold him to the same shape tri to mold every boy? Robert Pollack says the most important thg a fay n do to support their gay son is to keep lovg him, “to nvey to him, as soon as he shar his feelgs, that he is still loved through and through, that his sexual orientatn will not any way dimish how much he is admired and rpected. He needs to know that ’s okay not only to be gay if that's what he is, but to be a man who choos what beg a man means for himself.

Fortunately there is a long history of gay men who bucked the accepted fns of masculy and created liv that exprsed their unrstandg of themselv and how they choose to exprs their inty as men who don’t necsarily f tradnal molds. The late Harry Hay often lled "the father of the morn gay movement, " found the Mattache Society Los Angel the fall of 1950 for gay men to gather and ponr the qutns Hay had long been askg: Who are gay people? Hay didn’t tend the Mattach to be a polil anizatn per se, but a group that would e together to enhance their self-unrstandg and explore the ntributns gay people had ma to the human race through the ag.

MARRIED, GAY, AND COMG OUT

In a 1987 say tled “A Separate People Whose Time Has Come, ” Hay scribed homosexuals as “spir people, ” who, throughout the ag, had served society their rol as “msengers and tercers, shamans of both genrs, prits and prits, imagemakers and prophets, mim and rhapsos, poets and playwrights, healers and nurturers, teachers and preachers, tkers and tkerers, searchers and rearchers. Hay believed that gay people had somethg special to teach nongay people about human life, and for that reason should be nurtured, rather than reviled, by society. Hay believed that gay men are different om heterosexuals and that those differenc go much eper than mere sexual attractn to other men.

He said gay men look at the world differently, are uniquely nonaggrsive, nonpetive, oriented toward sharg and cled to velop what Hay lled “subject-subject” love relatnships of equals.

HOW TO COME OUT AS GAY OR LBIAN

In a 1990 terview for the Washgton Bla, Harry Hay told me our llg as gay men “is not only to accept our uniquens, but to affirm , make joyo. More than half of gay men and nearly 40% of lbian women surveyed 2013 said they had e out to iends and fay before age cisn isn't easy for everyone, though. Beg hont about who you are and not feelg the need to hi behd a secret inty is to many people a huge weight lifted off their be easier to meet other people wh siar feelgs and over time n have a posive effect on all aspects of your life, when you are happier and feel that you n be accepted for who you really the cisn to e out as a lbian, gay, bi or trans person n make thk about our own personal journeys and how we n help and rm others to take the first steps to acknowledgg such an important part of our you have e out to one person the procs do not end there, throughout your life you will fd yourself suatns and around people where you feel the need or sire to disclose your sexual orientatn or trans stat.

There are lbian, gay, bisexual and trans support anisatns across the world who are there to offer a helpg hand, a iendly ear, and who have vast experience of helpg people jt like prospect of g out n be a sry one for many, and 's important to remember that nobody n dictate your g out apart om yourself. We make our own fai stead, the streets of gay village bars, queer bookshops and f, onle foms and LGBT chari like this one. Per Outsports, Maxen is the “first publicly out male ach a major Amerin men’s pro sports league, ” wh WNBA ach Curt Miller, who publicly me out to the media as gay 2015, also a publicly out male ach an Amerin profsnal sports league.

In my 2020 book“Come Out, Come Out, Whoever You Are, ”, I explore the history of this term, om the earlit days of the gay rights movement, to today, when has been adopted by other movements. Gay men spoke of “g out” to gay society – borrowg the term om butante society, where ele young women me out to high society.